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Winds posted:But my major concern is that not everything might be attributable to ADHD. I read a lot about not finishing projects, not being able to keep focus, etc. which are all things he has. But he also has a lot of other issues that I cannot cope with that I am not sure have anything to do with ADHD. For instance, he will constantly get very upset whenever I forget something, and he will constantly keep reminding me that "He told me so" and cannot comprehend why I would forget it, almost as if I did it to spite him. It might very well be that the next day he will forget a similar thing, and if I then confront him with it, he will get completely defensive and refuse to see any similarity. Another example is that he will ask me to do something (ie.: "Grab that thing for me"), but be completely vague it, and when I ask for clarification (ie.:"What thing?"), he could very well just flip out to me ("That thing! That thing! I'm pointing right at it! The one with the red handle! What ELSE would I be needing right now?!") and later on he will casually tell me that he did not behave abnormally at all and in fact doesn't understand why I am upset, because 'all' he did was ask if I would hand him the screwdriver. I just can't for the life of me decide wether this has anything to do with ADHD, or if he's just a real rear end in a top hat, or if he's an rear end in a top hat BECAUSE he has had untreated ADHD all his life. Ok, first off: I don't have quite the issue with spending that he seems to, but all this stuff? Yeah, that's textbook ADHD. The thing is medication won't fix it, but with medication and therapy (and meditation) it is possible to develop mechanisms of dealing with this. See, I get pissed off at nothing all the time. I yell at my gf when she doesn't grab the thing at the grocery store I asked her to, and I totally do the "but I told you so!" thing, too. Sometimes I say mean poo poo because I get so upset about my inability to manage my ADHD. Here's where we diverge, though: I've spend enough time analyzing my life and my actions that I usually realize that I am being a dick or just irrational, and as soon as I have that realization I make amends. "I was wrong, I yelled at you for something that was not your fault, I am really sorry, you know how I can get sometimes." The "it was not your fault" part is the most important. No relationship can last without communication. If I hadn't been medicated over all these years, and put a lot of time into self-reflection and CBT, I probably wouldn't be able to notice or admit these things. So he's got an uphill battle but it's totally doable. Like others have said though it'll take a lot of time and hard work on his part, and honestly of the people with ADHD I personally know only maybe a quarter of them "get" it (how to improve their lives.) The rest just stop taking their medication/become a drunk/get addicted to WoW - I did the first two of those myself when I first lived on my own. EDIT: Honestly when I get in one of my "moods" where I am upset over something tiny/nothing at all I can be a gigantic rear end in a top hat, and I'm a very nice guy. For someone who is less of a nice guy, it could be even worse. I get vindictive and say extremely hurtful things. Luckily this pretty much never happens anymore, but it is a very real thing and it could be very damaging to whoever is on the receiving end of it. I don't know your relationship history but definitely be aware that this poo poo can't go away over night. So to answer your question, he's probably an rear end in a top hat because he's had untreated ADHD his whole life, but that means that even once he starts being treated it will take years of hard work to un-rear end in a top hat himself. wilfredmerriweathr fucked around with this message at 03:13 on Jun 12, 2014 |
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Jun 12, 2014 02:59
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I used to be a tremendous rear end in a top hat and the only thing that stopped it was realizing I was a tremendous rear end in a top hat and actively doing something about it, so I guess it's worth seeing if duder's up to the task
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Jun 12, 2014 05:17
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Edit woops didn't see new page.
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Jun 12, 2014 05:20
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Winds posted:Hello everyone, Let's not pin this entirely on him, you're half the relationship. If you wanted a bathroom you should have made it happen within five years. It sounds like you're already done so you'd be doing yourselves a favor by moving on amicably. Do you find his perspective on the world valuable? Do you find him more intriguing than the negatives? Can you handle all of the financial decisions without resenting his inability to manage them without making a mess? At minimum, take a break, physically seperate, encourage him to get diagnosed and treated and see if he can make enough demonstrable progress. In the end, he has to add value to your life already because getting his world more manageable is a journey not a binary state.
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Jun 12, 2014 07:04
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Yes, every single thing you mentioned is classic ADHD. No, one stupid pill is not what's standing between you two and perfect happiness. It has to be medication combined with cognitive behavioral therapy probably combined with dietary and sleep changes and, most importantly, a WILLINGNESS ON HIS PART TO BUCKLE DOWN AND MAKE THESE VERY DIFFICULT ADMISSIONS/CHANGES. If you don't think one out of any of those is going to happen, its probably best to follow through with your one foot out the door plan, explain to him (IN WRITING, if you just tell him chances are he'll forget or not hear it right, auditory disorders go hand in hand with ADHD and he can always refer back to the letter later and not rely on his faulty memory) why you're leaving and what he needs to do to salvage anything with you. Keep it short and sweet and bullet pointed, make sure its easy to visually scan and understand. Then go on and live your life. Its not your job to save him. Be there for him if he seems like he's making a good faith effort, sure. But realize he'll never be perfect and he'll never be 'normal' and you'll probably never want him in charge of your finances or what have you even if he does follow through with everything. If you can't handle that, its best for you both if you sever.
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Jun 12, 2014 19:40
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TheBigBad posted:Let's not pin this entirely on him, you're half the relationship. If you wanted a bathroom you should have made it happen within five years. To be fair, they don't have a loving washroom (what?!), she never has money and he yells at her all the time. Adhd or not, she doesn't deserve to be treated like that and he has no right to behave like that. He is an adult and he needs to grow the gently caress up and deal/manage with his issues. He sounds almost abusive. To be honest Winds, I think you should leave him. It sounds like you're not very happy and you haven't "loved" him in a long time. Leaving him doesn't make you a bad person, especially if he's refusing to get treatment. I've treated people like poo poo before going to the doctor and therapists and it's taken *years* to get to where I am. I've hurt a lot of people who cared about me because I wrongly used adhd as an excuse to blow up at people instead of learning how to deal with my moods and behaviours. It is not fun, and it's not something I would want anyone else to go through. Right now, even if you aren't planning on dumping him or leaving, you *need* to get your finances and personal life detangled from his. Don't let him get away with this poo poo anymore - your money goes in your bank account and his goes in his. If he's short on something too bad, let him deal with it. Even if he has adhd who the hell spends 40k (in euros no less) on useless junk, then makes you cover his necessities? That poo poo has to stop, 5 years ago. If he starts yelling you walk away and don't engage with him until he calms down and apologizes for raising his voice over stupid poo poo like a screwdriver. A pill will not fix these problems. He'll be able to finish a hobby and move on to the next one but he'll still yell, he'll still spend all his money on stupid poo poo and he'll still blame you for "not understanding" instead of putting forth the effort to change.
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Jun 12, 2014 19:57
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I'm seeing an ADHD specialist, finally but he wants to do an EEG. This would be my ... Christ, I don't know. Tenth EEG or something ridiculous like that. I had them multiple times while inpatient and also during neuropsychiatric investigation for autoimmune illness. Why is this necessary? I've never had seizure symptoms. Unless migraines count somehow.
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Jun 12, 2014 21:50
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When used for ADHD diagnosis, they observe lags in your brain's response to particular stimulus. It has nothing to do with seizures, and isn't doing exactly the same thing as your other EEGs (even if they are rather similar at a high level). It's not necessary, though; it's just apparently your specialist's chosen method for ADHD diagnosis. You'd have to ask them why they decided to use it. Horrible Smutbeast posted:A pill will not fix these problems. He'll be able to finish a hobby and move on to the next one Maybe. Although medication has done an awful lot for me, getting me to follow through on hobby projects to completion is not one of them. Zhentar fucked around with this message at 22:24 on Jun 12, 2014 |
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Jun 12, 2014 22:22
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Oh, that makes sense -- I had no idea EEGs could be used like that! Well, hopefully something comes of it.
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Jun 12, 2014 22:32
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Horrible Smutbeast posted:To be fair, they don't have a loving washroom (what?!), she never has money and he yells at her all the time. Adhd or not, she doesn't deserve to be treated like that and he has no right to behave like that. He is an adult and he needs to grow the gently caress up and deal/manage with his issues. He sounds almost abusive. So she says.
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Jun 13, 2014 06:28
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Thanks for the responses everyone, it helps in getting some insight and understanding. I'm still not sure what the hell to do, but atleast now I have *some* hope that things may change. So thanks for your responses. I will go and talk to some experts on the subject next I suppose. TheBigBad: I could go into a lengthy explanation of why, how and when, but I don't see the point in going into such detail about our private life just to convince a random internet person. In fact I kind of take offense to your implications. But to make a long story short, I have no skills in construction whatsoever (his dayjob is in construction though), and I would've hired someone long ago if there were money, so other than those two ways I am not sure how one would be expected to simply 'make it happen myself'. That's enough about this subject though since I don't feel like expanding on it.
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Jun 14, 2014 18:08
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I would suggest the books Delivered From Distraction and a couple's book on ADD and how it affects relationships. I know there's one called something like You Me or ADD but Delivered is the gold standard p much.
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Jun 15, 2014 04:22
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I recommend listening to the Adam and Dr. Drew podcast. Start at the beginning, and Adam will pretty much lay out a road map on how to proceed despite ADHD for him or whatever codependency you seem to be exhibiting. Dr. Drew will provide enough empathy to keep you from wanting to kill Adam outright. You brought your relationship to a bunch of strangers on the internet. I'm not judging you, I'm just saying that in five years, you could have moved out already or hired a contractor and said- here pay him your half instead of buying your toys. If you want to play the victim, great that seems to be going around here on the internet. I like giving good advice on how to cope with ADHD and grow into productive lives, the continued discussion of your personal life should probably go in the e/n forum if that still exists now. Again I'm not judging you, I'm just not going to take one side of the story as complete fact and I don't care to.
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Jun 15, 2014 06:07
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Anyone here have to deal with Medco/Express Scripts? I loving, loving hate dealing with them and schedule 2 prescriptions like Adderall. And I'm afraid of being overly irritated that they moved up my delivery data *again* for fear be "exhibiting drug seeking behavior". I'm mostly just ranting about this, but does anyone have any experience with these folks, or advice to ensure this doesn't happen in the future?
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Jun 16, 2014 14:32
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Once upon a time I did. They had lovely generics that made me quit taking meds for a while before I knew there were variations in generic manufacturers quality. Didn't have the problems you're describing, but I didn't like having them as a provider much.
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Jun 16, 2014 20:47
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I had to gently caress with bioscrip (another mail order pharmacy) at one point to get the best price on my meds. After a few months of dealing with them, I just went back to my local pharmacy. I'd rather pay a bit more to get my meds from the nice gray-haired pharmacist down the street who doesn't look at me like I'm a goddamn drug fiend.
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Jun 16, 2014 22:37
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wilfredmerriweathr posted:I had to gently caress with bioscrip (another mail order pharmacy) at one point to get the best price on my meds. After a few months of dealing with them, I just went back to my local pharmacy. I'd rather pay a bit more to get my meds from the nice gray-haired pharmacist down the street who doesn't look at me like I'm a goddamn drug fiend. I wish I could do that, I have to use the online pharmacy for my insurance. Christ, gently caress them in the ear.
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Jun 17, 2014 15:31
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Due to a snafu, my insurance hasn't kicked in yet, even though it's retroactive to June 1st. Basically, the State of Washington and Premera Blue Cross aren't talking to each other effectively. I've been calling every week now. I'm rationing my Dexedrine IR (which is working like a charm, BTW) until I exist, because I don't want to pay for it out of pocket. At least I have my other drugs filled and decent supplies, and generic Lamictal is $11 at Costco.
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Jun 17, 2014 18:56
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TheBigBad posted:Once upon a time I did. They had lovely generics that made me quit taking meds for a while before I knew there were variations in generic manufacturers quality. Didn't have the problems you're describing, but I didn't like having them as a provider much. Tonnes of people will say that generics should be the same as name brand ones (even the commercials in doctor's offices that play up here say that) but there really is a big difference. Does anyone have advice for how to deal with the gut churning feeling when you take the medication? I have absolutely no other issues other than my stomach acid going nuts and causing some unpleasantness, to the point of being in pain if I don't sleep or double dose by accident - I sometimes forget I already took my pill and take another in the morning eugh. Worse case I still have a few Nexium pills left over from when I had stress ulcers that help but I don't want to be reliant on $5-10 a pill medication I no longer have a prescription for to help deal with it.
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Jun 17, 2014 18:57
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I find that taking it with food helps with any nausea (my anti-anxiety meds are murder on an empty stomach and Strattera was less horrible if I took it with food), but I don't know what you're taking so I don't know if you can take your meds with food or not.
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Jun 17, 2014 19:35
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Horrible Smutbeast posted:Tonnes of people will say that generics should be the same as name brand ones (even the commercials in doctor's offices that play up here say that) but there really is a big difference. You can take a pepsid ac or tums safely.
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Jun 17, 2014 21:49
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Horrible Smutbeast posted:Does anyone have advice for how to deal with the gut churning feeling when you take the medication? Which medication? If Adderall I had a lot of GI issues until I switched to Sandoz generic.
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Jun 18, 2014 00:21
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Sub Rosa posted:Which medication? If Adderall I had a lot of GI issues until I switched to Sandoz generic. I wish I had the chance of trying different versions. I only had the option to try a generic version made by my pharmacist. With very bad side effects. Something tells me a lot of the side effects I got from medication in the past was not necessarily the medication itself. But maybe the generic products used in some of them. As I said before in this thread, I'm a bit at the end of the road when it comes to medication. Over the years I tried so many things, and nothing works. Only the lorazepam to keep me calm a bit. But it doesn't help with any of the concentration problems.
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Jun 20, 2014 22:04
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Can someone elaborate on how the EKG helps detect ADHD? I'm a little confused on the idea that an ADHD person's brain has some kind of delay. I'm pretty good at video games...maybe it's been mega high-functioning autism all along  Well, maybe not. I've never had one of those tests to be honest, and I'd be scared to get one because what do I do if it turns out I don't have ADHD? Right now I feel like I can make it through life even though things are harder for me than they are for normal people because I've got a therapist, a psychiatrist, and my own effort to pull through. What if I don't have ADHD and I'm just kind of stupid and slow and nothing will ever get better? I also have an official psychiatrist-certified diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder 
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Jun 22, 2014 17:13
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If ADHD meds make you feel tired and calm, does that more or less confirm that that person has ADHD?
MOVIE MAJICK fucked around with this message at 20:28 on Jun 22, 2014 |
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Jun 22, 2014 17:17
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Calm is good cause I think the idea is you're deficient in the ability to focus, so the meds raise your baseline to appropriate levels. Now your mind can think about one thing at a time, including sleep. I don't think the "non-add gets wired / add gets tired" thing is actually true though. It's kinda anecdotal.
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Jun 22, 2014 20:20
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Xibanya posted:Can someone elaborate on how the EKG helps detect ADHD? I'm a little confused on the idea that an ADHD person's brain has some kind of delay. I'm pretty good at video games...maybe it's been mega high-functioning autism all along EKG is for the heart. They don't want the medications to exacerbate a heart condition. Video games stimulate the frontal lobe, which is predominately inactive in ADHD sufferers. So yeah you can be awesome at video games and still fail out of school. Pretty much the time between testing and diagnosis- what if I don't have it ? Causes the most anxiety. With a diagnosis, at least there is an explanation. At least everyone calling you lazy is just ignorant. I think it's better to know, but to each their own.
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Jun 23, 2014 01:03
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So, Vyvanse. I got prescribed 20mg and have been trying it out the past three days. For each day, I've eaten the exact same thing alongside it to try and control for any weirdness with regards to uptake (since it's a prodrug). The first day actually felt pretty nice. I was able to concentrate a lot more than I usually could. I could, say, watch a Youtube video without constantly feeling the urge (or, rather, feeling much less of an urge) to jump through six different tabs. I felt a lot more social, could string my words together much more coherently, and was a lot calmer overall. The second and third days have yielded absolutely nothing different from what my baseline was before the first day. I'm still really irritable, have trouble concentrating, etc. The only thing that seems fairly consistent is the appetite suppressant effect. Am I taking it wrong? Do I need a larger dosage? Does it require time to "build up"?
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Jun 26, 2014 17:05
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First time ADHD medication user. Concerta, 18 mg a day. Pros: calm as heck, feel like I can think about the future, I feel more detatched from my emotions, less anxious, ability to organize Cons: dopey, too tired, calm as heck, detatched from my emotions, don't really feel like 'myself' (I'm normally funny and make people laugh, had trouble remembering my sense of humour) Didn't take it today because I had to meet with my boss and didn't want to get too stoned. This brings me to my observation, there's a huge similarity between how this makes me feel and how weed makes me feel. Can someone explain? Do I need more to get rid of the dopeyness? Do these differences suggest I do have adhd? Anyone feel a similarity with the weed comparison? I sort of like it, but my job needs me to be energetic
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Jun 27, 2014 02:19
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I'd nix it if you're already feeling that detached or unlike yourself. You might respond better to the adderall family. Regarding vyvanse: 1st week ruled, then I had 3 weeks of constantly increasing side effects, then they all disappeared. I feel like myself and am much happier compared to ritalin.
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Jun 27, 2014 09:29
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So I finally managed to finish reading Delivered from Distraction last night. I thought about how long it felt like it took, so I looked it up. Got the book on April 22nd.  So, yeah, that would be 2 months. And I actually felt like I was really making an effort to finish it! So I'm thinking going back to school is going to be even more difficult than I thought! I AM pretty drat proud of actually finishing a book for once, though. Usually I end up reading part way in then it just gets tossed aside, no matter how much I'm into reading it.
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Jun 27, 2014 12:00
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I think a big problem with books is habit. If you try to set aside 30 minutes every night, maybe before bed, you'll make more progress. It's easier to do the thing you do all the time. 15 pages a day is still 450 a month. Consistency is always key. Especially if you're trying to build a habit.
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Jun 27, 2014 17:45
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Audiobooks are the answer. No joke. These days they aren't even that expensive, thanks to them being files instead of CDs.
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Jun 27, 2014 18:17
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A lot if it is psychological. I read all of the GRRM novels on a kindle. I would not hope to be able to read that much with a physical book or listen to all those files. With the kindle there is no- how much is left oh gaaaaaaaawd. It also has such limited function that keeps you from flipping to the web or to a game to distract yourself for- oh? has it really been 2 hours?
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Jun 27, 2014 18:36
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signalnoise posted:Audiobooks are the answer. No joke. These days they aren't even that expensive, thanks to them being files instead of CDs. Hey, a book but slower than I can read. Let's see just how quickly I get distracted by my senses that are not being stimulated by this audio book. If you guessed immediately, you'd be correct. Now if it was a video of someone recording the audio book, and with subtitles, I'd be great.
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Jun 28, 2014 04:48
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Sub Rosa posted:Now if it was a video of someone recording the audio book, and with subtitles, I'd be great. This.  Your Dead Gay Son posted:I think a big problem with books is habit. If you try to set aside 30 minutes every night, maybe before bed, you'll make more progress. It's easier to do the thing you do all the time. I try to do that to a degree, but it's still really tough. The thing of it is, if I go for too long, even if I'm determined to power through it, I start just glazing over the words. I'm technically, subconsciously reading it, but I'm retaining nothing. Some days I'll get lucky and totally get in a zone, and I usually run with that and fly through a good chunk of what I'm reading, but I can't force it. TheBigBad posted:A lot if it is psychological. I read all of the GRRM novels on a kindle. I would not hope to be able to read that much with a physical book or listen to all those files. With the kindle there is no- how much is left oh gaaaaaaaawd. It also has such limited function that keeps you from flipping to the web or to a game to distract yourself for- oh? has it really been 2 hours? That's funny, I'm the exact opposite. I don't know if it's because my eyes are so terrible or what, but there's something about reading on a screen that just bothers my eyes. I'm constantly running across long articles online that I wish I could print out, because the only way I'd ever be able to get through them is if I were to have a physical copy. I'm like the opposite with chapters, too, it's like a goal for me. That's when I let myself have breaks. Everyone works different, I guess!
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Jun 28, 2014 11:42
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Sub Rosa posted:Hey, a book but slower than I can read. Let's see just how quickly I get distracted by my senses that are not being stimulated by this audio book. If you guessed immediately, you'd be correct.
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Jun 28, 2014 14:11
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How long does it take to get amphetamines out of your system? I think the amount I'm taking isn't enough for the mental effect anymore, but my heart pounds like crazy and I feel strung out all the time. I'm getting enough water and sleep. I think I'm at a point where I need to stop but I know I'm gonna just be laid out until I recover.
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Jun 28, 2014 16:30
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signalnoise posted:How long does it take to get amphetamines out of your system? I think the amount I'm taking isn't enough for the mental effect anymore, but my heart pounds like crazy and I feel strung out all the time. I'm getting enough water and sleep. I think I'm at a point where I need to stop but I know I'm gonna just be laid out until I recover. Usually only a day or do for the amphetamies to be out of your system, depending on what you're taking. The withdrawals may last longer. You can always taper instead of stopping cold, if you're worried about it.
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Jun 28, 2014 17:09
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WolfensteinBag posted:That's funny, I'm the exact opposite. I don't know if it's because my eyes are so terrible or what, but there's something about reading on a screen that just bothers my eyes. I'm constantly running across long articles online that I wish I could print out, because the only way I'd ever be able to get through them is if I were to have a physical copy. I'm like the opposite with chapters, too, it's like a goal for me. That's when I let myself have breaks. Everyone works different, I guess! Yeah I absolutely cannot read poo poo on a screen for more than like 5min at a time. Tablets and ereaders just don't do it for me, it's like even if I'm on a kindle I just get too distracted by it being a piece of technology. Reading books is a respite from all of that, and on a good rainy afternoon I can power through one or more novels. Something about printed books just allows me to forget about the modern world and lose myself in a book.
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Jul 1, 2014 04:33
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