Khazar-khum posted:

Anime!

Raenir K. Artemi posted:

self-respecting cosplayer

an rear end in a top hat posted:

My wife and I had free tickets to the dollar theater. Hey, a free movie at the dollar theater is still a free movie. We check showtimes for 'Captain America: Winter Soldier' and of course get there with plenty of time to get drinks, find a seat and sit down. Now, there were only two showings, one around noon and one at 6:50, we were at the 6:50 showing.

At first I'm happy, my wife and I fought through the concession stand behind three families who think it's cute and a good idea to let their 3 y.o. daughter decide what kind of candy she wants (I work in sales, you know how I get people to make a choice? I hold up two options and I tell them to pick one. Putting kids in front of giant windows of candy and saying pick something is asking for the people behind you to punch you in the face over and over again). We get to the theater, sit down in an empty aisle and enjoy our food. The lights dim, I can hear a kid behind me which makes me make a joke about shutting up kids during the advert about turning off cellphones.

About 30 minutes into the movie the usher walks a family to the aisle my wife and I are on, and they sit down. The father's cellphone rings shortly there after and he sits there and takes the loving call. I sit there, watching the movie and say loudly "Hey rear end in a top hat, off the phone." He ends the call at that point. I then start to wonder if he'll be waiting for me after the movie ends. I don't care. About halfway into the movie the usher walks another family into the movie and to my aisle. This is pissing me off. This, by the way, has been happening in the entire movie. Families coming in and sitting down around me (I'm near the front of the movie theater because my wife has bad eyes), so I'm now surrounded by kids who don't want to be quiet. Okay, the movie 'Rio 2' is also playing, why the hell are you in 'Captain America 2'.

The usher escorts a family to my row and the mother comes up to me "Excuse me, can you please move, there my family needs these seats." I stay seated. My wife starts to move, I move my hand to block her. I look the woman in the eye and I tell her "No." She looks shocked. "I was here before the movie started, this is where my wife and I are sitting, now, leave, I'm watching this movie."

She says "But I need these seats for my kids."

"That's your problem." I reply, "Because if you're saying that you having kids means that you get to tell me to change seats, we're going to have a problem, I am not getting out of this seat until the movie is over."

She leaves and the usher shows up "Sir, can you please give up your seat."

"Bring me your manager." I order.

"I just need you to-"

"Get your manager because I want to let him or her know that I've been here this entire time and you are asking a paying customer to give up the seat he's paid for to a oval office with kids, and I'm missing the movie because you believe that her having kids is more important than me not having kids."

The usher walks away and tells the woman that he can put her on a different aisle.

When the credits rolled I looked to my wife and said "It was a good movie, however, the experience sucked." I finished off my drink and said "Why the gently caress do these god drat parents bring their kids who can't stay quiet for more than two minutes to a movie and ruin everyone else's time?"

A father in the row in front of me looks me down as he's leading his kids out. I look him in the eye and said "Yeah, I said it, and I'm talking about your kids."

After I spoke to the manager. More free tickets. The usher apparently broke the rules by asking me to leave.

Pidmon posted:

I kid, I kid, but I know it's super easy for me to fall into a fast food trap rather than go to a real place to eat.

As real as a Penthouse letter but far more poorly written posted:

So I'm an athlete and I work out every day and go in the sauna. When I'm there, I usually see this one guy, let's call him Dave. Dave runs a sandwich shop on a street... let's call it Smallway. Dave's Sammy's on Smallway.

Anyway, I see Dave in the Sauna a lot. Dave talks about his 3 daughters and how into sports they are, and how his wife always plays jokes on him by leaving Subway sandwiches on his desk, etc.

Also note, Dave has that mixed-race, brown complexion that is very mulatto.

Anyway, fast forward a few months. This time I'm in the sauna and this voluptuous woman struts in. I'm doing LSit compression work so my abs are super swollen and I basically see her drooling because she can't stop staring at me. She had earbuds in. I decided to speak up:

"Have a phone?"

"Excuse me?"

"Most phones these days can take pictures."

"Oh shush."

"Hey I'm just saying I saw you looking."

"Is that a crime? I mean obviously you've spent a lot of time on your physique."

There was some more back-and-forth that was pretty flirty. I gave her my number since my phone wasn't with me. When I got out of the shower, she texted me a picture of her cleavage, asking "How many likes do you think this would get on instagram?"

At this point, I am making GBS threads my pants, because my ultimate boyhood fantasy is coming true.

Fast forward a week. We've been trading hot selfies and sexting for the past few days. I asked when we could possibly hang, and this is when she drops the bomb that she's married, and it would have to be discreet.

So um... my uh-oh feeling is sort of going, but gently caress it, I am so horny for this sexy, olive-skinned MILF...

She said that she'd only get the opportunity to go out by herself on her birthday and have a reasonable excuse. Well today was her birthday.

She rented a room that is "not to far from her work", she said in passing. We agreed on a time, and then she texted me the room number. I walked up and knocked on 255. She ushered me in, telling me about how hard she's been working on her tan. I took off my shirt and said that mine wasn't as good as hers, but we could still compare...

I took off her shirt and threw her on the bed. I pinned her hands above her and was grinding my throbbing self into her when she said in a hushed whisper "oh and I also have a little camera going I hope that you don't mind."

I'm about to have sex with a MILF. Of course I don't mind.

We gently caress. Over and over. For about an hour straight. Screaming, moaning, bed frame knocking on the wall. Just rough, raucous loving. I sort of got too into it and forgot I was being recorded. The entire time I'm telling her things like
"Do you like being a naughty little hotwife? Do you like it when another man slams that wet MILF pussy? It's so much hotter since it's so wrong....

And she's just like "YES, YES, I LOVE IT"

And then I left, and suddenly I realized the hotel she booked that was "conveniently close to where she works" was on Smallway... and poo poo... I look down two blocks, and there is Dave's Sammy's.

And, poo poo. I just got home. And yeah. This is what I'm dealing with. I hosed up bad. Had to get it off my chest.

moerketid posted:

Regarding the Dr Pepper given to infants:
Not gonna lie I had a terrible mother and she gave me soda (Irn Bru) from my baby bottle as an infant because it was an easy thing to content me with.

posted:

Guitar Anti-Hero
HIGH SCHOOL | NC, USA | MUSICAL MAYHEM, STUDENTS
(I am in a study period, and a lot of people are just sitting in the same room for three or four hours with nothing to do. One of my classmates has a guitar. This classmate approaches a teacher.)

Girl: *to teacher* “Excuse me, do you mind if I play my guitar a bit?”

(The teacher okays it, and the girl just strums randomly for several minutes. I approach her.)

Me: “Hey, can I see your guitar for a sec?”

Girl: “Uh, sure…”

(I proceeded to tune the guitar, play several Beatles songs and sing them, and then hand the guitar back. The girl just stared at her guitar and then slowly put it back in its case.)

ibntumart posted:

Some dude who has a weird obsession with skin colour

Palisader posted:

I know this is STDH, but number one, is Dave's Sammy's literally the only business on what the gently caress ever fake street name? And number two seriously, this dude has a weird obsession with describing people based on their skin colour. What does Dave being a 'mulatto' have to do with his 'olive skinned beauty'?

bringmyfishback posted:

You mean you had a fantastic mother because Irn Bru is loving delicious? I agree!


I don't believe this at all! No one stood up and clapped and he didn't play "Bohemian Rhapsody"!

bringmyfishback posted:

You mean you had a fantastic mother because Irn Bru is loving delicious? I agree!


I don't believe this at all! No one stood up and clapped and he didn't play "Bohemian Rhapsody"!

FrozenVent posted:

What the gently caress kind of study period lasts three or four hours, what the gently caress kind of teacher allows people to just play music during study hall?

They don't even try, do they?

quote:

"Why the gently caress do these god drat parents bring their kids who can't stay quiet for more than two minutes to a movie and ruin everyone else's time?"

Pththya-lyi posted:

Because babysitters are often too expensive for poorer people. I'm childless myself, but I don't begrudge parents their night out.

DangerDummy! posted:

Having worked in restaurants my entire adult life, that anecdote isn't even remotely unbelievable. I've heard (and experienced) scores of stories just like it. It's just dumb poo poo servers find hilarious. Christ, people still unironically order quesadillas phonetically.

Guilty posted:

Even if that's true, I don't know any first world country that wouldn't consider that assault and prosecute the uncle. You don't have to loving buy a lawyer to get an arrest in this case

walrusman posted:

The DA says only 40,000 more tumblr notes before he'll file charges!

posted:

"We get lots of tourists in my family's coffee shop (read: people who have never been in there or probably any other independent coffee shop before and are utterly thrown off when you tell them you can't make a frappuccino). One day, this guy comes in and asks for a coffee, "regular." In Massachusetts, that tends to mean cream and sugar. I get him his coffee and tell him that the cream and sugar is behind him at the creamer station.

He stops and stares at me. "But how am I supposed to know how much to put in?"

"Put in some, and when it looks like what you like, or tastes like what you like, stop," I responded.

"No, but you don't understand, I don't know how much to put in. You're supposed to do that for me. It's what you're paid for."

I calmly explain to him that no, we do not put the cream and sugar in for him, there is a line behind him of people (who all know how much loving cream to put in their own coffee) and he can go over to the creamer station and make up his coffee. If he puts too much cream or sugar in and can't drink it, I'll get him another coffee. "Well, come over and do it for me."

I tried to explain to him that I will have no idea how much he wants me to put in, because I don't know how he takes his coffee. He gets quite exasperated at this point. "JUST PUT IN AS MUCH AS THE OTHER COFFEE SHOPS!"

I tell him that I don't train at "other coffee shops" just so I can know how much cream and sugar people like him (by which I secretly mean dumbasses) like in their coffee, I just work at this one, and he needs to leave the counter now.

I should point out, this man was about 50. He has lasted 50 years on this planet with no idea how much cream and sugar he should put in his coffee."

PUGGERNAUT posted:

bringmyfishback posted:

I can't tell if this is STDH or not:

quote:

It sounds pretty plausible, but where besides Tim Horton's do the people behind the counter add your cream and sugar for you?

tacodaemon posted:

He's still going to make the victim hire the prosecuting attorney instead of using someone from the DA's office though!

Minarch posted:

Honestly, children act just like animals in the movie theater. You might even say, these kids aren't humans.

Desk Lamp posted:

You mean to tell me these kids...are inhuman!?

Book of Gord posted:

Can't Read Your Crazy Moon Language!
"Could you order me in a copy of Final Fantasy 9 from Japan? I don't want to wait till it comes out here."

"Uhm, sure. It'll be about $95 for a new copy imported from Japan, and it'll take about two weeks."

Game arrives, customer buys, and customer returns.

"Hey! I can't read the game! It's in Chinese!"

"Actually, it's in Japanese. Being it's a Japanese game, for Japanese gamers, in Japan."

"I can't read it."

"Well, just what did you think the game would be in? English?"

"They should be."

"I'll let them know."

RagnarokAngel posted:

In retro stdh.txt I'm surprised this site still exists:


How did this happen if you needed your playstation modded? I would assume someone who went to the trouble of modding their system would know that Japan speaks...Japanese.

bringmyfishback posted:

I can't tell if this is STDH or not:


It sounds pretty plausible, but where besides Tim Horton's do the people behind the counter add your cream and sugar for you?

Centripetal Horse posted:

Acts of Gord was pretty awesome. I still go back every few years and re-read the stories. You can actually see the slide from "probably happened pretty much like he said" to "complete poo poo that didn't happen." Even the poo poo that didn't happen is mostly pretty entertaining.

Hoover Dam posted:

Dunkin' Donuts, and "regular" is 2 cream, 2 sugar. This is entirely plausible if the man ordering coffee has spent his life in New England.

Hoover Dam posted:

Dunkin' Donuts, and "regular" is 2 cream, 2 sugar. This is entirely plausible if the man ordering coffee has spent his life in New England.

MAKE NO BABBYS posted:

In Australia it is also common.

Facebook posted:

EVERYBODY SHOULD READ THIS!!!!!!!!!
REPOST...IT CAN SAVE A LIFE OR TWO!!!
WARNING: Some knew about the red light on cars, but not Dialing 112.
An UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on. Lauren's parents have always told her to never pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc.

Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called, 112 on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her. The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she was and there weren't, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back up already on the way.

Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind. They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.
I never knew about the 112 Cell Phone feature. I tried it on my AT&T phone & it said, "Dialing Emergency Number."
Especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car. Apparently police have to respect your right to keep going on to a safe place.

*Speaking to a service representative at Bell Mobility confirmed that 112 was a direct link to State trooper info. So, now it's your turn to let your friends know about "Dialing, 112"

You may want to send this to every Man, Woman & Youngster you know; it may well save a life.

This applies to ALL 50 states
PLEASE PASS ALONG TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY, IT CAN SAVE A LIFE....

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=dialing+112

FrozenVent posted:

Christ, that's an old one.

http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/fakecop.asp

It won't necessarily work in all fifty states, you're better off just calling 911. That being said, people have apparently attacked women by pretending to be cops and pulling them over.

GreenMetalSun posted:

Ah, yes. That is definitely what bruises and electrical burns look like and it bears no resemblance to makeup at all.

Amazing that despite a brutal beating and near rape, it's perfectly even and uniform and your skin is still totally flawless.

FrozenVent posted:

Christ, that's an old one.

http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/fakecop.asp

It won't necessarily work in all fifty states, you're better off just calling 911. That being said, people have apparently attacked women by pretending to be cops and pulling them over.