lizardman posted:

'Abuse' is probably too strong a word for Benny's family - if only because most abuse victims usually realize how hosed up their situation is and try to run away by the time they're Benny's age - but you can still have a lovely upbringing even if it doesn't fall over the line of flat-out 'abuse'.

Just for fun, I'm going to play a little armchair psychologist here - Benny, let me know if I'm anywhere close or if I'm way off. I'm just taking a guess (and pulling some things out of my rear end for kicks), so I hope you don't take any of this personally:

Mom was a very emotional person, either because at core she was scared of the world or because she was unhappy with her life or both. I don't recall ever hearing about a Dad being around, but if he was, life in the "Snake" household was often punctuated with many intense fights and arguments. There were happy times, but even then there was always a weird tension because you never really knew when a fight might break out, and it didn't seem to matter if it was at home or in public or even in front of your friends (if you were allowed to have friends over). It might have lead to a divorce.

Life with just Mom was a little better, if only because there were less people around to set her off, but you would still have to walk on your tip-toes around her because you never could tell when something might frighten her or offend her sensibilities, and she'd take it out on you guys by screaming at your or smacking you, even if you had little to do with it or if what you did was just an accident. She'd demand an apology or an oath not to do whatever got you in trouble again, but when you did she would continue screaming at you regardless, just as if you had refused and told her to shut up - it's like you could never win.

On the other hand, she was often quite pleasant and it was obvious she loved you guys - she even kind of spoiled you a bit. You had little in the way of chores and she'd constantly be working in the house, cooking and cleaning and taking care of the house, even if she had a job. She'd get you all the little things you wanted, like comic books and such, even moreso if she had a job and she wasn't really around all day. If you offered to help her she would rebuke you - you wouldn't know what you were doing and she didn't have the time (read: patience) to teach you, anyway. And when you DID try to help her without asking, she wound up getting mad because you didn't do it right or you wound up messing something up. Mom was pretty good to you guys so long as you did OK in school, stayed out of her way because don't you see she's busy and working hard for you guys, and didn't get into trouble (especially trouble at school or around other people that would make her look bad).

...But you never could tell what would get you in trouble, could you? SOMETHING would always happen, sometimes things that you knew most folks didn't even think were a big deal, like two lesbians kissing on TV, or things that weren't even your fault, like two lesbians kissing on TV, and it would always result in screaming, smacking, or threatening to take away the things she'd gotten you. She had a martyr complex: even if she didn't say it outright, the implication was for all the things I do for you, I pamper you and take care of you, the least you can do is just not upset me and make life harder for me, you are my burden to bear. She wanted you to feel sorry for her. In your household guilt and love were the same thing. She's not in any particular hurry for you to get out of the house, because without you there's less people for her to sacrifice herself and be a martyr for and have people feel guilty for her.

And you DID feel sorry for her, at least for a while, and while she did do a lot for you, you didn't truly respect her, because it's difficult to respect something you pitied. And what's more, she never felt sorry for YOU, she never gave YOU the benefit of the doubt, these things she did weren't because she felt sorry for you, it was so YOU could feel sorry for HER, and you felt there was a very important type of affection you were missing from her.

You learned early on that the only way to stave off punishment was utter compliance, and you also learned you could only truly be compliant by (a) not doing things until she asks or tells you to, and (b) suppressing any kind of "trouble" that would come up. You learned to keep things from her. You learned to bend the truth to mitigate your culpability in anything. If something wrong happened, you would only bring it up to her (if you had to at all) after you tried to fix it. You learned not to go out of your way to do much of anything because it was probably just going to lead to more trouble. You did this so you could keep things in that very neutral space where there was no trouble and nothing new and scary was happening - the only space of peace.

lizardman posted:

lizardman posted:

'Abuse' is probably too strong a word for Benny's family - if only because most abuse victims usually realize how hosed up their situation is and try to run away by the time they're Benny's age

God Over Djinn posted:

Yup. My eyeglasses cost close to $1k/pair with insurance (and my insurance is excellent); prescription sunglasses were about $800. If your eyesight is bad enough and you can't wear contacts there's really nothing you can do. Pretty understandable thing to spend a loan on IMO.

e: and if his eyes are as bad as mine he probably won't be able to buy glasses online.

Sunshine89 posted:

I'll say it again: The people obsessed with Benny come off way worse than Benny at his worst.

On that, good job Benny! I really hope this is the first step on the road to independence, and I really hope you become an E/N Success Story!

docbeard posted:

Um, yeah. There's a line between insightful support and creepy voyeurism and it's, um, way back there holy poo poo lizardman blew past that line like it wasn't even there.

Can we please get back to halfhearted congratulations, bad advice, and jokes about hangovers and carts? Please?

lizardman posted:

Aww, if you guys were legit creeped out I apologize, I really was just trying to have fun. Also I was mostly just describing a typical dysfunctional Catholic family Including, uh, my own

Leopold N. Loeb posted:

Yeah I got an eye exam for 160 with no insurance (would have been less but I hadn't had an exam in a while so I sprung for a better test). Bought 2 pairs of glasses from Walmart for about 100 apiece. I have spent as much as 450 for a single pair with insurance for say Armani or Dolce & Gabbana frames when I was younger and less practical.

Most full time jobs' health insurance covers insanely cheap or even free eye exams.

I only have mild astigmatism for what it's worth.

i am he posted:

no they don't it is like one dollar unless they changed it in the last month

e: this doesn't even matter because benny will never muster up the will to go to the optometrist and get his prescription, but he really should

lizardman posted:

Aww, if you guys were legit creeped out I apologize, I really was just trying to have fun. Also I was mostly just describing a typical dysfunctional Catholic family Including, uh, my own

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

It was like 300 when I looked into it but admittedly that was many years ago. vv

lizardman posted:

'Abuse' is probably too strong a word for Benny's family - if only because most abuse victims usually realize how hosed up their situation is and try to run away by the time they're Benny's age

Impatient Skype JO posted:

Thanks to you goons for mentioning these, I was just about to buy a new pair of glasses to replace my 500-odd dollar pair.

Why do you keep trying to remove his personal agency from the equation?

Seven Hundred Bee posted:

It's $0. You just provide a CC incase you steal the glasses.

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

Is "admittedly that was many years ago" as difficult for you to wrap your mind around as the phrase "in case"?

AlbieQuirky posted:

Glasses costs vary a lot depending on your prescription. I usually get mine from Coastal or Zenni for $50 or $60, but my husband's eyes are so hosed up that his lenses alone cost $300 from LensCrafters (and cheaper places won't even touch his prescription because stocking the special coke-bottle blanks is too expensive).

Count Chocula posted:

Because when you grow up in a household like his, your way of thinking and reacting to the world is conditioned by growing up in that environment. It's like blaming a plant that's been planted in the shade for not growing as tall as one planted in the sun.

Lizardman's post sounds pretty accurate. It reminds me of how my family functions, and all of us kids who grew up in it are emotionally deformed in some way. And that's not even including the physical abuse Benny puts up with.

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

Is "admittedly that was many years ago" as difficult for you to wrap your mind around as the phrase "in case"?

lizardman posted:

Aww, if you guys were legit creeped out I apologize, I really was just trying to have fun. Also I was mostly just describing a typical dysfunctional Catholic family Including, uh, my own

Impatient Skype JO posted:

That doesn't change the fact that Benny is an adult and needs to learn to be responsible. He can't keep falling back on excuses to get himself where he needs to be.


What is your problem? Calm down.

Benny the Snake posted:

Lizardman, the lambs have never stopped screaming *hissing* ...yeah, I never saw "The Silence of the Lambs"

Anyway, today was my first day of work. My job was to post items up on sites like EBay and Amazon for sale. While pricing, I have to take into consideration rates such as the base price of the item, markup, shipping, and a profit margin. If I can meet the profit margin while posting at the competition's lowest price then I post and if not, I pass. My manager insists that I meet the lowest price instead of lowballing them. The lunch break is an hour and is unpaid, so I'm working 25 hours a week instead of 30. I'm not complaining, though. I spoke the assistant director at the library and he told me that he needs to speak with my supervisor first before I can make my own schedule. I should hear from him by Wednesday.

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

What is your problem if you're reading every question mark as shrieking fury? It's mildly annoying when goons can't read plain English. I'm sorry if that frightens you. Take a few deep breaths and try to calm down about it.

quote:

And lol at your continued failure to understand what anybody's trying to explain to you about abuse. Identifying a symptom isn't excuse-making. Maybe you'd understand better if you were calmer.

Lead out in cuffs posted:

He gets to copywrite eBay ads. In English.
And can we leave off actively trying to sabotage Benny by telling him how lovely his job is before he's even worked two days at it? If he can hold this down for two weeks, that'll already be better than his past record. Let him show that he can do this.

Benny the Snake posted:

Lizardman, the lambs have never stopped screaming *hissing* ...yeah, I never saw "The Silence of the Lambs"

Anyway, today was my first day of work. My job was to post items up on sites like EBay and Amazon for sale. While pricing, I have to take into consideration rates such as the base price of the item, markup, shipping, and a profit margin. If I can meet the profit margin while posting at the competition's lowest price then I post and if not, I pass. My manager insists that I meet the lowest price instead of lowballing them. The lunch break is an hour and is unpaid, so I'm working 25 hours a week instead of 30. I'm not complaining, though. I spoke the assistant director at the library and he told me that he needs to speak with my supervisor first before I can make my own schedule. I should hear from him by Wednesday.

Strategic Tea posted:

Hey Americans, most degrees are not job training

natetimm posted:

What are the pay and benefits like?

Robot_Rumpus posted:

No kidding. But Benny specifically said it was related to his degree, that's why people are asking. No one thought he was actually going to get anything related to his degree. I would guess the job that Benny actually got is in the range of jobs that most people thought he could get.

Sigma-X posted:

It is apparent based upon his description that it doesn't relate to his degree beyond simple copywriting for ebay ads. That's fine, it doesn't have to take advantage of his degree. If all menial jobs were required to take advantage of a bachelor's degree Starbucks wouldn't be able to employ the majority of their staff.