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Even though she had no idea what her boyfriend was doing spending all of this money (I also wonder how they split their going out expenses), having this much of a grasp on anything financial is a huge indication that her mother also did a pretty good job preparing her for the future. 
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May 9, 2014 16:54
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This doesn't have the wow factor of the the reddit fuckups, but my wife's friend dated this guy for a while. Super nice guy, but just stuck in the rut of making "poor people" decisions and never doing anything to improve his situation. His main problem is he needs to grow the gently caress up and become an adult, already. He has a bunch of student loan debt (U of Pheonix), fines from 2 DUIs long ago, etc. He has a job that pays a decent hourly wage (some sort of children's TSS/counselor type guy) but he needs to bill his hours. So he'd not bill enough, take off to go fishing or whatever, and constantly be in a rut of having no money. He also had it really easy bill wise because he was either living with his grandma rent-free, or living with his then girlfriend rent-free. He couldn't be bothered to consistently up his hours, find salary job like any other adult, or even get a part time job. I still talk to the guy, I like him, he's just dumb. I guess he owe's his ex money and he's been slowly paying her back every once in a while, but he's gone on multiple ski trips, etc and he just bought a motorcycle like last week. With what money? Good question. So he's back to living with his grandma again, rent free. It works out well for both of them since he helps her around the house, but come on man, grow up already  I think he just turned 30 and has nothing in the way of retirement savings or stable income.
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May 9, 2014 17:10
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Not a Children posted:edit: Read the second thread, half of the responses are lambasting her for going to her mom and having him kicked out. Reddit is a weird fuckin' place
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May 9, 2014 17:38
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The OP in that Reddit thread did sort of come back and say what he'd been spending it on, it just got downvoted into invisibility because people were angry about her reaction. quote:I've got all his statements and cards so I know exactly where his cash flow is currently going on. A huge chunk of it is interest from cash advances ($600 cash advance means he pays $700 back), fees from the bank for being overdrawn, useless monthly subscriptions that he doesn't think about cancelling (gym, MMOs he doesn't even play anymore, buying stuff online), and the biggest culprit... Food and alcohol. In one week, he went to 8 different places and spent between $30-70 at each place.
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May 9, 2014 18:07
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Well the interest and overdraft fees he is accumulating will help perpetuate his poorness, so take that into consideration in your mental calculus.
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May 9, 2014 18:25
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Wickerman posted:Well the interest and overdraft fees he is accumulating will help perpetuate his poorness, so take that into consideration in your mental calculus. I've worked in credit counseling, and yes, the cycle of loans to loans to loans can eat even a modest income. Add a bit of pride and machisimo and I've seen people hide issues for YEARS while paing tens of thousands in fees and interest. I consider it a good thing that he gave his finances over to her, because in almost every case, once that cycle is broken, they never go back to it.
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May 9, 2014 18:29
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What a bitch to make a play to control the guy's finances. That's classic abuser behavior. He was 100% right that per-marriage it was nobody's business but his. And instantly getting kicked out? That's straight up illegal to do to some one paying rent.
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May 9, 2014 18:43
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He wasn't paying rent.
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May 9, 2014 18:43
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Slow Motion posted:What a bitch to make a play to control the guy's finances. That's classic abuser behavior. He was 100% right that per-marriage it was nobody's business but his. And instantly getting kicked out? That's straight up illegal to do to some one paying rent. Try to keep your trolling confined to your own thread, thanks.
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May 9, 2014 18:44
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Slow Motion posted:What a bitch to make a play to control the guy's finances. That's classic abuser behavior. He was 100% right that per-marriage it was nobody's business but his. And instantly getting kicked out? That's straight up illegal to do to some one paying rent. 
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May 9, 2014 18:45
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Nail Rat posted:He wasn't paying rent. Unless he cut checks to a utility company he certainly did pay rent. When you pay a landlord and live in a space it's rent, no matter what you write in the memo field of the check. It was the abusive crazy bitch who wasn't paying rent. She probably will now that he's out and not paying for them anymore.
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May 9, 2014 18:49
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Slow Motion posted:What a bitch to make a play to control the guy's finances. That's classic abuser behavior. He was 100% right that per-marriage it was nobody's business but his. And instantly getting kicked out? That's straight up illegal to do to some one paying rent. Slow Motion posted:Unless he cut checks to a utility company he certainly did pay rent. When you pay a landlord and live in a space it's rent, no matter what you write in the memo field of the check. Now I know this account is a full-on troll. I hope that girl ovaries up and kicks that loser to the curb.
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May 9, 2014 18:49
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Slow Motion posted:Unless he cut checks to a utility company he certainly did pay rent. When you pay a landlord and live in a space it's rent, no matter what you write in the memo field of the check. r/RedPill is thataway
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May 9, 2014 18:49
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Slomo, did you ex-wife try to get you to clean up your finances before the split?
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May 9, 2014 18:53
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Nah I gave her $25,000 in cash when I left her, then paid $8,000 in her rent and signed over $15,000 in her credit card debt over to me. I wish I had given less of a gently caress and split things fairly. Married life is different.
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May 9, 2014 18:58
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Haifisch posted:It's amazing how many of them are blaming her for ruining his trust and acting immature, while letting the guy get away scott-free for lying to her & spending himself into a hole. Like, OP could have been more composed, but it's hard to blame her for getting furious when she saw exactly what her boyfriend had been doing. It's probably because most of those people can relate to his situation, not hers. edit: case in point ^ OneWhoKnows fucked around with this message at 19:03 on May 9, 2014 |
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May 9, 2014 19:01
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OneWhoKnows posted:It's probably because most of those people can relate to his situation, not hers. He's obviously a huge loser, but his actions only affect himself. Instead of breaking up with him like a grown up she decided to give him a nice solid week of screaming, judgement, and derogatory remarks. One of these people has a problem that's going to make his life hard. The other is an abusive terror. With zero sympathy for either of them I'm pretty sure one is a terrible mean person and the other is just an amicable fool.
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May 9, 2014 19:07
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Slow Motion posted:Nah I gave her $25,000 in cash when I left her, then paid $8,000 in her rent and signed over $15,000 in her credit card debt over to me. I wish I had given less of a gently caress and split things fairly. Married life is different. I don't think you're in the position to provide much money or relationship advice. You're more of a cautionary, "don't do what I do" tale. Slow Motion posted:He's obviously a huge loser, but his actions only affect himself. He repeatedly lied to her about a very important subject that directly affects their future relationship. She has every right to be very angry. Since you don't put any weight on being responsible with personal finances, I'm not surprised you are siding with the lying idiot. Nocheez fucked around with this message at 19:11 on May 9, 2014 |
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May 9, 2014 19:07
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Slow Motion posted:He's obviously a huge loser, but his actions only affect himself. How is he different from you, though?
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May 9, 2014 19:09
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Slow Motion posted:He's obviously a huge loser, but his actions only affect himself. They'd been together for 3 years which means that there's at least some sort of commitment and expectation of a future life together, so she has absolutely every right to want to know his finances and she gave him an out if he didn't want to do such a thing. Marriage isn't a sudden flip of the switch and I sure as hell would've felt lied to if I married into a bunch of unknown debt. Anyway, let's get back to more stories...
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May 9, 2014 19:12
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Slow Motion posted:He's obviously a huge loser, but his actions only affect himself. Getting angry about being directly lied to for months doesn't make one abusive. Even getting angry for a week or so. It is and was a betrayal of trust. It wasn't the spending of the money on stupid poo poo, it was the lying about the spending money on stupid poo poo. He could have very easily said that his finances were his business, and then she could have made the decision to either accept that, or break up with him. Instead he lied and said everything was fine. It was taking a choice she is entitled to out of her hands. Also, saying that his actions only affect himself is only true if they don't get married. She mentioned that he has repeatedly talked about it. If they do, his current actions would very much affect her, because a) they'll have to align their views on finances (it's like finding out if you're sexually compatible, better to do it before marriage :worms:) and b) she'll have to pay off his debt. Edit: All that being said, should she have broken up with him after finding out, rather than completely taking over his finances? Yeah, probably. Being in a years long relationship makes that decision hard though. Also, it's not like she's holding him hostage. If he's unhappy with the situation, he can leave too. If this actually is an abusive relationship, then yeah, I can see why you'd sympathize with him somewhat, because it's not as easy as just leaving, but given the limited information we have, I don't believe this is abusive. Edit 2: Moving this discussion back to SloMo's thread. VVV His situation is clearly far worse than yours, but that $800 interest figure is misleading at best, given the amount of opportunity cost you've accrued. Grumpwagon fucked around with this message at 19:30 on May 9, 2014 |
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May 9, 2014 19:15
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FrozenVent posted:How is he different from you, though? Besides low income, unstable employment, fitness, and not having a place of his own? I've paid less than $800 in interest. In my life. I'm betting he does that every two weeks. With a fraction of my debt.
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May 9, 2014 19:17
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Ahahaha holy poo poo, this thread is the best.
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May 9, 2014 19:20
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Slow Motion posted:Besides low income Slow Motion posted:unstable employment Slow Motion posted:fitness Slow Motion posted:and not having a place of his own? Slow Motion posted:I've paid less than $800 in interest. In my life. I'm betting he does that every two weeks. With a fraction of my debt. You dick.
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May 9, 2014 19:21
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e: nvm
Wickerman fucked around with this message at 19:25 on May 9, 2014 |
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May 9, 2014 19:23
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Slow Motion posted:I've paid less than $800 in interest. In my life. Slow Motion who are you trying to fool. Me? Or yourself.
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May 9, 2014 19:37
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To be fair, he's right that the dude has the right to not be forced out of his home without notice. He was a tenant and the law tends to disfavor forcing people onto the street with no time to make new arrangements. I don't think she's wrong to want him gone but that's not how tenant law works.
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May 9, 2014 19:51
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Jeffrey posted:To be fair, he's right that the dude has the right to not be forced out of his home without notice. He was a tenant and the law tends to disfavor forcing people onto the street with no time to make new arrangements. I don't think she's wrong to want him gone but that's not how tenant law works. Without a written agreement and a clear paper trail (such as cancelled checks) this guy could prove nothing and wasn't entitled to any protection in renting.
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May 9, 2014 20:08
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Apprentice Dick posted:Without a written agreement and a clear paper trail (such as cancelled checks) this guy could prove nothing and wasn't entitled to any protection in renting. It was his home, he absolutely is. A single piece of mail addressed to him there would probably suffice. Why do people still believe this? I mean, I can't claim to know the law in all 50 states, but every sane one confers protections against being forced out of your home with zero notice, independent of the existence of a written lease.
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May 9, 2014 20:10
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Jeffrey posted:It was his home, he absolutely is. A single piece of mail addressed to him there would probably suffice. Why do people still believe this? I mean, I can't claim to know the law in all 50 states, but every sane one confers protections against being forced out of your home with zero notice, independent of the existence of a written lease. That is such a jurisdiction-specific thing, I wouldn't go making sweeping statements like that. Landlord / tenant law varies so much, it's loving amazing.
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May 9, 2014 20:11
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It sounds like the mother was the one who kicked him out. The BF was dicking her over too by making no efforts to budget for the future so the couple could move out. I've lived with family before, and when I did they made it extremely clear that the point of living with them was, among other things, to build up a nest egg so that I live independently some day. I'm loving all the pissed off manchildren defending the boyfriend because they think the OP tattled.
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May 9, 2014 20:12
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Jeffrey posted:It was his home, he absolutely is. A single piece of mail addressed to him there would probably suffice. Why do people still believe this? I mean, I can't claim to know the law in all 50 states, but every sane one confers protections against being forced out of your home with zero notice, independent of the existence of a written lease. You really can't make generalizations like that. If he doesn't have a lease there's a solid chance has zero legal rights to live in that house. There are many times landlord tenant laws only apply to people with leases because it falls under contract law.
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May 9, 2014 20:15
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Veskit posted:You really can't make generalizations like that. If he doesn't have a lease there's a solid chance has zero legal rights to live in that house. There are many times landlord tenant laws only apply to people with leases because it falls under contract law. There's also the solid chance that he has every right to live there. It's all moot, because it's not our problem and he left willingly, apparently.
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May 9, 2014 20:18
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tuyop posted:For some reason I think it's internet porn. And then payday loans for living expenses. I feel kinda bad for her. She knew it was really bad and if you read between the lines she's saying "if his finances are bad we have no long-term future." When her investigation into the situation reveals her suspicions she pretty much knew the relationship was over. It's not like he was cheating on her (or maybe he was) but the inability to properly manage his finances was just as bad to her. It's interesting how BFC/personal finance stuff usually has E/N undertones.
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May 9, 2014 20:40
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I think it's less "inability to manage his finances" and more "suddenly finding out that your partner has totally different goals and values, and is A-OK with lying to you for years while making you feel lovely for asking." No kidding that's relationship problems.
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May 9, 2014 21:04
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The reason she got so mad is because he made her feel like poo poo for months because she was justifiably interested in his finances, promising that he was handling his business like an adult, all the while living with her family on the cheap, then when he does confess he doesn't come completely clean, and the situation is way worse than he first admitted. It sounds like he's living with a friend temporarily till they make up. Even if they do break up over this he has effectively moved out by his own choice, so it wouldn't be an illegal eviction.
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May 9, 2014 21:07
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Anne Whateley posted:I think it's less "inability to manage his finances" and more "suddenly finding out that your partner has totally different goals and values, and is A-OK with lying to you for years while making you feel lovely for asking." No kidding that's relationship problems. Yeah, this. Acting like an adult who owns their behavior and works together to solve problems with their partner is the clear right answer, and he chose to blatantly lie about it like a child instead.
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May 9, 2014 21:26
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Veskit posted:You really can't make generalizations like that. If he doesn't have a lease there's a solid chance has zero legal rights to live in that house. There are many times landlord tenant laws only apply to people with leases because it falls under contract law. It depends a great deal on the state. gently caress, when I lived in Maryland verbal leases were binding contracts. So, "You can crash here until you get back on your feet" confers full legal rights as a tenant.
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May 10, 2014 02:02
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Even if he did have full tenant rights, it does not matter. If he comes back it'll be because he makes up with the OP and they'll resume dating/cohabiting or they'll break up "for real" and the bf isn't going to fight to move back in. I bet he didn't even pay for May.
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May 10, 2014 07:43
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Dik Hz posted:It depends a great deal on the state. gently caress, when I lived in Maryland verbal leases were binding contracts. So, "You can crash here until you get back on your feet" confers full legal rights as a tenant. Well I know where I'll be couch surfing next!
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May 10, 2014 14:14
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