- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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no nurses around, I look to a calendar on the table nearby... it reads "september 10, 2001."
I know what I must do [wake me up inside by evanescence starts playing]
I tear out the IV and dash for the door... "there's no time to lose...." I mutter to myself.
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Aug 26, 2014 07:02
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 28, 2024 20:51
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- Stormyish
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Groundhog Day, except the lead is gay
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Aug 26, 2014 07:03
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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>cut to car chase scene in the streets of dubai with sports cars worth in excess of at least $200k each
>shot of bin laden driving the lead car
>shot of me driving, wearing badass sunglasses in rapid pursuit
me: it looks like you're about to get 9/11'd. bitch
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Aug 26, 2014 07:08
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- posting smiling
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>cut to car chase scene in the streets of dubai with sports cars worth in excess of at least $200k each
>shot of bin laden driving the lead car
>shot of me driving, wearing badass sunglasses in rapid pursuit
me: it looks like you're about to get 9/11'd. bitch
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Aug 26, 2014 07:09
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- i am he
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*parachute into cockpit of plane smashing through the windshield spraying glass all over hijacker pilots while wearing the badass parachuet that looks like a scary face when open*
me: did somebody call....911?
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Aug 26, 2014 07:11
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- Stormyish
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*pressing their foot down on Osama's head* Why don't you go allau back-bar to hell *executes gangster style*
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Aug 26, 2014 07:14
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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George bush is quietly reading to a class of elementary school children when he's interrupted by a phone call. "Mr. President," I say, "all is well." He smiles knowingly and goes back to reading.
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Aug 26, 2014 07:16
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- cuntman.net
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*crashes a bus through doors of world trade center* guys you have to leave RIGHT NOW!! * starts picking people up and cramming them into the bus*
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Aug 26, 2014 07:19
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- i am he
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me: i'll let you crash this plane, but only if you can complete this challenge. *pulls chinese finger trap out*
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Aug 26, 2014 07:22
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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bin laden *doing the mr burns finger thing*: oh? your buddies from the CIA. well they're invited to the party. and what can I say other than that it is going to be.... a real blast! *laughs maniacally*
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Aug 26, 2014 07:23
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- Stormyish
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Osama: "Hah, you'll never defuse the bomb, the code is the color that I'm currently thinking of."
Hero Person: "It's blue."
Osama: "NOOOOOOO!"
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Aug 26, 2014 07:24
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- posting smiling
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i look up and scan the skyline where the twin towers should be. "no.. where are they? did i fail my mission?" suddenly the sky lights up and the towers shimmer back into existence. no one notices but me. everyone keeps walking down the street like nothing happened. a smile spreads across my face as i fall into the crowd. "i need a hot dog" i say to no one in particular.
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Aug 26, 2014 07:31
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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i look up and scan the skyline where the twin towers should be. "no.. where are they? did i fail my mission?" suddenly the sky lights up and the towers shimmer back into existence. no one notices but me. everyone keeps walking down the street like nothing happened. a smile spreads across my face as i fall into the crowd. "i need a hot dog" i say to no one in particular.
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Aug 26, 2014 07:33
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- i am he
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the world is different now, since i saved the twin towers. there's none of that funny poo poo, the really irreverent humor gifs of star wars space ships flying into the buildings. sometimes i regret it.
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Aug 26, 2014 07:35
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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we joke around a lot more about rwanda in this post-post-9/11 universe. im not sure if i'm cool with that...
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Aug 26, 2014 07:37
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- Stormyish
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the world is different now, since i saved the twin towers. there's none of that funny poo poo, the really irreverent humor gifs of star wars space ships flying into the buildings. sometimes i regret it.
Knowing the world has suffered a great loss due to your meddling with the timeline, you go back in time once again, becoming Osama. This causes future/past you to come back to that time to kill you, continuing the cycle forever.
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Aug 26, 2014 07:37
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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hm. yes. very nietzschean. nice.
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Aug 26, 2014 07:39
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- i am he
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teh ubermensch
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Aug 26, 2014 07:39
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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An example of a common post-post-9/11 joke: A Rwandan walks into a bar, the bartender says "hey man, you look a little hungry. " The Rwandan replies, "no.. IM STARVING!"
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Aug 26, 2014 07:50
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- Sleepy Sip
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Aug 26, 2014 08:03
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- deep dish peat moss
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I came in to a hospital bed, about two feet from the bottom.
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Aug 26, 2014 08:41
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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The presidents on the line. He wants me to relay a message to you, he says "go back to gbs"
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Aug 26, 2014 08:47
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- Tane
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I came to in a hospital bed.... no memory of how long i was out
two police officers standing over me
do you remember how you were injured? one asks
uh...no. the words come out scratchy
you were raped. brutally. it was like nothing ive ever seen before. the other cop chimes in. your dad raped you in front of all of his friends. according to witnesses at the scene you were shouting "cum in my rear end dad" you don't remember any of this?
go back to gbs human being. i say to the cop. i wont stand for that kinkshaming bullshit in fyad. we gently caress our dads and are drat proud of it.
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Aug 26, 2014 09:38
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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cum humor is passe
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Aug 26, 2014 09:45
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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and rape humor is pretty basically horrible
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Aug 26, 2014 09:47
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- Tane
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my threads are pretty basically horrible and im a oval office
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Aug 26, 2014 09:48
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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nice
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Aug 26, 2014 09:49
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- Pedantra
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by Lowtax
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you're poo poo "tane"
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Aug 26, 2014 09:50
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- tradjik
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same op except someone asked me "so r u mybrothersname or myname today" and then i started freaking out that my brother was just a hallucination and everyone was playiong along
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Aug 26, 2014 10:53
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- dogcrash truther
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*while wearing the badass parachuet that looks like a scary face when open*
lol
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Aug 26, 2014 11:49
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- google THIS
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a fiery plume lights up the wilderness as the last plane crashes into the ground, killing no one unless you count all the people inside
I release my grip on the machine gun trigger and bank right. mission accomplished, return to base.
I'm not the hero America deserves, but I'm the hero she needs. soon they'll all be looking for me. they won't thank me. they'll hunt me down.
*engages afterburners*
because I can take it. because I'm not our hero...
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Aug 26, 2014 12:52
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- blaise rascal
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"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."
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I'd watch it
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Aug 26, 2014 13:00
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- Ace of Baes
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*bursting into mosque* Khalid al-Mihdhar's alive!!! He's in Saudia Arabia, but he's alive!!!
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Aug 26, 2014 13:03
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- google THIS
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masked man: *gesturing to tied up hijackers* let them go.
me: you know I can't do that.
*masked man points gun at my head*
me: listen, this is for the best. it'll prevent wars, reduce America's xenophobia and ultracon presence, prevent religious strife around the world, and stop dozens of terrible political songs from hitting the airwaves.
masked man: you don't understand. I need this. the viral memes. the darkly irreverent humor. the shock value. the Star Wars references. without them I am nothing.
me: this isn't about your website, richard!
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Aug 26, 2014 13:16
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- El Spider
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[a small iranian child is sobbing in the background]
Me: You're a traitor, father. He's not supposed to be to grow up with this disgusting propaganda filling his head with lies about the western world.
Man: Don't tell me how to raise my your brother you shitlord. If I had an internet connection I would be browsing YOSPOS(Your oldest son is a piece of poo poo) right now, posting about you and your extremist bullshit. gently caress off.
Me: Surely you can't think that it is good to let a child watch sesame street, teaching him that actually yes, there is a purple vampire who will help him count things. There is a garbage can man that is grouchy but still your friend. There's a big loving bird for muhammed's sake peace be upon him that lives in a nest and will give you good advice when you ask him. And for what? So he can burn in hell for his unholy beliefs?
Man: Jesus loving Christ. Listen. It's *OK*[starts spinning in place with arms extended] to not like ~thing~, alright?[doing a jig] Just don't be a jerk about it.
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Aug 26, 2014 13:26
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 28, 2024 20:51
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- Afro
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Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time
For y'all have knocked her up
I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe
I was not offended
For I knew I had to rise above it all
Or drown in my own shit
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i dont want to live in a world without tribute.wmv
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Aug 26, 2014 14:14
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Aug 26, 2014 07:02
