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spacing in vienna posted:Serious question: could this be some kind of paperwork error? Like, the administration accidentally graduated Benny when they weren't supposed to? It would fit the "I went to apply but they said I was graduated already." The Cal State system does a "Grad Check". You literally cannot graduate unless they itemize every class you have taken against your completed class list. It would have to be a colossal fuckup to allow someone to graduate without having the credentials. I mean, we are talking I have never even heard of it happening with numerous friends/extended family going to various schools in California in the Cal State system. They fuckup paperwork all the time, but loving up something where they could get more money out of you is approximately zero.
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Jun 3, 2014 18:46
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spacing in vienna posted:Serious question: could this be some kind of paperwork error? Like, the administration accidentally graduated Benny when they weren't supposed to? It would fit the "I went to apply but they said I was graduated already." Honestly, you have to ask yourself which is more likely: Administration hosed up entirely and graduated someone who wasn't supposed to graduate, or a known habitual liar is lying.
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Jun 3, 2014 18:52
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Benny, can you please go on a vision quest across the desert so we don't have to pay taxes to buy your dumb rear end comic books? Like for real, last month at my job, we got a lady with downs syndrome to agree to not pick her nose in public so that she could have a job at a Stop and Shop. She still has her job, Benny.
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Jun 3, 2014 18:55
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Just post the diploma Benny, I believe in you. But hold a sign with your username too.
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Jun 3, 2014 18:55
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Shoe on diploma
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Jun 3, 2014 18:56
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If it makes you feel any better, Benny, I know someone who flunked out of college and still makes six figures as a software engineer, and to this day, a decade later, his parents still don't know that he didn't graduate. People will make fun of you for it, but more because of the lying thing than anything else.
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Jun 3, 2014 18:57
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Eh, put me down on the 'Benny probably did graduate' side.
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Jun 3, 2014 18:59
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Pfirti86 posted:Eh, put me down on the 'Benny probably did graduate' side. "probably"
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Jun 3, 2014 19:00
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Rhonyn Peacemaker posted:"probably" "Did Benny the Snake graduate from college in 1990"
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Jun 3, 2014 19:01
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When did he say he graduated?
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Jun 3, 2014 19:13
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I'm proud to announce that Benny will almost certainly not reply to this line of inquiry.
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Jun 3, 2014 19:36
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4th Asclepiadean posted:I'm proud to announce that Benny will almost certainly not reply to this line of inquiry. I really love how everyone points out how that phrase was incredibly stupid to have on a cover letter yet he decided to focus his editing efforts on an almost irrelevant fix (to be fair, it's a cover letter and therefore almost entirely irrelevant but whatever).
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Jun 3, 2014 19:45
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Benny the Snake posted:I passed the GWT. As for the senior project, funny story. I can't remember whether it was the year I declared my major (which was the first) or if it was the year I switched my emphasis from education to lit based on a misunderstanding (long story). To make a long story short, one of those two years made me exempt from the senior project. So no, I don't have a senior thesis. Which was good because Lord knows what I would've done and how big of an embarrassment it would've been. Benny please write out this long story, it seems like it could be really interesting.
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Jun 3, 2014 19:49
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It's actually very common to just push people through. All those check lists and poo poo? It's not binding. Everything can be overwritten. I'm not saying Benny isn't lying again. I'm just saying that the university just washing their hands of him with graduation isn't impossible. It isn't even unlikely.
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Jun 3, 2014 20:11
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Benny, when I was in college, I easily did a resume and cover letter as a class assignment AT LEAST 6 times. EVERY class remotely related to business or writing made me do one, and one professor made me go in on his office hours for critiqing. How many times did they make you do this? If you are in fact an alumni, they should have services available either for free or a nominal fee that allow you to have your things reviewed. Have you used them? For your cover letter, use a point/evidence/analysis format.simply state: Dear (name if you can get it, hiring manager if you can't), Attached is my resume for (position) that I found on (website/newspaper) on (date). With my skills in _, I feel I would be a good fit for this position. Paragraph explaining why. If you can't explain why, it's not a job for you. I look forward to having a chance to speak with you further. You can reach me at (phone#/email address). Thank you in advance for your time and consideration. It's also better not to call than call too much. Honestly, though, you'd be better off cashiering at a gas station or Wal-Mart or something like that. Do something mindless and repetitive, hold the job for atleast a year without getting fired, then you can try to move up.
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Jun 3, 2014 20:22
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The problem with mindless and repetitive is they want people that can do that faster than a snail's pace. Benny has said he's fat and slow, and sits around yawning. He couldn't hack it more than a day at a warehouse stuffing things into boxes because he was so slow. so he lacks the physical ability to be a highly-skilled worker, and the mental wherewithal to be a highly-educated worker. He doesn't follow directions (thinking he knows better), doesn't work well with others (tells them he'll cover their shift and then fucks them over), is not reliable (calls out sick/hungover/schedules dental appointments in the middle of his shifts), and loses his employers money. So tell me, people who say he just needs to bootstrap, what jobs are there for somebody with no skills, doesn't need anything to be "done", where he can show up if he feels like it, be totally unsupervised, and money isn't an object? Benny, if you feel like that picture doesn't accurately portray who you are... it does at far as this thread is concerned. That's how you look to other people. You might want to think about that.
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Jun 3, 2014 20:30
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crabrock posted:The problem with mindless and repetitive is they want people that can do that faster than a snail's pace. Benny has said he's fat and slow, and sits around yawning. He couldn't hack it more than a day at a warehouse stuffing things into boxes because he was so slow. It's really loving hard to draw the line between just a lazy piece of poo poo that refuses to take advice and learn and someone with legitimate mental illness preventing them from working when your only interaction with them is over a message board. If Benny is the former he absolutely does not deserve disability.
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Jun 3, 2014 20:35
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crabrock posted:So tell me, people who say he just needs to bootstrap, what jobs are there for somebody with no skills, doesn't need anything to be "done", where he can show up if he feels like it, be totally unsupervised, and money isn't an object? Canadian Senator? Of course he'd have to be appointed by the Prime Minister - just send him your yet-to-be-published Thunderdome anthology, Benny.
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Jun 3, 2014 20:38
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nerve posted:It's really loving hard to draw the line between just a lazy piece of poo poo that refuses to take advice and learn and someone with legitimate mental illness Assuming that he's not lying, I take anything with a "psychotic" label by a psychiatrist to be pretty damning. Maybe I'm biased because I have a psych BA/MA and am working on a Neuroscience PhD in the field of stress disorders, but there are many, many things he needs to fix with his brain besides just "doing more work." Again, assuming he's not lying, he sent out tons of resumes and applications. They were probably all that "proud to announce" stuff. His problem isn't TRYING or doing work, it's that he's doing the completely wrong things despite having access to tons of resources, because of his fundamental ability to understand his own abilities and prospects. Then, when he does get a job, his broken brain causes him to do stuff that seems literally insane to a normal person, and he gets fired. He is lazy, yes, but laziness isn't the thing keeping him from getting/keeping a job. I know LOTS of lazy people (myself included) that succeed.
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Jun 3, 2014 20:47
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crabrock posted:So tell me, people who say he just needs to bootstrap, what jobs are there for somebody with no skills, doesn't need anything to be "done", where he can show up if he feels like it, be totally unsupervised, and money isn't an object? He could work for the TSA.
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Jun 3, 2014 20:50
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afterhours posted:He could work for the TSA. Regardless of how low the bar is to be a TSA agent do you really want the deaths of tens or hundreds of travelers on your conscience when he fucks up and allows a bomb through the security checkpoint he's manning? Its almost like he needs to find a job where his predilection for loving things up is an applicable skill.
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Jun 3, 2014 20:57
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Geoj posted:Regardless of how low the bar is to be a TSA agent do you really want the deaths of tens or hundreds of travelers on your conscience when he fucks up and allows a bomb through the security checkpoint he's manning? Maybe doing something or maybe not doing something does not constitute a job. That constitutes not a job. Ergo, SSI.
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Jun 3, 2014 21:01
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Geoj posted:Regardless of how low the bar is to be a TSA agent do you really want the deaths of tens or hundreds of travelers on your conscience when he fucks up and allows a bomb through the security checkpoint he's manning? Software tester. gently caress all this bullshit about regression testing, unit testing etc, what you want is the dumbest fucker on the planet breaking your code so you can account for users.
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Jun 3, 2014 21:04
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right. that'd be great, when he bothered to show up. you'd ask him for an explanation of what he did wrong and he'd give you a bunch of lies because he thought they sounded better, then when pressed he'd "come clean" and admit he made it up and the code worked fine. By this time three weeks have gone by and you've missed your launch date.
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Jun 3, 2014 21:09
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Dex posted:Software tester. gently caress all this bullshit about regression testing, unit testing etc, what you want is the dumbest fucker on the planet breaking your code so you can account for users. gently caress that, the literal last thing I need as a developer is a Benny saying "It's broken", being unable to reproduce it under any circumstances, and then 4 hours later I find out it's because he forgot his password but didn't want to tell anyone.
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Jun 3, 2014 21:09
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Sucks for you dudes who don't bill by Agile cycles I guess. Ok, new reachable goal, moving target at a driving range. Or shooting range, whatever.
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Jun 3, 2014 21:19
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crabrock posted:So tell me, people who say he just needs to bootstrap, what jobs are there for somebody with no skills, doesn't need anything to be "done", where he can show up if he feels like it, be totally unsupervised, and money isn't an object? Library volunteer. 
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Jun 3, 2014 21:22
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Benny, before you abandon this thread again can you let us know if you graduated or not? Thanks.
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Jun 3, 2014 21:29
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Dex posted:Sucks for you dudes who don't bill by Agile cycles I guess. Wrong thread. Go Benny go Dex threw me off Burt Sexual fucked around with this message at 21:33 on Jun 3, 2014 |
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Jun 3, 2014 21:31
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Dex posted:Sucks for you dudes who don't bill by Agile cycles I guess. I didn't say that I don't get paid, but they don't pay me overtime for wasting time with morons and it's hell on my blood pressure
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Jun 3, 2014 21:35
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crabrock posted:Assuming that he's not lying, I take anything with a "psychotic" label by a psychiatrist to be pretty damning. Maybe I'm biased because I have a psych BA/MA and am working on a Neuroscience PhD in the field of stress disorders, but there are many, many things he needs to fix with his brain besides just "doing more work." Again, assuming he's not lying, he sent out tons of resumes and applications. They were probably all that "proud to announce" stuff. His problem isn't TRYING or doing work, it's that he's doing the completely wrong things despite having access to tons of resources, because of his fundamental ability to understand his own abilities and prospects. Then, when he does get a job, his broken brain causes him to do stuff that seems literally insane to a normal person, and he gets fired. He is lazy, yes, but laziness isn't the thing keeping him from getting/keeping a job. I know LOTS of lazy people (myself included) that succeed. Do you know much about how childhood enculturation affects adult cognition? I can't help but wonder if this could all be attributed to profoundly anti-intellectual upbringing. Intelligence has a sizable developmental component, right?
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Jun 3, 2014 22:05
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Accretionist posted:Do you know much about how childhood enculturation affects adult cognition? I can't help but wonder if this could all be attributed to profoundly anti-intellectual upbringing. Intelligence has a sizable developmental component, right? Not particularly, but I study epigenetics, which is showing that poo poo that your grandparents did affects the expression of your genes and modifies your behavior. We know Benny has had, at times, a rough home life, and a stressful childhood is predisposes you to a shitload of disorders, including *gasp* depression!
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Jun 3, 2014 22:19
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"I am proud to announce that I, Benny the Snake, am applying for the position of Assistant Dishwasher at Stu's Stroganoff Shack. Please hold your applause at this time." I intend no disrespect to state workers. I've known quite a few in my day, some of them relatives. I understand how thankless the job can be, particularly in today's political and economic climate. I'm well aware of how unfairly maligned many hard-working state employees are and I hesitate to perpetuate an unfair stereotype about their caliber. But Benny, you need to start taking civil service exams and trying to get on the state payroll. It won't be fast, but you aren't in any hurry. The wheels of bureaucracy turn slowly, but they do turn. You need to start the process now. Your typing skills are more than adequate for California requirements. The pay will not be good, but you've established that you are not averse to minimum wage. Most importantly, once you get in, state jobs are difficult to lose by incompetence alone. The private sector is not going to tolerate you as you are now, Benny. Low level managers putting in 60 hours at a McDonald's don't have time to handhold you through making a Big Mac for the 14th time, particularly since their rear end is on the line if they do. The state is your only shot.
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Jun 3, 2014 22:38
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Everyone ragging on people for calling Benny lazy, chew on this for a while. I was also diagnosed with severe depression and a learning disability and I wasn't on medication to treat it for years yet I managed to get and hold multiple jobs until I was able to afford my doctor's visits and prescriptions. Benny is a lazy sack of poo poo whose failures are no one's fault but his own. Benny going on disability is like spitting in the face of everyone who legitimately uses it to get by. Benny going on disability is the reason why people think people on welfare/government assistance are just lazy.
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Jun 3, 2014 23:50
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crabrock posted:So tell me, people who say he just needs to bootstrap, what jobs are there for somebody with no skills, doesn't need anything to be "done", where he can show up if he feels like it, be totally unsupervised, and money isn't an object? cname posted:Library volunteer.  The system works.
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Jun 4, 2014 00:08
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Benny would be Employee of the Month at the USPS.
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Jun 4, 2014 00:10
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Anne Whateley posted:Benny would be Employee of the Month at the USPS. He'd never make it a whole month
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Jun 4, 2014 00:50
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Anne Whateley posted:Benny would be Employee of the Month at the USPS. Nah, Ontrac.
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Jun 4, 2014 01:46
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Zedd posted:I had to do mandatory internship 13 months while psychically limited I hope your ESP is all better now?
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Jun 4, 2014 03:28
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oval office raja posted:As someone with multiple mental health issues that people often view as 'laziness' and 'being weak-willed' and other dumb poo poo, you are terrible and your opinions are terrible. Are you Benny's brother?
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Jun 4, 2014 03:41
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