Benny the Snake posted:

Allright, I'm back from the job fair. There were five job recruiters present and a list of the jobs available. I could only apply to three, given how most of the positions were engineering and mechanical jobs and because of transportation constraints. Unfortunately, one of the recruiters left early for the day so I only applied to two.

gently caress da Mods posted:

How big is your dick, Benny? Could you do some porno? Might be scraping at the bottom of the barrel, but I'm just trying to find your calling.

TheReverend posted:

Challenge:

For the next week chronicle everything you do from the time you are awake to the time you sleep.
Write down everything you are doing on the hour.

Example:

10am Wake up
11am Look for job listings
noon Apply to jobs
1pm Apply to jobs
2pm Lunch



Something like that.

If you do this people may be able to better help you organize your time. YOU SHOULD DO IT!

Aqua Bear posted:

Benny, we all know that following advice isn't really your thing, but just do this already.

Death Bot posted:

He lives in CA. If he's willing to go gay and doesn't look awful....

Starter Wiggin posted:

What do we do when he posts it, and we are treated to, "this isn't my usual schedule I almost always (except this week) apply for jobs wayyy more often it's not my fault it was really sunny out and etc."

Benny the Snake posted:

I'm in.

Croc Monster posted:

Ya know, this makes me wonder.

We keep calling Benny the goon in the well: he asks for advice, we offer it, he ignores it, he asks for more, we offer more, but nothing changes. He's still sitting in the pee-filled well.

But maybe we all are the goon in the well. We keep coming back, despite the evidence that we really shouldn't. I suppose it's for the entertainment value(?) but even that's wearing thin. How many times can you go around in the same non-productive circle? It's us, I tell you. It's us.

Croc Monster posted:

Ya know, this makes me wonder.

We keep calling Benny the goon in the well: he asks for advice, we offer it, he ignores it, he asks for more, we offer more, but nothing changes. He's still sitting in the pee-filled well.

But maybe we all are the goon in the well. We keep coming back, despite the evidence that we really shouldn't. I suppose it's for the entertainment value(?) but even that's wearing thin. How many times can you go around in the same non-productive circle? It's us, I tell you. It's us.

Benny the Snake posted:

I know it's not a novel. It's just an idea I've been hashing and re-hasing for four years now without anything beyond chapter two. It's on hold until I can sort out all these immediate issues out of the way.

Okay. Here's the timeline for today up until now:

7AM: Woke up in a panic. Alarm clock was set for 6 but I had on accident set it two hours in advance so it reads 9. Eat breakfast, wash up, and get dressed. I had ironed my shirt and slacks the night before. I also shaved. Facial hair never looks good on me.

8:20 AM: Leave for school. Public transit takes about an hour and a half. I spend the time reading.

9:40 AM: Arrived on campus. I go to the marketplace where my friends hang out. I set up my computer and print out 20 copies of my resume. I meet and talk with some of my friends, including Carl and Pablo (not their real names) who are there for the fair. We swap resumes and help each other out.

10:40 AM: I go to the fair. I passed out over 30 resumes. Each booth I visited I asked what major they were looking for, what positions were open, and details about the position. I ask about locations and tasks associated with the position. I give them a resume, ask for a business card, and ask if they have any questions about my resume. I emphasize my campaign volunteer work, since it's the most recent work experience and lets me highlight my administrative skills. I avoid booths that are looking for specific majors outside my own: quite a few booths want engineers exclusively. Here's a shortlist of the companies I gave resumes:

• Cal Poly Extended University
  
• Americorps
  
• THINK Together
  
• Sate Auditor
  
• Fastenal
  
• Gothic Grounds Management
  
• JINS
  
• Toys R Us
  
• Regus
  
• Sketchers
  
• Second Image National
  
• Home Depot
  
• Petsmart
  
• Farmer's Insurance
  
• Healthcare Service Group
  
• Waddel & Reed Financial Advisors
  
• Southern Wine & Spirits
  
• AER Technologies
  
• Exel
  
• USMC
  
• Target
  
• Sherwin-Williams
  
• Uline Shipping
  
• Consolidated Electrical Distributors, Inc.
  
• ADP
  
• Ferguson Plumbing and Building Products
  
• Penskie Motor Group
  
• Northwestern Mutual
  
• Progressive Insurance
  

2PM: I start applying online to the companies I got business cards from. As much as I made a good impression on their representatives at their booths, I need to follow up by applying online. I put priority on THINK, CPP Extended University, and JINS. JINS is an eyewear company based in Japan that wants to set up shop here in the States. I made a good impression on the recruiter. I like this job especially because I'm hoping that cheap frames are part of the benefits(Prescription eyeglasses cost me anywhere between six and eight hundred. I have hosed up eyesight). I made an especially good impression on Second Image: the rep said she'd give me a call for an interview next week. I still have her business card just in case. I apply online to about a third of the places I passed out resumes to, on top of writing cover letters for each place. I take a break every now and then to shoot the poo poo with my friends.

6:30 PM: I hitch a ride with Andy (not his real name) who brings me home. Andy's a great guy who's a hospitality major and tends bar and Disneyland. That's a place that's always hiring and the moment I have a car, I'll apply there too.

7PM: eat dinner at restaurant and read paper.

8PM: arrive home. And now I'm chatting with you goons.

Tomorrow I have a 9AM interview with McDonald's. I'll apply to more of the places I left resumes at after my interview. Therapy would be a nice option, but I'm uninsured. It's one of the other things I'm going to have to put on hold. I'll get around to UW and Goodwill as soon as I get all these things sorted out.

Kaishai posted:

There's one thing about this entry I like. The use of silver is not bad. You've put it in more as a color than a metal, but that does the job, and this take on the element is valid without being obvious or expected.

Otherwise, it's a wreck. Very little happens in it. Ninety-five percent of the story is a guy wanting to see the oracle, going to see the oracle, and receiving a prophecy, and you drag 'wanting to see the oracle' in particular out as long as you can. 'I once had my future told by an oracle.' 'I decided to have my fate revealed to me by the oracle at the temple.' '“I wish to see the oracle,” I told him.' '“Oh great oracle, I have come to seek my destiny.”' Over and over and over again, you tell me the same thing: he wants to see the oracle. Condense it and move on! The repetitions aren't only annoying to read, they're wasted words and wasted time. I know nothing about your protagonist other than that he wants to have his fortune told. You could have spent some of your text giving him a personality.

The final five percent is the protagonist doing exactly what the oracle said s/he would. Why? No idea. There's no dramatic shock to this, you know. Without a sense of who the protagonist is or why he does what he does, all tragedy and frankly all interest is missing from your final revelation. Nor does the story say anything profound about fate, if that was your intention. You toss out some platitudes and then have the protagonist fulfill the prophecy as though that proves something. It doesn't.

Grammatically... actually, your grammar's not all that bad. Your basic mechanical errors are small and few: 'become' when the traditional phrase is 'come of age,' 'God' capitalized when the context says it should be in lowercase, two different people speaking in your second-to-last paragraph--okay, that's not a small error. That's abominable. But you mostly did fine on the technical front. Your prose, though, is bland to a fault. Simple prose isn't always bad, but you've partnered it here with scenario familiar enough to be a fantasy/myth cliche, and the result is literary whey.

You should focus on plot and characterization as you keep writing and competing; you gave me neither here, and that just won't do.

Uncle Salty posted:

^^ That's some good fiction writing advice, there. FREE ON THE INTERNET!

The thing that sets off all my alarm bells about Benny is the repeated phrases: "I'm gonna", "I'm gonna lean in", "I did good" and "my plan is to". If you go through his posts, you see variations of that mindset repeated. Benny the Snake, you're always either planning for something (that seems far enough away that you don't have to do anything) or patting yourself on the back for the simplest, most basic task. I believe in baby steps. In fact, I am supposed to be writing a cover letter right now, but I've only done the outline and now I'm here, avoiding my real work. But you don't get to congratulate yourself for "leaning in" after making a phone call in response to a craigslist posting.

I supervise a person who needs praise for completing every single task, including arriving to meetings on time. It's incredibly frustrating to deal with this mindset so I made him start keeping a daily progress report on a google doc. That way, I figured I could support his workstyle, and keep on his every movement at my own pace.

Now, he comes to me to tell me that he updated the google doc.

Update your internal google doc, and move on to the next step.

Why am I even bothering.

No Longer Flaky posted:

Hey I posted in this thread, commend me.

DamnitGannet posted:

I still can't believe Benny hasn't been able to find even a job in fast food in a whole year. That boggles my fuckin' mind.

Sigma-X posted:

He has been fired from multiple jobs after a week on the job and puts them on his resume still. If I was the hiring manager at McDonalds and I saw someone that dumb I wouldn't hire them for fear they'd try to scoop fries out of the fryer by hand. There's "so dumb he can't function in the situation" and then there's "so dumb he can't recognize there is a situation" and Benny is firmly in the second camp.

Remember, he's the kind of guy who thought calling in drunk when he wasn't was a good idea.

No Longer Flaky posted:

One time I tried to call out of work because I was "sick". They asked me what I was sick with and I told them diarrhea. My friend had told me that was foolproof. It wasn't. They wanted me to get a doctors note. I got fired a few weeks later for no call no show.

I am still a better job candidate than Benny for any job ever.

No Longer Flaky posted:

One time I tried to call out of work because I was "sick". They asked me what I was sick with and I told them diarrhea. My friend had told me that was foolproof. It wasn't. They wanted me to get a doctors note. I got fired a few weeks later for no call no show.

I am still a better job candidate than Benny for any job ever.

Pfirti86 posted:

Wait, you had to go to the doctor to get a note anytime you called in sick? Like, what if you just had a nasty cold or something? You feel like poo poo and don't want to spread it to your coworkers, but you're hardly going to see a physician over something so easily resolved (and pointless to see a doctor for, considering that they can do gently caress all for colds besides tell you to drink water and munch on cough drops).

Benny, have you tried to use any of your family connections to find work lately?

No Longer Flaky posted:

Hey I posted in this thread, commend me.

No Longer Flaky posted:

Who the hell goes to the doctor for diarrhea?

Grin and Tonic posted:

Man, you motherfuckers are gonna be sorry when you see Benny's name on the New York Times bestseller list

Grin and Tonic posted:

Man, you motherfuckers are gonna be sorry when you see Benny's name on the New York Times bestseller list

Benny the Snake posted:

I doubt it. I constantly put myself down, calling myself an idiot and my writing poo poo. Thanks to counseling I'm catching myself doing it, but it's a hard habit to break. That was my mindset when I posted my first Thunderdome story. I kept telling myself it was poo poo and I expected the bad criticism. Now I'm actually taking my time with my new Thunderdome story and I'm confident that it's a good story. Not anything that will win me this week's prompt, but good enough.

Speaking of which, I have until ten my time to post my story. Is there anyone out there who'd be willing to take a look at it? I don't feel comfortable enough posting it here, but I'd be willing to send it to you. My main concern is that even for an anecdote, it's too much tell and not enough show. My AIM handle is on my profile: feel free to reach me there if you want to take a look at it.

DamnitGannet posted:

I still can't believe Benny hasn't been able to find even a job in fast food in a whole year. That boggles my fuckin' mind.

Benny the Snake posted:

I hope this redeems myself

Ursine Asylum posted:

I wish someone with an english degree could tell me why this sounds so awkward. "this redeems me", or "i redeem myself" both sound better, but I don't for the life of me know what sort of grammatical rules dictate this sort of sentence structure.

Ursine Asylum posted:

I wish someone with an english degree could tell me why this sounds so awkward. "this redeems me", or "i redeem myself" both sound better, but I don't for the life of me know what sort of grammatical rules dictate this sort of sentence structure.

Ursine Asylum posted:

I wish someone with an english degree could tell me why this sounds so awkward. "this redeems me", or "i redeem myself" both sound better, but I don't for the life of me know what sort of grammatical rules dictate this sort of sentence structure.

Shelf Adventure, sebmojo, and SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Ursine Asylum posted:

Man, I learn so much from this thread.

Benny the Snake posted:

The first thing I noticed was the giant holes in the ground in the back yard.

Benny posted:

I got my shirt stained and my Dodgers hat covered in white. I had to step outside after getting lightheaded off the fumes

Benny posted:

He came over and cut the trees down with a chainsaw. I watch dejectedly as he fed them into the wood chipper.