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razz posted:We had around 40 people tell us they were coming and didn't show up. No word from them or anything about why they didn't come, they just weren't there. It kinda pissed me off because we had so much extra food but our wedding was pretty casual (and that is an understatement) so we all just ate the rest of it later that evening and sent a bunch home with people. I'm hoping that since 75% of our guest list has to travel a significant distance and has to arrange transportation well in advance (and if they're flying, spend money) that if they say they're coming, they'll come. Anyone who doesn't actually want to come can use travel as an excuse to decline the invite and I will be totally unoffended. I have heard rumors flying around that some people are planning on skipping the ceremony and only showing up for the reception because it's a Catholic ceremony and therefore longer than 15 minutes (the horror!) which royally pisses me off. We're not even doing the full mass so it's going to be 30-45 minutes tops. That says to me they only want free food and alcohol and couldn't give a poo poo about the reason there's free food and booze. Is there any tactful way I can let people know that if they don't come to the ceremony without a legitimate good reason they shouldn't bother showing up to the reception either?
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Dec 5, 2013 04:56
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:I'm hoping that since 75% of our guest list has to travel a significant distance and has to arrange transportation well in advance (and if they're flying, spend money) that if they say they're coming, they'll come. Anyone who doesn't actually want to come can use travel as an excuse to decline the invite and I will be totally unoffended. I wouldn't be super upset about people skipping the ceremony. Maybe they feel uncomfortable with all the Catholic stuff or keeping kids quiet during a long ceremony (30-45 minutes is long) but still want to celebrate your wedding with you at the reception. You should really be pissed if they show up without a gift. That said, I bet if you mentioned it in a less angry way to some key people word would get around. Something along the lines of how sad you are people aren't planning on attending the ceremony because you want to share it with them. Anything else is going to make you sound petty.
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Dec 5, 2013 06:14
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:I have heard rumors flying around that some people are planning on skipping the ceremony and only showing up for the reception because it's a Catholic ceremony and therefore longer than 15 minutes (the horror!) which royally pisses me off. We're not even doing the full mass so it's going to be 30-45 minutes tops. That says to me they only want free food and alcohol and couldn't give a poo poo about the reason there's free food and booze. Is there any tactful way I can let people know that if they don't come to the ceremony without a legitimate good reason they shouldn't bother showing up to the reception either? I'm assuming these people are either not Catholic or are not actively practicing Catholics? You can try explaining that the purpose of a Catholic marriage ceremony is to celebrate the bond of marriage as a community. As such, you invited them to witness the ceremony because they are part of your community. I personally would've rather had people come to the ceremony than the reception because the ceremony is the important part. But I am apparently in the minority, so I have come to accept how things are.
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Dec 5, 2013 06:56
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Kids and the religious aspect is a legit reason, although religion is a real shaky one since there is no mass so there no communion or whatnot to confuse people. But this was a group of adults with no kids who just don't want to go because it'll be longer than a quickie JoP ceremony, followed by "will there be an open bar?" That's what sets me off.
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Dec 5, 2013 06:59
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:I have heard rumors flying around that some people are planning on skipping the ceremony and only showing up for the reception because it's a Catholic ceremony and therefore longer than 15 minutes (the horror!) which royally pisses me off. We're not even doing the full mass so it's going to be 30-45 minutes tops. That says to me they only want free food and alcohol and couldn't give a poo poo about the reason there's free food and booze. Is there any tactful way I can let people know that if they don't come to the ceremony without a legitimate good reason they shouldn't bother showing up to the reception either? I'd ask those people (assuming you know who they are) directly: "So, you're coming to the ceremony, too, right?" If they say yes, you can say, "That's good, because that's really important to me and [fiancé(e)]." If they say no, they'll probably either come up with a legitimate reason, and if they don't, you can tell them right away that what the heck, this is your wedding and you want them to be there and watch you get married which wss the point of you inviting them in the first place. So show up.
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Dec 5, 2013 07:39
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As someone who was raised Catholic, Catholic mass whether the full hour or 45 minute long version is awful. The priest always goes off on a weird tangent that the couple did not agree to. The especially weird is the part is where the couple has to promise to have children and raise them in the church. Plus the weird, ritualized standing and sitting at certain points for no apparent reason other than the priest telling everyone to do so. I wouldn't really begrudge anyone for not wanting to sit through it.
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Dec 5, 2013 19:44
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My favorite was the homily at a family friend's wedding. The priest pointed out that it was a mixed marriage (the bride was Protestant) but that was really good. Protestants are known for being hard workers, organized, diligent and awful in bed. Whereas Catholics are laid back, fun loving, and really great at sex. Catholics love sex in a way that puritan Protestants just can't understand so the bride is in for a real treat. SEX SEX SEX. At first there was some nervous laughter but it he kept going and everyone was   It was like that.
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Dec 5, 2013 23:23
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 Thankfully our priest is a cool old dude and I've never seen him go beyond 45 minutes for a full mass. Our ceremony is just going to be a handful of readings for like 15ish minutes then the actual wedding part. Regardless  "It's too long and boring" is a lame and childish excuse for an adult not to see their friend get married.
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Dec 6, 2013 04:18
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I'm probably in the minority that actually got pissed at people ducking out on the reception instead of the ceremony. I had a whole table of people who ditched the reception after having the balls to invite three more people after RSVPs were sent out. I would have preferred they skipped my ceremony because their plates were already paid for. At least in my eyes when I go to a wedding it's for the booze and free food, so I was devastated to see $600+ worth of dinners in the garbage. Everybody's different.
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Dec 6, 2013 04:29
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:Regardless I agree. It's some bullshit. I just wanted to share a story because it was funny. Still is for me! They made sure the priest at his sister's wedding gave a very short homily. A very short, generic homily. Weddings are fun and funny*. *Note: I will be saying that less and less as August 9th approaches. But for now, it's all fun!
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Dec 6, 2013 07:27
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Our ceremony is on Saturday. Everything that could be done has been done and now it's just time to wait. I'm oddly calm now but I'm fairly certain I won't sleep Friday night.
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Dec 18, 2013 18:15
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My fiance asked me yesterday whether or not we could consider cash gifts as part of our wedding budget, and I'm rather torn on the issue. I know that I can't necessarily count on getting cash gifts, nor have any idea how much it would actually end up being (don't count your chickens before they're hatched), but I also know from prior weddings that most of my friends and family would prefer to give cash rather than gifts. I'm hoping that before Sept 2015 we can actually save up the entire amount to cover the wedding costs, but my current job is a contract that ends in April, and fiance is currently going to school full time until 4 months prior to the wedding, so I can't really predict exactly how much we're going to be able to save. The venue that we really really love is about $5000 (including food and beverages) more than our 2nd choice which is "ok", but they'll only hold the date for us for the next 4 weeks. Would it be a terrible idea to get the place we love with the assumption that even if we can't save that much extra we might be able to recoup some of the cost in gifts?
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Dec 18, 2013 23:25
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Starting your life together potentially in debt to pay for your wedding seems like a really, really bad idea.
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Dec 19, 2013 00:18
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Esmerelda posted:Our ceremony is on Saturday. Everything that could be done has been done and now it's just time to wait. I'm oddly calm now but I'm fairly certain I won't sleep Friday night. Good luck! Ours is next Friday. It's just a little self-uniting (legal! Thanks PA!) ceremony at home but the kicker is that we are moving this Sunday and then we have Xmas and then the wedding. I picked up the last of the stuff I need today. I'm getting excited!
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Dec 19, 2013 00:28
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Plus_Infinity posted:Good luck! Ours is next Friday. It's just a little self-uniting (legal! Thanks PA!) ceremony at home but the kicker is that we are moving this Sunday and then we have Xmas and then the wedding. I picked up the last of the stuff I need today. I'm getting excited!  - followed by dinner. I'm looking forward to it but, at the same time, it's a pretty intimate set of vows we've created and I'm sort of nervous about saying some of that stuff in front of the whole 10 people who will be coming. That and I'm sure I'll cry and get embarrassed and while I know it's stupid to worry it's my nature to worry about stupid things. The biggest surprise out of all of this has been just how happy people get for you. I like my co-workers for the most part and I know that they like me but they've been surprisingly generous and excited for us. We got a huge gift basket yesterday with silly stuff in it (including a huge bag of MnMs!) and tomorrow they're having a potluck/party for us. It's been so very unexpected for them to care as much as they do.
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Dec 19, 2013 00:52
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razz posted:We had around 40 people tell us they were coming and didn't show up. No word from them or anything about why they didn't come, they just weren't there. It kinda pissed me off because we had so much extra food but our wedding was pretty casual (and that is an understatement) so we all just ate the rest of it later that evening and sent a bunch home with people. We had this happen as well. I had also pre-paid for my bachelorette party ($25 each X 6 women) and two of my friends flaked. I was pretty pissed off. There were no apologies or explanations, which is just so rude.
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Dec 19, 2013 01:06
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RSVP deadline is Friday, still have 45 people we have not heard a peep from. There are three large families in that 45, so if they decide to come at the last second they're really going to gently caress up my table chart  A bunch have told us that they're going to decide if they're coming or not the week of. Thanks, assholes. Not like we need a final headcount to the caterer, venue, and cake bakery a month out or anything. I can guarantee at least 20 will no-show without an apology. Why are people such dicks?Other than the RSVP issue and some stupid drama with my sister (again) things are going smoothly. Got all my month-out meetings next week to nail down final details then it's just waiting for it to happen. How long did your rehearsals take? I'm trying to schedule my rehearsal and since I've never been in a wedding before I don't know what to expect. Standard Catholic church ceremony. I scheduled the rehearsal at 4 with dinner reservations at 6 at a restaurant about 20-30 minutes away from the church. Is that good or overkill?
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Dec 19, 2013 01:46
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:RSVP deadline is Friday, still have 45 people we have not heard a peep from. There are three large families in that 45, so if they decide to come at the last second they're really going to gently caress up my table chart I heard from probably a good third of our guests in the last week before the RSVP deadline, most of that within the last 2-3 days. We did still have to hound about 10 people after the deadline though. We gave ourselves over a month of cushion since I figured it would happen. As for the rehearsal ours was pretty short, 30 minutes in total maybe. It was mostly just basic stuff, where to stand, who walks when, cues, etc. Our officiant wasn't even there, it was just our wedding planner. The wedding went off without a hitch a week and a half ago. Disney made things so easy on us, if anyone is considering it, I can't say enough good things about them. It's definitely nowhere approaching cheap, but the level of service we received every step of the way was impeccable. People also got a big kick out of the whole Disney wedding thing. It was even more interesting because the ceremony and the start of the rehearsal were very Disney oriented including having our wedding party walk out to music from one of the theme park shows, followed by the sharp introduction of my wife and I who came out to Kickstart my Heart by Motley Crue. It got a pretty big collective laughter and applause, mostly from our metalhead friends.
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Dec 19, 2013 18:35
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KasioDiscoRock posted:My fiance asked me yesterday whether or not we could consider cash gifts as part of our wedding budget, and I'm rather torn on the issue. I know that I can't necessarily count on getting cash gifts, nor have any idea how much it would actually end up being (don't count your chickens before they're hatched), but I also know from prior weddings that most of my friends and family would prefer to give cash rather than gifts. Just don't register anywhere and you'll automatically get cash from people who want to buy you stuff. We got a couple grand in cash from our wedding. Enough to pay for our honeymoon at least. "Budgeting" for things you can't afford is a pretty bad idea especially, as another poster pointed out, when you're just starting your new life together. Starting it off in debt (or struggling for a year to pay for a one day party that no one will remember in 3 weeks) is not really a great idea. I suggest searching for a venue that's within your current budget, not your idealized future budget. Alternatively, you could have a small courthouse wedding now and a bigger ceremony later when you're more stable in your jobs and whatnot. As someone who got married while in school with my husband working part-time, I'll say that the more money you're putting into the wedding, the more stressed you're going to be.
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Dec 19, 2013 19:01
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KasioDiscoRock posted:My fiance asked me yesterday whether or not we could consider cash gifts as part of our wedding budget, and I'm rather torn on the issue. I know that I can't necessarily count on getting cash gifts, nor have any idea how much it would actually end up being (don't count your chickens before they're hatched), but I also know from prior weddings that most of my friends and family would prefer to give cash rather than gifts. Do not do this. Budget with what you KNOW you'll have, not what you MIGHT have. What if people don't give you as much money as you budgeted for? What if you can't come up with the payments for the venue and they cancel your reservation? Keep in mind you need to pay them well in advance of the actual event and you won't get your checks till afterwards (for instance my venue's final payment was due over two weeks ago but the wedding isn't happening till over a month from now). Is this venue really that super awesome and amazing that you're willing to risk throwing all your money at it and living off of ramen for the month leading up to the wedding and hoping you get $5000 worth of presents? Wedding planning is stressful enough, you don't need financial stress on top of it.
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Dec 20, 2013 00:02
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And now I'm married! The ceremony was lovely. Short and sweet and I couldn't be happier with how it went. The weather cooperated, didn't feel so much as a drop of rain until we were heading for the restaurant. I'm honestly glad that it's done and we can get back to normal life together. It was great spending the time with family and the past few days with friends but I'm most happy that we're back to being our little family. A little family with rings Next up, name changing!
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Dec 22, 2013 18:47
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I just paid $200 for a rental tux to be in a friend's wedding. I'm thinking a reasonable (non-tux) ensemble can be had for my wedding where you actually get to own the thing you buy for that much or less. Any ideas where to start looking?
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Dec 23, 2013 18:21
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FogHelmut posted:I just paid $200 for a rental tux to be in a friend's wedding. I'm thinking a reasonable (non-tux) ensemble can be had for my wedding where you actually get to own the thing you buy for that much or less. Any ideas where to start looking? To find a "good" suit at the $200 range you'll be pushing it, and will need to heavily exploit sales and whatnot. I ended up getting an OK (not that good) suit, good shirt, and good tie for about $350, and that was with the suit being 50% off, and using about 30-40% off due to signing up for a store credit card and giving them my email and whatnot. You can buy a suit for $150 at Target or whatever, but it's not going to be great and the money would probably be better spent on saving up for a better suit. $200 for a rental is stupid. Save up your money and buy a great suit and good shoes that you can keep for years. However, ignore this advice if you plan on losing a lot of weight or bulking up or whatever.
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Dec 23, 2013 18:37
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FogHelmut posted:I just paid $200 for a rental tux to be in a friend's wedding. I'm thinking a reasonable (non-tux) ensemble can be had for my wedding where you actually get to own the thing you buy for that much or less. Any ideas where to start looking? For the suit, shirt and tie? You're talking bottom of the barrel anything to get a full outfit for $200 or you're finding something on a liquidation sale.
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Dec 23, 2013 18:41
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My guys and I bought seperates at jcpennys (no coats since it was an outside summer wedding) and it was like $70 and we looked fine/good. Obviously people are going to be looking at the bride and the bridesmaids way more than you so I wouldn't worry too much about what you wear.
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Dec 23, 2013 18:43
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Then why are the stupid bridesmaid dresses only like $120?
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Dec 23, 2013 19:48
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FogHelmut posted:Then why are the stupid bridesmaid dresses only like $120? because suits have linings, more seams to fit across more dimensions, more natural (usually wool) fabric is involved, are two separate pieces, etc. Renting for $200 is dumb though. There are some used tuxedo stores where you can get cheap-cheap synthetic tuxedo former rentals, I bought one for like $80 that fit ATROCIOUSLY freshman year of college, used it through school for fraternity formals. Or get a JCPenney suit for $150 and find a tailor nearby who can chop it to you for probably $80-$100 more. The alteration that makes it fit you like it should is what makes 80% of the look.
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Dec 23, 2013 19:58
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Stew Man Chew posted:because suits have linings, more seams to fit across more dimensions, more natural (usually wool) fabric is involved, are two separate pieces, etc. Yeah man, I have one of those $99 Amazon.com specials (marked down 90% you can't believe this deal!) that I got tailored, and I always get compliments on it. And I do actually own a tux that did cost a bit more, and was set up by the same tailor. But now that I'm thinking about it, maybe no jackets for the groomsmen. This is going to be a beach type wedding - not actually in the sand, but here's a photo of someone else's wedding - and we are thinking less formal. I'm interested in a 3-piece suit for myself, but for the groomsmen probably a vest at most, or even just suspenders and slacks in some sort of tan color.
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Dec 23, 2013 21:16
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I want to propose to my long term girlfriend pretty soon. I've been thinking about what to do for a ring and remembered she bought this lovely glass ring just after we got together that she absolutely loved and is now all busted up. I think it'd be pretty cool to get a copy remade with shiny stuff as an engagement ring. I think it'll probably be moissanite as she's dropped pretty big hints that she'd prefer it to diamonds which is pretty cool with me as i guess i should be able to go with platinum for the metal. Just wondering if a) this is a really retarded idea and b) rough idea how much people think it'd cost?  
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Dec 30, 2013 02:31
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Platinum will run probably $800ish for the band, the moissanites will be somewhere between $240-$2000 for the exterior stones depending on the exact sizing (it's hard to see precisely, but I ran with 3.5-4.5mm), and roughly $1000 for the center stone at roughly 8.5mm. The crafting won't be cheap due to the platinum and custom design, not sure there but I'd imagine at least another 1k. Something seems really weird to me though, I was running the marks on the leatherman there and assuming they were tenths of an inch, which is weird and it results in an absolutely massive center stone, which doesn't seem to match the scale of your pictures.
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Dec 30, 2013 03:17
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Loving Africa Chaps posted:I want to propose to my long term girlfriend pretty soon. I've been thinking about what to do for a ring and remembered she bought this lovely glass ring just after we got together that she absolutely loved and is now all busted up. I think it'd be pretty cool to get a copy remade with shiny stuff as an engagement ring. No idea how much it would cost, but that is an amazingly sweet idea.
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Dec 30, 2013 03:18
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baquerd posted:Platinum will run probably $800ish for the band, the moissanites will be somewhere between $240-$2000 for the exterior stones depending on the exact sizing (it's hard to see precisely, but I ran with 3.5-4.5mm), and roughly $1000 for the center stone at roughly 8.5mm. The crafting won't be cheap due to the platinum and custom design, not sure there but I'd imagine at least another 1k. It's millimetres. I've got a really nice tanzanite I could use for the centre stone but I'm not sure if it would look right surrounded by white.
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Dec 30, 2013 03:47
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Loving Africa Chaps posted:It's millimetres. I've got a really nice tanzanite I could use for the centre stone but I'm not sure if it would look right surrounded by white. My fiancee loves purple, so I get her a lot of tanzanite poo poo. Looks great in a silver setting next to some CZ. She wanted a more traditional looking ring, so we went with Moissanite and Palladium but white metal + tanzanite looks great. I fly a lot, but the the Skymall tanzanite tennis bracelet and earrings look quite nice in a white setting. We've also been looking at palladium wedding bands that involve moissanite and tanzanite and they look amazing. The trick with tanzanite is that it is a rather soft stone. This is something my fiancee and I are still talking about because I'm less concerned with "how it looks" and more concerned with "how it will look".
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Dec 30, 2013 03:59
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I've been looking into rhodizite to use as a central jewel for the ring. I'm wondering if anyone has ever used this gem and what experience you've had with it.
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Jan 5, 2014 04:26
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Once we sign our marriage certificate, do we get to keep it after the ceremony or does the officiant have to file it with the state/county first and we get it back later? I'm trying to figure out the logistics of where and what order I'm going to change my name on the 80000 documents I need to change. From our current counts I need at least six copies of this drat piece of paper. And of course nowhere accepts photocopies, even notarized ones, so I have to request a ream of copies from the county.
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Jan 5, 2014 23:21
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Your officiant has to file it. They can't sign it until they perform the ceremony and the court needs to get a copy of the original to finalize the marriage. It took about a week or so to get ours back. My wife waited until we got the original back before starting the name change process.
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Jan 6, 2014 00:04
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Well that's annoying. I was hoping to get some of the paperwork that required both of us present filed the week after the wedding before we both flew back to our respective states, but I guess that's not happening. Now one of us has to drop a couple hundred on airfare to get paperwork filed.
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Jan 6, 2014 00:23
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It depends, you should call the court. We are in PA and so we could self unite and didn't need an officiant. But I dropped off the paper and got a notarized copy right then. No waiting time to file before getting a copy. You could maybe get the signed copy from the officiant and drop it off yourself? The social security administration and the dmv just handed it back to me immediately so they didn't keep it. The bank just needed my drivers license with the new name. So I only needed one notarized copy from the court.
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Jan 6, 2014 01:02
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:Well that's annoying. I was hoping to get some of the paperwork that required both of us present filed the week after the wedding before we both flew back to our respective states, but I guess that's not happening. Now one of us has to drop a couple hundred on airfare to get paperwork filed. Huh? I'm not sure I understand why it couldn't be done via FedEx or something? Plus_Infinity posted:It depends, you should call the court. We are in PA and so we could self unite and didn't need an officiant. What's up Quaker marriage buddy? 
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Jan 6, 2014 01:05
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rockcity posted:Your officiant has to file it. They can't sign it until they perform the ceremony and the court needs to get a copy of the original to finalize the marriage. It took about a week or so to get ours back. My wife waited until we got the original back before starting the name change process. Maybe you can work with your officiant, drop them a few bucks to drive with them to the courthouse and get copies there? I just got married at the courthouse and they gave me copies there. Much easier (but also much less pretty).
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Jan 6, 2014 01:32
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