shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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ReidRansom: Oct 25, 2004

Fortunately, even if it doesn't work it's still appropriate.

# ? Jun 4, 2014 08:09

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# ? May 27, 2024 15:47

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

effervescible posted:

Car sales commissions don't even work that way, do they? The commission comes from the dealership, it's not even a comparable thing that makes sense for the . Not that this is a thing that happened.

Also, going back to crazy Amy Lee for a minute, I know the real answer is "because crazy," but I'd really like to hear her explain why she thinks naming is so important. Like, she claims she came up with stage names even for bands/singers/whatever whose songs she doesn't claim to have written.

I'd like to hear explanations for how she worked with so many major artists when she was in kindergarten.

Also, I thought naming and sorting were signs of schizophrenia?

# ? Jun 4, 2014 08:13

Bad Roy: Jan 29, 2008; Animals are like humans, always being dicks.

Khazar-khum posted:

I'd like to hear explanations for how she worked with so many major artists when she was in kindergarten.

Also, I thought naming and sorting were signs of schizophrenia?

She repeatedly insists that anything she 'wrote' or 'named' that existed prior to 1983 DIDN'T actually exist prior to 1983 and we have all been taken in by a terrible conspiracy.

# ? Jun 4, 2014 08:21

Vindolanda: Feb 13, 2012; It's just like him too, y'know?

"NotAlwaysRight" posted:

(Though English is my native tongue, I�m also fluent in several other languages and sometimes get my words mixed up. I�m moving out of my flat and I need to find a new tenant to take over my room. This exchange happens when I try to tell the landlord about my progress.)

Me: �So, I advertised the room online and I got loads of responses!�

Landlord: �Oh wow! Good job.�

Me: �Thanks! Some of them weren�t good matches though, so I had to exterminate them.�

Landlord: �� What?�

Me: �Wait, no! I mean eliminate! You know, cross them off the list!�

(I�m pretty sure he thinks I�m a murderer now�)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRfRaSSjsa0

# ? Jun 4, 2014 12:52

Thin Privilege: Jul 8, 2009; IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT; Gravy Boat 2k

How in the holy gently caress does knowing other languages make you mix up words in English? When I read the first paragraph I assumed they would say something like "oh hi I really need to get my coche from the garage." This сказка is mierda.

E: and :lol:

at "fluent in several other languages." I'm guessing Japanese learned through anime.

Thin Privilege has a new favorite as of 15:22 on Jun 4, 2014

# ? Jun 4, 2014 15:19

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

JoeyJoJoJr Shabadoo posted:

How in the holy gently caress does knowing other languages make you mix up words in English? When I read the first paragraph I assumed they would say something like "oh hi I really need to get my coche from the garage." This сказка is mierda.

E: and at "fluent in several other languages." I'm guessing Japanese learned through anime.

Nah, I'm multilingual and it's not unusual for me to forget a word in my native language and use bad translation instead. A pretty common thing if you have to switch between languages a lot. The story itself is pretty dull, though. He should have made the police involved or something.

# ? Jun 4, 2014 17:04

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

Yeah if I'm not thinking in the language I'm speaking, I'll use words from the wrong language, weird phrasing or similar-sounding words. In some cases, that includes words that have completely different meanings depending on language... For example, I've used "D�sagr�ment" when I meant "disagreement", the French word means "an unpleasant thing", whereas the English word means, well, a disagreement.

That said, it doesn't take that long to switch languages, unless you have to switch back and forth constantly, so the story... Well it's lame and it probably didn't happen, because that's the kind of things you don't even remember at the end of the day. I don't know how interpreters do it, honestly.

# ? Jun 4, 2014 17:09

Thin Privilege: Jul 8, 2009; IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT; Gravy Boat 2k

That makes sense. I guess maybe because I'm usually doing Russian/English I don't have that issue because they're not exactly similar :ussr:

Actually I just remembered in AP Spanish class way back everyone would say "yo estoy embarazada" which was hilarious.

# ? Jun 4, 2014 17:39

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

That landlord story could be like three lines long and still get the point across. Why are all of these stories so long? Do you really need 3 paragraphs of backstory for your totally sick ice burn?

# ? Jun 4, 2014 19:08

color: Feb 5, 2007; I will spell the name,
"W-I-L-F-O-R-K"
Remember it.

Please, please, if ANYONE has either a link to the Angry Bee Dance Helldump thread or just a saved .txt of the thread or even just a .txt of Deek's posts from that thread, post it here.

# ? Jun 4, 2014 19:45

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

color posted:

Please, please, if ANYONE has either a link to the Angry Bee Dance Helldump thread or just a saved .txt of the thread or even just a .txt of Deek's posts from that thread, post it here.

Looks like search and archives are both down, unfortunately, but I'm looking for ti as soon as they come back up.

# ? Jun 5, 2014 05:02

shut up blegum: Dec 17, 2008; --->Plastic Lawn<---

Just discovered the source of a common STDH.txt story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yVMik5Mfwk

It's a Portugese "commercial" from 1998, celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Convention for the Protection of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms.

# ? Jun 5, 2014 07:46

ibntumart: Mar 18, 2007; Good, bad. I'm the one with the power of Shu, Heru, Amon, Zehuti, Aton, and Mehen.; College Slice

Poor heterosexual dudes sure do seem to have to worry about inadvertent gay attention in STDH Land:

Why go to Walmart when you have scissors and someone else's clothes? posted:

I've been unemployed for several months and it's been almost impossible to find work. Today, I had a job interview that I'd been trying to arrange for the past six weeks.

I woke up to prepare and everything started off great, I was in a good mood and felt ready to take on the world... and that's about when I realized that all of our pipes backed up and my clothes (for the interview) were in the washer... totally covered in disgusting black water, literally ruined.

I didn't have much time before the interview so I had to improvise. This involved finding clothing items belonging to my wife that seemed like something I might normally wear, but also something that was professional enough for my interview.

I'm 6'4" and she's about 5'6" so this was nearly impossible, but I made it work. I cut the legs off a bigger pair of jeans she had, making them into shorts. I found a baggy flannel shirt, cut off the sleeves, making a vest. That, combine with my work boots, I was ready to go (it's construction after all).

Here's the twist... I got the job! But I fear, not for the right reasons.

You see, my boss (the same guy that interviewed me) is apparently gay. He assumed when I showed up in tight jean shorts and a tight flannel homemade vest, that I too was gay. I had to smile and play along because I needed the job, but now I just feel awkward.

He was staring at me asking questions that were totally unrelated to the job. Instead, I was asked things like:
"How long have you been working out?" "How hard will you work for me?" (asked in such a creepy way) "How long can a guy like you go before he's too tired." (didn't even know how to answer that under the circumstances)

TLDR: I got a job after wearing my wife's clothes because my new boss is gay and thinks I'm cute (and gay).

I didn't know there was a Bachelor Party remake posted:

There's a dude in my senior class who is openly gay, and he's a cross-dresser. He has all kinds of posts all over FB of him dressed as a girl with make up and all that. He actually looks pretty good as a girl, which is I guess was the problem.
Fast forward to the party last night... Lots of folks there, lots of drinking, lots of sex. I get shitfaced. Bump and grind with some chicks. One chick comes out of nowhere, grabs my hand, takes me to the bathroom. Drops my pants and gives me literally the best BJ of my life. I finish in her mouth and she slowly licks my shaft clean. It was awesome.

I reach out to stroke her hair. Her hair moves in a strange way. Holy gently caress it's a wig. S/he looks up and asks, "Did you like it?" It was the cross-dressing dude. Holy gently caress. Oh my god.

I just nodded and walked out of there. Now I'm confused. It was a dude. But goddamn he makes a good-looking chick. What the gently caress.

Pro-tip: always check the girl for beans and franks before you let her blow you.

These are both from the same forum on Reddit. I'm surprised there wasn't someone trying to pass this article off as a true story, too.

# ? Jun 5, 2014 08:03

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

Mail call.

quote:

Mail Order Disorder
APARTMENT COMPLEX | NY, USA | BAD BEHAVIOR, BIZARRE, THEME OF THE MONTH
(I live in an apartment complex that mainly serves as a home for elderly and handicapped residents. One afternoon, I am expecting a check to come in the mail, and I need to cash it before the bank down the street closes at 4 pm. The mail lady doesn�t arrive until 3:45. There is a crowd of people waiting for their mail, and we are all watching her load the 50-or-so mailboxes in anticipation. As soon as she put my mail into my mailbox, I approached it to grab the check, since it was almost 3:50.)

Mail Lady: �I�m so sorry, but for policy reasons at this complex, you�re going to have to wait until I finish with all of the mail. I�m not allowed to let people grab their mail until it�s all in.�

Me: �Oh. I�m sorry. I didn�t realize I had to wait for everyone�s mail to be put into their individual mailboxes. I just really need to get my check, but I�ll wait.�

Mail Lady: *very friendly and understanding* �No worries. It�s all right. Most people at this complex make that mistake at least once, and try to get their mail before I�m finished. I�ll try to finish up as quick as I can so you can get your check.�

Me: �Okay. Thanks!�

(I walked back to the group of waiting people. Suddenly, one of the old ladies behind me tapped me hard on the shoulder. Very hard. I turned around to look at her.)

Old Lady: *angry tone* �Hey! She said you can�t have your mail yet!�

Me: �Oh, I understand. I didn�t realize I had to wait until it was all in. That�s why I came back to the group here to wait.�

Old Lady: *becoming even more angry* �Don�t you talk back to me! You need to wait your turn!�

Me: �But� I AM waiting. I�m standing right here with everyone else, waiting.�

Old Lady: *almost screaming at me* �A brat is what you are! You NEED to WAIT YOUR TURN!�

Me: �Oh, for the love of god, I AM WAITING! I just made a small mistake. But I�m waiting now. Leave me alone.�

(At this point, I turned and looked away from her, figuring I�d ignore her.)

Old Lady: *almost going into a panic* �You shouldn�t get your mail because you won�t wait your turn! JUST WAIT WITH THE REST OF US!�

(She continues ranting about how I �don�t deserve� my mail, how �rude� and �thoughtless� I am, etc. Finally, the mail-lady turned and looked at her.)

Mail Lady: �Ma�am. Shut your d*** mouth and leave the poor guy alone! He didn�t do anything wrong, and he�s already CLEARLY waiting! If you don�t stop, I won�t give you your mail! You�re just a rude old bat, aren�t you?!�

(The lady finally took the hint and left me alone. Thanks for dealing with her for me, mail lady!)

# ? Jun 5, 2014 08:26

shut up blegum: Dec 17, 2008; --->Plastic Lawn<---

How loving uneventful is your life if you're literally waiting for your mail. :psyduck:

# ? Jun 5, 2014 09:12

Caufman: May 7, 2007

It sounds nice.

I'm just literally waiting for death.

# ? Jun 5, 2014 09:24

Necrothatcher: Mar 26, 2005

Thank god the mail lady was there to save him.

# ? Jun 5, 2014 10:00

Tracula: Mar 26, 2010; PLEASE LEAVE

# ? Jun 5, 2014 11:19

sharktamer: Oct 30, 2011; Shark tamer ridiculous

Where's the pun I'm missing in sTori and why can't the original poster BREATHE?

# ? Jun 5, 2014 12:52

ibntumart: Mar 18, 2007; Good, bad. I'm the one with the power of Shu, Heru, Amon, Zehuti, Aton, and Mehen.; College Slice

If you make the mistake of going to the spicy-vagina-tacos Tumblr quoted, you'll see her bio reads "my names tori & i like chicken." You'll also see a shitload of stupid GIFs, selfies, memes, and an annoying animated background.

# ? Jun 5, 2014 12:58

Noyemi K: Dec 9, 2012; youll always be so sleepy when youre this tiny *plompf*

ibntumart posted:

If you make the mistake of going to the spicy-vagina-tacos Tumblr quoted, you'll see her bio reads "my names tori & i like chicken." You'll also see a shitload of stupid GIFs, selfies, memes, and an annoying animated background.

So basically any tumblr then.

# ? Jun 5, 2014 14:00

sharktamer: Oct 30, 2011; Shark tamer ridiculous

Oh, I was hoping she was actually suffocating.

# ? Jun 5, 2014 14:47

silencekit: May 1, 2014

color posted:

Please, please, if ANYONE has either a link to the Angry Bee Dance Helldump thread or just a saved .txt of the thread or even just a .txt of Deek's posts from that thread, post it here.

Yeah, seconding this. My single favorite collection of ice-burn flavored shits that didn't happen of all time.

# ? Jun 6, 2014 16:25

TERRIBLE SHITLORD: Oct 20, 2005; MY NIGGA HAVE
YOU TRIED LSD

STDH is actually making the news these days.

# ? Jun 6, 2014 17:17

Evelyn Nesbit: Jul 8, 2012

sharktamer posted:

Where's the pun I'm missing in sTori and why can't the original poster BREATHE?

I assumed it was a reference to Tori Spelling's autobiography, sTORI TELLING. That's a thing that tumblr kids are into, right? Tori Spelling?

# ? Jun 6, 2014 18:15

color: Feb 5, 2007; I will spell the name,
"W-I-L-F-O-R-K"
Remember it.

Here is the link to the archived thread:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3106702

Here is my favorite selection from thread:

Deek posted:

I unhooked her bra strap by blowing a torrent of cigarette smoke in just the right direction at her back as she sat awake on the bed. As the clasp and cups fell toward her supermodel pussy I inhaled again, coolly admiring my smokesmanship.

"That was... impressive" she said, breathlessly.

"I know I said," whilst hopping to the front of the bed to admire the oval office soaked sheetwork our housekeeping staff had done. Perfectly measured corners, a nice laundered scent and a 6" inseam bend where the sheets folded over the comforter. "Well done Lupe" I thought in my head as I unsheathed my illustrious boner from its holding cell.

"wow," she said, "Is that all of it?"

"No it's not" I said with an eloquent smile as I pulled my tumescent hog from within my body out into the open like a retracting antenna with the flexible ability of pipe cleaner. Super heros have super weinors, you know, I winked through the fourth wall.

I slipped my sizeable wizard staff into her vagina and immediately cast the orgasm spell. Her vagina palpitated with the hateful scrunch of a jammed up lawnmower. I was only six orgasms deep into my session whenst all of a sudden a brick got thrown throuh the window. "gently caress," I thought as I came again but then I noticed the brick and said "gently caress" because that window would have to be replaced.

Attached to the brick was a note which said "I have the CEO and CFO of Comfort Inn LLC. Come get me if you dare Agent 420."

I knew what I had to do. I kissed my lady goodbye between her legs thus granting her a bakers dozen orgasms then once on the lips so she could taste her ditch musk.

"Will I ever see you agian," she said womanly on the bed. "This hotel is no vacancy babe" I answered as I lowered my shades and did a superman 720 scatterkick out the window and into the unforgiving dusk.

# ? Jun 6, 2014 18:21

ibntumart: Mar 18, 2007; Good, bad. I'm the one with the power of Shu, Heru, Amon, Zehuti, Aton, and Mehen.; College Slice

Catpiss Neverclean posted:

STDH is actually making the news these days.

The article leaves out that "ManichestBreastiny" didn't just bellow, she used a demon's voice to summon forth the unholy brown curse upon her harasser. Because, you see, she practices pants-making GBS threads scary voices just for fun. This is the original post in case anyone's curious:

Tell Me More, Person Who Registered The Same Day Of Posting This Story posted:

I was walking out of the AMC Loews theater on Boston Common at about 9pm on a Friday night. I live in Cambridge, and the other movie-goers I was with were going in the other direction, leaving me on my own. The entrance to the Red Line T stop (subway) is across the street and down the block from the theater, so I was only outside for about two minutes before this happened, still well within view of dozens of people.

A man that looked to be at least fifteen years older than myself who was walking near me in the same direction took an extra step to catch up to me and put his arm around my shoulder and grabbed my breast, and said "Hey".
I'm small. I'm blonde. I wear t-shirts, jeans and old sneakers. I practice monstrous voices as a hobby. One of these things came out to my advantage.

I pushed him off me, and in my most threatening bellow yelled, "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME?" Please see the Vocaroo link for a low-quality replicated voice clip that I only wish could be as good as my fear-inspired ourburst: Link to Clip

The guy froze, his mouth open and face in total shock. I knew I caught him by surprise. It took me a few seconds, between him standing funny and the smell to realize that he crapped in his pants.

I looked around, and saw a few other people staring, probably because I had just yelled at someone in a park, and made an awkward walk away from the guy. I was shaken from being grabbed, and got to the Park Street station as fast as I could walk.
This was not the first time I was groped, and it will likely not be the last. I can only hope that this one man will have felt some sort of primal fear, and will never touch a person without their permission again.

Also, if anyone cares, I was coming out of seeing Muppets: Most Wanted. I loving love the Muppets.

tl;dr Guy grabbed my chest, I yelled real spooky-like, he pooped.

I mean, this is all believable up to the part where anyone but her considers her weird hobby of dumb voices scary, much less brown note capable.

# ? Jun 6, 2014 20:54

MAKE NO BABBYS: Jan 28, 2010

You cannot be forced to share tips with BOH, but many restaurants have policies where servers tip support staff, ie: hostess, food runner, busser, bartender, somm based on percentages of food or drink sales, not percentages of their tips. It's possible to lose money (for the day) on a shift if they have a series of bad tippers. In a situation like this, the manager almost certainly would have relaxed that policy in the face of said bullshit speech from car lot guy.

Also, there's no loving way some restaurant in bumfuck nowhere has 5+ of legit Chateau Margaux premier cru just hanging around to sell one table of evangelical Christians. Unlikely they would have drank at all, let alone that much. STDH from top to bottom.

MAKE NO BABBYS has a new favorite as of 21:35 on Jun 6, 2014

# ? Jun 6, 2014 21:13

jodai: Mar 2, 2010; Banging with all due hardness.

ibntumart posted:

The article leaves out that "ManichestBreastiny" didn't just bellow, she used a demon's voice to summon forth the unholy brown curse upon her harasser. Because, you see, she practices pants-making GBS threads scary voices just for fun. This is the original post in case anyone's curious:

I mean, this is all believable up to the part where anyone but her considers her weird hobby of dumb voices scary, much less brown note capable.

This is one of those ones I hope is real but not for the reason she thinks. Some dude is just blackout drunk and stumbles into this girl and says "Hey" then shits himself because he's so hosed up but the girl is like "I must use my power for good...".

# ? Jun 7, 2014 01:33

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Reddit is a shithole.

quote:

Cashier, checker, scan jockey. That's my job at Grocery Store Chain. First, because it's important to the story: I am a stubborn person who insists on having an unnatural hair color. It's pink. Yes, yes, it is weird and you can look at me funny all you want, but it's what I wanted. Fortunately, the store I work at has no policy against unnatural colors. The only thing you can't have is a visible tattoo.
Bible Gal is a young woman, probably in her early to mid 30s. She comes through my lane, notices my hair and bends down to tell her daughter: "It's okay honey, we'll be out of the satan lady's line soon." Daughter was like 4 years old and didn't care. I pipe in and say, "Is everything alright, ma'am?"
"Your hair is satanic."
At this point I am flabbergasted by what I've just heard. Maybe if the color was red, since Satan is red (right?), but it's pink. Someone should have informed me of Satan's fabulousness sooner.
"I don't understand, miss," I respond.
"Stop talking to me and get me your manager! I don't want any of your voodoo or curses! I'm a single mother and I have given my life to the Holy Spirit!"
She then grabs her cross necklace and holds it up to me, as if that would banish me back to the underworld, or something. I get her Joe Notarealname, my manager.
"Hi, I'm Joe, the on-duty manager. What can I help you with, ma'am?" says he.
"Are you aware that you hired a practicing satanist? Are you aware that this offends me and my daughter?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am? Larissa Pseudonym here is one of our best workers. I don't think what she does outside of work matters."
To clarify, I am not a satanist. I consider myself an atheist.
"Well then this entire store is going straight to hell. I hope this business goes belly up. I will certainly be voting with MY dollars," replies wacko bird.
Then she leaves without buying her things, and we're all left putting back the things in her huge grocery cart...

quote:

I saw another thread on here earlier about customers assuming retail workers are stupid or unintelligent because of the field we work in and it reminded me of something that happened a few years ago when I was working in my senior year of high school.
I was working at a local chain bakery in a fairly upscale neighbourhood one Saturday when this happened. For some backstory, in our store our manager always told us to ask a lot of questions when people just asked for "bread" because otherwise customers had a habit of returning later and complaining/trying to score free stuff. I'm not talking a lot of questions either, it was literally stuff like "seeds or no seeds, brown or white bread, thick or thin slice?" and we always moved and worked while talking so we could provide fast service.
One day I was working alone and this guy came in, clearly in a massive hurry. He was the only customer so I was doing my best to be courteous and get his items bagged up quickly for him, asking the usual questions when he looks up and snaps at me. "Are you loving stupid or something? I just want a loaf of bread. You'd better work on your customer service skills because it looks like you'll be in sales for the rest of your life." At this point I'm kind of in shock because I was honestly just going through the usual routine and trying to work quickly for him and no one had ever said anything like that to me at work before. Never mind the fact that I had good results in school and was on track to law school, I was totally stumped about what to say to him, whether to defend myself or just take it. That's when this voice pipes up from over the man's shoulder. It's my English teacher and he says "Actually, this cashier is a student of mine and in the top 5% of her grade, you absolute dick." The man looks flabbergasted, slaps his money down on the counter and stalks off with his loaf of bread. I just looked at my English teacher and he smiled, apologised for swearing and kept walking with his coffee.

# ? Jun 7, 2014 05:13

Rudager: Apr 29, 2008

PUGGERNAUT posted:

Reddit is a shithole.

What the hell is happening in the second one, only customer in the store then the teacher randomly appears and then just walks out again?

# ? Jun 7, 2014 05:41

ibntumart: Mar 18, 2007; Good, bad. I'm the one with the power of Shu, Heru, Amon, Zehuti, Aton, and Mehen.; College Slice

I'm used to bakeries having loaves either out on racks or behind glass, so you can either just get the loaf yourself or point to what you want. And yeah, sudden English teacher is weird, especially since he apparently didn't want any bread. Nope, he just likes to come into the bakery, hide behind shelves, deliver a sick burn, and then idly walk around with a mug of coffee.

# ? Jun 7, 2014 06:06

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

Are there still people who get flustered by pink hair in 2014?

# ? Jun 7, 2014 06:10

Pookah: Aug 21, 2008; 🪶Caw🪶

FrozenVent posted:

Are there still people who get flustered by pink hair in 2014?

Depends on which brand you use.

# ? Jun 7, 2014 09:22

Bad Roy: Jan 29, 2008; Animals are like humans, always being dicks.

FrozenVent posted:

Are there still people who get flustered by pink hair in 2014?

Mostly they just try and touch it. Or ask if it's a wig. I was never accused of Satanism.

# ? Jun 7, 2014 10:35

Noyemi K: Dec 9, 2012; youll always be so sleepy when youre this tiny *plompf*

Rudager posted:

What the hell is happening in the second one, only customer in the store then the teacher randomly appears and then just walks out again?

Well somebody needed to reinforce how smart the author is, it wasn't gonna do itself :smugbert:

# ? Jun 7, 2014 10:59

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

PUGGERNAUT posted:

Reddit is a shithole.

I am ~flabbergasted~

# ? Jun 7, 2014 11:00

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Paladinus posted:

I am ~flabbergasted~

I know, I saw it and both stories and my cheeks turned red, I ran out of the bedroom in a hurry without saying another word.

Also unf, I wish bleach didn't destroy my hair because I am so into the above pastel pink, purple and teal pastel hair look so nice too.

# ? Jun 7, 2014 12:24

Bad Roy: Jan 29, 2008; Animals are like humans, always being dicks.

Toriori posted:

I know, I saw it and both stories and my cheeks turned red, I ran out of the bedroom in a hurry without saying another word.

Also unf, I wish bleach didn't destroy my hair because I am so into the above pastel pink, purple and teal pastel hair look so nice too.

Admittedly my hair seems to have grown used to being dyed over the last 13 years, but bleach is gonna damage any hair to some extent. Good conditioner, hot oil treatments and getting a professional to do it all help. Totally worth it, too - I miss my various pastel hair colours.

# ? Jun 7, 2014 17:35

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 27, 2024 15:47

SybilVimes: Oct 29, 2011

Toriori posted:

I know, I saw it and both stories and my cheeks turned red, I ran out of the bedroom in a hurry without saying another word.

Also unf, I wish bleach didn't destroy my hair because I am so into the above pastel pink, purple and teal pastel hair look so nice too.

The dye I use (Crazy Color*) is basically conditioner + dye that you leave in for 30 minutes, so I find that while the bleach portion ruins my hair, the dye portion takes it back to perfectly healthy.

* We actually cut it 5:1:3 Candy Floss Pink, Pinkissimo, cheap conditioner otherwise it's too purpley pink

# ? Jun 7, 2014 18:20

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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