Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

«‹›2810 »

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Mike the TV posted:

Sex is an activity reserved only for Beta-minors and above. Know your place, citizen.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 19:30

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# ? May 10, 2024 01:08

Eggplant Squire: Aug 14, 2003

Axetrain posted:

Henry's should be rich. The aggravating thing about them is not that they have delusions of hard work = wealth (though they may). It's that they have huge salaries but are so loving astoundingly bad with money that they are balls deep in debt anyway and then complain about how rough they have it.

Don't forget while being so bad at money that they are "scraping at the end of the month" they are bitching about poor people having access to refrigerators or game systems that end up saving money on food or entertainment (of course poor people shouldn't have any luxuries since they are mooching).

Mike the TV posted:

Says an animal famous for having evolved terrifying genitalia adapted for forced intercourse.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 19:39

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Axetrain posted:

Henry's should be rich. The aggravating thing about them is not that they have delusions of hard work = wealth (though they may). It's that they have huge salaries but are so loving astoundingly bad with money that they are balls deep in debt anyway and then complain about how rough they have it.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3560557

# ? Sep 17, 2014 19:39

Ham Equity: Apr 16, 2013; The first thing we do, let's kill all the cars.; Grimey Drawer

Duke Igthorn posted:

That increase is spread out over seven years. It doesn't go "$7 Tuesday, $15 Wednesday." So, in the short term, $10.10 is going to happen.

Just to clarify on the Seattle bill (because it is incredibly confusing): yes, it takes seven years to fully phase-in the $15 minimum wage for everyone, but four years after that everyone will be paying $15 an hour in 2017 dollars adjusted for inflation (probably a little more than $18 an hour). Yeah, it takes until 2025 to fully implement, but at that point, will be hella awesome. Also, all non-tipped workers without benefits hit $15 an hour in five years.

It's not perfect, but it is better than it looks on its face.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 19:48

Soviet Commubot: Oct 22, 2008

WoodrowSkillson posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3560557

Holy poo poo :stare:

# ? Sep 17, 2014 20:10

Al Harrington: May 1, 2005; I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the eye

WoodrowSkillson posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3560557

I hope someone posted a gif of HENRY offenses in here somewhere

# ? Sep 17, 2014 20:19

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Soviet Commubot posted:

Holy poo poo

It's the best thread on the forums and it never, ever ends. Slomo is a goddamn treasure.

Slow Motion posted:

I would not hesitate to rock the high-waist-fast-talker to an exam one day.

Slow Motion delivers:

Al Harrington posted:

I hope someone posted a gif of HENRY offenses in here somewhere

Please do not ruin that thread with D&D anti capitalism.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 20:28

Zeitgueist: Aug 8, 2003; by Ralp

Soviet Commubot posted:

Holy poo poo

130 pages?

Holy crap he could have solved his entire financial situation since that thread began.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 20:33

aBagorn: Aug 26, 2004

Zeitgueist posted:

130 pages?

Holy crap he could have solved his entire financial situation since that thread began.

I skimmed the last couple pages, he's buying a condo now??!?!?!

# ? Sep 17, 2014 20:36

Discendo Vox: Mar 21, 2013; We don't need to have that dialogue because it's obvious, trivial, and has already been had a thousand times.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say Slow Motion just might be a gimmick account.

Mike the TV posted:

What the hell does the duck contribute to this? Do they people just pull a random result from google image search for meme construction?

# ? Sep 17, 2014 20:40

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Discendo Vox posted:

I'm going to go out on a limb and say Slow Motion just might be a gimmick account.

If he is, its a longer con then tolberone triangular and involves far more work since he has grown ridiculous facial hair, bought stupid clothing, and produced semi weekly balance sheets in excel for more then a year, complete with stupidly clever methods to account for spending that only make sense to a financial analyst, which he is.

Sure its possible, but its not like this is a quick little troll thread.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 20:44

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Discendo Vox posted:

I'm going to go out on a limb and say Slow Motion just might be a gimmick account.

What the hell does the duck contribute to this? Do they people just pull a random result from google image search for meme construction?

Memes are subject to cultural devolution - as the meme itself becomes an object, and not just a process of fusing text and image, the particular image matters less over time and is more subject to whimsical, faddish behavior cooked up on whatever obscure corner of the internet is attracting shut-in teens this year.

It appears we can blame reddit for whatever this is

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/actual-advice-mallard

# ? Sep 17, 2014 20:46

Discendo Vox: Mar 21, 2013; We don't need to have that dialogue because it's obvious, trivial, and has already been had a thousand times.

WoodrowSkillson posted:

If he is, its a longer con then tolberone triangular and involves far more work since he has grown ridiculous facial hair, bought stupid clothing, and produced semi weekly balance sheets in excel for more then a year, complete with stupidly clever methods to account for spending that only make sense to a financial analyst, which he is.

Sure its possible, but its not like this is a quick little troll thread.

I stand corrected- I'd only given it a glance. The narrative just seems so close to that E/N well metaphor on SAclopedia...

Thanatosian posted:

I keep hoping Slow Motion will show up to one of the Seattle meets, just so I can see the train wreck in person.

In all likelihood he would be either the life of the party or a very strange person who thinks he is the life of the party.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 20:53

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Discendo Vox posted:

Thanks, I shoulda looked that up myself. It's a lousy framing concept because it invites non-apparent abuse and diversion, rather than further alteration. It's literally "things I agree with duck."

Yeah, if a meme pic isn't a specific joke then it's usually just a nerdy way to state your opinions without any fear of disagreement. Anything funny on the internet rapidly gets spun into a web of fractal bullshit as trillions of nerds seeking social connection repeatedly beat any originality into dust.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 20:55

Davethulhu: Aug 12, 2003; Morbid Hound

Discendo Vox posted:

Thanks, I shoulda looked that up myself. It's a lousy framing concept because it invites non-apparent abuse and diversion, rather than further alteration. It's literally "things I agree with duck."

I prefer to think of it as "rear end in a top hat duck". Not to be confused with "rear end in a top hat bear" or "rear end in a top hat gene hackman."

# ? Sep 17, 2014 21:22

Duke Igthorn: Oct 11, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

Wilder

# ? Sep 17, 2014 21:24

darthbob88: Oct 13, 2011; YOSPOS

Davethulhu posted:

I prefer to think of it as "rear end in a top hat duck". Not to be confused with "rear end in a top hat bear" or "rear end in a top hat gene hackman."

Or rear end in a top hat puffin. It's amazing how many memes there are to say "I'm going to be an rear end in a top hat, but I don't want to face any consequences for it".

# ? Sep 17, 2014 21:55

Dr. Arbitrary: Mar 15, 2006; Bleak Gremlin

darthbob88 posted:

Or rear end in a top hat puffin. It's amazing how many memes there are to say "I'm going to be an rear end in a top hat, but I don't want to face any consequences for it".

The amazing thing about the puffin is that it's supposed to represent unpopular opinions, but the nature of the scoring system ensures that only popular opinions will rise.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 22:07

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

Dr. Arbitrary posted:

The amazing thing about the puffin is that it's supposed to represent unpopular opinions, but the nature of the scoring system ensures that only popular opinions will rise.

Mostly it's to say racist things that other racists can agree with.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 23:47

Evrart Claire: Jan 11, 2008

http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/09/16/sorry-but-its-your-fault-if-your-offended-all-the-time/#8DZq4IFM6t7dgMoH.01

Newest Matt Walsh post making constant rounds on my FB feed now.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 23:54

Ham Equity: Apr 16, 2013; The first thing we do, let's kill all the cars.; Grimey Drawer

GAYMIEN SANDOW posted:

Mostly it's to say racist things that other racists can agree with.

Also to quote the MRA argument of the week, usually against some kind of feminist strawman.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 00:41

FuzzySkinner: May 23, 2012

Amused to Death posted:

I want to know if all the people who post these things

are in favor of cutting their own wages or that of their spouses because TROOPS ARE GETTING SHOT AT.

I'm at a loss at this stuff.

It literally showed up in my feed today. As another goon put it, the Millitary has some AMAZING Benefits in addition to the pay that's described.

They also seem to conveniently ignore the fact that that yes, You, I, and those in the Millitary pay would be adjusted in there was indeed a minninum wage hike.

Also I'm tired of this entire argument that disrespects people that work at McDonalds, Taco Bell, etc. They're human beings, they DESERVE to be paid a living goddamned wage.

"b-B-B-BUT HIGH SCHOOL KIDS! THEY hosed UP!". "BURGER FLIPPERS".

Also I'm tired of the goddamned language in it. I'm tired of the the put-downs. The rights goes on and on about people apparently thinkingthey're "Too good for this", yet they sure as hell seem to be the exact type of people that they seem to describe.

You know what? Since you think YOU can do it, why don't YOU pick up the shift at Wendy's or any other goddamned low-paying job.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 00:43

Zeitgueist: Aug 8, 2003; by Ralp

Zerilan posted:

http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/09/16/sorry-but-its-your-fault-if-your-offended-all-the-time/#8DZq4IFM6t7dgMoH.01

Newest Matt Walsh post making constant rounds on my FB feed now.

Nice, confederate flag profile pic in the first few comments.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 00:45

Jurgan: May 8, 2007; Just pour it directly into your gaping mouth-hole you decadent slut

So, here's something, in response to http://qpolitical.com/muslim-student-challenges-jewish-professor-shuts-spot/ this story from 2010. Faye is my brother's girlfriend, and I'm Matt. I'm not really sure who Carol is, but I've probably met him once or twice.

He even linked me to the wikipedia definition of ad hominem. Isn't arguing on the internet fun?

# ? Sep 18, 2014 01:30

TerminalSaint: Apr 21, 2007; Where must we go...

we who wander this Wasteland in search of our better selves?

They should try reading their own link

quote:

Ad hominem reasoning is not always fallacious, for example, when it relates to the credibility of statements of fact.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 01:46

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

Jurgan posted:

So, here's something, in response to http://qpolitical.com/muslim-student-challenges-jewish-professor-shuts-spot/ this story from 2010. Faye is my brother's girlfriend, and I'm Matt. I'm not really sure who Carol is, but I've probably met him once or twice.

He even linked me to the wikipedia definition of ad hominem. Isn't arguing on the internet fun?

Attacking a source's credibility is perfectly valid when the other person is relying on that source to make their argument for them.

Edit; beaten above.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 01:46

theres a will theres moe: Jan 10, 2007; Hair Elf

Amused to Death posted:

I want to know if all the people who post these things

are in favor of cutting their own wages or that of their spouses because TROOPS ARE GETTING SHOT AT.

On top of everything else wrong with this, the numbers are bullshit. 35k is about what an E5 with no dependents makes in BASE PAY. Add three hundred bux a month for food, a thousand for housing, and more if they have dependents. Lower ranks do get ripped off paywise but they also get free housing, food, medical, education, and discounts on retail poo poo right next to where they work. Additionally, if in a combat zone, add hazard pay. I was taking home (net) 3600 per month as an E5 with no dependents in iraq, and living totally free of expenses.

Enlistees often see the number on their yearly tax return and think that's how much they're making, when it's really only half what they're making because it's only the taxable part of their income.

Not that they don't deserve it, but they are well compensated, and incomparably so to fast food workers.

E: I'd also like to mention that the enlisted corps is pretty much a socialist utopia (ironically, for all the repubs and libertarians at its teat) and most or all of a sergeant's skill is gained via education and training provided by the taxpayer, not bootstraps.

theres a will theres moe fucked around with this message at 03:38 on Sep 18, 2014

# ? Sep 18, 2014 02:29

1stGear: Jan 16, 2010; Here's to the new us.

Zerilan posted:

http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/09/16/sorry-but-its-your-fault-if-your-offended-all-the-time/#8DZq4IFM6t7dgMoH.01

Newest Matt Walsh post making constant rounds on my FB feed now.

Ugh, jeez, just like a white person to ignore the idea of microaggression.

Whoa, Matt Walsh, I'm not being racist. I'm just sayin', you white people always act this way.

EDIT: And yeah, all the comments are solid white people, color me surprised.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 02:39

Sir Rolo: Oct 16, 2012

<- it's white-privilege.txt!

I want to write some kind of Kafka-esque tale where Matt Walsh wakes up as a Muslim woman in the bible belt.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 04:49

Dr Christmas: Apr 24, 2010; Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

At least some of the commenters on that Matt Walsh post once compared Wall Street billionaires to Holocust victims because they recieved a mild scolding along with billions of dollars in bailouts.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 05:12

Wardark Grimhams: Mar 8, 2006

You may not remember me from earlier in the thread in 2012, but I am back with some more madness! I posted a to my facebook wall that I was tired of all the people railing against increasing the minimum wage. After 80+ comments my parents decided to roll in with a couple gems.

Joyce Tick is my mom and Mary Achi is my Dad. Chaos reigns.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 14:14

prom candy: Dec 16, 2005; Only I may dance

Did your dad just call you stupid on Facebook?

# ? Sep 18, 2014 15:00

xergm: Sep 8, 2009; The Moon is for Sissies!

I love how your mom calls fixing the price of goods, services, and wages through subsidy a communist concept.

Another person immediately says those sweatshop countries with no minimum wage are all communist/socialist/fascist.

I don't think it works that way.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 15:11

zeroprime: Mar 25, 2006; Words go here.; Fun Shoe

quote:

Market forces ALWAYS work, everywhere...they always have and always will

http://www.somethingawful.com/comedy-goldmine/most-evil-companies/1/

quote:

Bayer had medicine infected with AIDS that they couldn't sell in the U.S. so they dumped it on poor people overseas.
http://youtu.be/wg-52mHIjhs

The market works!

quote:

No, I'm sorry it's Blackwater.

They simultaneously employ their workers as contractors and salarymen so they can avoid any responsibility for their actions while retaining complete control over what they do. Blackwater's contracts routinely include clauses such as :

1) If you defy a direct order for any reason you will be abruptly terminated and Blackwater will withhold all back salary and sue your family into oblivion.
2) If you die or are injured on a mission due to the negligence of Blackwater you can't sue them. If you sue them, they will withhold all your back salary and bring legal action against you and your family.
3) You can be terminated for any reason whatsoever and if you sue they for wrongful dismissal they will withhold all your back salary and bring legal action against you and your family.

Basically, their contracting system holds you in a state of legal servitude until you quit, and if you have a problem with Blackwater they will sue you until the problem goes away. Who remembers this picture:

Right, those are two Blackwater contractors who drove through the middle of Fallujah in a jeep and got murdered. Turns out their superiors at Blackwater ordered them to do the run, even though they objected, and the US Army deemed it "operationally dangerous" and refused to allow soldiers to enter. Blackwater also failed to provide a heavy gunner who was promised to the men to safeguard their trip. As a result, and the fact they couldn't refuse the order without bankrupting themselves and their families, they ended up like that.

Naturally, when this came to light, the families of the men were upset because Blackwater failed to adequately safeguard the lives of its men and openly lied to them about the working conditions. They opened legal action against Blackwater for negligence and wrongful death. In reply, Blackwater refused to release their dead husbands back wages (some collected during the run they died doing) and filed suit for breach of contract and a bunch of other legal mumbo-jumbo like the cost of their defense and poo poo.

As a result, they pointlessly lost their husbands due to corporate negligence, have not been paid the monies owed them, and are being sued to the tune of millions for holding the company to account for its failures.

The market works!

quote:

Time to call out Australia's James Hardie. Manufactured asbestos products, and the manufacturing processes exposed its workers to asbestos dust. They continued to do so even after discovering the connection between asbestos dust and mesothelioma. Led to a series of people (including people later on who worked around the material, in construction etc.) contracting cancer and dying.

Faced with a mother of a class-action lawsuit when documents came out proving that Hardie knew that asbestos caused cancer, Hardie sought to relocate its HQ to Netherlands to avoid liability.

The market works!

quote:

Chiquita/United Fruit.

My Grandpa actually worked for these bastards, and they treated him like poo poo (he was a white Scottish man). They would try and screw him over on pay, refuse to pay bonuses, make it difficult for him to take any time off, make him go down to banana plantations all over South America/The Caribbean with little to no warning for months at a time etc etc. There's a bunch of other stuff, but that's just his exeriance, here's how the company acted/acts towards the rest of the world:

First of all, the term "banana republic" literally refers to countries in South America or the Caribbean who were ruled by corrupt officials who were bought off by the banana companies. This meant that they enjoyed a monopoly on all land that was suitable for growing bananas in the region,

One of the company's primary tactics for maintaining market dominance was to control the distribution of banana lands. [United Fruit Company] claimed that hurricanes, blight and other natural threats required them to hold extra land or reserve land. In practice, what this meant was that UFCO was able to prevent the government from distributing banana lands to peasants who wanted a share of the banana trade

In the case of Guatemala, the democratically elected government was overthrown by the C.I.A. due to a combination of lobbying from the UFCO and anti-communist fears (of course the UFCO claimed the government was going to join the Soviets, when in reality they were implementing policies inspired by America's New Deal). It is also convenient to note that the Guatemalan government was trying to buy back all the unused reserve land and thus strip UFCO of its monopoly.

I won't get into as much detail for the rest of the poo poo they've done, but they've forcefully broken up unions, were accused of pressuring the Colombians to shoot striking workers in the banana massacre (which was one of the triggers for sending Colombia into a 10 year period of violence known as "La Violencia"), knowingly exposed workers to pesticides which caused sterilization, and frequently used child labour.

Being evil didn't end when they changed their name to Chiquita though, and they are facing lawsuits for pretty much all the same poo poo up to this day.

One of the most prominent scandals is their funding/bribing of leftist and rightist rebels in Colombia.

A reporter for The Cincinnati Enquirer did a huge expose on Chiquita, that was about a lot of what I've talked about above (turns out he hacked into their voicemail boxes), but him and the paper were sued and he got his rear end kicked out the door. Here's all the articles he wrote, which Chiquita have never denied as being untrue.

My grandma blames the stress that UFCO put on my Grandpa for his heart attack that killed him, so I probably won't ask her for pictures (even though she supposedly has quite a few, but she is still very bitter about the whole thing). But seriously, gently caress Chiquita gently caress banana companies, and gently caress Dole who are just as bad for good measure.

The market works!

# ? Sep 18, 2014 15:13

Wardark Grimhams: Mar 8, 2006

prom candy posted:

Did your dad just call you stupid on Facebook?

No, it was in response to one of my friends.

In other news, my mom is now texting me to yell at me for taking my friends' side and not defending "family"

Nothing ever changes

# ? Sep 18, 2014 15:18

rkajdi: Sep 11, 2001; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Wardark Grimhams posted:

No, it was in response to one of my friends.

In other news, my mom is now texting me to yell at me for taking my friends' side and not defending "family"

Nothing ever changes

It's time like these that having parent from the Silent Generation is really helpful. Did you know the internet is a fad that'll go away in a few years, just like personal computers?

# ? Sep 18, 2014 15:37

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# ? May 10, 2024 01:08

Evrart Claire: Jan 11, 2008

# ? Sep 18, 2014 15:48

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

«‹›2810 »

Mike the TV posted:

Axetrain posted:

Popular Thug Drink posted:

Mike the TV posted:

Axetrain posted:

Duke Igthorn posted:

WoodrowSkillson posted:

WoodrowSkillson posted:

Soviet Commubot posted:

Slow Motion posted:

Al Harrington posted:

Soviet Commubot posted:

Zeitgueist posted:

Mike the TV posted:

Discendo Vox posted:

Discendo Vox posted:

WoodrowSkillson posted:

Popular Thug Drink posted:

Thanatosian posted:

Discendo Vox posted:

Discendo Vox posted:

Davethulhu posted:

darthbob88 posted:

Dr. Arbitrary posted:

GAYMIEN SANDOW posted:

Amused to Death posted:

Zerilan posted:

quote:

Jurgan posted:

Amused to Death posted:

Zerilan posted:

quote:

quote:

quote:

quote:

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prom candy posted:

Wardark Grimhams posted: