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sebmojo posted:In the past year I: That's on my to-do list but I keep forgetting.
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Mar 1, 2014 04:22
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sebmojo posted:In the past year I: Just put that as "Hands-on genetic transfer technology" on your résumé.
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Mar 1, 2014 05:12
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In the past year I have:
I think I need to masturbate more onto shopping carts or something, this list of mine is pretty lackluster. Any suggestions?
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Mar 1, 2014 05:29
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Dex posted:I'm proud of you and hope this year is even more productive. Thx mum.
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Mar 1, 2014 06:18
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I think you'll fit right in at Sears
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Mar 1, 2014 14:41
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Arian_Samurai posted:I think you'll fit right in at Sears Agreed - Sears has a whole section dedicated to tools that only work for a week before breaking down.
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Mar 1, 2014 21:52
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Yeah you didn't get the Sears job. It's a cashier position. You would know right away if you got hired because they would tell you to drug test asap and come back immediately for computer training. I worked there when I was 18 as a sales associate and the cashiers were high school kids or 50 year old ladies.
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Mar 1, 2014 23:50
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DangerZoneDelux posted:Yeah you didn't get the Sears job. It's a cashier position. You would know right away if you got hired because they would tell you to drug test asap and come back immediately for computer training. I worked there when I was 18 as a sales associate and the cashiers were high school kids or 50 year old ladies. You mean Benny didn't get the job where he awkwardly slipped a written-up thank-you note to the interviewer after it was over? I'm shocked.
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Mar 2, 2014 02:31
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Benny needs to post a YouTube video of him doing a mock interview. I think that's the only way to help him figure out what he's doing wrong.
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Mar 2, 2014 16:52
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Dude benny seriously apply at a gas station. There is literally no way you're not qualified enough to work at a gas station, and there is no way you could possibly get fired.
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Mar 2, 2014 16:55
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Benny the Snake, can you give us examples of how you were a good cashier?
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Mar 2, 2014 17:03
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Uncle Salty posted:Benny the Snake, can you give us examples of how you were a good cashier? To his credit, he did say he managed to push a lot of Target credit cards when he had that gig, which is definitely something that would look good to the Sears manager. It's a shame he couldn't bring it up without explaining why he was dismissed from Target.
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Mar 2, 2014 17:04
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lexan posted:To his credit, he did say he managed to push a lot of Target credit cards when he had that gig, which is definitely something that would look good to the Sears manager. It's a shame he couldn't bring it up without explaining why he was dismissed from Target. That's bullshit. To say that he couldn't bring it up is stupid on his part. If you're a good writer of fiction you're a good liar. Lie the gently caress out of that poo poo. I have been fired from two jobs before and I always list them on my resume because 1.)they're not going to call them for a reference and 2.) they were not large portions of my employment history. Just lie. Sears isn't going to call every previous job that every person who is attempting to apply to them had. Lie out your rear end Benny. Lie all the time. Any time that you don't know what to say just lie.
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Mar 2, 2014 17:06
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No Longer Flaky posted:That's bullshit. To say that he couldn't bring it up is stupid on his part. If you're a good writer of fiction you're a good liar. Lie the gently caress out of that poo poo. I have been fired from two jobs before and I always list them on my resume because 1.)they're not going to call them for a reference and 2.) they were not large portions of my employment history. Reminder that Benny's idea of a good lie was calling in with a hangover.
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Mar 2, 2014 17:10
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Dex posted:Reminder that Benny's idea of a good lie was calling in with a hangover. Hmmm, I'm still catching up on what Benny has said so far but that doesn't sound too different from when I called in sick to work once with "Diarrhea". My boss said that I needed a doctors note. Who the gently caress asks for a doctors note for Diarrhea? I guess Harris Teeter managers do.
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Mar 2, 2014 17:12
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The hangover was the lie, he was planning to tell his manager that.
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Mar 2, 2014 17:19
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Dex posted:The hangover was the lie, he was planning to tell his manager that. Lol, holy poo poo. Welp maybe lie but ask the thread first if the lie is stupid or not. Never call out for a hangover. Just FYI everyone reading this thread.
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Mar 2, 2014 17:26
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No Longer Flaky posted:Hmmm, I'm still catching up on what Benny has said so far but that doesn't sound too different from when I called in sick to work once with "Diarrhea". My boss said that I needed a doctors note. Who the gently caress asks for a doctors note for Diarrhea? I guess Harris Teeter managers do. I assume they suspected you where telling a lie.
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Mar 2, 2014 17:48
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CellarDweller posted:I assume they suspected you where telling a lie. Yeah but I stood tall and leaned in. They never asked for the doctors note when I showed up the next day. I told them really gross poop stories too. Also the only reason I used that stupid lie is because my friend who had worked for the company for a year before I had told me that that was a fool-proof call out reason. He said they had never questioned him for it before. I'm not sure if he was loving with me or not, but I did it. Later I was fired from that job because they wouldn't change my schedule when I asked them to cut back my hours because I was in high school and needed to spend more time on my classes. When they wouldn't change my hours I started only showing up for shifts that I felt like working no matter without calling out of shifts I didn't want to work haha. I still listed them as a previous employer when going for the next job because no one in retail calls the previous employer to check. Literally no job in retail has ever checked up on it.
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Mar 2, 2014 17:53
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No Longer Flaky posted:Literally no job in retail has ever checked up on it. That's not exactly true. Most will call the former employer, but employers only confirm if you worked there and for how long. They will not say anything else for legal reasons.
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Mar 2, 2014 18:03
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Ms. Happiness posted:Benny needs to post a YouTube video of him doing a mock interview. I think that's the only way to help him figure out what he's doing wrong. Yesterday I wrote up two posts here -both of which I binned- essentially asking the same thing. There has got to be something fundamental we're missing, something extra-ordinary about his physical and/or vocal presence that we don't know about, because otherwise I'm at a loss as to why he can't get even a most basic job after so many interviews  Maybe if we see and hear him, we might pinpoint a specific problem. Maybe he has open, weeping sores on his face? Maybe he has a lisp or a stutter or speaks in wheezing, drooling breaths? Maybe he is genuinely 600 lbs? These are examples of things that, right or wrong, would turn off an employer, but if we knew about, we could help address. Or maybe it's something beyond our control, like a dead twin growing out of his chest which, if removed, would kill him. Either way, we need to know.
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Mar 2, 2014 19:22
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Croc Monster posted:Yesterday I wrote up two posts here -both of which I binned- essentially asking the same thing. We need to.
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Mar 2, 2014 21:47
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sebmojo posted:We need to. What's wrong with Benny, precious? What's wrong with Benny, precious?
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Mar 2, 2014 22:18
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The thing is, Benny has gotten jobs before. Jobs where he didn't hand a thank you note directly to the interviewer like five minutes after the interview was done. He's just really, really talented at getting fired. It honestly sounds like he interviews OK, but the actual jobhaving experience is what's beyond him. Benny, maybe you should start a Kickstarter for a book, then end up burning all the copies two years later when people ask why you still haven't shipped them?
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Mar 2, 2014 22:54
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No Longer Flaky posted:That's bullshit. To say that he couldn't bring it up is stupid on his part. If you're a good writer of fiction you're a good liar. Lie the gently caress out of that poo poo. I have been fired from two jobs before and I always list them on my resume because 1.)they're not going to call them for a reference and 2.) they were not large portions of my employment history. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 01:12 on Mar 3, 2014 |
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Mar 3, 2014 00:56
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Benny the Snake posted:Look, if I were to lie about Target, tell them that I was let go because of hours or some other innocuous reason, they'd follow up and call them. They'd see me as a liar and not hire me on the spot. I was let go from Target because of integrity issues: I didn't tell management about the incident and they weren't willing to risk further employment to someone who was bound to lie or not tell them anything. Honesty is more than just a word or a concept: it's a conviction to me. Maybe if I was more honest, I would've saved my job at Target. But I now know to be honest on the job and when finding a job. By leaving Target off your resume and applications you fill you, you're lying. I'm not saying you should put it on (because you shouldn't) but don't delude yourself into thinking you're being honest.
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Mar 3, 2014 01:04
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Benny the Snake posted:Look, if I were to lie about Target, tell them that I was let go because of hours or some other reason, they'd follow up and call them. They'd see me as a liar and decide not to hire me. I was let go from Target because of integrity issues: I didn't tell management about the incident and they weren't willing to risk further employment to someone who was bound to lie or not tell them anything. Honesty is more than just a word or a concept: it's a personal conviction. Maybe if I was more honest, I would've saved my job at Target. But I now know to be honest on the job and when finding a job. I don't know who you're lying to when you post garbage like this, but cool.
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Mar 3, 2014 01:08
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Bloody Queef posted:By leaving Target off your resume and applications you fill you, you're lying. I'm not saying you should put it on (because you shouldn't) but don't delude yourself into thinking you're being honest. It may be lying on applications that ask for job history, but it's not lying on a resume. A résumé is a marketing document, not a background check.
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Mar 3, 2014 01:14
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Smash your head repeatedly with shopping carts until your brain is fixed
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Mar 3, 2014 01:53
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Also my mom only lets me spend five bucks a month to get my cool gaga avatars back so I guess I'm stuck with this one for a while.
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Eris posted:It may be lying on applications that ask for job history, but it's not lying on a resume. A résumé is a marketing document, not a background check. Good point, but Sears probably has an application that asks for a detailed job history
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Mar 3, 2014 01:57
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Benny the Snake posted:Look, if I were to lie about Target, tell them that I was let go because of hours or some other reason, they'd follow up and call them. They'd see me as a liar and decide not to hire me. I was let go from Target because of integrity issues: I didn't tell management about the incident and they weren't willing to risk further employment to someone who was bound to lie or not tell them anything. I obviously have issues with integrity. But the way I see it, it's better to not say anything than to lie in the first place. You need to learn to lie by omission with misdirection! Manager: "So you worked here at target for a short time, why did you leave?" You: "I decided to focus solely on (blank) instead of working so I could put my full effort into one task." "I didn't like the way their management was structured, I felt they were micromanaging employees which encumbered general efficiency. What is the management structure here?" "The people at (blank) were nice but the lack of an adequate leader made it difficult to work, how do you motivate and encourage your employees?" etc...
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Mar 3, 2014 03:09
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Chobdab posted:You need to learn to lie by omission with misdirection! I would not hire someone who gave any of those answers. They give off huge "pain in the rear end" vibes.
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Mar 3, 2014 03:22
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I remember putting Target on my application to Sears. If they should ask about what happened, I'll tell the truth. Better they hear it from me first than for me to lie and them to find out from Target HR. I'm a liar by nature. Lying is as easy as breathing to me and it should be: I'm trying to be a writer, after all. But I'm glad that I'm not a habitual liar. I'm smart enough to know when to lie and when to tell the truth. In almost all cases, I'm honest and forthright. I've been honest with you guys because what would I get by lying to you? Nothing but bad things. Lying always manages to bite me in the rear end so I try to be careful about it. And just to let you know, if I won't tell the truth then I just won't say anything. There's plenty that I've been holding back from you guys because it's in my best interests to do so. It just works out better that way. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 05:26 on Mar 3, 2014 |
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Mar 3, 2014 04:08
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Benny the Snake posted:Better they hear it from me first than for me to lie and them to find out from Target HR. No one will ever hear it from Target HR. No one will even ask why you where fired. Target may not even say that you where fired.
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Mar 3, 2014 04:10
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Benny was actually dishonorably discharged from the military, is a convicted felon, and a registered sex offender. Only that trifecta could explain why he seems completely unable to get a job.
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Mar 3, 2014 04:22
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Benny the Snake posted:I'm a liar by nature. Lying is as easy as breathing to me Benny, if that's true, you need to see a loving pulmonologist right now, because you are a terrible liar.
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Mar 3, 2014 04:24
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Benny the Snake posted:I'm smart enough to know when to lie and when to tell the truth. You have demonstrated this not to be true, hangover dude.
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Mar 3, 2014 04:27
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Benny the Snake posted:I remember putting Target on my application to Sears. If they should ask about what happened, I'll tell the truth. Better they hear it from me first than for me to lie and them to find out from Target HR. You're an awful liar, Benny. I don't believe for a second that you're a writer.
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Mar 3, 2014 04:28
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Benny the Snake posted:I remember putting Target on my application to Sears. Then for the love of god, why didn't you tell the Sears manager that you used to work at Target and had a good record pushing the credit card?
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Mar 3, 2014 04:28
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Benny the Snake posted:Better they hear it from me first than for me to lie and them to find out from Target HR. No HR for a company of that size will ever give details on that, it opens them up to a wide range of liabilities that they would rather not pursue. All they will confirm is that you were once an employee, and for what period of time that you were an employee. It doesn't matter if you were a stellar employee or if you just spent all day running over small children in shopping carts, No retail company would ever say why you left, if they would hire you again, etc.
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Mar 3, 2014 04:30
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