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Good job, Benny. I quite like the changes you made - much better than your first story. See how nice things can come out when you put even a small bit of effort into them? Now just stay focused, and keep up the better-ish work. It's not great by any stretch, but it IS better and that's something. Keep writing, keep getting input, and keep posting in the TD. When people burn your rear end up for something bad, fix it and move on. The more you write, the better you will be, and the closer you'll be to your end goals, whatever they might be for your writing.
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Feb 17, 2014 18:33
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I'm not a writer, so I'm going to pass on critiquing your story. However I will note that as a "general audience" it reads infinitely better than the oracle story. Now if only you could put as much effort into improving your job searching we might see you gainfully employed somewhere this year.
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Feb 17, 2014 19:26
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Good job Benny. Your new story is a start. Much better.
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Feb 17, 2014 21:09
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juche mane posted:Good job Benny. Your new story is a start. Much better.
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Feb 17, 2014 22:32
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Benny the Snake posted:Thanks. This story was written from a happy place, so I tried as much as possible to evoke that same kind of nostalgia that I have for those days when I was a kid. I think I'll try the soap opera inter-prompt. 
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Feb 17, 2014 23:30
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You know I let my academic advisor read my early writings and he's compared me to Jim Butcher. I know he's the writer of The Dresden Files series but I'm not familiar with those books. Should I be embarrassed, proud, or a little bit of both?
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Feb 18, 2014 03:55
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You should be GET A JOB nah j/k Benny, this new story evokes actual feelings and interest. Good job.
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Feb 18, 2014 04:00
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Jim Butcher writes urban fantasy that features a massive goon as a private eye wizard who acts like he's in a noir, but with faeries. Considering you're an e/n superstar - and I'm sure the thread would disagree - but you should probably read... less nerdy books, and go for lit fic by Hemingway et al.
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Feb 18, 2014 04:34
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The Saddest Rhino posted:Jim Butcher writes urban fantasy that features a massive goon as a private eye wizard who acts like he's in a noir, but with faeries.
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Feb 18, 2014 04:36
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The story was much better. Still needs work, but I can tell you spent more time on the second story. Both stories seemed to end abruptly so the flow of it was a little off.
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Feb 18, 2014 04:50
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Judgment is up, anyone who posted a story.
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Feb 18, 2014 05:05
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Benny the Snake posted:I've read Hemingway, actually. A few years ago I read The Sun Also Rises. His writing felt cold and emotionless to me. I prefer Fitzgerald, actually. Benny, I know you think you need to study the classics, and there's definitely merit to them, but you should check out contemporary fiction too since you're presumably going to be writing for a contemporary audience. If you figure out how to write for the past, definitely let us know. Try "The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" by Junot Diaz, or maybe something like "Everything Was Illuminated" by Jonathan Lethem. Or, poo poo, branch out and hit up Toni Morrison - "Beloved" is good as hell. I guess theoretically I should be suggesting short story collections, since short form fiction's a good place to start and get practice in how to keep things concise and to the point. I liked Miranda July's collection of shorts, or you could go nerdier and turn to Gaiman, I guess. I dunno. If you're going to be unemployed you may as well spend your time reading good prose to get an idea how to write it. Your second story was definitely an improvement over the first, though! Good luck, dude. Keep it up. e: Fitzgerald owns though definitely
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Feb 18, 2014 05:34
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Benny the Snake posted:You know I let my academic advisor read my early writings and he's compared me to Jim Butcher. I know he's the writer of The Dresden Files series but I'm not familiar with those books. Should I be embarrassed, proud, or a little bit of both? I'm glad that you wrote a nice story here and that you're getting some positive vibes, but holy poo poo this is funny. In all seriousness, good luck with your next story and your job search this week.
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Feb 18, 2014 05:35
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Aqua Bear posted:I'm glad that you wrote a nice story here and that you're getting some positive vibes, but holy poo poo this is funny. 
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Feb 18, 2014 05:42
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Benny the Snake posted:I've read Hemingway, actually. A few years ago I read The Sun Also Rises. His writing felt cold and emotionless to me. I prefer Fitzgerald, actually. Well to be honest, you have a very flat register, almost paratactic in style, which is something Hemingway was known for. You don't have Fitzgerald's opulent, romantic tone. So if you want to play to your natural style (as it exists right now), it's Hemingway or the highway. You could do worse; good parataxis is hard, but incredibly powerful and evocative. Also very rewarding to write.
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Feb 18, 2014 06:05
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Benny, did you see how Fanky Maloons offered more in depth critique of stories if you PM them? It would be wise to take them up on that offer.
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Feb 18, 2014 06:09
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Croc Monster posted:Well to be honest, you have a very flat register, almost paratactic in style, which is something Hemingway was known for. You don't have Fitzgerald's opulent, romantic tone. 
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Feb 18, 2014 06:33
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Benny the Snake posted:Reading Raymond Chandler was what inspired me to embrace minimalism as my writing style, actually. Of course, Chandler doesn't compare to Hemingway, but I like Chandler better Don't get too hung up on reputation. Read poo poo you enjoy, dude. It doesn't matter if Hemingway has more cachet if you can't stand him. It's like you're going through the motions and not allowing yourself to have an opinion. You're allowed to hold and defend your own beliefs even if they don't align perfectly with the literary canon. There are a lot of reasons to dislike Hemingway even though he's feted as some kind of uber-writer in some circles. Like, there's probably a ton of people who would agree with you on Chandler being better, or at least on not liking Hemingway. Whatever inspires you, man. ... Why am I posting in this thread?
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Feb 18, 2014 07:08
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A Tin Of Beans posted:Don't get too hung up on reputation. Read poo poo you enjoy, dude. It doesn't matter if Hemingway has more cachet if you can't stand him. It's like you're going through the motions and not allowing yourself to have an opinion. You're allowed to hold and defend your own beliefs even if they don't align perfectly with the literary canon. There are a lot of reasons to dislike Hemingway even though he's feted as some kind of uber-writer in some circles. Like, there's probably a ton of people who would agree with you on Chandler being better, or at least on not liking Hemingway. On the other hand, I definitely came to enjoy his writing as I read more and I got a better grasp of telling stories. There's a real elegance to his prose that's beautiful to a writer in the same way the pyramids are beautiful to a builder: there are no gaps at all, and every little piece is just so in creating something huge and monumental. Jim Butcher is ... uh. Well, he's a lovely guy and his books are fun as hell. They're intelligently lowbrow, if that makes sense. At one point, Harry Dresden saves the day by riding in on a zombie T-Rex, guns blazing. That was kinda defining moment in understanding Butcher for me: dude doesn't care if it's batshit or over-the-top, so long as it's fun. He's about as far from Hemingway as you can get, for better or for worse.
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Feb 18, 2014 07:51
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Benny the Snake posted:Reading Raymond Chandler was what inspired me to embrace minimalism as my writing style, actually. Of course, Chandler doesn't compare to Hemingway, but I like Chandler better Read what speaks to you. It is very good to try new authors and get a feel for things but it's also important to have passion for what you are writing. If you don't like it, you won't make anyone else like it either. If you like Chandler, maybe give Elmore Leonard a try if you want to explore more minimalist stuff. Hes known for his sharp and snappy writing. As far as Jim Butcher is concerned: the dude isn't literary if that matters to you but he sells books so I wouldn't take a comparison to him as an insult. Your writing will change on its own as you develop as a writer and find your voice anyways. So if you don't like that style you won't stay there for long if you keep working on your craft. Also, kudos for submitting to dome twice in a row now. Keep it up. Dome often, dome hard. Get critiques, learn, and improve.
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Feb 18, 2014 08:17
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:Hemingway is kinda strange like that. I remember I used to hate him for the same reasons Benny does, and I brought that up with some midlist fantasy author online and he told me to get off his forum and never come back. I think a lot of writers feel far too strongly about Hemingway. Oh, yeah, there's definitely something to be said for the austerity of Hemingway's prose. Dude was really good at cutting to the heart of things sometimes, and managing to evoke ... emotion? understanding? without a ton of words. There's a kind of tedious masculinity to a lot of his stuff, though. I haven't read him in a while and remember generally liking his work but after a while it wore on me a bit. Like, I won't tell anyone if they should or shouldn't like Hemingway, you know? You said it: a lot of writers feel far too strongly about Hemingway. v  v I was just trying to encourage Benny to think for himself, because you really are allowed to dislike Hemingway, or like him, and it doesn't actually matter that much whether others do or not.Read what you like, write what you want. Keep doing both and you're bound to improve at both. Maybe. Hopefully. Possibly, unless you're Benny, then you'll probably just crash your word processor into a car in the parking lot. 
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Feb 18, 2014 17:46
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I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and say that I am also interested in an hour-by-hour breakdown of a day in the life of Benny. I remember the first breakdown and I'm interested in finding out if any of his daily behaviors or patterns have changed now that we are a year into Benny's thread.
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Feb 19, 2014 14:51
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Benny, with where you are now and what you have done and leaned over the last year, do you stil consider things like AmeriCorps and teaching English overseas to be options of last resort? Because you spoke of these a year ago as things you'd do if nothing panned out in a few months. Well, it's been more than a few months. What do you think of these options now?
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Feb 19, 2014 22:04
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I guess I'll go ahead and bump this. Did you ever get a call back from those jobs you've applied to?
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Feb 23, 2014 01:57
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Aqua Bear posted:I guess I'll go ahead and bump this. Did you ever get a call back from those jobs you've applied to? Starter Wiggin posted:Benny, did you see how Fanky Maloons offered more in depth critique of stories if you PM them? It would be wise to take them up on that offer. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 04:59 on Feb 23, 2014 |
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Feb 23, 2014 04:46
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Benny the Snake posted:Nope. I'll call the shoe company on Monday. Fanky is a she. Post in the thread requesting a crit.
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Feb 23, 2014 05:07
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sebmojo posted:Fanky is a she. Post in the thread requesting a crit.
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Feb 23, 2014 05:15
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My Thunderdome story is up: "The Great Lego Train Robbery". This one was harder on me since I was only given 750 words, but overall I like it.
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Feb 24, 2014 04:45
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Please tell me “Nutsy, hold the sack" was on purpose.
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Feb 24, 2014 05:25
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Thora posted:Please tell me “Nutsy, hold the sack" was on purpose.
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Feb 24, 2014 05:40
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The writing is decent, but there's way, way too many cliches in there. Most of the dialogue I've heard countless times before. I did like the cow crud line, though. Real talk man: I hope you are considering this to be a hobby/fun way to pass the time rather than as something that has any dollar signs attached to it in the future.
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Feb 24, 2014 07:05
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I think I finally figured it all out, this thread is just a kid trying to get goons to write/critique his English homework for him. Well played, Benny.
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Feb 24, 2014 07:39
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Benny the Snake posted:...yes, yes it was. I don't know if that makes it better or worse. It seems forced.
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Feb 24, 2014 07:54
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Arkane posted:The writing is decent, but there's way, way too many cliches in there. Most of the dialogue I've heard countless times before. I did like the cow crud line, though. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 08:09 on Feb 24, 2014 |
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Feb 24, 2014 08:07
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Benny the Snake posted:I'm in no position to make any kind of money off my writing so yeah, this is just a way to pass the time/dip my toes in the water. Are you trying to write for fourth-sixth graders? Is that your intended audience?
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Feb 24, 2014 14:47
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Why are all the people that are trashing Benny's hobby in this thread either lovely writers themselves or an unknown quantity? Lay off the man-boy.
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Feb 24, 2014 18:30
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I do love that everyone told him to write and that he'd write poo poo for a long time before he gets better, and now he's writing poo poo and everyone is in shock. At least there is some construction criticism you can glean from this thread.
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Feb 24, 2014 18:46
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Benny, for all the other faults, I have to credit you with at least sticking with it. No, it's not breathtaking writing, but you're doing what you said you would do. And your writing is getting marginally better (to me, not that I'm some expert, just in terms of readability) with each week. So please stick with it.
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Feb 24, 2014 18:55
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Spiteski posted:I do love that everyone told him to write and that he'd write poo poo for a long time before he gets better, and now he's writing poo poo and everyone is in shock. I think it's bordering on cruel to hold out hope to Benny that he can become a good writer.
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Feb 24, 2014 19:06
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Spiteski posted:I do love that everyone told him to write and that he'd write poo poo for a long time before he gets better, and now he's writing poo poo and everyone is in shock. It's almost like there's 50 or so people reading the thread, 15 of whom are still holding out hope and pressing Benny to do better and the the rest are just making GBS threads on him 24/7
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Feb 24, 2014 20:09
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