Illegal Username posted:

Nanotransen Med School would be a fun and deadly gimmick.

What are possible ways to open a locker you don't have access to? Emag or jacking an ID are obvious ones, but what about when those aren't possible?

Mugabe posted:

So what are some fun gimmicks to do as the Medical Director, especially when your knowledge of medicine is next to nothing? I thought about doing a Frank Burns impersonation, but I am not sure if any other players would get it.

Magres posted:

Don't be a vampire but be named Dr. Acula and do lots of shady (but ultimately harmless) poo poo and see if the crew gets all torch and pitchfork on you.

Skunkrocker posted:

I learned something new today: when pulling an item, clicking on a space causes the item to move to that location! I figured this out while being boxed in by a borg as a changeling with such evil implements as crates and air cans.

I also flung a guy I absorbed out the airlock, holy poo poo they move fast when there is no friction!

Donnerberg posted:

There's been a significant server update. You'll know the second you see it, but I'll put it in spoilers in case you don't want it ruined: Thrown items and people spin through the air. It looks amazing.

LeadRobot posted:

I've been thinking about spending a round as medical director hiding all the meds and working with botany to convert the front office into a medicinal marijuana dispensary.

Five bullets in your chest? Having a heart attack? Have a spliff, man. It's the only medicine you'll ever need.

Captain Bravo posted:

It's fairly trivial to have about 5-6 varieties of marijuana within the first ten minutes that can all heal different things. Still not sure about how to get back White Weed, but it's totally doable to have a botanist bring down a few crates of various healing doobies.

EpicPale posted:

I just played for the first time in about a year, and it ended up being an amazing round. And, to the person who tried to teach me (John Fuckupson) how to not be the worst MD ever, thank you. It's really too bad that things went tits up after that. I love this goddamn game.

Hubbert posted:

If it is any consolation, I'm not only the person who attempted to teach you medical stuff in-game... but I am also the culprit behind why the entire round descended into utter chaos half an hour later.

EpicPale posted:

I just played for the first time in about a year, and it ended up being an amazing round. And, to the person who tried to teach me (John Fuckupson) how to not be the worst MD ever, thank you. It's really too bad that things went tits up after that. I love this goddamn game.

Dunite posted:

I also just played for the first time in over a year. I decided to hop in one of the escape pods next to the emergency shuttle receiving just to see what stupid thing might happen.
The escape pod decided to veer off coarse so I bailed in my space suit as soon as it turned back towards base. Threw my crowbar away from me to send me towards the base.
I then watched the escape pod smash into the emergency shuttle berth and blow a huge hole into the room.
Luckily I didn't space anyone but a few did die from oxygen deprivation.
I was able to make it back onto the base but then missed the shuttle because I couldn't get to one of the entrances.

This game is utterly ridiculous.

quote:

Central Authority Update

Notice

Sundance Feely, please report to the Space Hague immediately for Space Crimes against Humanity. Your treatment of prisoners is absurd and completely inhuman. Your trial begins in 15 minutes.

[16:45:03] Daeren/(Ensign Daeren): wait what
[16:45:10] Shotgunbill/(Logan Woollard): he shaved a wizard
[16:45:16] Shotgunbill/(Logan Woollard): HE SHAVED A WIZARD

quote:

Sundance Feely: What is this
Sundance Feely: madness
Sundance Feely: where the hell is space hague

quote:

Ensign Daeren: sundance
Ensign Daeren: give me all access and i will be your lawyer
Ensign Daeren: trust me i have passed the space bar

quote:

Alan Cowart: So any preferences?
AquinASS the Dumb: Me?
Alan Cowart: Yeah
Alan Cowart: I've been asking what job you wanted
AquinASS the Dumb: Chaplain
AquinASS the Dumb: Im still spreading space Satanism
Sundance Feely: yeah give him chaplain
AquinASS the Dumb: I will not let you down

quote:

Scarecambot: THE JUDGE, you're on the spooky station! Enjoy your new temp job as a Staff Assistant!
THE JUDGE points to Sundance Feely.
THE JUDGE: THERE HE IS.
THE JUDGE: YOU WILL BE AT YOUR TRIAL IN TWELVE MINUTES.
THE JUDGE: YOU HAVE SPACE CRIMES TO ANSWER FOR.

quote:

Ensign Daeren: will you take me up on my generous offer
Alan Cowart: Hey wait this is a tourist ID
Alan Cowart: I can't legally upgrade your ID
Ensign Daeren: i have passed the space bar
Ensign Daeren: give me a lawyer ID
Ensign Daeren: and i will defend sundance
Alan Cowart: Where did you study?
Ensign Daeren: university of phoenix online
Ensign Daeren: in space
Alan Cowart: Good enough for me

quote:

THE JUDGE: basically here's the scoop
THE JUDGE: sundance captured and shaved the wizard, then regulated him to clown abuse

quote:

Sundance Feely: I will not stand trail just because some ugly staff assistant demanded. Where the hell IS space hague anyway
Ensign Daeren: feely trust me i have an open and shut case
Sundance Feely: I am fining the administration for fabrication of the truth
Sundance Feely: ensign daeren
Ensign Daeren farts delicately.
Sundance Feely: you shall be my lawyer
Ensign Daeren: aight

quote:

Frank Railway: OH YES!
Frank Railway: POSE FOR ME OWL!

quote:

Sundance Feely: fine, I have legal representation.
Sundance Feely: ensign daeren will be my representive of law
THE JUDGE: I accept.
THE JUDGE: You have eight minutes to discuss your case.

quote:

Alan Cowart: Please welcome our new chaplain wizard Wiz Dude
Alan Cowart: GO MAKE ME SOME MONEY LAWYER
Ensign Daeren: AIGHT
Ensign Daeren: FOLLOW ME TO THE SLOTS

quote:

Cesar Adams: I have performed a brain transplant experiment on one of the dead wizard corpses. I am attempting to move their powers to a new body
James Johnson: That's an insane idea. I like it.

quote:

Sundance Feely: they think I abuse my prisoners
Ensign Daeren: what are the allegations of abuse
Don Gumbo: PLEAS EHELP WE'VE GOT WOUNDED OH MY GOD HELPPPPPPPP
Ruben Wile: SEC BEATING ME UP IN BRIG AUGH

quote:

Frank Railway: I touched an owl and I think it might have been rabid

quote:

Ensign Daeren: okay so what's the allegation of abuse
Sundance Feely: I shaved his beard and sliced him a little, but it was only by accident
Sundance Feely: I am an awful barber
Ensign Daeren: hm yes
Ensign Daeren: what was the wizard's name
Sundance Feely: aquinASS
Sundance Feely: the Dumb
Ensign Daeren: hmm yes
Ensign Daeren: any other abuses and crimes against humanity i should know about
Sundance Feely: I once murdered an orphanage
Sundance Feely: orphanage williams was his name

quote:

Central Authority Update

Alert

Head of Security Officer Sundance Feely, report to the Courtroom immediately. Crew, please report to the Jury section of the Courtroom. Sundance Feely is wanted for crimes against humanity.

Ensign Daeren: aight it's go time

quote:

Central Authority Update

Sundance Feely will be represented by Ensign Daeren, a notorious Space Lawyer from the Donk n' Donk Law Firm.

Ensign Daeren: I OBJECT
Ensign Daeren: I AM NOT NOTORIOUS

quote:

Central Authority Update

We require more jurors. Please report to the Courtroom. Two minutes until trial. The Space Hague will be paying your juror's fees.

Ruben Wile: I wanna be a juror
Kiki Kolana: I am now the captain by way of finders keepers. Don't start before I get there.
Chase Quentin: Where is the courtroom?
Alan Cowart: EVERYONE COME ON
Ensign Daeren: outside the bridge
Sundance Feely: get away from my room you cretin!
Alan Cowart: As HoP I am correspondant to the action fo the crew so I will also be on trial
James Johnson: We're actually doing a trial?

Central Authority Update

The Courtroom is right in front of the Bridge. You cannot miss it. YOU WORK HERE, PEOPLE.

quote:

Central Authority Update

Sundance Feely's trial begins... now.

quote:

THE JUDGE: Sundance Feely. Do you understand why you are here today?
Sundance Feely: Slightly
James Johnson: The judge is actually a staff assistant.
Sundance Feely grins.
Alan Cowart: He's still a helluva judge
Frankie Signh: someone get a weapon
Ensign Daeren: SILENCE IN THE PEANUT GALLERY
Donald Keyes: I don't think we take order from the defense attorney
Ensign Daeren screams!

THE JUDGE: Sundance Feely, you are wanted for crimes against humanity for breaking the Space Geneva Convention on the Treatment of Wartime Prisoners.
Sundance Feely nods.
Robot 534: ALL NONOFFICAL PERSONELL ARE TO LEAVE THE COURTROOM
THE JUDGE: The Space Hague is in Europe. We do European Law around here. This is an inquiry court, not an adversial one.
Ensign Daeren: gently caress (Whispered)
THE JUDGE: Sundance Feely, can you please describe what you did to that poor man?
THE JUDGE: The wizard.
Sundance Feely: for what crimes against humanity am I being charged with
THE JUDGE: Inhumane treatment of prisoners, improper conduct and jaywalking.
Kiki Kolana: JAYWALKER
Sundance Feely: jaywalking!?
THE JUDGE: Jaywalking.
Ensign Daeren: OBJECTION
Ensign Daeren: THERE ARE NO ROADS IN SPACE TO JAYWALK ON
THE JUDGE: OBJECTION sustained.
THE JUDGE: We will not be covering the topic of jaywalking, as noted by Mr. Daeren.

quote:

Jenny Chengling: Kiki, please stop jumping in your chair (Whispered)
Kiki Kolana: I'm so excited though

quote:

Alan Cowart: Rehabilitation isn't a war crime, it's a service your honor
Robot 534: Question
Robot 534: Is this so called treatment documented
Robot 534: Where is the proof?

quote:

Alan Cowart: Chef bring some popcorn to the courtroom

quote:

Shotgunbill/(THE JUDGE): I cannot stop laughing IRL
Daeren/(Ensign Daeren):

quote:

Sundance Feely: hey theres the wiz
Sundance Feely: wizard speak up for your self
AquinASS the Dumb: Hello
THE JUDGE: Bring the wizard over to me.
Sundance Feely: He was dressed last time I checked
Sundance Feely: Somebody stripped him naked to make me look bad (Whispered)
THE JUDGE: I want the wizard to discuss HOW Sundance Feely here abused him.
THE JUDGE: Mr. Wizard, please, you have the floor.
Ensign Daeren throws the photo of AquinASS the Dumb and a chair
Ensign Daeren: EVIDENCE A
Ensign Daeren: PHOTOGRAPH OF THE ALLEGED WIZARD
Ensign Daeren: NOTE HE IS PROPERLY ATTIRED IN THE OUTFIT OF A STAFF ASSISTANT
Mr. Shimbob: ; HELP ME IN HANGAR MY loving ARM CAME OFF
Ensign Daeren: WHY WOULD A SO CALLED WIZARD WEAR A GRAY SHIRT
Donald Keyes: It wasn't even a wizard! (Whispered)

quote:

Daeren/(Ensign Daeren): i'm loving dying that there's another wizard running around killing people as this is going on

quote:

AquinASS the Dumb: He cut off all my hair and humiliated me
Ensign Daeren screams!
Terry Swagger screams!
THE JUDGE: ORDER IN THE COURT, ORDER IN THE COURT.
Lamar Hopkins: Awesome
Sundance Feely: Your hair was dirty
AquinASS the Dumb: all i was here to do was to help bridge the gap between our people
Alan Cowart: Would you shits find a seat
Alan Cowart: You're clogging up the court room

quote:

THE JUDGE: LET THAT drat WIZARD SPEAK.
Ensign Daeren: fine
THE JUDGE: That wizard is hella noble. Look at that, he said he wanted to bridge the gap between our peoples.
Donald Keyes: A real diplomat... (Whispered)
John Fuckupson: Did that judge just say hella? (Whispered)
Robot 534: ALL PERSONELL NOT DIRECTLY INVOLVED WITH THIS CASE CLEAR THE COURT

quote:

Sundance Feely: He is a satanist!
AquinASS the Dumb: And?
Oddball Rhinehart: LIES AND SLANDER!
THE JUDGE: ORDER IN THE COURT! LET THE WIZARD SPEAK!
AquinASS the Dumb: Last i checked Satanism was a Legal Religion
Donald Keyes: A religious man... (Whispered)
Kiki Kolana: NOT ENOUGH CHAIRS
Kiki Kolana: I CALL MISTRIAL
Ensign Daeren: ALL NERDS SHUT UP AND LET PROCEEDINGS CONTINUE OR YOU GET PRISONED
Ensign Daeren screams!
James Johnson: Be quiet, Kolana.

quote:

THE JUDGE: Wizard, how did Sundance Feely treat your when he took you in?
Alan Cowart: May I speak your honor?

Another wizard casts Pandemonium, and gives Swedish, Chavvish, and Funky accents to everyone, which were not included in admin logs

Ensign Daeren: oh god damnit
Kiki Kolana: Oh god
Sundance Feely frowns.
Alan Cowart: Ohh poo poo gently caress
James Johnson: Oh god, this is a swedish trial now.
Kiki Kolana: MISTRIAL
Roshan Tamboli: welp
Jack Queen: what the hell?
Frank Railway: I FEEL STRANGE!
Cyborg Xi-69: Oh good
Boop Bot: Oh my.
THE JUDGE: drat IT
John Mcgeegerton: gently caress
THE JUDGE: ORDER
THE JUDGE: ORDER!!!
Jenny Chengling: Good lord
Ensign Daeren: lmfao
AquinASS the Dumb: Welp
John Fuckupson: Oh god, what is this!?
Sundance Feely: THE WIZARD IS COLLOBRATING TO BRING DOWN THE STATION
Jonathan Livingstone: There are better ways to do that, sir.
Jenny Chengling: This is TERRIBLE
Robot 534: A short recess should be held

quote:

Ensign Daeren: JUDGE MAY I SUBMIT EVIDENCE B
THE JUDGE: Yes, you may submit Evidence B.
Ensign Daeren: EVIDENCE B
Sundance Feely raises an eyebrow.
Ensign Daeren: A PICTURE OF A HANDSOME DASHING HEAD OF SECURITY CLEARLY NOT INVOLVED WITH THE MURDER OF ENTIRE ORPHANAGES
THE JUDGE: ORDER!
Sailor Dave: ahahahahahahaha
Sundance Feely: I told you ensign
Sundance Feely: It was only 1 orphanage
Frank Railway: THOSE POOR ORPHANS!
Donald Keyes: Bad enough they lost their parents... (Whispered)
Sundance Feely: I was meant to whisper that

quote:

THE JUDGE: Wizard. Do you recognize that man?
AquinASS the Dumb: Yes
THE JUDGE: ORDER IN THE COURT!
THE JUDGE: LET THE drat WIZARD SPEAK.
THE JUDGE: What did that man do to you?
AquinASS the Dumb: He stripped me in public, cut my hair, which is against my religion might i add, then stole all my belongings
THE JUDGE: Oh my god.
Erak Zolon gasps.
THE JUDGE: OH MY GOD.


Central Authority Update

OH MY GOD.

AquinASS the Dumb says, "He stripped me in public, cut my hair, which is against my religion might i add, then stole all my belongings"

Erak Zolon screams!
Kiki Kolana: DEAR LORD
Jenny Chengling screams!
Jonathan Livingstone: Come on.
Chase Quentin: SUNDANCE IS GUILTY!
Frank Railway: HEARSAY!
Chase Quentin: GUILTY!
THE JUDGE: YOU CUT ... THE WIZARD'S HAIR?
THE JUDGE: IS THAT WHY HE HAS NO BEARD?
John Mcgeegerton: GUILTY FUCKER
Kiki Kolana: EXCUTE HIM
Kiki Kolana: GET THE CHAIR
Oddball Rhinehart: ILL SET HIM ON FIRE!

quote:

Ensign Daeren: OBJECTION
Ensign Daeren: I REFER TO EVIDENCE A ONCE MORE
Ensign Daeren: NOTE THE SHOCKING AND APPALLING LACK OF A BEARD IN EVIDENCE A
Ensign Daeren: OR OF WHITE HAIR
Ensign Daeren: WHAT WIZARD HAS A BLACK HAIRCUT
Ensign Daeren: I DEMAND AN ANSWER FOR THIS KANGAROO COURT
Sundance Feely: I gave him a toupee

quote:

THE JUDGE: IT WOULD APPEAR THAT MR. FEELY DOES INDEED SEEM GUILTY OF THIS HORRIBLE CRIME.
Alan Cowart: Your honor Sundance should definately be charged, but as the HoP I ensured that the wizard was still allowed to practice his beliefes. So could you not sue the station?
THE JUDGE: ENSIGN DAEREN.
THE JUDGE: PLEASE PROVIDE...
THE JUDGE: YOUR DEFENSE!
Ensign Daeren: OF COURSE YOUR HONOR
Ensign Daeren: FIRST OF ALL SUNDANCE IS AWESOME AND AQUINASS IS A KNOWN CHARLATAN WHO HAD A FAKE BEARD STRAPPED TO HIS SHAMEFUL FACE
Ensign Daeren: SECOND OF ALL HE WAS WEARING A TOUPEE
Ensign Daeren: WHAT THE HELL WIZARD WEARS A TOUPEE
Robot 534: This is a shocking development
THE JUDGE: Hmm, yes, WHERE is the evidence of your beard, Wizard???
Ensign Daeren: THIRD OF ALL HE WAS FOUND IN THE SPACE CUSTOMS LOBBY WITH AN ASSISTANT OUTFIT
Sundance Feely nods.
Sundance Feely grins.
THE JUDGE: A very good point! He may not even be a wizard at all!
AquinASS the Dumb: I was a DIPLOMAT FROM OUR PEOPLE
Ensign Daeren: I SUBMIT THAT THIS ALLEGED WIZARD IS NOTHING MORE THAN A CON MAN WHO WISHES TO BILK US OUT OF LEGAL FEES
John Mcgeegerton: YOU SHOULD BE MUDERED
Kiki Kolana: A PHONEY WIZARD

quote:

THE JUDGE: WIZARD, why were you seen wearing an Assistant Uniform?
AquinASS the Dumb: that picture was taken after the stripping and beating
AquinASS the Dumb: I was sent to STOP THIS WAR
Ensign Daeren: A LIKELY STORY
Jenny Chengling: This is a show trial (Whispered)
Wyatt Caldwell: Total sham (Whispered)

quote:

Ensign Daeren: IF HE IS TRULY A WIZARD
Ensign Daeren: LET US SEE HIM CAST A SPELL
Ensign Daeren: RIGHT NOW
Sundance Feely: what kind of wizard has BLACK EYEBROWS
THE JUDGE: Yes.
THE JUDGE: I agree.
THE JUDGE: Wizard, prove that you are, in fact, a wizard.
Frank Railway: YES! DO A CARD TRICK!
AquinASS the Dumb: Give me a robe and i shall
THE JUDGE: You do not get a robe to prove if you are magical. Harry Potter didn't need a robe to cast a loving spell, now did he???

quote:

Ensign Daeren: EVIDENCE C
Sundance Feely raises an eyebrow.
Ensign Daeren: OUR HANDSOME HEAD OF PERSONNEL WHO GAVE ME MY LEGAL CERTIFICATE
Jenny Chengling yawns.
Marisa P. Scarlet:: HELPPP!!!!
Ensign Daeren: THIS MAN HELPED THIS ASSISTANT GET A PROMOTION TO CHAPLAIN
Ensign Daeren: WHAT THE HELL WIZARD
Ensign Daeren: WOULD WANT TO BE CHAPLAIN
THE JUDGE: HMMMM.
Ensign Daeren: THIS WIZARD HAS NO SUPPORT OF HIS CLAIMS
Sundance Feely: Yes! I brought the staff assistant to the hop after his shenanigns

quote:

John Fuckupson: GIVE THE MAN A WAND!
AquinASS the Dumb: Im not harry potter
AquinASS the Dumb: Also Rowling was a poo poo head
Ensign Daeren: WHOA
Ensign Daeren: RUDE
Jenny Chengling: That IS rude (Whispered)
AquinASS the Dumb: and that man over there is wearing my HOOD
James Johnson: I'm the Head of Assistance. I picked up the hood because it looks good on my uniform.

quote:

THE JUDGE: Attention everyone, please follow my logic on this one:
THE JUDGE: a) Harry Potter is a wizard. b) The wizard claims that he is not Harry Potter...
THE JUDGE: The Wizard is not a WIZARD.
Albrecht The Explorer: Beautiful.
AquinASS the Dumb gasps.
Kiki Kolana: BUT WHAT ABOUT GANDALF
John Mcgeegerton: YES HE IS
John Mcgeegerton: HE IS A WIZARD
Oddball Rhinehart: BURN THE NOT WITCH!
Sailor Dave: YOUR HONOR
Sailor Dave: I PROPOSE THAT HARRY POTTER WAS NEVER ACTUALLY A WIZARD!
Frank Railway: wizard or not, this man is a brute (Whispered)

quote:

Erak Zolpon (DEAD): wait... THEY'RE HOLDING A TRIAL
Erak Zolon (DEAD): WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!?!

quote:

Robot 534: ORDER IN THE COURT
THE JUDGE: THIS IS NOT A CASE ABOUT THIS MAN.
THE JUDGE: ORDER IN THE COURT.
Ensign Daeren: I FILE A COUNTER CLAIM THAT AQUINASS IS A HUGE NERD WHO HAS WASTED OUR TIME AND BLEMISHED THE GOOD NAME OF SUNDANCE "LITERALLY MURDERED BABIES" FEELY
William Cosby: EXECUTION BY FLAMETHROWER!
Cyborg Xi-69: I propose we do bloodwork to test his magic levels.

quote:

THE JUDGE: Attention, JURORS.
Kiki Kolana: BURN HIM AT THE STAKE
THE JUDGE: ATTENTION.
THE JUDGE: EVERYONE ATTENTION GOD drat IT.
THE JUDGE: WE HAVE SEEN THIS CASE.
Terry Swagger: wizard kinda sucks
Sailor Dave: DIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
THE JUDGE: WE HAVE SEEN THE "WIZARD" SPEAK.
THE JUDGE: WE HAVE SEEN DAEREN'S EVIDENCE.
THE JUDGE: WE NOW NEED...
THE JUDGE: SUNDANCE.
THE JUDGE: YOUR STATEMENT.
Sundance Feely: my statement?
THE JUDGE: Your statement.
THE JUDGE: Closing remarks before we go to the jurors.

quote:

William Cosby: All those in favor of burning the wizard?
lovely Bill burps.
Oddball Rhinehart: There is no wizard!
Wyatt Caldwell: I think he's a wizard
Donald Keyes: Is the duck a witness? (Whispered)
Kiki Kolana: I'm in favor of executing Sundance for his crimes against the wizard
Cyborg Xi-69: Wizards are human, how barbaric are you!?

quote:

Sundance Feely: I found this staff assistants practising dark arts. He is an insult to wizard, I took him in, with his staff assistant clothing to the hop to be reassigned
Alan Cowart: I can attest to that, I reassigned him to chaplain
Kiki Kolana: But you shaved him
Ensign Daeren: SILENCE
THE JUDGE: Oh dear, Daeren.
Sundance Feely: He had a dirty beard, not a clean white one, like wizard should
THE JUDGE: It appears that ... perhaps the wizard... is a wizard???
THE JUDGE: Practicing DARK ARTS hmmmmm?????
Ensign Daeren: OBJECTION AGAIN
Ensign Daeren: DARK ARTS ARE DIFFERENTIATED FROM DORK ARTS
Alan Cowart: Satanism isn't magic your honor

quote:

Frank Railway: Gentlemen, I think we should resolve the matter in a civilized manner and burn the wizard to ashes

quote:

THE JUDGE: Harry Potter loved his Defence against the Dark Arts class - like all wizards do.
Kiki Kolana: Harry was a nerd
William Cosby: I vote that I burn the wizard
THE JUDGE: Any other statements for the court, Mr. Feely?
Sundance Feely: This "wizard" wasn't practicing wizard arts. He was just clearly insane believing he
Alan Cowart: Stall them by finding the other wizard (Whispered)

quote:

Sailor Dave's PDA used by Sailor Dave -> THE JUDGE: Your Honor, I have a couple hundred credits with your name on it, if you agree to sway the trial in the Wizard's favor.
Sailor Dave's PDA used by Sailor Dave -> Ensign Daeren: I'll pay you TWICE what he pays if you agree to have Sundance declared GUILTY.
Ensign Daeren's PDA used by Ensign Daeren -> Sailor Dave: that would be 420 trillion space dollars
Sailor Dave's PDA used by Sailor Dave -> Ensign Daeren: Agreed.

quote:

Walter White slaps Sundance Feely across the face! Ouch!
Walter White slaps Sundance Feely across the face! Ouch!
Walter White slaps Sundance Feely across the face! Ouch!
Sundance Feely screams!
John Mcgeegerton: CALM THE gently caress DOWN
Gandolfini: OH ME OH MY
Jonathan Livingstone: This will hurt.
Robot 534: STAND AWAY FROM THE DEFENDANT

quote:

Ensign Daeren: NEW EVIDENCE YOUR HONOR
Ensign Daeren: A CRIMES HAS ATTEMPTED TO BRIBE ME IN AN EFFORT TO CHANGE MY TESTIMONY
Ensign Daeren: ONE "SAILOR NOT REALLY ALL THAT HANDSOME DAVE"
THE JUDGE: I see.
THE JUDGE: IF THAT IS THE CASE, DAEREN...
THE JUDGE: WE SHALL GO STRAIGHT TO...
THE JUDGE: DELIBERATION.
Dr. Cogwerks/(Ooooooooooooh!!!!!) played sound tv-lawandorder.mid

quote:

THE JUDGE: ATTENTION.
John Mcgeegerton: gently caress
Cyborg Xi-69: HE HAS A FLAMETHROWER
John Fuckupson: What kind of court is this!?
THE JUDGE: Jurors, I need you to listen carefully. I want you to deliberate over whether Sundance Feely is guilty or not guilty of crimes against humanity + the Wizard Federation. You have two minutes. Once you have done that, PDA me GUILTY or NOT GUILTY for SUNDANCE FEELY'S FATE.
Chase Quentin: I propose we burn them both!!
Sundance Feely: come on guys
Alan Cowart: Wait how is this a crime against wizard federation, shouldn't it be vice versa?
Robot 534: Was this jury screened at all
Robot 534: They all seem to have murderous intent
THE JUDGE: It was screened by whether or not they were able to open the glass door.
Robot 534: How can either the defense or the prosecution in good faith accept this jury
Ric Flair: WOOOOOO

quote:

AquinASS the Dumb: I do not believe Anyone should be murdered
Alan Cowart: I believe a peaceful solution your honor would be to shave and humiliate sundance in return

quote:

THE JUDGE: Send in your final-- SUNDANCE FEELY, YOU AREN'T PERMITTED TO SUBMIT ME A MESSAGE
Sundance Feely grins.

quote:

THE JUDGE: ALRIGHT
THE JUDGE: HERE ARE THE RESULTS
Sundance Feely bites his nails
THE JUDGE: I have counted up the votes that are ACTUALLY valid and not from the defendants.
Walter White slaps Sundance Feely across the face! Ouch!
THE JUDGE: PLEASE LISTEN. SILENCE.
THE JUDGE: This is a Criminal Court. We are obeying the rules of a Criminal Court.
THE JUDGE: The results are in.
lovely Bill burps.
John Fuckupson: Sundance is not the father (Whispered)

quote:

THE JUDGE: The jurors', after tallying the votes....
Ric Flair: prepare to riot
THE JUDGE: ...
THE JUDGE: THE VERDICT IS...
Boop Bot: GET ON WITH IT
THE JUDGE: NOT-GUILTY.

quote:

Dr. Cogwerks/(Ooooooooooooh!!!!!) played sound sadtrombone2.ogg

quote:

Ensign Daeren: YES
Ruben Wile: BULLSHIT
Oddball Rhinehart: BULLSHIT!
Chase Quentin: BULLSHIT
Frank Railway gasps.
Alan Cowart screams!
Cyborg Xi-69: Justice prevails
Ric Flair screams!
Jenny Chengling: WHAT THE HELL
John Mcgeegerton: FUCUCUUSAG
Ruben Wile: BULLSHIT
Alan Cowart: WOOOO
Erak Zolon (DEAD): RIOT!
lovely Bill burps.
Jenny Chengling: THIS IS A SHAM
John Mcgeegerton: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
Lance Scott (DEAD): WHAT THE gently caress!
Sundance Feely cheers!
Ruben Wile (as Isaac Price) screams!
THE JUDGE: AS THERE WAS NOT A UNANIMOUS VOTE OF GUILTY.
Sundance Feely: Hooray
Donald Keyes: This is an outrage!
Alan Cowart: WE'RE NOT GETTING SUED!
Chase Quentin: THIS TRIAL WAS A SHAM.
Alan Cowart: YAY!

quote:

Ensign Daeren: OH GOD
Cyborg Xi-69: FIRE
Luvenia Werry faints.
AquinASS the Dumb shrugs.
Lamar Hopkins screams!
Jenny Chengling screams!
John Mcgeegerton: THAT MEANS THE WIZARD WILL BE BURNED
Ruben Wile: B U L L S H I T
David Ryder: holy fuk
Sundance Feely: Oh god
Sailor Dave: BULLSHIT
John Fuckupson: OH YEAH! BURN THE WIZARD!
Sloan Collins: Ha ha
John Mcgeegerton: OH GOD
Frank Railway: THE JUDGE IS BRIBED!
THE JUDGE: ATTENTION
Sailor Dave: KILL
Ensign Daeren: CRIMINALS ARE BURNING THE DEFENDANT ALIVE
Sailor Dave: KILLLLLLL
Donald Keyes: I demand to see the votes!
John Mcgeegerton: OH GOD
Sundance Feely screams!
Ruben Wile: AHAHaHAHa
Robot 534: STOP THIS INSANITY
James Johnson: EVACUATE THE COURTROOM
Frank Railway: I DEMAND TO SEE THE JUDGE'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE!
Terry Swagger screams!
Jenny Chengling: FIRE
Jeremiah Riggle screams!
John Mcgeegerton (as Wiz Buster) screams!
Jenny Chengling screams!
Sundance Feely: LOOK WHAT YOUVE CAUSED JUDGE
Kiki Kolana: ; THIS IS SPACE LAW
Sundance Feely: LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE

quote:

Central Authority Update

Seriously, I counted the votes. Eight people voted guilty, but JAMES JOHNSON voted not-guilty. According to criminal law, even ONE non-guilty vote is enough to cause an upset.

James Johnson: You're welcome, folks.
Jenny Chengling: JAMES JOHNSON, YOU MASSIVE FUCKER
Ruben Wile: KILL THAT FUCKER
Cyborg Xi-69: :s James must be put in a safe place
Chase Quentin: James, you ruined EVERYTHING.
AquinASS the Dumb: MURDER
Donald Keyes: I contend there was bribery involved!
Scarecambot: NO CREWMEN WILL BE TREATED ANY DIFFERENTLY BASED ON THEIR VOTES
Sundance Feely screams!

quote:

Ensign Daeren: A VICTORY FOR JUSTICE
Kiki Kolana: RIOT
Ensign Daeren: MEDIC

quote:

Ric Flair: gently caress IT IM WRESTLING EVERYONE

quote:

John Fuckupson: Trial's over, time to die.
Ric Flair: RIOT
Kiki Kolana: RIOT
Ric Flair: RIOT
Mr. Shimbob: NUMBA 5 IS ALIVE
Don Gumbo: RIOT
Ruben Wile: ROT
Scarecambot: THIS STATION WILL HAVE ORDER!
Ric Flair: RIOT
Oddball Rhinehart:: RIOT!
Scarecambot: YOU ARE ALL HUMAN
Ric Flair: RIOT
Jenny Chengling: RIOT
Scarecambot: START ACTING LIKE IT
Ric Flair: WOOOOO!

Daeren posted:

And then the station ripped itself apart in an orgy of sectarian violence. The End.

Daeren posted:

In the Space Justice System the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups. The Heads of Security who shave wizards, and the Administrators who organize gimmick trials. These are their stories.


And then the station ripped itself apart in an orgy of sectarian violence. The End.

Daeren posted:

In the Space Justice System the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups. The Heads of Security who shave wizards, and the Administrators who organize gimmick trials. These are their stories.

And then the station ripped itself apart in an orgy of sectarian violence. The End.

quote:

˙!You feel Swedish, however that works.
˙!You feel funky.
˙!Ye feel like a reet prat like, innit?
Ensign Daeren says, "eLL NERDS SHehehT ehehP oohD LET PRehCEEDeeNGS CehNTeeNehehe-a-e ehR Yeheheh GET PReeSehNED"
Ensign Daeren screams!
THE JUDGE says, "veezerd, hev deed Sehehndoohce-a-e ffeely treet yehehehr vhee-a he-a-e tehehk yeheheh een?, y'ell."
˙!Agent 47 unbuckles.
Sailor Dave says, "behehm"
James Johnson says, "Be-a-e qeheheeet, Kehloohe-a."
Donald Keyes whispers, "e-a releegeeehehehs mooh..."
Jenny Chengling says, "Nehtheeng ees legel eoon Spece-a eenneet"
Boop Bot states, "Ask him to kindly leave."
Terry Swagger [145.9] says, "veezerd voohts ee-a demn soohdveech"
John Fuckupson exclaims, "thees vhehle-a-e cehehehrt ees eheheht ehff ehrder!"
Ensign Daeren says, "ehh gehd demneet"
Kiki Kolana exclaims, "ehh gehd, ooh hooh. - Bork Bork Bork!"
˙THE JUDGE slams their palms against the table!
Sundance Feely frowns.
James Johnson says, "ehh gehd, thees ees ee-a svedeesh treeel nev. eenneet"
Kiki Kolana says, "MeeSTReeeL"
Roshan Tamboli exclaims, "velp - Bork Bork Bork!"
Jack Queen [145.9] asks, "veht zee-a hell? eenneet, elreeght?"
Frank Railway says, "ee-a ffEEL STRoohGE!, elreeght?"
Wizbot states, "Oh good"
˙Roshan Tamboli attacks Roshan Tamboli in the chest with the photo of AquinASS the Dumb!
John Mcgeegerton (as Wiz Buster) exclaims, "eee!"
Frank Railway says, "ehBJECshooh!"
Boop Bot states, "Oh my."
Boop Bot [145.9] states, "Oh my."
THE JUDGE says, "DeMN eeT, ooh hooh."
John Mcgeegerton (as Wiz Buster) says, "eee-a STehP"
Sundance Feely says, "theeS eeS ee-a ffeBReeCeshooh ehff zee-a TReheht eenneet"
˙!Roshan Tamboli buckles in!
˙THE JUDGE slams their palms against the table!
John Mcgeegerton (as Wiz Buster) says, "ffehehCK, mmhmm."
˙!Roshan Tamboli buckles in!
THE JUDGE says, "ehRDER"
THE JUDGE exclaims, "ehRDER!!!"
The Whizzzard [145.9] declares, "Janice Reed, you're on the spooky station! Enjoy your new temp job as a Tourist!"
˙THE JUDGE slams their palms against the table!
Jenny Chengling asks, "Gehehd lehrd, elreeght?"
Ensign Daeren says, "lmffeeh eenneet"
AquinASS the Dumb says, "Wlp"
˙Roshan Tamboli attacks Roshan Tamboli in the chest with the photo of AquinASS the Dumb!
˙James Johnson has analyzed James Johnson's vitals!
˙James Johnson has analyzed James Johnson's vitals!
˙!Roshan Tamboli shakes Roshan Tamboli trying to wake Roshan Tamboli up!
˙James Johnson has analyzed Boop Bot's vitals!
˙James Johnson has analyzed Roshan Tamboli's vitals!
˙!James Johnson has added Health Analyzer to First-Aid!
John Mcgeegerton (as Wiz Buster) says, "ffehehCK eenneet"
John Fuckupson says, "ehh gehd, veht ees thees!? eenneet"
Sundance Feely says, "zee-a veeZeRD eeS CehLLehBReTeeNG Teh BReeNG DevN zee-a STeshooh"
˙!James Johnson has added First-Aid to the backpack!
The Whizzzard states, "Perhaps"
Ensign Daeren says, "JehehDGe-a-e MeY I SehehBMeeT EfeeDENCe-a-e B"
Jenny Chengling says, "thees ees TERReeBLE"
˙Roshan Tamboli throws the photo of AquinASS the Dumb.
˙!Roshan Tamboli unbuckles.
The Whizzzard states, "A short recess should be held"
THE JUDGE says, "Yes, yeheheh mey sehehbmeet Efeedence-a-e B."
Kiki Kolana says, "theeS eeS eLL zee-a veeZeRDS ffehehLT"
Frank Railway says, "ee'M seh hehehngry I cehehehld eet ee-a vhehle-a-e reeendeer"
THE JUDGE says, "RECESS"
THE JUDGE exclaims, "RECESS!"
AquinASS the Dumb says, "and after i was "Pardoned" Security shought me out and proceeded to strip me and attempt to murder me"
James Johnson says, "ee-a egree-a-e veet vheezzerd."
THE JUDGE says, "ehkey."
Ensign Daeren points to the photo of Sundance Feely
The Whizzzard [145.9] declares, "Albrecht The Explorer, you're on the spooky station! Enjoy your new temp job as a Staff Assistant!"
Ensign Daeren says, "EfeeDENCe-a-e B"
Jenny Chengling gasps.
SpaceChief01 earned the Peeping Tom medal.
Kiki Kolana says, "Breeng veezerd next teh zee-a jehehdge"
Jenny Chengling lets out a girly little 'toot' from her butt.
John Mcgeegerton (as Wiz Buster) exclaims, "vehT eoon zee-a ffehehC K eeS HePPENeeNG, ooh hooh. - Bork Bork Bork!"
Sundance Feely raises an eyebrow.
AquinASS the Dumb says, "Namely the Detective and John"
Ensign Daeren says, "e-a PeeCTehehRe-a-e ehff ee-a HoohDSehMe-a-e DeSHeeNG HEeD ehff SECehehReeTY CLEeRLY NehT eeNfehLfED veet zee-a MehehRDeh ehff ENToohe-a-e ehRPHooheGES eenneet"
THE JUDGE says, "ehRDER!, y'ell."
Sailor Dave says, "ehehehehehehehe"
˙THE JUDGE slams their palms against the table!
˙The feeling of Swedishness passes.
˙You feel a little less conversation would be great.
˙You no longer feel like being rude and sassy.
William Cosby farts egregiously.

Daeren posted:

quote:

Robot 534: Was this jury screened at all
Robot 534: They all seem to have murderous intent
THE JUDGE: It was screened by whether or not they were able to open the glass door.

RickVoid posted:

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Daeren posted:

In the Space Justice System the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups. The Heads of Security who shave wizards, and the Administrators who organize gimmick trials. These are their stories.

ChickenHeart posted:

I sincerely hope that someone turned into a Batman villain in the aftermath of that trial.

Leif. posted:

So I've watched a lot of SS13, never really tried to play. Loaded up a late night game (apparently a changeling round) midway through as a scientist. While I was learning the interface in a hidden corner, I noticed some dude breaking in. I asked what he was doing, he said something about bath salts. I started to say "Oh cool, can I try some" but he already was forcing me down and making me eat them. Suddenly I'm completely roided out so I decided to go gently caress THE POLICE and make wild demands about my constitutional rights, and tried to fight any cop that came near me. I chased after the Detective, screaming obscenities, but passed out before getting to him. Somehow I made it into Medi bay, where I was wandering around looking for a medkit. I found one, but got locked in since I didn't have access. So I'm sort of entombed here. And now the emergency shuttle is on its way. Of course the Detective comes by to see what's going on. I am no longer high on bath salts so I profess my great love for the police. He leaves me to my fate.

SS:13 -- a tragic hood love story.

-e- Someone let me out with like no time to spare. I barely made it to the shuttle and somehow managed to survive the rampaging changeling inside it. I almost accidentally satisfied my optional objectives too -- be on fire with silver sulfazidine in your system (I had it in my system but was no longer on fire), and be on meth (mostly everyone else was on a huge cocktail of drugs, but I was trapped in the medbay too long to get any).