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Al Cowens
Aug 11, 2004

by WE B Bourgeois

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les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
Brewster succeeds

Acid Haze
Feb 16, 2009

:parrot:
In The Colony, Morpheus and his one of the security guards from Dawn of the Dead decide they are unhappy with their life in the colony. So they wander out into the frozen wastelands, and, low and behold, there be zombies (or crazy cannibals, whatever). They they proceed to leave an obvious way for the zombies/cannibals to follow them back to their lovely colony, where the cannibals/zombies promptly kill everyone and it explodes. Security guard from dawn of the dead dooms the 3 survivors by marching them out into the freezing cold with no plan of any kind.

Cube 2: Hypercube is pretty hilariously bad. At the end the girl who was working as an insider for the military or something somehow escapes. Some people tell her, "good job" then shoot her in the head. Honestly that was the funniest part.

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
in matrix neo takes the red pill and says whoa

buteruc
Feb 12, 2009

In Grand Budapest Hotel I fell asleep 20 minutes in, because it looked exactly like every single other Wes Anderson movie blah blah blah pale colours, blah deep prose, blah quirky characters, blah farttttt.

I was stuck on a plane for 12 hours and I still couldn't get through it.

Blistex
Oct 30, 2003

Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler
Renaissance Man: Danny Devito is a teacher who introduces extra-retarded rapists to Shakespeare in the hopes that they will mature and grow to become normally-retarded rapists.

...of SCIENCE!
Apr 26, 2008

by Fluffdaddy
Dead Poet's Society: White people, eh eh eh eh eh

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Handle with Caution
Nap Ghost

...of SCIENCE! posted:

Dead Poet's Society: White people, eh eh eh eh eh

thats a spoiler for pretty much all hollywood movies

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Pumpy Muffinz posted:

thats a spoiler for pretty much all hollywood movies

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwJhmqLU0so

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Handle with Caution
Nap Ghost

noice

Great Joe
Aug 13, 2008

In Batman, Jack Nicholson dances to Prince a lot.

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe

buteruc posted:

In Snowpiercer, people live in a train and eat babies. And the only good parts were with Tilda Swinton. The rest of it was a giant pile of poo poo.

Also the only surviving members of humanity are eaten by a polar bear.

Because gently caress this movie, that's why.

Well, glad I skipped this piece of poo poo

newreply.php
Dec 24, 2009

Pillbug
in Expendables 3, Terry Crews dies like 10 minutes into the movie, gently caress this poo poo

Cake Smashing Boob
Nov 5, 2008

I support black genocide
lots of fake spoilers for this one but here's the real deal

The Sixth Sense

it's literally gaydar and Bruce Willis has been gay all along

Cake Smashing Boob fucked around with this message at 18:40 on Aug 7, 2014

buteruc
Feb 12, 2009

ElGroucho posted:

Well, glad I skipped this piece of poo poo

No, you should see it. I feel like it's something everyone needs to experience at least once.

Mostly because I'm angry to have suffered alone.

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
in jumanji the whole movie is poo poo and rob-will is an unfunny hack and it turns out its all a dream after all

Tsinava
Nov 15, 2009

by Ralp
In Akira, uh this happens: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQT4qB-RFjk

In What Dreams May Come Robin Williams dies in a car crash with all his children and they all go to heaven and his wife later kills herself and she goes to hell and he goes to hell to save her and cuba gooding jr is there and there are christian overtones i think. its a sunday school movie

In Spirited Away an eleven year old girls parents who are heavily in debt stop by an abandoned fairground and her parents set up a camp and sedate her, but not fully and also give her heavy doses of psychedelic drugs and proceed to prostitute her to random individuals over the course of two months. They then corroborate their daughters story of whatever she experienced during her hallucination to the police. The story apparently involved both of them being turned into pigs which is quite fitting.

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
in cloud atlas tom hanks speaks with a really dumb fake accent and the asian chick from the future turns out to be the jungle people's god

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
mills

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
in chinatown jack daniels gets his nose cut off

Ivor Biggun
Apr 30, 2003

A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula

Lipstick Apathy
In Donnie Darko none of the pointless bullshit in the movie actually happens and Donnie dies after a jet engine falls on his house.

BearJazz
Oct 28, 2007

I love being the goddamn BATMAN.
Chasing Amy tells us that what lesbians really want are one-dimensional neckbeards.

Ivor Biggun
Apr 30, 2003

A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula

Lipstick Apathy
In 28 Weeks Later the moronic plan to re-colonise the world's biggest biohazard site is derailed when two unsupervised children cause the end of the world.

Harrower
Nov 30, 2002
Grover is the monster at the end of the book

Ivor Biggun
Apr 30, 2003

A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula

Lipstick Apathy
In Prometheus due to poor editing decisions a bunch of people with no discernible motivation or backstory stumble around in an alien bioweapons facility until they get killed. Also Jesus was an alien.

Nathilus
Apr 4, 2002

I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

you are missing the main thrust of the movie. its about how two gay lovers react to a bigoted society. they both go so far into the closet that they end up hating each other and screaming one anothers' names with a REALLY homo subtext until THAT happens.

buteruc
Feb 12, 2009

In Upside Down, poo poo is filmed upside down all the time and it's so loving annoying. There was some love story but I couldn't follow it because half of the loving movie was upside down.

gently caress.

FizFashizzle
Mar 30, 2005








Painfully boring movie.

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

bucksmash posted:

In Howard the Duck a bunch of LAZERS somehow teleport a talking duck to Earth who kicks it with Marty McFly's mom. Also the same LAZERZ teleport a tooth-filled vagina monster from space over too, so they fight that.

All people really need to know is Dr Bong isn't the villain.

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥

Ivor Biggun posted:

In Prometheus due to poor editing decisions a bunch of people with no discernible motivation or backstory stumble around in an alien bioweapons facility until they get killed. Also Jesus was an alien.

platedlizard
Aug 31, 2012

I like plates and lizards.
In Battlefield Earth cavemen fly fighter jets that haven't been serviced in a thousand years and then nuke John Travolta's home planet. Also they raid Fort Knox .

StdNormDist
May 2, 2010
In The Other Woman your girlfriend/wife makes you watch a terrible movie that desperately tries to make it up to you by casting Kate Upton. Also includes Niki Minaj, inexplicably.

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥

platedlizard posted:

In Battlefield Earth cavemen fly fighter jets that haven't been serviced in a thousand years and then nuke John Travolta's home planet. Also they raid Fort Knox .

this sounds pretty good im going to check it out, thanks

platedlizard
Aug 31, 2012

I like plates and lizards.

Soag posted:

this sounds pretty good im going to check it out, thanks


One of the cavemen rides a horse through a shopping mall and another gets his head blown off with a necklace.

Also John Travolta's wife has a really long tongue.

I feel this is a really underrated movie to be honest. You should see it at least once.

Nathilus
Apr 4, 2002

I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Soag posted:

this sounds pretty good im going to check it out, thanks

I was workin at a theater at the time this came out. A month or so beforehand, a bunch of us had stayed after work to screen some new movie that was coming out. The Skulls, I think. The trailer for battlefield earth came on and the dozen or so people in the theater were dead quiet until this part where Travolta was being a bad guy and giving a giant "im gonna destroy earth suckahs" monologue with these two giant noseplugs stuck up his nostrils, sounding like he had the world's worst head cold. Never before or since have I heard such raucous laughter as I did in that nearly-empty theater. I don't know if the whole movie is so bad its funny like that, however. Never got around to actually watching it. I suspect it is one of those things thats better left to the imagination.

FizFashizzle
Mar 30, 2005







there's a scene in battlefield earth when john travolta, to show how badass he is, just starts shooting the legs off an entire herd of cows with his laser whatever.

like one at a time, just mutilating the poor things.

i don't remember what the point of that scene was, just that barry pepper seemed upset by it.

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH
josh brolin bangs his hot daughter in Oldboy but decides that he likes staying at samuel l jacksons five star hotel

Twitch
Apr 15, 2003

by Fluffdaddy

platedlizard posted:

In Battlefield Earth cavemen fly fighter jets that haven't been serviced in a thousand years and then nuke John Travolta's home planet. Also they raid Fort Knox .

The best thing I can say about the book Battlefield Earth is that it's better than the movie.

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
in Big Hero 6 there's a robot, and he dies at the end of the movie

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Indubitable Leg
Aug 9, 2013

Soag posted:

in Big Hero 6 there's a robot, and he dies at the end of the movie

That was the Iron Giant. :mad:

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