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CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

fool_of_sound posted:

There's a reason that the holy orders were founded to defend Jerusalem...

(Vassalize the Templars and Hospitallers; they're really your only chance against the Mamluk-backed Egyptians, or Dervish/Hashashin backed Muslim blobs.)
I did that. That extra 9,000 men was already included in the "nearly at parity, at least in army size".

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Prowave Tierdash
Mar 12, 2010

CapnAndy posted:

I did that. That extra 9,000 men was already included in the "nearly at parity, at least in army size".

The only way I've found to be able to keep Jerusalem is to already be so ludicrous in size and power when you take it that you can already defeat Egypt more or less by yourself. Typically this means either a big realm with a giant levy, or having enough gold to flood Jerusalem with mercenaries. Having the Great Company, Templars, Hospitalars, a big retinue, and sizable personal levy should be enough to defend it more or less by yourself.

In my Empire of Italia game, I managed to get my nephew on the throne of the Byzantine Empire through marriages and endless murder. Since he's catholic, he's now demanding all of his vassals convert to Catholicism and it's working. All of the provinces of the Byzantine empire are now slowly converting to Catholicism and so are all the vassals. What's better is I've betrothed my daughter and heir to him so that within a few generations two of the world's biggest powers will unite. It's gonna be a :master:

HenessyHero
Mar 4, 2008

"I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real."
:qq:
If you were at parity I think there should have been a way to win. If not through optimal use of terrain/commanders/traits then through dropping a fat stack to hire either some mercenaries or some assassins to get an enemy commander on day 1 of battle. That would leave that flank without a commander for the rest of the battle and that often has hellish results for a major clash. In particular, horse archers are best empowered by a set of tactics that require martial of at least 12 10, so it's worthwhile to cloak and dagger a general that fits that bill.

Taking loans or calling in Pope favors can help out with the money.

e: also not a bad idea to have your martial stop what he's doing and raise troops at your biggest levy provider.

HenessyHero fucked around with this message at 08:49 on Jan 22, 2014

Picard Day
Dec 18, 2004

CapnAndy posted:

So... any tips for actually holding Jerusalem?

Speaking of Jerusalem, I just recently started playing an 867 start with CK2+ game as a Catholic ruler in Wales. By the time 950 rolled around, the pope was ready to call the first Crusade, for Jerusalem - which at the time happened to belong to child ruler loathed by fellow muslims and his vassals. Proximity seemed to be more important than actual forces as the first guy there was the Doge of Capua (who was the only existing trade republic besides my pet on in England) and is the only guy who finished sieges aside from the Pope before the Crusade was over.

Now there is a Most Serene Republic of Gerussalem :stare: I didn't even know that could happen!

AAAAA! Real Muenster
Jul 12, 2008

My QB is also named Bort

It does not help that the Mameluks get a merc company for practically free + a holy order + a high-tech high-barony count homeland. I think CKII does a bad job simulating that sometimes the muslims really loving fractured and it wasnt just because of a short-term civil war.

Fuligin
Oct 27, 2010

wait what the fuck??

Picard Day posted:

Speaking of Jerusalem, I just recently started playing an 867 start with CK2+ game as a Catholic ruler in Wales. By the time 950 rolled around, the pope was ready to call the first Crusade, for Jerusalem - which at the time happened to belong to child ruler loathed by fellow muslims and his vassals. Proximity seemed to be more important than actual forces as the first guy there was the Doge of Capua (who was the only existing trade republic besides my pet on in England) and is the only guy who finished sieges aside from the Pope before the Crusade was over.

Now there is a Most Serene Republic of Gerussalem :stare: I didn't even know that could happen!

It actually happens a lot (at least in CK2+), since merchant republics are weirdly inclined to go crusading in hilarious contravention of actual history.

Empress Theonora
Feb 19, 2001

She was a sword glinting in the depths of night, a lance of light piercing the darkness. There would be no mistakes this time.

Mickey McKey posted:

It does not help that the Mameluks get a merc company for practically free + a holy order + a high-tech high-barony count homeland. I think CKII does a bad job simulating that sometimes the muslims really loving fractured and it wasnt just because of a short-term civil war.

It does a good job of simulating that crusades were a terrible idea and crusader states were loving doomed, though! :v:

binge crotching
Apr 2, 2010

In today's edition of the worst borders, I present this item:

Piell
Sep 3, 2006

Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer


Young Orc
At first I just saw the scattered Seljuks, and was thinking that was pretty ugly. But then I saw sourthern Italy was Sweden. What the gently caress, Sweden?

Trogdos!
Jul 11, 2009

A DRAGON POKEMAN
well technically a water/flying type

Piell posted:

At first I just saw the scattered Seljuks, and was thinking that was pretty ugly. But then I saw sourthern Italy was Sweden. What the gently caress, Sweden?

I'm guessing it's the player who is Capua or Amalfi, and for some reason swore fealty to a swedish king.

Veryslightlymad
Jun 3, 2007

I fight with
my brain
and with an
underlying
hatred of the
Erebonian
Noble Faction
I had Sweden down there in a game, but they won a crusade for Sicily. For a while, they were my biggest rival.

Rurik
Mar 5, 2010

Thief
Warrior
Gladiator
Grand Prince

Picard Day posted:

Speaking of Jerusalem, I just recently started playing an 867 start with CK2+ game as a Catholic ruler in Wales. By the time 950 rolled around, the pope was ready to call the first Crusade, for Jerusalem - which at the time happened to belong to child ruler loathed by fellow muslims and his vassals. Proximity seemed to be more important than actual forces as the first guy there was the Doge of Capua (who was the only existing trade republic besides my pet on in England) and is the only guy who finished sieges aside from the Pope before the Crusade was over.

Now there is a Most Serene Republic of Gerussalem :stare: I didn't even know that could happen!

In my game the crown went to Knights Hospitalier. So now there's a Jerusalem-sized gray blob in the Middle East with "Knights Hospitalier" written on it.

duralict
Sep 18, 2007

this isn't hug club at all

Rurik posted:

In my game the crown went to Knights Hospitalier. So now there's a Jerusalem-sized gray blob in the Middle East with "Knights Hospitalier" written on it.

That's kind of badass. Although the game mechanics do make it really hard to take territory back from those guys once they start getting counties, so good luck ever doing much in the Levant.

Trogdos!
Jul 11, 2009

A DRAGON POKEMAN
well technically a water/flying type
Are there any good alt-history mods that shuffle the power blocs? Kinda like europa gooniversalis but for CK2. The only ones I've seen just chop everything into counties or clinical duchies with only their de jure lands or both. Boring.

hellsjudge
May 13, 2010

Rurik posted:

In my game the crown went to Knights Hospitalier. So now there's a Jerusalem-sized gray blob in the Middle East with "Knights Hospitalier" written on it.

That's happened in all the Crusades in my game, too. Knights Hospitaller took all of Hungary and then later on there was a Crusade for Andalusia, Knights of Santiago ended up winning that one, so there was a giant orange pain stain across half of Spain that didn't even have a kingdom crown on it.


Of course, ripe pickins for Norse holy wars :getin:.

NihilVerumNisiMors
Aug 16, 2012
Once holy orders pop up, it becomes extremely hard to win a crusade yourself. So you'll see a Hungary-sized KNIGHTS OF CALATRAVA or a nice fat chunk of Iberian TEUTONIC ORDER quite often.

Inside Outside
Jul 31, 2005

Rurik posted:

In my game the crown went to Knights Hospitalier. So now there's a Jerusalem-sized gray blob in the Middle East with "Knights Hospitalier" written on it.

On a related note, my current Carpathia game has the Teutonic Order holding all of Mali. West Africa is slowly becoming culturally German, which is going to be really weird when I import this game into EUIV.

Civilized Fishbot
Apr 3, 2011
According to Paradox, "next week you'll know more" about the next expansion to CK2, which will "allow you to reign supreme from a brand new setting."

Posted on their Facebook page

Torrannor
Apr 27, 2013

---FAGNER---
TEAM-MATE

Civilized Fishbot posted:

According to Paradox, "next week you'll know more" about the next expansion to CK2, which will "allow you to reign supreme from a brand new setting."

Posted on their Facebook page

This makes me imagine all kinds of awesome things. For example a non-European/Arabian/North African start. Japan? China? India? Perhaps even America?

Perhaps they created a fantasy scenario themselves? That would own.

Or could it be something already in CK2? Playable holy orders? Playable theocracies?

I can hardly wait, with Paradox' recent track record of great expansions it will probably be extremely good.

Tevery Best
Oct 11, 2013

Hewlo Furriend
I set up an antipope to get the Steam achievement, but the game didn't award it for some reason. Any clue on how to get rid of the guy with minimal fuss so that I may try again? I don't have Sons of Abraham.

THE LESBIATHAN
Jan 22, 2011

The name Daria was already taken.

Tevery Best posted:

I set up an antipope to get the Steam achievement, but the game didn't award it for some reason. Any clue on how to get rid of the guy with minimal fuss so that I may try again? I don't have Sons of Abraham.

Pretty sure you've got to have Ironman Mode on.

Bloodly
Nov 3, 2008

Not as strong as you'd expect.

Torrannor posted:

This makes me imagine all kinds of awesome things. For example a non-European/Arabian/North African start. Japan? China? India? Perhaps even America?

Perhaps they created a fantasy scenario themselves? That would own.

Or could it be something already in CK2? Playable holy orders? Playable theocracies?

I can hardly wait, with Paradox' recent track record of great expansions it will probably be extremely good.

Maybe they bought out a mod or are using it for their own interpretation. They went far enough to make a patch change specifically to aid a mod. When you've gone that far, why not go the whole hog?

Piell
Sep 3, 2006

Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer


Young Orc
Maybe a random map generator?

arhra
Jun 27, 2006

SeaTard posted:

In today's edition of the worst borders, I present this item:

I've seen worse:



Although to be fair, this is shortly after a crusade that absolutely shattered the Fatimids (and yes, that's the Knights Templar there in the Kingdom of Jerusalem, despite me handily winning the crusade as Ireland).

And I don't know what the hell Serbia think they're doing (other than turning Hungary into a donut), but I don't like it.

Edit: Also, that tiny chunk of France enclaved within the larger Aragon in Iberia? For some reason, that one province is Swedish-cultured, and has been since at least the early 12thC or so. :psyduck: (side note: there are two Aragons. Right next to each other. How is that even possible).

arhra fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Jan 22, 2014

jellycat
Nov 5, 2012

it's a nice day
I wish the direct vassals view didn't show places outside your realm because my internal borders are absurdly, hopelessly hideous. I guess that's just what happens when you're a huge empire, though.

monster on a stick
Apr 29, 2013

Rurik posted:

In my game the crown went to Knights Hospitalier. So now there's a Jerusalem-sized gray blob in the Middle East with "Knights Hospitalier" written on it.

In mine, there was a crusade declared to take back Greece.



:stare:

Bloodly
Nov 3, 2008

Not as strong as you'd expect.
Meh. It'd be nice to see the Papacy or one of the Knight orders run the world. Or a Republic.

Tevery Best
Oct 11, 2013

Hewlo Furriend

Icecream Jane posted:

Pretty sure you've got to have Ironman Mode on.

I know and it's on. It was probably my internet connection mucking things up, it tends to happen. I'm not really mad about it or anything, I just want to get rid of that antipope and set up a new one (I'm gonna keep doing it until you give me my arbitrarily defined pointless accolade, game, don't you think I won't!), but I can't see a way to do it without incurring tyranny, and that's kind of a, you know, not elegant way to do it.

FartGhost
Mar 7, 2013

I think I'm the Boltons but in Russia. :stare:

Pakled
Aug 6, 2011

WE ARE SMART

Civilized Fishbot posted:

According to Paradox, "next week you'll know more" about the next expansion to CK2, which will "allow you to reign supreme from a brand new setting."

Posted on their Facebook page

CK2 would be a great engine for a Romance of the Three Kingdoms type game.

jellycat
Nov 5, 2012

it's a nice day
It took me until just now to realize the Craven icon is an ostrich sticking its head in the sand.

DrSunshine
Mar 23, 2009

Did I just say that out loud~~?!!!

jellycat posted:

It took me until just now to realize the Craven icon is an ostrich sticking its head in the sand.

OHHH!!! So that's what it is. I never had a clue and really never took the time to scrutinize it.

monster on a stick
Apr 29, 2013

FartGhost posted:

I think I'm the Boltons but in Russia. :stare:



If you were the Boltons, there'd be a "that's my girl!" option.

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

Okay, what's the quickest way to raise MA for Norse? I had enough MA to reform it, but by the time I had the piety, it went low again.

DStecks
Feb 6, 2012

Things I had to learn the hard way: don't give land in Iberia to holy orders unless you're 100% positive you can immediately vassalize them.

As King of Navarra, One of my relatives was next in line to become headmaster of the Templars. I'd just retaken Molina from the Muslims, so I figured I could give it to them, then vassalize them once my cousin was headmaster. Then he suddenly wasn't the heir anymore.

Fast forward 200 years, and the Templars control all of southern Iberia. And by Southern Iberia, I mean the southern 2/3rds of Iberia. And then Pisa wins the Second Crusade for Jerusalem. And then Pisa, as the crusade winner is wont to do, vassalizes the Templars. So now Pisa controls most of Iberia, along with the south of Italy and Jerusalem, and are pretty much establishing themselves as the Third Goddamn Rome. And I'm less than 100 years from the game ending, with fabricating claims as the only way to push Pisa out.

YouTuber
Jul 31, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

Robindaybird posted:

Okay, what's the quickest way to raise MA for Norse? I had enough MA to reform it, but by the time I had the piety, it went low again.

When raiding just siege the provinces, when the Churchs are razed move on. Otherwise help any prepared invasions by others and subjugate any lone provinces with emphasis on your Holy Sites.

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

YouTuber posted:

When raiding just siege the provinces, when the Churchs are razed move on. Otherwise help any prepared invasions by others and subjugate any lone provinces with emphasis on your Holy Sites.

been trying to find good raiding targets that isn't going to get my armies crushed, I'll have to look a little farther afield.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

DStecks posted:

Fast forward 200 years, and the Templars control all of southern Iberia. And by Southern Iberia, I mean the southern 2/3rds of Iberia. And then Pisa wins the Second Crusade for Jerusalem. And then Pisa, as the crusade winner is wont to do, vassalizes the Templars. So now Pisa controls most of Iberia, along with the south of Italy and Jerusalem, and are pretty much establishing themselves as the Third Goddamn Rome. And I'm less than 100 years from the game ending, with fabricating claims as the only way to push Pisa out.

Pisa can go to hell. Feels like any game where they aren't stomped on hard, they go nuts all over the Mediterranean.

Cluncho McChunk
Aug 16, 2010

An informational void capable only of creating noise

So, I'm currently playing a random-gen shattered world and have become the Shia Caliph Sultan of Mauretania. A couple of years ago I imprisoned one of my wives because she tried to poison my First Wife, and now I get this:

(Click for big)


The other options are, from top to bottom:

Sultana Faghissa: Caliph Ziri: Is executed. I'm not sure if this means my wife the prisoner, or me the person sending myself a letter gets executed.

Gain 323.4 gold and release the prisoner. This is the one I chose and just gave me free money for no cost.

Or just threatening myself to not send any more letters to me.

Gotta love some of the little bugs in this game

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Tevery Best
Oct 11, 2013

Hewlo Furriend

quote:

Pisa can go to hell. Feels like any game where they aren't stomped on hard, they go nuts all over the Mediterranean.

In my last game, they conquered pretty much the entirety of Italy and had a lot of holdings scattered all around the Med, and at some point they went Cathar and pretty much smashed Aquitaine to bits. It was really scary, they could take out crusades aimed at them pretty much solo.

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