|
Benny has neither confirmed nor denied that he is a sex offender. ...Right?
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 14:15
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 3, 2024 20:34 |
|
|
Dex posted:Benny, serious question here, what do you want in life? Like assuming you somehow got a book deal because some publisher wanted to share stories written by a retarded sex offender or whatever your deal is, so you actually had money to not mooch off your parents any more, what happens next? Or does your fantasy just end with "wow im a writer with my own tvtropes page and everything"? Benny, I know that people have just sort of made up this sex offender angle but you have never done a single thing to say it isn't true. Can you at least deny it so that people can move on from it? Also, why don't you address the two people claiming they proofread your story?
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 15:31
|
|
|
Benny the Snake posted:Also, I have a phone interview at the end of the week. You'll wont believe who it is, and I don't blame you: it's Target. You're actually trying to kill us, aren't you? What have we ever done to deserve this? (Aside from all the things we've done to deserve this.)
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 15:38
|
|
|
You could be the guy who cleans up the loads at the library
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 15:42
|
|
|
I was not expecting the Target redux plot twist. I hope his second run through of cart retrieval duty proves to be a smashing success. I am still hoping for an hour-by-hour breakdown of a day in the life of Benny (not an oddball interview day, just a normal Wednesday).
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 15:44
|
|
|
Benny the Snake is SomethingAwful's own resident CWC
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 15:44
|
|
|
Let me clear up the proofread lie thing: Illegal Carrot saw an earlier draft, but I can't tell from what he actually said whether or not he did a proofread of it. Here is a cut-down IRC log with the relevant parts: http://pastebin.com/9TbXLfuj (this conversation happened after the judges decided Bird of Fortune had lost, and Benny was supposed to claim it as his at this point, but he never did. This is why we are asking Carrot to tell us.) I don't think this is an ironclad lie we can catch him in unless Illegal Carrot confirms that he did proofread it rather than just "asked me for a critique".
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 15:46
|
|
|
Tyrannosaurus posted:Benny has neither confirmed nor denied that he is a sex offender. He also hasn't told us how long he's been beating his wife.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 16:04
|
|
|
Lead out in cuffs posted:He also hasn't told us how long he's been beating his wife. But that's an awful comparison because you can simply say 'no'. The joke about the second is that you can't give a yes/no answer. Did you think that through before posting?
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 16:19
|
|
|
t3h z0r posted:Remember that one kid in gradeschool that would follow you and your friends around with a dumb smile no matter how many times you told them to gently caress off. And you eventually had to shove them into a ditch and they still didn't get the message. And pretty soon you're just wailing on their stupid face and you still can't drive it into their skull. And you eventually realize with horror they will never get it. They are destined to wander through life completely oblivious to how loving stupid and useless they are. Their vacant, bovine eyes and slack grins will endure for eternity. And for every genius and luminary whose limitless contributions to society are cut short by cruel fate or self-destruction, an endless tide of Bennies will endure, their lives fulfilled by the successful operation of a shopping cart. Your words evoke anger, frustration, confusion and suffering. This is art. Benny the Snake posted:I've been a library page before and I had fun. Yet it's not on your resume and you've never mentioned it ITT. Are you going to put it on your resume? If the answer is no, just ignore the question like you always do, when the answer is "not gonna do it."
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 16:39
|
|
|
Benny the Snake posted:I a little compulsive when it comes to books: I'm constantly arranging them when I'm browsing through them in a library. This is loving great, the librarians constantly puzzled by how all the Anne Rice novels are shuffled in random patterns after Benny the Snack walks by.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 17:23
|
|
|
benny posted:
cname posted:Yet it's not on your resume and you've never mentioned it ITT. Are you going to put it on your resume? If the answer is no, just ignore the question like you always do, when the answer is "not gonna do it." It was probably in third grade.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 18:09
|
|
library page
|
Benny the Snake posted:Yeah, I meant that when I browse through books at a library, if I find one out of order based on the Dewey decimal system, I'll re-arrange it. Do you do that even if it's a library that uses the Library of Congress Classification system?
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 18:23
|
|
|
I know this might seem weird, OP, and maybe a little gay, but I want you to know that you're a real rebel and gently caress what everyone wants you to do, and that gives me a boner. You don't give a gently caress about what you should do, you go against the grain son. So what if your life is poo poo? So what if the chances of your thread becoming an E/N success story are effectively nil after more than a year (if the odds were ever in your favor to begin with; I'm betting not)? You gotta live your life, OP, and you shouldn't let anyone tell you how to do that. The world is out to get you and thwart your efforts at every turn to better yourself. Fight it, brother. Fight it. You've gotta clear your name and let everyone know it's not your fault. I believe in you, OP. No, not about becoming an E/N success story, but I believe in you about something and that's what matters. Shine on, you crazy diamond. You make my day every day, Che.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 18:24
|
|
|
Robot_Rumpus posted:But that's an awful comparison because you can simply say 'no'. The joke about the second is that you can't give a yes/no answer. Did you think that through before posting? Are you seriously arguing the semantics of a one-sentence sarcastic parody-comparison? The point is that Benny has enough issues, and provides enough frustration (or entertainment, depending on your perspective) without goons randomly making (actually serious and borderline libellous) poo poo up about him.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 18:24
|
|
|
Lead out in cuffs posted:Are you seriously arguing the semantics of a one-sentence sarcastic parody-comparison? So, I don't think anyone here is afraid of making 'borderline libelous' statements about him, what you said has nothing to do with a parody and I'm not sure you know what the meaning of the phrase you used is. Again, what's wrong with him just saying 'no'? Robot_Rumpus fucked around with this message at 18:34 on Mar 5, 2014 |
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 18:31
|
|
|
Robot_Rumpus posted:So, I don't think anyone here is afraid of making 'borderline libelous' statements about him, what you said has nothing to do with a parody and I'm not sure you know what the meaning of the phrase you used is. Because he lies by omission 
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 18:38
|
|
|
Refusing to acknowledge the completely ridiculous and uncalled-for question is absolutely the better choice here. I'm a bit astonished that it's the choice that Benny has made, but it's still unquestionably the right one.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 18:39
|
|
|
docbeard posted:I'm a bit astonished that it's the choice that Benny has made, but it's still unquestionably the right one. I am a little surprised, too. It's almost like he completely ignores half of the posts in this thread. That said, I *do* want an answer for why he lied about how many people proofread his story.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 18:57
|
|
|
4th Asclepiadean posted:I am a little surprised, too. It's almost like he completely ignores half of the posts in this thread. He probably doesn't even know why.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 18:59
|
|
|
Lead out in cuffs posted:The point is that Benny has enough issues, and provides enough frustration (or entertainment, depending on your perspective) without goons randomly making (actually serious and borderline libellous) poo poo up about him. There is absolutely nothing libelous —borderilne, serious, or otherwise— about any statements anyone here has made about Benny. Y'all need to carefully read up on what constitutes a libelous statement, son. Then again, you spelled (or should I say spelt) libelous with two "els" and are whiny, both of which imply you are a Britgoon, and we all know what kind of poo poo libel laws you have over there. Here in 'murica that don't fly. Then again further, given the chicken loving incident you yourself were involved with back in 2009, I'm not sure you have any leg to stand on here. :iamafag:
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 19:11
|
|
|
Sotar posted:He probably doesn't even know why. I think Benny is a sociopath and masturbates to this thread.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 19:16
|
|
|
Yo guys let's start a kickstarter to get money to make a documentary about a day in the life of Benny. Hell I bet those liberals in California might even give us an art grant.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 19:20
|
|
|
Stop slap-fighting each other, nerds. This thread is to enjoy the many splendored spectacle of Benny, and not for semantics arguments over the definition of Imaginary Libel.
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 19:40
|
|
|
So what steps have you taken towards becoming the next e/n success story today, Benny?
|
|
#
?
Mar 5, 2014 23:01
|
|
|
Aqua Bear posted:So what steps have you taken towards becoming the next e/n success story today, Benny? Fuckin' nothin'...
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 00:08
|
|
|
Aqua Bear posted:So what steps have you taken towards becoming the next e/n success story today, Benny? He hasn't replied to the thread, which is probably a good sign.
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 00:10
|
|
|
Ursine Asylum posted:He hasn't replied to the thread, which is probably a good sign. If he isn't reading this poo poo and beating his dick with a rope around his neck and Rammstein playing loudly on his radio, then I'm goddamn Liam Neeson.
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 00:14
|
|
|
life is killing me posted:If he isn't reading this poo poo and beating his dick with a rope around his neck and Rammstein playing loudly on his radio, then I'm goddamn Liam Neeson. All the while shouting (as best he can with a rope around his neck) "No, gently caress YOU mom! I'm KEEPING my comics!" as hot tears of impotent rage stream down his cheeks.
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 00:23
|
|
|
life is killing me posted:This poo poo goes beyond tough love, man...I think most people have since stopped trying to help you and moved on to making fun of you, and you keep coming back for more. life is killing me posted:If he isn't reading this poo poo and beating his dick with a rope around his neck and Rammstein playing loudly on his radio, then I'm goddamn Liam Neeson. Part of the ship, part of the crew. 
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 00:51
|
|
|
Downtown Abey posted:Stop slap-fighting each other, nerds. This thread crossed into Two Worlds territory awhile ago and must be destroyed for his own good.
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 01:11
|
|
|
t3h z0r posted:Benny The Snake is a mentally challenged masochist who has no intention of getting better, and this thread exists only to reaffirm his broken worldview and need for attention. We're all having quite a good time here, thank you very much Besides, I haven't yet posted the third and final chapter of my paean to Benny.
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 01:15
|
|
|
Croc Monster posted:We're all having quite a good time here, thank you very much Yeah, please get on that hombre.
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 01:19
|
|
|
Granted I would love to come back to this thread 5 years from now and see that nothing has changed.
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 01:19
|
|
|
Starter Wiggin posted:Yeah, please get on that hombre. You're not the boss of me MOM! Oh...I...sorry  I was channeling Benny there for a sec.Here ya go: The Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Luis Pedro Gonzalo y Merino Chapter 3 and Final: Dances with Snakes Holmes and Luis walked for miles. Soon they walked into an empty village that was empty of people. The buildings were all there, but not the people. A bird made a noise in the sky, and Holmes looked up at it. It was not the bird he saw flying in circles flying earlier, so he stopped looking at it. Luis tapped Holmes on the shoulder. "Yo, Holmes. I know this village. It's my village. But there should be people here." Holmes looked carefully around the empty village. Then he looked at Luis and spoke carefully. "Yes, Luis, where are your people?" Holmes and Luis walked into a dusty coffee shop full of empty tables. They sat at an empty table and looked at the dusty menus which were lying on the empty table. "Yo Holmes," Luis said, "I'm hungry. Let's eat". Holmes laughed a harsh laugh and barked at Luis "But there are no waitresses! How will we order our food?" Then someone came through the back of the restaurant. He walked through two creaking doors that swung open and closed like in a saloon. The person walked over to Holmes and Luis. The person took a dusty chair and scraped the chair on the ground and sat down on the chair at the table where Holmes and Luis were sitting. "Welcome to my village," the person said. "I am Benny." Benny talked again. "I am the person who brought you here. I made sure you got jobs at the gold mine, I made sure you saw the bird in the sky, and I made sure you walked to this village." Holmes looked at Luis. Luis looked shocked back at Holmes. Holmes looked at Benny and then asked him a question. "Why did you bring us here, Benny?" Benny answered Holmes by laughing a loud, shrill laugh. When he stopped laughing he got serious and said to Holmes "because I am the snakedancer. I dance with snakes and everyone calls me Benny the Snake. So I made you dance! I made everone in the village dance! For me!" Benny got up ominousy and pushed the chair away from the table. He yelled at Holmes and Luis. "I SAID DANCE!" he yelled. Holmes grimly stood up. Luis also scarededly got up. The hour had come. Holmes looked at Luis and asked him a question. A question he had always wanted to ask but never knew how. Now he knew how. "Tango?" Unity Gain fucked around with this message at 02:11 on Mar 6, 2014 |
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 02:08
|
|
|
Dying laughing that the six week volunteer canvassing position went from "internship" on page one to a "fellowship" on page 106.
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 04:16
|
|
|
Uncle Salty posted:Dying laughing that the six week volunteer canvassing position went from "internship" on page one to a "fellowship" on page 106. Go big or go home 
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 04:27
|
|
|
What exactly is a fellowship? Sounds like he was temporarily part of a cult. Speaking of which...
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 04:34
|
|
|
In my world a fellowship often means money. edit: wikipedia posted:In governments and non-profits oh cool, so he's basically lying again. crabrock fucked around with this message at 04:52 on Mar 6, 2014 |
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 04:41
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 3, 2024 20:34 |
|
|
crabrock posted:In my world a fellowship often means money. In mine, it involves some poo poo rear end ring. But YMMV.
|
|
#
?
Mar 6, 2014 04:41
|
|