More shit that pisses you off: What does that say about the quality of your emails?

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > More shit that pisses you off: What does that say about the quality of your emails?

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Westie: May 30, 2013; Baboon Simulator

QuiteEasilyDone posted:

Probably some vague mandate to remind the customer who they ordered from by an executive who had a marketing intern propose it as part of a new strategic initiative to increase market penetration, maximise brand loyalty, and enhance intangible assets. This of course as executed by an outsourced engineering team and integrated into the invoicing system by an overworked DBA who just wants to be let out of the dell ordering system farm to see the light of day again for just a moment.

Actually, I lied.

There were two 'Thank you for choosing Dell' items on the invoice.
Also, there were 10 'not included' items on the invoice. As in, the SKU was '800-13150', and the quantity of this SKU was 10.

Oh, and for some reason each of the 'thanks!' items had different SKUs.

# ? May 5, 2014 19:37

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# ? May 11, 2024 12:07

Helushune: Oct 5, 2011

evobatman posted:

Our Dell rep just quit his job, so maybe now I can get someone who can configure my five change requests that I ask for in one email, instead of me having to send five emails with successively less change requests in each.

We've gone through about three Dell account reps this year alone and I'm pretty sure they're just getting axed left and right. Provided, the ones we've had lately have not been helpful in slightest. They hardly read any emails we send to them or they have no knowledge of basic Outlook functionality and keep attaching the same invoice that we denied instead of the updated one.

# ? May 5, 2014 21:12

Cenodoxus: Mar 29, 2012; while [[ true ]] ; do
��pour()
done

QuiteEasilyDone posted:

Probably some vague mandate to remind the customer who they ordered from by an executive who had a marketing intern propose it as part of a new strategic initiative to increase market penetration, maximise brand loyalty, and enhance intangible assets. This of course as executed by an outsourced engineering team and integrated into the invoicing system by an overworked DBA who just wants to be let out of the dell ordering system farm to see the light of day again for just a moment.

I'd love to meet the person who decided that itemizing intangibles was an acceptable practice. If you have to remind me how great your service is every time I buy something, it's probably not that loving great.

code:

SKU      | DESCRIPTION                            | QTY | PRICE
D-001328 | 3' CAT6 PATCH CABLE - RED              |   1 |  1.14
I-017551 | HASSLE-FREE 30 DAY RETURNS             |   1 |  0.00
C-000231 | 14 DAY PRICE MATCH                     |   1 |  0.00
K-311452 | WORLD-CLASS CUSTOMER SERVICE GUARANTEE |   1 |  0.00
B-007128 | DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT SOME TIME      |   1 |  0.00
U-007128 | PLEASE WE GET REALLY LONELY            |   1 |  0.00
T-092113 | THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS            |   1 |  0.00
T-092113 | THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS            |   1 |  0.00

# ? May 5, 2014 21:30

Sonic Dude: May 6, 2009

Cenodoxus posted:

code:

SKU      | DESCRIPTION                            | QTY | PRICE
D-001328 | 3' CAT6 PATCH CABLE - RED              |   1 |  1.14
I-017551 | HASSLE-FREE 30 DAY RETURNS             |   1 |  0.00
C-000231 | 14 DAY PRICE MATCH                     |   1 |  0.00
K-311452 | WORLD-CLASS CUSTOMER SERVICE GUARANTEE |   1 |  0.00
B-007128 | DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT SOME TIME      |   1 |  0.00
U-007128 | PLEASE WE GET REALLY LONELY            |   1 |  0.00
T-092113 | THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS            |   1 |  0.00
T-092113 | THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS            |   1 |  0.00

A lot of times that's used for tagging invoices in a system that doesn't support real tags. B-007128 could be a certain pricing level that they wanted to record and then report on, or it could mean "this invoice isn't refundable for X reason," or whatever.

# ? May 5, 2014 21:39

UFOTacoMan: Sep 22, 2005; Thanks easter bunny!
bok bok!

Is it so hard to just type a subject in the 'subject' field of emails? I'm sure it's come up before but today is my day to get pissed about it. Beep bop boop I'm a robot.

# ? May 5, 2014 21:51

Westie: May 30, 2013; Baboon Simulator

Cenodoxus posted:

code:

K-311452 | WORLD-CLASS CUSTOMER SERVICE GUARANTEE |   1 |  0.00
B-007128 | DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT SOME TIME      |   1 |  0.00
U-007128 | PLEASE WE GET REALLY LONELY            |   1 |  0.00
T-092113 | THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS            |   1 |  0.00

Do you get your cables from a prostitute/escort agency?

Otherwise, that's kinda creepy.

# ? May 5, 2014 22:19

Volmarias: Dec 31, 2002; EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

UFOTofuTacoCat posted:

Is it so hard to just type a subject in the 'subject' field of emails? I'm sure it's come up before but today is my day to get pissed about it. Beep bop boop I'm a robot.

Better emails with no subject and a body, or emails with the body in the subject?

# ? May 5, 2014 22:21

Helushune: Oct 5, 2011

Westie posted:

Do you get your cables from a prostitute/escort agency?

Otherwise, that's kinda creepy.

My favorite is that the SKUs spell "dickbutt". I almost wish I still worked retail so I could set something up that spells obscenities with the SKUs.

# ? May 5, 2014 22:23

Thanks Ants: May 21, 2004; #essereFerrari

Everyone I receive emails from has slowly started to forget that the shift key exists, but only in emails and only when writing the subject.

I guess I should be grateful that I'm getting a subject at all, but it's such an easy way to look unprofessional.

# ? May 5, 2014 22:30

Orcs and Ostriches: Aug 26, 2010; The Great Twist

People emailing me know the Shift key exists, but only when adding punctuation.

quote:

is the system down???????!

First, what the gently caress does that even mean? And second, why do otherwise professional people who are very articulate in every other situation do that?

# ? May 5, 2014 22:34

SubjectVerbObject: Jul 27, 2009

Orcs and Ostriches posted:

People emailing me know the Shift key exists, but only when adding punctuation.

First, what the gently caress does that even mean? And second, why do otherwise professional people who are very articulate in every other situation do that?

This is the only possible reply:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILVfzx5Pe-A

# ? May 5, 2014 22:40

stubblyhead: Sep 13, 2007; That is treason, Johnny!; Fun Shoe

SubjectVerbObject posted:

This is the only possible reply:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILVfzx5Pe-A

cmon fhqwhgads. I see you jackin me. Trying to act like you know me?

# ? May 6, 2014 00:30

capitalcomma: Sep 9, 2001; A grim bloody fable, with an unhappy bloody end.

poo poo not pissing me off today, but making me laugh and laugh: after installing our new VoIP servers, our resellers spring new software requirements on us for their lovely server component.

- Do not run Antivirus on this server.
- Do not run a firewall on this server.
- Set an administrator account on the server to auto-logon.
- Better yet, make that a domain admin account.

Ha ha, you are adorable. :allears:

(I basically just said "yeah, no" and they backed off.)

capitalcomma fucked around with this message at 02:26 on May 6, 2014

# ? May 6, 2014 02:17

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

Sounder posted:

poo poo not pissing me off today, but making me laugh and laugh: after installing our new VoIP servers, our resellers spring new software requirements on us for their lovely server component.

- Do not run Antivirus on this server.
- Do not run a firewall on this server.
- Set an administrator account on the server to auto-logon.
- Better yet, make that a domain admin account.

Ha ha, you are adorable.

(I basically just said "yeah, no" and they backed off.)

ShoreTel? Our list included "Don't patch this" as well.

# ? May 6, 2014 02:43

mewse: May 2, 2006

kensei posted:

ShoreTel? Our list included "Don't patch this" as well.

Sup ShoreTel buddy. Our VoIP admin probably has dylexia and I'm going to end up taking all his work if I stick around for another year or two.

# ? May 6, 2014 02:46

capitalcomma: Sep 9, 2001; A grim bloody fable, with an unhappy bloody end.

kensei posted:

ShoreTel? Our list included "Don't patch this" as well.

Yep.

# ? May 6, 2014 02:47

CitizenKain: May 27, 2001; That was Gary Cooper, asshole.; Nap Ghost

I think my direct supervisor is going insane. Last week, he asked me to get someone to take a picture of an network cabinet that wasn't closed all the way. He told me to get someone on premise to do it, but I figured since our other IT department is literally across the street, I'd get one of them to do it, that way they might even be able to fix it. So I arrange that, then I have to hit to road for another project. This morning, he complains about what happened, and why I didn't get the picture and I said I asked someone in IT to get it, but they must have gotten busy and I'd ask again, so he storms off saying thats why I shouldn't have called them. I find out later that he'd gotten the picture of the cabinet on Friday, and no one has yet figured out why he was upset. Or if he was upset. All of us were confused.

This is after sending me to a site to install a fan in a network cabinet, having never done this, I asked if I needed any extra tools, he said only a screwdriver was necessary, as the knockouts on top only take a little work to open. As it turns out, you likely need a rubber mallet and a long rigid screwdriver, plus some pliers to work on the knockouts, or maybe a dremel to buzz down the metal holding the knockouts in. I mention this to him and he says "Yea, you should have had better tools, they can be hard to get out." Apparently as a network administrator I'm expect to carry a full set of tools with me at all times.

# ? May 6, 2014 03:11

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

mewse posted:

Sup ShoreTel buddy. Our VoIP admin probably has dylexia and I'm going to end up taking all his work if I stick around for another year or two.

I got a lot of ours thru not saying no.

Sounder posted:

Yep.

It's not horrible if you have a good vendor. The one we have now is worlds better, and is still bad.

# ? May 6, 2014 03:19

Loten: Dec 8, 2005

A guy who recently left, installed Snort on the guest network gateway days prior to leaving. Yes I understand the need for some sort of IDS/IPS on an otherwise unsecured network, but it needs to be planned, scoped and documented, not just installed because you felt like doing something in your last week. I've been getting so many tickets from contractors complaining about suddenly losing access etc.

# ? May 6, 2014 03:42

Cavepimp: Nov 10, 2006

That's just a lovely/lazy Shoretel vendor. I managed to find some guys who ended up being pretty good, despite some of our weird requirements and requests. Definitely interviewed at least 5 before we found someone that knew their poo poo though, and I'm glad I did.

# ? May 6, 2014 04:08

mewse: May 2, 2006

Where I'm at in Canada we have literally 1 vendor for shoretel stuff

# ? May 6, 2014 04:13

UFOTacoMan: Sep 22, 2005; Thanks easter bunny!
bok bok!

We have Shoretel where I work now. I haven't had to interact with the vendor too much and it was setup before my time. I had used a couple Mitel systems in a previous job but I love the Shoretel for how simple it is to setup an extension/mailbox.

Volmarias posted:

Better emails with no subject and a body, or emails with the body in the subject?

I'll take the emails with the body in the subject...if you can read most of the sentence.

# ? May 6, 2014 04:43

Dr. Arbitrary: Mar 15, 2006; Bleak Gremlin

Man, today must be Shoretel day, I've been dicking around with Bridged Call Appearances for one phone for about 4 hours now.

# ? May 6, 2014 04:49

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

Dr. Arbitrary posted:

Man, today must be Shoretel day, I've been dicking around with Bridged Call Appearances for one phone for about 4 hours now.

I finally figured that out when we had a new VP and new Exec Assistant start at the same time. PM me if you have not gotten it yet, I'll try to help?

# ? May 6, 2014 04:52

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

I loved working with Shoretel. Here's how to make them love you back, anytime you call support (which you have to do far too often because they broke the portal), say "Hi this is $NAME with $EMPLOYER calling from $AUTHORIZED_PHONE_NUMBER). The techs are empowered enough to go the extra mile to resolve tickets and make you happy, there aren't a lot of them and by making the preceding text part of your "call Shoretel" script, you save them steps on their script and let them relate to you as a human being that they have a chance to make happy. There aren't that many on-call techs, they'll start recognizing you and that goes a long way to getting extra support from a critical vendor.

# ? May 6, 2014 08:05

dogstile: May 1, 2012; fucking clocks
how do they work?

On that note, I walked in today to a customer who had realized something was wrong with his PC, ran diagnostics, gave me the error code and the service tag for the machine and told me that he would like it done in hours rather than out of hours as it isn't an emergency.

Needless to say I did his ticket first. What a nice chap.

# ? May 6, 2014 09:46

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

Cenodoxus posted:

code:

SKU      | DESCRIPTION                            | QTY | PRICE
D-001328 | 3' CAT6 PATCH CABLE - RED              |   1 |  1.14
I-017551 | HASSLE-FREE 30 DAY RETURNS             |   1 |  0.00
C-000231 | 14 DAY PRICE MATCH                     |   1 |  0.00
K-311452 | WORLD-CLASS CUSTOMER SERVICE GUARANTEE |   1 |  0.00
B-007128 | DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT SOME TIME      |   1 |  0.00
U-007128 | PLEASE WE GET REALLY LONELY            |   1 |  0.00
T-092113 | THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS            |   1 |  0.00
T-092113 | THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS            |   1 |  0.00

Subtle.

Volmarias posted:

Better emails with no subject and a body, or emails with the body in the subject?

I don't mind it when people send emails with the entire message in the subject, as long as it's a short and consise message. Like the receptionist lady sending me an email that just says "You have a delivery, 2 large boxes" in the subject. It's all I need to know, and writing anything else in the body would just be a waste of time for both of us.

# ? May 6, 2014 12:10

bitterandtwisted: Sep 4, 2006

Another bank holiday weekend, another million forgotten passwords to reset.

# ? May 6, 2014 12:16

Crowley: Mar 13, 2003

Not pissing me off.

While negotiating my YotJ with my current(old) employer we agreed that they'd let me terminate my contract early (1 month instead of the usual 3 months) and they're goin to pay out my remaining days PTO in one lump sum.

48 days PTO is being added to my next paycheck. :dance:

# ? May 6, 2014 12:23

dogstile: May 1, 2012; fucking clocks
how do they work?

You lucky poo poo, well done :toot:

poo poo that is pissing me off? Got a particularly hard call placed into my name, a lab machine that's on the fritz and they're usually a pain to sort out. When I got told the ticket was being put into my name my colleague used the phrase "It's a hard problem so I instantly thought of you".

poo poo, that's not good.

# ? May 6, 2014 13:13

Lord Dudeguy: Sep 17, 2006; [Insert good English here]

Sounder posted:

Yep.

Sonus does this, too.

Even better, they sell Lync Survivable Branch Appliances (which, by nature, require DNS and DHCP to run on them) and require that we don't run DHCP or DNS on them.

I want to call Microsoft and ask them if they know Sonus' install engineers are up to this poo poo, but :effort:

# ? May 6, 2014 13:38

Lareous: Feb 19, 2008

We have an industry specific browser based program that just poo poo the bed.

Come to find out after I called their support line that "Oh it doesn't work in Java 7 yet roll back to Java 6".

It...was working fine in Java 7 until the most recent update. So I'm just supposed to waltz around with a gaping security risk until it's patched I guess.

EDIT: Oh and of COURSE it only works in IE.

# ? May 6, 2014 13:43

bitterandtwisted: Sep 4, 2006

Lareous posted:

EDIT: Oh and of COURSE it only works in IE.

None of ours work in anything other than IE8.

# ? May 6, 2014 14:01

Lareous: Feb 19, 2008

bitterandtwisted posted:

None of ours work in anything other than IE8.

My favorite is our RFID door lock system; it's last update was in 2006 and runs a 16 bit program. It barely even runs in XP and all the literature recommends Windows 98.

# ? May 6, 2014 14:12

Ynglaur: Oct 9, 2013; The Malta Conference, anyone?

Lareous posted:

We have an industry specific browser based program that just poo poo the bed.

Come to find out after I called their support line that "Oh it doesn't work in Java 7 yet roll back to Java 6".

It...was working fine in Java 7 until the most recent update. So I'm just supposed to waltz around with a gaping security risk until it's patched I guess.

EDIT: Oh and of COURSE it only works in IE.

Just wait until you have another business critical application that requires a different version of Java and a different version of IE.

# ? May 6, 2014 14:22

spog: Aug 7, 2004; It's your own bloody fault.

The first time you run our 'Forgot my Password', it requires you to enter your password to continue. :downsbravo:

# ? May 6, 2014 14:45

Lum: Aug 13, 2003

Lareous posted:

It...was working fine in Java 7 until the most recent update. So I'm just supposed to waltz around with a gaping security risk until it's patched I guess.

EDIT: Oh and of COURSE it only works in IE.

Once again, this is a job for a terminal server with IE restricted to only the lovely webapp, and a published app that is basically IE in kiosk mode.

I predict a lot of Server 2003 R2 boxes will stick around after 2015 because of this one.

# ? May 6, 2014 16:44

anthonypants: May 6, 2007; by Nyc_Tattoo; Dinosaur Gum

Lareous posted:

We have an industry specific browser based program that just poo poo the bed.

Come to find out after I called their support line that "Oh it doesn't work in Java 7 yet roll back to Java 6".

It...was working fine in Java 7 until the most recent update. So I'm just supposed to waltz around with a gaping security risk until it's patched I guess.

EDIT: Oh and of COURSE it only works in IE.

Have you added the domain to Java's security exclusion list?

# ? May 6, 2014 17:00

Sickening: Jul 16, 2007; Black summer was the best summer.

My boss the "IT Director" decided he was going to help me rack the new VNX san storage today. Its a two person job, so I don't mind at first but he proceeds then to try to lead this endeavor. His first attempt at commanding the show is him trying to use the wrong rails. I let him know that these are the wrong rails and he politely tells me that he believes they are correct and we will do it his way. After putting on the wrong rails we then proceed to try to jam the unit onto rails that don't fit. The unit doesn't fit and then he attempts to try to bend the rails to make it fit.

I finally say enough is enough and refuse to do anymore. I let him know that its not a big deal to change the rails and using the wrong rails is just wrong. I try to further explain that its an honest mistake because they aren't labeled but refusing to correct the mistake just doesn't make sense.

He plays around for a while doing god knows what and finally comes and get to me change the rails to the correct ones.

# ? May 6, 2014 17:19

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# ? May 11, 2024 12:07

Lareous: Feb 19, 2008

anthonypants posted:

Have you added the domain to Java's security exclusion list?

Yep. Didn't work. Popped up 15 messages about THIS APP IS NOT SAFE and then just hung on every machine I tried it on.

# ? May 6, 2014 17:27

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > More shit that pisses you off: What does that say about the quality of your emails?

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