2014 NFL Draft

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No Safe Word: Feb 26, 2005

Doltos posted:

Yeah.

I'm trying to think of a good alliteration that would take the place of Blake, which you're all insane for thinking isn't a great name to pair with Bortles, and I can't think of one. Bertrand Bortles would be an absolutely terrible halfback that gets taken in the third round. Barry Bortles would be a relief pitcher for the Royals back in 1986. Benny Bortles would of course be a heroin addicted saxophonist.

I'm at a loss here.

Brick Bortles clearly

# ? Jan 23, 2014 21:54

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# ? May 27, 2024 10:07

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Brock Bortles
Brian Bortles
Bart Bortles
Burt Bortles

# ? Jan 23, 2014 21:55

Bigass Moth: Mar 6, 2004; I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...

Reminder that the Browns only sent their assistant GM Ray Farmer to scout the senior bowl. Farmer is also currently the top candidate for the GM job in Miami. Michael Lombardi couldn't be bothered to attend and plans to draft based on NCAA 14 OVR ratings.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 21:56

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

I can't even laugh at the Browns anymore :smith:

Well maybe a little

# ? Jan 23, 2014 21:56

Doltos: Dec 28, 2005; 🤌🤌🤌

Intruder posted:

Brock Bortles
Brian Bortles
Bart Bortles
Burt Bortles

Brock Bortles - Good, can't believe I didn't think of this.
Brian Bortles - Really bad white WR from a directional Michigan.
Bart Bortles - Doesn't exist. No one in the world would ever combine these two names.
Burt Bortles - Children show puppet.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 21:58

GOOD TIMES ON METH: Mar 17, 2006; Fun Shoe

If your team has a narrow lead and the clock ticks down to zero during a play do you:

1) Attempt to tackle the ballcarrier to end the game
2) Take off your helmet and throw it in celebration

# ? Jan 23, 2014 21:58

Doltos: Dec 28, 2005; 🤌🤌🤌

Goetta posted:

If your team has a narrow lead and the clock ticks down to zero during a play do you:

1) Attempt to tackle the ballcarrier to end the game
2) Take off your helmet and throw it in celebration

Trick question, the Browns wouldn't have a narrow lead at any point in the game.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:02

nerve: Jan 2, 2011; SKA SUCKS

I think Brett Hundley is a really good QB name

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:07

Relentlessboredomm: Oct 15, 2006; It's Sic Semper Tyrannis. You said, "Ever faithful terrible lizard."

Shrimpy posted:

I didn't see this posted anywhere in the thread:

https://twitter.com/OmarKelly/status/426094431133908992

This is actually a small twist on a question that used to be a part of creativity tests. I remember reading about it at some point. It was an alternate method of intelligence testing as opposed to strict IQ tests. For instance the question they posed was "What uses does a brick have?" They'd get geniuses who'd answer with a brick's strictly utilitarian uses like building things but then you'd get responses like these:

Throwing through windows, holding down a picnic blanket, propping up a broken coffee table, door stop, parking brake for my car, weapon, as a weight to sink things in water, bug smasher, level, seed starter for plants, fireplace, bottle opener, drink stand when outside, test gravity, noise maker, nut cracker, and so on

It's a fun thought experiment but I don't know how useful it is.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:10

Alaois: Feb 7, 2012

Chuckie Keeton is the best QB name, a hard C/K in both names, "Keeton'd" has potential as a verb, and I would not think twice about seeing "Charles Keeton" in the sign-in book of a country club.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:13

TheChirurgeon: Aug 7, 2002; Remember how good you are; Taco Defender

Intruder posted:

Brock Bortles
Brian Bortles
Bart Bortles
Burt Bortles

Bort Bortles

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:16

Parmesan Basil: Nov 12, 2008; TIME IS THE FIRE IN WHICH WE BURN THE GAME CLOCK

TheChirurgeon posted:

Bort Bortles

This is a Star Wars alien name

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:17

Doltos: Dec 28, 2005; 🤌🤌🤌

nerve posted:

I think Brett Hundley is a really good QB name

It is but it's kind of like a John Elway or Russel Wilson where you assume he's a baseball player first.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:20

No Safe Word: Feb 26, 2005

I mean in terms of all-time great QB names, Colt McCoy has to be near the top of anybody's list.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:25

bhsman: Feb 10, 2008; by exmarx

Intruder posted:

Brock Bortles
Brian Bortles
Bart Bortles
Burt Bortles

All of these are an immediate upgrade over Blake. Blake is a lovely name. There, I said it. :colbert:

nerve posted:

I think Brett Hundley is a really good QB name

Brett is a given, but Hundley sounds like a Senator's last name. He's also a pretty awesome dude, as evidenced from that piece ESPN did on his teammate dying. :unsmith:

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:26

Shangri-Law School: Feb 19, 2013

Quarterback names by Super Bowl wins. Johnny is clearly the way to go.

code:

Name	Wins	Losses	Pct.
Joe	7	2	78%
Terry	4	0	100%
Troy	3	0	100%
Tom	3	2	60%
Jim	3	4	43%
Bart	2	0	100%
Eli	2	0	100%
Ben	2	1	67%
Bob	2	1	67%
Roger	2	2	50%
John	2	3	40%
Aaron	1	0	100%
Brad	1	0	100%
Doug	1	0	100%
Jeff	1	0	100%
Johnny	1	0	100%
Mark	1	0	100%
Phil	1	0	100%
Trent	1	0	100%
Brett	1	1	50%
Drew	1	1	50%
Ken	1	1	50%
Len	1	1	50%
Peyton	1	1	50%
Steve	1	1	50%
Kurt	1	2	33%
Billy	0	1	0%
Boomer	0	1	0%
Chris	0	1	0%
Colin	0	1	0%
Dan	0	1	0%
Daryle	0	1	0%
David	0	1	0%
Donovan	0	1	0%
Earl	0	1	0%
Jake	0	1	0%
Kerry	0	1	0%
Matt	0	1	0%
Neil	0	1	0%
Rex	0	1	0%
Rich	0	1	0%
Ron	0	1	0%
Stan	0	1	0%
Tony	0	1	0%
Vince	0	1	0%
Craig	0	2	0%
Fran	0	3	0%

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:38

No Safe Word: Feb 26, 2005

All 4 of those Jim losses are Jim Kelly. Goddamn.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:40

Doltos: Dec 28, 2005; 🤌🤌🤌

No Safe Word posted:

All 4 of those Jim losses are Jim Kelly. Goddamn.

Really lovely name too.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:41

nerve: Jan 2, 2011; SKA SUCKS

Craig and Fran at the bottom is the least surprising thing

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:41

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

I don't see how Earl isn't a great quarterback name

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:42

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

No Safe Word posted:

All 4 of those Jim losses are Jim Kelly. Goddamn.

Poor Fran Tarkenton also

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:43

Doltos: Dec 28, 2005; 🤌🤌🤌

Declan MacManus posted:

I don't see how Earl isn't a great quarterback name

Too hick. Might as well name your QB Eanis or Billy Joe.

Earl is a great HB, LB, or FB name though, which reminds me of my #1 most appropriate name of all time.

Mack Strong.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:44

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Billy Joe Tolliver was a great QB name gently caress off with that :mad:

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:45

excidium: Oct 24, 2004; Tambahawk Soars

Benny Bortles would probably be a terrible quarterback but a really funny dude.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:46

Doltos: Dec 28, 2005; 🤌🤌🤌

Intruder posted:

Billy Joe Tolliver was a great QB name gently caress off with that

Fun fact the Saints had not one but two QBs named Billy Joe on the same roster for two consecutive years.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:48

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Dan is the best QB name

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:49

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Unless you want to win a Superbowl

Who is the non-Brees Drew? I have a feeling I'm going to kick myself when someone answers

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:50

StupidSexyMothman: Aug 9, 2010

Doltos posted:

A good QB last name needs to have a hard K or C sound, be incredibly long, or have the last name also be a word. Like Warren Moon or Andrew Luck. In addition, a good QB last name should also look like it could be ran through a golf club's vetting process without gaining red flags.

Busts: Manziel, Bortles, Boyd, Fales, Thomas

Studs: Bridgewater, Garropolo, Mettenberger, Carr, McCarron, Lynch, Franklin

Seems legit.

E: gently caress we're on first names now

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:51

GNU Order: Feb 28, 2011; That's a paddlin'

The answer to the Bortles name dilemma should be either one syllable or like 4+ IMO.

Ben Bortles
Brad Bortles
Bartholomew Bortles
Beaurigard B. Bortles

I could even go for like BJ Bortles

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:51

GNU Order: Feb 28, 2011; That's a paddlin'

Intruder posted:

Unless you want to win a Superbowl

Who is the non-Brees Drew? I have a feeling I'm going to kick myself when someone answers

Bledsoe

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:51

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

^^ Yup I was right, kicking myself

BJ Bortles is a point guard for some lovely junior college

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:52

Doltos: Dec 28, 2005; 🤌🤌🤌

oldskool posted:

Busts: Manziel, Bortles, Boyd, Fales, Thomas

Studs: Bridgewater, Garropolo, Mettenberger, Carr, McCarron, Lynch, Franklin

Seems legit.

E: gently caress we're on first names now

Bortles is a stud. Garropolo isn't because his name ends in a vowel and no self-respecting country club would let in an Italian. Fales is perhaps the most unfortunate name you can give a QB.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:52

DupaDupa: May 21, 2009; I'm Samurai Mike
I stop 'em cold.

Props to BJ Bortles for the potential to be two verbs in one name.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:52

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Doltos posted:

Bortles is a stud. Garropolo isn't because his name ends in a vowel and no self-respecting country club would let in an Italian. Fales is perhaps the most unfortunate name you can give a QB.

Losman has been topped!

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:53

nerve: Jan 2, 2011; SKA SUCKS

Doug Williams might be the worst SB winning QB name.

Mark Rypien is also basically Journeyman QB: The Name.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:54

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

bhsman posted:

All of these are an immediate upgrade over Blake. Blake is a lovely name. There, I said it.

Yeah this is a pretty clear 'roll with your middle name' scenario we're talking about here

What the gently caress is his middle name anyway my google-fu (and wikipedia) fails me

# ? Jan 23, 2014 22:56