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Just yesterday I lifted my 1-year old up out of her stroller right into a hanging light I didn't notice. No blood or anything, but she did cry a bit. I distracted her with some bouncing and all was forgotten. It happens.
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Jan 10, 2014 01:06
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Ron Jeremy posted:I had my then four year old on my shoulders at Disneyland. We were walking on Main Street and i turned to go into an ice cream parlor. As I walked through the door I smacked his forehead right into the top of the door frame. Daddy shoulder rides are the Very Best Thing in our house. Him smacking the kids into the top of the door frames is like a right of passage around here. 
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Jan 10, 2014 01:42
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Thanks all.  I think he's pretty drat awesome myself. We're very lucky we have a top notch children's hospital here too, so we went right to that ER rather than just a standard hospital ER. God is that a heartbreaking place; there was a newborn in one of the rooms next to us that didn't have any parents there that I ever saw; the nurses did all the feeding/diaper changing, etc. I didn't really even have time to cry about my son, but I cried for that baby.  I guess it's good to have learned in a not TOO bad way that I might need to be like, "No REALLY, don't let his charming good nature disarm you, he might actually be sick/hurt" because drat, if I hadn't noticed him not using that arm immediately after falling, I wouldn't have even brought him in I don't think. Hard to say in hindsight, but he only screamed for the first like, 10 min right after the fall and I think it was more the shock of "what the gently caress, that's never happened before!" It was a low chair, it was carpeted floor, and he was back to laughing, smiling, and waving that arm around like usual within 20 minutes. To put it into perspective: I fractured my skull when I was 9 months old. I went down the concrete basement steps in one of those old-style walkers on wheels, with a house full of family! I also have a very tall girlfriend who lifted her son up to check his diaper while the ceiling fan was on. He was fine, just a bruise.
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Jan 10, 2014 02:09
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Hey Dandy Shrew, Liam had a surprise ortho visit today! He was due for a checkup in the next few months and they had a cancellation so they called him in. X-rays went as I remembered from before: they had my mom lay him down and then hold his feet in a certain position and it was over in no time at all. The verdict as it stands right now: right hip surgeries were successful, that joint looks great now and is growing fine. Left hip, which was never as bad as the right one and we've just been keeping an eye on while the surgeon hemmed and hawed about whether it was bad enough to warrant surgery...in the last year and a half, it resolved on its own. Normal looking hip joint, no surgeries! She'll keep following him with annual checkups until he gets closer to adult height, but for now it's looking like we're in the clear.
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Jan 10, 2014 02:45
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Fionnoula posted:Hey Dandy Shrew, Liam had a surprise ortho visit today! He was due for a checkup in the next few months and they had a cancellation so they called him in. X-rays went as I remembered from before: they had my mom lay him down and then hold his feet in a certain position and it was over in no time at all. Awesome, thanks! I'm glad to hear he's looking well. That's great news!
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Jan 10, 2014 14:22
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We're talking about having a second and I need advice. The TL;DR on this is, when do the negatives outweigh the positives? We have an adorable 2.5 year old. She was an easy baby, slept well, ate well, no colic. She's an easy toddler - very few tantrums, can be reasoned with (!). We're really lucky and we know it. We both work full time and are comfortably middle class - we can put her in day care (which around here runs $260/week) and still afford to eat out. Again, we're lucky and we know it. And, we want to stay that way. With an only child we can put her in private school if we want to. We can take her on vacations, we can travel, we can do summer camp. We can put money away for college. We can give her our full attention and anything she really needs. If we have a second, that becomes less easy. If my car dies (and it wants to) we can replace it but paying it off will take a long time. Two daycare tuitions is my entire paycheck. The college funds will be hard to add to, vacations may never happen, my kitchen will never get the remodel that it really needs (long story but it's approaching need, not want). Plus, there is a history of mental illness on both sides of the family; there's a high probability that our kids (current and future) will have serious mental illness. The medication I'm on for mine is category C, but I need to stay on it, so that's a risk of birth defects. I'm close to 35, so that's a risk too. And beyond money and my need to be really careful of stress, advancing maternal age lends itself to twins. I don't know if I can handle twins. Kiddo is already 2.5; after I get my IUD out and talk to all my doctors about my medication it will be April before we could start trying. If I catch right away, they'll be 3.5 years apart, and I have no illusion that I'll get pregnant fast. Any more of an age span and will they really have anything in common? Will they play together, support each other, or just be two only children under one roof? Plus I'm in grad school, and I don't know if I should wait until graduation to start so that I'm not juggling two kids and a thesis at once, but that's an even longer wait. All that said, we want to do this again. Kids are awesome and as much as my practically-perfect kid drives me batty, I adore watching her grow and learn and play and find herself. Plus, we want her to have a sibling. I was an only child and lonely. My husband and his sister fought like anything when young, but they are so close now, and they have each other to spread their parents' drama around, and I want that kind of relationship for her. But we know that the next one could be hard to handle. We know it will definitely mean less attention for the firstborn. We know it means probably getting a minivan, and taking more time off work to deal with sickness, and quitting hobbies, and fighting among both the kids and the parents. Before we had the first, I knew that I would be forever regretful and resentful if we didn't have kids. With this, I'm not sure if I would regret more having one, or not trying again. I feel like, if I'm ambivalent, that's a sign not to do it. But I'm not really ambivalent, I'm just practical and torn. Thoughts?
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Jan 10, 2014 19:49
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Can you wait until the little one's in school (but not private) and then only be paying one daycare fee still? We want two kids but financially that's what we'll have to do - wait until kiddo's a year away from school age and start trying then. There are good state schools which we are currently trying to move near, and while I might have to reduce my hours around his school day, we should still be ok with one nursery fee for kiddo #2. Also I think how close siblings are to one another is more to do with family dynamics than age, so I'm hoping the 4 year age gap won't matter too much. My brother and I were 6 years apart and we were close until we were teenagers (and it's more that our home life was a poo poo show than the age gap which caused us to grow apart).
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Jan 10, 2014 20:02
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Why do you want to have a second kid? It sounds like your (and the first kids) life will be much worse off if you do. 3.5 to four years is not a big age gap at all though. They'd play together. They'd be in the same elementary. I guess the question is what hike in your life is a second kid gonna fill? Is there even a hole that needs filling? Could it be filed by a puppy?
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Jan 10, 2014 20:05
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Professor Bananas posted:Also I think how close siblings are to one another is more to do with family dynamics than age, so I'm hoping the 4 year age gap won't matter too much. My brother and I were 6 years apart and we were close until we were teenagers (and it's more that our home life was a poo poo show than the age gap which caused us to grow apart). My sister and I are five years apart, and I *adored* getting to be the one to "teach" her the alphabet and play school together  We played together until about when she was seven and I was twelve, because I grew out of toys and the playground. After a few years we forged a new relationship based on interests and things instead of toys.
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Jan 10, 2014 20:08
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I have four younger siblings who are 2, 5, 7 and 10 years younger than me. I hung out with my sister who was two years younger than me lots when we were really young, but that ended half way through grade school and didn't pick up again until I got married at 22 and hadn't lived at home for four years. My siblings that are younger than that--we never really talked and I still have no idea what kind of stuff they're into, even though the youngest one is turning 20 in a few months, and as a teenager and young adult, I absolutely resented my parents' decision to have five kids because it was pretty clear that we missed out on most of the stuff out friends had. Five is definitely not two, though, and I can't imagine a second would be all that taxing on your budget in comparison. Alternatively, I have a lot of friends who were only children with parents who absolutely took them traveling, on vacations and made sure they had awesome schooling who maintain that they were not lonely and loved being the center of attention when it came to their parents. What I'm saying is that it's really hard to predict how things will turn out; there are so many variables that you can really only decide if you want a second child more than you want those other things, make a decision and do your best to love whichever path you chose.
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Jan 10, 2014 21:07
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When you sit down and logically list the pros and cons to having kids, on paper it's never makes sense to have kids. They suck up all your time, money, make your hair fall out blah blah blah. But it's rewarding in it's own way. You have to decide if it's right for you. I don't know if I could start with a newborn at 36+. I'm almost 33 and I'm done. DONE.
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Jan 10, 2014 21:21
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greatn posted:Why do you want to have a second kid? [snip] Is there even a hole that needs filling? Because... I do? Why does anyone want to have kids? I like kids, I like my kid, kids are great, raising them and teaching them and watching them see snow for the first time.... But no, there's not a sense of lacking something with just one at home. Again, indecision may be a sign not to do this.
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Jan 10, 2014 21:24
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I always wanted two kids. I can't imagine life with just one. All the things that were listed as liabilities? For me, I just consider them minor temporary setbacks. We are currently expecting our second, and sometimes I joke "Is it too late to change our mind? It sure is nice sleeping through the night," but having two is something I've always been sure of. I think you're taking the right approach. If you aren't sure, take the extra time you need to make sure. Maybe you'll decide to go for it, maybe you'll decide one is the right number for you.
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Jan 10, 2014 21:30
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Funnily enough I wasn't sure I wanted kids at all, then I managed to get pregnant anyway through two forms of birth control, so we took it as a sign. Now I literally feel like someone's missing and I just have to wait for them so I can't imagine not having another. It's really odd. I think the practical concerns are valid, it will always be a trade off of sorts, but I know we would regret not having another even if we're temporarily a bit more broke until both are in school. ^^^ the previous post is good advice, it's easy to feel rushed into a decision by various factors including age but a bit more time to think might help. Professor Bananas fucked around with this message at 21:56 on Jan 10, 2014 |
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Jan 10, 2014 21:52
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Melliemel posted:Because... I do? Why does anyone want to have kids? I like kids, I like my kid, kids are great, raising them and teaching them and watching them see snow for the first time.... But no, there's not a sense of lacking something with just one at home. Again, indecision may be a sign not to do this. Your post just sounded more like you were trying to convince yourself you wanted another kid than the other way around. If you're really unsure, what about just going off birth control, not particularly trying one way or another, and see what happens?
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Jan 10, 2014 21:55
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skipdogg posted:You have to decide if it's right for you. I don't know if I could start with a newborn at 36+. I'm almost 33 and I'm done. DONE. I'm 36. With a two month old. And a 15 month old (currently on my lap), a 3 year old, and an 8 year old. Daddy needs a drink.
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Jan 10, 2014 22:54
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Why not consider foster/adopt?
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Jan 10, 2014 23:07
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I've seen both research and anecdotes that 2 is the hardest number. They will fight, they will suck time as if they were only children, they will have only-child expectations or tuition and cars, etc. etc. If you are planning to keep on trucking, and have 3, or go all quiverfull on it, then expectations adjust, and the economies of scale kick in. Kid number 5 doesn't expect anything but hand-me-downs, and scholarships, because no way in gently caress is there money for college. People with one kid are happy as hell. People with two kids are less happy, three kids, slightly more happy, after three it is pretty clear that baby-having is your raison d'etre, and more is better. I've got two kids, and tenure/finance/threw away the diaper pail already tends to suggest that we are done at two. But if we had stayed in production, I think 3 would have not been _more_ work than two, because you plow all your time into 2 kids anyway, so it's not like there are more hours in the day, larger numbers of kids apparently learn to make do with the same number of hours split between them.
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Jan 11, 2014 00:50
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We're stopping at 2 (not by my choice), but where are you getting that people with 2 are less happy?
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Jan 11, 2014 01:09
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So you want to have three kids... http://shortwinded.net/so-you-would-like-to-have-three-children/
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Jan 11, 2014 01:15
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I'm from a family of 2 kids. My wife is from a family of 3 kids. I've always heard that 3 is the hardest number. Never heard that about 2. If I have anything to do with it we'll stop at 2. We've got to get to 2 first though.
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Jan 11, 2014 01:32
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I don't think a big age gap really matters too much, I'm closest to my sister and there's 6 years between us and with my kids there's a 6 year age gap and they get on okay (but it's true that they rarely played together). Personally I found three was worse than two but then four is exactly the same as three except you need a bigger car. The biggest difference was between one and two though.
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Jan 11, 2014 09:37
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VorpalBunny posted:Why not consider foster/adopt? There is always this. The time sink is still there (vastly different) but you bypass the difficult baby stages and, if you're really worried about your genes, that isn't a problem. And you get the added benefit of knowing you are helping an existing needy child. Downsides: it's expensive, kid comes with his own problems and possibility of existing family drama. But I understand the urge to have one of your own. You're never going to be rich enough, sane enough, or ready enough to have a baby; you have to pretty much do what you can and then take the leap. But it is totally okay to have an only child too. My husband is an only and says he's never really felt the lack of a brother or sister, and indeed is glad not to have one after encountering my...problematic brother. 
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Jan 13, 2014 16:39
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These are all good thoughts; thanks for giving me more to keep in mind!
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Jan 13, 2014 17:07
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Looking for some insight from parents of autistic kids. Our pediatrician was concerned at the 2-year appointment because our daughter doesn't make much eye-contact, likes to play alone, and hasn't yet used language to communicate two ways despite a considerable vocabulary. I don't think there's anything wrong with her. Dad's a strong INTP personality and there are a lot of similar elements. She laughs and plays with me if I pretend to chase her with a stuffed animal. She doesn't turn when we say her name, but will respond if we ask if she wants to do fun things: "Want ice cream? Want to go upstairs and play? Want to take a bath?" Not verbally but she fully understands and runs to comply. Except for two way conversation, her verbal skills are fine. She can speak in sentences: "I dropped the bunny!" but rarely tells us what she wants proactively. In a room full of kids, she's happy playing in the corner on her own. Now that we're starting the early intervention process, every minute of my day is tinged with dread. I can't enjoy time with her without looking for signs to rule out or confirm ASD. My biggest fear is that she has my personality and will be misdiagnosed. Thoughts?
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Jan 15, 2014 21:36
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High Lord Elbow posted:
Well, till you are actually making IEPs in kindergarten, your kid isn't permanently marked out, and most of the therapeutic early-interventiony things they do with ASD kids are probably pretty good for neurotypical...or non-autistic atypical kids as well. My younger kid was a gaze-avoiding weirdo early on, and grew out of it about three sessions in with the early-intervention people, who determined that he was probably only interaction-avoidant compared to his hyperactive talk a blue streak and pay-attention to me and my many many tricks big brother.
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Jan 15, 2014 22:00
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High Lord Elbow posted:My biggest fear is that she has my personality and will be misdiagnosed. Thoughts? What is the downside of being misdiagnosed in this way, aside from some perceived stigma in the parents' minds? My wife is a PreK-8 school psychologist so I hear about the special provisions made for ASD kids all the time, and the downside of insisting it's a misdiagnosis seems way out of proportion to any negative affects of early intervention.
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Jan 15, 2014 22:45
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Papercut posted:What is the downside of being misdiagnosed in this way, aside from some perceived stigma in the parents' minds? My wife is a PreK-8 school psychologist so I hear about the special provisions made for ASD kids all the time, and the downside of insisting it's a misdiagnosis seems way out of proportion to any negative affects of early intervention. First, early intervention doesn't require a diagnosis. Second, if you don't understand why a parent would be concerned about misdiagnosis of a developmental disorder, google the golem effect. I don't want a false label on my child that will effect expectations and lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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Jan 16, 2014 00:50
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From the other side of that, if she does have some form of autism and she gets intervention early it can vastly improve her quality of life. My husband's cousin has a son that's autistic and he got intervention from an early age and other than being a little quirky, you would have no idea.
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Jan 16, 2014 00:53
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Oh the early intervention is definitely happening and I see the benefit. I just worry that ASD has become a too-easy catch-all and if her personality is like mine, she could be perfectly normal but raise a half-dozen red flags anyway.
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Jan 16, 2014 01:40
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By two way conversation, I take that to mean back and forth? Like answering a question, or asking you a question? That sounds like pragmatic speech delay which is often associated with ASD. My son has ASD and this was probably our biggest clue. No question he was verbal and had a large vocabulary. It's not enough to count how many words a kid has or understands. It's the social aspect of language that is the biggest clue. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pragmatic_language_impairment#Characteristics Like everything to do with ASD, my son only hit a few key things on that list at age 2, not all of them. For him he most clearly had: - Repeating words or phrases ("scripted" language. It often felt like he was saying something close to what he meant but not exactly what he wanted to say) - difficulty with pronouns or pronoun reversal ("I" versus "you" is practically impossible to explain to a toddler, by the way.) But that's the thing with checklists. He liked kids, he loved jokes, he spoke in sentences from about 18 months. He answered factual questions, or simple choices, but if you asked him if he liked something he couldn't say yes or no. I don't know where you live but for us it was a very lengthy process to actually get a diagnosis of ASD. We were on a waiting list for over a year for an initial appointment at the very large, prestigious Autism center that our insurance insisted we use. However, early intervention did observations of him and did not have to diagnose him in order to get him in programs that helped him, so that was within a very short period of time. I guess my point is that you don't automatically get a diagnosis, you have to push for it, so I wouldn't worry about your child being pigeonholed.
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Jan 16, 2014 06:57
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I came from a family with two kids and my parents divorced early on. We still did vacations and had a really good upbringing. I think the positives outweigh the negatives on having your second. Although you could be like me and have three kids at once. We went from a one child household to a four child household. Vacations are on hold for the next 20 years, at least the ones that would involve airfare.
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Jan 16, 2014 09:02
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I recently bought a Baby Back Pack Carrier, and did a bunch of pretty thorough research which I thought I may as well use to kick off a "Dad Reviews" Blog for reviewing baby stuff: http://dadreviewsstuff.blogspot.com.au/2014/01/baby-carriers.html Feedback welcome. I'm planning on doing more - starting with a bike trailer I'm looking to buy soon. Then can do picnic spots around town, books, DVDs, etc. I mean it's as much for our enjoyment as anything else, but hopefully some other people might find it useful. 
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Jan 17, 2014 03:58
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Those with little girls, what term do you use with them to refer to their girl bits? I was thinking that we really need to settle on something so that we have a word we can use with Amelia. The other day while changing her nappy I decided to try "front bottom" just for the hell of it. Only problem is that I had forgotten that she doesn't always pronounce her "r"s, and she cannot yet do "f", instead substituting a "c". Her effort had me laughing for a good few minutes as a result. "Vagina" seems quite cold and clinical, but maybe we will just go with that.
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Jan 17, 2014 11:50
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OneSizeFitsAll posted:Those with little girls, what term do you use with them to refer to their girl bits? I was thinking that we really need to settle on something so that we have a word we can use with Amelia. Sounds like she's answered your question for you right there.
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Jan 17, 2014 12:04
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We don't use cutesy nicknames for body parts. We say "crotch" for the general area, but use labels for specifics. I have said to my son, "Wow, you really got that poop on your scrotum." When our daughter is born, we'll say labia and vagina when referring to her parts. The only exception is that I call a butt a "tush" because that's what I'm used to from my parents.
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Jan 17, 2014 12:42
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We just use the actual names for body parts. It makes me cringe when I hear cutesy nicknames.
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Jan 17, 2014 13:44
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Vulva. It's easy for a young child to say.
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Jan 17, 2014 14:08
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We use privates or business for that region in general, and balls and penis for specifics. I want him to be able to tell me what parts hurt if there's ever an issue like that, but I don't feel like I need to get clinical and be all "MAMA'S WIPING YOUR GENITALS." Front bottom is hilariously bad!
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Jan 17, 2014 14:54
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When I was little my mom referred to it at my "privates"
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Jan 17, 2014 15:01
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