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Re: Hitachi magic wand being too powerful - if you find it's low setting is too intense you can put it on a lamp dimmer. It won't run at full power on the high setting with the lamp dimmer set to full, but it can go far lower than the default low setting. Another consideration is they are useful for their stated purpose as a deep tissue massager - my wife actually uses her's more in this role than as a sex toy. Note - the above is being offered as information only since the topic of HMWs being too powerful was brought up, and should not be taken as an endorsement of the magic wand or its knockoffs as a beginner's sex toy.
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Jun 16, 2014 06:30
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hoobajoo posted:If she's keen on self-bondage, I'd recommend some bondage tape. Hell, I'd recommend bondage tape is general; it's a lot of fun, easier to use than rope, and safer for beginners. I remember that anything marketed as "bondage tape" is more expensive because of sex tax, but there was a material that was basically identical. I forgot what it was though. Also, trauma shears are really cheap and it's best to have a pair around if you're doing anything bondage-y. The whole "have it and not need it" thing. neongrey posted:I actually don't like OJST for reviews (they're great for education stuff) -- they're a bit too unwilling to actually give a really negative review on toys, which often leads to them saying of things with poor build quality, bad motors, usability issues, etc 'wellllllll you should try it and see, you might like it'. So many of the "bad" reviews are "It's not as strong as a Hitachi, so it's not worth my time   ", or "It's too much stronger than a Hitachi  "It's also weird to me that the author is all "I don't want to draw myself naked, so I'll just draw myself describing my sexual experiences in detail while these miscellaneous people who happen to share my exact sexual preferences do the actual actions". As though the comic needs at least *this* much porn in it to be worthwhile. e2: also the "how to butt sex" comic doesn't answer the "what do I do if I gently caress it up?" question, but I haven't found anywhere that explains that properly so whatever. FROOOOOOOOG fucked around with this message at 07:03 on Jun 16, 2014 |
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Jun 16, 2014 06:38
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FROOOOOOOOG posted:I remember that anything marketed as "bondage tape" is more expensive because of sex tax, but there was a material that was basically identical. I forgot what it was though. Vet wrap, I think?
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Jun 16, 2014 06:41
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FROOOOOOOOG posted:e2: also the "how to butt sex" comic doesn't answer the "what do I do if I gently caress it up?" question, but I haven't found anywhere that explains that properly so whatever. I think best guess is it would mainly be stop whatever you're doing/attempting to do. And then possibly go to the ER or a your doctor if something REALLY hosed up.
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Jun 16, 2014 07:40
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Kimmalah posted:I think best guess is it would mainly be stop whatever you're doing/attempting to do. And then possibly go to the ER or a your doctor if something REALLY hosed up. Right, but if you don't notice until later that something is hosed up, and it's not super-cray-cray hosed up, but it's going to stop you enjoying buttsex for the forseeable future. What then? Seriously, I haven't seen anything that addresses anything but preventative care for butts, and sex endorphins are going to mess up your pain receptors. "Don't do it/Stop doing it" isn't always feasible.
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Jun 16, 2014 07:51
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FROOOOOOOOG posted:Right, but if you don't notice until later that something is hosed up, and it's not super-cray-cray hosed up, but it's going to stop you enjoying buttsex for the forseeable future. What then? Like what sort of gently caress-ups are you talking about? I'm not being facetious or anything here; I have the world's most agreeable butt, at least as far as butt stuff is concerned, so buttsex problems are weirdly academic and alien to me. FROOOOOOOOG posted:So many of the "bad" reviews are "It's not as strong as a Hitachi, so it's not worth my time I didn't really notice any particular comparisons to the Hitachi when I was flipping back for particularly annoying review examples (seriously, you need a loving goldilocks vag/vulva combo to enjoy a loving rabbit, and it's a different combination for every rabbit, I haaaaaaate seeing people recommend them as a blanket solution for everyone) but honestly it really feels like she doesn't know how to articulate what about and how specifically a given toy is pleasurable. And while that's okay if you're just talking between friends, it's a critical flaw in a review. It's why I appreciate someone like Epiphora's reviews even though I have to go into them prepared to say to myself 'okay, she says it's a bit small for her-- it's probably slightly too big for me'-- she can and will tell you exactly what ridges on a toy are good, and why even though the marketing says this toy has a clitoral nub, it will not stimulate anyone's clitoris, none of this 'it could work for you' crap. I'm not reading a review to find out if you think it'll work for me, I want someone's detailed personal evaluation of it so I can figure out how it goddamn well feels.
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Jun 16, 2014 08:11
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neongrey posted:Like what sort of gently caress-ups are you talking about? I'm not being facetious or anything here; I have the world's most agreeable butt, at least as far as butt stuff is concerned, so buttsex problems are weirdly academic and alien to me. I'm not super sure myself, but I think I got a fissure after going too hard too fast one time, and then the next time I tried (after I thought it had recovered), it came up again afterward, to the point that it never actually went away and got triggered any time anything over x diameter passed through. I got the doctor to prescribe me an ointment after my poop started hurting, but that was only a week or so ago so I don't know if it worked.
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Jun 16, 2014 08:29
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FROOOOOOOOG posted:Right, but if you don't notice until later that something is hosed up, and it's not super-cray-cray hosed up, but it's going to stop you enjoying buttsex for the forseeable future. What then? I've never run into an endorphin rush that was capable of overcoming that kind of pain (and that was just when we didn't have enough lube), so I don't think you're going to just not notice something like a full on injury happening. But I'm not really sure what you're looking for. If you don't stop and hurt yourself, that's where my previous "doctor" advice comes in. Or if you don't think it's that severe, then just give your butt a rest/time to heal.
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Jun 16, 2014 08:47
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Maybe a signal that our relationship isn't very healthy, but is it normal for me to look at other women and think about having sex with them? I love and I love having sex with my current girlfriend of 5 years, but my eyes wander a lot, and I wonder if the grass isn't greener. We're both interested in swinging in the future, but I'm still troubled by my behavior.
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Jun 18, 2014 00:12
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It's normal. The grass is almost never greener.
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Jun 18, 2014 00:56
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Donald Kimball posted:Maybe a signal that our relationship isn't very healthy, but is it normal for me to look at other women and think about having sex with them? I love and I love having sex with my current girlfriend of 5 years, but my eyes wander a lot, and I wonder if the grass isn't greener. We're both interested in swinging in the future, but I'm still troubled by my behavior. It's very normal to see an attractive person and get aroused, regardless if you're in a relationship; that doesn't mean you don't love your girlfriend or will cheat on her, it just means she isn't the single and only person on Planet Earth you find attractive. I mean, if you are having elaborate cheating fantasies where you masturbate to craigslist casual encounter listings, THAT is probably a red flag. Just being attracted to other people is normal, and doesn't diminish your love or commitment to your girlfriend.
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Jun 18, 2014 04:07
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Masonity posted:Wouldn't trauma shears be a tad overkill for velcro straps? I can't imagine a scenario where you can't immediately release someone who's velcro strapped down without shears. Trauma shears are nice because they'll cut pretty much anything, and are very, very safe for cutting right against skin to get tightly wrapped things off right loving now if something goes wrong. They're not much more expensive than a pair of regular scissors, so they're nice to have around as a just in case.
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Jun 18, 2014 21:02
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Liquid Communism posted:Trauma shears are nice because they'll cut pretty much anything, and are very, very safe for cutting right against skin to get tightly wrapped things off right loving now if something goes wrong. They're not much more expensive than a pair of regular scissors, so they're nice to have around as a just in case. I think what they meant is that it will probably take longer to cut off Velcro cuffs than it would to just rip them open as designed.
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Jun 18, 2014 21:12
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Mak0rz posted:I think what they meant is that it will probably take longer to cut off Velcro cuffs than it would to just rip them open as designed. This might be true in a calm situation, but if you're faced with a bound partner having a full-blown panic/ claustrophobia attack and struggling to get out of the restraint you may not be able to get a grip on the end of the velcro to rip them open. And I think its more of a "have a pair close at hand, just in case" than "use them even if you finish without incident."
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Jun 18, 2014 21:22
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On that note, anyone have any general advice on open relationships? My girlfriend and I just got married (so... my wife, not my girlfriend, I guess) and we both really want it to be an open marriage. I found a girl almost right away, someone that opened up HER relationship because her husband isn't interested in sex. I'm meeting her for sex for the first time tonight (both of us already met her, and her husband in fact - went out for coffee and got on well). My wife is planning on being out of the house during it, since we're still getting used to the whole thing. I'm rather experienced with having multiple partners (I had a number of FWBs before I met her, ~4 years ago, and then we were monogamous until now) but she's new to it, so I want to make sure I'm doing everything right. I'm being super-open, not hiding anything, giving her veto power on any person and any specific acts, etc. But I just want to be ready for any potential pitfalls.
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Jun 18, 2014 21:51
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RRR - I'm in an open thing with my fiance and it's been working fine for two and a bit years now. So ask me anything. Obviously the number one thing is that you and your wife communicate, a lot, about everything. It is worth setting aside an uninterrupted time every so often just so you can go 'now is talking time, about any stuff you might have to say about our relationship and the open thing'. Even if it's just 'everything is fine' that's still good to know.
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Jun 18, 2014 22:09
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Skutter fucked around with this message at 03:11 on Jan 16, 2015 |
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Jun 18, 2014 22:47
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I know this is crazy talk, but since she's completely inexperienced and you guys just got married, maybe give it a little time to get used to being married before you start railing other girls? One huge life change at a time is probably enough.
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Jun 18, 2014 22:57
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i like nice words
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loki k zen posted:RRR - I'm in an open thing with my fiance and it's been working fine for two and a bit years now. So ask me anything. Definitely doing that as much as we can. The only hard boundaries are no overnights, no lying/hiding things, she has to meet the girl and be ok with them, and no overly intimate cuddling (like "falling asleep in your arms" romantic cuddling). Questions: Do you have any anecdotes about things that DIDN'T work and how you handled them? Do you have sex with others while your fiance is in the house? Is she/he ok with that, or do they leave the house during it? (Or join in? I dunno.) Skutter posted:May I also suggest some reading material? Both of you should check out the book "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino. Haha, ordered it a week ago. She already finished it and we had a good long discussion about it. I've also ordered The Ethical Slut and we're going to read that too. Anne Whateley posted:I know this is crazy talk, but since she's completely inexperienced and you guys just got married, maybe give it a little time to get used to being married before you start railing other girls? One huge life change at a time is probably enough. We've been together 4 years and have talked about open relationships quite a lot. But she was the one that brought it up and in fact suggested we have an open marriage (the only stipulation being we had to be married - she wants the security), well before we got engaged. Also neither of us really consider the marriage a huge life change, it was a long time coming. I will admit things moved surprisingly fast with this girl, and we've both acknowledged that. I've told her we can slow it down as much as she wants, but she's ok with going forward. This girl is pretty much the safest option possible - we both like her and are friends with her, and she's taken as well. Not brushing off your concern - it's definitely valid and we've both considered it, but so far we're both ok with it. Oh, don't think I clarified this, but it's a totally equal open relationship - she's totally able to sleep with guys and girls as much as I am. Currently, she's satisfied with me and isn't really pursuing any. I'm also satisfied with her, but being with more than one girl makes me even more passionate about sex with her. (I like variety.) Rotten Red Rod fucked around with this message at 23:28 on Jun 18, 2014 |
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Jun 18, 2014 23:18
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Rotten Red Rod posted:
Yeah. It kind of goes into kink stuff but long story short the problem was poor communication. This was basically when we were first working out our rules and because of our D/s situation my fiance ended up talking to the guy about rules and me separately, leading to a situation where me and my bit on the side had interpreted the rules differently from how my fiance had meant them. This led to a small blow-up. It then came to the time it had been agreed that I would see the boyfriend, and I asked if, given the blow-up, my fiance was still ok with me seeing him. He said he was. He wasn't. So the lessons were: * The rules you come up with for your relationship (which should be whatever you guys mutually decide they are, there is no 'standard' here) have to be gone over in detail and you need to be certain that you and your wife and any prospective partners all understand exactly what they are with as little ambiguity as possible. * You (both) need to be certain that you will both say what you mean when asked if you are ok with something, and that you know each other well enough to recognise a yes that is not whole-hearted. For this to work, 'I don't know' needs to be an acceptable answer, that will lead to one's partner not doing anything until you have figured out whether or not it is ok. quote:Do you have sex with others while your fiance is in the house? Is she/he ok with that, or do they leave the house during it? (Or join in? I dunno.) Personally, our rule is 'not in our bed'. This is waived if we're sharing, which we have a couple of times. I did used to be shagging both our housemates and he was doing one of them, so in those situations we were doing stuff when the other was in the house, but not in our bedroom. Now my bit of fluff is a different guy who doesn't live with us, we go to his or get a hotel. I'm less touchy about it than my fiance is though, so I have given him a pass to gently caress at home if he wants to. They've even done it while I was in the bed with them, but that was mostly a case where the plan was for me to join in, but I was kinda tired and ended up being like 'you guys just do your thing'. quote:
Be careful of NRE. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_relationship_energy I mean, it's fun as hell, but you have to manage it carefully to avoid bad feeling in your primary relationship. As other people said, make sure your rules account for safer sex. Our rules are barrier protection at all times with outside people, though we did relax this with the housemates when that was a thing - we all had been recently tested and effectively formed a 4-person closed loop with barrier protection mandatory outside the four of us. One time my boy hosed up on the barrier protection, he didn't get laid for a month until he'd sorted out getting tested and cleared. Harsh - on both of us, cause I'm the higher sex drive of the two of us - but them's the rules.
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Jun 19, 2014 00:12
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Any recommendations for a water based lube? Only used for vaginal/penis intercourse. Also, the tip of my foreskin seems to be peeling and dry, I'm assuming from the sex with no lube, any recommendation for creams to use? Would petroleum jelly be a bad idea? lol internet. fucked around with this message at 02:58 on Jun 19, 2014 |
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Jun 19, 2014 02:56
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lol internet. posted:Any recommendations for a water based lube? Only used for vaginal/penis intercourse. Pjur is really good for PiV, very slick. Astroglide is a decent budget option. Just drink more water, the skin should take care of itself. If it really bugs you, a normal lotion for skin will work just as well as on normal dry skin.
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Jun 19, 2014 03:13
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If you ever want to go vaginal/oral without taking a shower in between, Sliquid is good and tastes neutral.
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Jun 19, 2014 04:36
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Thanks for all the awesome advice! Trip report, kinda: had sex with a girl today, my wife knew 100%, and actually decided not to sexile herself, she was home in the other room. And... Everything was fine! Nothing changed and there's no jealousy between us! We're both happy and discussing the whole thing now. On the flipside, however, the girl I was with... Well, she obviously wanted more than just sex. She wanted romantic affection, that her husband is not giving to her. She's only just starting to realize it herself. It was a little awkward at the end and we decided that we wouldn't have sex again, but will keep being friends. The one part that bothers me is she decided that she's going to tell her husband we didn't have sex - like that we were going to but decided not to. I'd really prefer she be honest with him, but she knows him and fears his reaction. I have a policy of not regretting anything - I learn from every experience. This was definitely one to learn from - when looking for future partners, I'll look for something that is secure in their sexual life and isn't looking for someone to "fix" them. Preferably someone also in an open relationship, or a girl that wants to be with both me and my wife. Any comments or thoughts about this? Anyone run into a similar situation, and how did you handle it?
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Jun 19, 2014 05:31
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Rotten Red Rod posted:Any comments or thoughts about this? Anyone run into a similar situation, and how did you handle it? I think you did everything right here. If she wants to be dishonest with her husband for some reason, that is on her.
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Jun 19, 2014 06:43
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Is there a gold standard realistic penis dildo sans balls?
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Jun 19, 2014 14:44
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Try the Vixen VixSkin line in the size of your choice.
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Jun 19, 2014 14:52
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neongrey posted:Try the Vixen VixSkin line in the size of your choice. Thanks very much for the recommendation. At first I thought my wife would love the Buck, but then I noticed their top seller was one called the Mustang that has a solid inner core combined with an outer silicone layer. I'm a bit confused about the difference, but did see that epiphora loved the Mustang. Is the Buck just silicone all the way through meaning it won't feel as "hard" or something? I guess the Buck also looks like it is more veiny and has a more prominent head. Is this just a preference thing? Edit: Just found an epiphora review of the Buck as well. She called it the goldilocks of the VixSkin line and said it is in her top three with the Mustang so it looks like they are both solid choices. I think I'm going to go with the Buck. Thanks again! Double Edit: Of course, the Mustang is $35 cheaper on amazon so now I'm back to wondering which one I should get. I suppose I'll just let my wife decide if she prefers the girth or a bit extra length! Jewce fucked around with this message at 15:59 on Jun 19, 2014 |
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Jun 19, 2014 15:18
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Old Man Pants posted:I think you did everything right here. If she wants to be dishonest with her husband for some reason, that is on her. I think so too. I never would have gotten involved with her if I knew she was going to do that - she only decided afterwards. According to her, her marriage is crumbling. I had sex with her because I thought the only thing she was missing was sexual fulfillment - it turns out she's missing, well, everything that should be in a loving marriage. They are going to counseling, but I think they have a lot to work through before she seeks out more partners. Thankfully, it doesn't really affect us, and my wife and I are feeling more confident than ever about having an open marriage. We're just going to be more choosy about our future partners. Rotten Red Rod fucked around with this message at 16:29 on Jun 19, 2014 |
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Jun 19, 2014 16:25
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Jewce posted:Thanks very much for the recommendation. At first I thought my wife would love the Buck, but then I noticed their top seller was one called the Mustang that has a solid inner core combined with an outer silicone layer. Everything Vixen makes is pure silicone, it's just that VixSkin is a proprietary dual density combination, so it'll have a firm core and a softer outer layer. It costs a bit more, but it makes for as close to feeling real as silicone gets. The veins are probably going to have a negligible effect in terms of how it feels, but a prominent head will affect how well it can be used for g-spot stimulation. That's not what either of those are designed for though, so it'll be cosmetic unless you try to use it that way, probably. But yeah, definitely have her go with the girth she feels more comfortable with -- a toy that's too long doesn't have to go in all the way, but that's not a luxury you get with girth. A 1.5 inch diameter is a good fairly neutral one; 1.75 actually feels substantially bigger. Ask me how I learned reading specs was important, haha.
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Jun 19, 2014 16:38
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Rotten Red Rod posted:
This is a really good attitude. Just keep communicating good and things will probably be fine. By which I mean, one or both of you will gently caress up at some point because humans, but if your relationship is solid and you keep communicating you will get through it and have lots of fun.
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Jun 19, 2014 21:48
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loki k zen posted:This is a really good attitude. Just keep communicating good and things will probably be fine. Thanks! On that note, the girl is still snapchatting me photos... Sigh. Not really appropriate or desired. I'll have to address that with her.
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Jun 20, 2014 12:19
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Just go ahead and open an e/n thread, you're obviously going to need it.
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Jun 20, 2014 12:41
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Anne Whateley posted:Just go ahead and open an e/n thread, you're obviously going to need it. Haha I hope not. But I'll keep anything more about that out of this thread.
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Jun 20, 2014 12:47
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Jewce posted:Thanks very much for the recommendation. At first I thought my wife would love the Buck, but then I noticed their top seller was one called the Mustang that has a solid inner core combined with an outer silicone layer. This review of a similar line of dildos might be worth checking out. Basically, the extra length might make it easier for her to use, depending on how flexible it is.
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Jun 21, 2014 22:18
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Any suggestions for a basic beginner buttplug (possibly a set) that can be ordered online via amazon or another reputable website? Something small would be best.
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Jun 22, 2014 04:46
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Skutter fucked around with this message at 03:14 on Jan 16, 2015 |
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Jun 22, 2014 05:42
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Thanks for the suggestion! While we're on the topic, I generally use coconut oil as lube for vaginal sex. Would it be as appropriate for Anal or should I spring for something else?
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Jun 22, 2014 06:05
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Skutter posted:
Weird sex toy smell is jelly; silicone is odorless. That set is pourous but pthalate free-- meaning they won't melt or give you allergic reactions but you can't actually clean them properly (they can't take the heat of being boiled and you can't use a bleach solution without degrading the material); they will germ up. Use with a condom, discard after about a year. This is my go-to plug; there is a small size but even for a beginner I wouldn't start with smaller than a medium. It's about the size of a big strawberry, super comfortable-- you can wear it for literally as long as you want, and while you will notice it's there, it won't be uncomfortable. MoosetheMooche posted:Thanks for the suggestion! While we're on the topic, I generally use coconut oil as lube for vaginal sex. Would it be as appropriate for Anal or should I spring for something else? So long as you mind the caveats of using an oil-based lube (no contact with latex, some people's body chemistry doesn't like it and will contribute to yeast infections), then yeah, coconut oil is fine. Sliquid Sassy is my personal preferred butt lube, but silicone lube is good too.
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Jun 22, 2014 06:41
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MoosetheMooche posted:Thanks for the suggestion! While we're on the topic, I generally use coconut oil as lube for vaginal sex. Would it be as appropriate for Anal or should I spring for something else? Spring for proper butt lube. The butt does not self-lubricate like the vagina, and you'll want something with a thicker consistency than oil. I recommend JO water-based, it is more viscous and lasts longer than any other water based lube I've tried, and since it's water, it's safe for use with all toys. "Lube" lube is a lot nicer than anything not made for sex, and it's not crazy expensive or anything, so I'd absolutely recommend it. http://www.amazon.com/JO-4-5-Anal-H2O-Lubricant/dp/B00GIXHC86/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1403415481&sr=8-5&keywords=jo+lube+h2o hoobajoo fucked around with this message at 04:57 on Jun 26, 2014 |
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Jun 22, 2014 06:42
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