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Sailor Viy posted:On the last page you admitted you hadn't gotten laid in 3 years. Do you think you're qualified to write a guide to dating? In retrospect, I find the the fact that some of the people who admitted to being adult virgins in this thread offer relationship advice in other E/N threads hilarious.
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Mar 14, 2014 16:33
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Zack_Gochuck posted:In retrospect, I find the the fact that some of the people who admitted to being adult virgins in this thread offer relationship advice in other E/N threads hilarious. Yeah but his advice actually isn't bad. There are plenty of people who are doing pretty well and give terrible advice so it's not a perfect correlation or anything. I get what you're saying though, lots of posters offer advice when they really don't understand the situation and probably should not be listened to. The truly amusing thing is when dudes who are actually afraid of women explain to the rest of us how women actually operate.
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Mar 14, 2014 16:41
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amarantinesky posted:The truly amusing thing is when dudes who are actually afraid of women explain to the rest of us how women actually operate. To know them is to fear them.
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Mar 14, 2014 16:44
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I have to say that I did not follow... a lot of that advice and still managed at the time when I was really concerned about losing my virginity, albeit in a somewhat hosed up way, I suppose, although not altogether unusual for the gay male scene online. Not that serious norman's list is bad advice at all, though. I sort of cheated, though. There was a period of time where I never went on a date with a guy unless he had seen me naked (in multiple pictures usually) and openly expressed sexual desire for me. That was the only way I ever managed to get any kind of confidence on dates at all. And it worked - I wasn't worried about the question of whether this guy would have sex with me because that had already been frankly discussed, and I could focus on other things like how I felt about this person in other terms now that I was meeting them. Anyway, I haven't done this in years and don't do it anymore and certainly can't recommend it to most people, I guess. edit: And on a side-note I haven't considered myself a virgin for almost 5 years now, and disagree that as a gay male you are not a virgin unless you have had penetrative anal sex. There are lots of ways to have sex and mutually achieve orgasm. kaworu fucked around with this message at 17:15 on Mar 14, 2014 |
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Mar 14, 2014 17:11
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Well, I think talking out of your rear end about things you don't know about is a pretty common trait among everybody. I like to think that I'm aware enough of it that I can put disclaimers when I do, but lord knows sometimes I'm too lazy to. That said, I don't understand all these huge lists, I never put that much complication into it. I just ask the girl I'm interested in for a moment of her time in order to get her alone and then ask her if she wants to go on a date with me. I'm not the worlds most attractive man, but just walking up and asking them has worked well enough for me.
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Mar 14, 2014 17:17
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FoolyCharged posted:Well, I think talking out of your rear end about things you don't know about is a pretty common trait among everybody. I like to think that I'm aware enough of it that I can put disclaimers when I do, but lord knows sometimes I'm too lazy to. The huge list is because a lot of people, especially goons, want a walkthrough for online dating. If you're confident and doing well, or if you are doing gay or lesbian dating which has a pretty different set of rules, the long list is totally unnecessary. Obviously lots of people find partners without following any guidelines. But if you're totally clueless and stuck, a list of what to do can be very helpful. However, there are a lot of goons who regard these as like Biblical law and are weird about completely adhering to somewhat arbitrary rules (e.g. your profile has to be this long, your pictures should be of these things, etc). Also everyone has different goals. If you're just interested in dating around, make your profile more generic, but if you're looking for a serious partner, you are going to need to put a bit more personality into it. I wasn't really interested in casual dating so I definitely passed over guys with very general profiles and messages. I think you can run into problems when your profile reflects what you think your preferred gender likes instead of what you are actually like.
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Mar 14, 2014 17:29
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serious norman posted:Ok so non-retard guide to get a lady or a Vietnamese boytoy or something else Virgins, don't listen to any of this. In fact if anyone ever suggests a dating site ignore them. Forget sex your issue isn't a lack of sex it's being an adult and having never formed a serious romantic relationship with anyone. Sex is secondary to that. A lot of sex can happen outside of serious romantic relationships but that's not for you. You're awkward and weird you need a girlfriend/boyfriend that cares about you to have sex with. Play an MMO or whatever weird poo poo you're into and meet a member of your preferred sex from there. Dates aren't for you, you can't handle dates. You're an adult virgin you can't do that successfully. If you could go on dates and meet people that way you wouldn't be an adult virgin. 100% serious advice meet someone as broken as you are. Edit: Sorry that comes across badly. What I'm saying is that E/N is pretty much an even split between broken people fantasizing about what they would do if only they weren't so broken, people laughing at you because let's be honest it's pretty funny and normal people suggesting normal things to do. What I'm saying is that if you're over say 25 and haven't had been in a sexual/romantic relationship yet it's because you're not normal and all these suggestions are what normal healthy people would do. It's not for you. What you want to do is get into a troubled, unhealthy relationship with someone that has just as many issues as you do. Because you have those kinds of issues those people are likely to be lurking around the same weird places online that you are. That's where you'll find them. That's where you look. Not on OKCupid or any other dating sites. On loving world of warcraft. Funky See Funky Do fucked around with this message at 18:49 on Mar 14, 2014 |
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Mar 14, 2014 18:12
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Virgins, don't listen to any of this. In fact if anyone ever suggests a dating site ignore them. Forget sex your issue isn't a lack of sex it's being an adult and having never formed a serious romantic relationship with anyone. Sex is secondary to that. A lot of sex can happen outside of serious romantic relationships but that's not for you. You're awkward and weird you need a girlfriend/boyfriend that cares about you to have sex with. Play an MMO or whatever weird poo poo you're into and meet a member of your preferred sex from there. Dates aren't for you, you can't handle dates. You're an adult virgin you can't do that successfully. If you could go on dates and meet people that way you wouldn't be an adult virgin. 100% serious advice meet someone as broken as you are. Yeah, no, I'm not about to go crusin' for love in Eve Online, it has an even worse gender gap than OKcupid.  E: I actually don't have too bad a response rate on OKcupid, all things considered, I've just been unfortunate with people flaking out on me. 
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Mar 14, 2014 22:13
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Virgins, don't listen to any of this. In fact if anyone ever suggests a dating site ignore them. Forget sex your issue isn't a lack of sex it's being an adult and having never formed a serious romantic relationship with anyone. Sex is secondary to that. A lot of sex can happen outside of serious romantic relationships but that's not for you. You're awkward and weird you need a girlfriend/boyfriend that cares about you to have sex with. Play an MMO or whatever weird poo poo you're into and meet a member of your preferred sex from there. Dates aren't for you, you can't handle dates. You're an adult virgin you can't do that successfully. If you could go on dates and meet people that way you wouldn't be an adult virgin. 100% serious advice meet someone as broken as you are. I only go on world of gooncraft, do you want to touch my weewee?
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Mar 14, 2014 22:20
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Virgins, don't listen to any of this. In fact if anyone ever suggests a dating site ignore them. Forget sex your issue isn't a lack of sex it's being an adult and having never formed a serious romantic relationship with anyone. Sex is secondary to that. A lot of sex can happen outside of serious romantic relationships but that's not for you. You're awkward and weird you need a girlfriend/boyfriend that cares about you to have sex with. Play an MMO or whatever weird poo poo you're into and meet a member of your preferred sex from there. Dates aren't for you, you can't handle dates. You're an adult virgin you can't do that successfully. If you could go on dates and meet people that way you wouldn't be an adult virgin. 100% serious advice meet someone as broken as you are. What if I hate MMOs
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Mar 14, 2014 22:29
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Sardonik posted:Yeah, no, I'm not about to go crusin' for love in Eve Online, it has an even worse gender gap than OKcupid. Have you had sex with that weird conservative brony girl yet? I bet she's a freak in bed.
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Mar 14, 2014 22:41
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Killer Queen posted:Have you had sex with that weird conservative brony girl yet? I bet she's a freak in bed. Upon a further review of her Facebook, she seemed to attend the brony events as a journalist and didn't actually affiliate with bronies, and when she posted something along the lines of 'If you're born in America you need to speak English' it was more of a troll post aimed at white trash people speaking bad English. So I may have been somewhat hasty in judging her. I fired off a message to see if she was interested in meeting up sometime this coming week but haven't heard anything. She also had some questionable opinions RE: taxes on OKcupid but I'm not enough of a bleeding heart liberal to hold that against her.
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Mar 14, 2014 22:54
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Sardonik posted:Upon a further review of her Facebook, she seemed to attend the brony events as a journalist and didn't actually affiliate with bronies, and when she posted something along the lines of 'If you're born in America you need to speak English' it was more of a troll post aimed at white trash people speaking bad English. So I may have been somewhat hasty in judging her. I fired off a message to see if she was interested in meeting up sometime this coming week but haven't heard anything. I remember you from 3-5 years ago when I used to play TF2 on goon servers. I don't mean this in a nasty way, but if your hobbies are still mainly computer games (and politics), you aren't a treasure for women and should think about lowering your standards. Women (and people in general) desire people who are well rounded and can provide emotionally and financially and not dudes who have the most correct, pure opinions regarding welfare, Ronald Reagan and The Great Leap Forward. This is the same for you. You're looking for a romantic partner to have Feelings and Emotions with, what the gently caress do you care what she thinks about taxes? most people don't like paying taxes. Somaen fucked around with this message at 00:45 on Mar 15, 2014 |
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Mar 15, 2014 00:15
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Politics are important to some people. My friends and their friends are all very interested in politics and generally have similar views. If someone just doesn't really give a poo poo about politics, that's one thing, but I would never want to be with a conservative as they do not share my ethics and passions.
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Mar 15, 2014 00:59
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Somaen posted:I don't mean this in a nasty way, but if your hobbies are still mainly computer games (and politics), you aren't a treasure for women and should think about lowering your standards. I'm not so sure it's about considering oneself a 'treasure for women' as much as not wanting to form a relationship with someone who may have serious ideological differences that would cause unnecessary tension.
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Mar 15, 2014 01:02
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Sardonik posted:Upon a further review of her Facebook, she seemed to attend the brony events as a journalist and didn't actually affiliate with bronies, and when she posted something along the lines of 'If you're born in America you need to speak English' it was more of a troll post aimed at white trash people speaking bad English. So I may have been somewhat hasty in judging her. I fired off a message to see if she was interested in meeting up sometime this coming week but haven't heard anything. How did you possibly manage to confuse "is a brony" with "happened to be near bronies at some point"? I thought she'd actually, you know, wrote something to indicate that she was a fan of the show. Not that you used deductive reasoning to form prejudgments. Also what journalistic organization was into brony coverage? I am curious what they were hoping to accomplish by paying attention to bronies. Chairchucker posted:I'm not so sure it's about considering oneself a 'treasure for women' as much as not wanting to form a relationship with someone who may have serious ideological differences that would cause unnecessary tension. Unless you're one of those shitheads in D&D who gets equally outraged and obnoxious at anyone who's not the exactly correct kind of liberal politics really aren't that big a deal in personal relationships.
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Mar 15, 2014 03:46
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Some Guy TT posted:How did you possibly manage to confuse "is a brony" with "happened to be near bronies at some point"? I thought she'd actually, you know, wrote something to indicate that she was a fan of the show. Not that you used deductive reasoning to form prejudgments. Regardless, my standards are low enough as is, I will not compromise them further. -20-something -not significantly less stable than I am -not significantly fatter than I am -Doesn't have an abundance of abhorrent views -Not Hideous I feel confidant in my standards as is, because in the past I've succeeded in attracting women fine, it was my own cowardice and stupidity that prevented the relationships from forming. For example the time I was invited to a costume party by a woman who displayed a lot of affection (hugging me when possible, other signs) but chickened out at the last minute, which pissed her off considerably. Or the time at a university retreat, another woman literally slipped a note into my mailbox containing the words "I am attracted to you" which I kind of didn't know what to do with because she had/has a fiance, but I still probably should have followed up on that with something more than "thank you for the kind words, I appreciate it". Having to live at home for financial reasons during my undergrad hurt my social growth considerably, but I'm living on my own now, with my own car. I have a litany of missed opportunities from high school and undergrad. I'm fairly confident I'll meet somebody eventually. Grad school could help with meeting people too. In the mean time OKcupid and trying to make the most of of miniscule social network will suffice. 
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Mar 15, 2014 04:12
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It's really really stupid to claim that politics don't matter in a relationship. They pretty frequently correlate with a person's values and belief system, and those things tend to be incredibly important to compatibility. Sure, it's easy to write someone off too early, but it is highly unlikely that I would ever seriously date a conservative dude. I'm guessing you live in some liberal enclave where you don't ever encounter very religious people who have views on stuff like birth control and abortion that might affect you. Or you have not had serious relationships, where a person's belief system actually matters.
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Mar 15, 2014 04:44
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Not at all- I meet quite a few people with fairly conservative beliefs. I just don't write them off as monsters because they have half-baked political beliefs they don't really put much thought into. Anyone so hardcore conservative that they don't acknowledge birth control as valid or treat abortion as murder (as in, they actually picket clinics) is going to have so many other horribly distaff personality traits compared to me that singling out politics alone as being the dealbreaker would be just plain unreasonable.
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Mar 15, 2014 04:52
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Some Guy TT posted:horribly distaff personality traits compared to me Usually I can figure out what people mean, but here I honestly have no loving idea.
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Mar 15, 2014 05:07
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...Oh, huh, this whole time I thought that word meant opposite or diametrically opposed but I can't find a dictionary to back me up. I feel dumb now.
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Mar 15, 2014 05:24
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best not to use obtuse language on purpose then huh anyway it is a huge mistake to assume that people's personal politics are informed by their morality or values, most people's aren't.
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Mar 15, 2014 05:47
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Some Guy TT posted:...Oh, huh, this whole time I thought that word meant opposite or diametrically opposed but I can't find a dictionary to back me up. I feel dumb now. I'm guessing you got it from the term "distaff counterpart" (for anyone not familiar it's basically a tvtroper term for a gender-swapped version of a character, usually female counterpart to male). I was familiar with the term (and understood what you meant to say) and assumed it meant "opposite" as well but according to merriam-webster it actually means "having to do with the woman's domain" (at least in the contexts I'm assuming you're talking about). The more you know! BattleCake fucked around with this message at 06:06 on Mar 15, 2014 |
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Mar 15, 2014 06:02
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Sexgun Rasputin posted:best not to use obtuse language on purpose then huh Well sure I said it's easy to write someone off prematurely. However, if you're talking about people in their 20s, I've found that most people who identity as republicans are in fact quite conservative. Young people are much more likely to say "independent" or "don't care" if they don't have strong political opinions. This might be different in places where everyone identifies as a republican but those places also tend to produce people with pretty conservative views. I'm not saying that anyone has to care but it's bizarre to say someone shouldn't. If you are passionate about politics, it probably matters to you since you want similar interests. And for long term relationships, a teacher who strongly believes in unions and state funding will probably have an aggravating relationship if she's dating a libertarian.
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Mar 15, 2014 15:45
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Sexgun Rasputin posted:best not to use obtuse language on purpose then huh I don't know. Maybe it's different for Canadian politics but I've never met a conservative who wasn't anti social assistance, anti government programs and environmental research. Or just straight up super racist. Immigrants and the natives we forced to live on lovely flooded land should just stop being bitches and get jobs.
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Mar 15, 2014 16:09
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Looks like we'ere beginning to feel the lack of an online dating megathread.
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Mar 15, 2014 18:32
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Zokalwe posted:Looks like we're beginning to feel the lack of an online dating megathread. It is kind of a shame. I used to read those, and although there's a lot of noise, there is more signal than in most other discussions of the same subject.
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Mar 15, 2014 19:38
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Zokalwe posted:Looks like we'ere beginning to feel the lack of an online dating megathread. I remember we had one for a while, but something happened, I was never quite sure what, and there's been a moratorium ever since.
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Mar 15, 2014 20:48
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I might as well throw in. 25/M/virgoon. I made a thread about it a month and a bit ago about it. It's not so much the lack of sex, but not having been in a meaningful relationship that worried me. I actually find that E/N was very reassuring that hey, I'm not some irredeemable piece of damaged goods because it hasn't happened yet. What are my excuses? Basically, my mom died when I was a kid, my brother is autistic and oppositional-defiant, so I didn't get a lot of attention for a lot of my childhood, which gave me issues with feeling unloved and I had a hard time relating to people. I managed to make friends by the time I was 11-12, and trucked along fairly normally through high school. In university, when I was 20, I had essentially a breakdown, and I barely left my room for a week and couldn't even look at myself in a mirror. All I could do is lie in bed and hug a pillow, while staring at the ceiling. Since then, I worked my way through major depression, generalized anxiety, and as I found out, undiagnosed ADHD. I put a lot of work into myself psychologically, and lost 50 lbs since 2008. I'm finally okay with myself now. That's what I think the crux of it is. You can't truly love others until you love yourself - not lust or codependency or infatuation, but love. Also, you need to meet lots of people because there is someone out there. However, when you're retreating inside yourself, or in insular groups; hiding yourself away when you're depressed, you can't do that. I feel hopeful that I'll be able to enter an intimate relationship, of which sex would be a part.
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Mar 15, 2014 20:49
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Pinball posted:I remember we had one for a while, but something happened, I was never quite sure what, and there's been a moratorium ever since. IIRC, two people met through that thread and one raped the other.
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Mar 15, 2014 20:52
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EN Bullshit posted:IIRC, two people met through that thread and one raped the other. It is for this reason that nobody is allowed to talk about okcupid profiles anymore, or critique them.
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Mar 15, 2014 21:26
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EN Bullshit posted:IIRC, two people met through that thread and one raped the other. Jesus Christ.
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Mar 16, 2014 00:34
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EN Bullshit posted:IIRC, two people met through that thread and one raped the other. I...uh...what. 
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Mar 16, 2014 00:53
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EN Bullshit posted:IIRC, two people met through that thread and one raped the other. Oh god. I had no idea. Spiffo posted:It is for this reason that nobody is allowed to talk about okcupid profiles anymore, or critique them. Well I remember a guy not so long ago having is okc profile critiqued in another E/N thread so it still happens now and then.
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Mar 16, 2014 01:31
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Sunshine89 posted:I might as well throw in. Man you sound pretty interesting and together, really, and I hope you have sex.
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Mar 16, 2014 01:32
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EN Bullshit posted:IIRC, two people met through that thread and one raped the other.  Holy poo poo that's horrible.
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Mar 16, 2014 01:53
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EN Bullshit posted:IIRC, two people met through that thread and one raped the other. Um. Wow. I had no idea it was something that horrible. Got my second date tomorrow. We're going to see Lego Movie. I'm just glad he didn't pick 300: Rise of an Empire, as apparently that has a sex scene. When I told my mother this, she said, 'But sex scenes are great for priming the pump!' Goddamnit it, Mom.
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Mar 16, 2014 01:59
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Zokalwe posted:Well I remember a guy not so long ago having is okc profile critiqued in another E/N thread so it still happens now and then. Yeah it happens once in a while, until it gets shut down. Profile critiques and okcupid chat is not welcome on the something is aweful forums.
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Mar 16, 2014 02:05
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Pinball posted:Got my second date tomorrow. We're going to see Lego Movie. I'm just glad he didn't pick 300: Rise of an Empire, as apparently that has a sex scene. Indeed, be glad, cuz that sex scene was just terrible. It was overblown, contrived, predictable, faux "rough hot sex", "look boobs!" pandering. Worse, there's nothing for you there if you like men. Overall it's just awkward as hell. I went to see it with my SO, and we were both  . I can't imagine how bad it would be on a first date.tl/dr: 300 Rise of an Empire was just terrible in general. I liked the first one so much 
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Mar 16, 2014 02:11
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The especially fun thing about that OKCupid thread is the interlude halfway in where (exclusively) men got all snide about (mostly) women saying they wouldn't kiss on the first few dates and that the first date doesn't count as a date so much as it is a method by which to figure out if your date is a crazy person, because "does it really take you an entire date to figure out whether or not they're psycho? I'm sure random people from the internet are by-and-large safe for kissing and related activities. I mean, I've never had any problems" I am an adult virgin because twenty-something men are loving morons
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Mar 16, 2014 03:14
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