Microsoft: ~*spooky thread*~ post if you dare

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > Microsoft: ~*spooky thread*~ post if you dare

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Blackula69: Apr 1, 2007; ＤＥＨＵＭＡＮＩＺＥＹＯＵＲＳＥＬＦ＆ＦＡＣＥＴＯＢＬＡＣＵＬＡ

infernal machines posted:

no but we will get to see them pawing as the screen with increasing frustration as their sweaty hands fail to register on the digitizer

i wonder how many will be literally thrown out of frustration

some 330lb offensive lineman with sausage fingers pawing at the screen trying to see the d-line stunts

# ? Aug 5, 2014 16:25

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# ? May 9, 2024 05:50

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Blackula69 posted:

some 330lb offensive lineman with sausage fingers pawing at the screen trying to see the d-line stunts

i seriously expect some violence to occur.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 16:32

pram: Jun 10, 2001

graph posted:

how many sarnsung galaxy tabs did you see on the nhl benches last season

how many did I see?? ... none ...

# ? Aug 5, 2014 16:43

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

pram posted:

how many did I see?? ... none ...

# ? Aug 5, 2014 19:16

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

http://www.computerworld.com/s/article/9250144/Surface_damage_mounts_at_Microsoft_as_red_ink_reaches_1.7B

quote:

Some of the money in the cost of revenue -- and thus in the negative gross margin, or loss -- was due to a write-off Microsoft took for the quarter. The write-off, which wasn't tied to a dollar amount, was to cover costs of designing and producing an unknown number of Surface Mini tablets. "Current year cost of revenue included Surface inventory adjustments resulting from our transition to newer generation devices and a decision to not ship a new form factor," the company said in the July 22 8-K (emphasis added).

Microsoft was set to launch the smaller-screen Surface Mini alongside the Surface Pro 3 in May, but changed its mind at the last moment, reportedly because it feared the tablet would not sell well.

one point seven billion united states dollars and counting

# ? Aug 5, 2014 19:17

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

qirex posted:

one point seven billion united states dollars and counting

gotta spend money to make money, yo

does that include the $900m they had to write off on unsold surface ones and the $500m promotion budget they threw at that?

# ? Aug 5, 2014 19:24

Thanks Ants: May 21, 2004; #essereFerrari

i'd assume marketing counts as cost of sales but this is microsoft so who knows

# ? Aug 5, 2014 20:04

univbee: Jun 3, 2004

Thanks Ants posted:

i'd assume marketing counts as cost of sales but this is microsoft so who knows

well, they did have to localize this ad several times, down to changing the "friends" names to better match the names of people you're likely to know

Japanese Windows 8 ad

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASJUZChXKgg

Same ad, English version (all UI elements redone in English and "Friends" given more English-sounding names)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giZcbCh4CtU

Same ad, English version localized for Singapore (same as previous ad but "Friends" are renamed with generic Singapore names)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UJUVDiFhk8

# ? Aug 5, 2014 20:06

Miley Virus: Apr 9, 2010

univbee posted:

Same ad, English version localized for Singapore (same as previous ad but "Friends" are renamed with generic Singapore names)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UJUVDiFhk8

also sped up by 33% for some reasosn

# ? Aug 6, 2014 11:24

Miley Virus: Apr 9, 2010

i guess singapore has smaller regular ad spots?

# ? Aug 6, 2014 11:24

univbee: Jun 3, 2004

Miley Virus posted:

i guess singapore has smaller regular ad spots?

probably. i don't know if they still do, but japan at one point had a game show where the prize was on-air time to pitch your product, the number of seconds you got based on how well you did

it was great if you wanted to practice listening to people speaking really, really fast due to only having 3 seconds of time at the end

# ? Aug 6, 2014 13:17

bring back old gbs: Feb 28, 2007; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

univbee posted:

probably. i don't know if they still do, but japan at one point had a game show where the prize was on-air time to pitch your product, the number of seconds you got based on how well you did

it was great if you wanted to practice listening to people speaking really, really fast due to only having 3 seconds of time at the end

this would be cool if they could expand it to also include conspiracy theories for the western audience. like a gong show dragons den

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:34

Scott Forstall: Aug 16, 2003; MMM THAT FAUX LEATHER

quote:

Tech giant Microsoft is in negotiations to open its first ever New York City retail store on Fifth Ave., sources told the Daily News.

The deal, at 677 Fifth Ave. near 53rd St., would give Microsoft a splashy presence on the top retail corridor in the country and put it just a stone's throw from its biggest rival Apple�s iconic glass cube store.

"For Microsoft to land on Fifth Avenue just a few blocks from Apple would certainly be interesting," said Faith Hope Consolo, a top retail broker with Douglas Elliman, who was not involved in the deal. "It would be very dramatic."

The 8,700-square-foot, two-story space eyed by Microsoft was last occupied by luxury fashion brand Fendi, which departed the building last year for a spot on Madison Ave. A spokesman for commercial brokerage Cushman & Wakefield, which is marketing the space for lease, did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

Rents for ground floor stores on prime Fifth Ave., are the priciest in the nation and have been topping $3,500 per square foot in recent deals, Consolo said.

The building, at 677 Fifth Ave., is not far from Apple�s famous Fifth Ave. store
Spokespersons for Microsoft and for the landlord, Asian conglomerate King Fook, were also unavailable.

For its part, Microsoft has a track record of setting up shop near Apple stores, where it can go head to head with its competitor at close proximity. It has reportedly used that tactic numerous times at its Palo Alto outposts.

The company last flirted with New York retail in 2012, when it opened a temporary pop-up store in Times Square for the holidays. It�s been on the hunt for a more permanent home since then.

lmao good luck

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:06

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Scott Forstall posted:

lmao good luck

the statue of liberty, times square, the empire state building, the metropolitan museum of art...oooooh, and the microsoft flagship store! can't leave nyc without seeing that!

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:24

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

every Microsoft store I've seen was directly adjacent to an apple store , larger, and far emptier of people. they cannot be making any money from these. I'm sure someone in the management keeps repeating "apple stores weren't immediately profitable", but how long can they keep this up?

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:29

bring back old gbs: Feb 28, 2007; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Scott Forstall posted:

lmao good luck

jfc...there is no picard shame emoticon big enough. they sell ~10 products in their stores which is pretty slim pickins even for a mall kiosk that sells bedazzled iphone cases..,

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:37

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

do microsoft stores actually sell computes yet or just surfaces and windows phones

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:38

bring back old gbs: Feb 28, 2007; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

hrmmmm....gonna need some prime real estate to display type covers AND touch covers. better stick the xbone demo station just outside the storefront so we have the room required to display the arc mouse

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:39

brap: Aug 23, 2004; Grimey Drawer

I sometimes think about how Apple is incapable of designing a good mouse and then I remember microsofts ridiculous avant-garde mouse designs.

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:42

Pinterest Mom: Jun 9, 2009

Sniep posted:

do microsoft stores actually sell computes yet or just surfaces and windows phones

they've always sold computers

and one of the rules is actually that vendors aren't allowed to put crapware on pcs sold in ms stores so it's the best place to buy a windows

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:42

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

Pinterest Mom posted:

they've always sold computers

and one of the rules is actually that vendors aren't allowed to put crapware on pcs sold in ms stores so it's the best place to buy a windows

thats weird the microsoft store near me didnt sell any, just surface tablet computers and phones

and then they downsized from an apple store size to a kart in the walkway like the dudes trying to sell those little helecopters, or all the shiny tin foil things you hang from a ceiling, or shirts that have meme faces on them and bold punchlines like "step back bro!" and "For the lose!"

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:43

bring back old gbs: Feb 28, 2007; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Sniep posted:

and then they downsized from an apple store size to a kart in the walkway like the dudes trying to sell those little helecopters, or all the shiny tin foil things you hang from a ceiling, or shirts that have meme faces on them and bold punchlines like "step back bro!" and "For the lose!"

this is the exact perfect type of store microsoft should have. basically ms should build their stores on the hotdog cart model

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:46

pram: Jun 10, 2001

the one time i went into the microsoft store some guy accosted me about a nokia lumia

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:47

taco_fox: Dec 14, 2005

Scott Forstall posted:

lmao good luck

didn't that temporary store in Times Square have a live cam and it was completely empty at all times?

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:48

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

homo punching bag posted:

basically ms should build their stores on the hotdog cart model

i think you mean hotdog stand model

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:49

bring back old gbs: Feb 28, 2007; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

FMguru posted:

i think you mean hot dog stand model

i cant even joke right plz hire me for store mngr.

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:50

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

homo punching bag posted:

i cant even joke right plz hire me for store mngr.

sorry they already filled that position (with unit-02)

# ? Aug 7, 2014 01:56

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

microsoft stores would do much better if they stocked some bsaic components (hard drives, memory, etc) as well as a better variety of common accessories (headphones, speakers, flash drives, etc) and also pc software via custom flahs drive (no discs, pick what you want at a kiosk thingy, it's loaded onto a verified Microsoft flash thingy and then you can install on your machine).

they could also rotate branded shirts/merch in a small space in the back corner, that'd net a not insignificant number of ironic sales (

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:07

Beeftweeter: Jun 28, 2005; OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN

fleshweasel posted:

I sometimes think about how Apple is incapable of designing a good mouse and then I remember microsofts ridiculous avant-garde mouse designs.

for real logitech is the only good mouse manufacturer and their os x drivers are the biggest pile of poo poo since the microsoft surface landfill

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:10

pram: Jun 10, 2001

mice are really lovely these days... ive had like 3 logitechs develop this awful double clicking issue. microsoft used to make good mouses

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:12

mod sassinator: Dec 13, 2006; I came here to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum,
and I'm All out of Ass

The windows 9 backpedaling continues, this time the charms bar hidden on the right side of apps might get the axe: http://www.zdnet.com/microsofts-windows-threshold-expected-to-add-virtual-desktops-drop-charms-7000032401/

quote:

Winbeta suggested that Microsoft might eliminate the Charms Bar for desktop users, not tablet users. But my sources say the Charms Bar will be going away completely for all desktop, laptop and tablet users with Threshold.

Existing "modern" Windows 8 apps will get title bars that include menus that have the charms components listed. Settings already has its own tile (it's part of the default Start screen since Windows 8.1 Update). The concept of "contracts" � or agreements between apps � will continue to exist, even once Charms are gone, my sources say. But apps will need to include a share button to provide the same functionality as the share charm, if developers want to add that feature.

Haha drat, I remember they made so much fuss about charms being this amazing thing that will save you mouse clicks. :byewhore:

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:13

bring back old gbs: Feb 28, 2007; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

duTrieux. posted:

microsoft stores would do much better if they stocked some bsaic components (hard drives, memory, etc) as well as a better variety of common accessories (headphones, speakers, flash drives, etc) and also pc software via custom flahs drive (no discs, pick what you want at a kiosk thingy, it's loaded onto a verified Microsoft flash thingy and then you can install on your machine).

they could also rotate branded shirts/merch in a small space in the back corner, that'd net a not insignificant number of ironic sales (

lmao @ these legit decent ideas. such wasted breath

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:13

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

i found charms out by accident on our surface unit at work

how is a user supposed to infer that you're supposed to do that? there's not even little drawer pull tabs like on the iphone

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:16

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Sniep posted:

i found charms out by accident on our surface unit at work

how is a user supposed to infer that you're supposed to do that? there's not even little drawer pull tabs like on the iphone

the first time a user logs into widows 8 there's a long, obnoxious, and unskippable "how to use windows 8 with a mouse" thing

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:20

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

charms are the most useless things ever, the only functional one is search and i always call that up with win+q so in short charm my neg rear end in a top hat

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:20

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

duTrieux. posted:

the first time a user logs into widows 8 there's a long, obnoxious, and unskippable "how to use windows 8 with a mouse" thing

oh wow

this was on a surface tho not a desktop so no mouse

also i didn't unbox it or anything so if there were any forced tutorial shits i missed them

i dont recall the ipad having a tutorial tho

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:21

pram: Jun 10, 2001

Authentically digital

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:22

mod sassinator: Dec 13, 2006; I came here to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum,
and I'm All out of Ass

Sniep posted:

i found charms out by accident on our surface unit at work

how is a user supposed to infer that you're supposed to do that? there's not even little drawer pull tabs like on the iphone

clearly you don't understand the sinofsky vision of windows 8 and should just use your surface as a skateboard

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:24

Nintendo Kid: Aug 4, 2011; by Smythe

microsoft still owning

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:26

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# ? May 9, 2024 05:50

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

homo punching bag posted:

lmao @ these legit decent ideas. such wasted breath

ikr

seriously, all they have to do is put up a rack of 80s-style ms-dos and 90s windows 95 shirts

they'd sell themselves

# ? Aug 7, 2014 02:31

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > Microsoft: ~*spooky thread*~ post if you dare

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