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Sorry if this has been covered earlier in the thread, but are there good social resources for stay at home dads? There's a moms club in the town where we live, but they don't allow dads. I do PTA stuff at school and am acquainted with other parents, but trying to get play dates is a bitch.
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Nov 13, 2013 22:35
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Ron Jeremy posted:Sorry if this has been covered earlier in the thread, but are there good social resources for stay at home dads? There's a moms club in the town where we live, but they don't allow dads. I do PTA stuff at school and am acquainted with other parents, but trying to get play dates is a bitch. I didn't do a lot of playdate stuff when the kids were preschool. We went out walking in the woods a lot, went to lots of museums, learned to ride bikes, and did a lot of grocery shopping, and a lot of hanging out in the park playing monkeybars. My thing with playdates is that I don't really like talking to strangers, and it kinda sucks when your kids don't get along with their kids, but you like them, or vice versa. If you live in a proper city, a museum membership is about the best money you can spend, and many museums have an attended child-play area where you can kinda put half an eyeball on your kid while kid does kid stuff with other kids, and you play with your phone with the other parents who are also only putting half an eyeball on their kid while they play with their phones. The YMCA is a good bet, there is cheap childcare where they will meet other people in their age cohort, and you can have an hour or two to bust out some reps all by yourself with nobody asking you for anything. Failing that, church is a sure thing, free daycare, people who pretty much have to be nice to you. [edit] wait, PTA. Your kid is in school? What do you need playdates for? Tell your kid to go out and see what the neighbors are up to. Sign up for ladybug soccer and lego league. There was a really good neighborhood gang here for about 4 years, with slightly older girl who would show up, collect 6-8 kids from the neighborhood, and do whatever kids do from after-homework till dinner. Was a shame when she moved, the gang still gets together, but I really got a kick out of a porch full of kids asking my kids out every day all summer. Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 01:42 on Nov 14, 2013 |
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Nov 14, 2013 00:34
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That's lovely that they don't allow dads. I belong to a meetup group and although it's called momsters we have a few dads. A lot of libraries also have different age group story times. Museums are also awesome.
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Nov 14, 2013 00:54
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Thank you so much for the replies about my little boob- and pram-sleeper! I've ordered "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and I'm looking for the magical seahorse I've seen recommended by so many people. The wheeling-her-back-and-forth-on-the-balcony-for-naps was a complete and utter failure, but tonight marks the first time since she was three weeks old that she's fallen asleep without the boob or in a pram! We went through the normal circus of eating, falling asleep, waking up after a few minutes screaming, eating, falling asleep, rinse and repeat. Eventually I decided that enough was enough, and sat on the floor next to her crib holding her hand and stroking her head while going "shhh shhh shhh" for 20 minutes. And holy crap, after a couple of rounds of fussing she finally fell asleep! And I managed to get out of the room without waking her despite both my feet having fallen asleep as well. 
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Nov 14, 2013 20:32
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Slo-Tek posted:I didn't do a lot of playdate stuff when the kids were preschool. We went out walking in the woods a lot, went to lots of museums, learned to ride bikes, and did a lot of grocery shopping, and a lot of hanging out in the park playing monkeybars. My thing with playdates is that I don't really like talking to strangers, and it kinda sucks when your kids don't get along with their kids, but you like them, or vice versa. I have 4 kids. Oldest is in third grade, youngest is a newborn. I know lots of the other parents, but trying to arrange playdates for the younger ones is hard. The various moms tend to communicate more with my wife on facebook and such when there's something going on rather than calling me, which on one hand kind of irritates me, but otoh I can sort of understand maybe these women are disinclined from hanging out with a man while their husbands are at work. Or maybe I'm just a goon? Not really a neckbeard kind of guy, but that thought always is in the back of my head. I do story times at the library, I coached the eldest's little league team, I call people to set things up, but I don't get invited. I once took my then three to the beach once and ran into a group of a half or so dozen of the moms from the eldest's school with their kids, which was great for the kids but checked a notch on my self-confidence. The church thing we explored a little. Neither my wife or I are religious, but we did go to a crunchy Unitarian church once to check it out. They had a nice little program for kids, but there were only a couple there and we were the youngest adults there by maybe fifteen years. Proust Malone fucked around with this message at 22:44 on Nov 14, 2013 |
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Nov 14, 2013 22:42
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My husband is a stay at home dad to our one-year-old and I can totally relate (on his behalf) to there not being a whole lot of resources for dads. There's a really active local mom group but it's just that -- all moms. Right now he and the kid just hang out solo since she's young enough that she doesn't really need daily social interaction but we are going to have to figure something out soon. Our town also lacks groups/resources for working moms. I'd love play dates and meet ups with other moms and kids but everything takes place on like a Tuesday afternoon when I'm at work. It's very unbalanced.
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Nov 15, 2013 03:20
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We had a short lived thread for Stay at Home dads, but honestly I think Slo-Tek gave a pretty good summary of the advice in that thread. Also, while I can't speak for your personal hygiene, it's probably not you. In general stay at home moms don't like to hang out with stay at home dads. It's straight up discrimination, albeit one of the weakest form of discrimination ever. I don't think I've ever had anyone actively think it's weird that I'm a stay at home dad, but I do get lots of "oh, that's nice" kind of comments, and more frequently, people just kinda don't talk to you. I know that whenever my kid has a play date that's more than just hanging out with whoever's at the park, it's with close friends with kids. All you can really do is be active with your kids, take them to stuff by yourself. I'd add that rather than try to be part of a group, if you do find any individual parents who are interested in doing stuff, just hang out with them. It may mean that you have to take the initiative in setting stuff up.
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Nov 15, 2013 18:47
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My husband is a stay at home dad and he does a lot of the stuff already mentioned. We have memberships to the zoo and children's museum so they go to those a lot. They go to 'toddler time' at the library once a week where they show up early so my son can play and my husband socializes with the other parents (mostly moms but apparently there is another dad that attends). They also go to places like Bass Pro Shop and Cabela's because my son loves looking at all the taxidermied animals and giant fish tanks they have (and my husband likes all the outdoorsy stuff). The only place we go that I notice more dads than moms is swim lessons. We're still at the age where we have to get into the pool with him and the other parents in the class are 90% dads. I guess the moms are shy about appearing in a swimsuit.
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Nov 15, 2013 21:25
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I wouldn't call it discrimination, it's more that mom's clubs (at least the ones I've ever been exposed to) were founded as social groups for the moms, not the kids. The kids are secondary. Like if you are sick and can't make it to playgroup for a mom's club, you wouldn't send your husband in your place. I have an older kid and the mom's club in the town I lived in when she was a tot had separate playgroups by age and by divisions like stay-at-home mom or working mom. Either way, no nannies were allowed to attend and it wasn't grouped for the benefit of the kids other than similar age. The idea was to meet other women in your near-exact situation as opposed to social groups we're all in that are more family- or kid- oriented like churches, sports, etc. Last time I checked that same club had lifted the working vs. non-working requirements - probably because the economy tanked! But still there was a no-nannies rule.
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Nov 15, 2013 23:05
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I suppose, but I can tell you that you do notice the weirdness as a stay at home dad more and it's frustrating for the same reasons described above. You get this feeling of kind of polite disdain from people. Then again anyone who doesn't automatically fulfill gender role expectations gets that, and it's not so bad compared to real discrimination. Honestly, there unfortunately aren't any good dad resources online. The ones that exist are extremely hit or miss, and you always seem to run the risk of running into MRA or divorced dad's groups. No knock against divorced parents, but that's a different kind of online support than what you're looking for.
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Nov 16, 2013 03:17
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Yeah, and I definitely disagree with it philosophically (divisions like working vs. non-working moms) because it cuts out people for no good reason. I have some great friends still from that time but between us we've all gone back and forth with working, especially since the economy tanked. On the other hand, if everyone in your group is always home in the mornings, it's nice to have a group of people you can call if you need to swap babysitting. That was the original intent. There's more SAHM dads than ever so keep an eye on meetup.com for something more welcoming, or start your own. One of the worst things is being stuck at home with kids, feeling isolated from other adults. Even if you're an introvert before kids, it's not the same as having to deal with kids and their energy all day.
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Nov 16, 2013 21:36
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Had to buy a convertible carseat since littledip outgrew his infant carseat. We had a 20% off babies r us coupon. Then if you sign up for their credit card you get 15% off. Then on Saturday's til December you get 10% off if you use the credit card. It's not a straight 45% off because they take it off one at a time. (20% off total, 15% off adjusted price, 10% off adjusted price +tax) Still pretty awesome deal if you need to buy a big item. Maybe everyone already knew that but we were pleasantly surprised today.
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Nov 17, 2013 01:49
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When your child wants to stand on your feet and walk with you, does anyone else pretend that they're playing "Power Loader Ripley"?
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Nov 17, 2013 16:57
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How do people deal with having 2 kids under the age of 3? At the moment doing anything social is hell, I take Connor to a couple of parent and toddler things and if he starts acting up I feel like there's nothing I can do because Ellie is so clingy if I put her down in the pram to try and stop Connor from running around/screaming/yelling at other kids when she immediately starts screaming too so there's two screaming children and parents look at me like I am a horrible mum. Is this normal, maybe I am a horrible mum. I feel bad for Connor because he's just little and I don't think his 'bad' behaviour is anything unusual but it feels like I can't deal with it properly because of the other screaming banshee. I don't want to stop taking him places but I can't leave the baby with anyone and I'm starting to dread going to classes because I know it's going to end up with lots of screaming and me feeling useless.
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Nov 18, 2013 13:57
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I don't have 2 kids but would the younger tolerate wearing? That way you'd have an extra hand and the younger wouldn't have to be put down.
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Nov 18, 2013 15:04
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Yeah I basically thought baby Bjorn was a ripoff when i bought it for $100 but god drat I would pay $1000 if I knew how awesome wearing babies was. Best purchase ever.
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Nov 18, 2013 15:20
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I've been using a Mei Tei wrap thingie for carrying her, she'll tolerate it but isn't hugely fond I don't think but it's worth a try. There's a more structured carrier kicking about the house somewhere which might work better.
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Nov 18, 2013 17:02
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Volmarias posted:When your child wants to stand on your feet and walk with you, does anyone else pretend that they're playing "Power Loader Ripley"? Yes, absolutely. In fact, I seek out this interaction more than my child does.
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Nov 18, 2013 21:56
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hookerbot 5000 posted:How do people deal with having 2 kids under the age of 3? At the moment doing anything social is hell, I take Connor to a couple of parent and toddler things and if he starts acting up I feel like there's nothing I can do because Ellie is so clingy if I put her down in the pram to try and stop Connor from running around/screaming/yelling at other kids when she immediately starts screaming too so there's two screaming children and parents look at me like I am a horrible mum. Is this normal, maybe I am a horrible mum. I feel bad for Connor because he's just little and I don't think his 'bad' behaviour is anything unusual but it feels like I can't deal with it properly because of the other screaming banshee. I don't want to stop taking him places but I can't leave the baby with anyone and I'm starting to dread going to classes because I know it's going to end up with lots of screaming and me feeling useless. Yeah, we have a 2 year old and a 4 month old and generally don't attempt anything too ambitious without both of is around. When my wife is flying solo the baby Bjorn is a lifesaver, but she doesn't try social events because the kids will demand all her focus and more.
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Nov 19, 2013 03:52
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I have a 3-year old and a 10-month old and we've been social with both kids from the beginning. I highly recommend babywearing, we used a sling, but I just took the kids out all the time to all kinds of different places to get them used to the world and the presence of each other. If you are worried about your kids' behaviors and how much it affects others, go to a very public place like a park or zoo. A screaming child there doesn't stand out so much. And I honestly believe practice makes perfect, when kids get used to being out in the world and learning how they and their siblings fit in it should get easier and easier.
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Nov 19, 2013 07:43
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Crazy babywearing lady hat on - Baby bjorns aren't very ergonomic. There isn't anything actually proving that the way baby sits in them is bad for the baby's legs/hips, but it certainly doesn't look very comfortable for baby. Beyond that, when baby is in a more seated position it is more comfortable for the wearer. I'd recommend going with a beco or an ergo vs bjorn for an easily available buckle carrier. The price point is similar. The infantino union also looks decent and is significantly cheaper than ergo/beco. The most versatile thing you can get is a woven wrap but wraps have a learning curve and are not for everybody. Even though I love wraps, I tend to go for the buckle carriers if I'm doing errands. Hookerbot try putting baby in the mei tai HIGH on your back so she can see over your shoulder!
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Nov 19, 2013 20:56
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I wish I'd known before getting into babywearing that you can easily get nice things used for way cheaper on Facebook babywearing swapping groups. It's fairly easy to find a Maya ring sling for $30 or #35 and an Ergo or Beco for $50-60. I love my Ergo and Beco Butterfly 2--they feel like fluffy clouds, even with my 21-month toddler  Even my ring sling is comfortable with him for as long as he feels like being in it!
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Nov 19, 2013 21:26
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Nthing wearing the baby. I'm a man with no hips, so a moby wrap didn't work very well for me, but I couldn't survive without my ergo. For longer periods I have a hiking backpack that the kid can sit in a sling within the frame and not slap against my back.
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Nov 19, 2013 21:35
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Ben Davis posted:I wish I'd known before getting into babywearing that you can easily get nice things used for way cheaper on Facebook babywearing swapping groups. It's fairly easy to find a Maya ring sling for $30 or #35 and an Ergo or Beco for $50-60. I love my Ergo and Beco Butterfly 2--they feel like fluffy clouds, even with my 21-month toddler What are good goon-approved Facebook groups for this? We'll be trading up from the Moby soon and I'd much rather go the used route for a different carrier.
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Nov 19, 2013 22:38
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There's always risk in any online second-hand transaction (ebay is notorious for selling unsafe fakes), but The Babywearing Swap group on facebook is nice because they have a separate group you have to join for people to post feedback about you. If you feel nervous, you can look for people who've already had positive transactions. They also have a separate "Budget Carriers" section. edit: If you don't know for sure what you want, I'd see if there's a babywearing group in your area where you can try on other people's carriers.
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Nov 20, 2013 00:29
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The babywearing swap page also has off shoots for your area (I'm in a north California one), they should also know of meet ups, if not do ones of their own. I have an ergo, and while it work, I tried out a Tula and am in head over heels love with it. The canvas ones are around the same price as ergos (maybe a bit more), but they hold their value so much you can turn around and sell it for the same amount you bought it for. Plus, places do layaway with paypal, which I find awesome. Stay away from wrap conversion (or WCs) Tulas - they're awesome, but are more than $300+ per carrier - unless you want to spend that much on a carrier. If so, more power to you. My fatmans 22-23 lbs at 9 months, so I tend to feel him greatly when I ergo him, unlike the Tula.
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Nov 20, 2013 01:27
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Anyone have experience with an undescended testicle? Boo's left testicle never descended; at each ped appointment our Pediatrician suggested waiting to see if it would come down (he said it happens, but rarely). But Boo turned 4 months and at his appointment Monday the Pediatrician said we'd have to start thinking about surgery. He said it's not urgent (and that in the past doctors would wait until toddlerhood to perform the surgery). I'm going to try to get in to see a Pediatric Surgeon/Urologist after Christmas, but I was wondering if I should try to get an initial appointment sooner? The complication is that I'll be getting a new job somewhere around February/March so depending on the recovery time I might want to wait until after I move.
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Nov 20, 2013 02:19
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/\/\ My nephew had an undescended testicle. His ped wanted to wait until he was past one for the surgery, because it was not urgent, and there's less general surgical risk if they're older. He had it done around 18 months old. It was a relatively quick thing. He was pretty much over it by the next day (his "boo-boo" hurt, but was "all better" the next day). He's 6 now. If there's nothing indicating it's urgent to address immediately, I can't see the harm until waiting until after the holidays to get a consult (although you may want to call to get an appointment now; specialists can fill up weeks in advance.) Then see what the specialist says as far as a timeframe for you. I'm sorry you're little guy has to have surgery though--even routine things are scary when it's your baby.
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Nov 20, 2013 02:51
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If it's at all possible (i.e., not life-threatening) to delay surgery until your baby is older, I would do it. Anesthesia is serious in kids that small and you should only have surgery if there's a dangerous condition that would outweigh the risks of anesthesia. Especially general anesthesia: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/news/20120820/anesthesia-may-harm-childrens-brains
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Nov 20, 2013 03:09
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hepscat posted:If it's at all possible (i.e., not life-threatening) to delay surgery until your baby is older, I would do it. Anesthesia is serious in kids that small and you should only have surgery if there's a dangerous condition that would outweigh the risks of anesthesia. Especially general anesthesia: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/news/20120820/anesthesia-may-harm-childrens-brains We read the actual study that's behind that article (and consulted with several pediatric anesthesiologists that we had access to via my brother-in-law) and the unanimous opinion is that the results of the study are pretty overblown and that the results were correlational at best. They never addressed the sociocultural impact of being a "sick kid" on their dependent variables and there are certainly correlations between increased TV watching (common with an ill child) and language development (among many other things, that's just an example). I do think that anesthesia should be used with caution, but I don't think restricting it to only "dangerous" conditions is a good plan either. Like anything else, it's a cost-benefit analysis and you have to make the choice for your child and your family whether potential undiscovered risks of anesthesia are worth fixing whatever the problem is, dangerous or not.
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Nov 20, 2013 03:15
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The thing that makes me give it a second look is that the children in their study had relatively minor surgeries such as dental fixes, not that they were severely ill children. For me if it's something that can wait until their brains are little more developed, I would wait.
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Nov 20, 2013 03:47
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I learned to read when I was 4 by hooked on phonics. Now I see they have "your baby can read" dvds. http://www.familylearningdepot.com/...CFUkV7AoddwgAuw Any thoughts on them? EDIT: never mind I googled it myself. I guess it teaches them to memorize things but it's not really reading. http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/your-baby-can-read-has-gone-out-of-business/ Hdip fucked around with this message at 07:25 on Nov 21, 2013 |
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Nov 21, 2013 07:22
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My five month old loves books. He thinks they're delicious. But seriously it's never too early to read to them. I was shocked how much attention I could get from pages when he was even just two months old.
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Nov 21, 2013 16:58
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greatn posted:My five month old loves books. He thinks they're delicious. My 15 month old will bring me books, which we have been trying to read to here since the start. I will start reading to her and get about a page in before she decides that the book would make a better bludgeoning instrument and runs off with it again. She will not sit still for any amount of time, and hasn't wanted to since she figured out climbing, crawling and walking, in that order. :/
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Nov 21, 2013 17:05
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My 18 month old likes us to read to her, though it can be touch to get her to pay attention sometimes, especially at bedtime. She'll hand us a book, sit on our lap, get as far as us opening the cover then jump up to grab another. At other times, though, she'll grab a book, pull herself up onto our laps, open it, and then just flip through the pages. Sometimes the book is upside down, but that's ok Anyway, I think the first sign that a "How to teach your child to read" instruction is bogus is that it comes as a DVD, not a book 
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Nov 21, 2013 17:08
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Volmarias posted:Anyway, I think the first sign that a "How to teach your child to read" instruction is bogus is that it comes as a DVD, not a book This is the main thing. My relatives shower us with so much garbage Fisher-Price *bells* *lights* *music* "learning" toys and every single one makes me die a little inside. It is basically universally accepted that the best way to learn things, regardless of age, is to have a real person teach you. If you want your baby to learn something, then taking the time to teach them is going to be a million times more effective than giving them a toy that sings some "learning" song when they push a button.
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Nov 21, 2013 17:14
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Oh yeah littledip loves books. Here's a video from when he was 7 or so months and I was reading him a "hello" highlights. I just like the idea of a baby who knows how to actually read  http://youtu.be/jG8hfSG8APM
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Nov 21, 2013 18:45
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If you haven't already, check out the Indestructibles books. They can take an insane amount of abuse. Some of our board books have war stories. Plus, there aren't any words to them so you can avoid some rhymes being stuck in your head. Right now we've been doing a lot of animal sounds and she's trying to do them too (and succeeding in some cases). :3
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Nov 21, 2013 18:56
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I credit touch and feel books for really getting my son into books. I just left them where he could get to them any time and he got pretty adept and turning pages. And we consistently read to him every night. If he got super antsy we'd just give him another book to manhandle while he was being read to. Now he doesn't want Daddy to stop reading to him at night.
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Nov 21, 2013 19:03
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ghost story posted:If you haven't already, check out the Indestructibles books. They can take an insane amount of abuse. Some of our board books have war stories. Plus, there aren't any words to them so you can avoid some rhymes being stuck in your head. We taught our then 9-month-old to howl along with his Doggies book (by Sandra Boynton, great book by the way), and now he is firmly convinced that his cow toy is a dog.
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Nov 21, 2013 19:08
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