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My dad taught me to watch the cross-traffic lights to know when your light was turning green when I was loving 5. So watching morons do the inch forward and stop, repeat until green poo poo has been driving me insane roughly that long. Thanks, dad, for giving me an early start on my hatred of other drivers. edit: BTW, making your kid think you are a wizard by snapping your fingers to "make the lights turn green" is a cool-dad-thing, that also works on slow friends 
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Apr 24, 2014 11:36
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Pham Nuwen posted:The worst part is that it's so. Goddamn. Easy. To know when the light is going to change. So loving easy. And yet I watch people jumping on and off the brakes over and over, then being caught completely by surprise when the light changes. I hate the fact that they've replaced the timing of the lights on most intersections around here with some "smart" light bullshit that makes it so you can't anticipate when the lights change, and then they only give you two seconds to go through it. The worst intersection around here has a left turn that is left-turn on green only, and then the light only turns green once every three cycles and THEN only long enough for ONE loving car to get through. I hoisted rear end one time to get through that light being the second person in line while it turned yellow, and some rear end in a top hat cop actually had the audacity to pull me over for it and give me a warning. My insane mind has a feeling he only did it so he could get through the intersection without waiting another 15 god damned minutes (I somehow didn't notice him right behind me in the turn lane).
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Apr 24, 2014 14:23
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Terrible Robot posted:My dad taught me to watch the cross-traffic lights to know when your light was turning green when I was loving 5. So watching morons do the inch forward and stop, repeat until green poo poo has been driving me insane roughly that long. Thanks, dad, for giving me an early start on my hatred of other drivers. I was taught to look at pedestrian walk signals, as soon as they stop flashing, the light will turn yellow. It's even gotten easier now that a lot of walk signs around where I live have actual countdowns showing just how long it's going to take.
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Apr 24, 2014 14:31
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Watching cross traffic's light works until you end up in one of those rear end in a top hat cities that bought special lights with a lens that tweaks the light so you can only tell if they're lit when you're looking at them straight on.  Less common these days now that LED lights are replacing pretty much everything but it was not unusual back in the 90's.
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Apr 24, 2014 14:38
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nsaP posted:Stop light inchers are the worst. My mom will move feet at a red light that isn't anywhere near turning green. I also hate these motherfuckers. I'll move up maybe 1 millimeter and the rear end in a top hat who, is already so far up my butt that he might as well be stopped in my trunk, moves up a good 3 inches. Hey, dipshit. I'm moving forward so there is a slightly less chance your dumb rear end potentially drives into me while we just sit here. I want to get out and kick their teeth and hope they react like a scolded dog; whimper away and NEVER pull that poo poo again.
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Apr 24, 2014 14:41
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Krakkles fucked around with this message at 22:08 on May 15, 2018 |
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Apr 24, 2014 15:10
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Krakkles posted:They usually get the hint if you roll back. Having a manual car, this can be all too much fun. 
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Apr 24, 2014 15:19
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GramCracker posted:Having a manual car, this can be all too much fun. Automatics have neutral too. 
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Apr 24, 2014 15:27
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Terrible Robot posted:edit: BTW, making your kid think you are a wizard by snapping your fingers to "make the lights turn green" is a cool-dad-thing, that also works on slow friends All I remember as as kid is my dad trying to do this, and it working only about half the time. Nice try, dad. I have been making a better effort recently to actually time lights down to the second, though. It might not really help, but it feels kinda nice I guess.  xzzy posted:Automatics have neutral too. And reverse as well, and I'm pretty sure these inchers would freak the hell out of your reverse lights turned on. Probably a lot less accidental, but, y'know, if you want to send a message...
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Apr 24, 2014 15:33
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Tha Chodesweller posted:
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Apr 24, 2014 15:47
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Clutch in, shift to reverse, Give it one nice rev all the way up to the fuel cutoff. That should cure them of inching up behind people. If they confront you, your car is having electrical problems. I am one of the people you share the road with.
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Apr 24, 2014 16:07
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I parked beside one of my coworkers last night (we work overnights), and saw that her fairly new Toyota (well, late-model) was gouged and striped with yellow paint all the way down one side. Bumper to bumper, sill to beltline, the curves flattened. The coworker I was riding with said something along the lines of "Christ on a stick, what happened?" I looked more closely at the stripes, and saw that the side mirror was intact and the opponent's paint was chunky, same poo poo they use to paint the stripes in the parking lot. "Lamppost," I deduced. We asked her about it. Apparently when leaving work the previous morning, a bug of some sort got in her face and then went down her shirt as she was pulling out of her parking space, and she flipped out trying to grab at it, let go of all the controls, and scraped the paint off a concrete light bollard while basically ghostriding the whip. Like so:  I don't know about y'all, but my full-on panic reaction in a moving car includes "stomp the everliving gently caress out of the brake pedal", sometimes to my detriment (there was that time I stabbed the brakes while swerving onto a gravel shoulder and spun it across the median...) Also, that's a hell of an automatic transmission, to keep on truckin' at idle when stuck against something hard enough to all but rip a panel off. I mean, I've bent a license plate pulling up too close to a light pole in a new car I didn't innately feel the dimensions of, and found no fault when my SO folded a rear bumper in half backing into one that wasn't lit, but I'd think that at some point the horrendous metal-rending sounds coming from one's left would overpower the sensation of a bug in one's bra. I could see ruining a front fender in that situation, but the entire side of the car?
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Apr 24, 2014 16:18
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Bad Angus! Bad!
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Snowdens Secret posted:You would think with roughly an entire generation raised on rhythm games this problem would be self-solving, but no As Catholicism has proven, the rhythm method doesn't work.
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Apr 24, 2014 16:29
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GramCracker posted:I also hate these motherfuckers. I'll move up maybe 1 millimeter and the rear end in a top hat who, is already so far up my butt that he might as well be stopped in my trunk, moves up a good 3 inches. Hey, dipshit. I'm moving forward so there is a slightly less chance your dumb rear end potentially drives into me while we just sit here. I want to get out and kick their teeth and hope they react like a scolded dog; whimper away and NEVER pull that poo poo again. I teach drivers ed and we push the "stop at a distance where you can see the car in front of you's rear tire and pavement" so in case the car rolls back or breaks down, you have room to move over a lane to get around. Or if you're hit from behind, you won't hit the guy in front of you (and get a ticket for being too close). Students get such bad habits from their parents about this. We'll be stopped at a red light, and after a moment, they start inching closer, and closer, and closer. We usually hit the instructor brake when they start doing it and ask "what are you doing?" The typical response is "I don't know..." It's stupidly mental, its probably from lining up at concerts, movies, etc, where you want to get a close as possible so that no one cuts in. I also see a poo poo-ton of people just plain not signaling. That drives me up the wall.
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Apr 24, 2014 16:32
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It takes a very special kind of person to see you standing in a crosswalk, waiting to cross (when you have the right of way) stare you in the eyes, and then speed up.
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Apr 24, 2014 16:56
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Why would you ever just stand in a crosswalk?
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Apr 24, 2014 17:16
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Snowdens Secret posted:Why would you ever just stand in a crosswalk? Because assholes won't stop?
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Apr 24, 2014 17:42
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Zamboni Apocalypse posted:Because assholes won't stop? "in" "a crosswalk"
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Apr 24, 2014 17:47
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I leave enough space between me and the car in front of me that I can cut the wheel and switch to another lane if my GPS finishes freaking out and decides I don't want a left turn here after all. RECALCULATING! RECALCULATING! TAKE A LEFT ON HOWARD STREET! RECALCULATING! GO ONE MILE, TAKE A RIGHT ON MAIN STREET! RECALC... RECALCULATING! jesus christ! I haven't even moved! That's also enough room to not worry about rollbacks from lovely mantrans drivers.
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Apr 24, 2014 17:52
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Snowdens Secret posted:Why would you ever just stand in a crosswalk? Because if you stand on the sidewalk next to the crosswalk glaring at drivers, they will never stop and let you cross. So I stand just over the curb to let them know "HEY! I'M WALKIN OVER HERE!" before putting my squishy meat body in front of their 2 ton hunk of steel.
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Apr 24, 2014 18:04
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Krakkles posted:"in" "a crosswalk" "OK, it's clear except for that car a block away, I can start across and he'll... not slow down at all, gently caress, better take a step back into the parking-lane section, yeah, fucker didn't even look, looks clear except for the car coming the other way now..." This has happened when I've had the actual crosswalk signal. To go with the *green light* for traffic travelling across that street.
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Apr 24, 2014 18:35
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GramCracker posted:Having a manual car, this can be all too much fun. I remember when my dad was first teaching me to drive, I was sitting at stop sign on a pretty steep hill and the guy behind me pulled right up my rear end. Being new to driving a manual, I rolled back maybe a foot and bumped him. I started freaking out and my dad just said "gently caress him, he was way to close to you. his fault just go.".
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Apr 24, 2014 19:28
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kastein posted:I leave enough space between me and the car in front of me that I can cut the wheel and switch to another lane if my GPS finishes freaking out and decides I don't want a left turn here after all. RECALCULATING! RECALCULATING! TAKE A LEFT ON HOWARD STREET! RECALCULATING! GO ONE MILE, TAKE A RIGHT ON MAIN STREET! RECALC... RECALCULATING! jesus christ! I haven't even moved! I hate when people bitch about GPSs, they are really not that difficult to use. Just slow down or pull over  to let it do its thing. Hell most of the time I can just glance at the map and know exactly why (and where) it wants me to make five right turns. . . So many people just freak out and start screaming "The GPS is trying to kill me!"SocketSeven posted:Because if you stand on the sidewalk next to the crosswalk glaring at drivers, they will never stop and let you cross. So I stand just over the curb to let them know "HEY! I'M WALKIN OVER HERE!" before putting my squishy meat body in front of their 2 ton hunk of steel. I find if I stand near the curb drivers will sound there horns and attempt to swerve into the next lane. Using a crosswalk here is so loving foreig that even just preparing to cross scares drivers. . . I guess thats why I should just close my eyes and start jay walking next time. gently caress the cars, they have insurance. Not Wolverine fucked around with this message at 20:06 on Apr 24, 2014 |
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Apr 24, 2014 19:31
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Crotch Fruit posted:I hate when people bitch about GPSs, they are really not that difficult to use. Just slow down or [/i]pull over[/I] I know how to drive, don't worry about that. I like how you recommended I slow down or pull over when it's usually freaking out when I'm stopped... at a loving stop light. How much slower or more stopped do you want me to be? Mine just likes to randomly drift around the map, the GPS receiver isn't the best so it randomly thinks I'm moving from place to place within like 100-200 feet of where I actually am, even if I'm not moving. Every time it sees me jump from one street to another, it has to recalculate and gives me directions that don't make sense again, because I'm not where it thinks I am. In fact this is actually worst when I'm stopped at an intersection because GPS location drift puts me in a lot more possible places, and (say, at a 4 way, including facing both directions on each road) 87% of them are wrong and will result in bad directions. You might be reading more into what I was saying than I intended. All I'm saying here is that my GPS unit sucks and if I'm stopped in traffic it freaks the gently caress out, so I like to have room to change lanes if I realize it's got its head up its rear end while waiting for a light to change.
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Apr 24, 2014 19:52
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Zamboni Apocalypse posted:"OK, it's clear except for that car a block away, I can start across and he'll... not slow down at all, gently caress, better take a step back into the parking-lane section, yeah, fucker didn't even look, looks clear except for the car coming the other way now..." There is a crosswalk near me that crosses an avenue. The ped-xing signal goes green at the same time the lights for cross traffic to join the avenue does. Crossing requires getting stuck in the middle of the avenue for an entire light cycle, or taking your chances that a car making a left won't see you or the ped-xing sign and just run you the gently caress over, and they'll still try and do it if you wait for the extra light cycle anyway.
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Apr 24, 2014 19:58
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kastein posted:I know how to drive, don't worry about that. I didnt mean to addrees you specifically, but it does sound like your GPS needs an exorcism. . . is it a TomTom? But everyone I have ever rode with will break down in tears if the GPS ever says "recalculating" and it seems like every comedian alive has to have a GPS skit. They are not that hard to use, they require a tiny bit of thought, but using a GPS is honesty very easy to do.
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Apr 24, 2014 20:13
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I was driving down the interstate and went under another interstate that crossed on a bridge overhead. The GPS I was following thought I had suddenly jumped onto the cross road, 60 feet above me and going 90 degrees to the direction I was actually traveling. *recalculating* Five seconds later I was out from under the bridge, it thought I jumped back down, and now was going down the road I was actually going down. *recalculating* I use my phone as GPS these days, but it likes to tell me 3-4 times about the turn I am about to make (turn right coming up, turn right ahead, turn right now) and I get mad an yell at it, so usually the voice navigation is off and I just follow the map.
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Apr 24, 2014 20:22
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So I'm pulling out of the grocery store. Making a right hand turn and I have the green light for several seconds. Some oval office in a sedan blows right through the red light, doesn't even see me as I lay on the horn and stop short to prevent from being broadsided by her Then what does she do? She pulls up to the next set of lights, which has a protected right turn with a green signal on the right. It's a T-intersection and there is no way to go straight. She stops at the loving protected green. I lay on my horn and leave it down. She proceeds through the intersection, but not before the signal turned red. 
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Apr 24, 2014 21:09
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Crotch Fruit posted:I didnt mean to addrees you specifically, but it does sound like your GPS needs an exorcism. . . is it a TomTom? But everyone I have ever rode with will break down in tears if the GPS ever says "recalculating" and it seems like every comedian alive has to have a GPS skit. They are not that hard to use, they require a tiny bit of thought, but using a GPS is honesty very easy to do. I've owned two tomtoms, a garmin, and now the GPS app on my cellphone. They all did it to varying degrees, the garmin absolutely sucked in other ways but was the least affected by this problem. I hope the jackass who stole the second tomtom followed its directions blindly and ended up on the bottom of a lake. The funniest and most enraging was the second tomtom, it had absolutely no idea what to do when I went to NYC one time. signal reflections off the buildings drove it berzerk and it spent so much time zooming/panning/gyrating wildly and yelling RECALCULATING that I couldn't even see where I was trying to go and ended up just bullshitting my way there.
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Apr 24, 2014 21:18
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I have a Magellan. If it was listened to, it would have me on a perpetual loop going on, and off cloverleaf exits on pretty much any offramp from a major highway. It hasn't been turned on in several years due to this. The 2009 SD card update is superb. If you touch anything, it freezes. If you set more than 3 destination points, it dies randomly between them. If you ask it to recall your membership IDs (AAA, etc), it is prone to redirecting you back home. You know, because gently caress that. I really, really, REALLY hated the navigation built into the SAAB. So, I used it in my West-East-West endeavor a couple years back. By the time I hit Penn, I didn't mind it. By the time I started heading back, and turned on "Avoid Major Cities", I absolutely adored it. I wish there were updates for it after 2008. 
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Apr 24, 2014 21:24
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West SAAB Story posted:the rhythm method doesn't work.
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Apr 24, 2014 21:26
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InitialDave posted:You're hardly the Kwisatz Haderach mate. Sorry, I may fix kindles, but I only speak superset dialects of nerd. I only go two neckbeards deep. 
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Apr 24, 2014 21:29
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Terrible Robot posted:edit: BTW, making your kid think you are a wizard by snapping your fingers to "make the lights turn green" is a cool-dad-thing, that also works on slow friends My dad used to do that. The other trick was putting his knee against the steering wheel and convincing me that the cruise control was somehow also an autopilot. I was pretty gullible at the age of 6.
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Apr 24, 2014 22:19
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That's a point in your favour, precocious children is the worst loving thing.
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Apr 24, 2014 22:22
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My dad would let me sit in the front seat without a belt on in his early 80's Malibu. Cracked the windshield with my head the one time we got into a low speed fender bender. Yes, I now wear my seat belt every single time I'm in the car. Why do you ask?
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Apr 24, 2014 22:42
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I wasn't sure if this should go here or in the horrible car poo poo thread.
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Apr 25, 2014 01:32
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kastein posted:I wasn't sure if this should go here or in the horrible car poo poo thread. Both. Ugh.
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Apr 25, 2014 15:00
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How would that even work
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Apr 25, 2014 15:34
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Snowdens Secret posted:How would that even work It rips the sheet metal off the trunk; that's how.
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Apr 25, 2014 15:36
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I'm sure they drilled through the trunk and booger welded a frame of rebar (stolen from a work site) to attach it to the "frame" which was actually just a smooth patch of metal that looked "pretty solid."
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Apr 25, 2014 15:40
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