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Benny the Snake posted:Allright, I'm back from the job fair. There were five job recruiters present and a list of the jobs available. I could only apply to three, given how most of the positions were engineering and mechanical jobs and because of transportation constraints. Unfortunately, one of the recruiters left early for the day so I only applied to two. Then I got a pissboner because I was thinking of this really awesome new story called The Sexy Oracle and had to run to the bathroom and pee and wait a bit for things to settle down and by then there was only one recruiter there. In a panic, I forgot to slide open the door lock on the bathroom stall and ended up nearly knocking myself unconscious as I rebounded off the cold steel walls of the toilets. Picking myself up and taking stock I noticed I still had my resume, typing certification, and letter of recommendation from my internship. To my horror, the thank you note for my interviewer had fallen out of my binder (not my fault, it's one of those cheap ones from the dollar store. They never fit all the papers quite right) and landed in a puddle of someone's urine. I tried to brush it off but that just spread things around and since I hadn't gotten an interview yet I realized that maybe the thank you note was a bit premature. Concentrating extra hard I remembered to slide the latch back and then open the door. I dropped the soggy note into the trash, washed my hands and headed out to see the last job recruiter but by then, there were none. Just typing this up real fast on my way home. Mom says it's okay, I can always try at the next job fair and tonight is hot pockets and pizza rolls night so it's not a total loss!
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# ? Feb 14, 2014 22:50 |
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# ? Jun 5, 2024 08:15 |
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How big is your dick, Benny? Could you do some porno? Might be scraping at the bottom of the barrel, but I'm just trying to find your calling.
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# ? Feb 14, 2014 23:22 |
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gently caress da Mods posted:How big is your dick, Benny? Could you do some porno? Might be scraping at the bottom of the barrel, but I'm just trying to find your calling. He lives in CA. If he's willing to go gay and doesn't look awful....
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# ? Feb 14, 2014 23:30 |
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TheReverend posted:Challenge: Benny, we all know that following advice isn't really your thing, but just do this already.
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# ? Feb 15, 2014 00:10 |
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Aqua Bear posted:Benny, we all know that following advice isn't really your thing, but just do this already. What do we do when he posts it, and we are treated to, "this isn't my usual schedule I almost always (except this week) apply for jobs wayyy more often it's not my fault it was really sunny out and etc."
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# ? Feb 15, 2014 01:19 |
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Death Bot posted:He lives in CA. If he's willing to go gay and doesn't look awful.... Probably better off applying for the "cuckolded husband" roles.
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# ? Feb 15, 2014 01:32 |
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Starter Wiggin posted:What do we do when he posts it, and we are treated to, "this isn't my usual schedule I almost always (except this week) apply for jobs wayyy more often it's not my fault it was really sunny out and etc." Ya know, this makes me wonder. We keep calling Benny the goon in the well: he asks for advice, we offer it, he ignores it, he asks for more, we offer more, but nothing changes. He's still sitting in the pee-filled well. But maybe we all are the goon in the well. We keep coming back, despite the evidence that we really shouldn't. I suppose it's for the entertainment value(?) but even that's wearing thin. How many times can you go around in the same non-productive circle? It's us, I tell you. It's us.
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# ? Feb 15, 2014 02:23 |
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Benny the Snake posted:I'm in. Keep writing Benny! Make sure you proof your work and don't submit your first draft!
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# ? Feb 15, 2014 02:59 |
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Croc Monster posted:Ya know, this makes me wonder. Ok, nobody post in this thread again. Goldmine.
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# ? Feb 15, 2014 03:09 |
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Benny, I don't care about any of this job and story writing nonsense, how did you spend your valentine's day? Did you slay any sweet poon tonight?
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# ? Feb 15, 2014 05:28 |
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Croc Monster posted:Ya know, this makes me wonder. I move this be appended to the official goon in the well template.
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# ? Feb 15, 2014 06:53 |
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Honestly, everything Croc Monster has posted in this thread is gold. Croc Monster, I loved your story. Benny get the jobs.
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# ? Feb 15, 2014 16:08 |
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Last time Benny agreed to an hour by hour breakdown of his day we got this. Benny the Snake posted:I know it's not a novel. It's just an idea I've been hashing and re-hasing for four years now without anything beyond chapter two. It's on hold until I can sort out all these immediate issues out of the way. This was his big star of the week major stuff day. Not a routine day. Yet he still spent more time dicking around with friends than he did working towards a job. And even then he didn't come prepares with resumes so had to print them on site. And spent four and a half hours "applying online and shooting poo poo with friends", stuff he could have done at home, in a more focused way. Even if we get an actual hour by hour this time it'll be full of half truths when he spends an hour "Looking for jobs" which was actually 10 minutes on Craigslist, three movie blogs he read, a toilet break, some snacks and a phone call to a friend to shoot poo poo about the last mature gritty graphic novel they both read.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 10:19 |
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Kaishai posted:There's one thing about this entry I like. The use of silver is not bad. You've put it in more as a color than a metal, but that does the job, and this take on the element is valid without being obvious or expected.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 10:28 |
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^^ That's some good fiction writing advice, there. FREE ON THE INTERNET! The thing that sets off all my alarm bells about Benny is the repeated phrases: "I'm gonna", "I'm gonna lean in", "I did good" and "my plan is to". If you go through his posts, you see variations of that mindset repeated. Benny the Snake, you're always either planning for something (that seems far enough away that you don't have to do anything) or patting yourself on the back for the simplest, most basic task. I believe in baby steps. In fact, I am supposed to be writing a cover letter right now, but I've only done the outline and now I'm here, avoiding my real work. But you don't get to congratulate yourself for "leaning in" after making a phone call in response to a craigslist posting. I supervise a person who needs praise for completing every single task, including arriving to meetings on time. It's incredibly frustrating to deal with this mindset so I made him start keeping a daily progress report on a google doc. That way, I figured I could support his workstyle, and keep on his every movement at my own pace. Now, he comes to me to tell me that he updated the google doc. Update your internal google doc, and move on to the next step. Why am I even bothering.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 17:26 |
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Uncle Salty posted:^^ That's some good fiction writing advice, there. FREE ON THE INTERNET! Hey I posted in this thread, commend me.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 18:03 |
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No Longer Flaky posted:Hey I posted in this thread, commend me. Good job bro
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 18:17 |
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I still can't believe Benny hasn't been able to find even a job in fast food in a whole year. That boggles my fuckin' mind.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 18:22 |
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DamnitGannet posted:I still can't believe Benny hasn't been able to find even a job in fast food in a whole year. That boggles my fuckin' mind. He has been fired from multiple jobs after a week on the job and puts them on his resume still. If I was the hiring manager at McDonalds and I saw someone that dumb I wouldn't hire them for fear they'd try to scoop fries out of the fryer by hand. There's "so dumb he can't function in the situation" and then there's "so dumb he can't recognize there is a situation" and Benny is firmly in the second camp. Remember, he's the kind of guy who thought calling in drunk when he wasn't was a good idea.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 18:45 |
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Sigma-X posted:He has been fired from multiple jobs after a week on the job and puts them on his resume still. If I was the hiring manager at McDonalds and I saw someone that dumb I wouldn't hire them for fear they'd try to scoop fries out of the fryer by hand. There's "so dumb he can't function in the situation" and then there's "so dumb he can't recognize there is a situation" and Benny is firmly in the second camp. One time I tried to call out of work because I was "sick". They asked me what I was sick with and I told them diarrhea. My friend had told me that was foolproof. It wasn't. They wanted me to get a doctors note. I got fired a few weeks later for no call no show. I am still a better job candidate than Benny for any job ever.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 18:51 |
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No Longer Flaky posted:One time I tried to call out of work because I was "sick". They asked me what I was sick with and I told them diarrhea. My friend had told me that was foolproof. It wasn't. They wanted me to get a doctors note. I got fired a few weeks later for no call no show. To be fair, requiring a doctor's note for what could easily be "I ate something that didn't agree with me and now I'm making GBS threads my brains out" would sound like either a lovely job or a lovely boss to me. But that's neither here nor there.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 19:07 |
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No Longer Flaky posted:One time I tried to call out of work because I was "sick". They asked me what I was sick with and I told them diarrhea. My friend had told me that was foolproof. It wasn't. They wanted me to get a doctors note. I got fired a few weeks later for no call no show. Wait, you had to go to the doctor to get a note anytime you called in sick? Like, what if you just had a nasty cold or something? You feel like poo poo and don't want to spread it to your coworkers, but you're hardly going to see a physician over something so easily resolved (and pointless to see a doctor for, considering that they can do gently caress all for colds besides tell you to drink water and munch on cough drops). Benny, have you tried to use any of your family connections to find work lately?
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 19:08 |
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Pfirti86 posted:Wait, you had to go to the doctor to get a note anytime you called in sick? Like, what if you just had a nasty cold or something? You feel like poo poo and don't want to spread it to your coworkers, but you're hardly going to see a physician over something so easily resolved (and pointless to see a doctor for, considering that they can do gently caress all for colds besides tell you to drink water and munch on cough drops). He might have had a history of calling in a lot. Or it was a super paranoid and lovely employer.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 19:11 |
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Nah I didn't have a history of calling in a lot, I had recently changed my availability because I needed to spend more time on my classes (I was in high school and calculus was kicking my rear end). The manager there was just a jerk. Who the hell goes to the doctor for diarrhea?
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 19:18 |
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No Longer Flaky posted:Hey I posted in this thread, commend me.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 19:31 |
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No Longer Flaky posted:
Exactly. When I want diarrhoea I just go get KFC or Burger King. In all seriousness I am mildly excited to see if Benny takes on board the criticism and improves this next Thunderdome. I wait with bated breath.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 20:06 |
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Man, you motherfuckers are gonna be sorry when you see Benny's name on the New York Times bestseller list
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 20:53 |
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Grin and Tonic posted:Man, you motherfuckers are gonna be sorry when you see Benny's name on the New York Times bestseller list Do you... Have silver eyes? Masonity fucked around with this message at 23:09 on Feb 16, 2014 |
# ? Feb 16, 2014 23:06 |
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Grin and Tonic posted:Man, you motherfuckers are gonna be sorry when you see Benny's name on the New York Times bestseller list Speaking of which, I have until ten my time to post my story. Is there anyone out there who'd be willing to take a look at it? I don't feel comfortable enough posting it here, but I'd be willing to send it to you. My main concern is that even for an anecdote, it's too much tell and not enough show. My AIM handle is on my profile: feel free to reach me there if you want to take a look at it.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 23:13 |
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Benny the Snake posted:I doubt it. I constantly put myself down, calling myself an idiot and my writing poo poo. Thanks to counseling I'm catching myself doing it, but it's a hard habit to break. That was my mindset when I posted my first Thunderdome story. I kept telling myself it was poo poo and I expected the bad criticism. Now I'm actually taking my time with my new Thunderdome story and I'm confident that it's a good story. Not anything that will win me this week's prompt, but good enough. I would. Hit me on messenger.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 23:17 |
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DamnitGannet posted:I still can't believe Benny hasn't been able to find even a job in fast food in a whole year. That boggles my fuckin' mind.
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# ? Feb 16, 2014 23:32 |
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And there. My Thunderdome story is posted. I had three different people take a look at it and I put a lot of thought into this one so I hope this redeems me somewhat.
Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 08:49 on Feb 17, 2014 |
# ? Feb 17, 2014 07:00 |
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It's not bad. I enjoyed reading it. Ending was a little contrived, but whatever. Roughly 800% better than the previous entry. Your thread inspired me to enter that t-dome.
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# ? Feb 17, 2014 07:09 |
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Benny the Snake posted:I hope this redeems myself I wish someone with an english degree could tell me why this sounds so awkward. "this redeems me", or "i redeem myself" both sound better, but I don't for the life of me know what sort of grammatical rules dictate this sort of sentence structure.
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# ? Feb 17, 2014 08:09 |
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Ursine Asylum posted:I wish someone with an english degree could tell me why this sounds so awkward. "this redeems me", or "i redeem myself" both sound better, but I don't for the life of me know what sort of grammatical rules dictate this sort of sentence structure. I thinks it's because the subject of the verb (I.e. The person or thing doing the verb) isn't the same as the object (the thing having the verb done to it) so using "self" doesn't really work. "I wash myself" sounds okay because the "I" is the same person as "myself". "I wash himself" doesn't because "I" is a different person to "him".
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# ? Feb 17, 2014 08:19 |
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Ursine Asylum posted:I wish someone with an english degree could tell me why this sounds so awkward. "this redeems me", or "i redeem myself" both sound better, but I don't for the life of me know what sort of grammatical rules dictate this sort of sentence structure. 'Myself' is reflexive: 'he put himself through college'. Benny had a separate subject/object; 'I hope this (subject) redeems me (object)'. If the subject was him it would have been fine: 'I hope I (subject) have redeemed myself (object)' is fine.
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# ? Feb 17, 2014 08:21 |
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Ursine Asylum posted:I wish someone with an english degree could tell me why this sounds so awkward. "this redeems me", or "i redeem myself" both sound better, but I don't for the life of me know what sort of grammatical rules dictate this sort of sentence structure. e: f,b
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# ? Feb 17, 2014 08:22 |
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Shelf Adventure, sebmojo, and SurreptitiousMuffin posted:Man, I learn so much from this thread.
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# ? Feb 17, 2014 08:25 |
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Ursine Asylum posted:Man, I learn so much from this thread. Also Benny, good work this week. Your story wasn't perfect, but it's such a shockingly huge improvement from last week that I can't bring myself to slam you down. You can do good work if you put that extra bit of effort in.
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# ? Feb 17, 2014 08:30 |
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# ? Jun 5, 2024 08:15 |
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Benny the Snake posted:The first thing I noticed was the giant holes in the ground in the back yard. "The first thing I noticed" should be a single thing. Since the holes were more numerous than one, I would suggest "The first things I noticed were the giant holes in the ground in the back yard." Benny posted:I got my shirt stained and my Dodgers hat covered in white. I had to step outside after getting lightheaded off the fumes "Covered in white" seems awkward. "Covered in white paint" or "Covered in primer" would work better here. If the shirt was similarly stained, probably this could be "My shirt and "Getting lightheaded off of (or from) the fumes". Benny posted:He came over and cut the trees down with a chainsaw. I watch dejectedly as he fed them into the wood chipper. You spend far too much time describing the house itself at the beginning. The solar panels and swamp cooler have nothing to do with anything, there's no point to bringing them up. You (claim to have) studied this stuff; have you not heard of Chekhov's Gun? Much, much better than The Oracle.
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# ? Feb 17, 2014 09:29 |