Slow Motion, the gene pool thanks you

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Slow Motion, the gene pool thanks you

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Referee: Aug 25, 2004; "Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday."
(Wilma Rudolph)

Slow Motion posted:

Many years ago I had a relationship with a wonderful, stable, and supportive girl. We lived together in five cities across two continents. After I was hired to my current position she decided to go to med school. We tried a long distance relationship. It was a miserable failure. For 5 months I was miserable. Our best couple friends were super supportive. Then they invited me to join in threesomes. That was the first time I've ever cheated on a relationship. The four years since have been a hurricane of crazy.

You say you were with some super supportive girl four years ago, then you got married, and divorced, and that's been at least several months ago, right?

You work quick, sir.

# ? May 13, 2014 18:32

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 20:51

Gorman Thomas: Jul 24, 2007

Well that explains a lot.

# ? May 13, 2014 18:33

No Wave: Sep 18, 2005; HA! HA! NICE! WHAT A TOOL!

When did you get fat?

# ? May 13, 2014 18:35

bam thwok: Sep 20, 2005; I sure hope I don't get banned

Veskit posted:

I change my mind, Ballin like Sisyphus, flying like Icarus is perfect.

This is your brain on syphilis

# ? May 13, 2014 18:36

tuyop: Sep 15, 2006; Every second that we're not growing BASIL is a second wasted; Fun Shoe

Man this thread is the poo poo lately. :popcorn:

# ? May 13, 2014 18:55

PassTheRemote: Mar 15, 2007; Number 6 holds The Village record in Duck Hunt.

The first one to kill wins.

Slow Motion posted:

I'll nominate a thread title.
The single most important page in my journal reads:
code:
I am Icarus. I fly.
I'm talked about in whispers, with awe,
And they don't even know it's me.
I am Icarus. My sun is rising. 
A gently caress buddy of mine told me a story in bed in the wee hours of a night. She told me about her engaged friends inviting some dude for threesomes. She told me about how she thought they were crazy, and how it ended up causing issues with their relationship because their third was more attractive and had his poo poo together much better than the man.

Many years ago I had a relationship with a wonderful, stable, and supportive girl. We lived together in five cities across two continents. After I was hired to my current position she decided to go to med school. We tried a long distance relationship. It was a miserable failure. For 5 months I was miserable. Our best couple friends were super supportive. Then they invited me to join in threesomes. That was the first time I've ever cheated on a relationship. The four years since have been a hurricane of crazy.

Slow Motion: I am Icarus. My sun is rising.

You do know how the story of Icarus ends right?

# ? May 13, 2014 18:56

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

Ballin' with syphilis, flyin' like the Hindenburg.

# ? May 13, 2014 19:15

PassTheRemote: Mar 15, 2007; Number 6 holds The Village record in Duck Hunt.

The first one to kill wins.

SlowMo: Like the Titanic, it's smooth sailing.

# ? May 13, 2014 19:18

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

I don't think most dudes brag about 2-dude threesomes, um.

# ? May 13, 2014 19:20

Slow Motion: Jul 19, 2004; My favorite things in life are sex, drugs, feeling like a baller, and being $30,000 in debt.

The good ex and I cooked and ate a ton of great food. Too much of it bread and pasta. I was also afraid of artificial sweetener and powered through 10 months of 21-25 credit quarters on 220 calorie a can Full Throttle.

PassTheRemote posted:

You do know how the story of Icarus ends right?

Nah. It never ends.

# ? May 13, 2014 19:21

spwrozek: Sep 4, 2006; Sail when it's windy

moana posted:

I don't think most dudes brag about 2-dude threesomes, um.

Ha. This is a great post.

Most dudes brag about anything though so you are probably wrong.

# ? May 13, 2014 19:41

April: Jul 3, 2006

moana posted:

I don't think most dudes brag about 2-dude threesomes, um.

He also thinks that running up massive credit card debt on ballin is some kind of accomplishment.

# ? May 13, 2014 19:49

Bloody Queef: Mar 23, 2012; by zen death robot

Slow Motion posted:

Nah. It never ends.

Did you just confuse Sysiphus and Icarus?

# ? May 13, 2014 19:54

Dwight Eisenhower: Jan 24, 2006; Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

Bloody Queef posted:

Did you just confuse Sysiphus and Icarus?

If you remove "just", and assume the answer is yes, it explains so much.

# ? May 13, 2014 20:09

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

when I felt those smooth smooth balls rub up against my balls, man, it was like I was flying towards the sun

# ? May 13, 2014 20:17

Folly: May 26, 2010

moana posted:

when I felt those smooth smooth balls rub up against my balls, man, it was like I was flying towards the sun

Please tell me this is going in one of your books?

Also, in all seriousness, I can't imagine a more accurate thread title than the current one.

# ? May 13, 2014 20:25

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

moana posted:

when I felt those smooth smooth balls rub up against my balls, man, it was like I was flying towards the sun

Reminder that it's not gay if the balls don't touch.

# ? May 13, 2014 20:26

marchantia: Nov 5, 2009; WHAT IS THIS

quote:

Slow Motion: I am Icarus. My sun is rising.

Keep on reaching for the sun, Slow Motion! Feels nice and warm, doesn't it?

Also, 'grats on the sex.

# ? May 13, 2014 20:32

Orthodox Rabbit: Jun 2, 2006; This game is perfect for empty-headed dunces that don't like to think much!! Of course, I'm a genius... I wonder why I'm so good at it?!

You're all just jealous because you don't have awesome wax wings like Slo Mo does

I believe I can fly~~~
I believe I can touch the sky~~~~
I think about ballin' every night and day
Spread my wings and spend away
I believe I can soar~~~~~

*buys a $300 pair of shoes shaped like birds*

# ? May 13, 2014 20:37

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

SarutosZero posted:

You're all just jealous because you don't have awesome wax wings like Slo Mo does

I believe I can fly~~~
I believe I can touch the sky~~~~
I think about ballin' every night and day
Spread my wings and spend away
I believe I can soar~~~~~

*buys a $300 pair of shoes shaped like birds*

I see me spending through that open door~~~~~~~
I believe I can fly~~~

# ? May 13, 2014 20:40

axeil: Feb 14, 2006

Slow Motion posted:

I'll nominate a thread title.
The single most important page in my journal reads:
code:
I am Icarus. I fly.
I'm talked about in whispers, with awe,
And they don't even know it's me.
I am Icarus. My sun is rising. 
A gently caress buddy of mine told me a story in bed in the wee hours of a night. She told me about her engaged friends inviting some dude for threesomes. She told me about how she thought they were crazy, and how it ended up causing issues with their relationship because their third was more attractive and had his poo poo together much better than the man.

Many years ago I had a relationship with a wonderful, stable, and supportive girl. We lived together in five cities across two continents. After I was hired to my current position she decided to go to med school. We tried a long distance relationship. It was a miserable failure. For 5 months I was miserable. Our best couple friends were super supportive. Then they invited me to join in threesomes. That was the first time I've ever cheated on a relationship. The four years since have been a hurricane of crazy.

Slow Motion: I am Icarus. My sun is rising.

You need to take either more or a lot less drugs. :wtc:

is this poo poo?

# ? May 13, 2014 21:07

Chinaman7000: Nov 28, 2003

Just made it from Page 1 to here over the past few days.

I can't believe it's still going. I assumed it would just stop at some point, but welp. Thanks for the entertainment everyone.

Just curious, not gonna make any assumptions or try to get psychoanalytical, but what older people do you look up to as role models? Not in a hero worship way, but when you see yourself as an old man, who in your life do you hope to be the most like? Older guys in your company? Family? Celebrities?

# ? May 13, 2014 21:46

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

Chinaman7000 posted:

Just curious, not gonna make any assumptions or try to get psychoanalytical, but what older people do you look up to as role models? Not in a hero worship way, but when you see yourself as an old man, who in your life do you hope to be the most like? Older guys in your company? Family? Celebrities?

Gonna take a wild guess:

# ? May 13, 2014 21:49

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

FrozenVent posted:

Gonna take a wild guess:

I love the fact that he's also underwater.

# ? May 13, 2014 21:50

sweetroy: May 23, 2011; thats a space bar

man i hate yall

Slow Motion posted:

Slow Motion: I am Icarus. My sun is rising.

This is incredibly accurate, but for a completely different reason to the one you intended.

# ? May 13, 2014 22:11

SiGmA_X: May 3, 2004; SiGmA_X

FrozenVent posted:

Gonna take a wild guess:

#Baller

# ? May 13, 2014 22:17

Old Fart: Jul 25, 2013

It's fascinating how he seems to delight in trolling the very people he asked for advice.

It's as if he doesn't really want help at all, just attention.

# ? May 13, 2014 22:34

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Of course. His "single most important" journal is what other people say about him. It's sad and telling both that he cares more about his reputation than about his character.

# ? May 13, 2014 22:40

SolTerrasa: Sep 2, 2011

Slow Motion posted:

Slow Motion: I am Icarus. My sun is rising.

Do we live in the same Seattle? The one in Washington? King County? Full of tech people who make more money than you and own terrible condos? Cause you can't live in the Seattle I'm from, and believe that sort of thing is significant. More than half the 20-somethings I know here are experimenting with being poly, with varying levels of success, "broke up because they weren't prepared for a secondary partner to made it weird" being one of those.

I just can't believe you wrote bad poetry about that time you had sex with some people. Literally everyone else is doing the same drat thing. I guess I'm glad it apparently blew your mind or whatever, though.

I just can't get over the poetry. And then you showed it to us?

# ? May 13, 2014 23:13

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Does anyone else ever get embarrassed on someone else's behalf? I was doing fine until now

# ? May 13, 2014 23:34

tuyop: Sep 15, 2006; Every second that we're not growing BASIL is a second wasted; Fun Shoe

SolTerrasa posted:

Do we live in the same Seattle? The one in Washington? King County? Full of tech people who make more money than you and own terrible condos? Cause you can't live in the Seattle I'm from, and believe that sort of thing is significant. More than half the 20-somethings I know here are experimenting with being poly, with varying levels of success, "broke up because they weren't prepared for a secondary partner to made it weird" being one of those.

I just can't believe you wrote bad poetry about that time you had sex with some people. Literally everyone else is doing the same drat thing. I guess I'm glad it apparently blew your mind or whatever, though.

I just can't get over the poetry. And then you showed it to us?

I suddenly need to go to Seattle.

# ? May 13, 2014 23:44

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

tuyop posted:

I suddenly need to go to Seattle.

Someone link tuyop's GF to this, she has an account; tia.

# ? May 13, 2014 23:45

sweetroy: May 23, 2011; thats a space bar

man i hate yall

Anne Whateley posted:

Does anyone else ever get embarrassed on someone else's behalf? I was doing fine until now

It's called Fremdsch�men, Schadenfreude's more uncomfortable cousin

# ? May 13, 2014 23:56

Thesoro: Dec 6, 2005; YOU CANNOT LEARN
TO WHISTLE

Slow Motion posted:

I'll nominate a thread title.
The single most important page in my journal reads:
code:
april 22nd: was a baller
april 23rd: was a baller
april 24th: was a baller
A gently caress buddy of mine told me a story in bed in the baller hours of a night. She told me about a sweet baller who dealt out fliff left and right, not even counting it. She told me how she thought he was baller, and how it ended up making him a huge rad baller because his money was more attractive and was much baller than her.

Many years ago I had a relationship with a baller, baller, and baller wad of cash. We balled together in five cities across two balls. After I was hired to my current position (Head Baller) she decided to go to ball school. We tried a long-distance ballationship. It was a miserable ballure. For 5 balls I was baller. Our ball couple balls were super baller. Then they balled me to join in ballsomes. That was the ball time I've ever balled on a ballationship. The ball years since have been a ballicane of baller.

Slow Motion: I am baller. My sun is baller.

# ? May 14, 2014 00:06

spwrozek: Sep 4, 2006; Sail when it's windy

Sold my car on Craigslist today. Only took 20 days, 10 of them I was out of the state for work. Come on slow motion, get that sucker sold!

# ? May 14, 2014 00:22

SpelledBackwards: Jan 7, 2001; I found this image on the Internet, perhaps you've heard of it? It's been around for a while I hear.

Shine posted:

Reminder that it's not gay if the balls don't touch.

Yeah, but sometimes there's no avoiding it:

Slow Motion posted:

I would not hesitate to rock the high-waist-fast-talker to an exam one day.

Slow Motion delivers:

# ? May 14, 2014 00:34

Never you mind: Jun 5, 2010

SlowMo, you have yet to make it to 30. You don't get to talk about ANY romantic relationship as happening "many years ago." All your bullshit about living together on x+1 continents or spontaneous vacations in the rainforest comes across like dimestore Hemingway. Just waiting for you to go big game hunting in the Serengeti like a baller.

# ? May 14, 2014 00:39

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

Slow Motion posted:

I'll nominate a thread title.
The single most important page in my journal reads:
code:
I am Icarus. I fly.
I'm talked about in whispers, with awe,
And they don't even know it's me.
I am Icarus. My sun is rising. 
A gently caress buddy of mine told me a story in bed in the wee hours of a night. She told me about her engaged friends inviting some dude for threesomes. She told me about how she thought they were crazy, and how it ended up causing issues with their relationship because their third was more attractive and had his poo poo together much better than the man.

Many years ago I had a relationship with a wonderful, stable, and supportive girl. We lived together in five cities across two continents. After I was hired to my current position she decided to go to med school. We tried a long distance relationship. It was a miserable failure. For 5 months I was miserable. Our best couple friends were super supportive. Then they invited me to join in threesomes. That was the first time I've ever cheated on a relationship. The four years since have been a hurricane of crazy.

Slow Motion: I am Icarus. My sun is rising.

# ? May 14, 2014 00:54

Old Fart: Jul 25, 2013

Every generation thinks they invented swinging.

# ? May 14, 2014 01:12

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 20:51

SiGmA_X: May 3, 2004; SiGmA_X

Old Fart posted:

It's fascinating how he seems to delight in trolling the very people he asked for advice.

It's as if he doesn't really want help at all, just attention.

Broken records, all of us. It's pretty clear this is all an attention grab... Once he's out of debt and can ball harder, I'm guessing the thread will die and he'll impress people more in person. #baller !

# ? May 14, 2014 01:25

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Slow Motion, the gene pool thanks you

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