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Chichevache
Feb 17, 2010

One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

I can not parse this sentence. Help me, y'all.

" Dolphins fans must find a way to await negativity with the franchise's first playoff bid on the line Sunday against the Jets "

Does he mean abate instead of await?

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Declan MacManus
Sep 1, 2011

damn i'm really in this bitch

Dave Dameshek is a lovely writer.

Highlights:

quote:

The first 16 weeks of the 2013 season have been pro football’s answer to ‘American Hustle’: long, confusing, and plum fantastic.

Fantastic for myriad reasons too many to count for this lazy writer, but now just prelude to the climax of a season regular in name only. You already know it, but it’s worth repeating: 2013 will go out like a lion (not the Detroit Lions, thankfully) thanks to the game’s most historic rivalry. Packers and Bears, Aaron Rodgers and Jay Cutler in Soldier Field for the NFC North title. Professional talkers are using phrases like “high risk, high reward!” and “professional legacy!” Here are the three words I prefer: ‘ooh’, ‘la’, and ‘la’.

quote:

Long, as in… how long ago does it seem Peyton opened the season with those seven TD passes against the defending champs? And will that long ago game – played in Denver instead of Baltimore (where it should been played) – be what keeps the Ravens from defending their crown? The home team has won 10 of the last 11 of those primetime midweek season openers, so it’s fair to assume the Ravens would have won theirs… which would mean Sunday’s game in Cincy would be for the division title, not a fight for survival.

quote:

Lots of people already consider the Packers and Eagles making the playoffs a foregone conclusion, but this season has made making such assumptions an rear end of you… but not me. I’m assuming nothing. In fact, I have more questions than answers. Questions like:

What if Kyle Orton beats the Eagles?

It seems impossible, but I would’ve said the same about Amy Adams being foxier than Jennifer Lawrence ’til I saw ‘American Hustle’.

quote:

And if Cutler wins it, he’ll likely get to keep calling Chicago home for a few more seasons so he and his sizable pals Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffrey can build on Marc Trestman’s promising first season. If the Bears lose, though, Cutler will more likely be wearing a Texans or Titans (or Bengals?) helmet come September ’14.

quote:

Who’ll represent the AFC in the Super Bowl?

Denver has been the best team over the last four months, but that’s not the question posed. A decent case can made for any of the top five seeds… and after the Chargers’ win in Denver a couple weeks ago, it’s not a long shot they could go on a deep run from the sixth spot. At the very least, the six-seed – whoever it is – will be good enough to have a realistic shot at going into Cincy or Indy in the wildcard round and coming out with a win.

I am mad irl that this guy has a job writing and I do not

Ribsauce
Jul 29, 2006

Blacks in the back.
Keep in mind he got his start in radio, and his talking is even more terrible than his writing.

Declan MacManus
Sep 1, 2011

damn i'm really in this bitch

if i had to pick three words i would choose 'ooh' and 'la' and poo poo, uh, i dunno, 'la' again?

v2vian man
Sep 1, 2007

Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?
my dude underestimatin j-law smh

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN
If your goddamn lede has a pop culture reference, that's where I stop reading. Good work, Dameshek.

Febreeze
Oct 24, 2011

I want to care, butt I dont
I still can't believe Dameshek has a weekly show on NFL.com during the season. He's so annoying and terrible, how the gently caress did he manage that

He has several shows. I mean one is him just making up poo poo "What if this happened instead?" called the N"if"L. Some poor intern draws all the pictures for that too.

Nibbler
Feb 13, 2007

America's Game, the way it's meant to be played.
I'd only ever seen/heard Dameshek and had never read his writing. I wish I could still say that.

SlipUp
Sep 30, 2006


stayin c o o l
I like the shame report sometimes but dave should be a feature rather then the presenter.

swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

Febreeze posted:

I still can't believe Dameshek has a weekly show on NFL.com during the season. He's so annoying and terrible, how the gently caress did he manage that

He has several shows. I mean one is him just making up poo poo "What if this happened instead?" called the N"if"L. Some poor intern draws all the pictures for that too.

I would watch it but only if every question took the form "What if [player name] was [race other than the one the player is]?

Chichevache
Feb 17, 2010

One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

swickles posted:

I would watch it but only if every question took the form "What if [player name] was [race other than the one the player is]?

What if Sebastian Janikowski was Japanese?

he wouldn't have a drinking problem.

FeedingHam2Cats
Nov 10, 2009

what if tim tebow was jewish but acted exactly the same way, but about judaism

sexpig by night
Sep 8, 2011

by Azathoth

FeedingHam2Cats posted:

what if tim tebow was jewish but acted exactly the same way, but about judaism

Run out on a loving rail day 1.

Absolut Mike
Oct 22, 2004

Primae noctis menage a trois.

Tatum Girlparts posted:

Run out on a loving rail day 1.

Half the owners are Jewish. I'd like to hope this wouldn't actually happen.

In all honesty, and not to derail, I don't think there COULD be a Jewish version of Tebow. There's not just a form of evangelicalism in the religion. Jews are not interested in sharing their message on a wide platform like Tebow did in his own way. They'll do it with fellow Jews of a less religious lifestyle all day (as has been my experience) but when it comes to other religions, REALLY religious Jews don't really have an outside the religion agenda.

EDIT: Really all sects of Judaism. Even when I went on Birthright, the whole (inferential) point was to make more Jewish weddings, get you to have more Jewish Babies and move to Israel to have them, where in 18 years they'll be conscripted.

Absolut Mike fucked around with this message at 02:24 on Dec 29, 2013

Febreeze
Oct 24, 2011

I want to care, butt I dont
What if Tim Tebow was Musli..hahahHahahahaha I can't even finish

sexpig by night
Sep 8, 2011

by Azathoth

Absolut Mike posted:

Half the owners are Jewish. I'd like to hope this wouldn't actually happen.

In all honesty, and not to derail, I don't think there COULD be a Jewish version of Tebow. There's not just a form of evangelicalism in the religion. Jews are not interested in sharing their message on a wide platform like Tebow did in his own way. They'll do it with fellow Jews of a less religious lifestyle all day (as has been my experience) but when it comes to other religions, REALLY religious Jews don't really have an outside the religion agenda.

EDIT: Really all sects of Judaism. Even when I went on Birthright, the whole (inferential) point was to make more Jewish weddings, get you to have more Jewish Babies and move to Israel to have them, where in 18 years they'll be conscripted.

I'm sure they aren't like going 'hey Goldberg you a fuckin Jew???' but going by my experiences there is nothing evangelicals lose their poo poo about more than Jews who remind them that Jews are different than them. If he came out one day and said 'hey guys, let me tell you about my Jewish faith and why it's helped me' he'd get a wonderful combo hit of the typical 'FUCKIN JEWS EVERYWHERE AAAAGH' nutjob crowd and evangelicals clutching their pearls that a dude who doesn't think Jesus is god is telling people he thinks his faith is correct. Tebow's press entirely came from the right wing evangelical crowd hugging him and vowing to protect him from the liberal comunazis who dare to say 'you look like an rear end in a top hat when you kneel down like that mid game'. If he didn't have those dudes he'd just be another good college player who was decent in the NFL.

I mean you're totally right that Jews just don't do the poo poo he did and we're super not evangelical at all, but I'm assuming he's some kinda weird rear end 'gotta spread the faith' type for this so it's a more accurate comparison. Yea in real life if Tim was a Jew he'd just, ya know be a Jew and no one would give a gently caress because seriously except for crazy people who cares if a dude is a Jew we super don't get in your face about it.

Declan MacManus
Sep 1, 2011

damn i'm really in this bitch

Tatum Girlparts posted:

I'm sure they aren't like going 'hey Goldberg you a fuckin Jew???' but going by my experiences there is nothing evangelicals lose their poo poo about more than Jews who remind them that Jews are different than them. If he came out one day and said 'hey guys, let me tell you about my Jewish faith and why it's helped me' he'd get a wonderful combo hit of the typical 'FUCKIN JEWS EVERYWHERE AAAAGH' nutjob crowd and evangelicals clutching their pearls that a dude who doesn't think Jesus is god is telling people he thinks his faith is correct. Tebow's press entirely came from the right wing evangelical crowd hugging him and vowing to protect him from the liberal comunazis who dare to say 'you look like an rear end in a top hat when you kneel down like that mid game'. If he didn't have those dudes he'd just be another good college player who was decent in the NFL.

I mean you're totally right that Jews just don't do the poo poo he did and we're super not evangelical at all, but I'm assuming he's some kinda weird rear end 'gotta spread the faith' type for this so it's a more accurate comparison. Yea in real life if Tim was a Jew he'd just, ya know be a Jew and no one would give a gently caress because seriously except for crazy people who cares if a dude is a Jew we super don't get in your face about it.

Judaism has an out for non-Jews to get into heaven, no way they're as h4rdcore

People would definitely say things like "oy" when he threw picks tho

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Declan MacManus posted:

Judaism has an out for non-Jews to get into heaven, no way they're as h4rdcore

People would definitely say things like "oy" when he threw picks tho

Imagine Jon gruden trying to say 'oy gevalt'

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






Sports Person of the Year: The N-word.


Great contribution to the sport, Jemele Hill!

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.
Literally everything wrong with Penn State's current culture in a succinct article

http://www.blackshoediaries.com/2014/1/1/5263776/bill-obrien-didnt-get-it

waah
Jun 20, 2011

Better stay in line when
You see a Pavel like me shinin

haljordan posted:

Sports Person of the Year: The N-word.


Great contribution to the sport, Jemele Hill!

You know you really have to respect Jemelle Hill. She consistently finds way to set the bar lower. It's like a pathological need to see if she can top her last piece.

ZenVulgarity
Oct 9, 2012

I made the hat by transforming my zen

What is Boomer and Carton and why do they never seem to talk about sports?

Name Change
Oct 9, 2005


I didn't think in the year of our lord 2014 there would still be MICHAEL VICK IS A DOG MURDERER editorials, but there you have it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/06/sports/football/before-signing-a-strong-arm-teams-should-heed-vicks-dark-past.html

Best yet is a namedrop of the widely de-bunked, non-existent Bountygate scandal.

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

football.

OneThousandMonkeys posted:

I didn't think in the year of our lord 2014 there would still be MICHAEL VICK IS A DOG MURDERER editorials, but there you have it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/06/sports/football/before-signing-a-strong-arm-teams-should-heed-vicks-dark-past.html

Best yet is a namedrop of the widely de-bunked, non-existent Bountygate scandal.

Uh...Bountygate wasn't real? :confused:

leftist heap
Feb 28, 2013

Fun Shoe
Goddamn that Vick article has everything, including the insinuation that playing in "the Canadian league" would serve as appropriate penitence. :laffo:

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Ehud posted:

Uh...Bountygate wasn't real? :confused:

Yeah I was wondering about this one too

Diva Cupcake
Aug 15, 2005

See on one hand I wouldn't mind a experienced QB who doesn't suck to back up Geno. On the other hand, gently caress Michael Vick for slaughtering lots of awesome dogs.

I'm conflicted.

Name Change
Oct 9, 2005


Mel Mudkiper posted:

Yeah I was wondering about this one too

Well I guess the scandal existed, that much is true, but it's a vaporscandal that went ahead thanks to Goodell being terrible.

Wikipedia:

quote:

However on July 26, 2012, Vilma and seven witnesses from the Saints testified in front of a federal judge in New Orleans that Goodell got his facts wrong, and there was no bounty scheme. [8] At least one legal expert agreed that Goodell had overstepped his authority. [9]

On December 11, 2012, former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue, appointed to hear the appeals, vacated all of the players' suspensions, saying that the coaches were primarily responsible for the scheme. But the damage had already been done; the 2012 Saints finished with a losing record and did not make the playoffs.

Also want to go on the record that Vick personally torturing and executing dogs is indeed horrible, but duh.

leftist heap
Feb 28, 2013

Fun Shoe
If only the judge had sentenced Vick to 2-3 years in the CFL all would be forgiven.

Gerty
Jun 11, 2013

by XyloJW

OneThousandMonkeys posted:

Well I guess the scandal existed, that much is true, but it's a vaporscandal that went ahead thanks to Goodell being terrible.

So what you quoted says that the scheme existed, but that it wasn't the players fault? Isn't Gregg Williams even on tape talking about deliberately trying to aggravate opposing players injuries or something?

swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know
Hey guys, torturing dogs is bad. Intentionally harming another human permanently while playing a game is ok though.

Chichevache
Feb 17, 2010

One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

swickles posted:

Hey guys, torturing dogs is bad. Intentionally harming another human permanently while playing a game is ok though.

Dr. Doom over here, y'all.

Blotto Skorzany
Nov 7, 2008

He's a PSoC, loose and runnin'
came the whisper from each lip
And he's here to do some business with
the bad ADC on his chip
bad ADC on his chiiiiip
Vilma and seven of his cronies/other accused testified that it didn't happen in the context of a lawsuit to get their punishments lifted (let's forget the shitload of people who testified that bountygate did happen despite the risk of getting blackballed), and one judge (in the process of refusing to grant Vilma a restraining order against the entire NFL, lollllll) made an offhanded remark outside their competence. Sounds like an open and shut case, the Saints were pure angels who got railroaded!

Gerty posted:

So what you quoted says that the scheme existed, but that it wasn't the players fault? Isn't Gregg Williams even on tape talking about deliberately trying to aggravate opposing players injuries or something?

Yes. He was recorded telling players to aggravate their opponents concussions and to tear their ACLs.

Gregg Williams, while unaware he was being recorded posted:

"We need to find out in the first two series of the game, that little wide receiver, No. 10 [Kyle Williams], about his concussion. We need to f***ing put a lick on him right now. He needs to decide. He needs to f***ing decide."

"We need to decide whether Crabtree wants to be a fake-rear end prima donna or he wants to be a tough guy. We need to find that out. He becomes human when you f***ing take out that outside ACL."

"We need to decide on how many times we can beat Frank Gore’s head."

" We need to decide how many times we can bull rush and we can f***ing put Vernon Davis’ ankles over the pile. We need to decide, and when they are fearing us, they give us the ball." [Davis suffered ankle injuries during the 2010 season]

"Alex Smith, in the preseason game, when you guys avalanched that motherf***er, had eyes that big [dilated eyes are a concussion symptom]. You all saw him when we got after his rear end in the preseason game. We got after his rear end here last year on Monday Night Football."

Name Change
Oct 9, 2005


Otto Skorzeny posted:

Vilma and seven of his cronies/other accused testified that it didn't happen in the context of a lawsuit to get their punishments lifted (let's forget the shitload of people who testified that bountygate did happen despite the risk of getting blackballed), and one judge (in the process of refusing to grant Vilma a restraining order against the entire NFL, lollllll) made an offhanded remark outside their competence. Sounds like an open and shut case, the Saints were pure angels who got railroaded!


Yes. He was recorded telling players to aggravate their opponents concussions and to tear their ACLs.

Yup! I was very wrong about the Bountygate thing. Like, diametrically and utterly opposed from the correct stance.

Kalli
Jun 2, 2001



OneThousandMonkeys posted:

Yup! I was very wrong about the Bountygate thing. Like, diametrically and utterly opposed from the correct stance.

It is worth saying that it was undoubtedly quite common, if not everywhere, then with everyone from the Buddy Ryan school of loving people up (specifically, Jeff Fisher), but the Saints got the target on their back and the league had top dollars on the table for their kneecaps.

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






Jesus, do "reporters" have ANY shame whatsoever anymore? I don't know who Sally Jenkins is, but I'd like to meet the Washington Post editor she hosed in order to get a column. Great hit piece on RGIII, whom she calls a "boy emperor." Then there's this gem, which she buries down near the bottom third of the article:

quote:

In fairness to Griffin, not every story about his ego is true, and he is so young that he genuinely may not understand how he was perceived, especially in the flash of stardom.


Yeah not every story is true but let me go ahead and reference them all unquestioningly. Also apparently RGIII is the #1 roadblock for a coach wanting to go to Washington.

edit: Apparently this woman was one of Lance Armstrong's biggest defenders and supporters too (she collaborated on a book with him) :lol: Obviously a fantastic judge of character.

haljordan fucked around with this message at 16:30 on Jan 7, 2014

FUCKFACE MORON
Apr 23, 2010

by sebmojo
At least she didn't call him a thug

midwat
May 6, 2007

haljordan posted:

Jesus, do "reporters" have ANY shame whatsoever anymore? I don't know who Sally Jenkins is, but I'd like to meet the Washington Post editor she hosed in order to get a column. Great hit piece on RGIII, whom she calls a "boy emperor". Then there's this gem, which she buries down near the bottom third of the article:

Yeah not every story is true but let me go ahead and reference them all unquestioningly. Also apparently RGIII is the #1 roadblock for a coach wanting to go to Washington.

edit: Apparently this woman was Lance Armstrong's biggest defender and supporter too (she collaborated on a book with him) :lol: Obviously a fantastic judge of character.

Does Shanahan really think he looks better by leaking this? I mean, don't owners consider "planting hit pieces in the press" to be a more grievous sin than "kinda sucking at your job"?

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






To me, the most ridiculous part is how she tries to portray RGIII as the #1 problem with the Redskins and not the fuckwit owner.

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midwat
May 6, 2007

haljordan posted:

edit: Apparently this woman was one of Lance Armstrong's biggest defender and supporter too (she collaborated on a book with him) :lol: Obviously a fantastic judge of character.

She also did the JoePa interview where he never heard of rape and a man.

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