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  • Locked thread
Shadowhand00
Jan 23, 2006

Golden Bear is ever watching; day by day he prowls, and when he hears the tread of lowly Stanfurd red,from his Lair he fiercely growls.
Toilet Rascal

OneWhoKnows posted:

This is the old Slow Motion on steroids, but Slow Motion has amended his ways...

At least for this month

:sweatdrop:

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LloydDobler
Oct 15, 2005

You shared it with a dick.

I guess I could throw my best friend under the bus, I try to coach him - it's not like I'm a financial genius, but I'm better than he is.

An example of his financial logic: I had a good year in 2007 where I made almost double my annual salary, and he was broke but planned to blow $500 for a stereo for his truck, because his old one died. I decided to get him a stereo for his christmas present, and upped the budget to $700 so he could get something a little better than what he was planning. A really good head unit and speakers maybe. Instead of being happy with a free stereo, he decides to up his own stereo budget to $800 and gets a $1500 system with multiple amps and subwoofer and everything.

So yeah sometime around 2009 he declares bankruptcy with an annual income around $80k and a consumer debt of over $100k - This is purely just from buying toys and eating out. Saltwater fish tank, a tv in every room, new DVDs and CDs every month, a $200 a month phone plan that gets streaming TV on it, etc. He has no hard assets of any kind, his cars are now depreciated and it's all high interest due to his debt to credit ratio. It was to the point where bankruptcy was the only option because hsi bills and minimum payments consumed all his income.

The court says because of his income they can't discharge the debt but they consolidate it into a principal payback plan with no more interest. 5 years of payments at $1800 a month. Twice his rent, nearly half his take home pay.

During this time he's relatively responsible, can't get credit so he makes all his payments and lives on cash. After 3 years of this he decides he's sick of apartment living, and empties his 401k with penalty, to get a down payment for a house. Buys a quite decent but not expensive house, but then gets blindsided by the income tax on the 401k cash withdrawal, which takes the other chunk of money he set aside from the 401k to upgrade the new house. So he goes back to living on cash, this time with no retirement but his mortgage payment is less than his rent was, so in his mind life is great. Living check to check and paying the one big bill.

Fast forward to mid 2013. With 15 months left to go on the bankruptcy payment plan, the court returns his check. He freaks out, thinking he's going to miss a payment or something and calls them up. Turns out he gets the best/worst gift he could have ever received. His creditors chose to write off $27,000 of his debt and so even though the court ordered him to repay it, he no longer had to pay it. He's done.

Now, does my freshly debt-free friend learn his lesson and sock away that new found $1800 a month cash infusion, and keep living on a budget like he had been doing?

HAHAHAH oh hell no. BRAND NEW SUV TIME! Well, okay, 2 year old lease return SUV time. Less than 3 months debt free and he's already back in debt $25,000. But to him that's not debt, that's just a car loan. It's normal to have car loans, you always have to have a car loan unless you're a poor who drives beaters, like he did for the last 5 years. He's not poor anymore so he deserves a new car. New TV is coming soon, as well as eating out almost every meal like he did before the bankruptcy. I also catch him shopping for vintage muscle cars and motorcycles.

I love the guy, he's my best friend and I'd step in front of a train for him, but fuckin' a he's thick headed when it comes to money.

RisqueBarber
Jul 10, 2005

LloydDobler posted:


I love the guy, he's my best friend and I'd step in front of a train for him, but fuckin' a he's thick headed when it comes to money.


I'm sorry you have to be a spectator to that. It would be really tough for me to watch one of my best friends continue to gently caress up their life.

Blue_monday
Jan 9, 2004

mind the teeth while you're going down

CatsOnTheInternet posted:

Jesus. I don't understand why it's so common for seemingly intelligent, educated people fail to anticipate how expensive children are.

Many moons ago my father ballparked that I cost probably close to ten grand in my first year of life. And thats with socialized medicine so no paying for the birth itself.

I think my sister had pretty good method of ensuring she had enough resources for her child. Keep in mind she has always known she would be a mother. She bought second hand clothes for a 0-3 year old, some essentials like a crib, baby monitor, and some toys over probably about 3-4 years before she had a kid. So that spreads out some basic costs fairly evenly. Of course, you need to factor in having a relatively stable living environment instead of having to cart this stuff from place to place. When the baby was born she took full maternity leave, and she made her own baby food (if I'm not mistaken), though you need to do a time/cost analysis for yourself to see if its worth while.

cowofwar
Jul 30, 2002

by Athanatos
People in third world countries that live on a couple dollars a day manage to have and raise kids. They don't have to be expensive.

There are lot of people that make poor financial decisions when it comes to children but having children in of itself is not a poor financial decision.

For instance:

Formula vs breast milk
Kijiji baby gear vs retail baby gear
Jars of baby food vs home made baby food
Day care vs shared extended family or friend care
Baby toys vs pet toys
Disposable diapers vs reusable cloth diapers
Buying a new room+1 house vs crib in living area or bunk beds

There are lots of costs but many can be managed. Some costs like day care are difficult to avoid but those should be socialized. There are many poor people who raise kids on a budget with no problems. The problem is that some people have poor financial skills, not that they have children.

cowofwar fucked around with this message at 01:20 on Feb 19, 2014

Giant Goats
Mar 7, 2010

cowofwar posted:

For instance:

Formula vs breast milk
Kijiji baby gear vs retail baby gear
Jars of baby food vs home made baby food
Day care vs shared extended family or friend care
Baby toys vs pet toys
Disposable diapers vs reusable cloth diapers
Buying a new room+1 house vs crib in living area or bunk beds

There are lots of costs but many can be managed. Some costs like day care are difficult to avoid but those should be socialized. There are many poor people who raise kids on a budget with no problems. The problem is that some people have poor financial skills, not that they have children.

Babies are also one of those areas where it's easier to save money when you already have money. It's easier to breast feed when you have a job that offers maternity leave or allows you to pump on the premises. Cloth diapers and making baby food likewise require a significant amount of time and start-up costs.

Tony Montana
Aug 6, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
In that vein here is a talk I listened to recently that I sent to my friends with kids.

Prompted by the need to choose one for his own children, David wanted to know the tangible differences between government and fee-paying schools.

He found that many commonly held beliefs about education aren't supported by research. Among the biggest surprises, he says, is that class size doesn't matter.

He also looked at the vested interests which mean our students, across the board, compare poorly with those from some countries with far fewer computers, and much bigger classes.


http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2014/01/30/3934902.htm?&section=article&date=%28none%29

It's about the Australian school system and how private schools don't perform better than public ones when you look at the data. It's relevant to Americans because the American private eduction system is out of control and our school generally perform better than their American counterparts.

OneWhoKnows
Dec 6, 2006
I choo choo choooose you!

cowofwar posted:

People in third world countries that live on a couple dollars a day manage to have and raise kids. They don't have to be expensive.

There are lot of people that make poor financial decisions when it comes to children but having children in of itself is not a poor financial decision.

For instance:

Formula vs breast milk
Kijiji baby gear vs retail baby gear
Jars of baby food vs home made baby food
Day care vs shared extended family or friend care
Baby toys vs pet toys
Disposable diapers vs reusable cloth diapers
Buying a new room+1 house vs crib in living area or bunk beds

There are lots of costs but many can be managed. Some costs like day care are difficult to avoid but those should be socialized. There are many poor people who raise kids on a budget with no problems. The problem is that some people have poor financial skills, not that they have children.

Are your comparisons meant to show ways where raising a baby can be cheap(er)?

spwrozek
Sep 4, 2006

Sail when it's windy

OneWhoKnows posted:

Are your comparisons meant to show ways where raising a baby can be cheap(er)?

I am also confused. A lot of those choices are not about money but convenience or some you don't even have a choice (like daycare). Weighing the cost and benefits is being good with money.

Cicero
Dec 17, 2003

Jumpjet, melta, jumpjet. Repeat for ten minutes or until victory is assured.

OneWhoKnows posted:

Are your comparisons meant to show ways where raising a baby can be cheap(er)?
All the options on the right are cheaper, except for the baby gear one.

OneWhoKnows
Dec 6, 2006
I choo choo choooose you!

Cicero posted:

All the options on the right are cheaper, except for the baby gear one.

It's completely situation-based, though.

Some mothers don't produce enough breast milk and formula is really the only option
Day care was already covered
Cloth diapers take a fairly significant up-front cost that a lot of people can't cover

I wouldn't say having a child is a poor financial decision, but having and raising a child isn't cheap. And I think saying that a lot of poor people raise kids is a bit of a bad example.

VideoTapir
Oct 18, 2005

He'll tire eventually.

cowofwar posted:

People in third world countries that live on a couple dollars a day manage to have and raise kids. They don't have to be expensive.

There are lot of people that make poor financial decisions when it comes to children but having children in of itself is not a poor financial decision.


Once when I was 11 or 12, my mom and I saw some news report about the average cost of raising a kid to age 18. We sat down and figured out how much my brother and I were costing, including fractions of every household cost, and we were about 1/3 the national average (in Alaska, at that).

We were, however, mostly healthy. My half sister (born a few years later) was not, and had something in the neighborhood of a million dollars in medical bills, covered by mostly by insurance and the state. What was left pretty much ruined my mom's retirement plans, and the experience ruined her health.

My wife and I are thinking of having a kid. If we do, she's going to give birth in China, where even if you have a seriously complicated birth it costs less than having a healthy kid does with insurance in the US; and where if need be she and the baby could live for years on a fraction of my savings. (Also since that's the only way for the kid to end up with both Mainland Chinese and US citizenship.)

Staryberry
Oct 16, 2009
Day cares usually demand that children wear disposable diapers rather than fabric, which can make fabric diapers untenable.

Not everyone lives near family, has family who have the time to devote to child care, or would trust family members with their child.

Other people have brought up that formula is sometimes a necessity, due to physical issues, job issues, etc.

Just as not everyone can live or wants to live on rice and beans, children can be expensive. Not everyone has kids and can afford to give them everything they want, but you should probably hesitate to have kids if you can't afford to give them what they need.

Cicero
Dec 17, 2003

Jumpjet, melta, jumpjet. Repeat for ten minutes or until victory is assured.
Obviously, not all of cowofwar's suggestions are universally applicable.

OneWhoKnows posted:

I wouldn't say having a child is a poor financial decision
It totally is pretty much all the time*, but that doesn't mean it's a bad life decision.

*even if you raise 'em cheap, you're essentially taking on a contract for a second job for the next 18 years, a second job where it is guaranteed you will lose money

FearCotton
Sep 18, 2012

HAPPY F!UN MAGIC ENGLISH TIEM~~~

Cicero posted:

Obviously, not all of cowofwar's suggestions are universally applicable.

It totally is pretty much all the time*, but that doesn't mean it's a bad life decision.

*even if you raise 'em cheap, you're essentially taking on a contract for a second job for the next 18 years, a second job where it is guaranteed you will lose money

It's just that while people ideally PLAN before buying a house they typically don't with kids--because it seems creepy to have spreadsheets related to people, even if they are people who will cost AT LEAST $700 in diapers in their first year.

As for the "cheaper" options listed, you're really limited if your middle-to-lower income in the US. If you're lucky enough to get a daycare stipend provided by the government they're typically places that don't allow breastmilk/homemade baby food because of storage concerns and who do not cloth diaper. My best friend works for a charity whose sole job is making sure people get diapers/bottles/teethers/clothing for their children. Diapers make up 90% of their business and they have to turn a lot of folks away.

meanieface
Mar 27, 2012

During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.

VideoTapir posted:

Once when I was 11 or 12, my mom and I saw some news report about the average cost of raising a kid to age 18. We sat down and figured out how much my brother and I were costing, including fractions of every household cost, and we were about 1/3 the national average (in Alaska, at that).

We were, however, mostly healthy. My half sister (born a few years later) was not, and had something in the neighborhood of a million dollars in medical bills, covered by mostly by insurance and the state. What was left pretty much ruined my mom's retirement plans, and the experience ruined her health.

My wife and I are thinking of having a kid. If we do, she's going to give birth in China, where even if you have a seriously complicated birth it costs less than having a healthy kid does with insurance in the US; and where if need be she and the baby could live for years on a fraction of my savings. (Also since that's the only way for the kid to end up with both Mainland Chinese and US citizenship.)

#2 was $2.5k out of pocket total just for maternity care and birthing the darn thing. I paid out of pocket for the breast pump because I ran out of time to keep fighting with insurance (who were technically supposed to provide us one free of charge). I've had to politely remind my boss once or twice that I need access and time for pumping, and she's just "OF COURSE". [If any USA goons want help tracking down what exactly your legal rights are, and nice ways to tell your boss, I am all over it.]

I'm incredibly thankful for boobs, as they provide awesome baby food. And for cloth diapers from #1, and a working washing machine.

My increased food costs (because mom has to eat more to make the milk) are significantly less than formula costs, and my budget's still going :psyduck:.

..

Speaking of bad with money, we're going to show on paper that we made a huge chunk in profit last year. Because we 'own' part of a family company on paper. I hate you, paper money. You're not real, and I have to pay taxes on you. :argh:

TheDeviousOne
Sep 11, 2001
I work with a guy who goes out to eat for lunch every day. $5-10 daily on lunch, without exception. He's ~23, single, and earns enough money to where he can 'afford' to do this. It doesn't stop there, however. 2-3 times per week he will make a run to the coffee shop for a $4 coffee + $4 breakfast sandwich. Probably goes through a pack of smokes per day as well.

I didn't realize his spending habits were so bad, at first. One day, he offered to buy me a coffee if I made the trip to the coffee shop. I agreed and it worked out pretty well. I felt badly after I noticed his spending habits. Especially when I overheard him asking his cell phone company for an extension on his bill until he gets his next paycheck.

On top of the bad spending habits, he recently got a DUI, his second, as it ends up. I was thinking to myself, "well, surely now that he's going to be out a lot more money, he'll cut back on the lunches/coffee/whatever." But, no, they've continued like nothing ever happened. I only know that he got a DUI because he missed work for a couple days that he spent in jail. This time was spent in jail because he couldn't afford the bail, which was said to be around $1000.

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you

TheDeviousOne posted:

On top of the bad spending habits, he recently got a DUI, his second, as it ends up. I was thinking to myself, "well, surely now that he's going to be out a lot more money, he'll cut back on the lunches/coffee/whatever." But, no, they've continued like nothing ever happened. I only know that he got a DUI because he missed work for a couple days that he spent in jail. This time was spent in jail because he couldn't afford the bail, which was said to be around $1000.

Driving drunk, in addition to being an irresponsible and stupid life choice, is really being bad with money. Doesn't the average DUI cost like $10k or something after lawyers/fines/fees?

Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Dec 22, 2005

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS
To be fair, the chance of getting caught is probably pretty low and I would guess the expected cost is lower than that of taking a cab home in many places.

...Please don't drink and drive.

OneWhoKnows
Dec 6, 2006
I choo choo choooose you!

Cicero posted:

Obviously, not all of cowofwar's suggestions are universally applicable.

It totally is pretty much all the time*, but that doesn't mean it's a bad life decision.

*even if you raise 'em cheap, you're essentially taking on a contract for a second job for the next 18 years, a second job where it is guaranteed you will lose money

Nope, I'm pretty sure my 4 month old daughter is going to be a billionaire who will take care of me in about 19... maybe 20 years.

Poldarn
Feb 18, 2011

I marathoned this thread over my last couple night shifts. It was like a car crash and I couldn't look away...

I work with a guy, Carl, who has a story like many of those in this thread. 22 years old and never moved out of his parents house, which they rent from his aunt. They also gave him their old beater car. He talks about how much he spends on booze and strippers, so we know exactly where his money is going. Carl was never allowed to get a dog so when his parents went on vacation for a month, he bought a dog! When I asked him how the thought his parents would react he said "Huh, I didn't really think of that. Pretty mad I guess". We told him to get ready to find a place. Parents come home, freak out, but let him keep the dog on the condition he doesn't tell the aunt because she made them sign a no pet lease. Predictably the aunt finds out and says Carl goes, they all go, or Carl pays her a $1000 damage deposit for the dog. Carl's take-home is ~1700 a month, but despite having almost zero expenses couldn't save $1000 if you put a gun to his head, so his parents are breaking their lease to move out and continue to let Carl do whatever he wants. Carl also says he shouldn't have to pay the deposit, because they're family.

As an aside Carl dotes on his stupid pit bull cross but complains that it's too hyper and is always biting him. I get him to leave me alone by telling him that the City is going to put it down after it bites some kids face off. Then I get sad because it probably is going to bite some kids face off.

Whoever said this thread was therapy is right, I feel a little better now :unsmith:

Breetai
Nov 6, 2005

🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

LloydDobler posted:


But to him that's not debt, that's just a car loan. It's normal to have car loans, you always have to have a car loan unless you're a poor who drives beaters, like he did for the last 5 years. He's not poor anymore so he deserves a new car.

And this is the thing for so many people. I had an ex who had completely maxed out a $4,000 credit car, was working on maxing a second, and was paying minimum payments only because 'everyone has credit card debt, except you; you're weird'.

Her credit cards were 100% consumer crap - it was all shiny baubles and DVD boxsets. The normalisation of consumer debt in people's minds is a terrible trend.

That said, that's not where the trainwreck with her ended. She was making close to Australian minimum wage working as a vet nurse, had no savings, yet on a whim moved out of her mother's house and into a 1-bedroom-1-other-room shitbox 50 meters down the road but couldn't afford whitegoods so needed to use her mum's place to do her laundry, and kept 2(!) horses in a nearby paddock for the extremely rare occasions that she would take them out showjumping, which means she needed a new trailer, which means that she needed a 4WD to tow it... until 3 months later she decided that she didn't want to showjump any more, leaving her with a horrible beater shitbox of a thing that needed its engine replaced entirely twice in the 2 years we were together, and that she only bought because a salesman talked her into spending more on a 2nd-hand range rover without a warranty than she would have on her original choice - an as-new factory second jeep Cherokee with warranty.

In the end she worked out a budget for herself; as long as no unexpected expenses arose, she's have $12 per week left over after her necessities were paid off with the minimum CC payments included. This was with no savings. She was in a situation where if an unexpected expense of >$12 came up in any given week, she would literally have no recourse other than adding it to her credit card debt.

Sephiroth_IRA
Mar 31, 2010

CatsOnTheInternet posted:

Jesus. I don't understand why it's so common for seemingly intelligent, educated people fail to anticipate how expensive children are.

How do poor people afford so many then? :colbert:

Seriously, I want to know that. I know there's help from the government (and the kids are entitled to it) but jesus is it really that much?

:smith:

Sephiroth_IRA fucked around with this message at 14:35 on Feb 19, 2014

CheesyDog
Jul 4, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Orange_Lazarus posted:

How do poor people afford so many then? :colbert:

They can't.

Sephiroth_IRA
Mar 31, 2010
I don't have a problem with them receiving help but it does just blow my mind to see a family with 3-5 kids and a slammed grocery cart when I have anxiety issues over having just one.

edit: My guess is they do receive help (which is fine) but if I followed them home and lived a few days in their shoes I wouldn't be jealous of them.

Sephiroth_IRA fucked around with this message at 14:37 on Feb 19, 2014

Harry
Jun 13, 2003

I do solemnly swear that in the year 2015 I will theorycraft my wallet as well as my WoW

canyoneer posted:

Driving drunk, in addition to being an irresponsible and stupid life choice, is really being bad with money. Doesn't the average DUI cost like $10k or something after lawyers/fines/fees?

That's on the high end. And the court system is understanding where they gouge you over 2 or 3 years.

silicone thrills
Jan 9, 2008

I paint things

Orange_Lazarus posted:

How do poor people afford so many then? :colbert:

Seriously, I want to know that. I know there's help from the government (and the kids are entitled to it) but jesus is it really that much?

:smith:

Kids, with out private school, with out college, cost on average upwards of $250,000 over 18 years. This takes into account owning a house/apt with an extra room, the insane cost of health insurance, school supplies, food, rando costs. Obviously if you don't do any of the extras, don't get your kid health insurance, etc it can be much cheaper. You can get lucky and have a super super healthy kid and it will be cheaper. However if you end up with a premie, a complicated pregnancy, a kid that breaks bones frequently, a kid that does stupid poo poo, etc the cost sky rockets.

(In the US) Honestly the healthcare is really what murders people here. Kid breaks their arm? Get ready to pay your whole $2000 deductible today.
My SIL had a perfectly healthy easy birth and WITH insurance it was $5,000 OOP.

Leroy Diplowski
Aug 25, 2005

The Candyman Can :science:

Visit My Candy Shop

And SA Mart Thread

Orange_Lazarus posted:

I don't have a problem with them receiving help but it does just blow my mind to see a family with 3-5 kids and a slammed grocery cart when I have anxiety issues over having just one.

edit: My guess is they do receive help (which is fine) but if I followed them home and lived a few days in their shoes I wouldn't be jealous of them.

Kid expenses are like furniture, cars, computers, or any other expense. You can spend as much or as little as you want. Most areas have a facebook group for passing around used baby stuff as well as a few young mothers' social groups. Between those groups and our friends we have spent zero dollars on our son beyond food and medicine the one time he was sick. His budget category is $200 per month, and I don't think we've ever spent the full amount allowed.

The best part is: He plays really well with other kids, so my wife and I get asked to babysit a lot. (for $$$ of course) It's not really much more bother to watch two toddlers than it is to watch one, so at the end of the day our kid pretty much pulls his own weight in the family finances. We have plans to send him to work at a textile factory as soon as he turns eight.

Joking aside, I get kinda annoyed with people who say "so-and-so shouldn't have kids because they don't make enough money."

Reproductive choice is a basic human right.

Also, I don't think that having or not having kids really makes much of a difference to people who are bad with money. They'd either be broke with kids or be broke without them.

In the interest of this thread:

I just went with a friend of mine last night to buy a car. He makes significantly more than I do with no kids or pets, but his car broke down, and he told me he only had $300 to his name. I'm not sure where his money goes, (actually I am: it's expensive food and booze) but he was about to go to one of those no money down, your job is your credit, shady rear end places to get a car.

I told him I'd mock him relentlessly if he takes out a used car loan, and let him use my work van for a couple of weeks. He was finally able to get a clean '96 escort for $900 cash yesterday from some old dude who used to be an airplane mechanic. :unsmith:

Leroy Diplowski
Aug 25, 2005

The Candyman Can :science:

Visit My Candy Shop

And SA Mart Thread

Tigntink posted:

Kids, with out private school, with out college, cost on average upwards of $250,000 over 18 years.

According to the US dept of health and human services the cost of raising a child is only around $72,000 and that takes into account 3% inflation.

devmd01
Mar 7, 2006

Elektronik
Supersonik
I must say i'm incredibly grateful for the position my wife and I are in vis a vis her due date in August, as we've been planning for a kid for the last two years. She's a teacher and will be taking the entire first year off, so we've been saving a ton of money each month to help cover the loss of that income. Even so, when we put together our estimated budget for that income loss it was quite a shock to go from dual incomes to one. Of course, I say this while still being able to save for retirement, save for a new car, start a massive term life policy, and pay down extra on my student loan, so thankfully we're not examples for this thread.

Healthcare is the great unknown however and what I worry about the most. Even assuming a healthy normal birth, out of pocket costs should just barely be covered by the short term disability she'll receive. God dammit America.

devmd01 fucked around with this message at 18:46 on Feb 19, 2014

silicone thrills
Jan 9, 2008

I paint things

Leroy Diplowski posted:

According to the US dept of health and human services the cost of raising a child is only around $72,000 and that takes into account 3% inflation.

This is have i've been going by http://money.cnn.com/2013/08/14/pf/cost-children/

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you
Family member is in the Army (first mistake), and bought a condo in an Army town (second mistake) with his wife and daughter. Now, guess what? 2 years later it's time to move! They can't sell it, and can't afford to make payments on their old condo and wherever they're moving next.
So his parents help him out. Dad's a lawyer and makes a decent living, but is not wildly wealthy. Mom and dad buy the condo from them for whatever they owe on it, and continue making mortgage payments. It's about 2500 miles away, and they have no use for it. So they rent it out.

Within a few months, they have tenants from hell, who cause $30k worth of damage (!!!) and disappear.

At the same time, another daughter is getting divorced after 12 years of being a full-time stay at home mom, and is in dire need of the family safety net for herself and her 5 kids. Also, they need to help out another daughter who is finishing up a teaching degree, because they didn't realize that her final semester of student teaching is unpaid (to be fair, they are not from the US, and had no idea).

Sort of just a crappy situation. One son makes a bad housing decision, parents choose to intervene to help out, and crisis after crisis comes up. They could have handled either the condo thing alone, or any of the other stuff together, but not all of them at the same time. :negative:

tuyop
Sep 15, 2006

Every second that we're not growing BASIL is a second wasted

Fun Shoe

canyoneer posted:

Family member is in the Army (first mistake), and bought a condo in an Army town (second mistake) with his wife and daughter. Now, guess what? 2 years later it's time to move! They can't sell it, and can't afford to make payments on their old condo and wherever they're moving next.
So his parents help him out. Dad's a lawyer and makes a decent living, but is not wildly wealthy. Mom and dad buy the condo from them for whatever they owe on it, and continue making mortgage payments. It's about 2500 miles away, and they have no use for it. So they rent it out.

Within a few months, they have tenants from hell, who cause $30k worth of damage (!!!) and disappear.

At the same time, another daughter is getting divorced after 12 years of being a full-time stay at home mom, and is in dire need of the family safety net for herself and her 5 kids. Also, they need to help out another daughter who is finishing up a teaching degree, because they didn't realize that her final semester of student teaching is unpaid (to be fair, they are not from the US, and had no idea).

Sort of just a crappy situation. One son makes a bad housing decision, parents choose to intervene to help out, and crisis after crisis comes up. They could have handled either the condo thing alone, or any of the other stuff together, but not all of them at the same time. :negative:

Why doesn't your military cover those costs? That's honestly the worst part of this story.

Here, if you have to move for the army and sell your home when it's not advantageous to do so, the military eats the loss and all the associated costs. This totals like 60-100k quite regularly.

It sounds like your family member might have opted to be a landlord instead, which is not a good idea because the incentives to do otherwise are generous.

OneWhoKnows
Dec 6, 2006
I choo choo choooose you!

Leroy Diplowski posted:

According to the US dept of health and human services the cost of raising a child is only around $72,000 and that takes into account 3% inflation.

$72,000 over how many years? Over 18 years (or $4,000/yr or $333/mo) that seems like a gross underestimation and/or a best case scenario kind of deal.

spwrozek
Sep 4, 2006

Sail when it's windy

E:^day care alone runs $1000+ a month. So basically $50k for the first 4 years

Everyone I know in the military that buys a place plans to move soon and hires a management company to rent it out for them. Most only want other army families. My old boss has two places paid off in Killeen TX that he just rents out all the time. Seems to work well. Being a landlord had risks, not sure getting a crazy tenant is exactly bad with money. Parents buying the place maybe not a good idea. Most military people I know we're in for 4 years and got free college and never left America.

spwrozek fucked around with this message at 19:41 on Feb 19, 2014

baquerd
Jul 2, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

spwrozek posted:

E:^day care alone runs $1000+ a month. So basically $50k for the first 4 years

In a major city, a good day care can run $2k a month pretty easy. If one partner is making under $40k or so, it doesn't make any sense for them to work.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Dec 22, 2005

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

baquerd posted:

In a major city, a good day care can run $2k a month pretty easy. If one partner is making under $40k or so, it doesn't make any sense for them to work.

That is, unless they have a career that they can't stop and start at their leisure. I would think that taking ~5-6 years off or however long would torpedo most careers, so you still gotta evaluate that part of the opportunity cost.

vvv I dunno, I wasn't gonna rule out strangely progressing careers that start out there and then rocket up, my point was just that don't get to skip the thinking part of the routine.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS fucked around with this message at 20:35 on Feb 19, 2014

baquerd
Jul 2, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Jeffrey posted:

That is, unless they have a career that they can't stop and start at their leisure. I would think that taking ~5-6 years off or however long would torpedo most careers, so you still gotta evaluate that part of the opportunity cost.

If they're making under $40k, they're already at the bottom of any serious career path. Drop down to part time, have the other partner work from home on those days, and you're set.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011

Jeffrey posted:

That is, unless they have a career that they can't stop and start at their leisure. I would think that taking ~5-6 years off or however long would torpedo most careers, so you still gotta evaluate that part of the opportunity cost.

vvv I dunno, I wasn't gonna rule out strangely progressing careers that start out there and then rocket up, my point was just that don't get to skip the thinking part of the routine.

This is a huge deal. I'm in a field that is relatively "parent friendly" (government social work) but taking 4 years off to save child care (assuming you start preschool at age 4) means that you will have to work four extra years before retirement and lose your seniority standing for that time, thus meaning that if government layoffs happen (again, as always, no ifs) then you are now at the bottom of the list and first out the door. It's a tough situation, and often childcare is the only answer. For those that rely on relatives, it is also a strain, as you are either costing them career opportunity (young relatives) or straining an older relative with young children.

My stepmother is also a social worker and my father is a lawyer and they borrowed $400 from me this month because his bar dues were up at the same time the childcare bill was due for my 3 and 5 year old sisters. And this is with my 19 year old sister going to school at night and working part time to provide childcare two days a week to lower their overall bill. Her senior year of high school she did independent study and did full time childcare for the youngest baby.

Even with a big supportive family, it can be tough, and in fact can be more difficult to rely on family if they are all gainfully employed and upward bound. If that 19 year old had nothing better to do but provide childcare, great! But she wants to go to college, goddammit.

I work with poor families who raise children just fine, but it is often at the cost of upward mobility. They can't afford to take inflexible full time work, or earn too much so their benefits get cut off, or live in a home by themselves and not with extended family. This becomes a problem when, say, their husband becomes abusive but his family provides all your childcare.

I speak as the safety net for people who don't have money to be bad with: children are expensive, children are limiting, children are still worth it. The mom in the situation I described above has six kids, no support since her separation, and still leveraged the older two into college tracks. She will likely never retire or afford nice things, but she is very clear that children were her priority anyway.

Bad with money moment: Being imminently threatened with the loss of custody of children you've had in your care for six years because probate legal guardianship costs ~$900 to complete, showing up to cry at my desk driving a brand new car on your lunch break from your good job at a bank. Half my job is financial counseling/life coaching.


Edit:

baquerd posted:

If they're making under $40k, they're already at the bottom of any serious career path. Drop down to part time, have the other partner work from home on those days, and you're set.

I can't tell if you live in the real world or not. You do realize people who aren't in tech can't work from home, right?

Mocking Bird fucked around with this message at 21:03 on Feb 19, 2014

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silicone thrills
Jan 9, 2008

I paint things

Trilineatus posted:




I can't tell if you live in the real world or not. You do realize people who aren't in tech can't work from home, right?

Living in a major city on the west coast can really really taint your ability to think about the living situations of people in the rest of the country. That attitude is super common in Seattle where almost all the couples I know are in the situation i'm in - one person works a low paying/good benefit gov job - one person works tech.

Luckily I grew up in TN so I know how good i've got it and how rare this situation is outside tech cities.

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