RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

Paladine_PSoT posted:

I can only imagine it went like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ds0wYpc1eM

Was it a dream where you are standing in sorta sun god robes and a pyramid and thousands of naked women are throwing pickles at you?

# ? Nov 19, 2013 01:02

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# ? May 16, 2024 19:36

AlexDeGruven: Jun 29, 2007; Watch me pull my dongle out of this tiny box

Agrikk posted:

Was it a dream where you are standing in sorta sun god robes and a pyramid and thousands of naked women are throwing pickles at you?

Little ones.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 01:04

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

AlexDeGruven posted:

Little ones.

At least I'm not the only one who has that dream.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 01:05

stubblyhead: Sep 13, 2007; That is treason, Johnny!; Fun Shoe

elcapjtk posted:

As an IT pro, I never thought I'd spend a day fixing various lasers.

I spent today fixing various lasers. It was everything I hoped for and more.

Did you finally defeat Cobra? I honestly could never figure out why everyone on that cartoon was such a lousy shot when every single round was a tracer.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 01:44

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

stubblyhead posted:

Did you finally defeat Cobra? I honestly could never figure out why everyone on that cartoon was such a lousy shot when every single round was a tracer.

It's like the A-Team: My air-powered cabbage cannon with blast your car into cartwheeling and somersaulting over some kind of thing, and I will open up on you with my chrome AK, but the occupants of the vehicle will crawl away intact and all of my bullets will kick up dirt at your feet, forcing you to surrender.

80's TV was rad, somehow.

/derail

# ? Nov 19, 2013 01:47

Dr. Arbitrary: Mar 15, 2006; Bleak Gremlin

peak debt posted:

Maybe you already know this but with the CLASSPATH environment variable you can install multiple Java runtimes on one computer and run each application on exactly the edition it requires without compromising system security (too much).

I didn't know that! Is there a good guide on how to implement that?

# ? Nov 19, 2013 01:50

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

An alert came in...

<server name> has alerts!

Well that's informative, let's see what the monitoring software that triggers the alert software says(we have multiple layers of monitoring for our Unix environment, since our main monitoring tool is a Microsoft product). Filesystem capacity maxed out? Let's check which filesystem triggered it. :cripes:

/mnt/cdrom

Why the gently caress would you monitor a DVD mount for capacity issues?

And to make it better, the server was in Japan, and some fucknut kept ejecting the disc and reinserting it so the alarm came back every time I cleared out as pointless.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 04:31

SamDabbers: May 26, 2003

My coworker and I just finished migrating file and VPN services to a new server we built for a client, and a couple emails came in:

General Manager posted:

Hi <coworker>,
I just checked vpn and all seems to be working.

I cannot thank you enough for all the work you and SamDabbers did to make this a smooth transition. You seem to strike the perfect balance between letting me know what's going on but not overwhelming me with extraneous details. I am 100% confident that all will be well. You managed my expectations so that I didn't expect "perfection" but I was confident that all would be appropriately handled.

All of that to say, I appreciate you, your company and the way you do business. I consider myself very fortunate to have you as a partner.

Thank you. Really, truly my deepest gratitude,

<General Manager>

President posted:

And <coworker>, can I just second that?! If <General Manager>'s happy, I'm REALLY happy.

And I just got back to my desk, followed all instructions and � miracle of miracles � it all worked exactly as expected with no hitches.

Thank you thank you!

<President>

Something's wrong here. This can't be right. :ohdear:

# ? Nov 19, 2013 05:22

citywok: Sep 8, 2003; Born To Surf

SamDabbers posted:

My coworker and I just finished migrating file and VPN services to a new server we built for a client, and a couple emails came in:

Something's wrong here. This can't be right.

Did you take over for their old, incompetent consultants?

Good job

# ? Nov 19, 2013 05:34

Inspector_666: Oct 7, 2003; _{benny with the good hair}

SamDabbers posted:

My coworker and I just finished migrating file and VPN services to a new server we built for a client, and a couple emails came in:

Something's wrong here. This can't be right.

Every now and then I go back to finish off an invoice or close a case and see a note from an account manager or our phone-answering-person with a note from a customer saying everything is awesome and it makes me feel so :3:

# ? Nov 19, 2013 05:36

SamDabbers: May 26, 2003

citywok posted:

Did you take over for their old, incompetent consultants?

Good job

Yes we did, and thanks

I'm just surprised that a) an executive actually followed all instructions, and b) they actually bothered to tell us that they're pleased.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 05:41

tjl: Aug 6, 2005

code:

'rocobopy' is not recognized as an internal or external command,
operable program or batch file.

Aaand this would be my cue to quit what I'm doing tonight... before things get ugly.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 07:13

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

We're in the middle of our Windows 7 deployment, and one guy returned his old XP laptop with a thank you note and a box of Sees candy. It was kinda creepy.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 08:12

citywok: Sep 8, 2003; Born To Surf

SamDabbers posted:

Yes we did, and thanks

I'm just surprised that a) an executive actually followed all instructions, and b) they actually bothered to tell us that they're pleased.

Haha, not all customers are horrible. Just most :p

Also, remember the distaste you have for the previous guy. Next time you think about a ghetto solution, just imagine what future-guy will be thinking about you, and be nice to future-yourself. If every developer coded for future-dev rather than themselves my life would be much, much easier :p

# ? Nov 19, 2013 08:31

SyNack Sassimov: May 4, 2006; Let the robot win.
��--Captain James T. Vader

Crowley posted:

Right on the head!

Dear Crowley, you quoted the wrong part of Caged's post. Here, let me help you.

Caged posted:

situations where you just want to hit people

I believe that was what you meant to respond to....

# ? Nov 19, 2013 08:44

Crowley: Mar 13, 2003

Potato Alley posted:

I believe that was what you meant to respond to....

meh. That involves HR and all sorts of "explanations". The best thing my old boss did was take me to the gym and get me to join the boxing club. Boxing is a great stress reliever. Boxing against your boss is even better.

Rhymenoserous posted:

The next person that asks me about cloud backup solutions is getting punched in the dick.

That's every consultant ever. As soon as you mention backup they go "We can do that cheap in THE CLOUD!", and back right down again when you tell them you have around 300 TB you need backed up, and it's increasing by at least 100 TB per year.

The required bandwith alone breaks the TCO.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 12:14

Volmarias: Dec 31, 2002; EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

SamDabbers posted:

My coworker and I just finished migrating file and VPN services to a new server we built for a client, and a couple emails came in:

Something's wrong here. This can't be right.

That's right. You did an amazing job, but your manager gets the raise.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 14:24

peak debt: Mar 11, 2001; b& :(; Nap Ghost

Dr. Arbitrary posted:

I didn't know that! Is there a good guide on how to implement that?

You install the JRE you need to get that application to run on some throwaway VM. Then you zip up the contents of c:\program files\java and unzip it on your real work PC under c:\crappyjavaversion so that there is a bin and a lib subdirectory directly under that.

Then, make a batch file that starts your Java app, like:

code:

set JAVA_HOME=c:\crappyjavaversion
set PATH=%JAVA_HOME%\bin;%PATH%
javaw.exe thatsuckyjavaapp.jar

As long as you do not set those environment variables anywhere else, they will stay scoped to only the batch file and the child processes it runs. All outside processes will keep using the updated Java in your program files directory, and only the jar started in the batch file will use the old Java.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 15:01

coyo7e: Aug 23, 2007; by zen death robot

stubblyhead posted:

Did you finally defeat Cobra? I honestly could never figure out why everyone on that cartoon was such a lousy shot when every single round was a tracer.

they were special, slow-moving lasers. No, really.

The only (notably the lamest) characters who ever died actually elected to "stay behind in the alternate dimension". Nobody in that show could hit a goddamned thing.

Knormal posted:

We're in the middle of our Windows 7 deployment, and one guy returned his old XP laptop with a thank you note and a box of Sees candy. It was kinda creepy.

That's really sweet. It makes me :glomp:

when a user thanks me for helping them use a machine that I set up for them and am now moving them upward from.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 15:22

Loose Ifer: Feb 1, 2002; It's Swelling!; Grimey Drawer

So the power went out...

And the UPS' didn't fail over to battery power for the generator, uh ohhh.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 16:43

Glans Dillzig: Nov 23, 2011; knickerbocker expert

Loose Ifer posted:

So the power went out...

And the UPS' didn't fail over to battery power for the generator, uh ohhh.

We have a UPS in our server room that's been sitting in there for about 2 years.

We recently discovered it wasn't plugged in.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 16:51

Loose Ifer: Feb 1, 2002; It's Swelling!; Grimey Drawer

Glans Dillzig posted:

We have a UPS in our server room that's been sitting in there for about 2 years.

We recently discovered it wasn't plugged in.

Oddly enough that was also our problem. Looks like when they did some cable cleanup, not all of the cables made it back in.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 17:23

Loose Ifer: Feb 1, 2002; It's Swelling!; Grimey Drawer

And now about 5% of desktops are freezing when the users log in. Nothing in the event logs. Trying to set up the network capture, but by the time i set them up, the PCs are working. Boss says figure out, per usual. Guess I'll just keep working the ticket queue....

# ? Nov 19, 2013 20:14

Vin BioEthanol: Jan 18, 2002; by Ralp

Anyone ever had a tpm module fail? I setup a new laptop with bitlocker full disk a couple weeks ago for a guy, today it won't boot, wants the key. when you enter the key and boot up windows, windows is bitching about a tpm module could not be found.

Going into bios there's no "security chip" option at all like the other laptops have. Update bios, same thing.

I read something about tpms maybe going into a lockout mode if they think they're being attacked and will unlock after 20 hours or something but surely that wouldn't make the option disappear in bios?

Lenovo's sending a guy to replace the board tomorrow and they usually are pretty sure of themselves before paying a guy to install a $$ board next day.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 21:26

Paladine_PSoT: Jan 2, 2010; If you have a problem Yo, I'll solve it

Vin BioEthanol posted:

Anyone ever had a tpm module fail? I setup a new laptop with bitlocker full disk a couple weeks ago for a guy, today it won't boot, wants the key. when you enter the key and boot up windows, windows is bitching about a tpm module could not be found.

Going into bios there's no "security chip" option at all like the other laptops have. Update bios, same thing.

I read something about tpms maybe going into a lockout mode if they think they're being attacked and will unlock after 20 hours or something but surely that wouldn't make the option disappear in bios?

Lenovo's sending a guy to replace the board tomorrow and they usually are pretty sure of themselves before paying a guy to install a $$ board next day.

Interesting. I suppose anything's possible to fail. You can boot with the key and decrypt the drive?

# ? Nov 19, 2013 21:39

Vin BioEthanol: Jan 18, 2002; by Ralp

Paladine_PSoT posted:

Interesting. I suppose anything's possible to fail. You can boot with the key and decrypt the drive?

Yep, well not decrypt but I have it suspended and everything's working fine.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 21:53

Sirotan: Oct 17, 2006; Sirotan is a seal.

Sirotan posted:

On the subject of autocomplete, a voicemail came in from someone with the same name as one of our employees. Some months back our employee was a moron and gave out her own personal email address wrong to a bunch of people. Then those people started emailing work email to that address, and the recipient emailed them back and told them to stop. Eventually it got back to me and I just blocked that address as a recipient altogether in our firewall, and instructed our employees how to remove her from their contacts AND the Outlook autocomplete.

Until today when this person actually called in to complain that she is still receiving email from us. I see a dozen emails from our (obviously incapable of following through) employees but they've all been blocked. Somehow she is still getting email from us. But I have no idea how?

I was thinking of just deleting the .nk2 file remotely from these people's computers and letting them suffer the consequences but I can't do it if they have Outlook running...

As a follow up to this, because I always forget and figure it might remind someone else too, I had blocked firstname.lastname@gmail.com in our firewall, but forgot that while Gmail treats it the same as firstnamelastname@gmail.com, our firewall does not.

:ms:

# ? Nov 19, 2013 21:53

Vin BioEthanol: Jan 18, 2002; by Ralp

Sirotan posted:

I was thinking of just deleting the .nk2 file remotely from these people's computers and letting them suffer the consequences but I can't do it if they have Outlook running...

Drop a batch file into their startup folder that kills the nk2 then itself.

Edit: never mind, I see this is old and no nk2 files around anymore. Still batch files in startup that kill things then themsleves are p-cool.

Vin BioEthanol fucked around with this message at 21:58 on Nov 19, 2013

# ? Nov 19, 2013 21:56

blackswordca: Apr 25, 2010; Just 'cause you pour syrup on something doesn't make it pancakes!

So I have been trying to get a hold of the account lead to follow up with him on the possible hardware failure on the backup server and the issues with the internet upgrade here but I haven't been able to get a hold of him. I talk to one of the other guys in the office and it turns out he left for Cuba this morning. He will be back in December.

That is... fantastic.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 22:22

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

I've seen a few TPM modules fail (T410). But that's like... 5 modules out of thousands of laptops.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 22:26

Trastion: Jul 24, 2003; The one and only.

blackswordca posted:

So I have been trying to get a hold of the account lead to follow up with him on the possible hardware failure on the backup server and the issues with the internet upgrade here but I haven't been able to get a hold of him. I talk to one of the other guys in the office and it turns out he left for Cuba this morning. He will be back in December.

That is... fantastic.

Ticket Update: Waiting on reply from account lead.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 22:39

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

Loose Ifer posted:

And now about 5% of desktops are freezing when the users log in. Nothing in the event logs. Trying to set up the network capture, but by the time i set them up, the PCs are working. Boss says figure out, per usual. Guess I'll just keep working the ticket queue....

To what kind of switch are they connected? I've had switches in a stack behave really wonky with random temporary slowdowns within a single switch and in connections going cross-stack. Turns out re-flashing the firmware for every switch in the stack via the stack manager with the same exact firmware cleared up the issue in our case.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 22:40

RadicalR: Jan 20, 2008; "Businessmen are the symbol of a free society
---
the symbol of America."

Vin BioEthanol posted:

Anyone ever had a tpm module fail? I setup a new laptop with bitlocker full disk a couple weeks ago for a guy, today it won't boot, wants the key. when you enter the key and boot up windows, windows is bitching about a tpm module could not be found.

Going into bios there's no "security chip" option at all like the other laptops have. Update bios, same thing.

I read something about tpms maybe going into a lockout mode if they think they're being attacked and will unlock after 20 hours or something but surely that wouldn't make the option disappear in bios?

Lenovo's sending a guy to replace the board tomorrow and they usually are pretty sure of themselves before paying a guy to install a $$ board next day.

Hoo boy, we run T420s here and something is up with the TPM chips here. I get a laptop that will work fine until one day, it decides to lock out. I actually witnessed this. The person took out the laptop and typed the code in correctly and the TPM locked out.

Clearing out the security chip only fixes the problem temporary. I usually have to call Lenovo with a new system board.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 22:57

Vin BioEthanol: Jan 18, 2002; by Ralp

Jeoh posted:

I've seen a few TPM modules fail (T410). But that's like... 5 modules out of thousands of laptops.

What kind of fan and dock connector failure rate you have on t410s? I only have about 50 of those, about 150 400s and 150 420s but I've probably called in close to every 410 for fan and dock connector.

400s and 420s are perfect. We just started t430s that's what my TPM fail was on.

Edit aww poo poo lenovo crew up ITT. Why do they have a lady from Wisconsin welcoming you to the call center in atlanta Georgia where it's their goal to insure you're extremely satisfied?

Edit again they could've afforded Nelly.

Vin BioEthanol fucked around with this message at 23:06 on Nov 19, 2013

# ? Nov 19, 2013 22:59

Zamboni Apocalypse: Dec 29, 2009

blackswordca posted:

So I have been trying to get a hold of the account lead to follow up with him on the possible hardware failure on the backup server and the issues with the internet upgrade here but I haven't been able to get a hold of him. I talk to one of the other guys in the office and it turns out he left for Cuba this morning. He will be back in December.

That is... fantastic.

Suuuure he'll be back in December.

/me is awaiting the discovery of empty accounts where budgets once lived. :suspense:

# ? Nov 19, 2013 23:41

blackswordca: Apr 25, 2010; Just 'cause you pour syrup on something doesn't make it pancakes!

Zamboni Apocalypse posted:

Suuuure he'll be back in December.

/me is awaiting the discovery of empty accounts where budgets once lived.

With luck I wont have to deal with it. A position I applied for closes tomorrow and I have a recommendation from one of the managers in the same department, so here is hoping.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 23:58

Alctel: Jan 16, 2004; I love snails

We also use Lenovos. Except M82s and T530s. With the occasional X230 for the special snowflake who thinks a T530 is 'too big and heavy'

# ? Nov 20, 2013 00:04

Vin BioEthanol: Jan 18, 2002; by Ralp

Alctel posted:

We also use Lenovos. Except M82s and T530s. With the occasional X230 for the special snowflake who thinks a T530 is 'too big and heavy'

Yep we have the x230 as an option for a certain level and up. Thin executive wrists. A couple t530s for special power-user snowflakes. I do like those.

(Actually something like an x230 would be pretty nice for me as my personal laptop that I use for nothing but chrome, putty and mstsc'ing into my godbox if it didn't have that poo poo resolution.)

Vin BioEthanol fucked around with this message at 00:22 on Nov 20, 2013

# ? Nov 20, 2013 00:19

drukqs: Oct 15, 2010; wank wank you're a pro vaper I'm not wooptiedoo...

Have kind of a ridiculous request from our VP of sales...

"I need an Apple product ideally, a [bluetooth speakerphone] with multiple remote mics"

"We have 12+ people sitting around an oblong table and it is awkward and difficult for them to have their voices heard from a single unit"

He says that he used a cellular device designed for this purpose and it cost over $4500 to have an hour long meeting, so he wants something that he can connect to his Macbook Pro that has multiple remote mics.

Insanity.

Anybody have any suggestions?

<edit> Polycom sales chat was quite competent and responsive.. SoundStation EX2, 2 pack of remote mics and their "mobile device conference cable" something to that effect.

I'm just glad I'm not going to be the one lugging all this junk around the world with me...

drukqs fucked around with this message at 01:40 on Nov 20, 2013

# ? Nov 20, 2013 00:52

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# ? May 16, 2024 19:36

Dr. Arbitrary: Mar 15, 2006; Bleak Gremlin

I try to be sympathetic when ridiculous requests come in, it's pretty difficult for someone who's not very technical to understand what is and isn't reasonable.
Communicate with a room full of people 2000 miles away as if they're in the same room: Reasonable
Sort through 20 Million Records to find the specific customer we're looking for: Reasonable
Multiple remote microphones for a speakerphone: That might be tricky

# ? Nov 20, 2013 01:56

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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