|
Man,  up in here.FrozenVent, get your rear end to an Alanon meeting or listen to some Loveline or Dr. Drew podcasts, 'cause you're playing the family protector role hard.
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 20:11
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 16, 2024 13:12 |
|
|
Persona non grata posted:Therefor, he deserves everything terrible that will happen to him, and you shouldn't stand in the way of the divinely guided suffering coming his way. You're not even allowed to feel bad for him because he made bad choices, and people who make bad choices aren't worthy of empathy. The sinner must repent.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 20:25
|
|
|
Jeffrey posted:Don't act like some noble protector of the weak from capitalism because you think his idiot brother's drinking should be paid for on his family's dime. Quite the opposite actually. I was high and mighty about helping my unemployed brother and mother. A few years later I lost my job and was in a situation where I had to ask them for help. I've been on both sides and I can tell you that I regret deeply the way I treated my family in their time of need.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 20:26
|
|
|
Persona non grata posted:Quite the opposite actually. I was high and mighty about helping my unemployed brother and mother. A few years later I lost my job and was in a situation where I had to ask them for help. I've been on both sides and I can tell you that I regret deeply the way I treated my family in their time of need.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 20:35
|
|
|
Cicero posted:I don't think anyone here has said, "don't give money to family, ever". This thread is a Norton Anthology of stories who's moral is exactly that.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 20:38
|
|
|
So, FrozenVent, are your folks codependent with each other, or do they simply form a unit that is codependent with your brother?
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 20:41
|
|
|
Persona non grata posted:This thread is a Norton Anthology of stories who's moral is exactly that. You sound like you're identifying pretty heavily with the deadbeat brother, here. I've given money to my worse-off siblings many times, mostly out of some sick irrational guilt that I have from being the only one out of four "who made it". It took me a long time to realize that my good fortune wasn't luck, and that all of us were essentially given the same upbringing and resources. However, growing up I consistently made a lot of really good decisions and still continue to do so...and my siblings have consistently made bad decisions and show no signs of changing their ways, despite my supportive advice and helpful little pushes in the right direction. What I realized about my siblings is that they'd rather blame Mom and Dad and the "system" for their problems, instead of doing what they need to do to make poo poo better for themselves. My sister especially was bad about hitting me up for cash, one year I swear I helped her with rent every month and took her out to dinner once a week just so I knew she was getting a good meal once in a while. But soon I realized that she had terrible spending habits, and she was making way more per month than she needed to cover her living expenses she was just being a retard because she knew I'd bail her out. poo poo got real when I found out that she was also hitting both our grandmas up for cash monthly, and hitting our mom up too. This chick was working everyone she knew she could manipulate into bankrolling her out of familial guilt. Calvanist? Whatever bro, see you down at Occupy when it gets warm again.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 20:51
|
|
|
Persona non grata posted:This thread is a Norton Anthology of stories who's moral is exactly that.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 20:57
|
|
|
How the gently caress did we get fm "my deadbeat brother won't make rent" to alcoholism and codependency? Jesus people, find a hobby or something. He's worked something out with the landlord, for the record. FrozenVent fucked around with this message at 22:09 on Feb 1, 2014 |
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 21:31
|
|
|
FrozenVent posted:How the gently caress did we get fm "my deadbeat brother won't make rent" to alcoholism and codependency? Jesus people, find a hobby or something. For the record, for the record, the situation objectively reeks of a codependent mess, that's how.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 21:56
|
|
|
If my sister asked for money, I'd probably give it to her over my disabled father having to sacrifice something because he probably will. :/
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 22:05
|
|
|
Aerofallosov posted:If my sister asked for money, I'd probably give it to her over my disabled father having to sacrifice something because he probably will. :/ I don't want to debate this too much because it's hard to be objective when family is involved, but it's not that simple. The sibling will continue to hit either you or the parents up for money as long as nobody sets decent boundaries and refuses her. Why change your behavior if you're getting what you want? Everybody is responsible for only their own actions, and therefore for setting their own boundaries. You can't fix your sibling's mooching—you can only refuse to participate. And you can't prevent your parents from giving them money either—that's on them. Sucks, and it's hard to let go of that perceived control, but it's either protect yourself or subject yourself to other people's bullshit.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 22:11
|
|
|
So here's a bad with money story from a friend of my girlfriend. She is currently dating a firefighter (scratch: firefighter in training) who: - is 36 - has never had a job longer than 3 months - lives in a basement at his mom's house - is 20,000 dollars in debt - married with kids (but going through divorce for the past year, he never sees the kids) And she loans him 300 dollars a week to help him get through firefighter training, which has been going on for the past 6 months.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2014 22:52
|
|
|
My mother used to be horrible with money, and would spend it on pot and pills to get high with. She was also on Disability, so she didn't have a lot of income to begin with. So, she'd call, needing money for 'bills'. I used to continually say 'no'. But, a couple of times, I called her bluff. If it's for 'bills', send me the bill, and the money goes directly to the billpayer. She didn't like it one bit, but after a few weeks, I got a heating bill in the mail. She would also call in the meantime begging for cash, and I'd reiterate my terms - I get a bill in the mail and I pay them directly, or nothing. But when her $200 heating bill came, it got paid off by me the next day. While I shouldn't have to pay for her electricity or basic phone line at times, it at least insured that the money went to the people she said that it'd go to. It was a compromise I was willing to make, and I only had to do it a couple of times.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 02:18
|
|
|
Qu Appelle posted:My mother used to be horrible with money, and would spend it on pot and pills to get high with. She was also on Disability, so she didn't have a lot of income to begin with. An enterprising person might have kept sending you bills while spending that money pot and pills. Money by proxy, if you will, but it's a good thing that never happened.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 02:29
|
|
|
OneWhoKnows posted:An enterprising person might have kept sending you bills while spending that money pot and pills. Money by proxy, if you will, but it's a good thing that never happened. Yeah, I did think of that. I made it abundantly clear that this was a 'once in a great while' thing, and she only took advantage of it a couple of times. Basically, as soon as she hit a roadblock like this, she'd start hitting up other relatives instead.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 02:44
|
|
|
If I were thinking of offering to help someone with bills because they spend them on drugs, I'd be tempted to offer it conditional on controlling all their spending. Any checks they get go to my account and I'll be fair and pay their bills and give them money for specific things. No adult would be likely to accept that arrangement but it would at least clear my conscience to some degree. I'm not sure if there is a great answer really but that situation sounds infuriating.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 02:59
|
|
|
Jeffrey posted:If I were thinking of offering to help someone with bills because they spend them on drugs, I'd be tempted to offer it conditional on controlling all their spending. Any checks they get go to my account and I'll be fair and pay their bills and give them money for specific things. No adult would be likely to accept that arrangement but it would at least clear my conscience to some degree. I'm not sure if there is a great answer really but that situation sounds infuriating. It was really hard, because she was also two time zones away. It's a moot point now, as she passed away a few years ago, and it was something that my therapist and I implemented only in the last couple years of her life. It was actually the therapist's idea to begin with, and I decided to go along with it after a lot of thought. It definitely wasn't willy nilly.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 03:08
|
|
|
Qu Appelle posted:It was really hard, because she was also two time zones away. It's a moot point now, as she passed away a few years ago, and it was something that my therapist and I implemented only in the last couple years of her life. It was actually the therapist's idea to begin with, and I decided to go along with it after a lot of thought. It definitely wasn't willy nilly. I've lost two family members in the past 3 years. I wanted to cut all ties when they were still around but now I just feel like an rear end in a top hat. I'll never get rid of that feeling. Anyway - family money issues are tough. Can we shift to more ridiculous stories? My coworker is a unique guy. His hour commute means he "works remote" (read: do nothing) every Friday. The working remotely thing was only supposed to be once every few weeks in the summer during slow periods. Pretty soon he's going to make it so we all get our privileges revoked. Guy likes to repeatedly tell me how lucky I am to have such a short commute. I pay 3 times his rent for half the space to live in the city. Nothing lucky about it - he makes about the same as I do. He also doesn't believe in the stock market. "It's just a bunch of made up numbers - backed up by lies printed on paper" (he was a business major in college). So he doesn't participate in either the 401K or the stock purchase program (which provides a discount on purchased stock!!). I pointed out that he could still invest in the 401k but leave his money out of the stock market as we have a money market option AND get the company match. Nope. He wants to quit soon. He's going to invest in house flippers because it's NO RISK BRO and live off the interest. It's no risk because its a physical asset unlike the SCAM STOCK MARKET. His girlfriend/fiancee (they've been engaged for a few years with no wedding in sight) is also going to quit her job and day trade options. I've started saving some of our more ridiculous conversations.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 03:35
|
|
|
Stocks are made up numbers backed by lies, but options? Those are the real poo poo.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 03:48
|
|
|
Options are a made up way to trade the made up stocks, making it totally real. It works like a double-negative.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 04:04
|
|
|
Lowness 72 posted:He wants to quit soon. He's going to invest in house flippers because it's NO RISK BRO and live off the interest. It's no risk because its a physical asset unlike the SCAM STOCK MARKET. His girlfriend/fiancee (they've been engaged for a few years with no wedding in sight) is also going to quit her job and day trade options. I was kind of surprised at how Bernstein constantly wrote the "risk and reward are intrinsically linked" thing over and over again, I thought that was just common knowledge. But I guess not everyone feels that way. 
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 05:14
|
|
|
I would actually think that a better option would be for that guy to become a landlord. It seems like if he is a decent hands on type if he is going to flip houses, this would be pretty good. It seems like a lot of them live in duplexes on one side and rent out the other one to start, then slowly buy more and more properties.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 08:00
|
|
|
TLG James posted:I would actually think that a better option would be for that guy to become a landlord. It seems like if he is a decent hands on type if he is going to flip houses, this would be pretty good. It seems like a lot of them live in duplexes on one side and rent out the other one to start, then slowly buy more and more properties. No no no you don't understand. He doesn't do the flipping. He gives money to the flippers. He wants to live off the interest from the flipper loans he gives out. But these aren't like nice houses or anything. It's like a converted double wide in Alabama. He also doesn't have money himself so he has to get it from the bank which he then loans out at a higher rate.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 14:41
|
|
|
That's straight up loan sharking. You'd have to be an almost incomprehensible retard to even entertain conversation with someone thinking such a thing. Cut all contact with this person, they can only make you dumber.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 15:21
|
|
|
We're a two man team. I just smile and nod.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 16:09
|
|
|
Half the point of real estate investing is the leverage you get from a mortgage anyway, it's not like real estate gets you great yearly returns.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 17:09
|
|
|
.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2014 21:13
|
|
|
Quoted from the wrestling picture thread...Lid posted:NFL_Access
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2014 08:08
|
|
|
Say Nothing posted:Quoted from the wrestling picture thread... This was not real.
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2014 08:53
|
|
|
TLG James posted:This was not real.
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2014 09:36
|
|
|
Ok I got a decent one. One of my roommates is atrociously bad with money. It started when he went to an art school in San Francisco and racked up 40k in private student loans and didn't even finish his degree. He makes a decent amount a year, but just blows his money on poo poo all. the. time. For example, when he decided he needed a new computer (for some reason, I asked him what he needed an upgrade for and he never did more than mumble) he opened a new credit card and immediately maxed it out. Woop! Another good one, he got an unexpected Christmas bonus of about $1000~ dollars, and he was saying things like: "oh man I can get you guys Xmas gifts now... And I could put some away so I can always pay rent on time!" I said the second one was a great idea, as he never puts money away for rent and he gets paid on the 15th, when rent is due. It's super aggravating because we can never pay on time because of it, but our landlord doesn't mind it being a day late. But Jesus dude... Plan ahead. Anyway, so he paid rent early for December for the first time ever. Cue later that week, I come home and he's showing off a handgun to our other roommate. Oh! I guess we won't be doing that whole "pay rent on time" thing after all since he just bought a $450 dollar handgun on impulse. Great. Awesome. He also refuses to get his ADD medication again for god knows what reason and it's seriously draining. Every light or tv left on, his heater in his room runs constantly. I only calculated the cost this week, but his heater and dumbass is probably costing an extra $90 bucks a month. Ughh.
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2014 17:09
|
|
|
Your Dead Gay Son posted:He also refuses to get his ADD medication again for god knows what reason and it's seriously draining. Every light or tv left on, his heater in his room runs constantly. I only calculated the cost this week, but his heater and dumbass is probably costing an extra $90 bucks a month. Heh, let's ask people who have bad impulse control and trouble scheduling to regularly take medications to battle this, all while poor scheduling and impulse control get in the way of battling the symptoms. It took me a few years of regular medication for ADD to wean off the poor impulse control and to teach me the basics of financial management. At 36, I am almost debt-free for the first time in my adult life. So the best you can do for your roommate is help him take his meds.
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2014 20:03
|
|
|
Keetron posted:Heh, let's ask people who have bad impulse control and trouble scheduling to regularly take medications to battle this, all while poor scheduling and impulse control get in the way of battling the symptoms. I have man, I have it too. I've pretty much done everything except set up an appointment and drive him to the doctor. He was medicated earlier this year but can't be arsed to set up another appointment.
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2014 20:35
|
|
|
Your Dead Gay Son posted:I have man, I have it too. I've pretty much done everything except set up an appointment and drive him to the doctor. He was medicated earlier this year but can't be arsed to set up another appointment. Also you and I then know both that he will learn after a while only if the consequences hit him hard. Let's hope he get's kicked out soon because he did not pay the rent and cannot use his condition as an excuse as you seem to cope fine. Nothing will teach you to change your ways like a bit of homelessness or hunger pangs and I am talking out of experience here.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2014 08:55
|
|
|
My roommate should be in this thread. He's a cool guy but he has something ridiculous like 15k in credit card debt and 40k in student loans and he's in his mid 30s. He constantly orders stuff on amazon or deal sites, usually at a great price but he has no need for it (pretty much every other day there's a box from amazon on our doorstep). Last year he bought a sports car, getting quite a good deal on it but still it was another 20kish debt to pile on top of what he already owes. So now he has something around 75k debt that he makes minimum payments on (this is with a job that he makes around 60k a year). He's often late on his half of the utilities/bills (usually paying me back when he gets his first paycheck of the month), even going so far as being an entire month late last year.
|
|
#
?
Feb 7, 2014 17:05
|
|
|
My bad with money roommate does the same thing. I swear to god there's a package from amazon or china every single day for him. Man...
|
|
#
?
Feb 7, 2014 23:06
|
|
|
I had a neighbor who used to order a lot of packages, and they'd pile up in the lobby. They moved out...but didn't bother to cancel their weekly organic food delivery. After a couple of days, I told the landlord that it was there, about to rot, and the people who ordered it were obviously never going to eat it. She gave me and my roomie permission to take it all, instead of it sitting there to rot, as she tried contacting the previous tenant, to no avail. The dairy obviously spoiled, but we feasted on organic vegetables and bread for a month. Thanks, neglectful neighbor!
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 00:27
|
|
|
I'm always amazed at how bad people are at updating their address for things after they've moved. I've had numerous instances of receiving kind of important stuff from old tenants for MONTHS after they're gone. Like bank/credit card statements, phone bills, medical records/bills, car insurance, etc. Like... how do you just neglect that kind of stuff for months on end?
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 01:17
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 16, 2024 13:12 |
|
|
I moved in to replace a girl in this house last May. We have all three of her W-2 forms.
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 01:24
|
|
