google: dad I hate myself and this phone is garbage

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > google: dad I hate myself and this phone is garbage

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Beeftweeter: Jun 28, 2005; OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN

also instead of honey they make poop. google is literally a poop hive

# ? Jul 29, 2014 23:09

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 08:46

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

corn cob

# ? Jul 30, 2014 00:09

cremnob: Jun 30, 2010

PleasureKevin posted:

google's problem used to be they didn't apply any effort, they just made little apps in their 30% free time and if they failed, they blamed the idea and moved on.

now things like google plus have had some actually effort put in, and there's an overall design push too.

but those have failed, and what they're finding is they just don't have the organizational experience to release and market a product on a mass scale. all that time they've spent ideating and experimenting should have been spent perfecting the marketing and distribution process.

i guess their hope is with a "moon shot" they can get the first-mover advantage in a new category with no competition and where their inexperience doesn't matter.

this is almost identical to microsoft, where they had one hit knock-off product, and assumed that gave them the know-how to make a successful mp3 player, video game console, tablet and phone.

whereas apple has released the mac, iMac, iPod, iphone and iPad, with refreshes of each yearly. they are so far ahead of google and microsoft in experience and proven track record that there's no fitting analogy to do it justice. it's not coke vs. pepsi. it's like the economy of north america vs. north korea, where north korea is google, always boasting about their latest jerry-rigged doomsday weapons to destroy apple while their actual sole source of income is manufacturing the nipples on baby bottles.

# ? Jul 30, 2014 00:52

theadder: Dec 30, 2011

ban cremnob :toot:

# ? Jul 30, 2014 01:41

Forums Terrorist: Dec 8, 2011

theadder posted:

ban cremnob

# ? Jul 30, 2014 04:26

Forums Terrorist: Dec 8, 2011

just testing the emptyquote button in yos+, rousing success

thanks valeyard

# ? Jul 30, 2014 04:26

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

Forums Terrorist posted:

ban valeyard

# ? Jul 30, 2014 04:40

pram: Jun 10, 2001

Boxturret posted:

# ? Jul 30, 2014 04:41

Progressive JPEG: Feb 19, 2003

theadder posted:

ban cremnob

# ? Jul 30, 2014 04:49

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

this is the ancient taoist symbol of "yin and yang"

it symbolizes balance

if we remove the cremnob, there will be nothing to stop the stymie

all things in balance, my friends

please reban twee as gently caress, though

# ? Jul 30, 2014 05:06

pram: Jun 10, 2001

well ban failyard

# ? Jul 30, 2014 05:08

Wild EEPROM: Jul 29, 2011; oh, my, god. Becky, look at her bitrate.

if cremnob is the yin to stymie's yang, then if you ban them both then there will continue to be order in the universe.

# ? Jul 30, 2014 05:27

theadder: Dec 30, 2011

Progressive JPEG posted:

/

cremnob is a continuing offence in steves eyes

# ? Jul 30, 2014 05:41

Pinterest Mom: Jun 9, 2009

PleasureKevin posted:

google's problem used to be they didn't apply any effort, they just made little apps in their 30% free time and if they failed, they blamed the idea and moved on.

now things like google plus have had some actually effort put in, and there's an overall design push too.

but those have failed, and what they're finding is they just don't have the organizational experience to release and market a product on a mass scale. all that time they've spent ideating and experimenting should have been spent perfecting the marketing and distribution process.

i guess their hope is with a "moon shot" they can get the first-mover advantage in a new category with no competition and where their inexperience doesn't matter.

this is almost identical to microsoft, where they had one hit knock-off product, and assumed that gave them the know-how to make a successful mp3 player, video game console, tablet and phone.

whereas apple has released the mac, iMac, iPod, iphone and iPad, with refreshes of each yearly. they are so far ahead of google and microsoft in experience and proven track record that there's no fitting analogy to do it justice. it's not coke vs. pepsi. it's like the economy of north america vs. north korea, where north korea is google, always boasting about their latest jerry-rigged doomsday weapons to destroy apple while their actual sole source of income is manufacturing the nipples on baby bottles.

this is a good time for the occasional reminder that Google has never (never!) designed a single money-making thing

everything they have that makes them money, they bought

# ? Jul 30, 2014 09:00

Dodoman: Feb 26, 2009; A moment of laxity
A lifetime of regret; Lipstick Apathy

theadder posted:

ban cremnob

# ? Jul 30, 2014 12:52

Necc0: Jun 30, 2005; by exmarx; Broken Cake

Pinterest Mom posted:

this is a good time for the occasional reminder that Google has never (never!) designed a single money-making thing

everything they have that makes them money, they bought

ad-words / sponsored links weren't done in-house? lmao if true

# ? Jul 30, 2014 15:02

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

Necc0 posted:

ad-words / sponsored links weren't done in-house? lmao if true

they bought doubleclick for some reason

# ? Jul 30, 2014 15:07

ultramiraculous: Nov 12, 2003; "No..."; Grimey Drawer

Cocoa Crispies posted:

they bought doubleclick for some reason

was it not profitable before doubleclick? i thought they had a good decade-ish between adwords and doubleclick, and the doubleclick acquisition was seen as them doubling down on their profit center.

# ? Jul 30, 2014 15:12

VAGENDA OF MANOCIDE: Aug 1, 2004; whoa, what just happened here?; College Slice

theadder posted:

ban cremnob

# ? Jul 30, 2014 16:01

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

how is stymie not hellbanned yet

or can they do that anymore

# ? Jul 30, 2014 16:21

flakeloaf: Feb 26, 2003; Still better than android clock

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

how is stymie not hellbanned yet

or can they do that anymore

nope

thanks team barry

# ? Jul 30, 2014 16:47

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

they started buying advertising companies in 2003

# ? Jul 30, 2014 17:53

prefect: Sep 11, 2001; No one, Woodhouse.
No one.; Dead Man’s Band

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

how is stymie not hellbanned yet

or can they do that anymore

too much load on the servers

# ? Jul 30, 2014 17:56

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

gimmick accounts are supposed to be bannable but hey

# ? Jul 30, 2014 20:46

Cold on a Cob: Feb 6, 2006; i've seen so much, i'm going blind
and i'm brain dead virtually; College Slice

stymie's gimmick is that there is no gimmick

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:05

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

Cold on a Cob posted:

stymie's gimmick is that there is no gimmick

the bruce lee of pedantic shitposting

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:07

Emptyquoter: Feb 26, 2014

PleasureKevin posted:

gimmick accounts are supposed to be bannable but hey

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:07

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

Emptyquoter posted:

lol

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:24

Cold on a Cob: Feb 6, 2006; i've seen so much, i'm going blind
and i'm brain dead virtually; College Slice

Smythe posted:

lol

wtf is this poo poo, that's not a drunk post at all. stay in gimmick :colbert:

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:32

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

Emptyquoter posted:

NICE!

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:33

Jenny Agutter: Mar 18, 2009

Pinterest Mom posted:

this is a good time for the occasional reminder that Google has never (never!) designed a single money-making thing

everything they have that makes them money, they bought

who cares. they made the best search engine and the best maps, gmail is good, self driving cars are cool. that any of these do not make money doesn't matter at all to me.

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:46

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Busta Chimes.wav posted:

who cares. they made the best search engine and the best maps, gmail is good, self driving cars are cool. that any of these do not make money doesn't matter at all to me.

idk, maps in chrome is kind o lovely now

they spread the controls out to be as far from each other as possible, panels pop up everywhere and there's no obvious way to know when or why, there are no labels or tooltips, etc

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:47

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

Emptyquoter posted:

good

Cold on a Cob posted:

stymie's gimmick is that there is no gimmick

the gimmick is he nonchalantly works from a faulty premise to write something infuriating. he does it so consistently and selectively that it's got to be a gimmick.

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:50

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

Cold on a Cob posted:

wtf is this poo poo, that's not a drunk post at all. stay in gimmick

ive been breaking my gimmick all morning. but ill tbh, i dont really have a gimmick hehe

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:51

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Busta Chimes.wav posted:

who cares. they made the best search engine and the best maps, gmail is good, self driving cars are cool. that any of these do not make money doesn't matter at all to me.

search is buggered beyond recognition now, trying to get google to search for what you've actually typed requires going through two hidden menus and selecting "verbatim", as opposed to say, searching for what the gently caress you typed by default. they've completely hosed the maps interface over the last couple years, for no obvious reason, and hidden or removed every useful feature it had. gmail is only good compared to webmail pre-gmail. and even then as long as you never plan to go anywhere else, because they do some awful things to their message headers. apps for business is a joke in every sense.

google makes a lot of bad products now, and the few products that were good, even if only by comparison to their competition are being shitted up on the regular now because bored ballpit spergs can't leave well enough alone

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:55

Jenny Agutter: Mar 18, 2009

duTrieux. posted:

idk, maps in chrome is kind o lovely now

they spread the controls out to be as far from each other as possible, panels pop up everywhere and there's no obvious way to know when or why, there are no labels or tooltips, etc

now that i think about it i probably use maps on my phone 90% of the time. yeah tho the new web interface is balls

# ? Jul 30, 2014 21:56

Cold on a Cob: Feb 6, 2006; i've seen so much, i'm going blind
and i'm brain dead virtually; College Slice

Smythe posted:

ive been breaking my gimmick all morning. but ill tbh, i dont really have a gimmick hehe

some gimmicks are natural

like mine

i'm naturally this annoying and forgettable

# ? Jul 30, 2014 22:01

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

you can almost completely replace google in Yosemite

* you can search sites by typing their name before your search query, sidestepping google. also change the rest to duck duck go

eg stackoverflow php catch a squirtle

* mail is fine

* maps is fine, and might get transit directions?

* you can share iCloud docs with anyone on iCloud.com (replaces google docs)

Cold on a Cob posted:

some gimmicks are natural

like mine

i'm naturally this annoying and forgettable

ayy come here :glomp:

# ? Jul 30, 2014 22:02

echinopsis: Apr 13, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Smythe posted:

lol

# ? Jul 30, 2014 22:03

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 08:46

Pinterest Mom: Jun 9, 2009

Necc0 posted:

ad-words / sponsored links weren't done in-house? lmao if true

Adwords:

quote:

The original idea was invented by Bill Gross of Idealab who, in turn, borrowed the idea from the model of the Yellow Pages. Google wanted to buy the idea but a deal could not be reached. Not wanting to give up on this form of advertisement, the company launched its own solution, AdWords in 2000. AdWords followed a model that was significantly similar to Bill Gross' creation which led to legal action between the two parties. Eventually the dispute was settled out of court.

# ? Jul 30, 2014 22:15

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > google: dad I hate myself and this phone is garbage

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