The Farthouse: Hush Little Browns fan

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got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Ode to backup receivers:

What would you think if I threw wounded ducks?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your trust and I'll throw you a pass
And I'll try not to throw out of bounds

Oh, I just win with a little help from my corps
Mmm, I get high with a little help from my corps
Mmm, gonna win with a little help from my corps

What do I do when my receiver's away
Does it worry me to be alone?
How do I feel by the end of the day
Am I sad because I'm on my own?

No, I get by with a little help from my corps
Mmm, get high with a little help from my corps
Mmm, gonna win with a little help from my corps

Do I need anybody?
I need somebody to catch
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to score

Would you believe in a bro at first sight?
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light?
I can't tell you but I know it's mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my corps
Mmm, get high with a little help from my corps
Oh, I'm gonna win with a little help from my corps

Do I need anybody?
I just need someone to catch
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to score

Oh, I get by with a little help from my corps
Mmm, gonna win with a little help from my corps
Oh, I get high with a little help from my corps
Yes, I get by with a little help from my corps
With a little help from my friends

Didn't change much but drat I love this song. I also thought it'd be cool if someone could redo the whole Abbey Road medly but that's tough.

# ? May 19, 2014 06:03

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 20:29

Thaddius the Large: Jul 5, 2006; It's in the five-hole!

pangstrom posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/There%27s_a_Wocket_in_My_Pocket

There's a Sanchez in my Haunches
by Brandon Moore

Did I tell you of my flashback where that Wilfork is a big dork?
And our QB is a booby?
And the hole to which he rolls is not correct at all?
And then that Sanchez is in my Haunches?
I can still hear the drawled mirth of Collinsworth
As the Pats D pads their stat sheets...

That season we had ambition to make the next transition
But Rexorcist persisted inspecting defence
And Tebow and feet toes.
No weapon stepped-in, none beckoned. Even for Woodhead we sure pled.
There was no gap under the cap.

That�s the kind of season it was.
There were no draft picks to move the yard sticks.
Just books and interviews about tatoos.
Okay our defense was no nonsense.
While you could stop our pass rush with a toothbrush
our the secondary was a cherry.
And at least we left that Tebow in the Gazebo.
And Mangold was a stronghold.

But that Hunter was a crockpot. He used to block but then could NOT.
And Sparano, holy poo poo! Even when we won--7-6?
What is this, soccer? Santonio acted like that kind of fucker.
I'm sorry you're hurt, but don't chuck the ball
And that was week 4, still early -- eventually
the dumpster fire was so stout that even Fireman Fred said "I'm out".
Worst six and ten there has ever been.

And that Sanchez in my Haunches! The burr in my saddle that plain won't skedaddle.
The offense was so dire I had to retire.
And, folks, I tell you what, I may have CTE. In my butt.

gently caress me I'm crying real tears of laughter here.

# ? May 19, 2014 06:39

Prozach: Oct 30, 2013; When God invented Lycra, he was thinking about Divas matches.

"Johnny Manziel" (to the tune of Gorillaz' "Clint Eastwood")

*Chorus*

It's a factory...made of sad
This whole franchise...makes me mad
It's useless...the same old song
The future...is still forgone
It's a factory...made of sad
This whole franchise...makes me mad
It's useless...the same old song
The future...is still forgone
It's still forgone, it's still forgone, it's still forgone, it's still forgone, it's...

Verse 1

Anxiety. Someone let me out of my cage.
This wait for me is torture, I'm going numb from the pain
Yes I am well aware
That it's kinda unfair
Me and Blake Bortles there?
There's no way we compare.
"Intangibles"
I'm as sick of this poo poo as much as you are, too.
Takes a hosed up view
To truly think I'm unmanageable.
Picks and blues
Always lose
(Well, they might win two)
Constant boos
It's so clear that the Jaguars are screwed.
Picture me with a crew that is bred to lose.
That would be a hoot.
You think it's possible?
Probable? Maybe.
Logical?
There's no band that's just as bad as those drat Jags. Now that's plain crazy.
Hold on.
There's one team on the clock that's pure cancer.
Come on.
They better not believe that I'm their answer.
"Hello John?
We're sure that you are the cure for
Our neverending sorrow...welcome to Cleveland."

*Song ends as abruptly as Manziel's career.* Also because I didn't want to write another verse

# ? May 19, 2014 09:01

cucka: Nov 4, 2009; TOUCHDOWN DETROIT LIONS
Sorry about all
the bad posting.

It's very good. Do another verse. That's how the Browns album started for me. One MF DOOM verse, i chased the thread, and before you know it I'm recording every other weekend.

BTW, I don't think I ever thanked Rapp for encouraging Browns Rapp as I was writing it. That started the whole thing. I've got something in the pipe that I think you'll like, but I really wanna get it just right, as it's a tricky rewrite, but if I nail it just right, I think it'll really come together.

A first draft preview

"Sweet baby jesus
I'm on trial
I'mma need a drat lawyer and a miracle
to pull my rear end outta this
Odin kept on pokin the bull, snitchin,
so I shot him in the street,
and I was over it."

I'll leave the rest to imagination. Puscifer fans might know what I'm going at. Intentional vagueness is fun.

I'm gonna work on it over the next day or so. I'm very tired after a busy weekend. I need to re-calibrate, catch my breath, and really sit down with this one.

# ? May 19, 2014 11:34

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

pangstrom posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/There%27s_a_Wocket_in_My_Pocket

There's a Sanchez in my Haunches
by Brandon Moore

Did I tell you of my flashback where that Wilfork is a big dork?
And our QB is a booby?
And the hole to which he rolls is not correct at all?
And then that Sanchez is in my Haunches?
I can still hear the drawled mirth of Collinsworth
As the Pats D pads their stat sheets...

That season we had ambition to make the next transition
But Rexorcist persisted inspecting defence
And Tebow and feet toes.
No weapon stepped-in, none beckoned. Even for Woodhead we sure pled.
There was no gap under the cap.

That�s the kind of season it was.
There were no draft picks to move the yard sticks.
Just books and interviews about tatoos.
Okay our defense was no nonsense.
While you could stop our pass rush with a toothbrush
our secondary was a cherry.
And at least we left that Tebow in the Gazebo.
And Mangold was a stronghold.

But that Hunter was a crockpot. He used to block but then could NOT.
And Sparano, holy poo poo! Even when we won--7-6?
What is this, soccer? Santonio acted like that kind of fucker.
I'm sorry you're hurt, but don't chuck the ball
And that was week 4, still early -- eventually
the dumpster fire was so stout that even Fireman Ed said "I'm out".
Worst six and ten there has ever been.

And that Sanchez in my Haunches! The burr in my saddle that plain won't skedaddle.
The offense was so dire I had to retire.
And, folks, I tell you what, I may have CTE. In my butt.

This is a work of art goddamn

# ? May 19, 2014 18:21

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

This is as close as I get to art, but that reminded me of this, so I had to make a gif:

# ? May 19, 2014 18:30

A Pale Horse: Jul 29, 2007

Gerund posted:

X curl! Y curl!
Z curl! X flat!
Could you, would you
make first down with that?

Not with a flat! Not with a curl!
Not to a back! Schott! What a world!
I would not, could not, with four yards after catch.
I could not, would not, with UDFA backs!

I laughed a lot at this, thanks.

# ? May 19, 2014 21:39

Athanatos: Jun 7, 2006; Est. 2000

Kalli posted:

This is as close as I get to art, but that reminded me of this, so I had to make a gif:

Running into an rear end has a Sports Science.

# ? May 19, 2014 21:44

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Hey Febreeze, a facebook friend who has zero interest in football just posted your Michael Sam comic

Apparently its been going around

# ? May 20, 2014 02:42

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

Mel Mudkiper posted:

Hey Febreeze, a facebook friend who has zero interest in football just posted your Michael Sam comic

Apparently its been going around

He must be one of those SJWs I shat on in the final paragraphs.

Not surprised that one got spread around. It was a hot/controversial topic, it's bound to get more attention than one of my bad puns

# ? May 20, 2014 03:01

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

Concussions n poo poo

http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/rub-some-dirt-on-it/

Also I have an avatar for McStabby for winning the Lost Season contest earlier

Febreeze fucked around with this message at 20:19 on May 20, 2014

# ? May 20, 2014 18:11

McStabby: Jun 26, 2007; LANA!!! CRUUUUUSH!

Febreeze posted:

Concussions n poo poo

http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/rub-some-dirt-on-it/

Also I have an avatar for McStabby for winning the Lost Season contest earlier

Thanks again for the avatar!

Can anyone think of a title to go with this? Thinking of going with "Oh Yeaaah" unless someone has a better suggestion.

# ? May 20, 2014 21:58

PrinceRandom: Feb 26, 2013

Febreeze posted:

Concussions n poo poo

http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/rub-some-dirt-on-it/

Also I have an avatar for McStabby for winning the Lost Season contest earlier

I'm bad at av text but thanks for the av!

# ? May 21, 2014 00:15

Fenrir: Apr 26, 2005; I found my kendo stick, bitch!; Lipstick Apathy

McStabby posted:

Thanks again for the avatar!

Can anyone think of a title to go with this? Thinking of going with "Oh Yeaaah" unless someone has a better suggestion.

I really think that's the only text possible.

# ? May 21, 2014 00:57

ZenVulgarity: Oct 9, 2012; I made the hat by transforming my zen

Thanks for the avatar Febreeze.

# ? May 21, 2014 01:29

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

ZenVulgarity posted:

Thanks for the avatar Febreeze.

hahahaha that's great

# ? May 21, 2014 01:45

Hockles: Dec 25, 2007; Resident of ~~Camp Blood~~
Crystal Lake

ZenVulgarity posted:

Thanks for the avatar Febreeze.

This angers me so much.

# ? May 21, 2014 01:50

Chris James 2: Aug 9, 2012

ZenVulgarity posted:

Thanks for the avatar Febreeze.

Beautiful

# ? May 21, 2014 03:49

ZenVulgarity: Oct 9, 2012; I made the hat by transforming my zen

Hockles posted:

This angers me so much.

Why my son

# ? May 21, 2014 04:18

Val Helmethead: Apr 24, 2009; Pittsburgh is stored in the balls.

To the tune of Hellfire (Hunchback of Notre Dame)

quote:

Confiteor Godelli Omnipotenti
Beato Cleveland semper Virtuo
Beato Dawsoni archangelo
Sanctis Cantonitis omnibus sanctis

Beata Cleveland
You know I am a righteous fan
Of my attendance I am justly proud

Et tibit Haslam

Beata Cleveland
You know I'm so much purer than
The common, vulgar, weak, bandwagon crowds

Quia peccavi nimis
Then tell me, Cleveland
Why I see him scrambling there
Why his smold'ring throws still scorch my soul

Cogitatione

I feel him, I see him
The sun caught in his short cropped hair
Is blazing in me out of all control

Verbo et opere

Like Fire
Dark fire
This fire in my skin
This burning
Optimism
Is telling me we'll win

It's not my fault

Mea culpa

I'm not to blame

Mea culpa

It is the quarterback
The Texan sent this flame

Mea maxima culpa

It's not my fault

Mea culpa

If in Godell's plan

Mea culpa

He made the owners so much
Stronger than the fans

Mea maxima culpa

Protect me, Cleveland
Don't let this siren cast his spell
Don't let his drafting make me think we've won again
Destroy Johnny Football
And with him the sadness factory
Or else get us to the playoffs one again
Hellfire
Dark fire
Now texan, it's your turn
Choose wins or
Your fact'ry
Win o'er 9 or you will burn

Kyrie Eleison

Godell have mercy on him

Kyrie Eleison

Godell have mercy on me

Kyrie Eleison

But he win o're 9
Or he will burn

# ? May 21, 2014 05:50

cucka: Nov 4, 2009; TOUCHDOWN DETROIT LIONS
Sorry about all
the bad posting.

Majestic and I'm not even familiar with the source.

# ? May 21, 2014 06:53

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

ZenVulgarity posted:

Thanks for the avatar Febreeze.

I don't get it

# ? May 21, 2014 07:08

Eifert Posting: Apr 1, 2007; Most of the time he catches it every time.; Grimey Drawer

cucka posted:

Majestic and I'm not even familiar with the source.

It's the best Disney song but from one of the worst Disney musicals.

# ? May 21, 2014 07:29

JT Jag: Aug 30, 2009; #1 Jaguars Sunk Cost Fallacy-Haver

Pretty much all the Disney Villain Songs are awesome but Hellfire is amazing.

# ? May 21, 2014 09:06

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

JT Jag posted:

Pretty much all the Disney Villain Songs are awesome but Hellfire is amazing.

Hellfire is one of those songs that I didn't really get as a kid but now I hear it as an adult and go :stare:

Kinda the same thing with Savages from Pocahontas

# ? May 21, 2014 09:17

Eifert Posting: Apr 1, 2007; Most of the time he catches it every time.; Grimey Drawer

I actively dislike Disney but Hellfire is amazing. Hard to believe it exists within the steaming pile of horseshit that is Hunchback.

# ? May 21, 2014 12:24

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Eifert Posting posted:

I actively dislike Disney

Don't let my wife hear you say that. She's liable to cut someone over that.

# ? May 21, 2014 13:08

my cat is norris: Mar 11, 2010; #onecallcat

Can the next Farthouse contest be football players as Disney Princesses? :ohdear:

# ? May 21, 2014 13:53

ZenVulgarity: Oct 9, 2012; I made the hat by transforming my zen

my cat is norris posted:

Can the next Farthouse contest be football players as Disney Princesses?

Characters in general IMO

# ? May 21, 2014 13:59

my cat is norris: Mar 11, 2010; #onecallcat

ZenVulgarity posted:

Characters in general IMO

That works.

I can sponsor this after the current contest ends.

# ? May 21, 2014 14:02

ZenVulgarity: Oct 9, 2012; I made the hat by transforming my zen

Intruder posted:

I don't get it

I repeatedly spelled The Great One's name in a playoff gdt for the title

Eli Manning is so inaccurate he can't even hit his own team

I'm a fan of new York and Florida sports

# ? May 21, 2014 14:18

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

I got bored so I made a sexy Eli manning

# ? May 21, 2014 17:35

GenHavoc: Jul 19, 2006; Vive L'Empreur!
Vive La Surcouf!

Febreeze posted:

I got bored so I made a sexy Eli manning

My EYES!!!!

# ? May 21, 2014 17:39

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

JT Jag posted:

Pretty much all the Disney Villain Songs are awesome but Hellfire is amazing.

It's good but not enough for me to knock Be Prepared off the top of the mountain

# ? May 21, 2014 17:40

Qwijib0: Apr 10, 2007; Who needs on-field skills when you can dance like this?; Fun Shoe

Intruder posted:

It's good but not enough for me to knock Be Prepared off the top of the mountain

Thank you. Somebody with a Correct Opinion.

# ? May 21, 2014 17:58

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

it's pretty much Gaston/Be Prepared/Hellfire as a top 3

# ? May 21, 2014 18:02

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

working on finding a way to make "poor unfortunate souls" about browns fans

# ? May 21, 2014 18:03

Fight Club Sandwich: Apr 29, 2006; you want a piece of me???

e: nothing to see here

# ? May 21, 2014 18:09

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Look at you goobers talking about Children's movies. Sorry, I am a grown man and only watch films for adults like La Double Vie de V�ronique, Shoah, and Captain America.

# ? May 21, 2014 18:45

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 20:29

Azhais: Feb 5, 2007; Switchblade Switcharoo

ZenVulgarity posted:

Thanks for the avatar Febreeze.

Speaking of Febreeze avatars, he still owes me one for winning the charity fantasy football league last year. Now I just need some sort of useful idea

# ? May 21, 2014 20:08

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > The Farthouse: Hush Little Browns fan

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