Sochi 2014 Megathread 1: Grovergrad - OoOo* - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Sochi 2014 Megathread 1: Grovergrad - OoOo*

StashAugustine: Mar 24, 2013; Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

Phlegmish posted:

D&D communists are probably gloating over this 'failure of free market capitalism'. And unlike Indians, Russians are white so they aren't getting any help from SJWs either.

I am starting to feel a little bad for them

at everyone blaming capitalism cause they hosed up communism too
maybe russia is just hilariously corrupt

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:53

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 12:32

AARP LARPer: Feb 19, 2005; THE DARK SIDE OF SCIENCE BREEDS A WEAPON OF WAR; Buglord

No, Rafalca! Is winter olympics!

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:53

ChickenHeart: Nov 28, 2007; Take me at your own risk.; Kiss From a Hog

Seoinin posted:

please no flush toilets on floors 5, 7, 19, and 23. may cause buffer overflow and replace sky with grass texture. need hard reboot to resolve, very expesnive.

There is known memory leak involving wild dog programming; allowing multiple dogs to bark at fences will cause slow performance and possible lock-ups at Olympics. Suggest smothering all nearby dogs until hotfix is released.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:53

QuickbreathFinisher: Sep 28, 2008; by reading this post you have agreed to form a gay socialist micronation.
`

happyhippy posted:

"I'll have Olympic Venues for 400 please."

"This venue had no foreign visitors, you couldn't poo poo in toilets, wiped out the local populace and economic area, and even had cameras in the bathrooms"

"What is Sochi."

"Correct"

"I'll have Olympic Venues for 1000 please."

"I won 50 Gold Medals at the Sochi Olympics."

"gently caress knows, who cares".

"Oooh, sorry, no. The correct answer was 'Who is Batyr the stray?'"

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:54

Crewmine: Apr 26, 2012

StashAugustine posted:

at everyone blaming capitalism cause they hosed up communism too
maybe russia is just hilariously corrupt

Sochi was very nice place under communism. Why you think so many dogs decide to live there?

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:54

Tsaedje: May 11, 2007; BRAWNY BUTTONS 4 LYFE

It's OK, when the games finish they've got until the middle of October to build an entire F1 circuit and facilities and poison any remaining dogs

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:54

Phlegmish: Jul 2, 2011

StashAugustine posted:

at everyone blaming capitalism cause they hosed up communism too
maybe russia is just hilariously corrupt

one could argue they were surprisingly good at communism since it took seventy years for it to collapse, which will probably remain the all-time world record for a communist regime

e: they were a global superpower during most of this period, too

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:55

paranoid randroid: Mar 4, 2007

Attention Sochi Patrons: bug in bill pay system has caused Olympic Grounds to revert to control of hostile dog faction. please use caution when leaving buildings. we roll out hotfix ASAP.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:56

ILL ON PZONES: Oct 13, 2013

Those dogs are pros. They should start a country called Dogestan.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:56

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Phlegmish posted:

one could argue they were surprisingly good at communism since it took seventy years for it to collapse, which will probably remain the all-time world record for a communist regime

e: they were a global superpower during most of this period, too

North Korea has 10 years before they win the crown

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:56

Crewmine: Apr 26, 2012

Toad on a Hat posted:

North Korea has 10 years before they win the crown

isn't north korea just a monarchy with red stars

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:58

AARP LARPer: Feb 19, 2005; THE DARK SIDE OF SCIENCE BREEDS A WEAPON OF WAR; Buglord

Children's ski jump... is closed!

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:58

QuickbreathFinisher: Sep 28, 2008; by reading this post you have agreed to form a gay socialist micronation.
`

I cannot wait to see how creative the channels covering this have to get with their editing to make this not look like an abandoned fairground taken over by sentient wild dogs.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:58

Phlegmish: Jul 2, 2011

Toad on a Hat posted:

North Korea has 10 years before they win the crown

congratz north korea for dialectically bringing about the utopian classless society

u get this Karl Marx smileyface sticker

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:58

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

Rambling Robot posted:

I feel for the people of Sochi.

When all this is over their city will look like an abandoned amusement park/pet cemetery.

Problem is this is it BEFORE the abandonment. I can't wait for it after.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 20:59

A Buttery Pastry: Sep 4, 2011; Delicious and Informative!

Toad on a Hat posted:

North Korea has 10 years before they win the crown

North Korea's political system is legitimately a legacy of Japanese WW2 "fascism", which got a Stalinist paint-job after the war.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:00

Al Nipper: May 7, 2008; by XyloJW

Ahahahaha holy poo poo

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:00

AARP LARPer: Feb 19, 2005; THE DARK SIDE OF SCIENCE BREEDS A WEAPON OF WAR; Buglord

Is thirsty work killing dog

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:01

The Taint Reaper: Sep 4, 2012; by Shine

Sochi Bochies motherfuckers!

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:01

Nenonen: Oct 22, 2009; Mulla on aina kolkyt donaa taskussa

A Buttery Pastry posted:

Yeah, that's some good stuff. Apparently, marmalade is the one thing Russians won't skimp on.

Among other things, Russians put marmalade in their tea. Not sure if quality marmelade really stands out in that usage, though.

Unfortunately the marmalades have already been taken away from the breakfast buffet after surveillance cameras recorded a western visitor attempting to sabotage the Olympic games by smearing marmalade all over their bodies to make dogs attack them.

this little bastard posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEnj3lBENQc

I... I would rather sleep in a cold tent surrounded by stray dogs than in that ~~building~~ ~~structure~~ pile of cinder blocks.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:01

Phlegmish: Jul 2, 2011

that looks like beer, even tons of it won't give them a buzz, russians are used to chugging entire bottles of vodka

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:02

01011001: Dec 26, 2012

i assume its just because its guaranteed to be cleaner than drinking water

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:04

Demora: Aug 13, 2004; It wouldn't be the Enterprise without a Sulu at the helm

I would like to talk to you today about packs of wild, stray dogs controlling most major cities.

Also, chew Big Red Gum or gently caress you.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:05

The Droid: Jun 11, 2012

At this rate all the terrorists would need are one or two sings of a sledgehammer instead of bombs.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:05

unlimited shrimp: Aug 30, 2008

Do Not Resuscitate posted:

serious photo: stray dog wanders onto official cross-country trail

Give this dog the gold.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:05

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Phlegmish posted:

congratz north korea for dialectically bringing about the utopian classless society

u get this Karl Marx smileyface sticker

also your family is now in a labor camp because you wore it on the wrong side of your shirt

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:05

Toadsniff: Apr 10, 2006; Fire Down Below: Crab Company 2

Do Not Resuscitate posted:

Children's ski jump... is closed!

I love that the fence also has spikes on top, because you'll need to impale those kids going 20mph to actually put them down finally. No room for error in elimination of children from village.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:06

smilingfish: Sep 18, 2012; fuck you i am smart

I am from Atlanta.

Thanks Sochi, you made us look good by comparison.

At least we had potable water and flushable toilets in 1996.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:06

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

The Droid posted:

At this rate all the terrorists would need are one or two sings of a sledgehammer instead of bombs.

A crowd cheering nearby could bring it down.

And if anything does collapse, how much you want to be it will be terrorists and their silent but deadly bombs.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:07

Ekster: Jul 18, 2013

So how did the russians defeat the germans in WW2 again. Or have a succesful space program.

'cause it doesn't compute. :psyduck:

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:09

MS Paint: Sep 21, 2007; Can't post for 10 years!

Ekster posted:

So how did the russians defeat the germans in WW2 again. Or have a succesful space program.

'cause it doesn't compute.

human sacrifice.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:09

Fojar38: Sep 2, 2011; Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia

also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

Phlegmish posted:

D&D communists are probably gloating over this 'failure of free market capitalism'. And unlike Indians, Russians are white so they aren't getting any help from SJWs either.

I am starting to feel a little bad for them

you dont even need to go to d&d

Tezzor posted:

here's a scandal under capitalism: high-level journalists are traveling to russia to get paid for reporting on completely irrelevant events and their free lunches and free hotel rooms are kind of bad!

Tezzor posted:

so yeah i, a high-level corporate functionary, am whisked across the planet so i can get reserved seating at exclusive events where i am paid $10,000 a week plus a per diem to "report" on events of no relevance, but i dont know if you can believe this but my free hotel room has bare walls and the router is hanging out of the wall! someone call human rights watch

Lucy Heartfilia posted:

sochi - a triumph of capitalism!

Ardennes posted:

The Sochi Olympics are the most capitalist thing possible, if anything people are pissed how capitalism has made Russia even worse.

Btw, all the corruption in Sochi is going to come out of general public funds most likely which means the entire country is going to suffer.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:10

A Buttery Pastry: Sep 4, 2011; Delicious and Informative!

Ekster posted:

So how did the russians defeat the germans in WW2 again. Or have a succesful space program.

'cause it doesn't compute.

Leninism and Stalinism

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:10

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

The Droid posted:

At this rate all the terrorists would need are one or two sings of a sledgehammer instead of bombs.

Just like Red Faction Guerrilla!

Toadsniff posted:

I love that the fence also has spikes on top, because you'll need to impale those kids going 20mph to actually put them down finally. No room for error in elimination of children from village.

Vagrant child is worse than wild dog! Ho ho ho I here all week

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:10

Thundercracker: Jun 25, 2004; Proudly serving the Ruinous Powers since as a veteran of the long war.; College Slice

Luvcow posted:

Reminder that we in the u.s. are little better.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Dig

My proud state of Massachusetts blew $14.6 billion dollars to build a tunnel that promised to cut 15 minutes off our commute. In the heart of a one party state (democrat and sadly I lean left) the public was bilked for billions of dollars so people's kids could get cushy bullshit jobs working in the offices of their families construction companies while the actual construction workers got screwed over by Massachusetts proud crime families who forced works to work for substandard pay, forgoe overtime and often not receive the meager pay they had been promised.

Fast forward and their have been structural failures that have caused death to people mearly driving through and has had little to no effect on commuter times.

I lived in Boston, and still cannot navigate the Big Dig without GPS. It really has to driven on to be experienced. It twists and turns like the Raninbow Bridge in Mariokart.

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:10

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Ekster posted:

So how did the russians defeat the germans in WW2 again. Or have a succesful space program.

'cause it doesn't compute.

Because Hitler was a massive screwup who decided to divert forces to Kiev while at the same time attempting to invade Russia, thereby losing a few weeks before the Russian winter set in and frankly no one wins when they attempt to invade Russia.

have a link:

quote:

2. Germany's Invasion of Russia
Called Operation Barbarossa, it was the F�hrer's time to jump the shark. Seeking to fulfil Germany's "destiny" in the East, Hitler was hell-bent on claiming the vast Russian territories for himself, while purging it of both Bolshevism and other "undesirable" elements � namely Jews and slavs. Convinced it would be a walk in the park, he brushed aside military intelligence's warnings, saying, "We have only to kick in the front door and the whole rotten Russian edifice will come tumbling down." Nazi Germany, drunk on its recent success in Poland and France, and further motivated by Russia's embarrassing defeat at the hands of Finland, decided to make its fateful move.

The ensuing attack on the morning of June 22, 1941, was the largest military confrontation in human history, creating a front line that extended 1,000 miles (1,600 km) from north to south (practically the distance from Seattle to Los Angeles). At the outset, the operation involved three million Axis soldiers (across 117 army divisions), 3,580 tanks, 7,184 artillery guns, 1,830 planes, and 750,000 horses. In defense, the Russians amassed 132 army divisions, including 34 armoured divisions.

The attack, which would have been visible from space, began well. A little over two weeks in, some 300,000 Russians had been captured. But then, in a fatal miscalculation, Hitler paused to divert forces from Army Group Centre to the south towards Kiev. The delay proved disastrous, stalling the attack on Moscow and forcing the ill-equipped German troops to fight in one of the worst Russian winters ever recorded. Germany never recovered. The Wehrmacht was not able to sustain its pressure on Moscow, instead fighting, and eventually retreating, from all Russian sectors.

Historians still like to debate the issue of whether or not the German army, despite Hitler's meddlings, could have actually taken Russia. It's one of history's greatest 'what ifs.'

As for the space race, poo poo they probably stole some poo poo from us and made it work.

Seth Pecksniff fucked around with this message at 21:13 on Feb 6, 2014

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:10

i am he: Feb 4, 2014

we all friends in glorious sochi

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:12

Knitting Beetles: Feb 4, 2006; Fallen Rib

Ekster posted:

So how did the russians defeat the germans in WW2 again. Or have a succesful space program.

'cause it doesn't compute.

Tarps. It's tarps.

e:

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:12

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

Ekster posted:

So how did the russians defeat the germans in WW2 again. Or have a succesful space program.

'cause it doesn't compute.

if by "successful space program" you mean "death sentence with rockets" then you're right they sure did beat us

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:12

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 12:32

Photex: Apr 6, 2009

Nenonen posted:

I... I would rather sleep in a cold tent surrounded by stray dogs than in that ~~building~~ ~~structure~~ pile of cinder blocks.

The ladders they are standing on seem to be constructed with the same pride as the buildings. :ussr:

# ? Feb 6, 2014 21:13

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