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  • Locked thread
Decius
Oct 14, 2005

Ramrod XTreme

Paragon8 posted:



The message from that seems to be leave poo poo alone and it's silly to try and agitate for change. That seems awful in a series that does attempt to handle racism in the terms of wizard blood purity. Yet as soon as we're not talking about humans Rowling doesn't care.


No, as someone explained very well a few pages ago (and much better than I'm doing now), Rowling only shows the way Hermione goes around to try to change things is bad - meaning the usual "college student from privilege discovering injustice and thinking to fix it with some flashy actions like sit-ins, protests, banners" instead of really going to the bottom of things and trying to make real change - the thing Hermione does later on from inside the Ministry, with the Elves and other creatures instead of basically enacting her version of "White Man's Burden" and trying to set them free without a plan and even against their will.

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Paragon8
Feb 19, 2007

bobkatt013 posted:

I thought the were planning on giving the sword to Griphook once they finished their quest. They were not planning on keeping it, they just did not tell them the specific time that they would give him the sword.

It was some semantic thing where it's like "oh this is totally okay because we didn't tell him *when* we would give the sword back"

Really they should have levelled with griphook and be like "we need this to defeat voldemort, you'll get it back afterwards. Is that okay?"

Olanphonia
Jul 27, 2006

I'm open to suggestions~

Decius posted:

No, as someone explained very well a few pages ago (and much better than I'm doing now), Rowling only shows the way Hermione goes around to try to change things is bad - meaning the usual "college student from privilege discovering injustice and thinking to fix it with some flashy actions like sit-ins, protests, banners" instead of really going to the bottom of things and trying to make real change - the thing Hermione does later on from inside the Ministry, with the Elves and other creatures instead of basically enacting her version of "White Man's Burden" and trying to set them free without a plan and even against their will.

Yeah, this is basically what it seems like some of you are missing. Hermione just up and decides that the house elves need to be free without consulting with literally any of them. I mean, yeah, her heart is in the right place but she's basically discounts any of the elves saying that they are pretty good with what they're doing as them being "confused". She basically goes for the big "Free 'Em Now" statement without really thinking through how that would work for the elves or asking the elves what they wanted.

Paragon8
Feb 19, 2007

Olanphonia posted:

Yeah, this is basically what it seems like some of you are missing. Hermione just up and decides that the house elves need to be free without consulting with literally any of them. I mean, yeah, her heart is in the right place but she's basically discounts any of the elves saying that they are pretty good with what they're doing as them being "confused". She basically goes for the big "Free 'Em Now" statement without really thinking through how that would work for the elves or asking the elves what they wanted.

It's not quite like that though. Hermione's first experience with a house elf is through Dobby who is mistreated and abused by some awful people. Then she's told that House Elves are a pretty common institution and even her school uses them. Can you blame her for having such a strong reaction? Up until that point that's basically the reader's reaction.

I can certainly see the potential for a storyline of Hermione finding an element of a culture alien to her ideals but accepted within that culture and having her naiveté lifted over the course of the subplot. However I'm uncomfortable with that cultural element being submissive slavery. It feels very uncomfortable to read a class with a position of power talking about an underclass with words like their happy with hard work and that's what they prefer etc. - unfortunately Rowling does legitimise this with House Elves actually being totally cool with being slaves.

Rowling aside from Dobby and Winky doesn't write house elves with much depth at all. They're treated more like fairly intelligent dogs than sentient equals.

BTW. I'm having tremendous amounts of fun discussing stuff like this with you guys. It's so rare to find a place to do this that isn't blindly supportive of whatever Rowling does.

Olanphonia
Jul 27, 2006

I'm open to suggestions~

Paragon8 posted:

It's not quite like that though. Hermione's first experience with a house elf is through Dobby who is mistreated and abused by some awful people. Then she's told that House Elves are a pretty common institution and even her school uses them. Can you blame her for having such a strong reaction? Up until that point that's basically the reader's reaction.

I can certainly see the potential for a storyline of Hermione finding an element of a culture alien to her ideals but accepted within that culture and having her naiveté lifted over the course of the subplot. However I'm uncomfortable with that cultural element being submissive slavery. It feels very uncomfortable to read a class with a position of power talking about an underclass with words like their happy with hard work and that's what they prefer etc. - unfortunately Rowling does legitimise this with House Elves actually being totally cool with being slaves.

Rowling aside from Dobby and Winky doesn't write house elves with much depth at all. They're treated more like fairly intelligent dogs than sentient equals.

BTW. I'm having tremendous amounts of fun discussing stuff like this with you guys. It's so rare to find a place to do this that isn't blindly supportive of whatever Rowling does.

Oh, it would have certainly been nice to have a long plot based on Hermione's attempt to promote the rights of elves. Unfortunately I don't know that it would have been a good idea to include it in with the already massive books that Rowling was already writing just based on Harry's struggle with Voldemort. Ultimately her biggest issue is that she based her campaign on the experiences and knowledge she had gained from one elf rather than speaking to a larger group and then basing a plan of action in conjunction with them. That is, of course, a crazy amount to ask of a teenager so don't think I'm criticizing her as the white devil or whatever.

Honestly I don't think it would be fair to criticize her for not focusing on the house elves because when it comes down to it the story was about Harry and his struggle and it just didn't have the length or whatever to focus on peripheral, world building things.

Death Bot
Mar 4, 2007

Binary killing machines, turning 1 into 0 since 0011000100111001 0011011100110110
The whole plot would probably be fine if there was a "meet in the middle" kind of resolution. Hermione could find out that most of the House Elves are mostly fine with their situation and would just like a little recognition and respect. It would actually lead to an interesting plot where the lesson isn't "no no no, the working class actually DOES like working!"

Saith
Oct 10, 2010

Asahina...
Regular Penguins look just the same!
Speaking as someone who is very working class (I'm not comparing it to slavery though, don't worry), I've gotta say I kinda agree with what people are saying about Hermione going about it the wrong way. Re-reading the books, it reminds me of the students spending their summer breaks marching and protesting the 1%, forgetting they're in the 20%* themselves, not really understanding the concept of having to work lovely, minimum wage, menial jobs for a living and, at the end of the day, not doing anything that would actually make a difference.

I mean, Hermione is pretty much perfect so there's no doubt that her heart is in the right place. She's not 'just doing it for attention' or anything, and she does genuinely care, but it comes off as incredibly condescending towards the House Elves and is pretty much a joke among the magical community which, I think, is pretty true to real life.

I wonder if in a hundred years, kids'll be writing essays on the themes of Harry loving Potter.

*Made up number, but I hope you get my point.

e: I'm not sure if I'm making this up, because I haven't finished my re-read yet, but I vaguely remember Hermione using her influence at the ministry to basically give the House Elves rights and poo poo. A workers union sort of thing, which is honestly pretty cool.

e2: It would have been amazing if she orchestrated some sort of House Elf Revolution, which ended up having them take over all the bureaucratic functions in the ministry or something, but I'm thinking too hard about a book for kiddies.

Saith fucked around with this message at 17:18 on Feb 5, 2014

Paragon8
Feb 19, 2007

A meet in the middle thing would be good, or like a deeper reason why house elves serve. Like give Hermione an opportunity to learn what that is and understand her mistakes.

Just because it was a societal norm doesn't mean it's right. Maybe the house elves did need help to spearhead emancipation.

Hermione's naive activism basically overshadows that house elves have a pretty lovely deal. Especially outside of Hogwarts which seems pretty clearly a unique employer. Remember how awful the Malfoys are to Dobby, I bet as much as Kreacher was fanatical to the House of Black they didn't treat him the best either, and the wizarding community readily accepted the house elf as a scapegoat for Voldemort's murder when he stole the Hufflepuff cup.

For the most part house elves are treated as non-human 2nd class citizens enslaved by powerful ownership magic that supersedes their free will and are frequently physically punished. For all we know perhaps part of the magic that enslaves them predisposes them to speak positively about their role as servants.

Hermione's initial attempts were misguided and awkward but there was ample opportunity to turn that into a real attempt to improve house elf welfare.

Saith posted:

e2: It would have been amazing if she orchestrated some sort of House Elf Revolution, which ended up having them take over all the bureaucratic functions in the ministry or something, but I'm thinking too hard about a book for kiddies.


I'd have liked to see maybe a deeper explanation like house elves are fae tied to the hearth/threshold of certain dwellings and their power comes from those locations being orderly and such which translates to them functioning as servants. Yet some families forget that it's a symbiotic relationship and abuse the elves linked to their hearths.

Or maybe Salazar Slytherin was jealous of the elves magical powers and did some kind of horrible spell to enslave them to humans but everyone forgot about it and Hermione reverses it and most of the elves in good situations are fine because they're OCD or something but it gives an opportunity for elves to escape a bad situation.

oh god I'm writing house elf fan fiction - quick who do they have sex with? Goblins? Merfolk? Snape?

Paragon8 fucked around with this message at 18:44 on Feb 5, 2014

Olanphonia
Jul 27, 2006

I'm open to suggestions~
I definitely agree with a "meet-in-the-middle" kind of solution being probably the best one and a lesson that might even have been helpful to people reading it.

Paragon8 posted:

oh god I'm writing house elf fan fiction - quick who do they have sex with? Goblins? Merfolk? Snape?

Why not all of them?

Guy A. Person
May 23, 2003

I think what people might be missing is that the whole "they're fine with their situation! It's all they really know anyway!" was an argument for actual, real world slavery.

The point of the storyline isn't that Hermione should have talked to the elves to find out their perspective, it's that freeing them would have been pointless because they have no place in Wizard society outside of their servitude. Hermione was eerily like actual people whose attitude was (and in some cases still is) "whelp, you're free now, time to bootstrap yourselves." You need to overhaul the entire system in order to really help them; in the end Dumbledor was basically still a slave owner even though he was a "kind" one.

jivjov
Sep 13, 2007

But how does it taste? Yummy!
Dinosaur Gum

Guy A. Person posted:

I think what people might be missing is that the whole "they're fine with their situation! It's all they really know anyway!" was an argument for actual, real world slavery.

The point of the storyline isn't that Hermione should have talked to the elves to find out their perspective, it's that freeing them would have been pointless because they have no place in Wizard society outside of their servitude. Hermione was eerily like actual people whose attitude was (and in some cases still is) "whelp, you're free now, time to bootstrap yourselves." You need to overhaul the entire system in order to really help them; in the end Dumbledor was basically still a slave owner even though he was a "kind" one.

Didn't Dumbledore provide salaries and vacation days and the like to the house elves at Hogwarts? That makes him much more of an employer than a slave owner to me.

Guy A. Person
May 23, 2003

jivjov posted:

Didn't Dumbledore provide salaries and vacation days and the like to the house elves at Hogwarts? That makes him much more of an employer than a slave owner to me.

I'm probably misremembering parts of it but my takeaway - particularly from Hermione's reaction to the situation - was that Dumbledore did more for them in general but they were still low class servants at the end of the day, and that their situation was far from desirable.

I dunno, I'm definitely due for another read through; I just find it interesting how all of these conversations seem to tie together to form a overarching theme of the wizard world and even Hogwarts being kind of broken places. Hogwarts is certainly better on average but ultimately is still a product of the system at large. Dumbledore is flawed because he is still working within that broken system, Harry ultimately has to surpass him by changing the system (which unfortunately we don't see; but presumably he did as an adult at the Ministry).

jivjov
Sep 13, 2007

But how does it taste? Yummy!
Dinosaur Gum
I dunno, offering comfortable living quarters, and at least the offer of a generous salary and weekends off seems like they're just hired help, not low-class servants. Dumbledore treats the Hogwarts house elves like an employer should treat its regular employees. Sure they're working as cooks and other kitchen staff, but that's a viable job even in the Muggle real world.

Third
Sep 9, 2004
The most noble title any child can have.
Wasn't Dobby the only one to get those benefits? I'm pretty sure I remember the other House Elves being disgusted at the thought of getting paid or having holidays.

jivjov
Sep 13, 2007

But how does it taste? Yummy!
Dinosaur Gum

returnh posted:

Wasn't Dobby the only one to get those benefits? I'm pretty sure I remember the other House Elves being disgusted at the thought of getting paid or having holidays.

While this does speak to the general awful-ness of the house elf lifestyle, I'm pretty sure the implication was that Dumbledore made the same type of offer to all of the elves in his employ. Forcing them to accept wages and holidays they don't want seems just as much of an imposition on them as forcing them to do anything else, really. Even if its for their own good.

Paragon8
Feb 19, 2007

Dumbledore offered Dobby a wage and Dobby negotiated it further down to a token amount, because even to Dobby a real wage was crazy. He just wanted the acknowledgement of freedom rather than the money.

Guy A. Person posted:

I think what people might be missing is that the whole "they're fine with their situation! It's all they really know anyway!" was an argument for actual, real world slavery.

This is definitely the most chilling thing about Rowling's depiction of house elves is.


Guy A. Person posted:

I dunno, I'm definitely due for another read through; I just find it interesting how all of these conversations seem to tie together to form a overarching theme of the wizard world and even Hogwarts being kind of broken places. Hogwarts is certainly better on average but ultimately is still a product of the system at large. Dumbledore is flawed because he is still working within that broken system, Harry ultimately has to surpass him by changing the system (which unfortunately we don't see; but presumably he did as an adult at the Ministry).

I think this is some of the most fascinating aspects when Rowling handles it competently. I found the massive bloated ministry focused more on maintaing status quo than taking action to be really relevant and a great allegory for today's governments. The Daily Prophet is a great takedown of modern media culture. That's why it frustrates me so much when she whiffs on a bad slavery metaphor.

Everything is deeply flawed when you poke deeper into the world.

Jazerus
May 24, 2011


I would have been a lot happier if Rowling had portrayed the house elves as wanting a bit of respect but that Dobby was still an oddball for wanting wages - house elves are based on brownies, who, in traditional English folklore, helped around the house. However, brownies were capable of leaving a home if mistreated, or if offered payment. House elves are clearly enslaved brownies and should really have been more interested in agitating for respect than Rowling portrayed. On the other hand, this makes Hermione's failure quite clearly one of misunderstanding the beings she was advocating for - wages were entirely the wrong thing to focus on.

Paragon8
Feb 19, 2007

Jazerus posted:

I would have been a lot happier if Rowling had portrayed the house elves as wanting a bit of respect but that Dobby was still an oddball for wanting wages - house elves are based on brownies, who, in traditional English folklore, helped around the house. However, brownies were capable of leaving a home if mistreated, or if offered payment. House elves are clearly enslaved brownies and should really have been more interested in agitating for respect than Rowling portrayed. On the other hand, this makes Hermione's failure quite clearly one of misunderstanding the beings she was advocating for - wages were entirely the wrong thing to focus on.

Yes, that would have been much more in line of where Rowling was going with Dobby/Kreacher/Winky.

ashez2ashes
Aug 15, 2012

Well we're getting a Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, will be someday get a Quidditch Through the Ages book? I'm not really sure how that would be done, unless it's just made into a magical sports movie following a ragtag group of underdog misfits.

To be honest, a movie about the Chudley Cannons managing to overcome a centuries old Quidditch curse (I think Rowling insinuated once it was a literal curse) and win the Quidditch World cup could be pretty fun. Rupert Grint could cameo as some rabid fan whose painted himself orange and is crying manly sports tears as his favorite team wins the finals.

ashez2ashes fucked around with this message at 18:12 on Mar 17, 2014

geeves
Sep 16, 2004

ashez2ashes posted:

To be honest, a movie about the Chudley Cannons managing to overcome a centuries old Quidditch curse (I think Rowling insinuated once it was a literal curse) and win the Quidditch World cup could be pretty fun. Rupert Grint could guest star as some rabid fan whose painted himself orange and is crying manly sports tears as his favorite team wins the finals.

With Kingsley as a supportive Minister for Magic it would basically be the plot to Invictus. Oliver Wood could be Matt Damon's character.

Hedrigall
Mar 27, 2008

by vyelkin
(It's been almost 7 years since the end of Harry Potter, can we get a title change?)

Bloomsbury, the UK publishers of the books, are doing two sets of new editions this and next year.

First there's the new editions with cover art by Jonny Duddle (check out his art style here), which will also include bonus material from Pottermore! All 7 are being released in September.

Then there's the deluxe illustrated editions, with interior watercolor artwork (although no idea if this is for every chapter or what). These are coming out once a year starting next year.

I kinda wish they'd combine the Pottermore stuff and the illustrations in the same editions, but oh well. I hope the illustrated ones will be nice hardcovers!

Corb3t
Jun 7, 2003

Hedrigall posted:

(It's been almost 7 years since the end of Harry Potter, can we get a title change?)

Bloomsbury, the UK publishers of the books, are doing two sets of new editions this and next year.

First there's the new editions with cover art by Jonny Duddle (check out his art style here), which will also include bonus material from Pottermore! All 7 are being released in September.

Then there's the deluxe illustrated editions, with interior watercolor artwork (although no idea if this is for every chapter or what). These are coming out once a year starting next year.

I kinda wish they'd combine the Pottermore stuff and the illustrations in the same editions, but oh well. I hope the illustrated ones will be nice hardcovers!

Gotta love cash grabs. Depending on just how many pages are illustrated, maybe I'll pick those up as they're released. I've always wanted a set of UK editions and this is the perfect excuse to re-read the series.

Did anybody else see the trailers for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter expansion?

http://thedisneyblog.com/2013/12/27/wizarding-world-of-harry-potter-diagon-alley-trailer-and-teaser-poster/

Joramun
Dec 1, 2011

No man has need of candles when the Sun awaits him.

ashez2ashes posted:

I'm not really sure how that would be done, unless it's just made into a magical sports movie following a ragtag group of underdog misfits.

Moneyball... on Brooms.

ashez2ashes
Aug 15, 2012

I stand corrected. If anyone has just read JK Rowling's new lengthy write up about the history of the Quidditch World Cup on Pottermore and she's pretty much written plot synapsis to several intriguing Quidditch movies.

Ein cooler Typ
Nov 26, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
I wish they would just rename it Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone for future US releases

Bad Wolf
Apr 7, 2007
Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometime !
So this was pretty sweet.



Also, I'm going through the books again, just started at the very beginning. In the Leaky Cauldron in book one, Quirrel shakes hands with Harry. Was that an error, since it hurts him like hell at the end of the book. In the movie, they just had him shrink away when Harry offers his hand as part of him being quirky.

cptn_dr
Sep 7, 2011

Seven for beauty that blossoms and dies


At that point, he hadn't been actually possessed by Voldemort, so he was able to touch Harry without pain.

I think.

ufarn
May 30, 2009

Bad Wolf posted:

So this was pretty sweet.



Also, I'm going through the books again, just started at the very beginning. In the Leaky Cauldron in book one, Quirrel shakes hands with Harry. Was that an error, since it hurts him like hell at the end of the book. In the movie, they just had him shrink away when Harry offers his hand as part of him being quirky.
Wasn't the actual GRRM, though.

Lord Hydronium
Sep 25, 2007

Non, je ne regrette rien


cptn_dr posted:

At that point, he hadn't been actually possessed by Voldemort, so he was able to touch Harry without pain.

I think.
Yeah, Voldemort only physically joined his head after his failure to break into Gringotts.

Bad Wolf
Apr 7, 2007
Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometime !

Lord Hydronium posted:

Yeah, Voldemort only physically joined his head after his failure to break into Gringotts.

Ah, gotcha. It's amazing how much you can forget between reading stints. Oh, but he didn't fail to break into Gringotts, he was just too late. That's pretty impressive for a non-possesed Quirrel to pull that off. It's never explained, but I assume the Imperious curse was involved.

Also, that fake GRRM account is pretty entertaining, but I should have spotted that.

Bad Wolf fucked around with this message at 14:16 on May 6, 2014

Coffee And Pie
Nov 4, 2010

"Blah-sum"?
More like "Blawesome"

ufarn posted:

Wasn't the actual GRRM, though.

Yeah, he didn't mention rape once.

geeves
Sep 16, 2004

http://www.today.com/books/read-j-k-rowlings-new-post-latest-harry-potter-gossip-1D79887288

Because pottermore sucks.

quote:

Dumbledore’s Army Reunites at Quidditch World Cup Final

By the Daily Prophet’s Gossip Correspondent, Rita Skeeter

There are celebrities – and then there are celebrities. We’ve seen many a famous face from the wizarding world grace the stands here in the Patagonian Desert – Ministers and Presidents, Celestina Warbeck, controversial American wizarding band The Bent-Winged Snitches – all have caused flurries of excitement, with crowd members scrambling for autographs and even casting Bridging Charms to reach the VIP boxes over the heads of the crowd.

But when word swept the campsite and stadium that a certain gang of infamous wizards (no longer the fresh-faced teenagers they were in their heyday, but nevertheless recognisable) had arrived for the final, excitement was beyond anything yet seen. As the crowd stampeded, tents were flattened and small children mown down. Fans from all corners of the globe stormed towards the area where members of Dumbledore’s Army were rumoured to have been sighted, desperate above all else for a glimpse of the man they still call the Chosen One.

The Potter family and the rest of Dumbledore’s Army have been given accommodation in the VIP section of the campsite, which is protected by heavy charms and patrolled by Security Warlocks. Their presence has ensured large crowds along the cordoned area, all hoping for a glimpse of their heroes. At 3pm today they got their wish when, to the accompaniment of loud screams, Potter took his young sons James and Albus to visit the players’ compound, where he introduced them to Bulgarian Seeker Viktor Krum.

About to turn 34, there are a couple of threads of silver in the famous Auror’s black hair, but he continues to wear the distinctive round glasses that some might say are better suited to a style-deficient twelve-year-old. The famous lightning scar has company: Potter is sporting a nasty cut over his right cheekbone. Requests for information as to its provenance merely produced the usual response from the Ministry of Magic: ‘We do not comment on the top secret work of the Auror department, as we have told you no less than 514 times, Ms. Skeeter.’ So what are they hiding? Is the Chosen One embroiled in fresh mysteries that will one day explode upon us all, plunging us into a new age of terror and mayhem?

Or does his injury have a more humble origin, one that Potter is desperate to hide? Has his wife perhaps cursed him? Are cracks beginning to show in a union that the Potters are determined to promote as happy? Should we read anything into the fact that his wife Ginevra has been perfectly happy to leave her husband and children behind in London whilst reporting on this tournament? The jury is out on whether she really had the talent or experience to be sent to the Quidditch World Cup (jury’s back in – no!!!) but let’s face it, when your last name is Potter, doors open, international sporting bodies bow and scrape, and Daily Prophet editors hand you plum assignments.

As their devoted fans and followers will remember, Potter and Krum competed against each other in the controversial Triwizard Tournament, but apparently there are no hard feelings, as they embraced upon meeting (what really happened in that maze? Speculation is unlikely to be quelled by the warmth of their greeting). After half an hour’s chat, Potter and his sons returned to the campsite where they socialised with the rest of Dumbledore’s Army until the small hours.

In the next tent are Potter’s two closest associates, the ones who know everything about him and yet have always refused to talk to the press. Are they afraid of him, or is it their own secrets they are afraid will leak out, tarnishing the myth of He Who Could Not Be Named’s defeat? Now married, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger were with Potter almost every step of the way. Like the rest of Dumbledore’s Army, they fought in the Battle of Hogwarts and no doubt deserve the plaudits and awards for bravery heaped upon them by a grateful wizarding world.

In the immediate aftermath of the battle Weasley, whose famous ginger hair appears to be thinning slightly, entered into employment with the Ministry of Magic alongside Potter, but left only two years later to co-manage the highly successful wizarding joke emporium Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. Was he, as he stated at the time, ‘delighted to assist my brother George with a business I’ve always loved’? Or had he had his fill of standing in Potter’s shadow? Was the work of the Auror Department too much for a man who has admitted that the destruction of He Who Could Not Be Named’s Horcruxes ‘took its toll’ on him? He shows no obvious signs of mental illness from a distance, but the public is not allowed close enough to make a proper assessment. Is this suspicious?

Hermione Granger, of course, was always the femme fatale of the group. Press reports of the time revealed that as a teenager she toyed with the young Potter’s affections before being seduced away by the muscular Viktor Krum, finally settling for Potter’s faithful sidekick. After a meteoric rise to Deputy Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, she is now tipped to go even higher within the Ministry, and is also mother to son, Hugo, and daughter, Rose. Does Hermione Granger prove that a witch really can have it all? (No – look at her hair.)

Then there are those members of Dumbledore’s Army who receive slightly less publicity than Potter, Weasley and Granger (are they resentful? Almost certainly). Neville Longbottom, now a popular Herbology teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is here in Patagonia with his wife Hannah. Until recently the pair lived above the Leaky Cauldron in London, but rumour has it that Hannah has not only retrained as a Healer, but is applying for the job of Matron at Hogwarts. Idle gossip suggests that she and her husband both enjoy a little more Ogden’s Old Firewhisky than most of us would expect from custodians of our children, but no doubt we all wish her the best of luck with her application.

Last of the ringleaders of Dumbledore’s Army is, of course, Luna Lovegood (now married to Rolf Scamander, swarthy grandson of celebrated Magizoologist Newt). Still delightfully eccentric, Luna has been sweeping around the VIP section in robes composed of the flags of all sixteen qualifying countries. Her twin sons are ‘at home with grandpa’. Is this a euphemism for ‘too disturbed to be seen in public’? Surely only the unkindest would suggest so.

Sundry other members of the Army are here, but it is on these six that most interest is focused. Wherever there is a red head one may make an educated guess that it belongs to a Weasley, but it is difficult to tell whether it is George (wealthy co-manager of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes), Charlie (dragon wrangler, still unmarried – why?) or Percy (Head of the Department of Magical Transportation – it’s his fault if the Floo Network’s too busy!). The only one who is easy to recognise is Bill who, poor man, is grievously scarred from an encounter with a werewolf and yet somehow (enchantment? Love potion? Blackmail? Kidnap?) married the undeniably beautiful (though doubtless empty-headed) Fleur Delacour.

Word is that we shall see these and other members of Dumbledore’s Army in the VIP boxes at the final, adding to the glitz and razzmatazz of a gala occasion. Let us hope that the behaviour of two of their younger hangers-on does not embarrass them, heaping shame on those who have previously brought honour to the name of wizard.

One always hesitates to invade the privacy of young people, but the fact is that anyone closely connected with Harry Potter reaps the benefits and must pay the penalty of public interest. No doubt Potter will be distressed to know that his sixteen-year-old godson Teddy Lupin – a lanky half-werewolf with bright blue hair – has been behaving in a way unbefitting of wizarding royalty since arriving on the VIP campsite. It might be asking too much that the always-busy Potter keep a tighter rein on this wild boy, who was entrusted to his care by his dying parents, but one shudders to think what will become of Master Lupin without urgent intervention. Meanwhile, Mr and Mrs Bill Weasley might like to know that their beautiful, blonde daughter Victoire seems to be attracted to any dark corner where Master Lupin happens to be lurking. The good news is both of them seem to have invented a method of breathing through their ears. I can think of no other reason how they have survived such prolonged periods of what, in my young day, was called ‘snogging.’

But let us not be severe. Harry Potter and his cohorts never claimed to be perfect! And for those who want to know exactly how imperfect they are, my new biography: Dumbledore’s Army: The Dark Side of the Demob will be available from Flourish and Blotts on July 31st.

PriorMarcus
Oct 17, 2008

ASK ME ABOUT BEING ALLERGIC TO POSITIVITY

That's a better epilogue than the one we got I guess.

ufarn
May 30, 2009
So JK is back to trolling shippers?

I guess I approve.

howe_sam
Mar 7, 2013

Creepy little garbage eaters

I think it's more Rita Skeever continues to be a horrible human being who lies about any and everything to enhance the salaciousness of her writing.

bobkatt013
Oct 8, 2006

You’re telling me Peter Parker is ...... Spider-man!?

howe_sam posted:

I think it's more Rita Skeever continues to be a horrible human being who lies about any and everything to enhance the salaciousness of her writing.

Also gently caress over people who are trying to get a job by claiming they are drunks.

Democratic Pirate
Feb 17, 2010

That article is cool with me. I just went to the WB studio where HP was filmed and it rekindled a need to reread the series. I'm also pretty annoyed that I missed the opening of Diagon Alley at Universal by a few weeks. I have high hopes for the Fantastic Beasts series though.

Jazerus
May 24, 2011


howe_sam posted:

I think it's more Rita Skeever continues to be a horrible human being who lies about any and everything to enhance the salaciousness of her writing.

I could read an entire book of Rita-style writing.

Maybe The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore would be a good charity book, like Fantastic Beasts was.

Pidmon
Mar 18, 2009

NO ONE risks painful injury on your GREEN SLIME GHOST POGO RIDE.

No one but YOU.
That's a hell of a lot of heteroness right there. Are we gonna get another word of god three months from now saying "Oh, Rita didn't want to mudsling about anybody's sexuality"?

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howe_sam
Mar 7, 2013

Creepy little garbage eaters

Pidmon posted:

That's a hell of a lot of heteroness right there. Are we gonna get another word of god three months from now saying "Oh, Rita didn't want to mudsling about anybody's sexuality"?

You mean other than Charlie?

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