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Pththya-lyi posted:Ignorant, more like. They also tend to assume the reverse, that the technology they take for granted has been around for much longer than it actually has. Ah, I had one like this recently. At a party recently one of the adults was telling a story about coming over from the old country (Greece) alone, in the early 1970s when he was 18, and how lived at the YMCA and couldn't talk to his his parents back home for months after arriving because he couldn't afford the long distance charges. A 15-year-old girl who was listening: "couldn't you use Skype or something?" Of course, for her, instantaneous free international communication has been around for as long as she can remember. Skype was founded the year she turned four.
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Mar 31, 2014 07:11
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Buggiezor posted:This post reminded me of the perfect Youtube channel for this thread. Another great YouTube thing is Conversations with my 2 year old, in which this guy reenacts conversations he had with his 2 year old daughter, except she is replaced by an adult man
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Mar 31, 2014 11:17
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Talking to my friend's four year old. He just got a new mech model to put together, but he hadn't taken it out of the box to put it together yet. "What's that you've got there? Is it a robot?" "No. It's a box."
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Mar 31, 2014 12:51
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Arschlochkind posted:It actually wouldn't surprise me that much. My mom teaches 4th grade and routinely gets stuff like "You know who Spider-Man is?! As a banker sometimes we'd have to distract a customer's kids while their parents worked with one of our coworkers. On one occasion I lured a hyper little girl to my desk with crayons and blank paper so her mom could complete a dispute at the other banker's desk. I asked her if she liked drawing. "Yeah, I'm really good at drawing. I'm an artist." I friggin love little kids who haven't figured out humility, I honestly do, it warms my heart. "Well," I said, "what do you want to draw?" "My cat Yoshi. He is actually white but I can't draw that so this is just my interpretation of him [draws purple and pink cat]" "Is Yoshi named after the dinosaur?" She was so surprised, here eyes got huge and she yelled, "HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT YOSHI???" Rat Patrol has a new favorite as of 15:32 on Mar 31, 2014 |
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Mar 31, 2014 15:29
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Me and my brother were interviewed for tv and now our 4 year old niece is super excited how there are two of us: the real ones and the tv ones. I guess that before this she thought that all the tv people were imaginary and we managed to blow her mind.
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Apr 6, 2014 01:30
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Sitting in a restaurant my 4 year old was being quiet staring at something on the wall. Turns out it was a clock. Her: It's 2-o-clock!  I glance at the clock and she's right, it's about 5 til 2. Me: You're right! When did you learn to tell time? Her: I can tell time?  Me: You just said it was 2pm, you were right, it is! Her: No it isn't.  I... what?
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Apr 8, 2014 14:13
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Kodilynn posted:Sitting in a restaurant my 4 year old was being quiet staring at something on the wall. Turns out it was a clock. So ... she can't tell time, she just said it was 2 p.m. out of the blue?
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Apr 8, 2014 15:00
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A stopped child is right twice a day?
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Apr 8, 2014 15:42
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John Liver posted:So ... she can't tell time, she just said it was 2 p.m. out of the blue? She knows her numbers but not necessarily how to tell time just yet. I'd say it was a lucky guess or she was just reading the number on the clock. She randomly says stuff all the time. This is the same kid that asked her mother to cut her open so she could watch her heart beat. She's very random and entertaining, if not occasionally creepy. She's fascinated with death, blood, puss, and what not.
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Apr 8, 2014 17:12
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I have a huge family, on both my mom and my dad's side, so we have loads of these. A handful of standouts: My brother, at 5, didn't want to clear his plate. Him: "My arm! It can't lift it! It's tired!" Me: "Use your other arm." Him: "Um...the other arm is infected with the tired, too. The same brother once picked up the phone when a friend of mine called and informed her, "OK, I'll give him the phone, but just so you know, sometimes he steals my sandwiches." My sister, when she was 6 or so, loudly declared, out of the blue: "Adolf Hitler was a bad man, but he donated marble to our church so he wasn't all bad." (She meant Al Capone, who did indeed donate marble to our church) A few years later, she got involved in pageants – nothing like that exploitative bullshit you see on TV, just a bunch of kids performing their talent, walking around in dresses, and learning how to communicate a bit through interview. One year, she left her interview, declared it was her best ever, and that she was excited to have Harriet Tubman as one of her judges. Apparently one of the judges was a black woman named Harriet, and my sister just thought she was putting two and two together. One of my cousins, when he was about 4, was playing with a G.I. Joe. All of the sudden he stood up, horrified, and yelled: "THERE'S AN ANIMAL UP THERE!" My youngest cousin is adopted from Guatemala. When her mom sent her to her room when she was 4, she had this gem: "Fine! I'll bet my Guatemalan family can't WAIT to see me again." She also refers to my dad, who at 62 is the oldest uncle in the family, as "Uncle Old Man." I think I might have the winner in my family, however. My family was in France when I was about 7 or so, and after several days of seeing the highlights of Paris, my parents decided that they'd take us to Euro Disney. The morning we were supposed to go there, my dad started passing a kidney stone. We were woken up at around 6 in the morning by the sound of loud vomiting and cries of pain (the worst pain he'd ever been in, by his account). I got out of bed and walked over to see my dad hanging over the toilet, sweating like a madman, and my mom worried out of her mind, calling the doctor. I turned to my mom and, with a solemn, sad tone in my voice, asked: "Does this mean we're not going to Disney?" After the worst had passed, my dad got some strong-rear end drugs and ended up taking us to Disney anyway, all while feeling like poo poo, officially canceling my right to complain about anything, ever.
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Apr 9, 2014 07:00
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Driving around town with my nephew (age 2), he randomly blurted out, "I GOT YOU BORRIS!!!" and then fell suspiciously silent. Where did that come from?  It still makes me laugh 'til this day, though it was probably one of those, you-had-to-be-there type moments.I took my 3 year old daughter to one of those picture places at the mall because we had a coupon. My daughter is a bit shy in front of strangers, so to motivate her, I encouraged her to dance for the camera. And oh my god. Did she ever. She started busting out all of these stripper-esque moves (dropping it low, shaking it etc.) much to the horror and dismay of our photographer and passerby. Probably another one of those you-had-to-be-there type of moments. When I was 7 years old, my parents took me to the Excalibur (a hotel in Las Vegas featuring carnival games) for my birthday. I was all gussied up for my special day out and super excited to play one of those "guess your age/weight/birthday" type of games. The MC, being the good showman that he was, complimented me on my pretty dress to which I blurted out, "Thank you! It's my Birthday dress!!" In conclusion, he correctly guessed my birthday and I still got the toy hammer  And last, but not least, I have to share a story about my friend Brian who had an experience at the airport. Brian is 6'5" tall. He was at the Chicago airport when some guy and his 4 year old daughter were approaching him. The girl pointed towards Brian and said "He is tall!". Her dad then turned said to her, "Do you want to touch him?". They kept walking towards Brian and the dad added "Do you want to tickle his feet?". Brian was starting to figure out how he was going to handle this awkward situation... and then he realized they were walking towards the dinosaur statue behind him....
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Apr 11, 2014 16:12
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IAmNotYourRealDad posted:
How did she react when you told her you weren't her biological father? Also does she know you like wearing dresses? When my daughter was potty training she locked herself in the bathroom for an hour. I went to the door to check on her and she yelled "Leave me ALONE I'm thinking about my LIFE!" and when I started laughing she stormed out shouting "I never get my PIE-VASS-EE!"
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Apr 11, 2014 17:26
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My 3 year old son was looking through a catalog with his Grandad and on every page Gramps would ask him what was on the page, so it went like this: Gramps (pointing at a chair): What's that? My Son: A chair Gramps (pointing at a lamp): Great! and what's that? My son: A lamp Gramps (pointing at a bed): Good! and what's My son: A bed Then my son looked at his Grandad with a serious look on his face and said: "Do you know what anything is?"
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Apr 11, 2014 18:44
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Related to this topic, there's a series on youtube called Kids React, which is pretty much what you'd expect it to be: you show a bunch of little kids things (movies, video clips, whatever) and see how they react to them. My favorite is Kids React To Rotary Phones, but there's plenty of other ones that are amusing. (There's also Teens React and Elders React, but they aren't as entertaining.)
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Apr 11, 2014 19:36
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My son just told me "You know what you can do if you fight a bad guy? Punch him in the penis. It will hurt him bad because that really happens in really real real stories."
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Apr 11, 2014 22:47
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IAmNotYourRealDad posted:And last, but not least, I have to share a story about my friend Brian who had an experience at the airport. Brian is 6'5" tall. He was at the Chicago airport when some guy and his 4 year old daughter were approaching him. The girl pointed towards Brian and said "He is tall!". Her dad then turned said to her, "Do you want to touch him?". They kept walking towards Brian and the dad added "Do you want to tickle his feet?". Brian was starting to figure out how he was going to handle this awkward situation... and then he realized they were walking towards the dinosaur statue behind him.... Apparently my Niece has been telling the other children at play school that her Uncle is a giant, to be fair to her I am 6'7". Also when she want's to convey how huge something is she'll describe it "as big as Uncle Tea Bone". She's three years old and comes out with weirdly adult things every now and then; it was her cousin's birthday party a few weeks ago and it happened to be the first nice day of the year, she announced to my Dad on the way there "Lovely day for a party". Another time she was listening to adults talk and came out with "Oh it's amazing what some people think isn't it?" I used to spend a lot of time with my Grandad growing up. He had retired by the time I was born but still owned a few properties and used to take me with him to collect the rent, so I thought that's what he did for a living. When I was 5 or 6 my teacher had us write down what we wanted to be when we grew up, I wanted to be like my Grandad so of course I wrote down "Debt Collector".
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Apr 12, 2014 15:36
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Stairs posted:How did she react when you told her you weren't her biological father? Also does she know you like wearing dresses? I am her biological mother so thankfully, she figured it out on her own in time  Tea Bone posted:...She's three years old and comes out with weirdly adult things every now and then... This. This is my kid. She's an only child and spends the majority of her time surrounded by adults. Her vocabulary is strangely mature compared to other children her age. When she was three, we had an interesting in-depth discussion about faith and religion in which she totally schooled me. She knew all about King Herod being a "baby killer"; and she definitely didn't learn all of that from me. In fact, I had to wiki it  http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massacre_of_the_InnocentsAnother cute story from earlier this year (around age 5), she was learning about the sequence of events in school. Her homework was to write and draw about her in the past, present, and future.  For her past, she wrote, "when I was a baby, I cried." For the present, "Now that I am in first grade, I work." And then, for the future she wrote, "when I grow up, I had to work." Her cycle of life is so depressing. As for another cute anecdote story, I was taking my kid to the mall after school one day. We were having a conversation on the long drive there when all of the sudden she fell silent. I looked back at her and her eyes were wide open and her body was motionless sitting there in her carseat. I started to panic and started screaming at her to get her attention. I immediately pulled the off to the shoulder of the road and began shaking her violently when all of a sudden she "came to". Turns out she fell asleep with her eyes open. We had a good laugh about that one.
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Apr 12, 2014 19:24
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IAmNotYourRealDad posted:I am her biological mother so thankfully, she figured it out on her own in time I know, I was just riffing on your user name! Your kid sounds adorable btw. My toddler kept giving me things yesterday, then saying "no!" and taking them back. I couldn't figure out why until my husband pointed out that I wasn't saying "thank you". After I did that she let me keep what she gave me. Also her new favorite thing to call everyone is "pest" because my husband called her that when she wouldn't stop trying to feed the birds outside by attempting to climb out the window.
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Apr 13, 2014 17:45
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/\/\ Little sponges with excellent hearing, they are. My three year old called his cereal bowl "insufferable" yesterday. Guess what I called him and his brother this past week when they were fighting? 
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Apr 14, 2014 15:27
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Some kids were selling lemonade at the corner of the street. I decided I'd support local business. LEMONADE FOR SALE! I'll buy some lemonade. Well actually it's kool-aid. That's fine Okay, which flavor do you want? Green Apple or Blue? So I got one of both.
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Apr 14, 2014 19:35
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Kodilynn posted:She knows her numbers but not necessarily how to tell time just yet. I'd say it was a lucky guess or she was just reading the number on the clock. She randomly says stuff all the time. This reminds me - when I was in kindergarten my teacher showed the class a stop sign and asked what the sign said. Everyone chimed in "stop!" and she asked us how we knew, since none of us could read yet. I only remember this because I couldn't figure out how I could read a thing when I couldn't actually read. I got incredibly angry... The teacher was playing a trick on us! That had to be it!
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Apr 15, 2014 09:19
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Had a gem this morning that I was laughing too hard to react to. The kid is always such a pleasure in the morning when my wife and I are trying to get out the door. My wife was trying to brush my daughters hair and she was fussing about it and hit my wife on the leg. Wife: Hey, it's not okay to hit me or anyone else. Kid: I wasn't hitting! Wife: Then what were you doing? Kid: I was fisting. Wife:  Me:  Couldn't bring myself to punish her for that one.
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Apr 17, 2014 14:00
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One morning while getting ready for kindergarten I'm telling my daughter to get her shoes on so we can go. "Put your shoes on so we can get going" "Daddy, I'm a Doggie" "Ok little doggie, put your shoes on so we can get out of here" "DOGS DON'T WEAR SHOES DADDY". I was snookered.
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Apr 17, 2014 15:23
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I'm white and my wife is Mexican. One of my nephews really took a shine to me because I'll play xbox with him and stuff. One party I brought my mom with me to her family's house. Nephew: (loudly) "Mom who is that white lady what is she doing here?" Mom: "That's Panfilo's mommy" Nephew: (incredulously) "Really?" Which cracked everybody up. Here's this party with about 50 latinos, one white guy in his twenties and an older white lady. I guess he must have simply assumed I was some kind of albino or something. My mom was obviously some strange old lady that got lost and wandered into the wrong backyard.
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Apr 17, 2014 16:35
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Earlier today, I busted my daughter for eating straight up sugar with a mother loving spoon. This led us to a conversation about the time she was 2 and I watched her from a distance as she left the living room during a commercial break, sneak into the kitchen, climb up the pantry shelves and fill up her sippy cup with syrup. Luckily I caught her in time to stop her. But seriously...  I mean, yeah, I get that kids eat some weird poo poo sometimes. I remember biking to the Rec Center when I was around 10 years old to blow my allowance on anything and everything their vending machine had to offer (the Rec Center of all places). I would then stuff my stash into a backpack and as soon as I got home, would throw everything into a giant mixing bowl which made for some interesting recipes. One of my favorite combinations was when I'd whip up a great 'ole heap of hot fries, Gobstoppers, Skittles, and Mike-N-Ikes. Ah yes. There was nothing better than munching on my creation, washing it down with a can of Grape soda. How do I not have diabetes?!?  Odd eating habits apparently run in the family. My mom tells stories of when she ate sticks of butter as a child and my husband fondly remembers the time he decided pouring sugar and chocolate syrup into his mouth was a good idea ( it wasn't/isn't). Surprisingly, we are not obese Americans as these tales might have you believe.... Speaking about my daughter being a little brat sneaking things from me and lying about it, I am reminded of a time my two younger brothers got a hold of permanent markers. They were ages 4 and 5 having the time of their young lives merrily drawing doodles on each others faces and bodies. My parents busted them after the act and had a brilliant idea of grabbing the video camera for the inevitable confrontation. When asked who was responsible, my brothers can be seen shifting in their seats nervously and after several moments of silence, the older one shouts out, "THE JOKER DID IT!!!" (They were big into Batman at the time). It's just so great to have their deceit captured on film. Speaking of my younger brother, I remember being in first grade and overheard him incorrectly refer to his "thumb" as a "fumb". Being the awesome older sister that I was, I informed the little dumbshit that the word was "THumb". I proceeded to explain how that was the only way it made sense since the other fingers on our hands were called "THingers" whereas he insisted they were actually called "fingers". My oldest sister overheard our entire conversation and was all like  One more quick story while it's on my mind. Over our summer vacations, my mom's side of the family would all get together for some big rear end family reunions (large extended family) and spend a couple weeks with each other. Mom was real good at utilizing the video camera to interview us each year, making sure to go around and ask each child how old they were and such while prompting some hilarity in the process. There is one segment where my cousin and I are playing the card game War and as I am distracted by mom's questioning, my cousin is in the background cheating (horribly I might add) by looking through her cards to pick whichever one could beat the card I had thrown down. Aside from my innocence and oblivion, the best part of the story was that I ended up winning despite her scheming. A good lesson to all you folks: Cheaters Never Prosper. 
IAmNotYourRealDad has a new favorite as of 09:40 on Apr 18, 2014 |
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Apr 18, 2014 09:37
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Saltin posted:One morning while getting ready for kindergarten I'm telling my daughter to get her shoes on so we can go. Dogs in the city wear shoes in the winter to keep the salt off their paws because it irritates their footpads.
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Apr 18, 2014 13:33
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I was talking to my sons friends mother to plan a sleepover for the boys. As I was picking up my son from daycare, I was talking to the other boy and asking him if he was excited and telling him the fun stuff we were planning. At some point in the conversation, I mentioned his mom (they are Puerto Rican), and this other kid comes over and pulls on my pants leg. "Um, Bobby's dad?" "Yeah, buddy? And he leaned in and whispered to me like it was a big, dark secret, "Arthurs moms face is brown."
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Apr 18, 2014 16:15
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N. Senada posted:Some kids were selling lemonade at the corner of the street. I decided I'd support local business. I got a rule to always stop for lemonade stands when biking. On a 90° day I was thrilled to see one, so I stopped. Ordered two right away and the kid was thrilled. I was less thrilled when instead of lemonade the kid was selling little cups of hot peanut M&Ms.
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Apr 18, 2014 16:33
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A friend and his wife were in the kitchen talking, and their 3 year old daughter walked through and farted, and it surprised all three of them. They looked at the kid and she stopped and looked at them, and said "Don't worry, that was just my time machine."
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Apr 20, 2014 04:49
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Yesterday I saw a child (looked to be about 4 or 5), walking with his Mum. The kid tripped over and fell on the floor. He picked himself up and started crying. Through his tears he looked up at his Mum with pure anger and and shouted "What did you do that for?". That cracked me up, the idea that in this little kid's mind it's far more likely that a parent would trip him over on hard pavement for shits and gigs, than it is he'd just trip over his own feet.
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Apr 20, 2014 12:28
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Tea Bone posted:Yesterday I saw a child (looked to be about 4 or 5), walking with his Mum. The kid tripped over and fell on the floor. He picked himself up and started crying. Through his tears he looked up at his Mum with pure anger and and shouted "What did you do that for?". That cracked me up, the idea that in this little kid's mind it's far more likely that a parent would trip him over on hard pavement for shits and gigs, than it is he'd just trip over his own feet. My son used to do this all the time. Like he'd spill his drink as he was toddling around and forget he did it or not realize it and get mad at us for drinking it.
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Apr 20, 2014 16:00
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Between my apartment building and the theater we were going to is a small park and play area. Since me and my girlfriend were waiting for someone else, we decided to wait/play on the swingsets. This is because you're never too old to play on swingsets, especially when they aren't the rickety-rear end ones we had when we were kids. As we're waiting, a mom and a little kid (horrible at ages, maybe 3-4) sees us, and the kid starts bawling. His mom asks him what the problem is, which he articulates between sobs: "I WANTED TO GO ON THE SWINGSET AND WE CAN'T NOW! YOU SAID WE WERE GONNA PLAY ON THE SWI-HI-HI-HI-NGSET" We get out of the swings to show the little kid that he can swing, and he near-immediately stops crying and, between sniffles, says "thank you!" and gives us both leg-hugs. 
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Apr 21, 2014 02:59
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I was knocked over by a tiny kid on a scooter yesterday. He was going right for my husband (6'3") and I shouted "Look out, sweetheart!" at him (the kid) and he switched course and headed right for me (5'9", I guess I looked like an easier target). I fell right over, it was loving hilarious and I could not stop laughing. This child was less than three feet tall, maybe 35 pounds. His mum made him apologize and I ruined the teaching moment because I was laughing so hard it was clear I wasn't upset.
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Apr 21, 2014 03:09
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We flew home today with our 6-year-old. After walking through the metal detector, she asked what it was for. The agent replied that it was to check for metal because it could be dangerous on the plane. "Oh. Why just metal, what about bombs and matches?"
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Apr 21, 2014 04:55
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Today my toddler was enjoying the hell out of her Easter basket and was so sticky she had to have a bath by noon. She really REALLY loves baths. Well after dinner, we had coconut cake and she immediately took a massive handful of whipped cream and smeared it in her hair, looked up at me with a huge grin and shouted BATH!
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Apr 21, 2014 05:25
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My cousin's twins are hilarious. On new year they had the following conversation with my aunt (their grandma). -Gramma, Gramma, could you lay down on the floor? -Why, sweeties? -So we can kick you!  - I'm starting to think someone might have let them play GTA at the daycare, because when my uncle, dad and grandpa went for a test drive in my aunts new car, my cousin's daughter told my cousin: "Mommy, Jasper stole Grammas car!"
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Apr 21, 2014 11:13
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Was talking with my niece this weekend and out of nowhere she said: Niece: Hey Aunt WR, guess what? Me: What sweetie? Niece: I love you! And then she decided that she had to make sure I really, REALLY knew that she loved me, because we got into a conversational loop for about 5 minutes with just those 4 lines.
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Apr 21, 2014 16:39
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A couple of mallard ducks has taken a liking to our yard. We're thinking the female is going to build a nest. They've especially taken a liking to the birdseed that falls on the ground out of our feeder. We have a 5-year-old son who loves ducks and all animals. My wife and I asked him "What should we name our new duck friends?" He thought for a moment, then answered "Microwave and Lightbulb!" Yes, the female has been affectionately named "Microwave" and the male is "Lightbulb." The wife and I think it's hilarious because it's totally something our son would do.
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Apr 21, 2014 18:30
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I distinctly recall overhearing an interesting remark in the school nurse's office many moons ago. "Well, I don't want to chew my finger off, so if I don't have to, I won't." I can't even imagine the context of that. Another gem: my sister's friend helps teach children how to ride horses. One day a 7 year old hell raiser (whose favorite activity is allegedly flipping people off) came in for the first time and my sister's friend was leading his horse. So this kid starts whispering to her, trying to get her to notice him, and when she finally does he says, "I'm going to throw up aaaaalllllll over you." "Please don't!" "I'm gonna throw up EVERYWHERE!" He didn't make good on his threat fortunately.
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Apr 22, 2014 01:45
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4-ish kid of a family friend is opening and repeatedly gulping at the air. We ask him what he's doing. "God is everywhere" -gulp, gulp- "So when I'm doing this" -gulp, gulp- "I'm eating God."
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Apr 22, 2014 04:51
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