echinopsis posted:

iPhone 6 gate

bend gate


iOS 8.0.1 gate


celeb leak gate


it's no wonder they're share price is a 1/4 what it used to be






post your best apple moments from history because it's fownhlohhm from here boys

Pissflaps posted:

are hosed

apple are hosed

echinopsis posted:

um

echinopsis posted:

I mean like, I hosed an apple. that apple is now hosed

Pissflaps posted:

idk what rudimentary patois issues forth from your face on a day to day basis but here, in civilisation, the home of the language you attempt to speak?

apple are hosed

Pissflaps posted:

that apple is a fruit

the apple in the op is a multinational tech company

big scary monsters posted:

are a multinational tech company

Pissflaps posted:

gently caress!!!

Pissflaps posted:

~~~ i will return ~~~

*disappears in a cloud of pedantic smoke*

Triticum Guzzler posted:

TOKAII: When I was born-
JOE ROGAN: In 1942.
TOKAII: In 1942, yes. When I was born there were no cellphones or internet
JOE ROGAN: Wow...
TOKAII: You basically had to gently caress children from the neighbourhood. Iceland? Forget it.
JOE ROGAN: Tghat's loving CRAZY...

Rusty Staub posted:

i presume it isn't a possessive like he's the auteur who made the film, but more so literally "get ready to look at this guy's actual freakshow dong"

Doctor Bishop posted:

EXAKT Science posted:

This is a real thing btw: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorena_Bobbitt

Dross posted:

Was this actually so long ago now that people don't know this?

Dross posted:

Was this actually so long ago now that people don't know this?

theflyingorc posted:

It was 21 years ago, and some people on SA are teenagers.

theflyingorc posted:

It was 21 years ago, and some people on SA are teenagers.

Dross posted:

Was this actually so long ago now that people don't know this?

WindmillSlayer posted:

im 18

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

18/10 is what i give your av

SplitSoul posted:

I knew about it, but I was not aware of a lot of the things that apparently happened afterwards, including the unsuccessful dickless gimmick band and adult film.

RevSyd posted:

For a little while it was THE TOP STORY in the USA, any American who who was a teenager in the 90s remembers Lorena and John Wayne Bobbit even if they don't think they do. Just start explaining it and they'll be like "Oh god I remember that", for a few months they were white trash royalty and milked it for publicity and were impossible to avoid hearing about.

Teddybear posted:

You're, like, rocketing through the levels of gay really fast.

Extra posted:

Gaystronaut

SubponticatePoster posted:

Really? Not asstronaut?

FewtureMD posted:

Yuri Gaygarin

Freudian posted:

Putting the Cosmo in Cosmonaut.

Wadjamaloo posted:

Cuddling with a tiger is also on my bucket list, its probably going to be the last thing I do before I die.

max4me posted:

eh I got to do that in thailand, I was told this was a teenager and when tigers hit sexual maturity they become anti social.

wilfredmerriweathr posted:

pretty sure they just gave that fucker a bigass dose of tranquilizers

Gromit posted:

You sure? I mean, he'd still have to get back to his hotel room later that day.

Chris de Sperg posted:

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because that Raiders game gave me cancer anyway.

The Glumslinger posted:

cancer story

TheLovablePlutonis posted:

ive had it! i never hated a mod on 13 years on sa, not the guy who smelled girls on the train and wanked to the witch duck from duck tales and probably to the rescue riders and probably cummed while j/o to other disnay cartoons, not the one who gave terrible advice on drugs and to take krokodil right in the vein so it melts your skin and turns you into a skeleton from dark souls 2 the ones who really loving sucked and were a loving annoyence, not the one who creeped on girls on awful yearbook and fapped on their pics and cummed on the goon girls faces while telling how much he wanted to rape their asses, not the one who raped an 8 year old child while dressed like a klingon with blackface and a plastic forehead, not all the other circus freaks, carnival workers, genetic defects and psychopaths who enforce their power like mad gawds with tiny flaccid dicks but this motha fucka kewpah... he grinds me gears!

The Hissing Butt posted:

I don't know if it's what you're looking for, but you should definitely check out A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin.

Professor Shark posted:

YOu may as well just skip Martin and go stragiht to the source, Tolstoy's War and Peace, instead. Martin's literal inclusion of dragons comes across as very lacking in subtlety compared to Tolstoy's French army.

Citizen Tayne posted:

I want at least one dad, ever, to be honest and tell his kids "Yeah, son, mommy and I are getting divorced and it's all your fault."

Citizen Tayne posted:

I'm tired of your mother's bulging panniculus, son. It's time for greener pastures and younger pussy.

Vargo posted:

I guest-starred on the Secret of the Sailor Madness this week, talking about A Goofy Movie. Here's a link to me and two Irish guys explaining why A Goofy Movie is great for over an hour. Listen to it, fools: http://secretofthesailormadness.blogspot.ie/2014/09/show-80-mahwty-mahwty-wake-up.html

There's even a bit where we talk about the relevance of Goofy dressing as a woman for a brief second. So there you go. Topical.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

I'm glad you don't get paid

TheBigBudgetSequel posted:

Getting called slurs for homosexual people is all the payment I need!

my bitter bi rival posted:

-has the word homo for a paycheck

WeaponGradeSadness posted:

WeaponGradeSadness posted:

WeaponGradeSadness posted:

James Hardon posted:

Triticum Guzzler posted:

rename current releases The Importance of Seeing Ernest

fool_of_sound posted:

Has anyone got that Duncan post that was a Koos/SuperMechaGodzilla screenplay about the Goofy Movie?

Volume posted:

I never understood movie reviews that were longer than the actual movie.

Drunk & Ugly posted:

if ebola is spread by having a pig toss your dirty poo poo salad then just call me drop dead drunk

euphronius posted:

Why would a man who needed advanced health care leave Western Africa for the US.

contrapants posted:

Watch the Star Wars prequel reviews on Red Letter Media.

That DICK! posted:

German Chancellor, circa 1955: Oh what, I can't make a killing all the jews joke? A guy can't make a killing all the jews joke? I didn't even write that thing. So yeah, ok, LOL, ALL German Chancellors want to REALLY kill jews, of course, yup. Mm-hmm.

LaughMyselfTo posted:

The least racist Lovecraft story is about a color that isn't supposed to be there.

Jimbone Tallshanks posted:

Since one of my headmates is actually a purely sound based entitiy the proper way to refer to us is

See how *bicycle bell* swims.

It's *fart noise* ball.

*bicycle bell* brings it on *ten seconds of nasal exhaling*.

You have to actually make the noise, you can't just say it.

QueenOfMistakes posted:

Does anyone have the quote by a goon who worked on a submarine and piloted a course in the shape of an eight mile long dick?

quote:

I was on a boomer, and what you're referring to is when the sub goes 'on alert'. And although I can't tell you where we went, because I was in engineering and never knew where we were or cared, I'll give you a hint: Someplace boring. Seriously when we went silent and slow and waited for nuclear war was the most boring crap ever. We never did anything. Eat and sleep and stand watch. One time the Officer of the Deck got really bored on the midwatch and drove the sub in a very peculiar pattern. I looked at the 'plot' thing up on the bridge and he had drawn a dick in the water over the past 6 hours. That's the big secret. When you don't know where a Trident is, it's somewhere in the middle of nowhere drawing a huge 8 mile long dick.

ArfJason posted:

I was at Macy's thanksgiving parade and it was time for the balloons to pass by my street. I looked out my window and saw all those classic icons of cartoons, like spongebob, mickey mouse and he-man. Then came movie characters, and there was this loving massive balloon of the dragon from the neverending story (falcor?), and those creatures from Gremlins, among other things. After that came corporate mascots, you know stuff like Coca Cola's Santa Claus, Chester Cheetah and Tony Tiger.

But what caught my attention, was what the Camel cigarette company brought. It was an insanely gigantic Camel, seems they wanted to bring him back and make him relevant again. He stood taller than some buildings, and had a cigarette on his mouth that was thicker than a subway train.

That was the very first time I saw a bigger fag than ralp.

WeaponGradeSadness posted:

Accretionist posted:

duTrieux. posted:

Koos Goop posted:

I forgot to mention that there are many worse things you can say than ladyfriend, such as friend of the family.

gnarlyhotep posted:

you brown and drain the meat first, then add the water, milk and powder mix stuff

I usually add some steamed vegetables

it's not exactly rocket science

Ulillillia posted:

1.1.2.5 Hamburger Helper - no meat allowed



In the early days of me having Hamburger Helper, the meat (hamburger) was often included. At first it was quite a bit, but I soon wanted less and less of the meat but even with half the required meat, I never liked it. I mainly only ate the noodles. When I completely abandoned the meat cooking it in much the same way as Macaroni and Cheese (only with the sauce mixed in right away), not only did I not need the hot dogs I otherwise required before with regular macaroni (see section 1.1.2.2 above), the flavor tasted even better than macaroni with toasty dogs, provided the meat wasn't included. Even to today (Nov 24, 2006), I still have it, but very rarely as it's not all that filling and it requires more dishes than a pizza does.

To make it, I first needed a medium-large pan, the specific meal I wanted (usually cheeseburger macaroni, my top favorite, or cheddar cheese melt), milk without being beyond the expiration date (only the lasagna flavor doesn't require it of my only liked ones), a measuring cup (I usually only need one - my math skills come in handy here, but this isn't required, only recommended), two spoons (a big one for stirring and a small one for eating with), and a plate. As with any other meal, if any one of these is not available, I have to ask my parents to wash it, and if there's no milk (milk beyond the sell by date is considered as no milk being available), I cannot have it unless I use one of the meals that doesn't require it and the only one of decent compatibility is the lasagna flavor (although rather low and no where near my top 5 favorites).

The process for cooking it is nearly the same as macaroni, only with a few differences. I first measure the amount of milk then water I need with the amounts shown on the package. If I needed 2 1/4 cups of water and 1/2 cup milk for something and I only had a 2/3 cup available, short of getting my parents to watch the sizes I need, I use my math skills to get what I need. I use three full 2/3 cups in water and to get the remaining 1/4, I simply divide the amount needed by the cup capacity to get the result of 3/8 and I fill the cup to about 3/8 full. With such large amounts of liquid and that high precision isn't really neccessary, I use my tricks to approximate 3/8 of the 2/3 cup. I usually do this math in my mind and get the result within 10 seconds, longer due to infrequent use of this. The same thing applies with the 1/2 cup where I fill the 2/3 cup 3/4 of the way full. For faster results, I use the laws of mathematics and just get a quick estimate. I might get 1/3 for the case of the 1/4 cup needed which is very close. Anyway, once the liquids are measured out, I put in the noodles and the main sauce. If there are multiple sauces included (usually as a topping), I save those until later. I then cook the meal on high all the way through. At first, I don't have to stir that often, but as the liquids start boiling away, the rate of stirring increases and as the liquids get thicker due to the sauce being mixed into it well, the stirring rate must increase along with it. At the start, it is okay to go without stirring for 40 seconds but near the end, stirring as often as once every 20 seconds is pushing it too long and 15 seconds is about right. In the case of the pan being about 6 inches in diameter, the meal is done cooking when, upon stirring, you can see the bottom of the pan. From there, add up to 2 minutes of additional cooking time, but the longer you go, the greater the chance of it sticking to the bottom and the more frequently you need to stir to prevent this. I usually go about 30 seconds. Draining is not required. I do, however, blow on it to rapidly cool it down and you don't need to blow all that hard. A typical good blow usually lasts about 5 to 7 seconds. If a "topping" is included, less blowing is needed as the milk I later add quickly cools it down. Rather than just being topped with it, I mix it in. I open the bag(s) and pour the contents in. Instead of a measuring cup, I pour what I think is about a fluid ounce' worth in milk (or whatever liquid is used, usually it's milk) into the pan then begin stirring being careful not to get the sauce on the sides where it's otherwise wasted. If more milk is needed, I add more gradually until I get the creaminess I want which tends to be about 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 fluid ounces per bag. With the contents now fully cooked, I pour them onto my plate and begin eating it.

gnarlyhotep posted:

ok maybe it is rocket science