|
FoolyCharged posted:If you're that clingy, especially only a month in, try digging into your hobbies/work a little harder. If you can't go a day without him contacting you, that makes me think you're starting to make the relationship define your life rather than the other way around. That's bad, because if things don't work out you're kinda hosed. no it really isn't weird at all to expect your girlfriend or boyfriend to text you once a day and is not even close to being indicative in the slightest that she's letting the relationship define her life, where are you getting all this?
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 02:57
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 10, 2024 06:51 |
|
|
It's pretty normal. Maybe not the healthiest if it's stressing you but nothing to worry about if you know it's a little neurotic and can keep it under wraps. Maybe he's just not a texty person.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 03:01
|
|
|
Sexgun Rasputin posted:no it really isn't weird at all to expect your girlfriend or boyfriend to text you once a day and is not even close to being indicative in the slightest that she's letting the relationship define her life, where are you getting all this? yeah my experience is that if the other person isn't texting you back within a day, they aren't as interested in the relationship as you are. or maybe you haven't really defined the relationship yet. try to see if he's good at texting / responding to other people though. if he's texting his friends back immediately during your dates, that's not a great sign. amarantinesky fucked around with this message at 06:31 on Mar 21, 2014 |
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 03:03
|
|
|
Sexgun Rasputin posted:no it really isn't weird at all to expect your girlfriend or boyfriend to text you once a day and is not even close to being indicative in the slightest that she's letting the relationship define her life, where are you getting all this? To expect it? yes. To start having anxiety attacks if he doesn't? no Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but it sounds like she's describing it as a need rather than a want.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 03:05
|
|
|
Logically, I'm not terribly worried about a communication problem or anything. He is a PhD student and often in the office late. Usually he does end up texting me throughout the day, but sometimes doesn't text me or only texts me after I'm already asleep. Whatever. I dunno. I guess that's not my main problem; it's just a symptom. The main problem is that I tend to worry too much about breaking up. I mean, statistically, this relationship probably won't last Forever and Ever. It's just that, being completely inexperienced with dating, I have no idea how I would handle breaking up. I don't know if it's normal to have these worries this early in the game or not. But it's not like they define my life or anything. It mostly comes up late at night when I don't have much else to think about.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 03:09
|
|
|
if you break up it'll hurt a lot and then you'll get over it
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 03:12
|
|
|
Mathematics posted:Logically, I'm not terribly worried about a communication problem or anything. He is a PhD student and often in the office late. Usually he does end up texting me throughout the day, but sometimes doesn't text me or only texts me after I'm already asleep. Whatever. oh ok the issue is a little different then. I think a lot of people who are in their first relationship (especially if it happens at a later age) have the tendency to be kind of clingy or overly optimistic. this part might not apply to you but I'm sure it will to some goons: did you miss out on dating when your friends were and have insecurity about your ability to have a successful relationship? then you are going to feel anxious about breaking up because a relationship is too much of a source of your self-esteem. having a person think you are attractive and special definitely helps but it probably will not fix any pre-existing issues you have about relationships and self confidence.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 03:21
|
|
|
Mathematics posted:Logically, I'm not terribly worried about a communication problem or anything. He is a PhD student and often in the office late. Usually he does end up texting me throughout the day, but sometimes doesn't text me or only texts me after I'm already asleep. Whatever. Breaking up is like someone near you dying in two ways: 1) It comes in two forms: long, drawn out, and incredibly painful, or short swift and a punch to the gut with the consolation that at least it happened quickly and cleanly 2) If you don't acknowledge that it can happen, it'll hurt more if it does, but needlessly worrying about it won't do anything but upset you. Just acknowledge that it can happen, and it will suck if it does, but there is p-diddly you can do about it unless there is an obvious problem in the relationship.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 03:26
|
|
|
Yeah, I think that's my problem. I mean, I've never had a guy be attracted to me before so it's kind of hard not to tie my self esteem in with the relationship to some extent. I mean, I think I'm awesome in a lot of ways, but yeah. I don't really have the highest confidence in terms of looks and such (in part) due to my lack of experience with men. So how to solve it, goons??
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 03:26
|
|
|
first of all remember that goon advice is for entertainment value only second unless you're ripping your hair out or cutting yourself relationship anxiety is the kind of thing that only goes away with experience and communication. people kill each other over relationship anxiety, just be mindful of your own thoughts and don't go off the deep end. it's ok to ask that he texts you once a day or something if it's important to you.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 03:53
|
|
|
Mathematics posted:Yeah, I think that's my problem. I mean, I've never had a guy be attracted to me before so it's kind of hard not to tie my self esteem in with the relationship to some extent. You gotta trust him, basically.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 04:01
|
|
|
Mathematics posted:Yeah, I think that's my problem. I mean, I've never had a guy be attracted to me before so it's kind of hard not to tie my self esteem in with the relationship to some extent. Experience definitely helps. It's a good thing to value your relationships and take pride in them, but you don't want to tie your self-worth too much to that. Basically a relationship is external validation - someone likes you / thinks you're attractive / goes out of their way to spend time with you! It's really easy to use that to replace your own feelings about your appearance and value, e.g. "well I don't think I'm very cool but this person likes me so I guess I'm okay." Because when things go south, you'll probably blame yourself: "poo poo I KNEW I was too boring and unattractive for anyone to really like me." It basically boils down to learning to like and appreciate yourself  If your self-esteem is really crappy, it's worth going to therapy. Obviously there are a lot of ways to build self-esteem through hobbies or whatever but I know personally that I could never do anything perfectly enough to "prove" to myself that I was actually a good person.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 04:05
|
|
|
I want to gently caress women but I don't want the complication of having to care about human beings, is there any way I can easily identify a woman with poor self esteem? Or find legal prostitutes? Stupid sex market place is completely dominated by the sexy sex havers.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 04:42
|
|
|
This thread has actual people in it who think it's okay and reasonable and normal to starting fretting when your boyfriend of a single month doesn't text you every single day.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 06:06
|
|
|
One advantage I've had is that so many of my friends have stuck with relationships what were borderline or completely toxic just because they can't stand to be alone, and I know I wouldn't want to be miserable like that or subject someone else to that misery.Pinball posted:The nerd thing is actually really difficult for me. I am a huge nerd, though I have other interests. I like tabletops, RPGs, some anime that's not horrifically misogynist and fan-servicey (so, like, two shows, max), and big dumb action movies. I'd love to date a guy who shares my interests, but every guy I've ever met who shares those interests is a grognard. I'm really, honestly happy for you starting therapy. Had I not gotten therapy, I honestly shudder to think what would happen had I not done so. I got to the point where I couldn't hide the misery anymore, although I tried. When I had my breakdown, I even had roommates. My landlord (who lived there) saw me going to the bathroom, and commented "Hey bud, you don't look too good. You OK?" I replied that I had an awful cold, but in reality I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up ever again. Don't feel that you're broken or alone, or that if one therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist doesn't work out, none will. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it. As an aside, "nerdy" things seem to be hugely popular right now. I'm really not into most of that- comics, sci-fi and anime bores me to death, and I'm not really into video games that aren't FPSes, GTA or SimCity. My first ever date was at a photography exhibition at a gallery, and it was a lot of fun. I'd love to go on a date to a gallery or museum again, or jazz club or an orchestra performance, or going for a walk to check out cool mid-century modernist architecture. Oh, and I really want to go to an electro-swing party. I can't Lindy hop worth a shot, but it looks like so much fun.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 06:24
|
|
|
Gnack posted:This thread has actual people in it who think it's okay and reasonable and normal to starting fretting when your boyfriend of a single month doesn't text you every single day. It really, really depends on the person. I've known people who hardly ever acknowledge texts and might disappear for a week, and I've known people who should be reported missing if they go 12 hours without a tweet.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 08:56
|
|
|
Sexgun Rasputin posted:or poly people. What about poly people? I have been doing the poly thing for a little while and didn't encounter much nerdiness about it, except you know when a bunch of meet to play board games or whatever. Mathematics posted:So any advice for former virgoons and not acting crazy during their first relationship? Hi. I have been an ex-virgoon for half a year now. Anxiety seems par for the course with many new things. I agree with Spiffo that a level of trust is necessary. When I was a PhD student I did not pay attention to my phone; you just have to get used to each others' habits. I have also found that going forward keeping clear channels of communication open is great toward avoiding problems. That said, my first relationship lasted a month, but the second one has been amazing so far. You can't always get what you want.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 10:58
|
|
|
Mathematics posted:I mean, I think I'm awesome in a lot of ways, but yeah. I don't really have the highest confidence in terms of looks and such (in part) due to my lack of experience with men. You can't really fix your confidence but you can at least fake it. Not really an advice about how to deal with your fear of being dumped (these things happen anyway, it doesn't mean you are worthless) but know this: Even though a guy will be flattered at first to be with a girl that borders clingy, it will eventually end badly. Just like you start getting anxious when you get no message from him, and it makes you want to call him, the same should go for him. You have to find a correct balance of not caring and living your life and showing signs of affection. The more you will obsess over the relationship, the faster it'll end. On the other hand, make him feel like he misses you by ignoring him from time to time. It sounds like manipulation but it's simply getting closer to what a healthy relationship should be. Here's a poem for you: quote:You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 10:59
|
|
|
Gnack posted:This thread has actual people in it who think it's okay and reasonable and normal to starting fretting when your boyfriend of a single month doesn't text you every single day. I was like that for years when I first started dating but then I realized I don't want to talk to someone out of some bullshit time obligation. "oh it's been 7 hours, better see how they're doing". I loving hate the hi text early in the morning now. But I'm old and have been dating for a long time.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 14:05
|
|
|
car dance posted:I was like that for years when I first started dating but then I realized I don't want to talk to someone out of some bullshit time obligation. "oh it's been 7 hours, better see how they're doing". I loving hate the hi text early in the morning now. But I'm old and have been dating for a long time. you know I really interpreted her story as "he doesn't reply when I text him asking about plans." but a text saying "hi" or something is pretty different imo.
|
|
#
?
Mar 21, 2014 16:42
|
|
|
Some Guy TT posted:That's good, but it's surprising how many people think this is a weird question. It's like they put no thought into the kind of jewelry they wear or something! It is a weird question. It's like asking what "the story" is behind your shoes or your shirt. The answer to that 95% of the time is "Uh, I just liked it, so I bought it from a store." Occasionally, the answer will be that it was a gift from a friend, relative or former lover, that they made it themselves, or that they found it at some sort of festival. Also, most guys I know are very disinterested in jewellery, so it's very strange to hear a guy say "I like your necklace". I would automatically assume he is lying and just has absolutely nothing to talk about. A guy commented on my necklace once, but that's because it was a pokemon charm that I made myself. Also, he was gay. I would say not to mention a girl's jewellery, clothes or hair unless you're the kind of person who could actually have a conversation about that kind of stuff. Otherwise, it's a one sided conversation that you don't care about. Better to talk about food or travelling or something.
|
|
#
?
Mar 22, 2014 01:12
|
|
|
I complemented a girl's white g-shock once and I don't care. It was cool. 
|
|
#
?
Mar 22, 2014 01:45
|
|
|
It isn't a good look. As much as people want to say that it's "irrelevant" and doesn't matter, the truth is it does. Sooner or later it forces you to take a long, hard look at yourself and if you're honest, you won't like what you see. It's a hard cross to bear and most people have no sympathy for you. Being an adult virgin is painful, that's the best way I can describe it.
|
|
#
?
Mar 22, 2014 03:00
|
|
|
AStrangeDuelist posted:It isn't a good look. Yes it is. G-shocks are awesome and I want one.
|
|
#
?
Mar 22, 2014 03:03
|
|
|
amarantinesky posted:you know I really interpreted her story as "he doesn't reply when I text him asking about plans." but a text saying "hi" or something is pretty different imo. That's also possible. I just thought if it was making plans she wouldn't word it as everyday or whatever she said as opposed to when she texts to have a plan making conversation.
|
|
#
?
Mar 22, 2014 13:16
|
|
|
Saying it's a date doesn't make it a date, acting like it is does.
|
|
#
?
Mar 22, 2014 21:43
|
|
|
Naylenas posted:Saying it's a date doesn't make it a date, acting like it is does. Yeah, but it helps if the other person that needs to act like it's a date is clear on the game plan.
|
|
#
?
Mar 22, 2014 22:26
|
|
|
EN Bullshit posted:Yes it is. G-shocks are awesome and I want one. Being a virgin isn't a good look.
|
|
#
?
Mar 22, 2014 23:29
|
|
|
AStrangeDuelist posted:Being a virgin isn't a good look. What the hell do you have against g-shocks?
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 05:04
|
|
|
g-shocks own lol
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 05:06
|
|
|
AStrangeDuelist posted:Being a virgin isn't a good look. It's a 'look' now? Are virgins required to wear matching shirts or something, where you live? EDIT: Also yeah, G-Shocks are great.
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 05:07
|
|
|
I'm so confused by all this. I thought I was the only person that still wore a watch these days. G-Shocks made pretty decent dive watches for me.
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 05:11
|
|
|
AStrangeDuelist posted:Being a virgin isn't a good look. One fellow virgin to another, nobody knows you're a virgin unless you tell them and people rarely ask in the first place.
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 05:30
|
|
|
Octy posted:One fellow virgin to another, nobody knows you're a virgin unless you tell them and people rarely ask in the first place. Tbh a lot of times people can correctly assume.
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 05:36
|
|
|
amarantinesky posted:Tbh a lot of times people can correctly assume. Maybe amongst family and close friends, but even then the latter group is a bit iffy. I have three close and old friends from high school. One has had a girlfriend for two years so I can rule him out, a second had a girlfriend for all of two months when he was 17 and not since then, the third is the only one I could probably correctly assume to be a virgin and that's partly because if it wasn't for us dragging him out, he'd be a total shut-in with no social skills whatsoever. Or my virgin radar is bad. Who knows. Anyway, I couldn't care less if my family and friends assume I'm a virgin. It's not great, but it shouldn't be a 'painful' thing to live with like that other guy said. I try my best to not let it affect my confidence so I can keep putting myself out there and if/when it comes up, I'm going to be honest about it.
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 06:19
|
|
|
I tried it on Friday and I don't feel much different. It was pretty fun though.
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 06:38
|
|
|
I think anybody knows known me for any appreciable amount of time can probably guess I'm a virgin, but I don't really give a poo poo about that. The important thing is that they can't guess the real reasons why, they just think I'm asexual or gay or am happy being alone or whatever.
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 19:57
|
|
|
ChairMaster posted:I think anybody knows known me for any appreciable amount of time can probably guess I'm a virgin, but I don't really give a poo poo about that. The important thing is that they can't guess the real reasons why, they just think I'm asexual or gay or am happy being alone or whatever. Nah, they can probably guess pretty easily that you're a huge loser.
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 20:53
|
|
|
Remember when there were a bunch of selfies earlier? People were shocked, shocked to discover that they were just pictures of normal looking guys, not hideous grognards. Color me skeptical as to the existence of such a thing as virgindar.
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 21:08
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 10, 2024 06:51 |
|
|
virgindar is very real, especially in a group talking about sex. im not even kidding its exactly like that scene in the 40-year-old virgin where they play pokerChairMaster posted:I think anybody knows known me for any appreciable amount of time can probably guess I'm a virgin, but I don't really give a poo poo about that. The important thing is that they can't guess the real reasons why, they just think I'm asexual or gay or am happy being alone or whatever. post/pm a selfie and i'll tell you what my guess is
|
|
#
?
Mar 23, 2014 23:01
|
|
