|
Not inadvertently racist, but last night I asked the five year old if the crane toy was really worth crying and screaming about (they weren't sharing.) His answer: "Yes Mommy! That's why I'm crying and yelling!" Flawless logic.
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2014 15:06
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 15, 2024 19:45 |
|
|
At church the other day, an Australian member of the congregation convinced one of the pastor's daughters to dress up in a kangaroo suit for Australia Day and her 3-year-old sister FLIPPED OUT. After the service she was bugging her mother for a lolly, so I decided to distract her by asking her to help me "look for the kangaroo." As we looked, the little sister said to nobody in particular "Excuse me have you seen a kangaroo? Her name is [redacted]." (We did find her. After the big sister took off the costume, the little sister started bugging ME for a lolly.)
|
|
#
?
Jan 28, 2014 19:45
|
|
|
When I was 8 and in school, we had to make little cutouts and write what we wanted to be when we grew up on them. Mine said 'a Happy Meal worker'. The sad part was, I got my wish in high school and it was not as magical and glamorous as my 8-year-old self envisioned.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2014 23:06
|
|
|
 "LOOK SPONCH I CAN WINK WITH BOTH EYES!!!" "You mean blinking?" "Oh..."
|
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2014 08:21
|
|
|
When I was a pre-schooler, I apparently told some sweet old lady in a shop that I lived in a "Chinese brothel" since that's what my mum said my room looked like (because she was racist as hell - for those of you who don't know that expression it's a charming way of saying dirty/messy)
Ambystoma has a new favorite as of 09:53 on Feb 5, 2014 |
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2014 09:49
|
|
|
Ambystoma posted:When I was a pre-schooler, I apparently told some sweet old lady in a shop that I lived in a "Chinese brothel" since that's what my mum said my room looked like (because she was racist as hell - for those of you who don't know that expression it's a charming way of saying dirty/messy) My father always preferred the more neutral "like a bombed whorehouse".
|
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2014 12:06
|
|
|
My two year old nephew was over visiting. First thing in the morning, my sister and I are having coffee and watching him play. Our Great Dane, Belle is nearby sleeping on her ottoman. Without any prompting, he walks up to the dog gives her a big hug and says "I love you, Belle." Our immediate reaction was  Five seconds later, my sister frowns. "He doesn't even say that to me!"
|
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2014 14:13
|
|
|
"My sister was trying to get the wops out of her socks and then the wops bit her." Wasp
|
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2014 16:03
|
|
|
At the grocery store the other day, a 4-year-old-ish girl kept saying (loudly) to her mom "MOM, EVERYBODY LIKES ME." I hope that confidence never goes away
|
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2014 16:39
|
|
|
I grew up in a very non- relgious house and my birthday is on Christmas. When I was little, I just assumed all the lights and decorations were because everyone was celebrating my birthday.
|
|
#
?
Feb 7, 2014 17:38
|
|
|
omnibobb posted:I grew up in a very non- relgious house and my birthday is on Christmas. When I was little, I just assumed all the lights and decorations were because everyone was celebrating my birthday. I always felt sorry for the kids who had birthdays on or immediately before/after Christmas. They always got ripped off, present-wise. At least all the ones I knew, anyway.
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 06:05
|
|
|
Retail Slave posted:I always felt sorry for the kids who had birthdays on or immediately before/after Christmas. They always got ripped off, present-wise. At least all the ones I knew, anyway. One of my cousins was born on Christmas Day, and it still sort of sucks for her even though she's in her 30s now and has kids. Every year when we all get together there's always a slow trickle of "Oh yeah, happy birthday..." from the family.
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 06:54
|
|
|
I work in Peds oncology and I had a kid playing a game on his tablet the other day. I asked him what it was and he said "plants vs zombies". I expressed my doubt that plants could kill zombies and he said "well the zombies are mentally retarded" Of course.
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 07:18
|
|
|
Computer viking posted:My father always preferred the more neutral "like a bombed whorehouse". My parents too. And it was true, for both me and my little sisters. You could say it's still true for all of us, even as grown-ups. omnibobb posted:I grew up in a very non- relgious house and my birthday is on Christmas. When I was little, I just assumed all the lights and decorations were because everyone was celebrating my birthday. My birhtday is on the 24th of October (the UN day), so in kindergarten, everyone always made a fuzz out of that day, and I thougth it was because of my birthday.
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 15:11
|
|
|
My younger sisters birthday is in early December as well so my parents were always very good about handling my birthday as its own thing and making it special and making sure I received a similar amount of gifts. My friends when I was older were lame though.
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 16:42
|
|
|
My birthday's December 19th. My folks always made it special when I was a kid, but it sucked when I was in college. I had precisely one friend who was still in town on my 21st
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 18:00
|
|
|
My mom's birthday is on Halloween. When she was a kid she thought everyone was giving her candy for her birthday. This year my brother was passing out candy and for the kids who were too old to be trick-or-treating he would make them sing happy birthday to my mom to get candy.
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 18:06
|
|
|
My dad and I both have birthdays a couple days after Christmas. When he was young, his family made no effort to separate the two, and he often didn't get birthday presents because they'd just had Christmas. When I was born the day after his birthday, he swore that he would never do the same thing to me, and my parents always made my birthday a separate and special event. For actual content, the first time I talked to my now fiancee on the phone when we were in high school, my mom was babysitting my then 3-year-old nephew. In the middle of my phone conversation, my nephew raised the soft pretzel he was eating and shouted with triumph, "Soft pretzel deactivate!" My fiancee laughed about it for the rest of our talk, and now it's an inside joke of ours. My nephew had a habit of hearing really big words and trying to use them. When he was around the same age, he told my mom that he wanted her to give the cashier the money for his candy bar because he got "inducted" when he talked to people he didn't know. He also said some creepy stuff, like when my sister was driving with him on a back road when he was just old enough to form sentences. Nephew: Oh, that looks like where I died. Sister: What are you talking about? Nephew:  You know! Back when I had my other mom!Sister: 
|
|
#
?
Feb 8, 2014 18:34
|
|
|
I posted this in the 'what made your day' thread, but it fits better here. Haskell9 posted:I visited my cockroach-filled back shed with my 8-year-old nephew and his dog, for a few tools. Dog started chewing on something and lil' neph's like eww she's eating a roach! I told him I was glad since I was tired of stepping on a hundred of them every time I open the door. He got this weird smile on his face and I asked him Well What and he said, "you got 99 problems cause the bitch ate one." I just stared at him for a second then told him to get the gently caress outta here and he ran off laughing. Little poo poo. That was great. Non-reposted content: my 7 and 9 year old daughters are obsessed with MLP to the point that if they could acquire bus tickets to the magical land of Equestria they'd skip town without so much as a thank-you-Dad. If I were to introduce them to the fanatical brony I work with they could probably talk shop for hours. (NOT EVER HAPPENING) Last Saturday they had the following conversation while they watched the episode - 7: "Rainbow Dash's boyfriend is bad. He's never around."[/i] 9:"She should date Applejack instead." 7:"Girls can't have girl boyfriends." 9:"They can unless they're mormons." 7:"Daddy, are we mormons?" Me:" Uhh, no." 7:"Ok, Applejack can be her boyfriend."  If they buy fedoras I'm disowning them.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2014 00:55
|
|
|
When my brother was little, he had a serious aversion to toilet training, especially regarding poop. So to goad him into it, my mom always dangled the promise of a happy meal over his head. Finally, one day he successfully did the deed, and so he went with my mom to McDonald's. They were waiting around and it was pretty busy, and so my brother, who of course considered McDonald's a grand occasion, asked my mom why so many people were there. "For the same reason you are," My mom said, meaning to eat. And my brother got all excited and shouted, "Because they all went poop on the toilet?!"
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2014 01:04
|
|
|
Crow Jane posted:My birthday's December 19th. My folks always made it special when I was a kid, but it sucked when I was in college. I had precisely one friend who was still in town on my 21st Mine's May 19th. Same exact problem, different semesters   Couldn't even do a half-birthday party either since my half birthday always fell over Thanksgiving break.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2014 02:42
|
|
|
Datasmurf posted:My birhtday is on the 24th of October (the UN day), so in kindergarten, everyone always made a fuzz out of that day, and I thougth it was because of my birthday. Hey, we have the same birthday. My parties were Halloween-themed as a kid. But what the hell kind of kindergarten makes a fuss about the founding of the UN? Mine was all about the finger painting and poo poo like that.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2014 09:02
|
|
|
My 4-year-old cousin caught a glimpse of my parents' very messy bedroom and she called it a closet. Also when I was 6, I tried to convince my mom that Pokemon had scientific merit.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2014 09:32
|
|
|
Crow Jane posted:My birthday's December 19th. My folks always made it special when I was a kid, but it sucked when I was in college. I had precisely one friend who was still in town on my 21st Hey, birthday buddy! We lived in Florida when I was a kid, so my parents would celebrate my birthday on June 19. The year we moved away, I had two birthdays - one in June, we moved in July, then another in December. It's been Christmas/Birthday since then. I have a friend whose birthday occasionally falls on Thanksgiving, though. NOBODY remembers your birthday if it's Thanksgiving.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2014 13:57
|
|
|
Aquatic Giraffe posted:Mine's May 19th. Same exact problem, different semesters I feel your pain end-of-semester birthday buddy. The only time it worked in my favor was my high school graduation falling on that day.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2014 16:35
|
|
|
My 6 year old nephew was told by his 7 year old cousin that you're not "a big boy" until you're 7. So for the last while my nephew has been insisting he's 7. If you call him on it, he uses the same response every time: "Well if I'm not 7 then I'm 5. And if I'm 5 I'm 4. I'm 3". Basically word for word, every time. Nobody has any idea what the hell he's talking about.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2014 16:44
|
|
|
My almost 4 year old niece once overheard my brother shout "Neeeeeeeeeerd!" at me. Now whenever she talks to me on the phone or sees me, she shouts the same thing. It reduces me to tears of laughter every time. She also promised that she'd make me a special monster catcher when I go to see her next weekend. I dunno why she thinks I'm being plagued with monsters to the point of needing something to catch them, but hey I'm not gonna argue with it. You can never have too much protection against monsters 
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2014 17:40
|
|
|
I overhear daft wee conversations between kids and their parents on the train sometimes. From a 10-year-old boy: "Dad... You know how you're a vegetarian? Well, plants are living things, you know. You ought to eat something else, like chairs." A 5-year-old girl: "Daddy, can we go to the pool?" "No, sweetie, we have to do the shopping today." "Oh. Bum." "Don't say 'bum', 'bum' is a bad word." "'Bum''s not a bad word. 'gently caress''s a bad word."
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2014 19:50
|
|
|
Bertrand Hustle posted:Hey, we have the same birthday. My parties were Halloween-themed as a kid. No idea why. The trend continued into elementary school too. Halloween weren't really big in Norway when I was a kid. We'd heard about it, sure, but it wasn't practiced anywhere. Most of what I remember from kindergarten mostly involve me and my pervy friend building houses from giant "lego" blocks and mattresses and trying to get the girls to show us their genitalia. Apparently I came home one day and told my parents proud that I now had seen the genitalia of all the girls in kindergarten. Not sure if they ever did or said anything about that.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2014 22:10
|
|
|
When I was very young, I used to think Oblivion was some kind of sewer city under people's bathtubs where people lived and did regular stuff. Because mom always used to tell me "Be careful when you stand up in the tub! You could slip and fall into Oblivion" EDIT: I also recently visited Disney World and went to see the little "It's tough to be a Bug" show they do with 3D effects and interactive parts like smells and blasts of air. As we were exiting, I heard a little girl in the crowd ask  "Mommy! That was so cool! How do they do that?" "They do it with 3D" "How does that work?!" "...Actually...I don't know...We'll look it up when we get home."I don't know why, I just thought that little exchange was adorable. Buggiezor has a new favorite as of 17:30 on Feb 18, 2014 |
|
#
?
Feb 18, 2014 17:17
|
|
|
My bf's niece was crying at dinner the other night. Crying so hard she wouldn't eat, completely inconsolable. Her parents put it down to her being tired and let her go chill out. Once she stopped crying she came back and finished her dinner and calmly explained that she was upset because there weren't enough yellow things in the house. The couch and cups and plates could all be yellow and they aren't.
|
|
#
?
Feb 18, 2014 17:31
|
|
|
Shannonmcn posted:Once she stopped crying she came back and finished her dinner and calmly explained that she was upset because there weren't enough yellow things in the house. The couch and cups and plates could all be yellow and they aren't. My neighbor's daughter once woke her mother in the middle of the night to tell her "No bananas." Kid really hated bananas.
|
|
#
?
Feb 19, 2014 07:16
|
|
|
5 year old  : "Guess what? I can run so fast that wind comes out behind me!"
|
|
#
?
Feb 24, 2014 17:42
|
|
|
My kid just had his fourth birthday and one of his friends gave him a 10 dollar bill. I took him to the store to pick out and buy a toy - the first time with his own money! What a big boy he is! As we were riding home and he was playing with his toy, he asked what happened to his dollar bill. I told him he gave it to the cashier so he could get the toy. He then asked "Well, when is she going to give me my money back?" If only it worked that way...
|
|
#
?
Feb 24, 2014 18:18
|
|
|
Kid (of about 10): What's this? Me: ...It's a pencil. Kid: Oh. Can I have it? Me: ...No. Now I feel kinda bad because if the kid didn't know what a pencil was at 10 he probably needs one 
|
|
#
?
Feb 24, 2014 20:29
|
|
|
My 4 year old is a source of gems. We were standing at the line at Arby's and she proudly exclaimed while we were waiting in line: Her: Daddy! I want to work here when I grow up! Me: Oh honey, I had such higher expectations for you, like college. Her: Don't get your hopes up.  She's another one that when she farts she proudly has to tell everyone she did it and then wants to know if you can smell it. If you say no, she'll try and waft it your way and then ask again. This will continue until you say yes. Edit: Almost forgot, any time she's introducing us to strangers (school etc.) she always ends with "We're a strange family". Kodilynn has a new favorite as of 21:18 on Feb 26, 2014 |
|
#
?
Feb 26, 2014 21:16
|
|
|
You've got an awesome kid, congratulations.
|
|
#
?
Feb 26, 2014 21:25
|
|
|
I agree: Kodilynn, your kid indeed sounds awesome. To contribute, I submit this:  Evil clown face demon--with measles no less? No. Self portrait. It went like this: The Kindergarten Dinosaur was in the bathroom off the kitchen in the mirror doing this for school. I was in the kitchen cleaning up and we were talking.  Don't forget your freckles on your nose! But I already colored my nose. Oh? What color did you use? Black. ...Oh-kay.Then he emerges with the harvester of souls up there. I asked him why his teeth were sharp, and he replied "because that would be awesome!". I asked him why they were pink and he helpfully told me that was the pink part teeth come out of, duh. He did admit that he made his freckles a little bit big, but that he liked them. And he remembered his eyes were blue! Big achievement. I hadn't laughed at this point, I was totally playing it straight. I sent him to go put it away, and then he asks, "Do you think I made me look girly?" Um...no. I'm afraid to even ask, but why? "Because I made my hair more curly. I should draw something else to make it more boy." And that was when I lost it. I managed to choke out that he looked fine and to please not draw any more on it (I don't think my heart could have taken it). He started laughing at me laughing, and I ran off to the bathroom to finish dying without scaring him for life. That scrawl on the edge was the note I tacked on for his teacher.
|
|
#
?
Feb 27, 2014 22:05
|
|
|
When my nephew was four, he went through a phase where he had bad dreams every night. Once, he was having a bad one, and he talked in his sleep enough for his mom to figure out what the nightmare was about. All she could make out was, "No... No! Not... the sausages!"
|
|
#
?
Feb 27, 2014 22:12
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 15, 2024 19:45 |
|
|
Because we're awesome parents she watches Bobs Burgers with us. We were driving home from school the other day and she was dead quiet in the back, which is rare. Out of nowhere we have this conversation: Her: Daddy are you listening to me? Me: Yeah, what's up? Her: You don't feed a man a sponge daddy. YOU DON'T FEED A MAN A SPONGE. She was deadpan and very serious when she said it then went back to being quiet. She's insanely fascinated with how the body works and blood, guts, etc. with my wife being a nurse she tends to ask a lot of related questions but can't always pronounce the body parts. Her: Mommy, I wanna see my libert! Us: ??? Your what? Her: My libert! Cut me open so I can see my libert! Wife: You mean your liver? Her: Yeah! I wanna see my libert and make sure it's working!
|
|
#
?
Feb 28, 2014 17:24
|
|