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Croc Monster posted:Remember, this is Benny. What would happen to him would be some sort of Keystone Kops routine accompanied by Yakkety Sax. Holy poo poo I love this thread. Edit: Oh poo poo, new page. Um, yeah how about that post I quoted? It's really funny!
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Feb 12, 2014 09:10
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Croc Monster posted:Remember, this is Benny. What would happen to him would be some sort of Keystone Kops routine accompanied by Yakkety Sax. I'm failing to see a problem here.
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Feb 12, 2014 19:40
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Sunshine89 posted:Seriously, one of the better overnight stock dudes I worked with was functionally illiterate. A friend of mine does accounting for his father's business, an interior trim/door/window wholesaler. Their warehouse guy/delivery driver is functionally illiterate; among his highlights are routinely not being able to spell his own name and having to call a salesman for clarification on instructions to "leave this stuff behind the fence" (when he called, he pronounced fence "fenky" and wanted to know what a "fenky" was.) In addition he is a convicted felon. Despite these challenges this man has been able to hold down a full time job that pays about $16/hour for at least the last 6 or 7 years.
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Feb 12, 2014 20:53
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Geoj posted:A friend of mine does accounting for his father's business, an interior trim/door/window wholesaler. Their warehouse guy/delivery driver is functionally illiterate; among his highlights are routinely not being able to spell his own name and having to call a salesman for clarification on instructions to "leave this stuff behind the fence" (when he called, he pronounced fence "fenky" and wanted to know what a "fenky" was.) In addition he is a convicted felon. I am almost certain a big part of the reason he is employed is entertainment value. If I were an employer, I would hire Benny simply for this reason. His job would be to write thunderdome stories and do my shopping at a store that most definitely uses shopping carts.
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Feb 12, 2014 20:58
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Geoj posted:A friend of mine does accounting for his father's business, an interior trim/door/window wholesaler. Their warehouse guy/delivery driver is functionally illiterate; among his highlights are routinely not being able to spell his own name and having to call a salesman for clarification on instructions to "leave this stuff behind the fence" (when he called, he pronounced fence "fenky" and wanted to know what a "fenky" was.) In addition he is a convicted felon. This is Benny, who called the cops on his mom for comic book crimes and thought calling in drunk was a great excuse to get off work. You're illiterate guy is a person who probably doesn't want to end up homeless or in jail.... in other words he has drive. The only drive Benny has is halfheartedly trying to get pity laid.
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Feb 12, 2014 21:36
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Do pity lays even exist? I pretty much consider them unicorns.
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Feb 13, 2014 03:33
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Should Benny wish to sign up for Thunderdome and subject us to his writing again, he has about 48 hours. I'm saying this only because a bunch of people from this thread seemed to have signed up this week to support him, but he's a no-show.
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Feb 13, 2014 04:24
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I've judged several times, and had the misfortune of having to read some loving horrible stories including Rural Rentboys, and the author has actually continued posting fiction like a trooper and his writing is improving. Benny, I read your story. It's pretty bad, but it's not loving horrible. Even if it's loving horrible, if you really want to write, keep writing. If you don't enter this week's Thunderdome for whatever reason (that I expect most goons will judge you on), just wait until there's one that interests you. Also I wrote this as part of my crit when I was looking at Rural Rentboys and I think it applies to you: quote:Are you here to improve your writing? Do you like to write? Do you want to write? Because if you cannot answer these questions by way of CONFIRM/DENY, you might want to sit down and have a think about it.
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Feb 13, 2014 04:34
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Guys, we haven't heard from Benny since he posted that story. I hope we weren't too mean.
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Feb 13, 2014 04:42
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OrganizedInsanity posted:This is Benny, who called the cops on his mom for comic book crimes and thought calling in drunk was a great excuse to get off work. You're illiterate guy is a person who probably doesn't want to end up homeless or in jail.... in other words he has drive. The only drive Benny has is halfheartedly trying to get pity laid. I get that, but if a middle school dropout who cannot reliably spell his own name and has difficulty reading at a third grade level and has a felony conviction on his record can obtain and hold down a full time job for the better part of a decade, someone who (allegedly) has a four-year degree should as well. TBH I'm firmly back in the "Benny the Snake is an elaborate troll" camp.
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Feb 13, 2014 04:48
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a year later i slaughtered my whole thread in cold blood
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Feb 13, 2014 06:02
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Wangsbig posted:a year later i slaughtered my whole thread in cold blood drat.
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Feb 13, 2014 06:20
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Geoj posted:I get that, but if a middle school dropout who cannot reliably spell his own name and has difficulty reading at a third grade level and has a felony conviction on his record can obtain and hold down a full time job for the better part of a decade, someone who (allegedly) has a four-year degree should as well. This is why I'm convinced there has to be some sort of disorder present- he'd still be a buggy boy at Target otherwise. If people that have problems that go way deeper than Benny's can hold down a gig, there's no reason why Benny can't- barring of course, schizo(id)phrenia and whatever else he has. Brain candy and therapy would go a long way, but that seems to have dropped off of everybody's radar because it's more fun mocking the stereotypical goon; the "there by the grace of God go I" type of goon that so many of us could have been if we didn't do something about it. Could have sworn some goon confirmed it too.
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Feb 13, 2014 06:25
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Sunshine89 posted:This is why I'm convinced there has to be some sort of disorder present- he'd still be a buggy boy at Target otherwise. If people that have problems that go way deeper than Benny's can hold down a gig, there's no reason why Benny can't- barring of course, schizo(id)phrenia and whatever else he has. Brain candy and therapy would go a long way, but that seems to have dropped off of everybody's radar because it's more fun mocking the stereotypical goon; the "there by the grace of God go I" type of goon that so many of us could have been if we didn't do something about it. I don't think it's so much a "dropped off the radar" thing, as a "beating a dead horse" thing. It's been suggested that he get medication (which, he did but still complains about being able to fund it) despite that many people looked up how to contact companies to get steep discounts and low income credits to get whatever drug he's on for nearly free. He's said he goes to therapy, for all the good it seems to do him since he doesn't seem to listen to the therapist either. I've tried really hard to help Benny, even to the point of helping him research jobs in his area etc. The issue is that he does not listen. Period.
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Feb 13, 2014 06:34
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Wangsbig posted:a year later i slaughtered my whole thread in cold blood Whoaaaaa, his "family" in his story was us, the thread, all along. He dropped a sick metaphorical burn on all of us and we didn't even know it.
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Feb 13, 2014 08:38
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That drat Satyr posted:
He doesn't listen, but that's probably a manifestation of whatever else is going on in his brain. You can't expect an internet thread to succeed where his college, unemployment resources, and presumably his family have not. It's pretty clear that Benny is lacking in basic reasoning, time management, and planning skills. Until those are fixed you might as well be shouting help in Latin because it's not going to get through to him.
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Feb 13, 2014 08:39
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in_cahoots posted:He doesn't listen, but that's probably a manifestation of whatever else is going on in his brain. You can't expect an internet thread to succeed where his college, unemployment resources, and presumably his family have not. It's pretty clear that Benny is lacking in basic reasoning, time management, and planning skills. Until those are fixed you might as well be shouting help in Latin because it's not going to get through to him. It may be but keep in mind he had the presence of mind to call the cops on his mom. There's probably something wrong with his head but lets face it, he's unemployed because its easier for him. He has his parents and a cushy house to live in where the upside of getting a job is moving out and having to do more things by himself. You can laugh and be condescending to the convict guy all you want but the fact that he had to presence of mind to call and make sure he's doing the job right shows that he cares and he's fully aware of his shortcommings. The delivery guy is holding down a job because he's determined to, Benny tried to rationalize screwing over a co-worker less than a month into his job. That's pretty telling. Here's hoping that Benny's just a conservative troll but if he is, drat its working.
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Feb 13, 2014 13:38
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Benny's either a mentally ill person trying (with varying degrees of success and credibility) to improve his lot in life, or someone who has dedicated upwards a year of his life generating a flawless portrayal himself as a mentally ill screwup on the internet. What I'm saying is that if he's a troll, he deserves a goddamn Pulitzer.
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Feb 13, 2014 15:31
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Wangsbig posted:a year later i slaughtered my whole thread in cold blood 
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Feb 13, 2014 15:36
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docbeard posted:Benny's either a mentally ill person trying (with varying degrees of success and credibility) to improve his lot in life, or someone who has dedicated upwards a year of his life generating a flawless portrayal himself as a mentally ill screwup on the internet. Nobody will ever reach the heights of TobleroneTriangular, but Benny will at least get an honorable mention. I just doubt that he is a troll because he ignores particular criticisms and questions, especially when it comes to his writing and English language skills in general.
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Feb 13, 2014 16:13
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Does anyone know for certain he didn't murder his parents? And the reason he's not posting right now is because he's rotting in jail?
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Feb 13, 2014 16:17
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Pope Corky the IX posted:Nobody will ever reach the heights of TobleroneTriangular, but Benny will at least get an honorable mention. I just doubt that he is a troll because he ignores particular criticisms and questions, especially when it comes to his writing and English language skills in general. To be fair that is one of the biggest complaints people have about E/N posters. Either it's a troll or it's just a guy who was raised comfortably who doesn't know how to operate in the real world, and honestly either is believable at this point
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Feb 13, 2014 16:45
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natetimm posted:Do pity lays even exist? I pretty much consider them unicorns. The piety aspect is just a stipulation that can sometimes play into it. The pitiful situation would probably be something outside of your control. (IE: Losing the championship game, death of loved one, didn't get the job you really wanted, etc.) More pitiful doesn't equal higher chance of sex. Eventually you hit a threshold of "Ok, this is beyond pitiful. This person is just a sad, sack of poo poo." Also, every other aspect of attraction still plays into it. If you can get "piety sex," chances are you could have probably still hosed that person, without the piety aspect. Always Sunny: Charlie Gets Crippled; does a good job at putting it into perspective.
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Feb 13, 2014 17:20
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cname posted:The piety aspect is just a stipulation that can sometimes play into it. The pitiful situation would probably be something outside of your control. (IE: Losing the championship game, death of loved one, didn't get the job you really wanted, etc.) Piety sex? You mean someone loving him for religious reasons?
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Feb 13, 2014 17:32
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The cult of Benny
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Feb 13, 2014 17:40
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No Longer Flaky posted:Piety sex? You mean someone loving him for religious reasons? I'm pretty sure it's considered a form of sacrifice.
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Feb 13, 2014 18:09
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Krotera posted:I'm pretty sure it's considered a form of sacrifice. The Holy Virgin Snake doesn't get piety sex, that'd completely miss the point. You consecrate your own pairings, asking for a blessing from the Holy Virgin, and you know your union was blessed if you hear a post-coital whisper on the wind: "A year later, I killed my penitents in cold blood."
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Feb 13, 2014 19:19
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So I decide to take a break for two days and my thread blows up under me. I knew that "The Oracle" was a piece of poo poo. Posting it was the worst thing I could've done. I rushed it so I could meet the deadline and now I regret posting the drat thing in the first place. I'm just glad I got a bad story out of me. Maybe I'll enter the Thunderdome again, I don't know. Good news is I've been making progress as far as the job search goes. I had an interview yesterday at a shoe company for an office assistant position. I went in with my resume, typing certification, and letter of recommendation from my internship ready and I wrote a thank you note to my interviewer. I should get a call by next week if I got a job. I'm attending a job fair at the job center today. I have a portfolio ready which consists of my resume, my certification, and my letter of recomendation. I'm thinking about getting copies of my diploma to complete it. I'll let you guys know later on how it went.
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Feb 13, 2014 20:40
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Benny the Snake posted:So I decide to take a break for two days and my thread blows up under me. Guys, guys, its ok because Benny didn't make any effort in that story. Thank god none of this is a microcosm of his incompetence IRL.
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Feb 13, 2014 20:43
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Benny the Snake posted:
Do it. You didn't even lose or get a dishonorable mention, and as mentioned, the "Rural Rentboys" guy has come back and improved as well. Also you managed to get heavy cross-thread pollination, so there's that. 40+ entrants so far this week, and signup's aren't even over yet 
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Feb 13, 2014 20:46
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Make sure you bring many copies of your resume since you probably are going to give them out.
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Feb 13, 2014 20:46
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How convenient that you've never made an effort in any of the writing that you've posted in this thread or elsewhere. Even the poo poo that you provided specifically to demonstrate the brilliance of your education and/or talent.
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Feb 13, 2014 20:46
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Benny the Snake posted:So I decide to take a break for two days and my thread blows up under me. Don't enter a piece of poo poo into a writing competition. People here would have ate it up, and you could have been mature about the whole thing and just admitted to not having time to polish anything, rather than wasting any of the judges' time with something that you knew to be bad. Now for the good part: good luck on the interview, good job on going through the extra steps, and good luck with the job fair 
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Feb 13, 2014 20:50
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So when do we actually get to see you try?
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Feb 13, 2014 20:52
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"Hey guys, I really can write, see?" "Benny, that was terrible" "Yeah? Well, I knew it would be bad, that's why I posted it! I wasn't even trying!"
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Feb 13, 2014 21:00
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Subjectively, the story's poop-smut. But objectively, the grammar is horse-dung.
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Feb 13, 2014 21:11
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Benny the Snake posted:So I decide to take a break for two days and my thread blows up under me. Posting it was the best thing you could have done (and I don't just mean for the thread's entertainment). You now have something in common with every successful writer out there: you have written something that wasn't very good and asked people what they think about it. (Admittedly this is also something you have in common with many unsuccessful writers.) And yeah. You didn't lose. You didn't even come close. The lesson here is the same as the ultimate lesson in all your past endeavors: look at what you did poorly this time, and do better next time. That's honestly about 90% of what life is, for everyone.
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Feb 13, 2014 21:11
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docbeard posted:Posting it was the best thing you could have done (and I don't just mean for the thread's entertainment). You now have something in common with every successful writer out there: you have written something that wasn't very good and asked people what they think about it. (Admittedly this is also something you have in common with many unsuccessful writers.) There's no reason to change. Didn't you read Benny's post? This wasn't representative of his true skills.
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Feb 13, 2014 21:13
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Benny, I know this will take you 3 weeks to respond to, what with your busy life and all, but what happened with your other story? Johnny Magnum, or whatever it was called.
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Feb 13, 2014 21:15
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Maybe it's just you're a bad writer because you have not spent very much time practicing writing, and if you want to be a better writer you need to write a lot more? Like. A ton more. Instead of making excuses, write. You're going to be terrible for a while. Suck it up.
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Feb 13, 2014 21:21
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