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SpiderHyphenMan posted:Kidnapped Teen Freed, Though Freedom Is Its Own Kind Of Prison, Is It Not? This was already well on its way to being a new all-time favorite for me, and then I scrolled down to find the "Works Cited" section. Dead.
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Nov 6, 2013 06:00
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ultrafilter posted:Area Woman Encouraged By Sight Of Other Woman Drinking Beer Alone At Airport Bar I know you can say this about most articles, but holy gently caress that final line 
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Nov 6, 2013 06:25
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LizzieBorden posted:27-Year-Old Lies About Every Single Aspect Of His Life To Keep Parents From Worrying Cripes, they even got the age right. It doesn't matter if you're doing a lot better than that financially though, emotionally being away from home and your family wears on you. And that drat last line. 
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Nov 6, 2013 06:38
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ultrafilter posted:Area Woman Encouraged By Sight Of Other Woman Drinking Beer Alone At Airport Bar Oh wow, didn't see that coming. That's depressing as poo poo.
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Nov 6, 2013 09:12
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 6 Startling Before And After Photos Of Meth Users
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Nov 6, 2013 22:27
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We can post AV club here too, right? I didn't think much of the headline, but this article has one of my favorite last lines. Ben Affleck's Batman will be "tired and weary," says Warner Bros. exec who's really sellin' it
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Nov 7, 2013 03:22
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Zophar posted:This was already well on its way to being a new all-time favorite for me, and then I scrolled down to find the "Works Cited" section. Dead. But... but... the citation is "Clark and Dudrick", but the Works Cited lists only the editors of the volume that Clark and Dudrick's paper "Nietzsche on the Will: An Analysis of BGE 19" appeared in! (Weirdly, while looking up that paper, I also found a mugshot of Clark.)
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Nov 7, 2013 05:45
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Olaf The Stout posted:We can post AV club here too, right? I didn't think much of the headline, but this article has one of my favorite last lines. I hope so, because Blockbuster Video closing all the stores it still apparently had is one of the funniest newswire stories they've had.
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Nov 7, 2013 20:44
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Hillary Clinton Quietly Asks Bill If He Still Finds Her Electable All the time I've spent learning political terminology has been for this moment.
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Nov 8, 2013 03:58
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This makes me sad, like all the other "dying parents" articles . Nation Secretly Hoping Dads Die First
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Nov 8, 2013 18:06
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Here are some good ones: Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man Family Braces As Autistic Son Discovers Amtrak’s ‘Track A Train’ Webpage Thomas The Tank Engine A Little Uneasy With His Broad Autistic Following
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Nov 8, 2013 21:46
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The Gasmask posted:This makes me sad, like all the other "dying parents" articles ... I'm gonna go call my dad now and pretend that this article didn't super hit home with me...
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Nov 8, 2013 23:10
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One of my favourites ever. Basketball Rolls To Stop At Cheney's Foot
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Nov 8, 2013 23:14
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Diamond Joe's in trouble again
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Nov 11, 2013 21:59
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This one is good but holy poo poo the accompanying picture is incredible: Local Teen Walks In On Family Masturbating
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Nov 12, 2013 00:09
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ESPN Searching For A Few Loud-Mouthed Fucks For New Afternoon Program
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Nov 12, 2013 03:51
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Woman Always Dreamed Of Opening Her Own Sparsely Attended Dance Studio.
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Nov 12, 2013 12:30
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Man Smoking E-Cigarette Must Be Futuristic Bounty Hunterquote:“Judging by his cool, calm demeanor and the fact that he was inhaling what looked like e-fumes from some kind of shiny black mecha-cigarette, I’m just going to assume this guy has journeyed here from hundreds of years in the future to apprehend a dangerous digi-convict of some kind,” said data management analyst Paul Rankin, adding that the man’s skeletal system was almost certainly reinforced by an indestructible alloy as yet unknown to today’s engineers. “Imagine his knowledge of future events. He could probably share information about so many astounding secrets if we dared ask.”
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Nov 12, 2013 21:58
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Folks, we usually don't do this on the White House tour, but let's go tickle the President. Made me giggle like an idiot.
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Nov 13, 2013 03:01
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Another surreal report! Report: Some People Live In Pennsylvania Last line as usual...
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Nov 13, 2013 03:39
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clockworx posted:Another surreal report!
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Nov 13, 2013 04:13
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I was reminded earlier today by a friend that the Paul Ryan articles were some of the best they ever did: Paul Ryan Knocked Over By Pack of Rambunctious Romney Boys Paul Ryan's Unsettling Budget Plan Reveals He Cuts His Own Hair Paul Ryan posted:If your dog gets hurt, you can drop it off at the pound and they'll fix it, and you can adopt it again. Paul Ryan Spending Final Day Of Campaign Reminding Homeless People They Did This To Themselves And this gem, which is just text: Paul Ryan Shares Long, Intimate Kiss With Mother Also, in case you hadn't heard, The Onion's December 12th issue will be the last print edition.
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Nov 13, 2013 20:45
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Robert Denby posted:Also, in case you hadn't heard, The Onion's December 12th issue will be the last print edition. Clever clever, whoever handles the URL names for chicagobusiness: http://www.chicagobusiness.com/article/20131108/NEWS06/131109836/area-men-agree-print-is-dead
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Nov 13, 2013 21:22
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Cowardly Refugee Running Away From Problems
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Nov 14, 2013 00:19
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 Breaking: Intruders Detected In Zone 17
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Nov 14, 2013 02:33
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I like the "just narrating a scene from action movie" articles. The Man We Know Only As The Homunculus Has Defected To Us Fast-Talking Computer Hacker Just Has To Break Through Encryption Shield Before Uploading Nano-Virus And of course, the articles by the vile arch-nemesis of Crash Comet, Space Commander from the Year 2000, Gorzo the Mighty, Emperor of the Universe. Any other good ones like that?
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Nov 14, 2013 05:24
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Fugitive Doctor Accuses Devlin MacGregor Of Fraud Protagonist Scrolls Intensely Through Microfilm Fox Books Files For Bankruptcy (well slightly different) Echo Chamber has a new favorite as of 05:33 on Nov 14, 2013 |
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Nov 14, 2013 05:31
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Dr Christmas posted:I like the "just narrating a scene from action movie" articles. Allow Me To Introduce You To The Other Members Of Alpha Bravo Team We Have Confirmation That Someone Has Tested A Thanatos Device Somewhat related: Kickboxer, Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, To Continue In A Moment
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Nov 14, 2013 05:34
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 Jesus Christ
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Nov 16, 2013 00:41
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RECORD 75 MILLION AMERICANS NOW PRETENDING THEY OWN THEIR OWN HOMES Low Interest Rates Help Many Fulfill The American (Banker's) Dream I thought this was an Onion article, but it's not. Still worth posting.
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Nov 18, 2013 04:20
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Report: 92% Of Divorced Parents Get Back Together If Children Ask Enough Times They really nailed the last sentence in this one. Amazing.
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Nov 19, 2013 01:51
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Lord of Boners posted:Report: 92% Of Divorced Parents Get Back Together If Children Ask Enough Times On a similar note: Siblings Patiently Waiting For Day They'll Be Close To Each Other
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Nov 19, 2013 01:59
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Wal-Mart Asks Workers To Donate Food To Its Needy Employees Oh, wait.
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Nov 19, 2013 02:42
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That's amazing. "A company spokesman defended the food drive, telling the Plain Dealer that it is evidence that employees care about each other." The amount of mental gymnastics required for that sentence to come out without any irony is incredible.
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Nov 19, 2013 02:51
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All on Black posted:That's amazing. "A company spokesman defended the food drive, telling the Plain Dealer that it is evidence that employees care about each other." The amount of mental gymnastics required for that sentence to come out without any irony is incredible.
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Nov 19, 2013 04:50
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They have a word cloud of the Most Used Words In The Gettysburg Address "I call this one the Gettysburg Address" "Native Americans on the other hand" "6.2 liter V-8" "Jesus, it means '87 years ago'." The also had one for Most Used Words In The ‘I Have A Dream’ Speech. "Un-loving-believable"
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Nov 20, 2013 05:43
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Malachi Constant posted:They have a word cloud of the Most Used Words In The Gettysburg Address "What? Oh, 'score' means 20" Yeah, so "four times 20 plus seven" Jesus it means "87 years ago"
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Nov 20, 2013 06:15
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Malachi Constant posted:The also had one for Most Used Words In The ‘I Have A Dream’ Speech. Racial Harmony is like pie. I like pie. My eventual assassination. Mistress. Taekwando.
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Nov 20, 2013 08:36
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Study: American Intestinal Bacteria Most Obese In World
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Nov 20, 2013 08:40
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Golden Bee posted:Racial Harmony is like pie. I'd actually say I love pie.
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Nov 20, 2013 08:44
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