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  • Locked thread
SuccinctAndPunchy
Mar 29, 2013

People are supposed to get hurt by things. It's fucked up to not. It's not good for you.

Razorwired posted:

I think the only other person to get their page deleted/pruned down was Yahtzee of Zero Punctuation because he tanked some game Fast Eddie did the AI for, specifically calling Ahab's work out as one of the worst parts of the experience. But of course it's back up by now.

Kinda want to know what game this was.

Also, the whole Jay O thing in this thread is really frightening. They have it outright written in the rules that there is no out clause for someone who wants their personal poo poo taken off the website? That's horrendously controlling and of course most Tropers are at the point where they just blithely say "Welp, them's the rules nothing we can do for you" rather than taking the time out to think for a second why the rule is bad and why treating a person the same way you treat a work of fiction is incredibly insensitive.

I knew Tropers collectively have a hosed up moral compass, but I wasn't aware they basically can't distinguish reality from fiction. Dunno why that shocks me the way it does, but it does.

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Oxxidation
Jul 22, 2007
Yahtzee's page is a bit of an oddity, because there's not a lot of text on there compared to most Internet critics with his output (Doug Walker has like a dozen sub-pages, for Christ's sake), and almost none of the updates have to do with his content. Instead it's almost all tropers trying to riddle out his tastes in video games by scouring quotes from his previous videos, only to have them deleted immediately after for being natter or whatever.

His Dethroning Moment of Suck page was like twelve scrolls deep before the site deleted them all, though. That page was a player.

Asgerd
May 6, 2012

I worked up a powerful loneliness in my massive bed, in the massive dark.
Grimey Drawer
Hot drat, this thread exploded overnight. What the hell happened?

[...]

Oh. That's... actually a little less terrible than I was expecting. :v:

made of bees
May 21, 2013

SuccinctAndPunchy posted:

Also, the whole Jay O thing in this thread is really frightening. They have it outright written in the rules that there is no out clause for someone who wants their personal poo poo taken off the website? That's horrendously controlling and of course most Tropers are at the point where they just blithely say "Welp, them's the rules nothing we can do for you" rather than taking the time out to think for a second why the rule is bad and why treating a person the same way you treat a work of fiction is incredibly insensitive.

Theoretically, what they have is a rule that you don't have authority over a page just because it's about your work. And theoretically, pages about real people are either supposed to have tropes pertaining to that person's work or how that person is portrayed in fiction and aren't supposed to be applying tropes to that person's personal life. It's just that, like a lot of their rules, their policy for the latter is to not enforce it until someone gets mad at them.

Apple Tree
Sep 8, 2013
You know, I was looking at the comments about how they can't seem to distinguish talking about Jay O's personal life from talking about a fictional character and thinking, 'Welp, that's your garden variety objectification right there...' But actually I think it's weirder than that. Think of their mission statement on the home page:

quote:

We are also not a wiki for bashing things. Once again, we're about celebrating fiction, not showing off how snide and sarcastic we can be.

Get that? You're not supposed to bash 'things'. Bashing people, though, is perfectly okay. Jay O would probably be getting more defenders if she was fictional.

CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

Have fun!
I'm a little skeeved out to say this, but I'm really surprised Jay O didn't ended up with a bunch of Tropers willing to White Knight her...

(thank God for small favors)

CobiWann fucked around with this message at 18:16 on Nov 12, 2013

TheSwami
Sep 25, 2004
<img src="https://fi.somethingawful.com/customtitles/title-theswami-14.jpg"><br><i>hello old friend</i>

CobiWann posted:

I'm a little skeeved out to say this, but I'm really surprised Jay O didn't get a bunch of Tropers to White Knight her...

(thank God for small favors)

Nah, recently she's stopped being so gentle with her opinions - meaning she no longer expresses herself in a manner designed to coddle the feelings of easily offended fanboys - and this has resulted in many of the weirdo obsessives who once followed her around hoping she'd become their waifu abandoning her, usually because she was "mean" about Man of Steel or Legend of Korra. That's what it's about in most cases (that I've seen).

Usually this means all she did was express herself plainly and say pretty much the exact same thing as any other TGWTG contributor, but she was their pure, gentle, opinion-validating fantasy object before, and now that she isn't doing the "well I don't like this but you do and you're right and I'm wrong sorry for saying anything guys" thing anymore, the crowd that would usually show up to white knight is turning on her. There are a few factors in play here but all you really have to do is see the kind of poo poo she winds up taking (and Lindsay Ellis and pretty much any other woman who contributes to the site who is plain-spoken and sincerely interested in actual criticism and not just fanboy pandering non-opinions) to see the innate sexism at work. If she were a dude nobody would come at her like this for simply saying why she didn't like some lovely superhero movie and explaining why.

The TVTropes saga has been a strange one. I've never had details of my personal life listed on a website as "tropes" and editorialized about by creepy "fans" before, but now I have, all because I'm in a relationship with someone the site obsesses over. It's kinda like the TMZ of internet "celebrities". The feeling that you've had your privacy seriously violated is a new and altogether unpleasant one.

made of bees
May 21, 2013

Apple Tree posted:

You know, I was looking at the comments about how they can't seem to distinguish talking about Jay O's personal life from talking about a fictional character and thinking, 'Welp, that's your garden variety objectification right there...' But actually I think it's weirder than that. Think of their mission statement on the home page:


Get that? You're not supposed to bash 'things'. Bashing people, though, is perfectly okay. Jay O would probably be getting more defenders if she was fictional.

Nah, the thing is she "bashed" things (that tropers liked) first, once you do that there's open season on you.

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011

e: beaten by loving bees

Apple Tree posted:

You know, I was looking at the comments about how they can't seem to distinguish talking about Jay O's personal life from talking about a fictional character and thinking, 'Welp, that's your garden variety objectification right there...' But actually I think it's weirder than that. Think of their mission statement on the home page:

Get that? You're not supposed to bash 'things'. Bashing people, though, is perfectly okay. Jay O would probably be getting more defenders if she was fictional.
Ah, but Jay O is fair game because she bashes things (and worse, their fans :monocle:) for a living. Fast Eddie is the guy almost solely responsible for the 'no bashing (or real analysis)' rule on the wiki and he still has that little gently caress Critics message at the bottom of his page (y'know, under that anecdote about a conversation between him and his two sockpuppets).

TVtropes has a pretty good history with treating people like poo poo in situations like this though, see also that person who wanted credit for their comic(?) being used as a page image and got roundly told to go to hell.

e again: The game Ahab worked on (in what I'm going to go ahead and assume was a minor role given what we know about his coding skillz) was the Wolfenstein remake. The one Yahtzee reviewed in limerick form. I've only heard that in this thread though, even if it makes sense - all I remember is FE throwing a shitfit in the Zero Punctuation discussion page.

Saint Drogo fucked around with this message at 17:16 on Nov 12, 2013

Arist
Feb 13, 2012

who, me?


Does anyone know what game Yahtzee reviewed that apparently lead to Fast Eddie deleting most of the page? Somebody mentioned that FE did the AI on it and that sounds like hilariously stupid drama so I'd like to know more.

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless

Saint Drogo posted:

Ah, but Jay O is fair game because she bashes things (and worse, their fans :monocle:) for a living. Fast Eddie is the guy almost solely responsible for the 'no bashing (or real analysis)' rule on the wiki and he still has that little gently caress Critics message at the bottom of his page (y'know, under that anecdote about a conversation between him and his two sockpuppets).

Keep in mind that Fast Eddie is supposed to have said, "Constructive criticism is saying what's good about a work," and even if he didn't there's more than enough people on his site who seem to agree with the sentiment.

MrAristocrates posted:

Does anyone know what game Yahtzee reviewed that apparently lead to Fast Eddie deleting most of the page? Somebody mentioned that FE did the AI on it and that sounds like hilariously stupid drama so I'd like to know more.

One of the Wolfenstein games, I think.

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

"From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.
Buglord

Metal Loaf posted:

Keep in mind that Fast Eddie is supposed to have said, "Constructive criticism is saying what's good about a work," and even if he didn't there's more than enough people on his site who seem to agree with the sentiment.



I already know that the answer is a firm No but don't these people want to improve their work?

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011

Improbable Lobster posted:

I already know that the answer is a firm No but don't these people want to improve their work?
They don't have work to improve. Most of them don't produce anything beyond what they write to take part in forum games. TVtropes isn't a writer's community, or even a community with a higher number of wannabe-writers in it than anywhere else geeks congregate. That's why ninjaxenomorph's "attacking our creativity??" was so funny - not counting the occasional internet tip of the hat from creators who are vaguely aware of the site, the biggest creative successes from the TVTropes community are a Neon Genesis Evangelion/Warhammer 40k crossover fanfic, a rewrite of the first Harry Potter book by a maniac who wishes he was autistic and the line "the dickgirls opened fire".

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat

Saint Drogo posted:

They don't have work to improve. Most of them don't produce anything beyond what they write to take part in forum games. TVtropes isn't a writer's community, or even a community with a higher number of wannabe-writers in it than anywhere else geeks congregate. That's why ninjaxenomorph's "attacking our creativity??" was so funny - not counting the occasional internet tip of the hat from creators who are vaguely aware of the site, the biggest creative successes from the TVTropes community are a Neon Genesis Evangelion/Warhammer 40k crossover fanfic, a rewrite of the first Harry Potter book by a maniac who wishes he was autistic and the line "the dickgirls opened fire".
Hey now, let's not forget Mindless Conflict and adolescent knife-sex!

TGLT
Aug 14, 2009

Improbable Lobster posted:

I already know that the answer is a firm No but don't these people want to improve their work?

How could they possibly improve? Their works, whether they actually exist or are just ideas bouncing around in their heads, are so much like the things they already enjoy that clearly they are exactly as good. It's mathematics. If a thing is good and you like it in one context, then tearing it out like it was just a single gear and shoving it into your thing won't diminish or change its quality at all. The gently caress is context anyways? All shall be well, and all manner of anime shall be well.

eyebones
Nov 16, 2012
Not sure where the "no criticism allowed" thing is coming from. There is a huge TVT Reviews section with plenty of bashing reviews.

WickedHate
Aug 1, 2013

by Lowtax

eyebones posted:

Not sure where the "no criticism allowed" thing is coming from. There is a huge TVT Reviews section with plenty of bashing reviews.

And their stalking victims favorite Real Life characters at That Guy With The Glasses are built around negative reviews. Which isn't to dismiss the positive reviews, but the vast majority of it and a lot of what the fans love is the negative stuff.

HEY GUNS
Oct 11, 2012

FOPTIMUS PRIME

Regalingualius posted:

Do a review praising The Last Airbender. Or some other work/adaptation they seem to universally hate.
Late to this, but what do they think is wrong with Last Airbender? It's a great kid's show.

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

"From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.
Buglord

a travelling HEGEL posted:

Late to this, but what do they think is wrong with Last Airbender? It's a great kid's show.

The terrible Shyamalan film was just called The Last Airbender, while the series was Avatar The Last Airbender.

Arc Hammer
Mar 4, 2013

Got any deathsticks?

a travelling HEGEL posted:

Late to this, but what do they think is wrong with Last Airbender? It's a great kid's show.

Hell all you'd need to do is call it a great kid's show. They go apeshit when you tell them that their favorite show isn't actually aimed at their demographic.

HEY GUNS
Oct 11, 2012

FOPTIMUS PRIME

Improbable Lobster posted:

The terrible Shyamalan film was just called The Last Airbender, while the series was Avatar The Last Airbender.
Whoah, sorry. Do they hate the lovely film or the good TV series?

Regalingualius
Jan 7, 2012

We gazed into the eyes of madness... And all we found was horny.




They hate the movie, and treat the series as if it's God's gift to American anime fans.

Not that I really have any room to talk, considering I bought the entire series to rewatch it just this weekend. :v:

Apple Tree
Sep 8, 2013

WickedHate posted:

And their stalking victims favorite Real Life characters at That Guy With The Glasses are built around negative reviews. Which isn't to dismiss the positive reviews, but the vast majority of it and a lot of what the fans love is the negative stuff.

Ah, but you see, you're exercising logic. Expecting consistency from these people is not going to get you anywhere. They just want people to agree with them about everything that they've decided is important, which is to say, pretty much every opinion they have. Whether a critic is positive or negative isn't the point; the question is whether their ONE OF US gooble-gabble patter is done right. A woman who stops pretzelling into endless loops of 'Just my opinion not judging anyone everyone's right in their own way art is all subjective this is just the opinion of little old me who doesn't matter' (however strongly-held her actual opinion may be) is not doing the gooble-gabble, and will cop poo poo from women as well as men. It's like walking down a street wearing the wrong gang signs: the Internet is their turf, and you gotta get got.

'Bashing' doesn't mean 'being negative'. It means 'having an opinion I don't like.'

That said, what is the relationship history between TWGTG and TVTropes? I know that some reviewers have a tendency to use tropes in a way that mars otherwise interesting commentary, but that's about as much as I do know.

kaleidolia
Apr 25, 2012

Apple Tree posted:

That said, what is the relationship history between TWGTG and TVTropes? I know that some reviewers have a tendency to use tropes in a way that mars otherwise interesting commentary, but that's about as much as I do know.

Tropers are the kind of people who will hear a review's throwaway joke, then create several pages documenting all the tropes it might have:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/JustForFun/DisneysAnneFrank

Apple Tree
Sep 8, 2013

kaleidolia posted:

Tropers are the kind of people who will hear a review's throwaway joke, then create several pages documenting all the tropes it might have:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/JustForFun/DisneysAnneFrank

My aching sides. :reject:

Reminds me of this bit on how geek humor works:

quote:

1) Restating the joke completely. It’s unclear why this would improve it, but you can bet that if you have a gag involving a fireman wearing red suspenders to keep his pants up, at least one geek will show up to suggest that he use the suspenders to assist in the keeping up of his pants.

...3) Making the joke go on longer (Type A). This is often seen in the case of a brief parody of something. The geek will come in and attempt to extend the conceit on longer (because, after, more is always better and nothing should ever end!). While they may stumble across an angle the original writer didn’t think of, they will inevitably make the entire affair run on to such an extent that the original writer will have every regret he wrote the thing in the first place.

JackMackerel
Jun 15, 2011

TheSwami posted:

Nah, recently she's stopped being so gentle with her opinions - meaning she no longer expresses herself in a manner designed to coddle the feelings of easily offended fanboys - and this has resulted in many of the weirdo obsessives who once followed her around hoping she'd become their waifu abandoning her, usually because she was "mean" about Man of Steel or Legend of Korra. That's what it's about in most cases (that I've seen).


I thought Obscurus or the Chick were the most slobbered over? JesuOtaku always seemed under the radar.

(the rest is a bad post you can read below for maximum internet shame)

Metal Loaf posted:

One of the Wolfenstein games, I think.

The latest one, if I recall, which... was a simple limerick that only got negative in the last few lines. And FE was acting like Yahtzee personally came there to poo poo on his wiki when he cleaned the page up.

REAL TALK THAT IS RELEVANT:

Tropers fighting!

JackMackerel fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Nov 12, 2013

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

"From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.
Buglord

JackMackerel posted:

I thought Obscurus or the Chick were the most slobbered over? JesuOtaku always seemed under the radar.

I think she's irritating when it comes to not shutting up about fandoms/work she dislikes (even if the work isn't that good, because MOS kinda sucked and RWBY sucks a little more than that. "You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an rear end in a top hat" sort of deal) and the dumb Korra thing smelled of trying to piss people off, and I fully expect the 'but the fanbase is terrible and deserves it' sort of rationalization. Yeah, yeah, I know, people on Twitter make me want to jump off a cliff, too. The annoying back-and-forth she does on Twitter with some scorned fan that would be avoided with hitting the block button until your mouse breaks

She had a couple of defenders in TV Tropes who were trying to clear away anything negative by claiming wiki rules against creators (read: ~negativity not allowed~) but I guess that counts for nothing against angry nerds? Either way, the entire thing is dumb and people are dumb.

fake edit: yes i know she posts here woo go me "blunt opinion"


The latest one, if I recall, which... was a simple limerick that only got negative in the last few lines. And FE was acting like Yahtzee personally came there to poo poo on his wiki when he cleaned the page up.

REAL TALK:

Cool post
:thumbsup:

Srice
Sep 11, 2011

Metal Loaf posted:

One of the Wolfenstein games, I think.

The hilarious thing is that the review could be summed up as: This is a generic modern FPS game and hard to review because it's just really mediocre. That's what he threw a temper tantrum over.

Arist
Feb 13, 2012

who, me?


kaleidolia posted:

Tropers are the kind of people who will hear a review's throwaway joke, then create several pages documenting all the tropes it might have:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/JustForFun/DisneysAnneFrank

Related: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/InspectorSpacetime

Lottery of Babylon
Apr 25, 2012

STRAIGHT TROPIN'

Let me tell you about my strong feelings toward internet reviewers, personally I think the bitch had it coming, also everyone is dumb and I am superior

TheSwami
Sep 25, 2004
<img src="https://fi.somethingawful.com/customtitles/title-theswami-14.jpg"><br><i>hello old friend</i>

Lottery of Babylon posted:

Let me tell you about my strong feelings toward internet reviewers, personally I think the bitch had it coming, also everyone is dumb and I am superior

*posts on TVtropes "some fans think she shouldn't post on Something Awful, it has created a divide between her and the TGWTG fan community"*

literally what she has to deal with

Apple Tree
Sep 8, 2013

JackMackerel posted:

I fully expect the 'but the fanbase is terrible and deserves it' sort of rationalization.

:irony:

sexpig by night
Sep 8, 2011

by Azathoth
Well that was a disgusting story to read from start to finish.

kaleidolia
Apr 25, 2012

Wow, it even has a Wiki all of its own.

http://madmanwithabooth.wikia.com/wiki/Inspector_SpaceTime_Wiki

So much work for what amounts to word-swapping things from Doctor Who. Everything must be tropes!

JackMackerel posted:

I thought Obscurus or the Chick were the most slobbered over? JesuOtaku always seemed under the radar.

Disregarding your other stuff, Jay O reviews anime (including Eiken and High School of the Dead) and is a girl. I'd be surprised if she didn't attract the more ardent creepers.

TheSwami posted:

*posts on TVtropes "some fans think she shouldn't post on Something Awful, it has created a divide between her and the TGWTG fan community"*

literally what she has to deal with

Jesus. Surely there's a rule against negatively documenting every action a real person takes? That's sickening.

Apple Tree
Sep 8, 2013

kaleidolia posted:


Disregarding your other stuff, Jay O reviews anime (including Eiken and High School of the Dead) and is a girl. I'd be surprised if she didn't attract the more ardent creepers.

It's like the Highlander: there can only be one woman on any given site who gets creeped over enough to count. Don't you know that? :eng101:

JackMackerel
Jun 15, 2011

kaleidolia posted:

Wow, it even has a Wiki all of its own.


Disregarding your other stuff, Jay O reviews anime (including Eiken and High School of the Dead) and is a girl. I'd be surprised if she didn't attract the more ardent creepers.


Jesus. Surely there's a rule against negatively documenting every action a real person takes? That's sickening.

She did, but way less than the other girls. I think all of them have been showered in stupid fanfiction and creepy posts. I remember Obscurus getting a ton of vile poo poo for "causing Spoony to leave".

Also, yeah, there is. (Surprisingly.) "YMMV" poo poo isn't allowed for actual people, but tropers put it in anyway by putting it on the work pages and the mods are too lazy to do anything about it.

JackMackerel fucked around with this message at 22:37 on Nov 12, 2013

Lottery of Babylon
Apr 25, 2012

STRAIGHT TROPIN'

TvTropes used to have an enormous series of pages on the "Hooker Verse", a set of fanfics about the real-life TGWTG reviewers all forced to be prostitutes and get raped constantly. It got enough attention during the last thread that they deleted the page, blanked the history, and pretended it never existed...



...but they suck at hiding the evidence.

Still, even if their page index thinks the page still exists, surely they've at least scrubbed their fanfic recs page, right?

Of course not posted:

Hookerverse by emeriin (with guest authors; dark!fic, prostitution, swearing, drugs, alcohol; link goes to masterlist)
* Recommended by nombretomado
* Synopsis: This was apparently a long time in coming, first thought of in the early days of the fandom. Essentially a re-thinking of the TGWTG crew centering around a club, run by the Mikes, featuring some as pimps, some as hookers, and others as customers getting drawn in. Emeriin is the main author, but others have written with her blessing.
* Comments: Absolutely unafraid to go into the down and dirties of such a 'verse, these fics run the gamut from the depressing, to the hot, to the horrifying. Though the idea is cracky, characterization is not ignored and people are still recognizable as themselves. While it is centered around hookers, there are both smut and gen-fics.

I'm probably just cherrypicking, though, the rest of their recommendations can't all be that creepy.

Or can they? posted:

untitled by unknown (M Preg, implied character death, really disturbing imagery.)
* Recommended by emeriin
* Synopsis: Things go from amusing to horrifying when Critic gets pregnant.
* Comments: Dark M Preg that's actually good is seriously hard to come by and this one stays in your mind for days. And the characterization is excellent; Chick cares deeply but does it in a quiet way and Critic is suffering badly (when his hair starts falling out, you'll be crying) but is strong-willed to the very end. Who says all Kink Meme fills have to be kinky?

Huh, that one was recommended by the author of the Hookerverse. I wonder-

Uh posted:

Go Amongst Mad People by keevacaereni (Torture, gore, horror themes, multiple endings.)
* Recommended by emeriin
* Pairings: Spoony/Scarlett.
* Synopsis: Spoony was committed on the 8th May. Scarlett visits him every week.
* Comments: It's time we had some serious Nightmare Fuel fic up in here. Another AU born out of the Kink Meme, this fic transplants the TGWTG crew in a sadistic mental hospital run by Ask That Guy (so naturally, Critic needs saving - and believe me when I say that The Reveal of what ATG and Insano are using him for will give you bad dreams) and Dr. Insano. This was scary, fantastic and a joy to read, even if you're not a Nightmare Fetishist.

Why posted:

Or Is It? by Iambic (Bondage, mindfuckery, knifeplay, dubcon, Critic!whump. Link goes to the first chapter, of which there are three.)
* Recommended by emeriin

Welp posted:

Tie A Red Ribbon by Fininevermore (Bondage, knifeplay. Link goes to the first chapter, of which there are three.)
* Recommended by emeriin
* Pairings: Critic/Nerd, Critic/Ask That Guy, Ask That Guy/Nerd/Critic.
* Synopsis: Ask That Guy decides to get the Nostalgia Critic a Christmas present. The problem is, it's unwilling, loud and very, very angry.

No posted:

In the Wasteland of Truth by nombrehetomado (Prostitution, character death, violence. Link goes to the first six chapters.)
* Recommended by emeriin
* Pairings: Critic/Ask That Guy, Spoony/Scarlett, Insano/Scarlett, Critic/Chick.
* Synopsis: A murderer is on the loose in Victorian times, and a detective is hot on his trail. He's getting sucked in way, way over his head.
* Comments: Born out of the Kink Meme, this Victorian AU is both fanservice-y (Critic's a rent-boy with eyeliner, Chick, Goggles and Marz are fem-dommy stage girls in suits) and extremely gripping. The characters are both perfect in themselves and perfect for the time, in speech and actions and thinking processes.

:stare:

I know this isn't even all that bizarre by the standards of fanfics, but usually they're written about cartoon drawings, not real-life people.

She has her own troper page.

She also says she's 21, so this isn't just some idiot 15-year-old who will grow out of it in a year or two posted:

Fetish: Dominant women and submissive guys (that aren't Rape Is Okay When Its Female On Male), white labcoats, bondage and corsets.

Nightmare Fetishist: I like humiliating deaths and Gorn when it involves Bishōnen.

Venusian Weasel
Nov 18, 2011

I take back what I said earlier about a lack of notability not necessarily being a bad thing when used as a tool for criticism (at least for the purposes of TVTropes). At this point it's only an excuse to post poo poo like that. Yuck.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again

Almost two weeks into November and we've hardly talked about tropers' novels-in-progress? For shame.

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

As they entered the old, dark, seemingly abandoned building, they both wondered if they arrived at the right spot. Quietly they made their way upstairs, holding their hands tightly. Not that it would matter anyway. Even though the place seemed old, the stairs weren’t squeaking under the weight of their feet. Slowly, silently, they climbed the stairs. If they did it more quietly, well, it would just be a bit more quiet. No human being could be completely silent.

They finally made their way upstairs. They only had one lantern to light the place, and surely it wasn’t enough to see everything clearly. This place was clearly abandoned, as there was no furniture present here. Slowly, they moved down the hallway, until they came upon a room with more doors.

Suddenly, they heard something. Quickly they moved their lantern to see where the sound was coming from. A closet door opened, and out there was a hideous beast, a monster, the one big nightmare they were hoping they would never ever meet. It was more hideous than a troll, more dangerous than a bog beast, it was…

“Oh god dammit, Clint,” Tea said to the figure appearing from behind the walls.

NaNoWriMo: "If they did it more quietly it would be a bit more quiet"

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

But I think I’m moving a bit too fast here. Let me start from the beginning, in a small village, on a small planet called Phandagron, situated between Warget and that other planet we should never mention ever. It was several decades ago, when the floating city of Order wasn’t as popular as it is now, where times were… pretty much the same as they are now, but it was earlier than now. Obviously.

It was in Koki Village where two girls became best friends. Their friendship started when a very young girl with dark hair approached another girl, around the same age, with blonde hair. You see, this blonde haired girl was a shy girl, who didn’t get along with the other kids. The dark haired girl however, wasn’t as shy, and happily played with the rest.

“Hi,” the dark haired girl said. “My name is Tea. Tea Cha. What’s your name?”

The blonde haired girl remained silent for a while, then softly said, “I’m Delta.”

“Hi Delta,” Tea said. “Wanna play?”

And play they did. What? Did you expect some elaborate story on how they became friends? That’s not how real life goes. Real life is always simple, like a flower. Flowers are small and gentle, and most of the time smell right, except they die when you don’t nurture them well. Also, they survive by photosynthesis, so I guess that’s where the comparison stops.
oh boy oh boy this story is ~quirky~

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

Tea and Delta quickly became best friends, sharing the good times and the bad times. But alas, like I said, friendship is like a flower. What do you say? Life is like a flower? What fool would state-oh right, never mind. Anyway, friendship is something you’d have to handle with care. Sure, best friends can say a lot more to each other than regular friends, but even that wouldn’t last forever, so after a huge fight, they both broke off their friendship, and went their own way.

There might be one point in time where their friendship was already put to the test, though, and it would be the start of their falling out. You see, Phandagron isn’t just a planet. No, you might not have noticed it, but each planet in our solar system has certain traits. For example, most would know that Craneus is the most technologically advanced planet, while Phandagron seems to be stuck in a pre-electricity era, even though it does have electricity. That’s because the life style of each planet is different. Craneus for example is so high in technology because that planet seems to be based on logic, science and other things that require lots of brain power. Landbox seems to be more based on city management. Zholhu is the more industrial planet. Rumors go that some dark secrets lie there, and it’s often labeled as the mystery planet. It is the most depressing planet, I can tell you, but they do have the best schooling. Warget is more of a war planet, that is, everyone and everything on that planet seems to be in a perpetual war against each other. Now the reason why Phandagron doesn’t seem that technologically advanced is because it really doesn’t require technology. I mean, we’ve got magic! Magic trumps all! This is also why you would only find creatures like manticores and harpies on this planet.
Now we know where all that hard work worldbuilding goes!

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

Tea and Delta were only eight years old when they wandered off while playing games. It wasn’t until they noticed their village was only a speck that they realized that they went too far, but seeing as they were kids, they were curious about what lied beyond.

“Maybe we should go back,” Delta said.

“No way!” Tea said. “We’ve come this far already. I wanna know what’s over this hill.”

“But what if something happens to us?”

“Don’t worry, Delta, nothing can happen to us. Besides, if we would ever get in a tight spot, I could use my wicked ninja skills to get us out.”

They decided to move along, up the hill. When they finally reached the top, they were amazed by the view. Trees as far as the eye can reach, with some mountains in the background. Quickly Delta noticed that there was a path leading straight into a forest.

“Tea, look!”

“Wow, amazing find, Delta. Now I wonder, who would put that road there?”

“I don’t know, but if someone has built that path, it surely wouldn’t be that dangerous.”
They were amazed by the view, which had trees with some mountains behind it.

"Wow, amazing find, Delta." - No eight year old ever

I'm just going to start skipping around.

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

“I’m sure that by now you’ve read the Ninja Ogre series, or at least watched the movies. As you might know, they take place after a certain war between orcs and ogres, with tensions between both races still present. What not many know is what the true nature of this war was.

“You see, the war between races, also known as the Urudo Oukora War, began the moment orcs and ogres came upon this universe, born on two separate sides of our home planet. Back then, the two races were raised from a literal genetic pool. It initially was a battle for survival, which, after centuries of strife, turned into a battle for dominance.

“Both orcs and ogres were initially evenly matched. However, while us ogres began growing in size to give us an upper hand with strength, orcs maintained their size, which gave them more of an edge when it came to speed and agility. Combine this with the fact that they were technologically superior, being able to craft better weapons, and you could see that our race was no match unless we learned to adapt.

“This is how ogres, despite our size, would become great ninjas, and even long after the war had passed, the tradition still stands. We became more stealthy out of necessity, but now that the war has been long over, we train anybody we would find worthy, even orcs. Now I have to say, not every academy is as strict as this one, but there’s a reason why we’re so strict.”
It's a good thing I'm still interested in hearing about your dull and cliche monkeycheese Fantasy Kitchen Sink Troperrific Lampshade Sale worldbuilding.

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

“Who’s Mr. Huggatus?” Tea said.

She blushed out of embarrassment. “It’s my teddybear.”

“That’s… a pretty bad name, no offense.”

“Well, he’s a magical bear, so he needs to have a magical name.”

“Oh really? What does he do?”

“Well, nothing, but sometimes I pretend he’s a wizard.”

“Right, that explains everything.”

***

“So what’s the deal with that hair of hers?” Hank asked Delta.

“Just ask it herself,” Delta said.

“Well, it seems to me that she’s hiding something.”

***

“So Delta,” Suzette said. “How did you know about me?”

“Well, I met your sister during paladancer training, and we basically became friends, so when I asked her who the person on one of her pictures was, she said it was you. So yeah, that’s the story.”

***

“So what’s the deal with that hair of yours?” Hank asked Tea.

“Why’d you ask?” Tea responded.

“Just curious. I was just wondering if you were hiding something.”

“Well, there’s your answer.”

***

Night fell. They already had made some distance, so they set up their camp.

“Hey Suzette,” Tea said. “Where exactly are we heading to?”

“We’re going to one of the abandoned shrines. It might give us some answers.”

“How’s that?”

“Because it’s haunted. Maybe we can get answers from the undead. Or just the dead, whichever is easier to talk to.”

“That makes as much sense as any of Clint’s plans.”

“No, you don’t understand. The shrines were all originally designed as a quick portal to other realms. For example, you have Urudo shrines or Oukora shrines, which would allow for fast communication between other shrines of the same kind, including those on the home planets of the orcs and ogres, by creating a tiny wormhole, a sort of portal between two places. Usually these holes are just big enough to transmit sound or imagery, but since ghosts don’t have any physical form, they can just freely travel through these portals.”
I was seriously just pulling this one for the dialogue, but I got a bonus, more lovely worldbuilding!

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

It was a long trip, taking over a week. There was a lot of bonding and bickering. Despite their rivalry, Tea and Delta both stayed in the group. They did fight sometimes, but it was quickly resolved by either Suzette or Hank. They went through various landscapes, from grasslands to deserts.
They went through various landscapes, from Final Fantasy 5 to Final Fantasy 6.

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

“So,” Delta said, “when exactly did you and Hank, you know, do it?”

“I dunno, we were, like, really, really young. I mean, not young young, but, you know, young young.”

Tea laughed. “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Like, we knew each other from when we were kids, you know?” Suzette said. “And surely, we eventually, like, experimented and stuff. I mean, you know, like, when you’re young, you, like, play alchemist and crazed berserker, right?”

“I don’t think that’s what it’s called,” Delta said.

“And was it this one time?” Tea asked.

“‘Course not. I should actually tell this when my mind’s more clear, but, some barbarians are born that way, they can’t be, like, stealthy class thingies and stuff, you get what I’m saying. You know they’re born that way because they sometimes go into berserker mode. Now, when they’re in berserker mode, they like to kill and murder things. The only way to stop them is to, you know, distract them. Or ‘distract’ them.”
This is after the part where all the girls get high and joke about masturbating. YOUNG ADULT AUDIENCE!!! :shepface:

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

“At least we didn’t pass out this time,” Delta said. “Seriously, what was that?”

“Okay, so I was trying out all these kinds of concoctions that could cause several temporary reactions, like burning sensations on certain body parts, or itches, pain relief, complete paralysis. So I started to further experiment, to try to create something that would help me with, well, you know.” She pointed down.

“Right,” Tea said.

“Well, I did find out something that was actually supposed to work by attaching itself to the right synapses, and releasing a chemical that would reroute any form of touch and convert it into, well, that other kind of sensation.”

“And that’s what we’ve experienced?” Tea said. “Oh god…”

Both Delta and Tea felt a bit embarrassed.

“Hey guys, it’s okay, we’re adult females, so we shouldn’t be ashamed of it.”

“Okay, so, why did you mix it with the sauna oils?” Tea said.

“Because it originally didn’t work, so I figured I might just try a steam treatment. Now normally I would have just used a tiny steamer, but this time I had to let it be absorbed by my entire body. And then Delta came in, and you came in, and we all…”

“We get it,” Tea and Delta said.

“Okay,” Tea said, “let’s just agree to never talk about this again.”
No joke for about the last twenty pages it seems like they're just getting high and/or horny

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

They could hear the sound of an earthquake, or a landslide, they weren’t sure, mostly because they noticed nothing else. Then the entity responded.

“Unfortunately, I do not know of this Mammon Thyl’Ahn, nor do I know his whereabouts, so in that regard I will have to disappoint you. I do know of someone who might know where this person might be. I think you know her as Chse.”

“You mean the goddess of love and fertility?” Suzette said.
This is setting off some warning bells but I'm sure I'm just expecting the worst.

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

“You know,” Suzette said, “sometimes double standards can benefit both sides.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Tea said.

“Well, when guys do it, it’s gross, but when girls do it, it’s hot. The point is, we women can take advantage of this.”

“Heck, we already do,” Delta said. “This one time, two obnoxious guys came up to me and Anette, and so we pretended to be a couple by making out with each other.”

“For real?” Suzette said.

“Of course not, we didn’t actually make out with each other, we faked it.”

“That’s not what I—”

“So what happened next?” Tea said.

“Well, those guys still bought us drinks. We even got to give them an autograph and made a picture with them.”

“That’s hilarious!” Suzette said.

“Yeah, we shouldn’t abuse our womanhood,” Tea said.
"You know what would be great?" said an actual girl who was hot, "Making out with a hot girl." Another girl who was also real said, "Yeah, though we're not lesbians." "Of course," the girl said while taking off her top for the kissing. "If we were then we couldn't have sex with men." The second girl took off her bra and did it really slow so it was sexy. "Girls should make out all of the time, because it's a double standard that everyone benefits from." They started to push their tongues together. "Checkmate, feminism!" the second girl moaned in lust and pleasure for her dream man while touching her chest and tongue all over the first girl.

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GreenMetalSun
Oct 12, 2012

Phandagron Chronicles: The Ninja and the Paladancer posted:

“Well, when guys do it, it’s gross.”

I can provide pictures to prove this isn't true.

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