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nice degloving
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Aug 5, 2014 23:34
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Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:whats wrong with android? It's for people that think Apple is too mainstream.
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Aug 6, 2014 00:39
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iPhone = hipsters, chicks Android = geeks, nerds, poors Windows Mobile = loving weirdos
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Aug 6, 2014 21:03
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shyduck posted:iPhone = hipsters, chicks Blackberry = doctor who is currently on call
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Aug 6, 2014 21:10
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Booblord Zagats posted:Blackberry = doctor who is currently on call Blackberry = retail managers who want to look "business oriented"
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Aug 6, 2014 21:30
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shyduck posted:iPhone = hipsters, chicks Motorola Razr = normal people
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Aug 6, 2014 21:32
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Justin Godscock posted:Blackberry = retail managers who want to look "business oriented" Blackberry = time travelers from 2010 chitoryu12 posted:Motorola Razr = normal people time travelers from 2005
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Aug 6, 2014 21:32
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shyduck posted:iPhone = hipsters, chicks I'm still rocking this bad boy from '08:  Insanely bad reception, camera so blurry the only way you can tell there's a particular object in a picture is if it's silhouetted by a bright light, obnoxious magenta-white-teal color scheme, a UI that consists of lots of lists and indecipherable pink hieroglyphs, and no alarm clock. Amazon claims it has a music player, but I've never seen any evidence of that. The only reason I still own one is that it's loving indestructible and I'm too cheap to replace it before it breaks. Eugene V. Dubstep fucked around with this message at 21:37 on Aug 6, 2014 |
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Aug 6, 2014 21:34
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at the date posted:I'm still rocking this bad boy from '08: Can confirm for indestructible. Mine got wet one too many times and I could only access things if the keyboard was opened, including calls. I would have to slide the keyboard out to answer the phone like some sort of ghetto Matrix poo poo. Also, if it died, I would have to resuscitate it buy doing a combination of plugging it in without the battery, rapidly putting the battery back in, then unplugging and replugging it to turn it back on since the power button stopped working. Like, yeah it was barely hanging on, but that fucker refused to give up. Idiotchat: One of my good friends (and an actually smart/worldly/good dude who just had a moment of stupidity) jettisoned his equipment on accident on a jump, from at least 200 feet in the air, and he had a PRC-150 and laptop among the usual doodads like nods and rifle. His nods were completely smashed literally into a fine powder, his PEQ-15 was crushed like a lightbulb, the lens on his ACOG cracked, and the faceplate of the PRC-150 was completely shattered and the main radio body dented. The laptop was fine other than the fact it wouldn't turn on. They launched an investigation and I think he ended up only having to pay $250, luckily enough. Justin Tyme fucked around with this message at 21:44 on Aug 6, 2014 |
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Aug 6, 2014 21:38
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I got a Droid X because the battery lasts for loving ever and the iphone was like $200 more at the time
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Aug 6, 2014 21:42
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PCjr sidecar posted:Blackberry = time travelers from 2010 Yeah, even noted forward looking organization the US military has moved their official cell phones over to iPhones from Blackberries.
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Aug 6, 2014 21:44
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There's this guy who shows up in our shop to jabber at the infrastructure guys about his phone all the time. The kind of idiot who upgrades phones at least a couple times a year, likes to explain that he keeps the bloc and the accessories in pristine condition so it can later be resold to other idiots to feed his habit. When people in COMM think you're a weirdo you probably need to take a good hard look at yourself.
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Aug 6, 2014 21:53
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iyaayas01 posted:Yeah, even noted forward looking organization the US military has moved their official cell phones over to iPhones from Blackberries. The true reason we will never go to war with China.
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Aug 6, 2014 21:58
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Booblord Zagats posted:Blackberry = doctor who is currently on call Blackberry = People that don't know other phones can push email as well.
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Aug 7, 2014 01:06
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Justin Tyme posted:
That guy lucked out. We had a FNG yard sale all of his gear upon exit, just scattering his sensitive items + weapon + gear all over this fuckoff huge dropzone; leading to a company-wide police call that took nearly 7hrs to recover just about everything. I don't know if it was those dumb quick-releases that failed or if he just panicked and hit them. 
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Aug 7, 2014 02:12
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shyduck posted:iPhone = ftfy
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Aug 7, 2014 03:42
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movax posted:ftfy  A mod in the software forum is none of those things.
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Aug 7, 2014 03:48
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mods have dreams too
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Aug 7, 2014 04:11
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mostly about not getting caught
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Aug 7, 2014 04:16
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McSpatula posted:That guy lucked out. We had a FNG yard sale all of his gear upon exit, just scattering his sensitive items + weapon + gear all over this fuckoff huge dropzone; leading to a company-wide police call that took nearly 7hrs to recover just about everything. I don't know if it was those dumb quick-releases that failed or if he just panicked and hit them. Not knowing poo poo about airborne stuff the first time I read this I thought it was some e-nothing who literally sold his gear at a yard sale upon separation. Not that I'm saying that poo poo hasn't happened a million times, too. I remember an Air Force security forces dude who got busted trying to sell a pair of nods on e-bay 
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Aug 7, 2014 06:18
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A buddy of mine told me about how in his class at BAC, some dude jettisoned his poo poo too early and it fell through some other dude's chute, dropping him and paralyzing him. gently caress thaaaaaaaat
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Aug 7, 2014 06:50
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On another JOAX (big brigade-wide airfield seizure training exercise), we had a new guy (who was loving retard-dumb) who only recently got to the unit. Upon landing, said idiot discovered that he couldn't figure out how to mount his nods properly/they didn't want to clip in. So what does he do? He leaves them there. Right there in the middle of the field at Holland DZ. In the confusion, he is apparently late to the assembly area/gets lost as gently caress and ends up on the airstrip where all the simulated Latin America airport buildings are. Poor dipshit has no idea what is going on as brigade HQ + other assets are working to get the flight line ready to start landing C130s and other heavy equipment. The dude just loving goes to some random hanger with a bunch of pogues and goes to sleep for the night without making any effort to find our unit (we had already air assaulted somewhere else by now). Knowing he is a loving retarded new dude, I guess his platoon (I think he was a mortarman) wrote him off as being lost with some other unit because they absolutely could not wait up any longer. Two days or so later, it's time to exfil. As soon as we get back to the DZ, we are in a cheery mood because it's FRIDAY and time to go home and relax fully expecting some LMTVs waiting for us. We get there and our sister platoon has the look of absolute despair on their face. Apparently they had been sweeping the DZ all night and into the day without telling us until we got there. We had a squadron-wide police call for the next 5 hours or so looking for these idiot's nods, and they even had loving engineers with MINESWEEPERS come out to help once the situation got desperate. If anyone has ever seen/been to Holland DZ, it is covered in this dense as gently caress prairie grass which makes it very hard to find little black electronic things in. I guess the dude found our 1SG at some point and the first thing he, to his credit, says is "1SG, I lost my nods!" He went AWOL 2 weeks later and turned himself in like 8 months afterwards because he ran out of money living in Vegas and had no other option 
Justin Tyme fucked around with this message at 07:09 on Aug 7, 2014 |
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Aug 7, 2014 07:06
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For some reason the last couple stories reminded me of one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard in the military. I was in Iraq doing counter-IED stuff, jammers specifically. One of our instructors was teaching a class and I was in the room. One of the students from an Army unit tells the instructor about how they ran over a suspicious object in the road one time (purposefully) with one of their vehicles. The instructor of course asked why the hell he thought that was a good idea and his answer was that it was their unit SOP for stuff like that... 
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Aug 7, 2014 07:55
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As you probably have learned from the few previous FDF stories, Finland still has a system of universal male conscription. This results in some pretty weird people going through training since, sadly, plain old stupidity is not classified as a medical condition that warrants the C or D classifications of being relieved from peacetime (C) or wartime (D) duty. While there is a catch-all classification of T for "Relieved for concerns about personal safety", it's pretty much reserved for people with violent crime history etc. even though the description sounds fitting for some of the idiots I've seen. While just plain stupidity can and will lead to awesome results ("What do you mean I'm not supposed to pour 0.5 liters of petrol into a wood-burning stove and watch down the pipe while throwing in matches?", "How does belt work?" etc.) the best results stem from the conscription of someone with language troubles. During my time as a E-4 squad leader for the new conscripts, my company received Recruit Tötterström who had some major trouble with the Finnish language. I suppose Tötterström was the child of a first generation immigrant or possibly immigrated himself as a smaller child. In any case, this 18 year old wonder child just couldn't grasp what he was told. While having a recruit that you need to speak to like you would speak to a toddler is not that hilarious, Tötterström had an insatiable curiosity and was actually pretty motivated. When the recruits were issued their weapons, he spent a few evenings reading the handbook about maintenance and marksmanship even as he received basically nothing but small arms training during the daytime from the NCOs. We were stupid. We thought this self study was a good thing. Enter the first day of live fire marksmanship training on the shooting range. Everyone's sighting their rifles and is doing OK considering how little time they've been in the service. But Tötterström just can't hit a thing. He's not hitting the 1.5 meter wide target. We don't even see the strikes on the sand barrier behind the target. The lieutenant running the show gets increasingly pissed off and finally orders everyone else to stop firing and Tötterström to continue, thinking the idiot is probably just hitting someone else's target. But no. Still no hits on any of the targets, still nothing on the sand bank behind it. The Lt. tries the weapon. There's nothing wrong with it. Tötterström tries again, still nothing. His posture is okay, nothing strikes us as immediately wrong. Eventually, after something like 50 shots, someone notices that a plank some 6 meters above the targets gets hit. Now, the fucker had received extensive training on how to aim: align these bits here and the bullet goes to where the center bit is. He had been taught how to sight the rifle for range: to be accurate at 150m, move this bit to the part where it says 150 meters. But no, this genius had tried to read the manual and wanted to excel at shooting. In the books he had read that bullets arc down after leaving the barrel. Somehow this nugget of information dislodged everything he had learned about aiming before - especially the part about ranging the weapon so that you wouldn't need to account for the drop - and was the only thing in his mind. So on the range, he's aiming a perfectly ranged weapon some 6 meters above the target to "account for the drop". He's been hitting the bank waaaaaaay up there so that nobody's noticed the strikes. The Lt. goes absolutely berserk. Cue shouting at us for not properly training the idiot. I suppose we should have confiscated all his manuals the moment he got them. After chewing through us, he turns to Tötterström and shouts "It's a loving rifle, not some god drat bow and arrow poo poo!" before storming off. Tötterström was reclassified as C after the extent of his language troubles was revealed to the company commander during a swimming test, when Tötterström tried to convey the fact that he had what I assume was Aquaphobia. I suppose this was good, since what with his language troubles demolitions training would probably have been interesting, to say the least. -- Another thing that's probably unique to the FDF is the equipment. It's this weird mix of modern, somewhat modern and ancient. For example, everyone in our brigade was assigned a bicycle and skis. Now skis are good. In fact, they are the best thing ever during winter when you need to go off road in deep snow. But bicycles. I mean, the brigade was mechanized for the love of god. So we used the bicycles perhaps once a year for some PT and then some people used them to get around the base area, which the higher ups were fine with. One day I'm doing what's essentially Charge of Quarters, but with the added fun of being in charge of all the other conscripts, except for one conscripted officer candidate whose supposedly in charge of me. It's essentially a 24 hour shift of doing all the quartermaster poo poo while the non-conscript quartermaster himself does gently caress-all in his office. So I'm bored out of my mind sitting behind this desk when the CO materializes behind me. He's going completely ape poo poo. Apparently the last evening three E-1s and an E-2 had requested some evening leave which had been granted. Now, FDF has a policy of no alcohol on the base grounds. So requesting evening leave (1800-2200) and driving to the nearest pub for a pint or two was fairly common. Unfortunately for us, the closest bar was something like 15 km that-a-way so you really needed a car. This band of four idiots had planned to drive to the bar and back but apparently the designated driver had bailed or something and they were left without a ride. What do they do? They take their bicycles, cycle the probably 15-20km to the bar (mind you, it's winter), get absolutely wasted and the cycle back to the base. They took a road that had no lights and due to their drunkenness went all over it. An MP patrol almost drove them over with their car, but the fuckers run away from the patrol to the forest. Naturally they had to eventually go through the base gate to get back in so the MPs apparently thought "gently caress it" and just called the gate. They didn't have much trouble taking up the names for the four drunk idiots cycling in at 22.30. Next day, my aforementioned shift starts and I'm getting all kinds of poo poo for these idiots breaking a few laws, running from MPs, being back late from the leave and still being drunk the following morning. And this is my fault because I just happened to sit at "the desk" when the CO heard about this. -- As I mentioned before, we used wood-burning stoves in our tents. These get hot. Hot enough that if you put anything plastic too close to one when it's winter and the stove's sides are glowing red, the thing will melt during the night. I was being treated for something or other in the base hospital when they cart in this poor bastard with his legs lifted up and bandaged. I ask around what's going on and he had placed the foot end of his plastic sleeping pad too close to the stove and the plastic surface had begun to melt. Come morning, the guy wakes up and promptly steps bare footed on to the molten plastic. I suppose the idiots here are all those that had been on fire watch since one of the primary duties is to make sure nothing catches fire or is too close to the stove. I'd suppose a plastic sleeping pad melting would be something you notice in a small tent. -- Being an combat engineer company, we had plenty of fun times with antitank mines. One nice summer morning another squad woke to the realization that their truck had broken down over the night and they would need to find an alternative way of transporting their gear to their practice area some 5km from the barracks. As every other vehicle was already in use by other squads and platoons and they don't really fancy the idea of walking over there with all their mines, they search for alternative solutions. This is what they came up with. Those are 10 kg (training) anti tank mines.
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Aug 7, 2014 10:15
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Loezi posted:One day I'm doing what's essentially Charge of Quarters, but with the added fun of being in charge of all the other conscripts, except for one conscripted officer candidate whose supposedly in charge of me. It's essentially a 24 hour shift of doing all the quartermaster poo poo while the non-conscript quartermaster himself does gently caress-all in his office. So I'm bored out of my mind sitting behind this desk when the CO materializes behind me. He's going completely ape poo poo. Apparently the last evening three E-1s and an E-2 had requested some evening leave which had been granted. Now, FDF has a policy of no alcohol on the base grounds. So requesting evening leave (1800-2200) and driving to the nearest pub for a pint or two was fairly common. Unfortunately for us, the closest bar was something like 15 km that-a-way so you really needed a car. This band of four idiots had planned to drive to the bar and back but apparently the designated driver had bailed or something and they were left without a ride. In NCO school we lost all evening leave priviledges after one guy came back from his first one absolutely piss drunk, pissed in a officer candidate's bunk, and dragged his own bunk to the middle of the hallway during the night, where the CO found him after coming in early the next morning. Of course he'd managed to throw up all over the hallway too.
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Aug 7, 2014 11:13
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sforzacio posted:A buddy of mine told me about how in his class at BAC, some dude jettisoned his poo poo too early and it fell through some other dude's chute, dropping him and paralyzing him. gently caress thaaaaaaaat "You still have use of two limbs. 50% rating."
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Aug 7, 2014 11:39
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Loezi posted:FDF In Nutshell I have to ask: Parolannummi?
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Aug 7, 2014 13:04
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Sormus posted:I have to ask: Parolannummi? Nope, Karjalan Prikaati.
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Aug 7, 2014 15:45
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We were cleaning the shop one day and an airman was told to throw a pile of stuff away. Next to the pile was a STU-III with the key. He thought was fine to throw out. They recovered it before the trash man came.
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Aug 7, 2014 15:49
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iyaayas01 posted:Yeah, even noted forward looking organization the US military has moved their official cell phones over to iPhones from Blackberries. I work for one of the largest defense contractors. We still have blackberries 
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Aug 7, 2014 15:55
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vulturesrow posted:One of the students from an Army unit tells the instructor about how they ran over a suspicious object in the road one time (purposefully) with one of their vehicles. The instructor of course asked why the hell he thought that was a good idea and his answer was that it was their unit SOP for stuff like that... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJKcdlj-Uiw
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Aug 7, 2014 18:15
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vulturesrow posted:For some reason the last couple stories reminded me of one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard in the military. I was in Iraq doing counter-IED stuff, jammers specifically. One of our instructors was teaching a class and I was in the room. One of the students from an Army unit tells the instructor about how they ran over a suspicious object in the road one time (purposefully) with one of their vehicles. The instructor of course asked why the hell he thought that was a good idea and his answer was that it was their unit SOP for stuff like that... Yeah that's like when some officer had the utterly retarded idea to turn our gun tractors into literal gun-trucks, rolling up the canvas sides and put C9s on the sides and a C6 up front. We were practising fighting thru an ambush, I'm at the wheel of the lead truck. We had been told to treat any obstacles on the road as IEDs. Driving along, come around a corner. There's a 55-gallon drum, on fire. I look to my det commander, who proceeds to tell me, DRIVE THE gently caress THROUGH IT So I do. I clobber the loving thing doing about 40 klicks in a MLVW with a howitzer attached, hearing the thing tumble and bounce off of the axles and off of the trails, leaving a nice layer of burning gas behind me for all the other guys to drive through as well. Pull up at the gun position and my door gets pulled open and I'm getting SCREAMED at for going through the "roadblock". The shittiest roadblock ever. I basically shrug and say that my gun det commander ordered me to do it, I'm just the driver. They used a truck as the roadblock the next time, and everyone just drove around it. Every time they tried to get the convoy to stop and do a dismounted defence it got hosed up. So much poo poo there was seat of the pants.
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Aug 7, 2014 22:21
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MA-Horus posted:Yeah that's like when some officer had the utterly retarded idea to turn our gun tractors into literal gun-trucks, rolling up the canvas sides and put C9s on the sides and a C6 up front. We were practising fighting thru an ambush, I'm at the wheel of the lead truck. We had been told to treat any obstacles on the road as IEDs. We need more plans based on action movies.
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Aug 7, 2014 22:29
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chitoryu12 posted:We need more plans based on action movies. "Heh, yeah, because a dismounted defense worked so well in Clear and Present Danger. Idiot"
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Aug 7, 2014 23:14
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at the date posted:"Heh, yeah, because a dismounted defense worked so well in Clear and Present Danger. Idiot" What, you mean First Blood isn't an accurate portrayal of COIN tactical deployment and procedure? gently caress YO ROADBLOCK 
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Aug 7, 2014 23:20
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They need to be based more on License to Kill. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sg4K7KP5jE
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Aug 8, 2014 00:11
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at the date posted:"Heh, yeah, because a dismounted defense worked so well in Clear and Present Danger. Idiot" Look, if you don't have a dismounted defence, you won't get cut up. Right, you think? WRONG! You're supposed to have unit cohesiveness destroyed, so you and a ragtag bunch of misfits can fight your way through to your lines. Are you the book-educated Lieutenant? are you the grizzled old Sergeant? Are you the black guy, or the nervous Jew? You're all Americans, and the point of war is to teach you the value of that at the paltry cost of a unit destroyed, a few millions in materiél damaged, a major motion picture released to an adoring public, and an academy award won. 
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Aug 8, 2014 01:48
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A friend of mine posted something like this up on facebook, "I love being a Sgt.. Then poo poo like this happens. The 96 is ending and I get a call from one of my Marines, apologizing profusely before going into a story about how, while coming through the gate in his rental car, he had attempted to stick his ID card in the crack between the CD player/stereo face and the dash itself, but somehow stuck it into the CD player. The CD player promptly ate up his ID card and neither the mechanics nor the rental agency are willing to crack the dash to open up the head unit and get his ID card back out." I think my personal favorite though was coming across an ID card on a lanyard in the middle of the woods. Some poor boot had gone out into the woods to take a poo poo during a field op and left his poo poo hanging in a tree.
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Sep 2, 2014 18:45
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Loezi posted:As you probably have learned from the few previous FDF stories, Lies. Finland don't have immigrants.
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Sep 7, 2014 18:35
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| # ? May 14, 2024 16:24 |
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chemosh6969 posted:We were cleaning the shop one day and an airman was told to throw a pile of stuff away. Next to the pile was a STU-III with the key. He thought was fine to throw out. 
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