Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

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not not luvd: Nov 17, 2006; My Arse!

Monday Bandele posted:

I don't think stats are very useful in isolation in soccer, but there is something kind of, I don't know, interesting when you look at whoscored's Dispossession and Turnover stats: The HIGHER your Dispossession and Turnovers, the more likely you are to score. Say WHAT? One of those things that make you go "hmmmm." In fact, you could argue that Jozy's relatively LOW disp and turnover rate indicate one of his big problems is being TOO careful on the ball, and therefore not taking the low percentage chances that, when taken enough, get you a goal. But then you would notice he has just about the exact same Disp and TO rate as other S'land strikers and you realize: It the F'ing TEAM!!!! oh, wait. Did I say that out loud? Of course, some players get more overall chances so burning a few with high payoff, low percentage moves is not such a big deal. Here's some average stats courtesy of your friends at whoscored.

Crouch: Total goals: 8 Disp/game 2.4 TO/game 2.7
Benteke: total goals: 10 Disp/game 2.2 To/game 2.6
Suarez: tot goals: 28 Disp/game 2.1 TO/game 2.6
Rodriguez: Total goals: 13 disp/game: 2 TO/game 2.5
Sturridge: Tot goals: 19 Disp/game 1.9 TO/game 2.2
remy: tot goals 13 Disp/game 1.5 TO/game 2.2
Bony: total goals 11 Disp/game 1.7 To/game 2.1
Fletch: total goals 3 disp/game 1.2 TO/game 1.7
Gia: total goals 3 disp/game 1.8 TO/game 1.6
Lukaku tot goals 12 disp/game 1.7 TO/game 1.5
Altidore: Total goals 1 Disp/game 1.3 To/game 1.3
van Wolfs Total Goals 1 Disp/game 0.8 TO/game 1.3
Borini: total goals 3 Disp/game 1.1 TO/game 1
Bent: Total goals: 3 Disp/game 0.5 TO/game 0.7
Scocco: total goals 0 disp/game 0.7 TO/game 0.7

Again, I would not make too much of this, but I would suggest if you are going to float some half-arsed theory based "on your eyes" maybe you should get your eyes checked.

And maybe, just maybe, goals scored has something to do with number of chances...

As funny as this thread has been your posts are a particular highlight.

And by your posts I mean the ones you've found elsewhere and posted here.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 12:26

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 07:05

trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

Can we work that data into the chart?

# ? Mar 26, 2014 12:30

Ninpo: Aug 6, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

Monday Bandele posted:

I don't think stats are very useful in isolation in soccer, but there is something kind of, I don't know, interesting when you look at whoscored's Dispossession and Turnover stats: The HIGHER your Dispossession and Turnovers, the more likely you are to score. Say WHAT? One of those things that make you go "hmmmm." In fact, you could argue that Jozy's relatively LOW disp and turnover rate indicate one of his big problems is being TOO careful on the ball, and therefore not taking the low percentage chances that, when taken enough, get you a goal. But then you would notice he has just about the exact same Disp and TO rate as other S'land strikers and you realize: It the F'ing TEAM!!!! oh, wait. Did I say that out loud? Of course, some players get more overall chances so burning a few with high payoff, low percentage moves is not such a big deal. Here's some average stats courtesy of your friends at whoscored.

Crouch: Total goals: 8 Disp/game 2.4 TO/game 2.7
Benteke: total goals: 10 Disp/game 2.2 To/game 2.6
Suarez: tot goals: 28 Disp/game 2.1 TO/game 2.6
Rodriguez: Total goals: 13 disp/game: 2 TO/game 2.5
Sturridge: Tot goals: 19 Disp/game 1.9 TO/game 2.2
remy: tot goals 13 Disp/game 1.5 TO/game 2.2
Bony: total goals 11 Disp/game 1.7 To/game 2.1
Fletch: total goals 3 disp/game 1.2 TO/game 1.7
Gia: total goals 3 disp/game 1.8 TO/game 1.6
Lukaku tot goals 12 disp/game 1.7 TO/game 1.5
Altidore: Total goals 1 Disp/game 1.3 To/game 1.3
van Wolfs Total Goals 1 Disp/game 0.8 TO/game 1.3
Borini: total goals 3 Disp/game 1.1 TO/game 1
Bent: Total goals: 3 Disp/game 0.5 TO/game 0.7
Scocco: total goals 0 disp/game 0.7 TO/game 0.7

Again, I would not make too much of this, but I would suggest if you are going to float some half-arsed theory based "on your eyes" maybe you should get your eyes checked.

And maybe, just maybe, goals scored has something to do with number of chances...

source

your

quotes

# ? Mar 26, 2014 12:34

Twat le Piss: Aug 4, 2004; Grimey Drawer

Monday Bandele posted:

I don't think stats are very useful in isolation in soccer, but there is something kind of, I don't know, interesting when you look at whoscored's Dispossession and Turnover stats: The HIGHER your Dispossession and Turnovers, the more likely you are to score. Say WHAT? One of those things that make you go "hmmmm." In fact, you could argue that Jozy's relatively LOW disp and turnover rate indicate one of his big problems is being TOO careful on the ball, and therefore not taking the low percentage chances that, when taken enough, get you a goal. But then you would notice he has just about the exact same Disp and TO rate as other S'land strikers and you realize: It the F'ing TEAM!!!! oh, wait. Did I say that out loud? Of course, some players get more overall chances so burning a few with high payoff, low percentage moves is not such a big deal. Here's some average stats courtesy of your friends at whoscored.

Crouch: Total goals: 8 Disp/game 2.4 TO/game 2.7
Benteke: total goals: 10 Disp/game 2.2 To/game 2.6
Suarez: tot goals: 28 Disp/game 2.1 TO/game 2.6
Rodriguez: Total goals: 13 disp/game: 2 TO/game 2.5
Sturridge: Tot goals: 19 Disp/game 1.9 TO/game 2.2
remy: tot goals 13 Disp/game 1.5 TO/game 2.2
Bony: total goals 11 Disp/game 1.7 To/game 2.1
Fletch: total goals 3 disp/game 1.2 TO/game 1.7
Gia: total goals 3 disp/game 1.8 TO/game 1.6
Lukaku tot goals 12 disp/game 1.7 TO/game 1.5
Altidore: Total goals 1 Disp/game 1.3 To/game 1.3
van Wolfs Total Goals 1 Disp/game 0.8 TO/game 1.3
Borini: total goals 3 Disp/game 1.1 TO/game 1
Bent: Total goals: 3 Disp/game 0.5 TO/game 0.7
Scocco: total goals 0 disp/game 0.7 TO/game 0.7

Again, I would not make too much of this, but I would suggest if you are going to float some half-arsed theory based "on your eyes" maybe you should get your eyes checked.

And maybe, just maybe, goals scored has something to do with number of chances...

Mate....that's a huge amount of words to say jozy is poo poo

# ? Mar 26, 2014 12:36

Ponce de Le0n: Jul 6, 2008; Father jailed for beating 3 kids after they wouldn't say who farted in his car

Monday Bandele posted:

I don't think stats are very useful in isolation in soccer, but there is something kind of, I don't know, interesting when you look at whoscored's Dispossession and Turnover stats: The HIGHER your Dispossession and Turnovers, the more likely you are to score. Say WHAT? One of those things that make you go "hmmmm." In fact, you could argue that Jozy's relatively LOW disp and turnover rate indicate one of his big problems is being TOO careful on the ball, and therefore not taking the low percentage chances that, when taken enough, get you a goal. But then you would notice he has just about the exact same Disp and TO rate as other S'land strikers and you realize: It the F'ing TEAM!!!! oh, wait. Did I say that out loud? Of course, some players get more overall chances so burning a few with high payoff, low percentage moves is not such a big deal. Here's some average stats courtesy of your friends at whoscored.

Crouch: Total goals: 8 Disp/game 2.4 TO/game 2.7
Benteke: total goals: 10 Disp/game 2.2 To/game 2.6
Suarez: tot goals: 28 Disp/game 2.1 TO/game 2.6
Rodriguez: Total goals: 13 disp/game: 2 TO/game 2.5
Sturridge: Tot goals: 19 Disp/game 1.9 TO/game 2.2
remy: tot goals 13 Disp/game 1.5 TO/game 2.2
Bony: total goals 11 Disp/game 1.7 To/game 2.1
Fletch: total goals 3 disp/game 1.2 TO/game 1.7
Gia: total goals 3 disp/game 1.8 TO/game 1.6
Lukaku tot goals 12 disp/game 1.7 TO/game 1.5
Altidore: Total goals 1 Disp/game 1.3 To/game 1.3
van Wolfs Total Goals 1 Disp/game 0.8 TO/game 1.3
Borini: total goals 3 Disp/game 1.1 TO/game 1
Bent: Total goals: 3 Disp/game 0.5 TO/game 0.7
Scocco: total goals 0 disp/game 0.7 TO/game 0.7

Again, I would not make too much of this, but I would suggest if you are going to float some half-arsed theory based "on your eyes" maybe you should get your eyes checked.

And maybe, just maybe, goals scored has something to do with number of chances...

This is beautiful, all that effort to defend jozy

# ? Mar 26, 2014 12:38

mackintosh: Aug 18, 2007; Semper Fidelis Poloniae

Monday Bandele posted:

I don't think stats are very useful in isolation in soccer, but there is something kind of, I don't know, interesting when you look at whoscored's Dispossession and Turnover stats: The HIGHER your Dispossession and Turnovers, the more likely you are to score. Say WHAT? One of those things that make you go "hmmmm." In fact, you could argue that Jozy's relatively LOW disp and turnover rate indicate one of his big problems is being TOO careful on the ball, and therefore not taking the low percentage chances that, when taken enough, get you a goal. But then you would notice he has just about the exact same Disp and TO rate as other S'land strikers and you realize: It the F'ing TEAM!!!! oh, wait. Did I say that out loud? Of course, some players get more overall chances so burning a few with high payoff, low percentage moves is not such a big deal. Here's some average stats courtesy of your friends at whoscored.

Crouch: Total goals: 8 Disp/game 2.4 TO/game 2.7
Benteke: total goals: 10 Disp/game 2.2 To/game 2.6
Suarez: tot goals: 28 Disp/game 2.1 TO/game 2.6
Rodriguez: Total goals: 13 disp/game: 2 TO/game 2.5
Sturridge: Tot goals: 19 Disp/game 1.9 TO/game 2.2
remy: tot goals 13 Disp/game 1.5 TO/game 2.2
Bony: total goals 11 Disp/game 1.7 To/game 2.1
Fletch: total goals 3 disp/game 1.2 TO/game 1.7
Gia: total goals 3 disp/game 1.8 TO/game 1.6
Lukaku tot goals 12 disp/game 1.7 TO/game 1.5
Altidore: Total goals 1 Disp/game 1.3 To/game 1.3
van Wolfs Total Goals 1 Disp/game 0.8 TO/game 1.3
Borini: total goals 3 Disp/game 1.1 TO/game 1
Bent: Total goals: 3 Disp/game 0.5 TO/game 0.7
Scocco: total goals 0 disp/game 0.7 TO/game 0.7

Again, I would not make too much of this, but I would suggest if you are going to float some half-arsed theory based "on your eyes" maybe you should get your eyes checked.

And maybe, just maybe, goals scored has something to do with number of chances...

# ? Mar 26, 2014 12:38

Barry Shitpeas: Dec 17, 2003; there is no need
to be upset

Winner POTM July 2013

When I look at Jozy I definitely think "this is a striker who is not losing the ball enough, and clearly it is the rest of the team's fault for not giving his the ball enough for him to lose"

# ? Mar 26, 2014 12:48

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

Barry Shitpeas posted:

When I look at Jozy I definitely think "this is a striker who is not losing the ball enough, and clearly it is the rest of the team's fault for not giving his the ball enough for him to lose"

I think you're late for your job at Opta. Tardiness.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 12:50

The Finn: Aug 27, 2004; إنه أصلع في الأسفل، كما تعلم

Monday Bandele posted:

I don't think stats are very useful in isolation in soccer, but there is something kind of, I don't know, interesting when you look at whoscored's Dispossession and Turnover stats: The HIGHER your Dispossession and Turnovers, the more likely you are to score. Say WHAT? One of those things that make you go "hmmmm." In fact, you could argue that Jozy's relatively LOW disp and turnover rate indicate one of his big problems is being TOO careful on the ball, and therefore not taking the low percentage chances that, when taken enough, get you a goal. But then you would notice he has just about the exact same Disp and TO rate as other S'land strikers and you realize: It the F'ing TEAM!!!! oh, wait. Did I say that out loud? Of course, some players get more overall chances so burning a few with high payoff, low percentage moves is not such a big deal. Here's some average stats courtesy of your friends at whoscored.

Crouch: Total goals: 8 Disp/game 2.4 TO/game 2.7
Benteke: total goals: 10 Disp/game 2.2 To/game 2.6
Suarez: tot goals: 28 Disp/game 2.1 TO/game 2.6
Rodriguez: Total goals: 13 disp/game: 2 TO/game 2.5
Sturridge: Tot goals: 19 Disp/game 1.9 TO/game 2.2
remy: tot goals 13 Disp/game 1.5 TO/game 2.2
Bony: total goals 11 Disp/game 1.7 To/game 2.1
Fletch: total goals 3 disp/game 1.2 TO/game 1.7
Gia: total goals 3 disp/game 1.8 TO/game 1.6
Lukaku tot goals 12 disp/game 1.7 TO/game 1.5
Altidore: Total goals 1 Disp/game 1.3 To/game 1.3
van Wolfs Total Goals 1 Disp/game 0.8 TO/game 1.3
Borini: total goals 3 Disp/game 1.1 TO/game 1
Bent: Total goals: 3 Disp/game 0.5 TO/game 0.7
Scocco: total goals 0 disp/game 0.7 TO/game 0.7

Again, I would not make too much of this, but I would suggest if you are going to float some half-arsed theory based "on your eyes" maybe you should get your eyes checked.

And maybe, just maybe, goals scored has something to do with number of chances...

# ? Mar 26, 2014 12:58

Barry Shitpeas: Dec 17, 2003; there is no need
to be upset

Winner POTM July 2013

I like that his theory is based entirely on "Suarez scores a lot but also loses the ball quite often" and the other data he includes show that there is no correlation

# ? Mar 26, 2014 12:59

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

Monday Bandele posted:

I don't think stats are very useful in isolation in soccer, but there is something kind of, I don't know, interesting when you look at whoscored's Dispossession and Turnover stats: The HIGHER your Dispossession and Turnovers, the more likely you are to score. Say WHAT? One of those things that make you go "hmmmm." In fact, you could argue that Jozy's relatively LOW disp and turnover rate indicate one of his big problems is being TOO careful on the ball, and therefore not taking the low percentage chances that, when taken enough, get you a goal. But then you would notice he has just about the exact same Disp and TO rate as other S'land strikers and you realize: It the F'ing TEAM!!!! oh, wait. Did I say that out loud? Of course, some players get more overall chances so burning a few with high payoff, low percentage moves is not such a big deal. Here's some average stats courtesy of your friends at whoscored.

Crouch: Total goals: 8 Disp/game 2.4 TO/game 2.7
Benteke: total goals: 10 Disp/game 2.2 To/game 2.6
Suarez: tot goals: 28 Disp/game 2.1 TO/game 2.6
Rodriguez: Total goals: 13 disp/game: 2 TO/game 2.5
Sturridge: Tot goals: 19 Disp/game 1.9 TO/game 2.2
remy: tot goals 13 Disp/game 1.5 TO/game 2.2
Bony: total goals 11 Disp/game 1.7 To/game 2.1
Fletch: total goals 3 disp/game 1.2 TO/game 1.7
Gia: total goals 3 disp/game 1.8 TO/game 1.6
Lukaku tot goals 12 disp/game 1.7 TO/game 1.5
Altidore: Total goals 1 Disp/game 1.3 To/game 1.3
van Wolfs Total Goals 1 Disp/game 0.8 TO/game 1.3
Borini: total goals 3 Disp/game 1.1 TO/game 1
Bent: Total goals: 3 Disp/game 0.5 TO/game 0.7
Scocco: total goals 0 disp/game 0.7 TO/game 0.7

Again, I would not make too much of this, but I would suggest if you are going to float some half-arsed theory based "on your eyes" maybe you should get your eyes checked.

And maybe, just maybe, goals scored has something to do with number of chances...

Imagine writing all those words....... about Jozy Altidore.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 13:04

Coohoolin: Aug 5, 2012; Oor Coohoolie.

Wait, a "dispossession" is when they have the ball taken off them, not when they take it off someone else? Why would that even be a useful stat? And what the christ is a "turnover"?

# ? Mar 26, 2014 13:50

Edmund Honda: Sep 27, 2003

Barry Shitpeas posted:

I like that his theory is based entirely on "Suarez scores a lot but also loses the ball quite often" and the other data he includes show that there is no correlation

I've analysed the data and it would appear that Jozy is... poo poo?

# ? Mar 26, 2014 13:51

The Finn: Aug 27, 2004; إنه أصلع في الأسفل، كما تعلم

Hmm I'm seeing conflicting data that Jozy is poo poo but also is not poo poo. I'm requesting more graphs and charts to get to the bottom of this please

# ? Mar 26, 2014 13:52

Twat le Piss: Aug 4, 2004; Grimey Drawer

graphs don't do him justice, just crunch the numbers yourself and awughhh *eats a shotgun*

# ? Mar 26, 2014 14:01

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

I hate jozy.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 14:03

Thirteenth Step: Mar 3, 2004

Pissflaps posted:

I hate jozy.

perhaps you should generate a graph to show your hatred towards jozy over a period of time

# ? Mar 26, 2014 14:14

Barry Shitpeas: Dec 17, 2003; there is no need
to be upset

Winner POTM July 2013

Who ate all the pie charts

# ? Mar 26, 2014 14:43

Frankston: Jul 27, 2010

Barry Shitpeas posted:

Who ate all the pie charts

Jozy

# ? Mar 26, 2014 15:43

Mean Bean Machine: May 9, 2008; Only when I breathe.

Red Star Baldgreg posted:

Hmm I'm seeing conflicting data that Jozy is poo poo but also is not poo poo. I'm requesting more graphs and charts to get to the bottom of this please

# ? Mar 26, 2014 17:23

advanced statsman: Dec 26, 2012; ISLAM FC

I processed all the data but I think there are some flaws in the study

# ? Mar 26, 2014 18:39

Gigi Galli: Sep 19, 2003; and then the car turned in to fire

tetsman posted:

I processed all the data but I think there are some flaws in the study

Peaks at 100 poo poo? Should be at least 110, who makes these loving numbers, christ.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 18:51

advanced statsman: Dec 26, 2012; ISLAM FC

Gigi Galli posted:

Peaks at 100 poo poo? Should be at least 110, who makes these loving numbers, christ.

No, but you see, Jozy's relatively LOW disp and turnover rate indicate that blrghblrghbghbgl

# ? Mar 26, 2014 18:56

Thrifting Day!: Nov 25, 2006

I don't think stats are useful but here's a bunch of stats to prove Jozy isn't as bad as everyone makes out

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:06

jesus WEP: Oct 17, 2004

Edmund Honda posted:

I've analysed the data and it would appear that Jozy is... poo poo?

Could you make the x-axis show goals/game instead of just goals and also put it on a logarithmic scale to truly emphasize jozy's 1/25?

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:12

WangNV: Mar 22, 2001; I'm so lonely

Jozy gets the start today at Anfield.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:32

paddyboat: Feb 20, 2013; Maxi, Maxi Rodriguez
Run down the wing for me

Edmund Honda posted:

I like this one because it looks like fireworks imo

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:43

Spangly A: May 14, 2009; God help you if ever you're caught on these shores

A man's ambition must indeed be small
To write his name upon a shithouse wall

That's the worst misuse of stats I've ever seen, the formatting makes my head hurt, it shows absolutely nothing, and most importantly Jozy is poo poo.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:45

CHIVERS: Apr 28, 2004; c'est quand meme la honte

WangNV posted:

Jozy gets the start today at Anfield.

The Return of The Beachball

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:47

Feels Villeneuve: Oct 7, 2007; Setter is Better.

Jozy will not score today, but he will improve his DZ SiBoT by at least 20 percent, which is more important to all knowledgeable fans of soccer.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:51

Carrier: May 12, 2009; 420...69...9001...

*to the tune of Ludovico Einaudi - Nuvole Bianche*

JOZY SUCKS
JOZY SUCKS
HES poo poo
HES poo poo

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:54

Meat Wagon: Jul 14, 2004

I hope we get something like this at the end of the season.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:55

Fat Lowtax: Nov 9, 2008; "I'm willing to pay up to $1200 for a big anime titty"

Meat Wagon posted:

I hope we get something like this at the end of the season.

Christ, Sunderland have been a gift to the Premier League.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:58

African AIDS cum: Feb 29, 2012; Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaack

Carrier posted:

*to the tune of Ludovico Einaudi - Nuvole Bianche*

JOZY SUCKS
JOZY SUCKS
HES poo poo
HES poo poo

Beautiful tune OP, peaceful calm and worry free, just like the central defenders going up against Jozy

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:59

Carrier: May 12, 2009; 420...69...9001...

Paul McShane was a better player than Jozy.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 19:59

CHIVERS: Apr 28, 2004; c'est quand meme la honte

To Phil Glass's Koyaanisqatsi

JO-ZY-IS-DOG-poo poo

# ? Mar 26, 2014 20:01

African AIDS cum: Feb 29, 2012; Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaack

CHIVERS posted:

To Phil Glass's Koyaanisqatsi

JO-ZY-IS-DOG-poo poo

this is deep in my wheelhouse i love it

# ? Mar 26, 2014 20:02

Ho Chi Meeeeee: Jun 13, 2008; let me shovel out your brains
hang my image in your skull
so I can be the vision
in your nightmares from now on

Is Josmer starting today?

# ? Mar 26, 2014 20:04

chuggo is BACK: Jul 1, 2008; "Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014

CHIVERS posted:

To Phil Glass's Koyaanisqatsi

JO-ZY-IS-DOG-poo poo

ahahahhaha

# ? Mar 26, 2014 20:05

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 07:05

Spangly A: May 14, 2009; God help you if ever you're caught on these shores

A man's ambition must indeed be small
To write his name upon a shithouse wall

CHIVERS posted:

To Phil Glass's Koyaanisqatsi

JO-ZY-IS-DOG-poo poo

Someone make this with cut footage of Jozy being poo poo please, please, please, please.

# ? Mar 26, 2014 20:10

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

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