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Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Dec 22, 2005

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Guinness posted:

I don't even understand what this guy is trying (and failing) to logic out.

He spent bitcoins at X price, and now that the price is crashing, he's buying more bitcoins and that somehow lowers the price of things he bought in the past?

I think what he's saying is "I don't understand the problem but the solution is buy more bitcoins!!"

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Cicero
Dec 17, 2003

Jumpjet, melta, jumpjet. Repeat for ten minutes or until victory is assured.

Veskit posted:

Eh, I don't want to get into it now that I've thought it over. This is bfc not e/n. You're both loving bad with money. How about you put the money you would be spending on daycare toward a college fund.
Yeah, it's totally cool that the grandparents ignore their requests for how to treat their kids, and try to get them to lie to each other. No biggie!

skipdogg posted:

Why does it bother you so much? It's not your job to police your in-laws spending.
Here's a thought: maybe it is, when that spending results in sabotaging the parents?

quote:

My mother in law loves to spoil our kids. We make way more money than she does, but it makes her happy and brings her joy. If she wants to send 100 bucks worth of crap in their Easter baskets who am I to tell another person how to spend their money? It used to bother me when my wife and I were first married. My MIL has worked for Wal-Mart for almost 30 years, and I doubt she makes more than 17 dollars an hour, while my wife and I have nice careers that afford us a very comfortable lifestyle. I used to protest that she would spend so much money on us, but it makes her happy, and it's her money, so I've come to terms with it.

I'm not sure what's behind your issue with grandparents spoiling their grand kids, but this is definitely your issue just as much as it is an issue with them. I would sit down and seek out a compromise. Explain you're trying to establish a clothing budget and the associated life lessons that goes along with that. Redirect the spoiling somewhere else, or ask them to save up for a big surprise for a holiday or birthday. Work with them, not against them.
The problem isn't that they're just uncomfortable with the amount of money being spent by the grandparents. It's how the way it's being spent is undermining how the parents are raising their kids.

Harry
Jun 13, 2003

I do solemnly swear that in the year 2015 I will theorycraft my wallet as well as my WoW

Guinness posted:

I don't even understand what this guy is trying (and failing) to logic out.

He spent bitcoins at X price, and now that the price is crashing, he's buying more bitcoins and that somehow lowers the price of things he bought in the past? Is he trying to apply some sort of cost-basis to his previous purchases? :psyduck:

He's lowering his average cost per bitcoin.

Cicero posted:

Yeah, it's totally cool that the grandparents ignore their requests for how to treat their kids, and try to get them to lie to each other. No biggie!

Here's a thought: maybe it is, when that spending results in sabotaging the parents?

The problem isn't that they're just uncomfortable with the amount of money being spent by the grandparents. It's how the way it's being spent is undermining how the parents are raising their kids.
Then teach the son through something other than clothes. I'm not sure how they're spending 100 a month on clothes, but the kid is probably getting the hint from his dad trembling in anger over clothes.

peter banana
Sep 2, 2008

Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

skipdogg posted:

Why does it bother you so much? It's not your job to police your in-laws spending. My mother in law loves to spoil our kids. We make way more money than she does, but it makes her happy and brings her joy. If she wants to send 100 bucks worth of crap in their Easter baskets who am I to tell another person how to spend their money? It used to bother me when my wife and I were first married. My MIL has worked for Wal-Mart for almost 30 years, and I doubt she makes more than 17 dollars an hour, while my wife and I have nice careers that afford us a very comfortable lifestyle. I used to protest that she would spend so much money on us, but it makes her happy, and it's her money, so I've come to terms with it.

I'm not sure what's behind your issue with grandparents spoiling their grand kids, but this is definitely your issue just as much as it is an issue with them. I would sit down and seek out a compromise. Explain you're trying to establish a clothing budget and the associated life lessons that goes along with that. Redirect the spoiling somewhere else, or ask them to save up for a big surprise for a holiday or birthday. Work with them, not against them.


With most daycare facilities you're paying for a 'spot'. There are regulations regarding the ratio of kids to adults, so if you're taking a spot, you pay for the entire week. Doesn't matter if your kid is there 8 hours a week or 60 hours a week. When we go on vacation for a week, we get to pay half price for them not being there. Some daycare's allow part time for older children at a reduced rate, but a 2 year old is going to be in a more heavily staffed section of the daycare. I spend about 960 dollars a month for daycare for my 2 kids, and that's considered cheap. The going rate is about 200 dollars a week around here.

No, Folly's philosophy of parenting is legit (honestly I see this happening with my parents when I have kids). It's important to teach kids that material things don't just "appear." Yeah it might be a shirt or pants here and there ( and to be fair, if the son is interested in how he dresses and the grandmother just buys him whatever, she's undermining his interests too, which is not great) but it builds a general expectation and makes kids kind of lovely people later. You know that kids don't stay kids right? Nor do they enter a magic cocoon where their minds are swept clean. The lessons they learn early on in life inform the kinds of adults they will be.

Also, perhaps it's important to Folly and his wife that they teach their kids that not all joy comes from material wealth? Ensuring that new things are there constantly undermines that as well. Also anyone who tries to get someone to lie to her spouse, even if it is her parents, doesn't have anyone's interests at heart except their own.

It' super tempting to spoil kids. I get it. My mother spoils my half-brother all of the time. He's 6 and he's actually kind of becoming that lovely person. He expects everything to be done for him (he's 6 and he can't feed himself), he has basically no attention span because he stares into an iPad all day, he won't walk or ride his bike anywhere and has no idea how to deal with conflict at all. I feel like he's going to have a lot of difficulty in this world. It's important to establish that we don't get what we want all of the time very early on, because that's how life is. Either the parents must teach their children that all of the time, or the world will, in a less sensitive way. Mush like most philosophy and behaviour, the earlier one establishes that with their kids, the less conflict there will be around learning that lesson.

I would also say that their's something to be said for teaching kids about anticipation of material wealth as well. It's a nice, exciting feeling leading up to their birthday or Christmas. A special day for them. Don't rob them of that. If everyday or every trip to grandma's is like their birthday, then their birthday feels less special. How many people in this thread could name a few people they know whose personality issues from a lack of impulse control? Well, that's how that poor impulse control gets established.

I totally agree with you Folly and you're right to take some real steps to "sever" (not all the way) the intimate nature of the relationship you have with your in-laws. Like I said, I foresee this being a problem for myself because I agree very much with your parenting style and obviously my own family seem a lot like your in-laws. I'd be interested in hearin how it plays out.

Folly
May 26, 2010
It's not just clothes, they're just the most common example. And my kid really only has 3 outlets for spending at 7 years old: clothes, toys, and candy. They've undermined clothes and toys. I'm not sure I want to teach with junk food because I fear what it will do to his future diet.


Ya, I guess I did go a little to E/N in that post. Sorry about that, once I got on the topic I kinda ranted. I mostly wanted to focus on the psychology of my in-laws spending and my wastefulness trying to circumvent it.

To the best of my observation, this isn't actually about my kids. She just wants to buy things and she wants people to see her buying things. She buys stuff for anybody but herself, but she'll buy herself any food as she wants. (That's got to be meaningful.) It's one of those "acting rich" things, I think. But that motivation is somehow combined with some kind of "provider" need. I'm pretty sure she gives a lot of money to her family, but we've never asked them for money. My parents were the mortgagees of our first house (at 6.25% - so it wasn't like it was a gift), so maybe there's some extra "provider" jealousy tied to that. But that doesn't explain all of it.

At the risk of going toward the E/N part, this may help you understand. There's this other fully functional, intact family they met at church (which they no longer attend) and this family is in no way related to or connected to anybody else they know. Their kids get this same treatment. In fact, my in-laws pick them up from school. Take them to school activities. Watch them on snow days. Take them to the zoo or chuck-e-cheese. They've basically adopted this other set of kids as a second set of grandkids. Which is cool, I guess. The other parents are nice and the kids are polite. The other parents just seem to shrug let my in-laws go with it because they don't have family in town and it's free childcare and clothes. But my kids never get a special day with their grandparents without these other kids coming along. My wife says similar things happened all during her childhood. Anytime her parents got her a neat present or outfit, her (far wealthier) best friend or some other "adopted" kid would get one too. So she never felt like she was a priority kid to her own parents. I have no idea how much they actually spend on these kids, but you can expect that it's more than they were spending on mine. But they only do it $25 at a time.

And the daycare is expensive, even for the service I'm getting. It's about 35% more expensive than the next best alternative for the same amount of time. It really is a superior daycare. And it's actually at my office building, the kid's playground is in my courtyard. And, most importantly, it was the most conveniently located daycare that had immediate availability. So I admit there's about $150 a month of pure luxury in that price, offset by about $50 of letting me take my kid to daycare on the bus. I will probably move her to a cheaper one eventually and drive in 1 day a week.

Really, the rate they spend money could probably fill this thread with stories, but I only get them in bits and pieces and each one of them is a tiny, tiny expense. So I have to get E/N-ish to reveal enough to make it worth telling. They probably have income in the top quintile but live check to check and often overdue. As near as I can tell, they've done this spending about $25 at a time.

Edit: Oh ya. My mother in law kept buying girls pants for my son. (Yoga pants with a little drawstring bow in the front.) In her haste to buy, she never checked the style at all. Granted, pants are pants...until the other boys in your second grade class find out you're wearing girls pants at your brand new school. I didn't check them thoroughly enough when she dropped them off back when we tolerated it. Luckily, the other boys at school didn't notice before I did.

Folly fucked around with this message at 21:26 on Apr 10, 2014

Rick Rickshaw
Feb 21, 2007

I am not disappointed I lost the PGA Championship. Nope, I am not.
My grandmother used to give me money when I was younger. $5 here, $10 there. I can think of some negative traits that behaviour could build in children (money grows on trees!), but overall I think it might be better than spoiling kids with retail stuff or food (she did that too though, in the form of baked goods and home cooked meals, as well as the occasional chocolate bar).

It would only be better though if the parents make sure the kids are spending/saving it appropriately.

Anyway, this is certainly a common problem. It would be a bigger issue for my niece and nephew if my parents were richer.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Dec 22, 2005

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS
One time my grandma bought me a toy, and my sister a toy (of our choosing). She then tried to pay me the difference in cost between the two toys($2), since my sister's toy was more expensive. I can't even imagine which of my cousins inspired that sort of thing, we were the two oldest and were probably 12 and 9.

Nocheez
Sep 5, 2000

Can you spare a little cheddar?
Nap Ghost
Tell your mother-in-law to splurge on savings bonds, or for a college fund. When your kid is old enough to use it, he will appreciate it much more than clothes, candy, and other consumables.

Rick Rickshaw
Feb 21, 2007

I am not disappointed I lost the PGA Championship. Nope, I am not.

Nocheez posted:

Tell your mother-in-law to splurge on savings bonds, or for a college fund. When your kid is old enough to use it, he will appreciate it much more than clothes, candy, and other consumables.

While true, don't forget that adults with unhappy childhoods don't always turn out to be the type that will really appreciate a big savings account or a college education, because they'll be more focused on that empty emotional hole inside and maybe blow the savings on consumables to fill that hole (there's a cause for all of the "bad with money" we've seen in this thread).

Kids have to be kids. It's unfortunate consumables have become a big part of being a kid in our society, but they have.

Rick Rickshaw fucked around with this message at 22:23 on Apr 10, 2014

LyonsLions
Oct 10, 2008

I'm only using 18% of my full power !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My sister is going through similar problems with her mother in law. The mother in law is a compulsive shopper and everything she buys has to be brand name something or other. It's all about the buying for her, so she'll buy the same dress three times, or buy a size that my niece has long since outgrown. I don't think she pays any attention to what she buys. She leaves the price tags on everything because she wants people to know how much she spent, and these gifts are delivered with a heap of condescension toward my sister and our family, e.g. if I didn't buy her clothes, she wouldn't have a thing to wear, I'm the only one who cares, etc. My parents buy lots of gifts too but they tend to limit them to holidays and to keep my sister's values in mind with regard to what kind of gift and when. To the mother in law this is proof that she cares more. But since it's all about money and competition, and there's not a lot of real affection behind it, my niece, who is too young to care about clothes anyway, has a sense that there is something off about this grandmother, and is terrified of her.

The inlaws' financial situation is horrible, as she spends money as soon as she gets it. Piles of debt, a huge house with many empty rooms, all to keep up the pretense of wealth.

Bloody Queef
Mar 23, 2012

by zen death robot

LyonsLions posted:

My sister is going through similar problems with her mother in law.

I'm the problem in this situation. Every time I go see my 8 month old nephew I bring him a toy or clothes or some poo poo. My wife and I each have $75 a month each set aside to spend on personal things and I just take it out of that. I don't need to spend money on myself. Now, I buy from a baby outlet so everything is like $5 and I only get to see him once or twice a month.

But now I'm worried that my brother will be pissed I'm buying his kid so much poo poo. He's a tightwad like I am.

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you

Bloody Queef posted:

But now I'm worried that my brother will be pissed I'm buying his kid so much poo poo. He's a tightwad like I am.

Yeah, they might not want it cluttering up the house either. And they might feel somewhat obligated to keep it to not hurt your feelings.

I know parents who have Thunderdome rules for new toys: two toys enter, one toy leaves. For everything you buy, donate/toss something else. Seems like a smart policy.

HelloIAmYourHeart
Dec 29, 2008
Fallen Rib

Bloody Queef posted:

But now I'm worried that my brother will be pissed I'm buying his kid so much poo poo. He's a tightwad like I am.

Well, the real issue in all these situations is less "money" and more "communication" so maybe you should ask him.

Folly
May 26, 2010

canyoneer posted:

Yeah, they might not want it cluttering up the house either. And they might feel somewhat obligated to keep it to not hurt your feelings.

I know parents who have Thunderdome rules for new toys: two toys enter, one toy leaves. For everything you buy, donate/toss something else. Seems like a smart policy.


And most importantly, if he tells you to knock it off, you will. You don't have some kind of pathological need to buy the kid toys. But odds are he won't. First time parents probably won't realize that they have too much junk until it's too late to blame any single person.

If you want to be a super cool brother, the next time you call your brother before you head over, say "I'm coming over. Do you want me to pick up some diapers/wipes/food for you on the way?" If he offers to pay, tell him that it's up to him. Your goal was to save the time, but you don't mind covering a few supplies too if it will save him the effort making change.

Invent a game to play with the baby. You can start by playing with the existing toys like they're a puppet show. Use them to tell the story of Star Wars. Now you're a cool uncle without cluttering up their house.

Then, when the kid turns 5, buy him a drum set!

FrozenVent
May 1, 2009

The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

Folly posted:

Then, when the kid turns 5, buy him a drum set!

I missed my life calling.

I should have gone into developmental psychology. Written parenting books. Gotten popular. My own talk shows.

Then, at the peak of popularity and influence, told the world that the best thing to do for their child's development was to buy them a drum set.

WarpDogs
May 1, 2009

I'm just a normal, functioning member of the human race, and there's no way anyone can prove otherwise.
My parents divorced when I was very young and remarried to other people soon after, so the odds that all 4 of my "parents" would be bad with money had to have been low, right? Guess I'm just lucky

My mom was the worst. She was always in a situation where her income was "middle class level", but they just continuously pissed it away. We're talking taking on multiple new-car notes, "investing" in fads like Beanie Babies (including a period where she'd buy 10 Happy Meals a day and toss them in the fridge for the Mini Babies!), and cashing out their entire 401ks to spend on a down payment for a new home construction loan - a home they were forced to sell only a few years after it was built because they couldn't even afford the "P" of the "PITI" acronym

She wasn't even one of those people that had fancy electronics or furniture. They actually lived in squalor. Instead, they spent money on bizarre, often disposal things - like, tons of "middle shelf" liquor they'd consume weekly, way too many groceries that would spoil, tons of cheapo clothes that would rip within a month of use and they'd just rebuy. They also had the bad habit of subscribing to a million monthly services...expensive long distance (even now in the age of cell phones) they never use, tons of magazines they never read, etc.

My dad and his wife were slightly better, but tragically he often found himself on the cusp of being successful and missed it each time. He once bought a business, made it super successful, but sold it at a loss because he and his wife were going through a breakup (they later reconciled) and they were co-owners. He then bought a house in *cash* - quite the feat! - only, it was a doublewide trailer in the middle of the woods and he way overpaid for it. It promptly lost all value alongside every other property during the crash, and he picked that exact time to sell and move to Virginia to open a health food store. He's now in the process of remodeling it so he can sell :shepface:

He just stumbles from one business or house to another, going "all in" with the previous property's sale money. It's like he's on a treadmill, only each step is +/- $150k

I actively resented them growing up for how stupid they were with money. I was a smartass, nightmare of a kid and called them out on it when I had no business doing so, and I feel awful now. But selfishly, I really do have them to thank for my good financial sense - I just do the opposite of what they did

SiGmA_X
May 3, 2004
SiGmA_X
Its your in-laws being American with their money. You are absolutely being good with money teaching your young kids to manage money. That is very un-American. Way to go! And your in-laws are being 100% disrespectful to your wishes and I am sorry you're dealing with that. Good luck.

Switchback
Jul 23, 2001

Kids learn a lot more from who their parents are, rather than the lessons we actively try to teach. If you're responsible, you're kids are probably going to turn out fine. While these grandparents sound incredibly frustrating, the kids will learn more about relationships here than they will about financial responsibility.


Back on the bad with money: I'm offshore with this girl who just bought a house for like €250k in the south of France. She's 25 and has a great job making lots of money, but she's miserable in it. She's desperately looking for a new job, but she can't take a pay cut (inevitable if she leaves offshore work, which is all international and thus tax free in France) or she will have to sell her house, which will hit her with a huge tax bill because of some incentives she would have to pay back. She has locked herself into a life that she hates for this house she gets to spend about 1/4 of her time in. She has no savings left after putting so much into the house, and took a loan greater than the value to do some renovations, so unless the work she did really increased the value she might already be a bit underwater.


Good lesson in not rushing into buying a house!

Lady Gaza
Nov 20, 2008

I was speaking to a colleague yesterday and somehow he and his girlfriend had not realised their bank had messed up their rent payments, meaning that rent hadn't been taken out of their account for 5 months. They somehow had not noticed this (I think due to spending a lot on other things and only glancing at their balance) :psyduck:

Now they have to pay 5 months rent in one go.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Dec 22, 2005

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Lady Gaza posted:

I was speaking to a colleague yesterday and somehow he and his girlfriend had not realised their bank had messed up their rent payments, meaning that rent hadn't been taken out of their account for 5 months. They somehow had not noticed this (I think due to spending a lot on other things and only glancing at their balance) :psyduck:

Now they have to pay 5 months rent in one go.

I have rent auto-billpay, I actually am not sure if I would notice this. I am not exactly consistent about when I move incoming checks from checking to investments, being up by one rent payment each month might just sail on past my mental filter.

I would think the landlord would have let them know by that point though...

Jeffrey of YOSPOS fucked around with this message at 06:33 on Apr 11, 2014

Zo
Feb 22, 2005

LIKE A FOX

Lady Gaza posted:

I was speaking to a colleague yesterday and somehow he and his girlfriend had not realised their bank had messed up their rent payments, meaning that rent hadn't been taken out of their account for 5 months. They somehow had not noticed this (I think due to spending a lot on other things and only glancing at their balance) :psyduck:

Now they have to pay 5 months rent in one go.

Are they actually broke? If so yea they are retarded.

Otherwise I probably wouldn't notice something like that either. My balance would just be going up a bit faster, but not enough to have any impact so I wouldn't have a reason to care. I don't budget since there's no real point for me personally - I have tons of savings and just watch my spending without being a slave to an arbitrary number.

Lady Gaza
Nov 20, 2008

Well my colleague is the only one working out of the two and he doesn't get paid that much, he is quite young and it's his first job. His partner is looking for a job so you think they'd pay more attention to their money. All their living expenses come from the one paycheque. Who knows what they were thinking when they checked their balance each month. Apparently when the landlord came round to check the flat he reminded them they needed to pay rent.

fruition
Feb 1, 2014

SirPenguin posted:

I actively resented them growing up for how stupid they were with money. I was a smartass, nightmare of a kid and called them out on it when I had no business doing so, and I feel awful now. But selfishly, I really do have them to thank for my good financial sense - I just do the opposite of what they did.

I'm in the same boat, except I don't feel awful or selfish; just resentful of their willful ignorance and inability to adapt, change, or grow in ANY way since they were 16 years old.

I'd argue that you have every right to call your parents out on their horrible financial decisions because, chances are, they're going to become your dependents in their old age when they "retire" and have nothing saved and tremendous amounts of debt. Tell your dad to give you the next batch of $150k to build/park a double-wide in-law suite on your property.

Folly posted:

And most importantly, if he tells you to knock it off, you will. You don't have some kind of pathological need to buy the kid toys. But odds are he won't. First time parents probably won't realize that they have too much junk until it's too late to blame any single person.

If you want to be a super cool brother, the next time you call your brother before you head over, say "I'm coming over. Do you want me to pick up some diapers/wipes/food for you on the way?" If he offers to pay, tell him that it's up to him. Your goal was to save the time, but you don't mind covering a few supplies too if it will save him the effort making change.

Invent a game to play with the baby. You can start by playing with the existing toys like they're a puppet show. Use them to tell the story of Star Wars. Now you're a cool uncle without cluttering up their house.

Then, when the kid turns 5, buy him a drum set!

You sound like a really smart and cool dad, and one day your kids will thank you (just a heads up :) ). Keep it up.

Don't listen to the haters in this thread, it's absolutely your business to set limits on what your in-laws purchase or give to your children, and imo there is no more egregious offence than manipulation of trust. You were right to nip all of that dysfunction in the bud immediately. I'm going to be setting limits with my mother-in-law one day soon because she either spends every dime she gets her hands on gifts for other people or she gives it away to shitheel family members. She's the sweetest, nicest, people-pleaser you'll ever meet but it's at a pathological level where she uses it as a form of manipulation (see ACOA / CoDependency).

Limits, limits, limits, be assertive.

fruition fucked around with this message at 14:05 on Apr 11, 2014

fruition
Feb 1, 2014
double post sorry!

FearCotton
Sep 18, 2012

HAPPY F!UN MAGIC ENGLISH TIEM~~~
A lot of my friends are artists/writers/performers, and they tend to fall into two camps: those who are have become beasts at budgeting (which then allows them time/security) to pursue their dreams, and those who seemingly don't understand how money works at all.

One chick is pushing 35 and still trying to be an actress/model, even though she now has an 8 year old and a 5 year old to support. She's massively in debt, hasn't landed any major work, and her facebook stream is a constant mess of checking into expensive spas/clubs/restaurants because she needs to look good "for work" and go out "to network". Yes, you need to maintain your fitness, get headshots, take classes, etc.--but she spends more than my friends who are on Broadway do (and she does not live in a major city, mind--she's never moved to New York or LA or Vancouver or wherever for work), yet has no income outside of random jobs. Then, every three months, the facebook statuses about how she's broke, and a single mother, and in need of x/y/z to survive start pouring in. Recently she started a gofundme thing TO BUY HERSELF A HOUSE (with multiple bedrooms/bathrooms/hard wood floors) because apartment living is apparently dangerous for her kids.

Writers are the worst about this, because they seem to think they're smarter than the other art people--and also that one day they'll be Neil Gaiman/JK Rowling/Steven King and be rolling in money. I know people who have spent 200k on poetry MFAs, decided to put trips around the world on credit cards because they "needed the experience" to write, and who quit high paying jobs to write (even though they've never written before).

Incidentally those who "get" finances tend to be the ones who end up successful, because they get that art is also work.

FearCotton fucked around with this message at 16:19 on Apr 11, 2014

JibbaJabberwocky
Aug 14, 2010

I'm glad to be obsessively anal about money. It means I have to actively fight my urge to withdraw all my investments and stuff that money under my bed but it also means that I enjoy budgeting and keeping my spending reasonable. I can't imagine living life like some of my friends.

Most of my friends and family are varying levels of good with money but there are always a few of my friends who make the weirdest financial decisions. I enjoy reading posts about how they bought a gigantic pile of new clothes or a new gaming console and then seeing the post a month later about how they're so broke they can only eat plain rice and ramen for all of their meals. This is usually followed by crying by how food stamps only gives them XX per month and how they need people to donate money to them so they can eat. It's weird though because I have friends who are able to eat better than they ever have before on food stamps (what they were eating before wasn't nutritious at all) and friends who don't seem to be able to buy any food for themselves on the same amount per month. It's always so tempting to remind them that they spend hundreds of dollars per month on stupid, inane poo poo. Then it's naturally followed by starting a gofundme page for bullshit things like "I want to go on a vacation".

I don't understand how anyone can be so bad with money. If you know you regularly run out of money for food, why make expensive purchases for new clothes and other items which are not a necessity?

SpelledBackwards
Jan 7, 2001

I found this image on the Internet, perhaps you've heard of it? It's been around for a while I hear.

Because somebody or a credit card has always bailed them out in the past?

Edit: V V V I had never heard of it either until the high school robotics team I mentor used it to start raising money for our trip to the world championships. Our last day to get funds is today and we've had some really good donations coming in. It's been fantastic for the kids since we're not a very wealthy school. Obviously that's not for personal/selfish gains, though.

SpelledBackwards fucked around with this message at 03:03 on Apr 12, 2014

lostleaf
Jul 12, 2009
I have never heard of gofundme until now. It's unbelievable that there is a website to panhandle. Is anyone actually successful at it for personal(selfish) reasons?

FearCotton
Sep 18, 2012

HAPPY F!UN MAGIC ENGLISH TIEM~~~

lostleaf posted:

I have never heard of gofundme until now. It's unbelievable that there is a website to panhandle. Is anyone actually successful at it for personal(selfish) reasons?

Occasionally? I've seen it do a lot of good--raise money for funerals for children who have died suddenly, built improvements onto homes for ill impoverished folks, sent kids on school trips, etc. But then I have seen a few people who have presented themselves as being in dire straits and in need of money for expenses ($2000 owed in back rent, $1000 owed to the electric company, etc) when the only reason why they couldn't pay for those expenses was because they spent their money on an iphone/a vacation/clothes.

Googling "selfish" and "gofundme" brings up people raising money for weddings, plane tickets, IVF, and house projects.

peter banana
Sep 2, 2008

Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
the worst part about becoming weirdly anal about money is looking back on all of your past mistakes and thinking about the money you'd have now if I you hadn't been such a dumbass.

The fat RRSP I don't have. It haunts me still. :doh:

Cicero
Dec 17, 2003

Jumpjet, melta, jumpjet. Repeat for ten minutes or until victory is assured.
And then you read this thread or the personal finance subreddit and have a Mighty Ducks realization: it could've easily gone the other way, too.

Saros
Dec 29, 2009

Its almost like we're a Bureaucracy, in space!

I set sail for the Planet of Lab Requisitions!!

I once did a rough estimate on how much I have spent on booze in my life and it made me incredibly sad so I swore never to do it again.

Blackjack2000
Mar 29, 2010

FearCotton posted:

Writers are the worst about this, because they seem to think they're smarter than the other art people--and also that one day they'll be Neil Gaiman/JK Rowling/Steven King and be rolling in money. I know people who have spent 200k on poetry MFAs, decided to put trips around the world on credit cards because they "needed the experience" to write, and who quit high paying jobs to write (even though they've never written before).

Incidentally those who "get" finances tend to be the ones who end up successful, because they get that art is also work.

I have a theory about this. I think some aspiring writers look at the William H. Burrows and Max Tuckers and think they were successful because they had these interesting, indulgent lifestyles that provided them with interesting material to write about. But the reality is that they were very talented writers who were successful in spite of those lifestyles. They are the exceptions, not the rule. Most successful writers work their asses of.

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

Saros posted:

I once did a rough estimate on how much I have spent on booze in my life and it made me incredibly sad so I swore never to do it again.

To count how much you're spending, or to buy booze?

tuyop
Sep 15, 2006

Every second that we're not growing BASIL is a second wasted

Fun Shoe

peter banana posted:

the worst part about becoming weirdly anal about money is looking back on all of your past mistakes and thinking about the money you'd have now if I you hadn't been such a dumbass.

The fat RRSP I don't have. It haunts me still. :doh:

I think the worst part is talking to your friends about it and they get very excited and engaged but then drop tons of money on new poo poo. Even after you find the same thing used at literally 20% of the price but they're not interested because "they don't like messing with other people's things." :doh:

DON'T YOU SEE THAT EVERYTHING IS FINANCES?!?!

Bastard Tetris
Apr 27, 2005

L-Shaped


Nap Ghost
I have a bit of a doozy.

Several years ago I took over the family estate as trustee, and the poo poo I've seen is just insane. My grandmother passed, with a poorly-written will that my aunt re-wrote once my grandmother started slipping due to dementia. Said aunt is in her sixties now, and is the worst person at money I have ever seen. I will preface this by saying upfront that she is obviously bipolar and has had an amphetamine habit for almost three decades, and I've tried everything I can to get her in treatment instead of repeatedly incarcerated. Here we go!

Her behavior towards her mother compelled a judge in a probate case to apply a 20 year restraining order against her.

Hired her meth-head friend to be the property manager of an apartment complex, leaving a half million dollar mess for me to deal with, along with the lawsuits.

Lived in one of the rental properties and managed to turn it into some hideous vortex of feral cats and out of control QVC spending. Just thousands of square feet filled with lovely consumer garbage that will just get thrown away. There isn't a secondary market for this crap.

She has always claimed to be an animal lover, but is utterly incapable of taking care of any actual pet- hence the feral cats. She had a cat living with her in Nevada that her dipshit boyfriend ran over with an ATV. As an animal lover, she wanted to get this animal the best treatment she possibly could. Life Flight took this cat over 200 miles to UC Davis, where the attending veterinarian said "uh this cat is in 3 pieces, why the gently caress didn't you euthanize it?" and promptly did so. Total cost: $34,000.

From what I've figured, the estate was valued somewhere around 15-20 million dollars at the point my grandmother passed away. The remaining beneficiaries aside from my psychotic aunt are my sister and I, and it's a crazy thought to think that I'd be a multimillionaire if it wasn't for a crazy drug addict that blew everything on amazingly stupid poo poo. Fortunately my sister and I do ok for ourselves, but it's completely depressing to see that I could have easily started a company, a philanthropic organization, or who knows what else, if it wasn't for an insane woman destroying four generations of inherited wealth.

She is 61 years old and has never worked a day in her life.

Bastard Tetris fucked around with this message at 11:07 on Apr 13, 2014

VideoTapir
Oct 18, 2005

He'll tire eventually.
Why the gently caress didn't you euthanize your aunt?

EugeneJ
Feb 5, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Inheritance is a bitch. My grandfather's mother left like $200,000 to some church she attended once while she was dying and left him nothing. Never mind that my grandfather and his 14-year old daughter had to take care of her while she had lung cancer for 3 years.

Glad I never met my great-grandmother!

HelloIAmYourHeart
Dec 29, 2008
Fallen Rib
You can Life Flight a cat?

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The Experiment
Dec 12, 2010


Inheritance issues are messy but it often shows who the good people are and who are the pieces of poo poo.

I had a Great Aunt who had a few hundred thousand dollars in savings due to depression-era frugality. As she was getting close to her deathbed, she wanted to update her will. There were pretty much two factions of family: one who I never met and one that I was in. The former family faction swooped in and tried to cajole her to give the money to their side of the family. The other family faction, who included my grandmother, swooped in and tried to cajole her to give the money to her side of the family. The Great Aunt settled on "share and share alike" to both sides of the family which seemed like a fine enough solution. Except that people didn't like it because it meant getting a couple grand instead of tens of thousands of dollars. So they kept fighting and kept trying to get my great aunt to change the will again. Then she died without changing it again. So there was a bunch of fighting to see who deserved it more.

There was talk among my side of the family to pool some money together to hire a lawyer to contest the will. Since I was named as one of the people to get money from the will, I was expected to contribute. I didn't give a poo poo either way and was already tired of the bullshit. Both sides of the family are stereotypical small town conservatives who don't have much money. With me, a LIEberal in engineering who had a bunch of savings and investments, a couple thousand was nice but not earth shattering. To these people, it's a lot of money and I understand why they'd want $15,000 a piece (their estimate) instead of almost $2,200 a piece, which was what we were all going to get. I said I didn't care to get either the inheritance or give money for a lawyer which incited a shitstorm.

I haven't really bothered to talk to these people since. In the end, they got the original amount minus whatever legal fees they pissed away in trying to get more money.

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