|
razorrozar posted:Is that 281 petabytes? There's an Arthur C. Clarke novel where they discuss brain uploading and that it turns out that the human brain can be uploaded into a storage medium of about 5 petabytes. (According to this sci-fi novel, anyway, but Clarke was usually pretty good about basing hard numbers like that on some bit of real-world research) What I'm getting at is that someone at that guy's company kidnapped 55 people and uploaded their brains to Exchange.
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 14:42
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 16, 2024 18:04 |
|
|
Billy the Mountain posted:Kroll On-Track can't seem to open this Exchange database... hahahaha holy hell
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 14:45
|
|
|
Like a zip file of my porn archive.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 14:47
|
|
|
Billy the Mountain posted:Kroll On-Track can't seem to open this Exchange database... The last image won't open for me, but I'm hoping it's the alcohol you're planning to drink.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 15:26
|
|
|
GreenNight posted:Like a zip file of my porn archive. So your porn file is a peta-file? 
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 15:27
|
|
|
^^^ ^^^
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 15:29
|
|
|
Malek posted:So your porn file is a peta-file? Cyberporn?
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 15:36
|
|
|
Malek posted:So your porn file is a peta-file? Oh, I see, Peter File.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 15:51
|
|
|
Malek posted:So your porn file is a peta-file? As much as that made me sigh, well played.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 15:51
|
|
|
A frantic, need-to-know-NOW "ticket" was just yelled at the support desk by a manager:quote:"Can you connect internationally with WebEx???"
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 16:04
|
|
|
JohnnyCanuck posted:A frantic, need-to-know-NOW "ticket" was just yelled at the support desk by a manager: "Only if you pay for the international licensed version. Just make a cheque for $1500 to me. I'll handle the rest"
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 16:06
|
|
|
anthonypants posted:This e-mail from my manager just came in: Oh dear god. I would be happy to allow such verbal pap spill from my mouth... ...in the appropriate tranquilized/lobotomized flat emotionless drone. THERE IS LOTS MORE TO COME.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 16:28
|
|
|
Billy the Mountain posted:Kroll On-Track can't seem to open this Exchange database... It's cat pictures, all the way down.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 16:35
|
|
|
One time one of the log files for one of our applications got corrupted somehow (turns out his drive was failing and doing random crazy poo poo) and reported itself as like 700-something petabytes. It really was only like 10MB but it was corrupted and reporting itself as much larger than it was.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 16:40
|
|
|
ConfusedUs posted:One time one of the log files for one of our applications got corrupted somehow (turns out his drive was failing and doing random crazy poo poo) and reported itself as like 700-something petabytes. "... and this one time, I caught a spam e-mail THIIIIIIIIIIS big!"
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 17:20
|
|
|
A user asked me yesterday to define "reboot." There is no god.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 17:31
|
|
|
President Ark posted:"... and this one time, I caught a spam e-mail THIIIIIIIIIIS big!" http://i.imgur.com/hfZSc8Z.jpg
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 17:35
|
|
|
guppy posted:A user asked me yesterday to define "reboot." There is no god. "Ok, just unplug the power cord..." "What's a power cord?" This happened to me about a year ago.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 18:01
|
|
|
Commodore 64 posted:"Ok, just unplug the power cord..." Kudos towards your employer for hiring the mentally disabled.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 18:01
|
|
|
guppy posted:A user asked me yesterday to define "reboot." There is no god.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 18:04
|
|
|
Commodore 64 posted:"Ok, just unplug the power cord..." "...and that's the story of why I learned to ask "Are both ends of the power cord plugged in?""
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 18:21
|
|
|
Computers are the only tools that are required for someone's job that the person using them are not require to understand how to use.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 18:40
|
|
|
m.hache posted:Kudos towards your employer for hiring the mentally disabled. Just about every 5th company I support has someone who asks this. Its insane.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 18:43
|
|
|
CaptainGimpy posted:Computers are the only tools that are required for someone's job that the person using them are not require to understand how to use. There should be an attachment on every computer that makes it as dangerous as a piece of heavy machinery. Just a big rotating blade that activates when it detects stupid questions.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 18:49
|
|
|
MisterOblivious posted:"...and that's the story of why I learned to ask "Are both ends of the power cord plugged in?"" If you have to ask the question: Is it plugged in? And the response is "Of course it's plugged in!" It's not plugged in. 
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 19:16
|
|
|
Snuffman posted:If you have to ask the question: Is it plugged in? That's when you ask them to "Reset the Capacitor" by unplugging and plugging it back in.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 19:17
|
|
|
m.hache posted:There should be an attachment on every computer that makes it as dangerous as a piece of heavy machinery. Just a big rotating blade that activates when it detects stupid questions. Install a hidden needle in the user's mouse, so you can inject a strong sedative at command. Or just something to zap them.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 19:19
|
|
|
nielsm posted:Install a hidden needle in the user's mouse, so you can inject a strong sedative at command. A webcam that's actually a targeted citrus delivery system. "Please look directly into the camera so we can scan your retina to confirm you identity" *psfftttt* "Stop asking stupid questions"
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 19:21
|
|
|
So we employ data analysts (thats their title) whoes only job is to take data we provide then from our databases and turn them into pretty reports for management. Not one in this team of 5 knows how to use excel. Im not even talking about mildly difficult poo poo like pivot tables im talking basic tables and formula to make data look pretty. Holy poo poo how do they get and keep this job? Turns out the dbas have been pretty much doing everything for them and they put a title and their name on it.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 19:29
|
|
|
Cast_No_Shadow posted:So we employ data analysts (thats their title) whoes only job is to take data we provide then from our databases and turn them into pretty reports for management. Sounds like the guys from Office Space need to pay your company a visit.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 19:37
|
|
|
Cast_No_Shadow posted:So we employ data analysts (thats their title) whoes only job is to take data we provide then from our databases and turn them into pretty reports for management. If Excel is a requirement for the job, they should know it. However, Excel is not a requirement for my current job, and my last real experience with anything advanced was 10 years ago. I'm fine with simple tables and mathematical formulas but I frankly wouldn't know what a pivot table even is. Can anyone recommend a good refresher course? The new position that may be my  will need some Excel work and I want to make sure I can answer questions about it if it comes up.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 19:39
|
|
|
MisterOblivious posted:"...and that's the story of why I learned to ask "Are both ends of the power cord plugged in?"" That printer was plugged in. It did have power. They just didn't know how the power got from wherever to the printer. What a magical life it must be. They are already with Jesus in Heaven. Commodore 64 fucked around with this message at 19:44 on Jul 30, 2014 |
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 19:40
|
|
|
Commodore 64 posted:"Ok, just unplug the power cord..." When I used to work tech-support for an ISP, I can't count the amount of angry people who would swear up and down that their modem NEVER had a power cord. NEVER EVER!  Usually it took several minutes of asking them to explain to me how their device received power before they figured out "oh, the powercord got unplugged. We're fixed now".
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 20:01
|
|
|
ConfusedUs posted:If Excel is a requirement for the job, they should know it. A pivot table is great when used with large amounts of data as an aggregator or summarization tool. Pick out some axis and it will calculate and update averages, totals and so on for what you put in the axis (wtf is the plural for axis?). Works great with charta and is the best way I know to make a historgram, one of the few actually (commonly) useful charts. If you read and post in this thread just find and watch a ten minute youtube video on them and instantly know more than 90% of any office.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 20:05
|
|
|
ConfusedUs posted:If Excel is a requirement for the job, they should know it. Open Excel, press F1, search for 'pivot table'. Seriously, everything you want to know can be learned from the built-in help.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 20:09
|
|
|
Today 10:30am, from the MD; "My laptop is completely broken and doesn't turn on anymore, get me top of the line one today, I'll be coming to the office at 1:30pm" Okay Right off the bat I know this isn't going to work, but one does not simply say no to the managing director. Now granted we live right in the middle of the city center, getting a high spec ultrabook off the shelf is a tall order; proven by practically every retailer I called up having no stock, and not allowing store purchase anyway because of the price (What the gently caress?). The one and only place with availability would be Apple, but going down that road would be far more trouble than its worth (No beef with the hardware, just the user). I've been sending you a selection I already specced out for three weeks sir, all you had to do was pick the prettiest and I'd have sorted it. 
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 20:19
|
|
|
Snarky ticket came in from a user that always wants BIGGEST NEWEST FASTEST NOW because he's really greedy. Asked for "the largest SSD possible" for his laptop, because he's filled his standard 256GB SSD (with what, who knows?) Approved by his boss (who is a nice guy but sadly rolls over for the jerks on his team). Sent his boss a message through the ticket that I'd be purchasing his ~$3300 2TB SSD later today. Let's see whether or not he chokes on his lunch.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 20:36
|
|
|
Super Slash posted:"My laptop is completely broken and doesn't turn on anymore, get me top of the line one today, I'll be coming to the office at 1:30pm"
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 21:00
|
|
|
Cast_No_Shadow posted:(wtf is the plural for axis?) Axes, pronounced like ax-ease.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 21:03
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 16, 2024 18:04 |
|
|
Had a ticket with an odd network issue today. All sorts of intermittent packet checksum errors for a connection that went via NAT. After much head scratching I realised the NAT wasn't just changing the IP addresses in the packet headers, it was also changing the packet contents if they happened to have the appropriate IP address as a text string payload (e.g. row in a table). I'm guessing they were using some ancient consumer grade network gear. It continues to astonish me how much ancient equipment is still out there - it was only 2 years ago I came across someone still using OS/2 on their desktop...
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2014 21:41
|
|