Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

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Blowjob Overtime: Apr 6, 2008; Steeeeriiiiiiiiike twooooooo!

If there is an annual TFF award for most awesome person? If so, that dude is a number one seed.

# ? Sep 9, 2014 00:46

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# ? May 12, 2024 16:45

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

It's Toaster Beef's to lose.

# ? Sep 9, 2014 01:08

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

The Peter King parody we've all been waiting for, written by who else but PFT Commenter

http://strongtakes.com/2014/09/the-mmbm-week-1/

# ? Sep 10, 2014 12:55

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

quote:

7. Its truck month and that can only mean one thing: Its time to buy a new truck because of what month it is.

hahaha

# ? Sep 10, 2014 13:19

Truther Vandross: Jun 17, 2008

football fuckerman posted:

The Peter King parody we've all been waiting for, written by who else but PFT Commenter

http://strongtakes.com/2014/09/the-mmbm-week-1/

"Clean" Coal Beasley

# ? Sep 10, 2014 13:42

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

This is great.

# ? Sep 10, 2014 13:46

Ribsauce: Jul 29, 2006; Blacks in the back.

Exhibit #287b in the museum of "Some people wake up every day determined to find something to get high and mighty about so they can feel better about their miserable lives"

http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20140911/SPORTS0101/309110104/-1/rss12

quote:

Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton not only owes Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh an apology, but he needs realize that his attempt at a joke Wednesday crossed the line. If he were a white guy, he'd already be at the podium apologizing.

Newton was being a clown when he answered every question the same way no matter what was asked.

"My main focus now is focusing on the Detroit Lions. I think I got my hands full trying to find ways to stay protected from Donkey Kong Suh and my fellow Auburn teammate Nick Fairley.�

Donkey Kong is a cartoon gorilla in a video game. Black people get angry when you refer to them as monkeys or gorillas. Newton, who is black, probably didn�t even realize he was making racially-charged comments.

Good god, get off your high horse you jackass. Why do so many jerkoffs feel the need to get offended on behalf of another person?

# ? Sep 13, 2014 15:41

Thaddius the Large: Jul 5, 2006; It's in the five-hole!

Ribsauce posted:

http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20140911/SPORTS0101/309110104/-1/rss12

quote:

Black people get angry when you refer to them as monkeys or gorillas. Newton, who is black, probably didn�t even realize he was making racially-charged comments.

Really, did nobody sit the writer down and just try to parse the back-to-back logic of these two sentiments?

# ? Sep 13, 2014 15:54

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Ribsauce posted:

Exhibit #287b in the museum of "Some people wake up every day determined to find something to get high and mighty about so they can feel better about their miserable lives"

http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20140911/SPORTS0101/309110104/-1/rss12

Good god, get off your high horse you jackass. Why do so many jerkoffs feel the need to get offended on behalf of another person?

That is just weird, yeah if Cam was white it probably would have been different.

but he isn't so who cares?

# ? Sep 13, 2014 15:56

Parlett316: Dec 6, 2002; Jon Snow is viciously stabbed by his friends in the night's watch for wanting to rescue Mance Rayder from Ramsay Bolton

Black on black thought crime, c'mon start it up

# ? Sep 13, 2014 16:06

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Let's check in with Omar

@OmarKelly: Confession: I told my mother in law to pick up Kniles Davis on her fantasy team. She won last week. (I feel like a cheater)

oh

# ? Sep 23, 2014 13:49

pangstrom: Jan 25, 2003; Wedge Regret

Wherein Omar can manage neither the humble nor the brag.

# ? Sep 23, 2014 14:01

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Liam Neesons though

# ? Sep 23, 2014 15:10

Blowjob Overtime: Apr 6, 2008; Steeeeriiiiiiiiike twooooooo!

pangstrom posted:

Wherein Omar can manage neither the humble nor the brag.

Nor be bothered to check the actual spelling of the name.

# ? Sep 23, 2014 15:27

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

BANNED

SORRY BRO GO SOMEWHERE LESS REAL IM KEEPIN THIS TEAM ACCOUNTABLE

# ? Sep 23, 2014 17:32

Diva Cupcake: Aug 15, 2005

Peter King's storytime did not go as well as he hoped.

@SI_PeterKing
Apropos Of Nothing Dept.:
In June, I was at a Starbucks in downtown Pgh. Andrew McCutchen was in front of me in line. He ordered drink, >>>>

@SI_PeterKing
... And barista said to him:
"Name for the cup?"
McCutchen said politely:
"Andrew."

@SI_PeterKing
You guys win.
You all win.
Be happy.

@SI_PeterKing
Congratations.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 14:07

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

Ozu posted:

Peter King's storytime did not go as well as he hoped.

@SI_PeterKing
Apropos Of Nothing Dept.:
In June, I was at a Starbucks in downtown Pgh. Andrew McCutchen was in front of me in line. He ordered drink, >>>>

@SI_PeterKing
... And barista said to him:
"Name for the cup?"
McCutchen said politely:
"Andrew."

@SI_PeterKing
You guys win.
You all win.
Be happy.

@SI_PeterKing
Congratations.

I actually can't stop laughing.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 14:26

midwat: May 6, 2007

Ozu posted:

Peter King's storytime did not go as well as he hoped.

@SI_PeterKing
Apropos Of Nothing Dept.:
In June, I was at a Starbucks in downtown Pgh. Andrew McCutchen was in front of me in line. He ordered drink, >>>>

@SI_PeterKing
... And barista said to him:
"Name for the cup?"
McCutchen said politely:
"Andrew."

@SI_PeterKing
You guys win.
You all win.
Be happy.

@SI_PeterKing
Congratations.

Stars: they have first names, just like us!

# ? Sep 24, 2014 15:00

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

I'm guessing there was supposed to be more to that story and Twitter's limitations led to this version, but I'm glad Twitter is dedicated to making GBS threads on Peter King before he can even finish.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 15:02

midwat: May 6, 2007

@SI_PeterKing
Apropos Of Nothing Dept.:
In June, I was at a Starbucks in downtown Pgh. Andrew McCutchen was in front of me in line. He ordered drink, >>>>

@SI_PeterKing
... And barista said to him:
"Name for the cup?"
McCutchen bellowed:

@SI_PeterKing
"HIS MAJESTY ANDREW STEFAN MCCUTCHEN, FIRST OF HIS NAME, NATIONAL LEAGUE MOST VALUABLE PLAYER, EMPEROR OF INDIA AND THE OCEAN SEA."

@SI_PeterKing
Barista: "That won't fit on the cup." Weird, huh?

# ? Sep 24, 2014 15:17

Rogue Elephant: May 1, 2007

"Andrew McCutchen is polite, not like those other ni-" *BONG*

# ? Sep 24, 2014 15:23

GonadTheBallbarian: Jul 23, 2007

CONGRATATION Y'ALL

# ? Sep 24, 2014 15:43

Thaddius the Large: Jul 5, 2006; It's in the five-hole!

I am quite happy right now, thanks Peter.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 17:13

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

WugLyfe posted:

CONGRATATION Y'ALL

Thank you. I'm feeling blessed.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 17:26

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

I was once accidentally rude to Troy Polamalu in a Barnes & Noble. Should I recount the tail to Peter King?

# ? Sep 24, 2014 17:30

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Sash! posted:

I was once accidentally rude to Troy Polamalu in a Barnes & Noble. Should I recount the tail to Peter King?

Um that story doesn't involve Peter King so why would he care?

# ? Sep 24, 2014 18:04

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

seriously though guys what the gently caress is wrong with Peter King

# ? Sep 24, 2014 19:05

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

Mel Mudkiper posted:

seriously though guys what the gently caress is wrong with Peter King

He's a relic from when the national coverage for the NFL was in a weekly magazine and his folksy column worked well as one of the few ways to get to know little bits about players from around the country.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 19:23

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

He's also a legitimately good and well connected reporter (or at least he was). Before he got too far up his own rear end and decided to make every column at least half about him, he could actually be pretty informative. And like Kalli said this was before the days when twitter was around to break everything immediately.

MourningView fucked around with this message at 19:28 on Sep 24, 2014

# ? Sep 24, 2014 19:25

Parlett316: Dec 6, 2002; Jon Snow is viciously stabbed by his friends in the night's watch for wanting to rescue Mance Rayder from Ramsay Bolton

In 20 years, our children will laugh at old school dorks like Schefter for tweeting about a suspension since the players themselves will send a instant holographic message to our households to let them know their current status.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 19:31

GNU Order: Feb 28, 2011; That's a paddlin'

Scheft-Bot will be breaking stories before they happen thanks to predictive technology.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 19:47

Parlett316: Dec 6, 2002; Jon Snow is viciously stabbed by his friends in the night's watch for wanting to rescue Mance Rayder from Ramsay Bolton

GNU Order posted:

Scheft-Bot will be breaking stories before they happen thanks to predictive technology.

Ha wasn't that Bio's twitter account

# ? Sep 24, 2014 19:54

Real Name Grover: Feb 13, 2002; Like corn on the cob; Fan of Britches

Drew Magary went to town on King:

http://deadspin.com/the-problem-wit...dium=socialflow

# ? Sep 24, 2014 20:46

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

Real Name Grover posted:

Drew Magary went to town on King:

http://deadspin.com/the-problem-wit...dium=socialflow

Haha oh my god that really is the whole story.

Peter King posted:

I saw the Pirates play in Pittsburgh, with my wife and my brother-in-law and his boys, at beautiful PNC Park (�beautiful� or �breathtaking� should be the mandatory adjective every time PNC Park is discussed) in June. The day of the game, I was in line at a Starbucks in downtown Pittsburgh, a couple of blocks from the Clemente Bridge, the one connecting downtown to the area just outside the outfield at PNC.

And who do you think is in front of me in line? Andrew McCutchen. With his fianc�e, Maria Hanslovan, in line with him, McCutchen ordered his drink. I didn�t hear what it was.

�Name for the cup?� the man on the register said.

�Andrew,� McCutchen said.

So they paid and went to wait for their drinks. We ordered, then went to wait for ours next to the reigning National League Most Valuable Player. In cases like this, I always think the famous person should be left alone, because the famous person I assume gets so few chances to be left alone. Thirty, 40, 50 seconds pass.

�Andrew,� the barista called. His drink was ready. He claimed it, and his fianc�e claimed hers, and they went over to sit down on a couch in the store. One fellow came over and said hi and shook his hand, and McCutchen was pleasant enough, and that was that, and the MVP of the National League went to sit down and enjoy some private time�I think unbothered but I don�t know because we left�before he had to be at the ballpark that evening.

That was nice.

And he thought the world needed to hear it again two months later.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 20:52

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Reminder that the people most frequently attacked/beat up/mocked/challenged/criticized in Peter King columns are children who want to take foul balls home and people in the service industry. Meanwhile King carries water like mad for absolutely anyone in power in the NFL

# ? Sep 24, 2014 20:55

Dirt Worshipper: Apr 2, 2007; Paralithodes Californiensis

Real Name Grover posted:

Drew Magary went to town on King:

http://deadspin.com/the-problem-wit...dium=socialflow

What the hell is going on

# ? Sep 24, 2014 21:02

Pron on VHS: Nov 14, 2005; Blood Clots
Sweat Dries
Bones Heal
Suck it Up and Keep Wrestling

^^^ beaten

The best part about Magary's article was his awesome and brief dig at Albert Breer. What a loving rear end in a top hat

# ? Sep 24, 2014 21:03

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Real Name Grover posted:

Drew Magary went to town on King:

http://deadspin.com/the-problem-wit...dium=socialflow

Man, as terrible as guys like Omar Kelly are with their bombastic self-adulation about "keeping people accountable", it is still infinitely more appealing to read than the bullshit bootlicking obsequiosness of King.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 21:13

Kibner: Oct 21, 2008; Acguy Supremacy

http://nflfilms.nfl.com/2014/09/24/sean-taylor-a-football-life-sneak-preview/

The creator of this special made it because he was shocked at the difference between what Wilbon and Cowherd reported on Sean Taylor's death and how that death was mourned by the fans.

He requested 28 interviews but ended up with 41 (not counting ones that couldn't happen due to scheduling conflicts). Only two people declined to interview. Guess who.

# ? Sep 24, 2014 21:50

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# ? May 12, 2024 16:45

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Kibner posted:

http://nflfilms.nfl.com/2014/09/24/sean-taylor-a-football-life-sneak-preview/

The creator of this special made it because he was shocked at the difference between what Wilbon and Cowherd reported on Sean Taylor's death and how that death was mourned by the fans.

He requested 28 interviews but ended up with 41 (not counting ones that couldn't happen due to scheduling conflicts). Only two people declined to interview. Guess who.

DONT KEEP US WAITING, MAN! WHO? TELL US WHO!

# ? Sep 24, 2014 22:18

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

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