Sochi 2014 Megathread 1: Grovergrad - OoOo* - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Sochi 2014 Megathread 1: Grovergrad - OoOo*

Doctor Butts: May 21, 2002

Greyhawk posted:

Putin: Your appointment with IOC should be finalized within the week. I've already discussed the matter with the Councilor.

Bach: I take it he was agreeable?

Putin: He didn't really have a choice.

Bach: Has he been bribed?

Putin: Oh yes. Most certainly. When I mentioned we could put him on the priority list for the stadium construction, he was so willing it was almost pathetic.

Bach: These dogs... their numbers are intensifying to the point where we may not be able to contain them.

Putin: Why contain them? Let them spill over the stadiums and venues, let the bodies pile up in the streets. In the end they'll beg us to shoot them.

Bach: I've received reports of armed attacks on shipments. There's not enough pillows to go around, and the journalists are starting to get desperate.

Putin: Of course they're desperate; they can smell their deaths, and the sound they'll make rattling their tarps will serve as a warning to the rest.

This is incredible.

Also, who wants to bet the terror threat will be reminiscent of Brazil? Terrorism a convenient culprit for crumbling infrastructure.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:02

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 19:37

Germstore: Oct 17, 2012; A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

"Mr. Putin, bring down this wall."

"Is not wall. Is Tarp."

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:03

Inepta Lacerta: Nov 20, 2012; .
Really quite silly indeed.

Someone posted a link to a tune from the S.T.A.L.K.E.R Clear Sky soundtrack early on in this thread, and that along with some joking back and forth with another goon resulted in this:

(I am in no way liable for any harm, mental or otherwise, inflicted through my poor photoshop skills.)

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:03

Fat Ogre: Dec 31, 2007; Guns don't kill people.

I do.

Sochi Happy Meal!

Comes with Marmalade with Fly in it, Glass of hot yellow tap water, cold borscht and warm cabbage.

Toy is two real dogs, Mischa and Sasha, they are platonic friends and you are to not be making them act like the gays.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:04

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Philthy posted:

Not seeing any coverage of any of this on cable. I've got like 350 stations and not a single thing for the Olympics.

come onnnnnnnnnnn

CNBC curling coverage starts Monday :eng101:

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:04

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

In this morning's news, one of the women's mogul skiers shredded her ACL in warm-ups, just before she was to do the real thing.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:05

Fat Lowtax: Nov 9, 2008; "I'm willing to pay up to $1200 for a big anime titty"

Does the opening ceremony start in an hour or is that just something I made up?

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:06

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

Philthy posted:

Not seeing any coverage of any of this on cable.

turn the tv on

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:06

A Buttery Pastry: Sep 4, 2011; Delicious and Informative!

bow chicka wow wow posted:

Does the opening ceremony start in an hour or is that just something I made up?

Da, glorious show starts in one hour

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:08

RedTeam: Feb 5, 2011; SHAZAM!

Greyhawk posted:

Putin: Your appointment with IOC should be finalized within the week. I've already discussed the matter with the Councilor.

Bach: I take it he was agreeable?

Putin: He didn't really have a choice.

Bach: Has he been bribed?

Putin: Oh yes. Most certainly. When I mentioned we could put him on the priority list for the stadium construction, he was so willing it was almost pathetic.

Bach: These dogs... their numbers are intensifying to the point where we may not be able to contain them.

Putin: Why contain them? Let them spill over the stadiums and venues, let the bodies pile up in the streets. In the end they'll beg us to shoot them.

Bach: I've received reports of armed attacks on shipments. There's not enough pillows to go around, and the journalists are starting to get desperate.

Putin: Of course they're desperate; they can smell their deaths, and the sound they'll make rattling their tarps will serve as a warning to the rest.

I wanted orange, it gave me lemonade in the rear end.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:09

cheesetriangles: Jan 5, 2011

CBC coverage is pretty drat amazing. Maybe someday NBC will get it's poo poo together. :argh:

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:10

Drunk & Ugly: Feb 10, 2003; GIMME GIMME GIMME, DON'T ASK WHAT FOR

72nd bday virgin posted:

The best part of the whole debacle is standard of Nationality that is beaten in to Russians' heads, go check out some Russian peoples' comments on news sites and youtube etc. and they're all defending Sochi and saying the rest of the world is just mad because there aren't enough gay people in Russia

quoting this from way back in the thread but I love some of the denial out there

You westerners and your standards :rolleyes:

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:11

Greyhawk: May 30, 2001

bow chicka wow wow posted:

Does the opening ceremony start in an hour or is that just something I made up?

20:14 russian local time. So yeah an hour from now.

RedTeam posted:

I wanted orange, it gave me lemonade in the rear end.

Niiiiice!

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:14

Yodzilla: Apr 29, 2005; Now who looks even dumber?

Beef Witch

the Wet Bandits strike again

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:14

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

turn the tv on

we don't have that olympic luxury in eagleland

oh it just keeps getting better

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/olympics/sochi-olympics-russia-spies-shower-article-1.1605454

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:16

frank.club: Jan 15, 2011; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Inepta Lacerta posted:

Someone posted a link to a tune from the S.T.A.L.K.E.R Clear Sky soundtrack early on in this thread, and that along with some joking back and forth with another goon resulted in this:

(I am in no way liable for any harm, mental or otherwise, inflicted through my poor photoshop skills.)

I'll allow it.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:16

kierrie: Jun 7, 2010

CLAM DOWN posted:

what the gently caress kind of Russian super-bus is this?!

It's the Putinmobile.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:19

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

Philthy posted:

Not seeing any coverage of any of this on cable. I've got like 350 stations and not a single thing for the Olympics.

come onnnnnnnnnnn

this is for you america

http://www.vipboxus.co/sports/winter-sports.html

http://www.vipboxus.co/uk-tv/65473/1/bbc-2-london-live-stream-online.html

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:21

Noni: Jul 8, 2003; ASK ME ABOUT DEFRAUDING GOONS WITH HOT DOGS AND HOW I BANNED EPIC HAMCAT

Cthulu Carl posted:

Maybe this is for the fluff piece they're working on for the retrospective at the end on the Olympics.

"Bob Costas Explores Sochi and Can Never Leave. Because He's Been Quarantined"

We can only hope that pinkeye somehow infects old Funeral Bob with some personality.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:22

Nanomashoes: Aug 18, 2012

semen stains the mountaintops

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:23

A Keg: Jan 7, 2014; by Ralp

UnnaturalSELECTION posted:

Will The games still happen if something blows up

The real question is will NBC still show the opening ceremonies if something blows up

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:24

Holkeri: Feb 7, 2014

kierrie posted:

It's the Putinmobile.

Can't stop staring at the Putinmobile

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:25

Anoia: Dec 31, 2003; "Sooner or later, every curse is a prayer."

Cucktales Blogger posted:

The real question is will NBC still show the opening ceremonies if something blows up

Whatever happens, the footage will get out somehow. Hurray Internet.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:27

A Pale Horse: Jul 29, 2007

Cucktales Blogger posted:

The real question is will NBC still show the opening ceremonies if something blows up

If something blows up you'll be able to find it on any channel. No worries. (Please don't blow up)

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:32

Orthodox Rabbit: Jun 2, 2006; This game is perfect for empty-headed dunces that don't like to think much!! Of course, I'm a genius... I wonder why I'm so good at it?!

I can't wait for the opening ceremony. All of Sochi is going to fall over revealing one giant metal cage that pops up and traps everyone inside. A massive team of dogs will haul the cage away while Putin rides at its front. "Now all the snow sports belong to me." He says to noone before taking a swig from the Putin-shaped flask at his belt.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:32

Paradox Personified: Mar 15, 2010; SoroScrew

you irl posted:

Attn: 4 hours till opening ceremonies!

Putin is warming up his snipers...

What the hell has this thread done to my brain? I read 'Four hours of tarp opening ceremonies.' gently caress you all I love all of you.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:33

Ms Boods: Mar 19, 2009; Did you ever wonder where the Romans got bread from? It wasn't from Waitrose!

Got the BBC on here -- am gutted that Graham Norton isn't the commentator on the Opening ceremony.

(I love his Eurovision commentary :allears:

)

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:33

Octavion: Apr 5, 2009

When I was driving through Russia last year we came to a junction. One direction was a normal road, the other direction had three people in civilian clothes standing across the road holding really big German Shepherds on leads. We had no idea why they were there and decided to take the road that wasn't full of dogs.

Russia is a strange place but all the people were really friendly, in a gruff kinda way.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:35

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

A Pale Horse posted:

If something blows up you'll be able to find it on any channel. No worries. (Please don't blow up)

When something blew up in 1996 CNN beat NBC to the punch

Certainly helped it took place in CNN's backyard

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:35

old beast lunatic: Nov 3, 2004; by Hand Knit

All I want out of these olympics is a photo op of shirtless Putin with russia's totally not-gay mens figure skating team. Bonus points for wall geyser and dogs in the background.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:36

Fat Ogre: Dec 31, 2007; Guns don't kill people.

I do.

Nanomashoes posted:

semen stains the mountaintops

Is ok unless is gay semen.

Cover it with tarp.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:37

Orthodox Rabbit: Jun 2, 2006; This game is perfect for empty-headed dunces that don't like to think much!! Of course, I'm a genius... I wonder why I'm so good at it?!

My boss this morning asked me if I was excited about the Olympics and I didn't really know how to answer that question.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:38

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

This is a sick recovery

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:39

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

SarutosZero posted:

My boss this morning asked me if I was excited about the Olympics and I didn't really know how to answer that question.

The answer is obviously yes but not for he normal reasons

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:40

Vintersorg: Mar 3, 2004; President of
the Brendan Fraser
Fan Club

Apparently this is only 80% sold. :3:

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:40

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

Toad on a Hat posted:

This is a sick recovery

that looks like a crash dummy for a second there when it rounds the corner

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:40

Fat Ogre: Dec 31, 2007; Guns don't kill people.

I do.

SarutosZero posted:

My boss this morning asked me if I was excited about the Olympics and I didn't really know how to answer that question.

I'm not so excited about the games so much as the potential for hilarious cringe inducing accidents, gay protests, wild dogs on the field, stuff violently collapsing or breaking before our eyes and possible live broadcasted terrorist attacks.

The fact that the games are the back drop for all of that is just an added bonus.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:40

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

From the A Ticket Came In thread in SHSC:

Nerdrock posted:

An email came in from our "content filtering" person :

Good Afternoon All

We are noticing an increased number of lockouts when links within Olympic
sites are selected. This seems to be due to links getting automatically
redirected to Russian porn sites. If the lockouts become problematic, the
lockout duration can be reduced in the rule sets.

So : apparently the olympics website is currently , or was yesterday, hijacked and pointing people to lots of Russian porn sites. Good times.

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:41

tote up a bags: Jun 8, 2006; die stoats die

I'm hype as a loving kite for dogs. Someone with more time than me please keep a dogcount

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:42

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 19:37

Paradox Personified: Mar 15, 2010; SoroScrew

Gorilla Salad posted:

According to Wikipedia, the average male ejaculate is around 10ml.

Therefore, by my calculations, that makes for a grand total of 1000L of semen to be produced during these games. If we assume a density for semen similar to that of water, that makes a grand total of 1 metric tonne of semen.

And that's not even taking into consideration wanking and blowjobs.

Hey there Myrtle, does it smell like rotting fig leaves in the fall?

# ? Feb 7, 2014 16:43

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Sochi 2014 Megathread 1: Grovergrad - OoOo*

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