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Best of all worlds? When a quiet bookworm gets the chance to tutor his cheerleader crush, he must endure the wrath of her psychotic jock ex.
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Mar 6, 2014 08:44
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These are all pretty good, but the protagonist could use a better verb than either "suffers wrath" or "endures wrath"
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Mar 6, 2014 09:48
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I've seen a movie where a jock goes after a nerd who wants his girlfriend. Seen it a bunch. Why should I want to see yours? Within the answer to that question you'll probably find a better logline.
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Mar 6, 2014 10:54
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Mike Works posted:I've seen a movie where a jock goes after a nerd who wants his girlfriend. Seen it a bunch. This right here. Also use active verbs to describe your protagonist's actions to make him seem to have a goal. Makes for a better picture of where the story is going.
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Mar 6, 2014 21:12
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What's up fizellas? How're y'all doing? I've been writing some hot words and raging against the machine, and by machine I mean 'the industrial military complex that is Final Draft'
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Mar 16, 2014 21:26
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Completely random question: Can I get away with showing clips from a Disney movie that are playing on a device in-scene? I want one of my characters to be watching a scene from Aladdin with the subtitles on (without sound) and I'm wondering if I can actually show footage, or if I'd need to zoom in on just the subtitles and infer that it's Aladdin. This would be for a short film that would presumably be shown in festivals/possibly make money/etc. Anyone know?
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Mar 18, 2014 07:44
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Mike Works posted:Completely random question: You could probably get away with "An Aladdin cartoon." There might be even be one in the public domain. Disney's Aladdin? Probably not. Zooming in on the subtitles sounds like an awkward and confusing solution, even if it's absolutely imperative that your character must be reading the exact lines from Disney's® Aladdin™.
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Mar 18, 2014 07:54
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Could you get around it with dialogue perhaps? I'm not an expert but I am almost positive that incorporating footage without permission could get you in trouble, especially if there is any chance of money being made from the film.
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Mar 18, 2014 09:27
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There's no dialogue at all except for the narrator, who I suppose could reference the movie/lines/scenes either directly or indirectly. I'd miss out on some visual contrast I was hoping to retain, but I'd rather compromise than cut it out of the script.
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Mar 18, 2014 09:37
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Mike Works posted:There's no dialogue at all except for the narrator, who I suppose could reference the movie/lines/scenes either directly or indirectly. If I were you, I'd compromise by cutting it down to the barest visual elements you can afford to source or create yourself. (IE: 200 frames of kinda crappy animation, or 20 frames of pretty nice-looking illustration -- assuming that you're going to be the one shooting this, and on a shoestring)
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Mar 18, 2014 10:27
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Mike Works posted:Completely random question: Are you sure you need that? Because it's almost always better to obscure the source of inspiration or ideas. Coming straight forward with something like that is one of those e/n ideas that gets lost in translation. It means something to you but will it connect with others who haven't seen the movie or don't care about it? Is there any other way you can convey that idea to the audience? Is it absolutely essential to the character? You seem pretty set on it and, with this type of stuff, the only way to learn is to fall on your face but here's an example. The first draft of Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind has Joel and Clem talking about Tom Waits' Rain Dogs on the train, Charlie Kaufman points out what book she's reading [The Play by Stephen Dixon], Rain Dogs comes up again when they're on the way to Clem's apartment...but most of that was stripped out in later drafts. Did you ever think to yourself 'man I wish they were talking about Rain Dogs' or wonder what book she had while watching any of those scenes? They were probably essential to Kaufman piecing together the idea (and, arguably, the character of Clementine herself) but the audience doesn't need them. By obscuring the source, he made everything more accessible. Took a reference and turned it into an original idea. [in the car] code:
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Mar 18, 2014 16:40
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Came to say essentially the above. It's never a good idea to write so specifically a reference to another piece of media, for two reasons. One, it traps you into a dependency that's a lot harder to work around during production (assuming you're part of production, if I read that as a director I would immediately rewrite it out). And two, it's a major student move. Every time a script has a specific song or movie in it, it screams hard "I am inserting my personal likes into this somebody look and confirm what I like" and it has amateur hour all over it. It's as bad as "SPECIFIC SONG BY SPECIFIC BAND PLAYS" in the slug lines.
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Mar 18, 2014 16:49
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Specific Song by Specific Band isn't that bad. It shows specificity. If your script is good, it's more fun than "Big Band swing plays from below". And if I look up the song and like it, that's a + for you; it shows you have good taste.
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Mar 18, 2014 18:20
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Golden Bee posted:Specific Song by Specific Band isn't that bad. It shows specificity. If your script is good, it's more fun than "Big Band swing plays from below". And if I look up the song and like it, that's a + for you; it shows you have good taste. But is there something to be said about you having to put down the script to look it up in the first place?
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Mar 18, 2014 18:22
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Any time I've ever directed someone's short or AD'd anything bigger than that, those are always immediately dropped out of the production script. Nobody cares what music or movies you like, don't put it in your script. That's almost always not a writer's decision. Directing your own writing? Go to town. Any time I write a short I put talent direction in it, which is also a no-no, but it helps me because I'm probably directing it later. Just in terms of general guidelines, if you're not directing it, don't put specific stuff like that in it.
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Mar 18, 2014 18:25
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Specific music cues are something that a number of professional screenwriters include in their scripts. I'm not a fan of it myself, but I wouldn't call it a major student move.
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Mar 18, 2014 18:27
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Zypher posted:Specific music cues are something that a number of professional screenwriters include in their scripts. I'm not a fan of it myself, but I wouldn't call it a major student move. I would. It's telling, not showing, and that's if your reader's even heard the song. If they haven't heard it, it's meaningless to them. quote:If your script is good, it's more fun than "Big Band swing plays from below". "Big Band swing plays from below" is perfect. I read that and immediately heard Sing, Sing, Sing in my head. Didn't know what it was called, but it set the scene instantly. Whereas putting this in your screenplay: quote:Down below, the band plays Benny Goodman's "Sing, Sing, Sing" ...would be a real bad idea, because how am I supposed to know what that song title sounds like?
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Mar 18, 2014 20:29
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Right – I don't know how it sounds, I can't hear it at a table read, I don't know if it's right for this scene, I don't know if I can license it. Again, it's not the writer's job to pick things like music. I know it's your script and you have very specific goals for it, but insisting on music is not a thing you can do if you're not also producing it, directing it, or otherwise financing it. Almost everybody will completely ignore your personally inserted musical tastes.
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Mar 18, 2014 20:46
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Don't think of it as insisting. We all know the actual music cue will probably be different if and when it goes into production. It's just a cheap trick to engage the reader while setting tone. It's on the same level as describing a character by saying "think Kristen Wiig." The writer isn't saying go get Kristen Wiig or else my vision for this script is ruined. Again, I'm not crazy about the device. But using it is really not as bad as you're making it out to be. In fact, I've probably seen it used in about 1/3 of pilot scripts I've read from this season.
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Mar 18, 2014 21:12
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I don't know. Like Zypher said, professional screenwriters do it. It never really pans out (the Eternal Sunshine example, Aaron Sorkin calling for Paul Young's Love Of The Common People in the beginning of The Social Network where Zuckerberg runs home from his date, This Is The End having Purple Rain at the end) but I don't think it hurts anything in certain situations like a sequence where music is playing on top. If they don't know it, they'll glance over it while reading. If it's going to get made, it gives them a guide of what direction to go in. If they can't get the rights, they'll replace it with something similar. With Golden Bee's example, saying big band swing is probably better than giving the specific song since it's just background music but if you have a scene set at a wedding and the couple's first dance is the linchpin of the movie, it probably doesn't hurt to say that The Most Beautiful Girl In The World plays over top...even if Prince will never clear its use.
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Mar 18, 2014 21:18
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quote:It's on the same level as describing a character by saying "think Kristen Wiig."
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Mar 18, 2014 21:22
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Yeah, "think of [actor]" belongs in a pitch, which again – not something a writer should concern themselves with. That's a producer. If your script doesn't make ME get a mental image of Kristen Wiig without you explicitly stating it, your writing isn't doing its job. I'm not saying you CANNOT DO THESE THINGS AUGH I'm just saying that it stands out as bad writing and there are much better ways.
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Mar 18, 2014 21:34
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Also professional writers can probably trust that the reader won't go "who the gently caress are Neutral Milk Hotel?" and throw their script in the trash. I just cannot see a scenario where a song is absolutely crucial to the script.
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Mar 18, 2014 21:50
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The only example I can think of is The Squid And The Whale, where the main character plagiarizes "Hey You" from Pink Floyd's The Wall, though again that could've been any notable, guitar-based song from the era.
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Mar 18, 2014 23:09
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Fire Safety Doug posted:I just cannot see a scenario where a song is absolutely crucial to the script. What about a montage? That seems like it would be a scenario where it's better to just name the song you're thinking of instead of doing something generic like "fast rock music plays"
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Mar 19, 2014 00:11
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Call Me Charlie posted:What about a montage? That seems like it would be a scenario where it's better to just name the song you're thinking of instead of doing something generic like "fast rock music plays" Possibly, yet I still think it should be the directors choice. If the reader can't understand the tone you're setting with the contents of the montage (and the rest of the script) then there's already a problem. Again, it comes down to your interpretation and boundaries of the 'rule' showing, not telling.
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Mar 19, 2014 01:07
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Call Me Charlie posted:What about a montage? That seems like it would be a scenario where it's better to just name the song you're thinking of instead of doing something generic like "fast rock music plays" Well if you're already resorting to a montage...
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Mar 19, 2014 01:26
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For the record, I never insert actual songs into my scripts (I'd consider if it was absolutely vital to the action on screen, but so far that hasn't come up yet). I mulled over instances where this has (probably) happened, and came up with this scene from Shaun of the Dead featuring Don't Stop Me Now by Queen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F18-WFYzOQ4 Was this written into the script? Probably. It matches up well with the action and there's a joke that directly references the song. However, could this have been pulled off without mentioning the song (in the script)? I think so. The pool cues whacking the guy could be matched up to most upbeat songs, and perhaps the "queen" dialogue joke was adlibbed. It probably wasn't, but if they took out that one joke it wouldn't kill the scene. Anyway, bringing it back to my original question, can I write that scene without showing or perhaps even referring to Aladdin? Probably. But I think the scene would be better if I kept it in. That's not to say I'm married to it; I'm just seeing if there's a way I can make it work. But if you were to ask me if it's going to be in the final draft of the script at this point, I'd say probably not. Don't want to put in any unnecessary risk if I can avoid it.
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Mar 19, 2014 02:23
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Mike Works posted:For the record, I never insert actual songs into my scripts (I'd consider if it was absolutely vital to the action on screen, but so far that hasn't come up yet). I mulled over instances where this has (probably) happened, and came up with this scene from Shaun of the Dead featuring Don't Stop Me Now by Queen: Almost certainly written into the script, because it was written by the director.
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Mar 19, 2014 02:59
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Mike Works posted:Was this written into the script? Probably. It matches up well with the action and there's a joke that directly references the song. It was written into the script and the queen dialogue wasn't adlibbed. http://www.reddit.com/r/Screenwriting/comments/1jqhdx/shaun_of_the_dead_screenplay/ quote:Everyone scatters as ZOMBIE JOHN LURCHES TOWARD THEM. Shaun Of The Dead is good example because it's littered with great songs but the only ones pointed out in the script with any detail is the white lines joke and this Queen one. Everything else is simple pulsing electro. It's also an interesting read because it feels like a first draft.
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Mar 19, 2014 03:56
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I read scripts for a production company, mostly material submitted by agents and managers. When I see a specific song title I don't recognize, I don't discredit the writer, but I definitely don't stop to look it up. I basically try to assume what it should sound like from the context, or just ignore it completely. More often than not, it's the latter. And that holds true for songs I DO recognize - I don't put them on, and I don't try to 'hear' the song as I'm reading. Basically I say "cool, you like a song, and there's a music cue here" and move on to understanding the story. I read one today written by a director, with tons of named songs in it. Presumably there are some lyrics that "fit the theme" or whatever the gently caress, but it amounts to saying the same thing as "rock music as we transition to..." Granted, I'm not ONLY a script reader. I read 0-2 scripts per day and I don't have to write a lot of coverage. A professional reader at a studio or whatever, who has a million scripts to get through, MIGHT trash you for specifying songs, or specifying certain expensive songs. Bottom line in my opinion: it's not worth an extra line on the page.
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Mar 19, 2014 04:29
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Fire Safety Doug posted:I just cannot see a scenario where a song is absolutely crucial to the script. Here's a movie full of 'em: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0274309
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Mar 19, 2014 08:41
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NeuroticErotica posted:Here's a movie full of 'em: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0274309 I know you're just splitting hairs but the story is not about the songs, it's about the people who made them. If for some reason they had been unable to secure rights to the original music but still wanted to do the movie, they could have.
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Mar 19, 2014 09:26
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Holy poo poo, a project and a deadline? Good. It's go-time.
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Apr 9, 2014 01:00
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I sent off my script to get some professional feedback, and in general it's useful and I've got some guidance on what needs polishing for the next draft. One thing they commented on was that in several instances in the script where characters made a deadpan joke, I put '(!)' at the end of the sentence to signify that they are joking as a full stop would make it look like they were being serious and an exclamation mark would make it overly jokey. They said that it wasn't clear why I did that so obviously the intent didn't come across. I'm happy to change it if it's not the done thing, but what would be the preferred option here?
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May 4, 2014 13:33
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Silver Newt posted:I sent off my script to get some professional feedback, and in general it's useful and I've got some guidance on what needs polishing for the next draft. Ideally, write the lines so the reader will understand the tone from the context and the dialogue itself. If you need to frequently clarify your intentions, it is likely the dialogue is not there yet. If there is a risk of misunderstanding you can use wrylies (instructions such as "sarcastically", "deadpan") above the dialogue, but they should be used very sparingly if at all.
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May 4, 2014 15:35
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Balance of Terror is a really well written episode of Star Trek
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May 5, 2014 18:59
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I've been turning over the idea of doing TV spec scripts. I seem to recall something about there being an ideal window to submit them and I'm pretty sure I missed that for this year (or else it's too close to over to make any difference) but it'll take a while anyway. One question would just be where to get started on what to write for. Anything that's ending soon is probably a bad idea, I know, anything that's been around too long might have too many pitches already, and I'm thinking a serialized drama like Sleepy Hollow would be too hard, but- what assumptions are correct here and what aren't? Google returns a lot of results but it's hard to know who to listen to and what wisdom is still current. I've got a couple of ideas for sitcoms but I don't want to neglect drama either and that's where I'm having trouble narrowing things down. (And is it still a rule that you don't actually submit to the show you've written but something like it?)
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May 10, 2014 00:25
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If you submit a script to the showrunner, it'll be incorrect - there's a lot you can't tell unless you're in the room. But that won't be the case 95% of the time, so don't worry.
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May 10, 2014 18:52
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Maxwell Lord posted:I've been turning over the idea of doing TV spec scripts. I seem to recall something about there being an ideal window to submit them and I'm pretty sure I missed that for this year (or else it's too close to over to make any difference) but it'll take a while anyway. A general rule is that you want to write for a show that is a hit (to prove your marketability) that is somewhere between its 2nd and 5th season. Second season proves it has staying power, where shows that are upwards of five seasons are starting to wind down (and it's harder to come up with new ideas for them). Avoid heavily serialized stories. I don't think Sleepy Hollow is too serialized in what I've seen. It's more of a hybrid where it has the problem of the week that ties into a season-long arc. You don't submit to the show you've actually written for because of legal reasons. But, it wouldn't really be you submitting either. It would be your manager or agent shopping your script around to (usually) new, unproven shows that are staffing and are similar to the show you've written. These are basic things that have been passed down to me by a couple TV writers I have known, but I'm still trying to break in myself as well.
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May 10, 2014 21:58
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