Wild T posted:

The worst part about that story is, I used to mess with substitute teachers I didn't like fairly often in high school because I was a little poo poo. Not a single one ever reacted like that, they just told me to and go to the administration office until the next period. They don't get paid to deal with smartass kids, why would they?

jodai posted:

We were the honors class. You know, with the 16 year old 7th grader and the kid who proudly pissed his pants. The height of wit was "That's what she said". We were just a bunch of smart kids, with our own bus and everything.

Turtlicious posted:

One time this guy was like, "There are no more persians," and xerxes skull hosed him for being retarded. #Truefax #Persiarox #Farsirule

EmmyOk posted:

Toriori posted:

My friend reblogged that unfunny substitute teacher story, as she does with every unfunny, extremely obvious stdh story like its the height of comedy.

BrigadierSensible posted:

That's what she said.

BrigadierSensible posted:

That's what she said.

Tardcore posted:

*pisses pants*

jodai posted:

We were the honors class. You know, with the 16 year old 7th grader and the kid who proudly pissed his pants. The height of wit was "That's what she said". We were just a bunch of smart kids, with our own bus and everything.

quote:

Talking At-At Cross Purposes
RESTAURANT | AUSTIN, TX, USA | AWESOME WORKERS, FOOD & DRINK, GEEKS RULE, THEME OF THE MONTH
(I work at a chain Italian restaurant. I am often asked questions about the menu, but every now and then a customer asks a question that catches me off guard.)

Customer #1: “No, it’s definitely an AT-AT!”

Customer #2: “No, it’s an AT-LT!”

Customer #1: “Ask our waiter. I bet you his tip.”

(By this point, I have been overhearing this conversation, and the nerd inside me is intrigued by Star Wars trivia.)

Me: “Can I help you guys with something?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, my boyfriend here thinks that the robot in star wars that walks on two legs with the little dogs is called the AT-LT. Please tell him it’s an AT-AT?”

Me: “Actually, I’m sorry but both of you are incorrect; the vehicle you’re thinking of is the AT-ST, which is premiered in the Battle for Hoth, the ice planet, but is actually featured in the Battle of Endor. In fact, that’s what Chewbacca uses to blow the blast doors open for Han Solo and Princess Leia. And the dogs are called Ewoks and they’re native to Endor.”

Customer #1: “Oh… thanks.”

(I ended up walking away and since they each bet $20, I actually earned $40. That’s the first time my nerd knowledge actually gained me that much money. May the Force be with you!)

Khazar-khum posted:

Khazar-khum posted:

MinistryofLard posted:

"Go to the principal."
"But miss I have a Get out of Jail free car-"
"Ha ha yes so witty and irreverant have my babies."

MinistryofLard posted:

Yes my mother spent two hours eating pancakes while having contractions.

Khazar-khum posted:

Leon Einstein posted:

Didn't they just radio from it saying that the rebels and ewoks fled into the woods and they'd need more men to pursue them? I don't remember Chewbacca blasting down any doors.

These ignorant wannabe nerds are the worst.

Leon Einstein posted:

Didn't they just radio from it saying that the rebels and ewoks fled into the woods and they'd need more men to pursue them?

SybilVimes posted:

Uh, I haven't seen RotJ in like 20 years, so I may have this wrong but...

Han & Leia are standing in front of the doors to the shield generator after fending off stormtroopers, the AT-ST rocks up, and they figure they're busted so lower their weapons, the AT-ST fires... and hits the doors, blasting them open. At which point Chewbacca emerges from the AT-ST hatch and does his roar thing.

Leon Einstein posted:

The bolded part never happened. They think they're screwed by the walker and then Chewbacca pops out and does his roar. Han then tells him to get down there because Lea is wounded.

MinistryofLard posted:

No commentary necessary.

HOOLY BOOLY posted:

So everybody just stood there silently for about 5 minutes? Bohemian Rhapsody isn't exactly a short song after all.

HOOLY BOOLY posted:

So everybody just stood there silently for about 5 minutes? Bohemian Rhapsody isn't exactly a short song after all.

The Sin of Onan posted:

They all sang along, and then everyone clapped at the end. charminglyantiquated's sister and the kid are getting married next summer.

When A Store Manager Used The "R" Word, This Mom Had The Perfect Response posted:

Recently, I was in a big box retailer picking up an online order at customer service. After the desk clerk assisted me and called for the stock boy, she began talking with two other employees less than two feet away from me. It was hard not to hear them as they gossiped and made fun of other employees. When the stock boy arrived, he came right up to me. He was tall, quite thin, messy hair, mismatched clothes – but poised and professional. He said to me, loudly and nearly scripted, “Ma’am, I am here to serve you! Is this order I’ll be locating yours?” I said it was, to which he replied, “Ok, ma’am, you got it. I’ll be back quick as a lick!” and he did a military style about-face move and headed off to retrieve my order.

I smiled as he walked away, unsure if he was just being silly to get a reaction or if he was being the best he knew how to be. But I smiled because he made me smile, no matter the reason. No sooner did he leave the desk, the clerk exclaimed “UGHH, that kid is SO retarded!” as her two co-workers nodded and giggled in agreement.

Her statement physically knocked me backwards and I noticeably gasped for air. They all turned to me and I could feel my face start to burn red. My mind was racing in the seconds following her statement. I wanted so badly to smack her right across the face but I knew that wouldn’t make her understand my shock.

I managed to say to her, through gritted teeth, “Excuse me, what did you JUST say?” Her two friends quickly scattered.

I took a step closer and repeated myself, “What, exactly, did you just say?”

She rolled her eyes and stepped back before saying, “Um, I said that kid was retarded. Why, do you know him?”

I gasped again.

“No, I don’t know him. Does it matter? You don’t know me! I could be his mother, his sister, his aunt, his friend. Do YOU know him?”

“Well, he works here so –“

“What’s his name? Do you know his name? Do you know anything about him?”

“Well, um… No.”

“I do and I’ve only been here for ten minutes! His name is Jacob. Do you know how I know that? He has a nametag that says JACOB! What is your name?”

“I’m Carol.”

“Carol, what gives you the right to call Jacob that awful word? You don’t even know his name! How dare you. HOW DARE YOU!”

“Well, I didn’t say it to you! Or about someone you know!”

Again, I was physically knocked backwards by her ignorance.

What Carol didn’t know is that she WAS talking about someone I knew. She didn’t know the struggles my daughter had gone through over the last fourteen months. The therapy sessions, the speech classes, the meltdowns, the doctors, the pain, the confusion. She doesn't know!!!

“Carol, I need to speak to your manager. IMMEDIATELY.”

I began shaking and, once again, considered a physical altercation. She then pulled back her sweater to reveal her nametag: Carol – Customer Service Manager.

I may have blacked out at this point as I said to her, “OHHH YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! You are the manager?! YOU are the one that is supposed to lead that young boy? And YOU are the one using that ugly word in front of a customer? No. Absolutely not. Give me the store manager’s number, district manager – give me the CEO’s information! I don’t care who – just so long as it’s not YOU.”

She quickly started to apologize. “Ma’am I am extremely sorry. There is no need to make any phone calls. It won’t happen again.”

“You know what, Carol? Jacob is coming back now. I think we’re going to chat with him. And I think you owe him an apology.”

Before she could leave or say no, Jacob arrived with my item, put it right in front of me and saluted as he said, “Ma’am, here it is. Lickety split, just like I promised!” as he beamed with pride. “Thank you, Jacob, thank you very much.”

His face lit up in that instant. He towered over me but he seemed so small and innocent as he looked down at the floor and muttered, “You know my name? Wooooow.”

I couldn’t help but choke back tears. I wondered if anyone in this wretched store had ever addressed him beyond calling for a stock boy.

I turned to Carol who was pale as a ghost and I asked Jacob if he knew her name. He quickly replied, “Yes, yes I do. That is Carol the Manager. She is the boss of allllll of the people” as he waved his arm in a dramatic arc. I asked him another question, but still glared at Carol, “Jacob, is she nice to you?” He didn’t hesitate in his reply, “No, ma’am. She is not a very friendly Carol.” She quickly hung her head and sighed.

I continued, “Carol, Jacob doesn’t think you’re very friendly. What do you think about that?” I could see her face turning red and her eyes welling up with tears; I wasn’t sure if they were tears of remorse or embarrassment but I didn’t care.

She softly said, “Jacob, I’m so sorry I haven’t been friendly. I will try harder.” Jacob’s eyes bulged out of his head and a smile that seemed too big for his face radiated the room. Before he could say anything, I said, “Thank you, Carol. Good evening. Now, Jacob, are you ready to help me to my car?” He switched right back into professional mode and said, “Abso-tutey-lutely!”

We walked into the parking lot silently. He seemed reflective and proud. When we got to my car, I asked if I could help him lift the item into the backseat but he insisted he do it himself. After, I said, “Whoa, it fits perfectly! Thank you!” He stood next to me and dramatically said, “Liiiike a glove!”

I giggled because I knew the movie he was quoting. He noticed and said, “Do you know that’s from a movie?”

“I do! And I even know what movie it is!”

“Ok, ma’am, I’ll give you a hint: JIM CAREY, 1994, NAAAAAME THAT MOVIE!”

“’Ace Ventura!’”

“That was AMAAAAZING!!”

“I love that movie, Jacob!” And I laughed with him. With him.

“Ma’am, you’re friendly. Can I tell you a secret?”

“Sure, Jacob. What is it?”

He took a step closer to me then and said, “Well, I have high fun, I mean high fut, I mean high fluc. Well, I mean I have autism. But I can work and learn and stuff! I just like to be goofy because it makes people happy. Then they will have a reason to laugh.”

I have no idea how I managed not to sob right there in front of him. I managed to say, “You’re awesome, Jacob. You. Are. Awesome! Can I have a high five?”

His eyes got big and wide again and he stretched his arm high above his head. He smirked and said, “Jump! You can do it!” I laughed and I tried to reach but came nowhere close. He brought his hand back down to my level and said, “My mom said it’s ok to be different because that makes me special. But sometimes, I like to be normal. Let’s just do a normal high five, ma’am.”

So we did. Then he did his about-face move again and off he went, back into the store.

And he never looked back.

quote:

Her statement physically knocked me backwards and I noticeably gasped for air. They all turned to me and I could feel my face start to burn red.

Toriori posted:

Roflmao. This is so funny looking when I picture it. Like I'm picturing her stumbling backwards and gasping for air like a fish on land.

Rahonavis posted:

JoeyJoJoJr Shabadoo posted:

I like how Tumblr rear end in a top hat, instead of treating Jacob as a human being, still talks down to him and then goes in depth about how "retarded" he acts. Using other words obviously.

Toriori posted:

Roflmao. This is so funny looking when I picture it. Like I'm picturing her stumbling backwards and gasping for air like a fish on land.

Paladinus posted:

I see it more like how vampires or demons in movies react to the Lord's Prayer in Latin and/or a shot of holy shrapnel from a sawed-off shotgun.