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Honestly, specs are becoming archaic. The only real reason to write one anymore is if you're applying for a workshop or fellowship that still requires them. No one wants to read anything but originals anymore. They're what gets you representation and they're what gets sent out for staffing. I actually worked on a show fairly recently where we specifically requested specs vs originals as writing samples, and it was like pulling teeth with agents to get a sample spec from some of their clients, if they even had one at all.
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May 11, 2014 06:18
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If anyone is interested, I have a short film screenplay written a year ago. It's about a guy throwing a costume party at his friend's place that gets out of hand. It deals with the themes of loss and fitting back into the social scene after a traumatic event. Things that I was struggling with at the time. Keep in mind, it could use a second or third rewrite since it's over a year old. I'd appreciate some feedback. http://www.sendspace.com/file/rd8mt0
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May 13, 2014 00:39
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mechacop posted:If anyone is interested, I have a short film screenplay written a year ago. It's about a guy throwing a costume party at his friend's place that gets out of hand. It deals with the themes of loss and fitting back into the social scene after a traumatic event. Things that I was struggling with at the time. Keep in mind, it could use a second or third rewrite since it's over a year old. I'd appreciate some feedback. What exactly is the point of this short? It doesn't have a powerful ending and I'm not sure what it is you're trying to say. The script quite well written but I have some issues: You tend to use over descriptive language in your directions like - "A young man, surely not a day over 20, hunches over his computer in a way that his spine must detest him for." when "Paul (20) hunches over his computer" would be better. There is also an instance where you use an offensive term in your directions ("he looks like a tranny"). It's okay to use offensive words in your dialogue but not in your directions - especially when it's a superfluous description. The character is wearing a dress and ladies wig. Also, the dialogue about Paul's genitals rubbing up against his sisters dress (which he is wearing) is disturbing and not something anyone would ever say in real life. It's unbelievable and a little weird. To summarise I'd say that your script is technically competent but descriptively verbose. The story appears to have no real point to it and Paul's comments about the dress need to be cut. Twisted Perspective fucked around with this message at 20:47 on May 13, 2014 |
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May 13, 2014 20:43
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Twisted Perspective posted:What exactly is the point of this short? It doesn't have a powerful ending and I'm not sure what it is you're trying to say. I agree completely. I was 16 when I wrote this. Now I'm 18, genderfluid, and I find some of my instances of attempted humour cringe-worthy and offensive. It's something I would never write today, case in point.
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May 13, 2014 22:09
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mechacop posted:If anyone is interested, I have a short film screenplay written a year ago. It's about a guy throwing a costume party at his friend's place that gets out of hand. It deals with the themes of loss and fitting back into the social scene after a traumatic event. Things that I was struggling with at the time. Keep in mind, it could use a second or third rewrite since it's over a year old. I'd appreciate some feedback. It's not terrible. Having the amorous couple horn in on Paul's territory is a good way of spurring him to leave his zone of comfort. I liked the "I'm… Jewish?" line. The setup is laborious -- it shouldn't take three pages to get to the party in a barely eight-page script. Your descriptive passages are way too verbose, the Minecraft reference is too specific, and someone's already mentioned that "tranny" is both offensive and redundant. There are a lot of passages where you shift into the passive voice ("the door is knocked on") rather than the active voice ("they knock on the door"). If this is indeed a story about "a guy throwing a costume party at his friend's place that gets out of hand," then the party isn't getting far enough out of control. Somebody eats Paul's special cereal and Greg drinks too much. Consider that the party only lasts for two pages, which is one page less than the amount of time it took to set up the party in the first place. Why was Greg drinking hard lemonades when he was so excited about the keg a couple pages before? Don't even get me started on putting Slender Man into this thing. I find the lead characters generally unpleasant, even when Paul opens up at the end -- because he still does it in a crass way. And meanwhile the big laugh line ending the whole thing is Paul calling Greg a human being for daring to show emotion. It's better to devise a genuinely awkward or intense situation than to just throw an "intense silence" or "awkward cough" into the action descriptions. It needs basic proofreading. And just generally speaking, because in the end this turns out to be the linchpin of the whole script: why does Greg make Paul put on his dead sister's dress? Why does Paul go along with it? How does that decision complicate or enrich the drama/comedy beyond just "having your main character in a dress now"? At present, absolutely nothing about the party scene would be any different if Paul were just wearing his own clothes. You need a better reason to get him into his dead sister's dress than to make tranny jokes, take a hard swerve into sentimentality, and then call the guy a human being.
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May 13, 2014 22:13
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Max22 posted:It's not terrible. Having the amorous couple horn in on Paul's territory is a good way of spurring him to leave his zone of comfort. I liked the "I'm… Jewish?" line. Max22 posted:It's not terrible. Having the amorous couple horn in on Paul's territory is a good way of spurring him to leave his zone of comfort. I liked the "I'm… Jewish?" line. You're preaching to the choir, guy. This is a very flawed script. One that is definitely dated, as I've said. Maybe if I resurrected it and rewrote it, I could try to breathe some life into it. But it's almost two years old, so I would rather move on to something where I can flex more creatively. I acknowledge every problem you mention as valid, thank you for that input.
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May 13, 2014 22:49
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mechacop posted:You're preaching to the choir, guy. Don't do this. Your script is bad. You posted it knowing it was bad. I'm not even going to be cute and make a poo poo sandwich. Your script is technically fine in the sense that things are capitalized and not in the wrong place on the page. Your descriptions are embarrassingly goony, your characters are muddy and totally indistinct, the twist makes no sense at all, and if there's supposed to be a satiric bent to any of this I can't find it. Do people talk like that? Do you talk like that? I hope you don't talk like that. I say all this having written and filmed scripts that are just as bad. There's no use lingering over something you wrote when you were sixteen. Go give your creative muscles another flex and bring back something new.
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May 13, 2014 23:20
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Magic Hate Ball posted:Don't do this. Your script is bad. You posted it knowing it was bad. I'm not even going to be cute and make a poo poo sandwich. Your script is technically fine in the sense that things are capitalized and not in the wrong place on the page. Your descriptions are embarrassingly goony, your characters are muddy and totally indistinct, the twist makes no sense at all, and if there's supposed to be a satiric bent to any of this I can't find it. Do people talk like that? Do you talk like that? I hope you don't talk like that. Sorry, was trying to be sincere. It's just the last thing I've written and haven't wrote anything in screenplay format since. I will come back when I have something worth notice. Thanks.
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May 13, 2014 23:53
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Hey guys, I have a screenplay I'd like to share. This is the first screenplay I've ever written and it's my final for my intro to screenwriting class. Before I turn it in I would really appreciate some feedback from you guys if you've got the time. It's 32 pages so I don't expect you guys to read the entire thing (plus the plot isnt great, admittedly) but I'd like to know if there's anything I can improve formatting-wise or anything like that. Thanks in advance! http://www.sendspace.com/file/u7y2ds
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May 15, 2014 15:27
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Judging by the first six pages, you really, really ought to truncate. There's a lot of "did you hear?!" and talking about stuff instead of stuff actually happening. Leave that stuff out, figure out how you can do it more compactly. Get to the conflict as soon as possible - six minutes in and I only know there's a dude with panic attacks who wants to make a movie. But he's not making one yet. I think your descriptions are fine, but your dialogue is off - both in what they say and the way they say it. Try reading it out loud, you'll see what works and what doesn't. E: for example, has any mom ever asked their son what they are up to? Do they really want to know? another edit: 8 pages in and the conflict is established. "Dude needs to make the best movie ever to stay in college. Problem is: He's got massive panic attacks." You can establish that in two scenes. (Not going to go into whether that premise is interesting or not, but I'm not feeling your main character's conflict, a guy who keeps repeating what he can't do isn't that sympathetic, at least let him try and fail massively so we know he's not faking it and actually feel his pain.) Otcho fucked around with this message at 17:46 on May 15, 2014 |
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May 15, 2014 17:39
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Otcho posted:Judging by the first six pages, you really, really ought to truncate. There's a lot of "did you hear?!" and talking about stuff instead of stuff actually happening. Leave that stuff out, figure out how you can do it more compactly. Get to the conflict as soon as possible - six minutes in and I only know there's a dude with panic attacks who wants to make a movie. But he's not making one yet. Ok going back and reading it, pretty much everything you say makes tons of sense. And I think the reason I waited to establish the conflict so long is we did our screenplays in sections for the class. So we had to do act 1 in like 7 or 8 pages with the conflict at the end (stunning surprise? Turning point 1? I always forget which is which). Appreciate it!
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May 15, 2014 17:53
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How the gently caress do I come up with a tagline thats not super lame and cliche?
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May 26, 2014 05:12
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jimcunningham posted:How the gently caress do I come up with a tagline thats not super lame and cliche? Tagline? Well, that's just up to verbal wit. If your story isn't super lame and cliche, try and restate it, or the central problem, or central hook in as few words as possible in a twist on a common phrase.
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May 26, 2014 20:37
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jimcunningham posted:How the gently caress do I come up with a tagline thats not super lame and cliche? Do you mean logline?
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May 26, 2014 22:15
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Max22 posted:Do you mean logline? No i meant tagline. I was doing a mockup poster for inspiration, and everything i wrote came up cheesy sounding. They mostly all are though.
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May 27, 2014 02:42
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Alternatively, can you just not have one? That's the only way I can think of avoiding a cheesy tagline. There really is no such thing as a not cheesy tagline.
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May 27, 2014 02:52
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That seems like the best route
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May 27, 2014 04:32
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I'm finding myself writing paragraphs- at the time of writing, it feels like I'm giving just enough to give clipped, efficient actions, but when I actually print the pages out to look at, it's clear my paragraphs are too big. Is it better to just get it all down on paper and then edit, or should I try and make a conscious effort to limit my writing in the future?
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May 28, 2014 20:02
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You know the answer's both. Say less with more. Be imaginative, deliver only key details. Don't describe internal action unless it's actable.
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May 28, 2014 20:07
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Also, since I have you here, I have a question about capitalization; two of the books I'm reading have contradictory information. One says that for a "selling script" I should capitalize every instance of a character's name, as well as plot-important props, sound effects, etc. The other book says that I should capitalize minimally, only when introducing a new character and rarely for sound effects and the like. Is there an appropriate way to do it? Thanks too Bee for the advice. I'll tighten things up and then see if you guys can't rip it apart. I've been working on it for a little while, but this sort of creative writing doesn't come easy to me.
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May 28, 2014 20:46
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Don't capitalize every instance of a character's name. Capitalizing important props, sounds, etc is more of a stylistic choice, IMO. I've seen it at both ends of spectrum.
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May 28, 2014 20:56
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areyoucontagious posted:Also, since I have you here, I have a question about capitalization; two of the books I'm reading have contradictory information. One says that for a "selling script" I should capitalize every instance of a character's name, as well as plot-important props, sound effects, etc. The other book says that I should capitalize minimally, only when introducing a new character and rarely for sound effects and the like. Is there an appropriate way to do it? If it's a spec script looking to be sold -- then you want minimal capitalization. Introduction to characters, some sounds, emphasis. It also depends on the genre you're writing. I've read a lot of sci-fi and action scripts lately full of capitalization to underscore the HEART-STOPPING ACTION. Read more scripts in your genre to get a feel for the appropriate level. On the other hand, if you've already been paid to write something and you're writing the shooting draft that's about to be sent for the UPM for budgeting, they greatly appreciate the whole capitalizing props thing because it makes their breakdowns so much easier.
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May 28, 2014 21:11
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hotsoupdinner posted:If it's a spec script looking to be sold -- then you want minimal capitalization. Introduction to characters, some sounds, emphasis. It also depends on the genre you're writing. I've read a lot of sci-fi and action scripts lately full of capitalization to underscore the HEART-STOPPING ACTION. Read more scripts in your genre to get a feel for the appropriate level. Nah, this is just a draft that will someday make me a millionaire  . I had been capitalizing every name, but went back through and changed it all back. If I want to highlight a super important prop, however, it's acceptable to capitalize it the first time it's introduced? Like say there's a really important book that introduce as a TOME, and then refer to it as book/tome throughout the rest of the script. Acceptable to capitalize TOME the first time and leave it normal the rest of the time?
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May 28, 2014 21:21
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areyoucontagious posted:Nah, this is just a draft that will someday make me a millionaire That sounds about right to me.
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May 28, 2014 21:25
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You know what I'm noticing in my script? People sure do like to breathe a lot. "He breathes." "She takes a breath." "Her breath stops...and slowly...comes...back." "He calculates...breathes...and pulls away." I'm mostly using it as shorthand for "This character is thinking," though I'm not afraid to say "He thinks about this" when more appropriate. (Whether that's a good instinct is another matter.) I'm not entirely sure I'm overusing it and I'm gonna wait for beta reads to find out, but are there other actions I should consider?
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May 30, 2014 14:16
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Little actions during thought or dialogue breaks are a director's job, not something you'd want to write into a script. "He thinks for a moment" is about what I'd say, and I wouldn't worry about how often I did it. If that came to me to direct I'd change those or represent them however I felt like it anyway without paying them much thought.
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May 30, 2014 16:41
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Unless you're Pinter, you can't overuse [BEAT]. [A PAUSE]. [He sighs.] Or even a line break in dialogue.
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May 30, 2014 17:25
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DivisionPost posted:You know what I'm noticing in my script? People sure do like to breathe a lot. "He breathes." "She takes a breath." "Her breath stops...and slowly...comes...back." "He calculates...breathes...and pulls away." I'm mostly using it as shorthand for "This character is thinking," though I'm not afraid to say "He thinks about this" when more appropriate. (Whether that's a good instinct is another matter.) I'm not entirely sure I'm overusing it and I'm gonna wait for beta reads to find out, but are there other actions I should consider? Don't? It sounds like your overthinking and micromanaging every little thing. Not saying that you can't ever use it but you should be able to get your point across most of the time without resorting to that.
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May 30, 2014 17:33
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Golden Bee posted:Unless you're Pinter, you can't overuse [BEAT]. I like the idea of using line breaks, but I always thought everything else fell under the "don't use wrylies" rule and was seen as directing on the page. ...Not that I apparently gave a gently caress before now, but still.
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May 30, 2014 19:27
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Slim Killington posted:Little actions during thought or dialogue breaks are a director's job, not something you'd want to write into a script. He lights a cigarette. Just make sure they're more interesting than breathing. Of course, that should be true of every action in your script. quote:"He thinks for a moment" is about what I'd say, and I wouldn't worry about how often I did it.
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May 30, 2014 20:06
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Max22 posted:That's generally true, but I still think incidental actions can be used as tools to control the rhythm of dialogue. I'm going to say the opposite. "Breathing" is directing the actor on what to do. "Thinking" is something an actor can interpret or a director can direct without the screenwriter stepping on their toes. Edit: You want to tell an actor what to do (think) and not how to do it (through breathing). hotsoupdinner fucked around with this message at 20:34 on May 30, 2014 |
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May 30, 2014 20:24
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You don't want to micro-manage a performance, but showing the reader an action will always be stronger than baldly relaying something that's internalized. Writing "he realizes" or "she thinks" is a poor choice when you can have your characters dig out an overlooked piece of evidence or chew on a Bic pen.
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May 30, 2014 21:39
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Max22 posted:You don't want to micro-manage a performance, but showing the reader an action will always be stronger than baldly relaying something that's internalized. Writing "he realizes" or "she thinks" is a poor choice when you can have your characters dig out an overlooked piece of evidence or chew on a Bic pen. Digging out an overlooked piece of evidence works because it's a statement that an actor can interpret and it reads well on the page, but chewing on a pen? That's extremely micro-managing things and is exactly what readers and directors hate.
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May 30, 2014 21:58
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hotsoupdinner posted:Digging out an overlooked piece of evidence works because it's a statement that an actor can interpret and it reads well on the page, but chewing on a pen? That's extremely micro-managing things and is exactly what readers and directors hate. Bear in mind that the alternative being put forward is to tell the actor to think. Movies are built on visual action. Thinking is for statues.
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May 30, 2014 22:58
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Golden Bee posted:Unless you're Pinter, you can't overuse [BEAT]. (BEAT) is correct, but it certainly can be over used. Don't try to direct the actors. Delivery should be guided by the emotional tone of the dialogue.
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May 31, 2014 02:33
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I think it's one of those things you use when necessary. In theory any dialogue or action you write into the script may be performed a bunch of different ways, so it's a question of just how important it is that a character pauses. If it's just for rhythm it can usually be scrapped because rhythm is something the actor, director, editor, etc. will work out. On the other hand the script for "Chuckles Bites the Dust" from The Mary Tyler Moore show has a whole bunch of (beats) written into it, because it's a) a sitcom b) a kind of weird tragicomic episode where a recurring character is killed and everyone is trying not to laugh at how he died. So a lot of awkward pauses.
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Jun 1, 2014 20:39
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Zypher posted:Honestly, specs are becoming archaic. The only real reason to write one anymore is if you're applying for a workshop or fellowship that still requires them. Can you say more about this? My own experience is pretty limited, but other than marginal festivals and contests which seem more like PR stunts than actual attempts to find new writers, I haven't seen many places asking for original scripts. Again, this could be based on my own relative ignorance, so I'm genuinely curious. I don't have representation so it's likely I'm totally out of the loop, but I recently convinced myself that I need to start writing spec scripts for shows in order to get anywhere without actually filming things myself. I'd really appreciate any insight you have about what the modern portfolio of working screenwriters actually looks like.
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Jun 2, 2014 05:00
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Smerdyakov posted:Can you say more about this? My own experience is pretty limited, but other than marginal festivals and contests which seem more like PR stunts than actual attempts to find new writers, I haven't seen many places asking for original scripts. Again, this could be based on my own relative ignorance, so I'm genuinely curious. I don't have representation so it's likely I'm totally out of the loop, but I recently convinced myself that I need to start writing spec scripts for shows in order to get anywhere without actually filming things myself. I'd really appreciate any insight you have about what the modern portfolio of working screenwriters actually looks like. I don't have much experience in what is actually being looked for, but I think an indication of the trend starting to change is that the Disney/ABC Writing Fellowship went from asking for two specs to asking for a spec and an original pilot.
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Jun 2, 2014 08:55
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Smerdyakov posted:Can you say more about this? My own experience is pretty limited, but other than marginal festivals and contests which seem more like PR stunts than actual attempts to find new writers, I haven't seen many places asking for original scripts. Again, this could be based on my own relative ignorance, so I'm genuinely curious. I don't have representation so it's likely I'm totally out of the loop, but I recently convinced myself that I need to start writing spec scripts for shows in order to get anywhere without actually filming things myself. I'd really appreciate any insight you have about what the modern portfolio of working screenwriters actually looks like. Sure. The working screenwriters I know all have portfolios that are almost exclusively originals. And the agents, managers, and showrunners I know prefer reading originals because they're busy, have a lot of reading to do, and would rather be entertained by something new and original than read about the same characters over and over again. Also most entry level writing positions are on new shows, not long running series (usually very little turnover, and if something opens up, they promote from within). On a new show, you're helping create the voice of the characters -- therefore, the people hiring are more interested in your ability to create characters than your ability to take a preexisting show's characters and mimic their voice. The ideal portfolio, IMO, is to have a handful of polished original pilots and a long document of show ideas. The finished pilots serve to show competency, and your list of show ideas is your bread and butter. You would never show anyone your list (except maybe manager or agent) but it's something you mentally bring with you to every meeting you ever get. If MTV wants to do a show about mermaids, they're not going to buy your pilot you already wrote about mermaids because one small thing you wrote doesn't quite jive with the version they have in mind. But if you have an idea for a mermaid show, they sure would love to buy your idea and develop it with you.
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Jun 2, 2014 18:59
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Zypher posted:Sure. The working screenwriters I know all have portfolios that are almost exclusively originals. And the agents, managers, and showrunners I know prefer reading originals because they're busy, have a lot of reading to do, and would rather be entertained by something new and original than read about the same characters over and over again. This is a Good Post and is basically a more succinct way of putting things I've been told recently by writers who have been getting TV meetings lately. I appreciate the insight into why showrunners would look more at original ideas. I have two pilot scripts that I've been polishing lately until they shine. And I have a couple "elevator pitches" for other series. Would you suggest I crack a third pilot or just cultivate more concepts?
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Jun 2, 2014 21:29
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